Dragon Laffs #1266


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Adult Content 1_thumb[1]Good morning campers!  And a wonderful St. Patrick’s Day to you.  I’m on my way to work, but I wanted you all to know that I hope for the very best day for all of you, please be careful and responsible in your celebrations today.  I expect to see you all back here next week. 

And now, in special celebration of St. Patrick’s Day, …

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I’ve always wondered how this trend started.  It’s funny, because I thought it was started with pirates and sailors and them having enough gold on them for a Christian burial.  Now I know different…

Why Men Wear Earrings

 

          Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in “fashion sense”

The man walks up to him and says, “I didn’t know you were into earrings.”

“Don’t make such a big deal, it’s only an earring,” he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, “So, how long have you been wearing one?”

          “Ever since my wife found it in my truck.”

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SKY WRITER HONORING CLINT EASTWOOD LAST MAY.
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JANE FONDA REPORTEDLY LOOKED UP AND REMARKED,

“BUT IT’S NOT MY BIRTHDAY!”

 

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You know…..that’s a really good point…
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All you pilot types out there ought to know the answer to this one…

Actually, this should be an easy quiz for anyone with even a modicum of knowledge about aircraft and aerodynamics.  But, the answer may surprise you.

What is the primary advantage of rotary-winged aircraft over fixed-wing aircraft?

Take your time and think about it before you scroll down to the answer below…

flying helicopterVS. airplanelittle

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Yeah… I got it wrong, too!

 

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Breaking News!

Mythology Land – (Breaking News!) The Federal Government announced today that Ikea will be taking over General Motors.  Ikea, an international home furnishings company known44 for selling it’s products packaged and ready to assemble at home, has agreed to take over the government’s ownership portion of GM (jokingly called, “Government Motors”) with a ground-breaking, assemble your own car at home, idea.
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Gives a whole new meaning to “Some Assembly Required.”  And just as I figured, “Batteries Not Included!”

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The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why.

“Well, Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.”

 “How come He doesn’t answer it?” she asked.

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A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?”

The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”

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When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, “And all girls.”

 This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, “Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?”

 Her response, “Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!

Happy St pat day

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Public Service 1

This could happen to you!

Caught on a security camera in a parking lot: WATCH THIS – ONLY 52 SECONDS Make sure your wife, husband, TEENAGERS, and all your friends see this! No sound, just watch. You will be flabbergasted. Okay, I think both men AND women should be aware of this. It COULD have happened to anyone of us. If you notice he got away with her car, purse, and keys without touching her . . . Worst of all, she couldn’t even give a description of the person to the police (thankfully there wasn’t a child in the car.) I hate to admit it, but I could see myself doing exactly what she did. I’m glad I saw this video. Please watch and pass it on


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Yeah, knowing our Leprechaun…I’m sure he did!

Jeannie wants to know…Is it true?
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Lethal, my friend….I’m leaving that one up to you.

and another thing…I’m gonna have to leave this one up to the Leprechaun to defend or deny as well…
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This has got to be the coolest interactive on the internet!!! From the smallest object in the universe to the largest.  Hours of fun right here!
http://htwins.net/scale2/

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And he sends me these pictures and wonders why we get hate mail…

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This is GREAT!  Happy St. Patrick’s Day from Guinness

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Wife – “Where the heck have you been? You said you’d be done with golf by noon!”

 

Husband – “I’m so sorry Honey…but you probably don’t want to hear the reason.”

 

Wife – I want the truth, and I want it NOW!’

 

Husband – “Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the car, and would have been here at 12 on the button. On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she’s offering me money. Of course I refuse it – Then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton – and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She’s such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it – one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I’m in her room….clothes are flying ……the talking stopped….and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. There. You wanted the truth….you got it.”

 

Wife – “Bullshit. You played 36 holes, didn’t you!”

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Once upon a time there lived a beautiful queen with lovely large

breasts.

        Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the queen for this reason.

He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to

touch them, but he had to try.

        One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague,

Horatio the physician, the king’s chief doctor. Horatio thought about

this and said that he could arrange for Nick to satisfy his desire, but

it would cost him 1000 gold coins to arrange it.

 

        Without any hesitation, Nick readily agreed to the scheme.

 

        The next day, Horatio made up a batch of itching powder and

poured some into the queen’s bra while she bathed. Soon after she

dressed, itching commenced and it grew intense. Upon being summoned to

the royal chambers to address this problem, Horatio informed the king

and queen that only a special saliva, if applied for two hours, would

cure this type of itch, and tests had shown that, among all the citizens

of the kingdom, only Nick’s saliva would work as an antidote to the

itch.

