I’d like to start out by thanking Impish for agreeing to swap days with me this week to make my life just a little easier. Especially since I didn’t exactly tell him what it was I was doing that I could not get Leprechaun Laughs out in time for Wednesday.
As usual he only got things part right. I was down south close like to the border with some friends, but we were not playing “catch and release” with illegals, we were hunting big game. See its Zeta Cartel Member Season down around Falcon Lake and we were looking for trophy mounts. The only tequila involved was the stuff we were putting out as bait.
I had to leave my friends a little early however and before I got a trophy unfortunately. That was when Impish chose to call and I told him I was indisposed and could not talk. He took that to mean I was in the head and asked me to call him back when I was done which I neglected to do and that’s where his fantasy yarn starts spinning on about me and the Revenge of Montezuma’’’ from bad tequila. In truth there is a higher percentage chance of me voting Liberal Democrat than my drinking tequila of any brand type or age.
Actually I was out at Boeing picking up my new heavily customized 787 Dreamliner ‘Shamrock One’.’” Here is a preproduction engineering rendering of my new darling of the air:
I didn’t want to mention it to Impish because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings (He thinks I LIKE hanging on for dear life in his back in bad weather while he loses all sense of direction altitude and attitude), didn’t want to depress him that I had raked in that much more than he had in 2011 that I could afford to trade in the G-5 for something a little roomier and I DEFINATELY didn’t want him asking for a ride or if he could borrow it until the “new jet smell” wears off. Dragons have a rather pervasive scent about them (primarily sulphur and brimstone) and I paid HUGE amounts of gold for that new plane smell so I plan on getting my moneys worth out of it.
YES Impish you’ll eventually get a private ride. NO you cannot borrow it- unless that is you can afford to pay for the fuel, my crew and airport fees out of YOUR pocket.
Now that’s what I call a heavenly cup of coffee!
Wondering what the New Year will bring? Me too!
GROUNDHOG DAY 2012
In the coming New Year, 2012, both Groundhog Day and the State of the Union address will occur on the same day.
This is an ironic juxtaposition of events.
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to an insignificant creature of little intelligence for prognostication.
The other involves a groundhog.
For all you D&D and RPG fans out there
Sent to me by Lynn, The Three Little Pigs like you have NEVER heard it told, in PROPER Kings English
John Branyan – The Three Little Pigs
The Top 5 Predicted Headlines for 2012
5> “Occupy: Wallstreet” Movement Celebrates First Anniversary
With Huge Public Gathering
4> Obama Wins Election by Default After “Rogue” Predator Drones
Take Out All Republican Candidates
3> Assad Steps Assad
2> Millions in Tijuana Without Power as Mayan End-of-Calendar
Bug Hits Mexican Computers
and The Number 1 Predicted Headline for 2012…
1> Nobel Prize Awarded to Discoverer of Cure for Bieber Fever
[ Copyright 2011 by Chris White/TopFive.com ]
The REAL Story Behind the Mayan Calendar Mystery
Pitbull vs Kitten
Wait till it gets to the hallway scene, you WILL bust out laughing!
Walter Dixon Charged With DUI After Falling Asleep In McDonald’s Drive-Thru
A Tennessee man was arrested early Sunday after he allegedly fell asleep in the drive-thru of the Rock ‘N Roll McDonald’s in downtown Chicago.
Walter Dixon, 31, was allegedly drunk when he pulled into the McDonald’s drive-thru at 600 N. Clark St. in the city’s River North neighborhood around 6:13 a.m. on New Year’s Day, Fox Chicago reports.
When police arrived to check on the driver, they found open containers of alcohol in his black Volvo SUV. When they asked Dixon whether he needed medical attention or an ambulance, he reportedly declined but added that he “just wanted another McDonald’s sandwich,” according to the Chicago Tribune.
Dixon took a Breathalyzer test and police found his blood-alcohol content to be .207, far above the legal limit of .08, the Tribune reports.
Dixon was charged with driving under the influence, driving on a revoked license and attempting to mislead officers about his identity, according to Fox.
They apparently forgot to charge him with criminal stupidity or to offer him treatment for his apparent McDonalds addiction!
NOW WHO CAN ARGUE WITH THAT?
