Dragon Laffs #1267


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Adult-Content-1_thumb1_thumbROAD TRIP!!

The Air Force is sending me on yet another TDY (Temporary Duty) for another class.  This should be an excellent class, again, in a crappy location.  It’s amazing the way they always do that to me.  Send me somewhere south when it’s hot and north when it’s cold, when it should be the complete opposite way around.  Oh well, what can I say.

I did learn something this week…I’ve learned everything I know about car repair the same way I’ve learned everything I know about computers…by fixing broken stuff.  The other day, it was … how a bad TPS can stop your car from working properly.  What’s a TPS?  It’s well you might ask, because I had to.  After much trouble shooting it was determined that I had a bad Throttle Positioning Sensor. The elusive TPS.  So, instead of paying the Dealership to put the car on the computer, finding out the problem, and then paying the marked up price for the part and then an exorbitant fee for an hour’s labor, I took it to a local shop where the owner and I BOTH figured out what was wrong (granted, he figured it out and I passed the tools, but I LEARNED).  Then, realizing that I could R² (Remove and Replace) the bad part myself, I went to the local Auto-Zone and bought it.  And to show you  how easy it was, here it is, step-by-step in our blog:

Impish Dragon Describes How To Remove and Replace (R²) the Throttle Positioning Sensor on a 2006 Dodge Stratus
1.  What the hell does this TPS thingy-me-bob even look like?5
Okay, so we now know what it looks like, how do we get it out?  Well, we go to step
#2. Remove the electrical plug5a1
Push in on the lock on the bottom and carefully remove the gray plug.  Don’t yank on the wires, because then all you have is wires in one hand and a plug still attached to the silly Throttle Thingy.  Not bad for your removal step, but your replacement step is bound to be much more difficult.
#3. Carefully loosen and remove the two screws (they have those 7 or 9 pointed star torque fasteners.  Look like a Phillips head screw driver with a bad hang over).

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Don’t drop them!  You will REALLY regret it!
#4. Once the bolts are gone, you can pull the old Sensor out
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#5. Now, grab the new one…
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#6. Install the new one, tighten the bolts
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#7.  Gently push the electrical connector back on and….
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Okay, so it wasn’t rocket science.  But now, I not only know WHAT a TPS is, but I also know WHERE it is, WHAT it does, HOW it works and how to REMOVE and REPLACE it!  Thanks to Jim for the great education.

So, now that Auto Shop is over, let’s get on with the regular show…you know, the whole reason you guys are here…

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Impish Dragon at Home

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Wooo Hooo!  I’ve got March Madness!
No, not the basketball thing.
March Madness.
It comes right after my February Fits and my April Agitation.
~with a nod to Maxine for the help

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Wish my eye doctor used that technique…

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What a great Vaudeville like act from the Jovers in 1980.  You will laugh and be amazed

and yes…you need to go to the blog at http://dragonlaffs.com to see the video.  It won’t show up in the email.  You should be reading it there each day anyway!  Come on campers!

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I’ve a special treat for you today.  Although I don’t believe that the Asian representation of dragons are true dragons as much as they are big snakes, here’s a video from a guy who says that he found this little shop while traveling in Japan and videoed the whole process.  Way, way cool!

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Stupidity is alive and well…
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Okay, is it just me, or does he look a little like an Oriental Captain Picard?


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Very, very nicely said…

Dear “Occupy” people who call me a spoiled rich kid,

I only go to a private school because I got a scholarship. I only have an iPod Touch because I babysat every Saturday night for a year. I only wear really nice clothes because they don’t fit my cousin anymore. I’m only going on a trip to Europe with my French class because I got straight A’s and helped at every school fundraiser possible to get financial support.

Sincerely, there’s more to people than you see, look closer

 

And the problem the Occupy people have with that, is that they all want EXACTLY the same thing, but without having to work for it like you did.

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I said, “Look it up in the dictionary.”
The Student starts up the computer…
”What are you doing?” I ask
”Going to dictionary.com” the student replies…what do you mean, there’s a book for that?
Or even worse…
”What’s a book?”

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FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the bastard’s name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they’re in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to shoot them.
5. Trying to debate with Obama voters is like trying to pick up a turd by its clean end.

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Like hell I’m getting a bath!

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This is great fun.  From Makeuseof.com and the guys from ok go
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/ok-gos-dating-website/ 

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chivalry

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Dear Boy

Dirty Mind

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British

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Pun Queen

Okay, so some of these are really, really bad….which is GREAT fun!

When the plums dry on your tree, it’s time to prune.
 
 Bank ad: Come in and see us if you are loan-ly.
 
  I was fired from my job selling amplifiers. I didn’t achieve the sufficient volume of sales.
 
If you are among the cream of dairy inspectors, nothing cheesy gets pasteurize.
 
Sausage sales bring out the wurst in people.
 
Whomever invented the girdle got a bum wrap.
And also from our dear Diaman…
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I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox,informing me that I can have sex at 79.


THIS IS GREAT  NEWS!
I’m so happy,  because I live at number 71.
So it’s not too far to walk home afterwards.
And it’s the same side of the street. I don’t have to cross the  road!

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This is simply amazing when you think about it… this little piece basically starts with a bit of a joke, but goes on to extrapolate a real issue…
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Isn’t it amazing that, within only one week of Tiger Woods crashing his Escalade, the press found every woman with whom Tiger has had an affair during the last few years?
 
And, they even uncovered photos, text messages, recorded phone calls, etc.!
Furthermore, they not only know the cause of the family fight, but they even know it was a 9 iron from his golf bag that his wife used to break out the windows in the Escalade.
 