 

        The king, eager to help his queen, quickly summoned Nick to

their chambers. Horatio then slipped Nick the antidote for the itching

powder, which he put into his mouth, and for the next two hours, Nick

worked passionately on the queen’s large and magnificent breasts.

        The Queen’s itching was eventually relieved, and Nick left

satisfied. He was hailed by both the king and the queen as a hero.

 

        Upon returning to his chamber, Nick found Horatio demanding

payment of 1000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick

couldn’t have cared less, knowing that Horatio could never report this

matter to the king and, with a laugh, told him to get lost.

 

        The next day, Horatio slipped a large dose of the itching powder

into the king’s underwear. The King immediately summoned Nick . . .

        ——————————–

        The moral of the story is — pay your bills!

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Our dear Lethal Leprechaun on Sunday…

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There is a little known story of an Irish daughter…now this daughter may or may not have been a relation to our own Lethal Leprechaun.  Tis hard to say and even harder to get our curmudgeonly wee green one to answer a question straight.  So, for the sake of our story, let’s just call her an Irish Daughter…
and wouldn’t you know it, but the lass has been gone from home for nigh upon 5 years.  Upon her return her father (or possibly her grand-father or a favorite uncle, but we’re not speculating that it could be our Lethal Leprechaun) cursed her heavily. (And none of us can see our dear LL doing that, now can we?)
”Where have ye been all this time, child?  Why did ye not write to us, not even a line?  Not an e-mail, a phone call or even a text message?  Have ye no idea what ye put your old mother (or grandmother, aunt…etc.) through?  The pain she’s endured…”
The girl replied, crying, “Oh Dad…, I became a prostitute.”
”Ye what!?” exclaimed our hero.  “Get out of here ye shameless harlot!  You sinner!  You’re a disgrace to this Catholic family, ye are!”
“Okay Dad…as ye wish.  I only came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title  deed to a ten bedroom mansion, plus a 5 million Euro savings certificate.
For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes Limited Edition Convertible that’s parked outside, plus a membership to the Country Club …” The young girl takes a breath, “and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera.”
After a long silence, “What was it you said ye had become?” says Dad.
The girl starts crying again, “a…prostitute, Daddy.”
”Oh my goodness!  Ye scared me half to death, girl!  I thought you said a Protestant!  Come here and give yer old Dad a hug!”
So, as you can see…there’s no way of knowing one way or the other, if it be our dear Leprechaun!  Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

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Irish special forces

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Happy St P letters

Actual sign on the girder at the Guinness Factory

Guinness Ev1 Irish Mar 17th

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The last time I was over in the old country, I stole this sign as a present for my dear friend, Lethal Leprechaun…do you think he’ll like it?

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Pun Queen

The telemarketer asked me if I read magazines at
all and I replied that I did, periodically.

 

 


 

I used to sell computer parts, but then I lost my drive.
 
Why did the capacitor kiss the diode? He just couldn’t resistor.
Cholesterophobia: The fear of frying.
 
Last week I was diagnosed with insomnia, and now I’m just so tired of it.
 
Did you hear about the two radio antennas that got married?
The wedding was terrible, but the reception was excellent!

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I know it’s tantamount to sacrilege to mention the British on St. Patrick’s Day, but here are some more of  those
British
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For today’s Last Word, I think it very appropriate to show you this wonderful article from National Geographic called:

St. Patrick’s Day 2012: Facts, Myths, and Traditions

John Roach

for National Geographic News

Updated March 16, 2012

On St. Patrick’s Day—Saturday, March 17—millions of people will don green and celebrate the Irish with parades, good cheer, and perhaps a pint of beer.

But few St. Patrick’s Day revelers have a clue about St. Patrick, the historical figure, according to the author of St. Patrick of Ireland: A Biography.

“The modern celebration of St. Patrick’s Day really has almost nothing to do with the real man,” said classics professor Philip Freeman of Luther College in Iowa. (Take an Ireland quiz.)

Who Was the Man Behind St. Patrick’s Day?

For starters, the real St. Patrick wasn’t even Irish. He was born in Britain around A.D. 390 to an aristocratic Christian family with a townhouse, a country villa, and plenty of slaves.

What’s more, Patrick professed no interest in Christianity as a young boy, Freeman noted.