Mark Thomas Wach, 43, of Palm City, Fla., was unclear why he was being taken to jail. Yes, he perhaps got drunk
and shot his lawnmower. Yes, maybe he pulled a shotgun on his son after the 18-year-old wrestled his pistol from him. And yes, it may have taken three shocks from a sheriff’s deputy’s Taser to get him under control and into handcuffs. But “He then stated that he shoots in the yard all the time and that fighting is what redneck people do,” the resulting incident report notes. (RC/Port St. Lucie News)
…Well, taking drunken belligerent ignorant of the law Rednecks to jail is what cops do! Well that and keep the donut population of the world in check.
READY, FIRE, AIM!
A hospital emergency room summoned sheriff’s deputies, as required for all gunshot wound cases. Ethan Bennett, 36, of Monroe,
Ore., admitted his was self-inflicted — but it was an accident. He had been trying to shoot a squirrel, he told deputies, and before he could pull the trigger on his .22 rifle, the animal ran up his leg. Then he pulled the trigger, and shot himself in the foot. The squirrel survived, and Bennett drove himself to the hospital. “The squirrel scared him,” an investigator said. Bennett refused to speak with reporters. (RC/Corvallis Gazette-Times)
…Yeah, pretty much the smartest thing he could do by then is to keep his mouth shut.
THE REAL QUESTION IS, WHO CALLED THE AMBULANCE?
An ambulance crew called police in Newport, Tenn., because of the nature of a man’s injury.
Scott K. Kelly, 38, had allegedly stabbed himself with a meat thermometer, and sure enough, police observed a small hole in his
abdomen. When officers asked Kelly why he did it, he allegedly replied that he wanted to see if he was “done or not.” (RC/Newport Plain Talk)
…No matter what the thermometer said, I think he’s done. Someone stick a fork in him next.
A juvenile court was to decide — on a Cleveland Heights, Ohio, boy’s ninth birthday — whether the boy would go back to his
family, friends, and school. The boy’s crime? He weighs over 200 pounds. Because his mother couldn’t get his weight down, a spokeswoman for the local child services department said, the agency snatched him.
Juvenile public defender Sam Amata said the boy was an honor-roll student who took part in school activities. The boy’s mother said she tried to follow doctors’ recommendations and stop her son from eating food other kids might have supplied. (AC/Cleveland Plain Dealer)
…If you laugh at fears of a mandate to eat Brussels sprouts, just remember: First they came for the fat kids.
Regulators at the European Union were asked to rule on an advertising claim. After three years of investigation, during which
time they consulted 21 experts, they ruled that no, companies cannot make the claim that drinking water can prevent dehydration, and if a company makes such a claim, someone will be risking two years in jail.
The ruling left politicians fuming. “The euro is burning, the EU is falling apart and yet here they are: highly-paid, highly-pensioned
officials worrying about the obvious qualities of water and trying to deny us the right to say what is patently true,” complained MEP Roger Helmer. But the EU wasn’t done: weeks later, they also ruled that
prunes don’t have a laxative effect. (RC/London Telegraph)
…Well no wonder they’re so full of themselves over there!
Air Show Disaster
Amazing photos below show great detail!
The pilot, at low level, had no control over his aircraft.
It narrowly missed a crowd gathered for the air show and slammed into four buildings.
One can only imagine the horror of the occupants inside those buildings.
I’ll bet it scared the shit right out of them!
Powerball tickets to double in price
Single ticket will double to $2 beginning Jan. 15
Author: By Brad Lendon CNN Published On: Jan 02 2012 07:55:50 AM CST Updated On: Jan 03 2012 01:44:22 AM CST
Lottery players, your chance for millions is about to cost you twice as much.
The Multi-State Lottery Association, which administers the Powerball game, says the price of a single ticket will double to $2 beginning January 15.
“After 20 years at the same price and after watching scratch ticket sales take off with $2, $3, $5, $10, $20, and even $50 tickets, we are going to make the big jump,” the association says on its website.
When the price increases, jackpots will start at $40 million, up from $20 million now, and will increase twice as fast, lottery officials say. The average jackpot is predicted to be $255 million, nearly double the current $141 million. The lottery association hopes that will increase sales.
“We know that most folks play for the big jackpots and this game will have more of those more often,” it says on its website.
