[OR as it’s know here at One Keebler Towers, T- 24:00:00 and counting to Molly’s Birthday.]
Well apparently DL/LL Enterprises HQ has a lot in common with those New Jersey Halfway Houses that have been in the news lately. Seems they cannot keep their inmates from escaping by the double digits a month and we cannot hold on to Impish for much longer than a month at a time.
Someone took offense at the foul odor in Impish’s lair after his weekend of a steady diet of black bean burritos, then apparently in accord with his plan, gasping for clean air they opened the doors to his terrace. Half a breath of fresh air later they were mowed down by an escaping Dragon butt blasting himself into the air and escaping the confinement he has been in since his last unauthorized field trip.
My best guess, after donning a gas mask and hip boots to investigate the scene of the escape, is that he somehow caught a segment over the weekend about a pie ship in Cleveland that is having a contest to vote for their best pie. Apparently the thought of 38 types Dessert Pie, 8 different types of Quiche, and 9 types of ‘Pub Pie’ (think a cross between Chicken pot pie and a calzone here) not to mention hand pies and ‘muffin pies’ (don’t ask me I have NO idea) were simply too much of a temptation for Impish’s willpower (ok WHO am I kidding? WHAT willpower?) to resist.
I figure it will be about 48 hours before Impish’s pie gluttony runs him a foul of the locals & their constabulary up there (he’ll switch to donuts when the pie runs out) After that when a few well placed bullets part his scales for him and he sees the mob with torches and Dragon lances headed his way he’ll be on the first freight train home…no doubt collect too.
OK Saturday Impish tried to do damage control and embarrassment management by spinning this story- making it about a fictional group of hunters. Well I’m calling bullshit on that! HERE is the REAL story EXACTLY as it happened:
When four deer hunters arrived at the deer camp for their annual hunt they found that all the lodging was taken except for two cabins, both equipped with two beds.
Three of them, Lethal, Karl and Paul had a lively discussion as who would bunk with Impish who was a habitual snorer. (He sounds like the Jake Brake on a full loaded dump truck going perpetually downhill ALL night long. Come to think of it his breath smells like the exhaust of that truck too!)
They finally decided that the only fair way was to take turns.
Paul shared a cabin with Impish the first night and the next morning he appeared red-eyed from lack of sleep. He said that Impish snored so loud that getting to sleep was impossible so he sat up all night and watched Impish.
The second night it was Karl’s turn and the next morning he looked even worse than Paul had. He stated that Impish’s snoring was so loud that even the windows shook and there was no way he could get to sleep so he too sat up all night and watched Impish.
The third night was Lethal’s turn and the next morning he appeared all bright-eyed, alert and fully rested and Impish looked as if he had not slept.
Paul and Karl was amazed at Lethal’s appearance and asked him what happened.
Lethal told them that when they went to bed he patted Impish on the bottom, kissed him on the cheek, and Impish sat up watching him all night!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Especially since ‘Pie Boy’ isn’t around to object.
Molly just whispered in my ear what would happen to me if I made a public statement as to WHICH ‘milestone birthday’ this was and let me say OWWWWW! DAMN! The woman can make a serious and creative male anatomy violence related threat so in my best self interest we aren’t going to speak of her age…EVER!
Molly me darlin’ I just wanted to say that…
Unfortunately this did not come to my attention in time to be included last weeks Parting Shot, largely no doubt due to my getting hammered with T-storms and being sans power for almost 10 hours until 3 AM Wednesday. Then again I’m sort of thankful it didn’t. I don’t know how much more I could have put in there without totally desensitizing you to the whole issue or before I snapped and went all Halls of Montezuma/Shores of Tripoli on some Liberal Child Brain Washing Operation I MEAN School System
Controversial principal yanks patriotic song from kindergarten graduation
School pulls patriotic song at graduation, but Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ is OK
Political Correctness June 10, 2012 http://www.examiner.com/article/controversial-principal-yanks-patriotic-song-from-kindergarten-graduation
combined by LL with:
By SUSAN EDELMAN Last Updated: 3:51 PM, June 11, 2012 http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/school_silences_patriotic_song_xdunXcLPbE8S2rAEcZoUiP?utm_medium=rss&utm_content=Local&fb_source=message
A controversial Coney Island principal has pulled the plug on patriotism.