At 16, Patrick’s world turned: He was kidnapped and sent overseas to tend sheep as a slave in the chilly, mountainous countryside of Ireland for seven years. (See Ireland pictures.)

“It was just horrible for him,” Freeman said. “But he got a religious conversion while he was there and became a very deeply believing Christian.”

St. Patrick’s Disembodied Voices

According to folklore, a voice came to Patrick in his dreams, telling him to escape. He found passage on a pirate ship back to Britain, where he was reunited with his family.

The voice then told him to go back to Ireland.

“He gets ordained as a priest from a bishop, and goes back and spends the rest of his life trying to convert the Irish to Christianity,” Freeman said.

Patrick’s work in Ireland was tough—he was constantly beaten by thugs, harassed by the Irish royalty, and admonished by his British superiors. After he died on March 17, 461, Patrick was largely forgotten.

But slowly, mythology grew around Patrick, and centuries later he was honored as the patron saint of Ireland, Freeman noted.

(Related: “St. Patrick’s Day Fast Facts: Beyond the Blarney.”)

Is Your Shamrock Real or Bogus?

According to St. Patrick’s Day lore, Patrick used the three leaves of a shamrock to explain the Christian holy trinity: the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Today, St. Patrick’s Day revelers wear a shamrock. Trifolium dubium, the wild-growing, three-leaf clover that some botanists consider the official shamrock, is an annual plant that germinates in the spring.

Other three-leaf clovers, such as the perennials Trifolium repens and Medicago lupulina, are “bogus shamrocks,” according to the Irish Times.

John Parnell, a botanist at Trinity College Dublin, said that Trifolium dubium is the most commonly used shamrock today, which lends credence to the claims of authenticity.

However, he added, the custom of wearing a shamrock dates back to the 17th and 18th centuries, and “I know of no evidence to say what people then used. I think the argument on authenticity is purely academic—basically I’d guess they used anything cloverlike then.”

What’s more, botanists say there’s nothing uniquely Irish about shamrocks. Most clover species can be found throughout Europe.

No Snakes in Ireland

Another St. Patrick myth is the claim that he banished snakes from Ireland. It’s true no snakes exist on the island today, Luther College’s Freeman said—but they never did.

Ireland, after all, is surrounded by icy waters—much too cold to allow snakes to migrate from Britain or anywhere else.

Since snakes often represent evil in literature, “when Patrick drives the snakes out of Ireland, it is symbolically saying he drove the old, evil, pagan ways out of Ireland [and] brought in a new age,” Freeman said.

The snake myth, the shamrock story, and other tales were likely spread by well-meaning monks centuries after St. Patrick’s death, Freeman said.

(Related: “Snakeless in Ireland: Blame Ice Age, Not St. Patrick.”)

St. Patrick’s Day: Made in America?

Until the 1970s, St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland was a minor religious holiday. A priest would acknowledge the feast day, and families would celebrate with a big meal, but that was about it.

“St. Patrick’s Day was basically invented in America by Irish-Americans,” Freeman said.

Irish-American history expert Timothy Meagher said Irish charitable organizations originally celebrated St. Patrick’s Day with banquets in places such as Boston, Massachusetts; Savannah, Georgia; and Charleston, South Carolina.

Eighteenth-century Irish soldiers fighting with the British in the U.S. Revolutionary War held the first St. Patrick’s Day parades. Some soldiers, for example, marched through New York City in 1762 to reconnect with their Irish roots.

Other parades followed in the years and decades after, including well-known celebrations in Boston, Philadelphia, and Chicago, primarily in flourishing Irish immigrant communities.

“It becomes a way to honor the saint but also to confirm ethnic identity and to create bonds of solidarity,” said Meagher, of Catholic University in Washington, D.C..

Dyeing the River Green for St. Patrick’s Day

Sometime in the 19th century, as St. Patrick’s Day parades were flourishing, wearing the color green became a show of commitment to Ireland, Meagher said.

In 1962 the show of solidarity took a spectacular turn in Chicago when the city decided to dye a portion of the Chicago River green.

The tradition started when parade organizer Steve Bailey, head of a plumbers’ union, noticed how a dye used to trace possible sources of river pollution had stained a colleague’s overalls a brilliant green, according to greenchicagoriver.com.

Why not use the dye to turn the whole river green on St. Patrick’s Day, Bailey thought. So began the tradition.

The environmental impact of the dye is minimal compared with pollution such as bacteria from sewage-treatment plants, said Margaret Frisbie, the executive director of the advocacy group Friends of the Chicago River.

