I know exactly what you’re thinking…you’re thinking: “If Impish says this is going to be a strange issue, in comparison to his normally strange issues, what the hell are we in for?!”
Well, I’ll tell you. I had pretty much just got this issue started when I was privy to some information that confirmed what we, here at Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media Enterprises, LLP. have been preaching about, pointing out, soap boxing, use whatever synonym you want. But we’ve been telling you guys this for years. There’s a damn good reason the United States is still at war and still needs to be on guard against the terrorist horde that want to take our way of life from us. As we will see throughout today’s issue, those terrorists are not just from the Islamist countries, they are also home grown and some of them even hold political office!
I know! Incredible to even consider!
But, let’s go ahead and start today off with a laugh. I have a feeling that, by the end of t he issue, we are going to be damn glad that we had a laugh or two to get us through the crap. Like it says on the mast head:
The Indian doctor chimed in, ‘I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such poor golf!’
The Chinese businessman called out, ‘Move it, time is money!’
The Catholic priest said, ‘Here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him. Excuse me, sir!’ said the priest, ‘What’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?’
The greens keeper replied, ‘Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.’
The group fell silent for a moment.
The Catholic priest said, ‘That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.’
The Indian doctor said, ‘Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything that he might be able to do for them.’
The Chinese businessman replied, ‘I think I’ll donate $50,000 to the fire fighters union in honor of these brave souls!’
The Italian from New Jersey said, ‘Why the fuck can’t they play at night?
Hmm, I still think we need a bit more laughter before we are ready to get into the other stuff…
a glass of whiskey in the other and a Penthouse magazine tucked under his arm.
Salesman: “Hello son. Is your mom or dad home ?”
Little boy: “What the fuck do you think?”
the two people are critically injured and the car is badly damaged. The ambulance arrives,
but it is going too fast and crashes into the damaged car. The car blows up and causes the ambulance to flip on its side.
A passer-by, while walking on the sidewalk is toppled, by the force of the explosion, into the river beside the road.
Unfortunately he cannot swim and is drowning in the river. Another man runs out of a house screaming,
and shouts that his wife is pregnant and about to have her baby any second now.”
“I’d take off my uniform and disappear into the crowd.”
(Click on the article title to be linked to the entire article)
Would you have thought that there were 50? How many have you heard of? If you go to the article they enumerate them and you can see exactly what they are talking about. But, the surprising bit … for me … even with my connections and job was the fact that at least 42 of these could be categorized as “Home-grown Plots”. Why is it again, Mr. Congressman, that we need NOT dismantle our military?
Let me tell you about my doctor. He’s very good! If you tell him you want a second opinion, He’ll go out and come in again.
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for
Before he realized she was Chinese.
Another time, he gave a patient six months
to live. At the end of the six months, the patient hadn’t paid his bill, So, the doctor gave him another six months.
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said, “Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he’s invisible.” The doctor said, “Tell him I can’t see him.”
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled, “ Doctor, doctor! – my son just swallowed a roll of film!” The doctor calmly replied, “Let’s just wait and see what develops.”
I remember one time I told my doctor I had a ringing in my ears. His advice:
“Don’t answer it.”
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him,“Doctor, I think I’m a bell.” The doctor gave him some pills and said, “Here, take these –
If they don’t work, give me a ring.”
Another guy told the doctor that he thought
he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said,
“Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places, He told me to stop going to those places.
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
Then he says, “I wish you had come to me sooner.”
A mysterious image threatening the return to New York of Al Qaeda has appeared on a handful of Arabic websites, prompting the New York police department and federal authorities to investigate.
The chilling graphic, which looks like a poster for an upcoming movie, includes the English-language taunt, “Al Qaeda Coming Soon Again in New York.” NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said the image appeared in the “artwork and design” section of a murky site used as a forum for terror talk.
“The NYPD Intelligence Division’s cyber unit is investigating the origin and significance of the graphic below which appeared today on few Arabic-language Al Qaeda forums that remain online at the moment,” Browne said.
While city and federal authorities said there is no known threat behind the posting, they are trying to determine who is behind it. An FBI spokesman said the bureau is conducting a probe of its own.
“The FBI’s Joint Terrorism Task Force is aware of the posting and investigating its authenticity and origin,” said J. Peter Donald, spokesman for the FBI’s New York Field Office. “The FBI takes all threats seriously and at this time there is no specific or credible threat to New York.”
Anybody think this is just an empty threat?
If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them
If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send
them to Consulting.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot
If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut,
Computer Information Systems is their niche.
If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they’re destined for
the Help Desk.
If they mention what a good price we got for the table and
chairs, put them into Purchasing.
If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from
rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to the
Technical Documents team.