Greta Hawkins, the principal of the Edna Cohen School in Brooklyn, New York, told students they could not sing the Lee Greenwood classic, “God Bless the USA,” at their moving-up ceremony, the New York Post reported late Saturday.
According to the Post:
Five classes spent months learning the patriotic song, which skyrocketed in popularity after the 9/11 attacks and the 2003 invasion of Iraq.
It was to be the rousing finale of their musical show at the June 20 commencement. The kids, dressed up for their big day, would wave tiny American flags — which, as the lyrics proclaim, “still stand for freedom.”
[Except apparently in P.S. 90 when they are offensive to J.Ws and other cultures who are GUESTS in our nation` L.L.]
Hawkins interrupted a rehearsal and ordered the CD shut off. She then told teachers to drop the song.
“We don’t want to offend other cultures,” she reportedly said.
According to Department of Education spokeswoman Jessica Scaperotti, Hawkins found the lyrics “too grown up” for 5-year-olds. While the patriotic song has been banned, the Post notes that “Justin Bieber’s flirty song about teen romance, ‘Baby,’ was deemed a fine selection for the show.”
“Hawkins,” the Post notes, “had no problem with 5-year-olds singing lines such as, ‘Are we an item? Girl, quit playing.’”
Scaperotti said the Department supports Hawkins’ decision. SCHOOLS CHIEF BACKS DECISION TO SWAP ‘USA’ SONG WITH BIEBER
Department of Education spokeswoman Jessica Scaperotti gave The Post an explanation staffers said they never heard — that Hawkins found the lyrics “too grown up” for 5-year-olds.
The song starts: “If tomorrow all the things were gone, I’d worked for all my life. And I had to start again, with just my children and my wife, I’d thank my lucky stars, to be livin’ here today.”
“The lyrics are not age-appropriate,” she told the Post. But Justin Bieber’s flirty song about teen romance, “Baby,” was deemed a fine selection for the show. Hawkins had no problem with 5-year-olds singing lines such as, “Are we an item? Girl, quit playing.”
Hawkins’ decision to ban the patriotic song has sparked controversy at a school the Post says is “filled with proud immigrants.”
According to the Post:
Five classes spent months learning the patriotic song, which skyrocketed in popularity after the 9/11 attacks and the 2003 invasion of Iraq.
It was to be the rousing finale of their musical show at the June 20 commencement. The kids, dressed up for their big day, would wave tiny American flags — which, as the lyrics proclaim, “still stand for freedom.”
Hawkins interrupted a rehearsal and ordered the CD shut off. She then told teachers to drop the song.
“We don’t want to offend other cultures,” she reportedly said.
Staff and parents were stunned at her edict.
“A lot of people fought to move to America to live freely, so that song should be sung with a whole lot of pride,” Luz Lozada said. Her son, Daniel, is a kindergartener at the school.
The Post added that the song was sung by fifth graders last year to rave reviews from parents and teachers alike.
“Everybody applauded and whistled,” Lozada said. “They gave it a standing ovation.”
Parents — many immigrants from Pakistan, Mexico and Ecuador — “love it,” Lozada said.
A teacher agreed: “It makes them a little goosebumpy and teary-eyed. I’ve never come across anyone who felt it insulted their culture.”
Hawkins, who has been called a tyrant and a bully by some staffers, was reprimanded by the DOE in 2010 after teachers complained she called the school “racist.”
“I’m black. Your previous principal was white and Jewish. More of us are coming,” she reportedly said.
Scaperotti told the Post that students at the school recite the Pledge of Allegiance and sing “America the Beautiful” every morning, but ‘insiders’ said Hawkins tried to end the practice a couple years ago.