And, each & every day, they were able to continue to provide America with updates on Tiger’s sex rehab stay, his wife’s divorce settlement figures, as well as the dates & tournaments in which he will play.
Now, Barack Hussein Obama has been in office for over three years, yet this very same press:

· Cannot find any of his childhood friends or neighbors;

· Or find any of Obama’s high school or college classmates;

· Or locate any of his college papers or grades;

· Or determine how he paid for both a Columbia and a Harvard education;

· Or discover which country issued his visa to travel to Pakistan in the 1980’s;

· Or even find Michelle Obama’s Princeton thesis on racism.

They just can’t seem to uncover any of this.

Okay now I know that some of this just isn’t true, but it’s not far from the truth.  I have seen like two articles about people who went to school with Obama, one said that he was supposedly in the same class with Obama yet didn’t know, or recognize him, the second, the individual said that, other than him (Obama) being outwardly vocal against racism, in a racist way, he really wasn’t much impressed.

And speaking of racism; I read the other day that Mr. Obama doesn’t want to be considered a black president, that race has no place in this election.  BS flagHe isn’t the first black president, he is a president who happens to be black.  Where’s my bull-shit flag?

This man has played the race card more often than OJ’s lawyers!  EVERYTHING is about race.  From voter discrimination at the poles to his buddy Gates getting arrested for disorderly conduct in his home. 

Anyway, this Last Word isn’t about Race, it’s about the Press not doing it’s job.  Between the press and the paparazzi anything can be found out about anyone…yet there is almost nothing about Obama’s past.  It’s amazing to me. 

The article then goes on to say that people still trust the press.  I don’t think that’s a true statement anymore either.  Do any of YOU still trust the press?  Not me!

and then…. Gracie/Jeannie sent me this great letter from Bristol Palin’s blog.  Have any of you seen this?  Has it gotten ANY airtime from ANY of the media outlets?  Of course not.  So, in our own little attempt to spread the word, here’s the letter, in its entirety and the link so you can read some of the bazzillion comments she’s gotten.

Here’s the link: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/bristolpalin/2012/03/mr-president-when-should-i-expect-your-call/ 

Here’s the post:

Mr. President, When Should I Expect Your Call?

Dear President Obama,

You don’t know my telephone number, but I hope your staff is busy trying to find it. Ever since you called Sandra Fluke after Rush Limbaugh called her a slut, I figured I might be next.  You explained to reporters you called her because you were thinking of your two daughters, Malia and Sasha.  After all, you didn’t want them to think it was okay for men to treat them that way:

“One of the things I want them to do as they get older is engage in issues they care about, even ones I may not agree with them on,” you said.  “I want them to be able to speak their mind in a civil and thoughtful way. And I don’t want them attacked or called horrible names because they’re being good citizens.”

And I totally agree your kids should be able to speak their minds and engage the culture.  I look forward to seeing what good things Malia and Sasha end up doing with their lives.

But here’s why I’m a little surprised my phone hasn’t rung.  Your $1,000,000 donor Bill Maher has said reprehensible things about my family.  He’s made fun of my brother because of his Down’s Syndrome. He’s said I was “f—-d so hard a baby fell out.”  (In a classy move, he did this while his producers put up the cover of my book, which tells about the forgiveness and redemption I’ve found in God after my past – very public — mistakes.)

If Maher talked about Malia and Sasha that way, you’d return his dirty money and the Secret Service would probably have to restrain you.  After all, I’ve always felt you understood my plight more than most because your mom was a teenager.  That’s why you stood up for me when you were campaigning against Sen. McCain and my mom — you said vicious attacks on me should be off limits.

Yet I wonder if the Presidency has changed you.  Now that you’re in office, it seems you’re only willing to defend certain women.  You’re only willing to take a moral stand when you know your liberal supporters will stand behind you.

But…

What if you did something radical and wildly unpopular with your base and took a stand against the denigration of all women… even if they’re just single moms? Even if they’re Republicans?

I’m not expecting your SuperPAC to return the money.  You’re going to need every dime to hang on to your presidency.  I’m not even really expecting a call.  But would it be too much to expect a little consistency?  After all, you’re President of all Americans, not just the liberals.

There’s a point when you “hope” that he gets it.  That it makes him feel just a teeny bit bad about himself.  But I doubt it.  Although, for some reason, I don’t doubt at all that him and Maher both have read it.

Be well my friends.  Look for updates from Texas.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1267

  1. gimnasia en casa de la Spammer says:

    With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My website has a lot of exclusive content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any methods to help stop content from being ripped off? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

    Lethal here~

    Let me put it like this to you- “No tenemos un problema del plagerism porque no somos bastardos españoles desgraciados del Spamming”

    Beside most of your stuff is quoted and sources cited. The majority of our original material is our opinions and reporting on Impish antics. Occasionally one of your specials while containing a great deal of web available material might have some information that is original.

    Perhaps of you were not such a pendejo and a gilipollas about spamming other sites with advertizements for yours and blogs people would be less incline to rape your site in retaliation. Lord know if there was anything there of any value what so ever I would be doing it to you in retaliation for trying to spam us

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    IF your TDY is anything like TAD (Temporarily Assigned Duty) then its TRUE meaning is something akin to the true meaning of TAD…Traveling Around Drunk so I’m guessing it means something like Totally Drunken Yutz!
    Never try to kid a Leprechaun!

    • impishdragon says:

      TDY = Temporary DutY or, Temporary Duty Yonder if you wish. Only if you’re a Marine….aww, who am I kidding. Traveling Drunken Yahoos is probably as close as anything.
      Cheers.

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