Officials say the odds of winning the jackpot will decrease slightly as the number of red balls, or powerballs, will decrease from 39 to 35.
They also say the pricier game should produce more millionaires, as second prize — for matching the five white balls without the powerball — increases from $200,000 to $1 million.
Officials say the cost of a single ticket for the MegaMillions game, drawn on Tuesday and Fridays, will remain at $1. Forty states plus the District of Columbia and the U.S. Virgin Islands participate in MegaMillions
The lesson here people, or the point which ever you prefer, is go but NOW for the next 10 drawings on a single ticket it will cost you $10 but you will save a $1 per ticket on those drawings after the 15th and still get the upgraded prizes if you win! Personally I’m going to see if I cannot get the cash together to buy one for the next 104 drawings, that covers an entire year at the old price of the new drawings. Go get yours quick before some dumb politician smartens up to this loophole!
Answers to some of the Eternal Questions:
Why do Women Live Longer than Men?
We’ll pick this back up on Wednesday with my regular issue of Leprechaun Laughs
BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!
Today’s very important PSA comes to us from K-Squared who apparently has a great deal of experience with this particular peril as you’ll see by his comments at the end:
Warning for Older Men!
Clever Scam…warn your friends!!
This is very serious stuff!
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven’t heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the holiday’s get closer. This is a ‘heads up’ for those men who may be regular Lowe’s, Home Depot, or Sam’s Club customers. This one caught me by surprise.
Over the last couple weeks I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping.
Simply going out to get some simple Christmas gifts has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don’t be naive enough to think it couldn’t happen to you or your friends.
Here’s how the scam works:
Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car dressed as Santa’s Helpers as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start helping you pack your stuff into your vehicle. What catches your eye is the very short bright Red Santa helper miniskirts they are wearing and the tight fitting Deep “V” neck red top shirt with their breasts almost falling out. It is impossible not to look.
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say ‘No’ and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds to get some hot cocoa and a snack.
You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen Nov 24th, 26th 28th 29th, 30th, twice on Dec 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, and very likely again this upcoming weekend.
So tell your friends to be careful.!! What a horrible way to take advantage of older men during this holiday season. Warn your friends to be vigilant. These girls will not give up, they have proven it over and over again with me.
K-Squared goes on to advise us from his own experience:
By the way, Target has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at Wal-Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I’ve already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe’s, Home Depot, Sam’s Club, Wal-Mart and Target.
So please, send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.)
The following contains HARD FACTS and IRREFUTABLE LOGIC both of which are known toxins to Democrats, Liberals, Gun Control Proponents, rich New York jackasses named Bloomberg and other rose colored sunglass wearers prone to flights of Neverland fancy.
40 Reasons to Ban Guns
A Liberal Looney Fairy Tale
1, Banning guns works, which is why New York, DC, Detroit & Chicago cops need guns.
2. Washington DC’s low murder rate of 80 per 100,000 is due to strict gun control, and Indianapolis’s high murder rate of 9 per 100,000 is due to the lack of gun control.
3. Statistics showing high murder rates justify gun control but statistics showing increasing murder rates after gun control are “just statistics.”
4. The Brady Bill and the Assault Weapons Ban, both of which went into effect in 1994 are responsible for the decrease in violent crime rates,which have been declining since 1991.
5. We must get rid of guns because a deranged lunatic may go on a shooting spree at any time and anyone who would own a gun out of fear of such a lunatic is paranoid.
6. The more helpless you are the safer you are from criminals.
7. An intruder will be incapacitated by tear gas or oven spray, but if shot with a .357 Magnum will get angry and kill you.
8. A woman raped and strangled is morally superior to a woman with a smoking gun and a dead rapist at her feet.
9. When confronted by violent criminals, you should “put up no defense – give them what they want, or run” (Handgun Control Inc. Chairman Pete Shields, Guns Don’t Die – People Do, 1981, p. 125).
10. The New England Journal of Medicine is filled with expert advice about guns; just like Guns & Ammo has some excellent treatises on heart surgery.
11. One should consult an automotive engineer for safer seat belts, a civil engineer for a better bridge, a surgeon for internal medicine, a computer programmer for hard drive problems, and Sarah Brady for firearms expertise.