“The principal, a Jehovah’s Witness, does not recite the pledge because her religion forbids followers to salute any nation’s flag. Staffers gripe she doesn’t stand in respect during the school-wide ritual,” Susan Edelman wrote.
This is not the first time Greenwood’s song has been targeted by educators.
In April, officials at Stall Brook Elementary School in Bellingham, MA, changed the lyrics of the song, then dropped it after parents complained.
Scaperotti told the Post that Hawkins has been targeted by the teacher’s union, and the NYPD is investigating hate mail she has allegedly received.
HATE MAIL? JUST hate mail? She should be receiving DEATH THREATS and a PINK SLIP!
Finally you need to watch the Yahoo News video of this where Lee Greenwood comments on the controversy with his song, as well as Hawkins misinformed JWs non flag respecting bullshit in a more succinct and eloquent manner than I am capable of after learning of this.
NYC P.S. 90 Elementary school principal Greta Hawkins: 
And so does your taste in music! Justin Bieber? SERIOUSLY? BLOODY SODDEN HELLS! I’d rather listen to the Barney song sung badly by sugar amped 6 year olds for 4 hours straight than a single Bieber song!
Elementary school principal Greta Hawkins is the recipient of:
The DL/LL Digital Media Enterprises A.S.S.H.O.L.E. of the Week Award.
for being a Jackass above and beyond the call of Liberal/Democratic Politically Correct Doctrine
Hell, the cause isn’t hard to figure out- they stupid S.O.B.s they drank the damned Kool Aid!
The unexamined political belief is not worth holding.
The unanalyzed political agenda is not worth promoting.
Liberals, Democrats and especially Obama strongly object when you do either of these things. Kind of makes you wonder why doesn’t it? Could it be because those beliefs and agendas can’t hold up to the scrutiny?
The Liberal Mind explains:
- The two major goals of the modern liberal agenda: the Modern Parental Society and the Modern Permissive Culture, and why they violate the basic principles of freedom.
- How the modern liberal agenda attacks the moral and legal foundations of individual liberty.
- How the modern liberal agenda violates the defining characteristics of human nature and ignores the essential realities of the human condition.
- How the modern liberal agenda corrupts the character of the people by appealing to their base instincts and undermining the constraints of conscience.
- How the modern liberal agenda’s ideas and goals are self-contradictory and logically inconsistent.
- Why the liberal mind believes in the irrational principles of the liberal agenda — and what it takes to effect a cure.
[Thanks to our resident old guy K-squared for this]
When you get a few minutes you just have to watch this video starring Kyrie Irving (rookie of the year from Cleveland who played at Duke last year).
They dress him up in movie make up to make him resemble an 80 year old man. He goes to the street basketball courts in New Jersey and gets in a pickup basketball game with a bunch of young dudes… when the 80 year old starts playing for real and its great.
One for the old guys!
http://devour.com/video/uncle-drew/
President Obama has stopped deporting younger illegal immigrants who came to the US as children and haven’t broken the law, and he is granting them work permits. Do you:
21% Strongly agree with this decision
14% Somewhat agree with this decision
14% Somewhat disagree with this decision
51% Strongly disagree with this decision
Do you agree or disagree that, as Massachusetts Governor, Mitt Romney was a strong leader who lowered the unemployment rate?
27% Strongly Agree
24% Somewhat Agree
31% No Strong Opinion
3% Somewhat Disagree
15% Strongly Disagree
Do you support or oppose efforts by K-12 public schools to generate operational funding by selling ads that are seen by students in hallways, on their report cards, or elsewhere?
13% Strongly support
0% Somewhat support
13% Somewhat oppose
55% Strongly oppose
19% No Strong Opinion
How concerned are you right now about contempt for the US Constitution?
58% Very concerned
15% Somewhat concerned
21% A little concerned
6% Not concerned at all
Polls sponsored by NPD Online Research
Impish was last seen at…OH WAIT! that’s DRAGON sightings! Closely related, but entirely a different thing all together!
IDIOT SIGHTING
I handed the teller @ my bank a withdrawal slip for $400.00
I said “May I have large bills, please”
She looked at me and said “I’m sorry sir, all the bills are the same size.”