If they don’t even look up when you enter the room, assign
them to Security.
If they try to tell you it’s not as bad as it looks, send
them to Marketing.
Since we seem to be rattling down the road of threats here this morning, here’s another couple of articles you probably didn’t see in your local paper, but were sent to me through different sources.
America’s water and power utilities under daily cyber-attack
America’s water and energy utilities face constant cyber-espionage and denial-of-service attacks against industrial-control systems, according to the team of specialists from the U.S. Department of Homeland Security who are called to investigate the worst cyber-related incidents at these utilities. “On a daily basis, the U.S. is being targeted,” said Sanaz Browarny, chief, intelligence and analysis, control systems security program at the U.S. Department of Homeland Security as she presented some statistics from fly-away trips taken last year by the ICS emergency response team to utilities, most in the private sector. Out of the 17 fly-away trips taken by the ICS-CERT team to assist in network and forensics analysis, it appeared that seven of the security incidents originated as spear-phishing attacks via e-mail against utility personnel. Browarny said 11 of the 17 incidents were very “sophisticated,” signaling a well-organized “threat actor.” She said DHS believes that in 12 of the 17 cases, if only the compromised utility had been able to practice the most basic type of network security for corporate and industrial control systems, they would likely have detected or fended off the attack. There are three basic types of attacks coming at these utilities today, she said, those being thrill-seeking “garden-variety” hackers that target known vulnerabilities; secondly, the dangerous volley of viruses, worms and botnet attacks; and thirdly, “nation-state actors” that have “unlimited funding available” and conduct espionage as they “establish a covert presence on a sensitive network.”
Wow daily attacks? The article doesn’t go very far into speculating who the attacks are from, but do suggest that they are from a powerful “sophisticated” and “well organized” player.
Al-Qaeda ‘plotting another 9/11’ from Afghanistan
Al-Qaeda fighters have returned to Afghanistan and will use the country as a base to launch September 11-style attacks on Western cities, according to the American ambassador to Kabul. Nato officials believe that up to 100 al-Qaeda fighters have returned to the country, based mainly in the Kunar and Nuristan provinces near the border with Pakistan. Hundreds more are based in Pakistan and could return if circumstances were to change. Mr Crocker, who took up his post in Kabul last year, said al-Qaeda remained a potent threat despite suffering setbacks. ―We have killed all the slow and stupid ones. But that means the ones that are left are totally dedicated,‖ he said. ―We think we’ve won a campaign before our adversaries have even started to fight. They have patience, and they know that we are short on that.‖
By all means, let’s close some more bases here in the United States and abroad. Let’s save some money on the military so we can give it to those people who are too damn lazy to get off their asses and work for a living. People, you have to realize that this shit ain’t over with yet!!!!!!
and then we get these guys who are going to slap us in the face with how much they don’t give a damn whether we know what they are doing or not. If this next one doesn’t piss you off then you need to pack your bags and get the hell out of our3r country…
Al Qaeda bomb-making expert publishes magazine detailing how to make explosives
Al Qaeda’s many-headed media beast is back at it — a bomb-making expert has published a new e-magazine providing how-to info for would-be terrorists. The first installment to circulate through jihadist online circles is ominously titled Al Qaeda Airlines and features an image of a silhouetted twin-engine airliner climbing into the sunset. The 73-page text was penned by longtime jihadist and explosives guru Abdullah Dhu al-Bajadin, according to the SITE Intelligence Group, which monitors jihadist Web traffic. The mysterious figure is credited with writing an Internet encyclopedia of terror tradecraft, and once fielded online questions about bomb-making from wanna-be evildoers. The first installment outlines chemistry fundamentals and a recipe for the poisonous anesthetic chloroform.―We chose that because the beginner mujahid can prepare it at home using materials that are available in grocery stores and supermarkets,‖ The Airlines title appeared Saturday on a prominent jihadist forum, which mysteriously went offline along with five others late last month; it reappeared April 4. During the blackouts, another forum featured a graphic depicting the New York skyline with the words ―Al Qaeda coming soon again in New York.‖
The absolute gall and arrogance of this asshole! He should be hunted down … oh … wait … we are pulling out of the middle east. We are closing down bases. We are down-sizing the military.
Does anyone doubt the fact that we need to stay on our guard? That this battle isn’t even close to being over?
Rube Goldberg machines make accomplishing a simple task — like putting a stamp on an envelope — an over-engineered marathon of moving parts. This year’s Rube Goldberg Machine Contest held at Purdue University featured one of the most complex contraptions yet: The Purdue Society of Professional Engineers created a machine that blew up and popped a balloon in a winding 300 steps, breaking the team’s own Guinness world record for largest Rube Goldberg machine.