12. The 2nd Amendment, ratified in 1787, refers to the National Guard, which was created 130 years later, in 1917.
13. The National Guard, federally funded, with bases on federal land, using federally-owned weapons, vehicles, buildings and uniforms, punishing trespassers under federal law, is a “state” militia.
14. These phrases: “right of the people peaceably to assemble,” “right of the people to be secure in their homes,” “enumerations herein of certain rights shall not be construed to disparage others retained by the people,” and “The powers not delegated herein are reserved to the states respectively, and to the people” all refer to individuals, but “the right of the people to keep and bear arms” refers to the state.
15. “The Constitution is strong and will never change.” But we should ban and seize all guns thereby violating the 2nd, 4th, and 5th Amendments to that Constitution.
16. Rifles and handguns aren’t necessary to national defense! Of course, the army has hundreds of thousands of them.
17. Private citizens shouldn’t have handguns, because they aren’t “military weapons”, but private citizens shouldn’t have “assault rifles”, because they are military weapons.
18. In spite of waiting periods, background checks, fingerprinting, government forms, etc., guns today are too readily available, which is responsible for recent school shootings. In the 1940’s, 1950’s and 1960’s, anyone could buy guns at hardware stores, army surplus stores, gas stations, variety stores, Sears mail order, no waiting, no background check, no fingerprints, no government forms and there were no school shootings.
19. The NRA’s attempt to run a “don’t touch” campaign about kids handling guns is propaganda, but the anti-gun lobby’s attempt to run a “don’t touch” campaign is responsible social activity.
20. Guns are so complex that special training is necessary to use them properly, and so simple to use that they make murder easy.
21. A handgun, with up to 4 controls, is far too complex for the typical adult to learn to use, as opposed to an automobile that only has 20.
22. Women are just as intelligent and capable as men but a woman with a gun is “an accident waiting to happen” and gun makers’ advertisements aimed at women are “preying on their fears.”
23. Ordinary people in the presence of guns turn into slaughtering butchers but revert to normal when the weapon is removed.
24. Guns cause violence, which is why there are so many mass killings at gun shows.
25. A majority of the population supports gun control, just like a majority of the population supported owning slaves.
26. Any self-loading small arm can legitimately be considered to be a “weapon of mass destruction” or an “assault weapon.”
27. Most people can’t be trusted, so we should have laws against guns, which most people will abide by because they can be trusted.
28. The right of Internet pornographers to exist cannot be questioned because it is constitutionally protected by the Bill of Rights, but the use of handguns for self defense is not really protected by the Bill of Rights.
29. Free speech entitles one to own newspapers, transmitters, computers, and typewriters, but self- defense only justifies bare hands.
30. The ACLU is good because it uncompromisingly defends certain parts of the Constitution, and the NRA is bad, because it defends other parts of the Constitution.
31. Charlton Heston, a movie actor as president of the NRA was a cheap lunatic who should be ignored, but Michael Douglas, a movie actor as a representative of Handgun Control, Inc. is an ambassador for peace who is entitled to an audience at the UN arms control summit.
32. Police operate with backup within groups, which is why they need larger capacity pistol magazines than do “civilians” who must face criminals alone and therefore need less ammunition.
33. We should ban “Saturday Night Specials” and other inexpensive guns because it’s not fair that poor people have access to guns too.
34. Police officers have some special Jedi-like mastery over handguns that private citizens can never hope to obtain.
35. Private citizens don’t need a gun for self-protection because the police are there to protect them even though the Supreme Court says the police are not responsible for their protection.
36. Citizens don’t need to carry a gun for personal protection but police chiefs, who are desk-bound administrators who work in a building filled with cops, need a gun.
37. “Assault weapons” have no purpose other than to kill large numbers of people. The police need assault weapons. You do not.
38. When Microsoft pressures its distributors to give Microsoft preferential promotion, that’s bad; but when the Federal government pressures cities to buy guns only from Smith & Wesson, that’s good.
39. Trigger locks do not interfere with the ability to use a gun for defensive purposes, which is why you see police officers with one on their duty weapon.
40. Handgun Control, Inc., says they want to “keep guns out of the wrong hands.” Guess what? You have the wrong hands.
Guess I need to change that to read “Subjects Sheeple & Liberals”!