When I got up off the floor I explained it to her….
IDIOT SIGHTING
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.’Hey,’ I announced to the technician, ‘it’s open!’ His reply: ‘I know. I already got that side.’This was at the Ford dealership in Canton , MS
IDIOT SIGHTING
We had to have the garage door repaired.
The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.He said, ‘NO, it’s not..’ Four is larger than two.’
We haven’t used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald’s take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.” She sighed and went to get the manager, who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but we could not do that kind of thing.’
The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.
Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s. [I want to know where the hell there is a McDs you can get through for under $5!!]
IDIOT SIGHTING
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office
To request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’
IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’
He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,’Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’To which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’
He smiled knowingly and nodded, ‘That’s why we ask.’Happened in Birmingham , Ala.
IDIOT SIGHTING
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind people doing driving?!’
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS
IDIOT SIGHTING
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who was leaving the company due to ‘downsizing,’
Our manager commented cheerfully, ‘This is fun. We should do this more often.’
Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.
IDIOT SIGHTING
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself And for the sake of her life, couldn’t understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.
IDIOT SIGHTING
How would you pronounce this child’s name?
“Le-a”
Leah?? NO
Lee – A?? NOPE
Lay – a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
This child attends a school in Kansas City , MO. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.
It’s pronounced “Ledasha”. When the Mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, “the dash don’t be silent.”
SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash.
If dey axe you why, tell dem de dash don’t be silent.
STAY ALERT!
They walk among us……and they MULTIPLY AND VOTE- Democratic!
[Thanks to Impish for serving as the model for this banner! Appreciate it Buddy!]
EPA set to regulate ditches and gullies on private property
If the EPA has its way, ditches like this would be regulated as a “navigable waterway.”
Photo credit: hoosieragtoday.com
If the Environmental Protection Agency has its way, ditches and gullies on private property could be viewed as navigable waterways and regulated under the Clean Water Act.
Lawmakers, however, are working to keep that from happening, Audrey Hudson reported at Human Events on Monday.
Rep. John Mica (R-FL), chairman of the House Transportation and Infrastructure Committee, Rep. Nick Rahall (D-WV), the ranking committee member, and Rep. Bob Gibbs (R-OH), chairman of the Subcommittee on Water Resources and Environment, sent a letter to House colleagues outlining what they see as an “expansion of federal jurisdiction.”
“Never in the history of the CWA has federal regulation defined ditches and other upland features as ‘waters of the United States,’” the lawmakers wrote.
“The Obama administration is doing everything in its power to increase costs and regulatory burdens for American businesses, farmers and individual property owners,” Rep. Mica told Human Events.
“This federal jurisdiction grab has been opposed by Congress for years, and now the administration and its agencies are ignoring law and rulemaking procedures in order to tighten their regulatory grip over every water body in the country,” he added.
“But this administration needs to realize it is not above the law,” Mica said.
In this case, the EPA seeks to regulate land alongside ditches, gullies and other areas where water builds up due to rain or melting snow. The resulting regulations “would make it harder for private property owners to build in their own backyards, grow crops, raise livestock and conduct other activities on their own land,” Human Events reported.
Hudson notes that a bipartisan House measure that passed in committee last week now has 64 cosponsors. The Senate version has 26 GOP cosponsors and is gathering steam.
“It’s time to get EPA lawyers out of Americans’ backyards,” Sen. John Barrasso (R-WY) said when he announced the Senate version in March.
For a whole host of reasons;
- Weather- I’m rushing to finish this on battery before the back up for the Gateway dies as the T-storms have power out here again (2 time in as many weeks
- I went to bed early last night feeling like crap and spent a lousy night. As I result when I DID get to sleep I elected to sleep late but wound up sleeping WAY later than I had planned and now I’m behind the 8 ball once again.
- I’ve already done too much pontificating and sniping in the issue so I’m sure to hear complaints about it and how I need to “lighten up”. Too bad we don’t live in a light world, that’s why Impish and I do this to call attention to things that we CAN refuse to accept and CAN change so that we might live in a lighter world.