Rather than advising against the dye, her group focuses on turning the Chicago River into a welcoming habitat full of fish, herons, turtles, and beavers. If the river becomes a wildlife haven, the thinking goes, Chicagoans won’t want to dye their river green.

“Our hope is that, as the river continues to improve, ultimately people can get excited about celebrating St. Patrick’s Day different ways,” she said.

Pint of Guinness on St. Patrick’s Day

On any given day 5.5 million pints of Guinness, the famous Irish stout brand, are consumed around the world.

But on St. Patrick’s Day, that number more than doubles to 13 million pints, said Beth Davies Ryan, global corporate-relations director of Guinness.

“Historically speaking, a lot of Irish immigrants came to the United States and brought with them lots of customs and traditions, one of them being Guinness,” she said.

Today, the U.S. tradition of St. Patrick’s Day parades, packed pubs, and green silliness has invaded Ireland with full force, said Freeman, the classics professor.

The country, he noted, figured out that the popularity of St. Patrick’s Day was a good way to boost spring tourism. (Get National Geographic Traveler magazine’s list of the best hotels in Ireland.)

“Like anybody else,” he said, “they can take advantage of a good opportunity.”

There is just way too much here for me to dwell on any one specific thing, but there are a couple of things I want you all to take out of this…especially our dear Leprechaun…St. Patrick wasn’t Irish, he was British; He didn’t drive the snakes out of Ireland, that was the Ice Age; The holiday, as we know it today isn’t Irish, it’s American; and Orange is more likely the color we should use, not green!  Faith and begorah, I need another pint of Guinness!  I hope you all have a truly marvelous St. Patrick’s Day and a great weekend.  Now, I’m off to work, keeping the world safe for Dragons.  1_thumb5_thumb

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1266

  1. Pingback: Leprechaun Laughs #133 for Wednesday 03-21-2012 | Dragon Laffs

  2. lethalleprechaun says:

    OH YOU MISERABLE BLOODY TREACHEROUS HEATHEN DRAGON THEM IS BOLD FACED LIES AND FIGHTIN’ WORDS! ITS FECKING BLOODY WELL ON NOW!

    TRUE Sons & Daughters of Erin, the Irish Diaspora &/or expats, those whose blood type is listed as “Erin Go Brach” and is the color of the finest emeralds view and celebrate St Patrick’s Day in a completely different manner than you drunken holiday stealing posers!

    WE do not revere St Patrick of blessed memory for being Irish we honor him and his memory for being The Patron Saint of Ireland! It is YOU holiday usurping any excuse to be a bunch of rowdy obnoxious drunken posers who bollixed up the story and then spread it around as the (gospel) truth.

    The term “snakes’ is a modern (mis)translation of the original term used in the Legend of St Patrick which was ‘serpent’ and used in its Biblical context meaning agent of evil &/or the devil. You know, Imps, Devils, Demons DRAGONS, IMPISH DRAGONS and the like. Others say that the ‘serpents’ term is a Catholic Church Hierarchy reference the the Druids who were the native priests of Ireland before the conversion to Christianity (we all know just how much the Catholic Church likes completion when moving into a new territory) There may well be some truth to this angle as supposedly the Druids held sway and control over such “Earth Forces” as Imps and Dragons in legends.

    Again you non Irish holiday moochers yet again disrespectfully screwed this up too and propagated it as the truth because all you cared about was getting to the drinks and not for the truth of our heritage.

    Lets talk a wee bit about colors for a bit. Personally I’m at the moment quite fond of black, blue and all the lovely shades of yellow and green that the bruises I’m going to bestow upon you with me shillelagh are going to turn as they (painfully) heal you ungrateful ignorant stabber of (Irish) backs!

    While green is known as the traditional color for St. Patrick’s Day, there are significant meanings behind wearing green, orange, or white on St. Patrick’s Day. All three colors represent significant events in Irish history that are tied to the country’s religious heritage.

    The flag of Ireland is divided into three vertical stripes of equal size: green, white and orange. Not so coincidentally these are the colors that are commonly worn on St. Patrick’s Day, each with a special meaning and representing three distinct groups in Irish history. Although the flag’s meaning is not covered by the Irish Constitution the Irish government has stated that the green represents the Gaelic tradition of Ireland and the orange represents the followers of William of Orange in Ireland, with white representing peace, or a truce, between them.

    Green

    The green stripe on the left of the flag is a traditional Celtic color, signifying Ireland’s Celtic history.