Based on the work of famous American cartoonist Rube Goldberg, there’s no shortage of elaborate Rube Goldberg machines. But none are more complex — in terms of total sequenced steps — than the Purdue Society of Professional Engineers’ latest creation. A 14-person team made up of Purdue undergraduates and one graduate student spent some 5,000 hours over six months designing and building the new record-breaking contraption.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
I may be schizophrenic,
but at least I have each other.
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,
it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person,
which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man who wrote
“The Hokey Pokey”,died peacefully at age 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin.
They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started.
I have to ask…what the hell is wrong with our country? We are going to hell and it sure ain’t in no handbasket! We’ve got the bullet train to the Abyss running here and it’s out of control! I mean really! WHAT THE HELL!!!???
Today is Wednesday, it’s after work and my sensibilities have been thrashed today! I get sent an article:
MANY BLACKS BEAT WHITE COUPLE, MEDIA BURY ATTACK
A beating at Church and Brambleton
(Click on the titles to see the articles)
In a nutshell:
Two reporters from the Pilot, a newspaper in Virginia, were in their car
A large group of black teenagers (the article said about a hundred) were crossing the street in front of their car
One of them threw a stone at the car
The driver, male, got out to confront the rock thrower
The mob beat the crap out of him
The passenger, female, tried to call 911. Finally got through on the third attempt (all the lines were busy[wtf?])
The mob beat the crap out of her
Cops arrive, do nothing (“that’s what they [the teens] do”)
The Paper (very pro democrat) covers it up for two weeks until called out on it
There’s so much more to this that you have to just read the articles and the comments. I especially encourage you to read the editor’s comments inserted into the second article.
But my point is, this is becoming more and more prevalent. A multitude of teenagers, usually brought together by texts or tweets, invade convenience stores, beat people up, whatever. And even though they get them on tape a lot of the time, they are kids and little more is done than a slap on the wrist and in this case, even the cops are ambivalent towards the situation.
Doesn’t happen around here?
Here’s another one for you:
Criminal Charges for 13 in Florida A&M Hazing Death
I know, those damn sports teams….no campers! It was the friggin’ band!!!!Prosecutors said Mr. Champion was beaten, kicked and suffocated by fellow band members during a hazing ritual aboard a bus. Under a tradition known as “Crossing Bus C,” students would walk down the aisle of the bus while classmates punched them. Mr. Champion was found lifeless on the bus and pronounced dead at a hospital.
They were in the band! And the article goes on to say that members of the school faculty were not only complacent, but participants! Maybe not in the actual beating and death of this student, but they KNEW what was going on and in some cases ENCOURAGED IT!
How about another couple of quick headlines
Mom Charged With Taking Girl, 5, Into Tanning Booth
Junior Seau commits suicide
1 in 7 people think the world is coming to an end…I don’t doubt it! The country is going crazy!!!
Do you know what the biggest difference between the destruction of New Orleans from hurricane Katrina and the destruction of Japan from the earthquake and subsequent tidal wave is?
Take a guess.
Can’t figure it out? Okay, then how about a couple of pictures to help you out…
And the biggest difference is????
In Japan there was very little, if any, looting, rioting and general stupidity.
We are SUPPOSED to be the mightiest country on earth. The moral leader. The country with so much integrity, that we (were) above reproach.
What’s happened to us?
Where has America gone?
Always trust in George to put things in a proper perspective. ‘Tis a shame he’s gone. I believe we need his wit and wisdom more now than ever before.
Let get away from the crankiness and contrariness for just a minute and talk about something that might end up being super cool for some of you… Thanks to Lethal for pointing this out in time for all of us to try it out.
At the same time — one minute later, to be precise, NASA says — the Earth, Sun and Moon will align such that the Moon is perfectly full.
All of this means the full Moon will appear 14 percent larger than its smallest (most distant) version, and 30 percent brighter than its most dim version. Sounds like a big deal, but without a frame of reference it will probably be hard to tell the difference:
Check out the link. There is a very cool video at the bottom of the page.
Finally, we’ve reached the end. Didn’t I tell you that it was going to be a wacky ride today? Lots and lots of things to talk about, to write back to us about. That’s what the comments section is for, and that’s why you should be reading this blog on line. If you are only reading this in your email, you are missing out on a huge part of the experience.
So, write to us, comment on us, and I have one additional request. Call it a homework assignment or whatever you’d like. I would like for all of you to write to us and let us know what type of things YOU’D like to see in Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs. Would you like more of a certain thing or less of something else? No, we aren’t going to stop being political, but if there is a direction or topic you’d like for us to explore, please let us know.
And until Wednesday, when our dear friend and fellow camper Lethal Leprechaun has his say, be safe, be happy and keep laffing!