And unabashedly proud of it too!
Dragon Laffs 
Impish,
My sincere apologies. I should have worded the comment much better, and stated it as: “IF this is a photo of Impish …. ”
Whether you’re petite or portly, you’re a keeper. 🙂
femme
Actually Femme, he’s both at the same time, petite (of height) and portly (of stature). About the only things thin on him are his wallet & IQ. (not counting his patience for replenishment of the dessert trolly)
Also since he’s objected to his ‘street name’ being ‘Pie Puss’ it has been officially changed to ‘Godzilla Gullet’ since he was quite correct in pointing out that pie is not the only cuisine he tends to run a muck for.
I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was fantastic. I don’t know who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 You have a amazing blog my bro. Cheers!
BTW – happy aniversary (belated) – and a happy BD to Molly – thanks for letting Lethal spend his time writing Dragonlaffs – it is truly appreciated (even though not often enough acknowledged)
have a great day to you all
One: Happy Birthday to Molly!!!!
Two: Beth Perry on Hubpages wrote an excellent editorial on school principal, Greta Hawkins. Ditto on the award for her posted here. She’s earned it.
Three: Please let Impish know, if he plans to visit Lousiana, he’s gonna need bigger pants. I think they’ve passed a law there prohibiting the view of crackage in public. :p
femme
While Louisiana DOES have a ‘Just say no to Crack” initiative, that refers to the Rock Cocaine variety not the kind in the picture. THAT kind is known as ‘Plumber’s Crack’.
As to bigger pants for Impish, we’re looking into clown pants made by the same company that makes circus big top tents
The ground shakes with a huge thud, thud, thud as small bricks and pieces of building fall to the ground. The thumps of giant feet pounding the ground echoes through our chest, vibrating our internal organs uncomfortably.
The phone in Impish’s office rings once and the voice mail clicks on. Let’s listen in to his recorded line that goes to editorial, shall we?: (Puff! Wheez!) “Geez! Run out for a snack and what happens? (Puff! Puff!) You get beat up in the press.” The sound of pounding feet sounds like thunder on the recorded line.
The call continues, “Femme, (Wheez!) you have never complained about anything that I’ve shown you in public or otherwise, why are you jumping on the band wagon now?” (Puff! Wheez!) (Sounds of sirens and shouting voices can be faintly heard in the background.) “Thanks though, for throwing your voice behind the invitation to (Puff! Wheez!) Greta, to kiss our collective asses.”
(We hear the sounds of gun fire echoing through the office, coming from the little speaker on the machine.) (Puff! Wheez!) “Yeah, Paul. I have a pretty good time in life…” (The sound of a woman screaming) … excuse me, ma’am… (Puff! Wheez!) but don’t let Lethal fool you. (Sounds of several doors slamming) He doesn’t have to get me out of THAT many (Puff! Wheez!) jams.”
Thumping feet have stopped thundering and there is a bit of a silence on the line as we lean in a little, we can hear gasping breath. “Hey Lethal, tell Molly I said Happy Birthday. Sorry I missed the party…” (In the background, “He’s in here!!”)
“Hey, is there any cake left?”
All we hear is the sounds of a crash and a dial tone……
Impish there are legal ramification I get stuck with every time you go out on the town.
As far as your comments to Fem go, she’s into Marine’s who (occasionally) act like animals, NOT Marine Animals (dragons)! Ergo she never complains becasue she is too busy smirking rolling her eyes and hiding her impolite giggles behind her hand to complain about seeing a Dragon in a butt flossing thong.
Pastel de tres leches cake is being served for Molly’s birthday with real (double cream) whipped cream and strawberries. As to how much is left that depends on how fast you get your scaly crack showing behind back in your room where it belongs and if Molly is feeling generous about sharing any with you.
Hope you can still fly with all that pie in you becasue I’m NOT sending transport for you. You went UA/AWOL on your own you get back here the same way. TIme (and birthday cake) are wasting and you have a deadline for your issue looming!