    Green is the color most commonly associated with St. Patrick’s Day. Ireland’s nickname the “Emerald Isle” and its inclusion in the Irish flag have made wearing green a show of allegiance to Ireland. Irish-Americans popularized the custom of wearing green on St. Patrick’s Day to show their solidarity and to respect their heritage.

    It is also the color associated with Irish Catholics because they opposed the Dutch Prince William who became king of England on his marriage to Mary Stuart, and who ensured the protestant succession to the English throne. the mainly catholic Irish opposed this and often used the traditional Irish green flag + golden harp as their banner.

    Orange
    The orange stripe on the right represents William of Orange, the Dutch prince who became King William III of England after the Catholic James II was deposed in 1690, Irish Protestants took military control of Ireland with the victory of William of Orange and his troops over King James II in the Battle of the Boyne. William of Orange was a Protestant and King James II was a Catholic. A protestant who also ruled over Ireland, he still was viewed with tolerance by most of Ireland. Hence, the mainly protestant supporters of the link with Britain, were labeled orange, in memory of the Dutch Prince William who became king of England on his marriage to Mary Stuart, and who ensured the protestant succession to the English throne.

    Since then, “Orange Protestants” have worn orange in honor of William of Orange on St. Patrick’s Day, a day when Catholics traditionally wear green. (in other words to be piety, spiteful, show general disdain, disrespect and perpetuate the divide between Catholic & Protestant rather than heal it)

    White
    The white stripe in the middle of the Irish flag represents the cooperation, or truce, between the historic Celtic tradition of Ireland and the English, protestant William of Orange.

    Some wear white, to represent the Celtic Druids, who practiced the indigenous religion of Ireland. Some historians, who cite that Ireland is an island, say that the snakes St. Patrick drove away from Ireland are a metaphor for converting the Celtic Druids to Christianity. The conversion of the Druids, like most similar acts throughout history, was not completely peaceful.

    So you, John Roach (why ANYONE would listen seriously to anything written about an Irish holiday by a non-Irishman named after the most disgusting insect in existence is beyond my keen…oh wait you’re a dumb assed Polish Dragon) as well as Nat Geo News can all bloody well orange me McGoogles, sod off and POG MO THOIN (that’s Gaelic meaning Kiss Me Arse for intellectually challenged Dragons)!

    AS FOR ME IRISH BALLS WHY DON’T YOU SUCK ME LUCKY CHARMS…THEY’RE MAGICALLY DELICIOUS!
    I fail to understand why that issue has come up. EVERY time Molly makes some of me Irish Balls you are RIGHT THERE begging to suck them down by the score. YOU’VE even proclaimed that you prefer them over your long time favorites Alex Baldwin’s very own Schweddy Balls which you once confessed you could never get enough of and wished you could have everyday!

    Lastly you go ahead and wear that Orange color Impish. Hunters wear it because it stand out so well amongst the greenery which is supposed to make them easier to spot and avoid shooting. Well easier to spot is also easier to target and shoot if you are of a murderous bent as I am now. No way I could fail to not find you wearing about 5 parachutes and a circus tent’s worth of orange cloth so you go right ahead and play bloody Protestant heckler on St Patrick’s Day! It should also make it that much harder for Mrs. Dragon who IS a true Daughter of Erin to find you and beat the stuffing out of you before I DO shoot you and put you out of Ireland & true Irish Men (& women)’s misery permanently!

    NOW that I have had to take time away from me bloody day off to defend myself, Ireland and Saint Patrick from your slander JUST because you got stuck doing the St Patrick’s Day issue this year and could not wallow in drunken excess like you wanted to can I get back to celebrating my heritage in the correct traditional manner? Seems after this defense of St. Patrick’s Day traditions and meanings rant I’ve need to confess my sins for a second time today, for when it comes to a certain Dragon there is murder in me heart and bloody in my eye at the moment!

    I take my thoroughly disgusted leave of your sad ignorant non-Irish existence Impish by paraphrasing an Irish Folk Song written By Tony Miles, it’s an Irish drinking song certainly appropriate for your perverted and slanted version of my holiday. It’s been recorded by The Dubliners, The McKenzies and Fiddlers Green…

    Bugger off, you bastard bugger off! (Feck You!)
    Bugger off, you bastard bugger off! (Feck You!)
    Like a herd of bloody swine who refuse to leave the trough
    You’ll get no more this evening so you bastard bugger off!

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