Dragon Laffs #1254 Merry Christmas Issue


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Adult ContentMerry Christmas Campers!
I’ve thought a lot about how I wanted this issue to go. 
I’ve thought of throwing rants on the commercialization of Christmas and how anyone who walks into a mall from Thanksgiving through about early January will have no problem at all completely losing the Christmas Spirit.
Maybe we should talk about the impossibility of the birth of Jesus actually taking place on December 25th and how scientists and scholars are more in agreement with an IRS deadline time frame.
I really wanted to talk about the religious aspects of Christmas and quote to you from Luke chapter 2, but I realized my dear friend Linus Van Pelt quoted it so eloquently:charliebrownandlinus

“Fear not: for behold, I bring unto you good tidings of great joy, which shall be for all people.  For unto you is born this day in the City of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord”

There is no longer ANY reason to be afraid.  Here is wonderful news that will make us overwhelmingly happy!  A Savior has been given to us!  All our sorrows He will take from us, all the joys and happiness He will share with us.  And at Christmas, we celebrate his birth!

So, spread the word.  Share your love, your happiness;
Share your laughter and smiles! 
For one day, let us take hands and help each other, give to one another!

So yeah, I guess that’s the theme of today’s Christmas issue.  No rants.  No raves.  Just smiles and laughter.  Thankful to be alive and to be one of God’s children.  May you all feel the love from family and friends and especially your fellow campers here at Dragon Laffs.  And may the warm embrace of God’s Blessings be with you all.

Merry Christmas, from your friends family at Dragon and Leprechaun Laffs!

So now …

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So, before I forget, when you get a chance, go to google.com and type “Let It Snow” and then wait for it…

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Let’s start out with a GREAT Flash Mop from the Carlson School of Management:

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It was Christmas and everyone seemed to he having a great time, but Father O’Rourke was not. He suddenly said to Father Kelly ‘You know what. I’m fed up with all this good behavior and clean living. Why don’t go out and have good old sinful night out. We could drink, go with loose women and do whatever takes our fancy.’ Are you mad?’ replied Father Kelly ‘This is a small town. Everyone knows who we are.’ ‘I don’t mean we should do it here.’ said his colleague. ‘We could dress like everyone else and take the train to the city’
After much persuasion Father Kelly agreed to do so and off they went that night and partied until morning. They arrived home very much the worse for wear and it was then that the enormity of what they had done began to dawn on Father Kelly. ‘Oh my God. We’re going to have to confess our misdemeanor.’ ‘Don’t worry.’ replied Father O’Rourke ‘I’ve already thought about this. You get changed and go into the confessional and I’ll tell you all about my misdeeds and you can absolve me. Then, I’ll do the same for you.’
So, a short while later Father O’Rourke went to the church and entered the confessional. ‘Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I went out with a friend to celebrate Christmas last night and got drunk, had sexual relations with women, danced to wicked music and used foul language.’ Father Kelly replied ‘God is patient and forgiving and so am I. Do five Our Fathers, five Hail Marys and your sins will be forgiven.’

A short while later their positions were reversed and Father Kelly confessed everything in great detail. ‘This is an outrage.’ exclaimed Father O’Rourke. ‘What kind of priest are you? Do five hundred Our Fathers, Five hundred Hail Marys, donate all you income for the next three months to the church, go right round the church on your knees fifty times, asking God’s forgiveness as you do so. Then come back to me and maybe I’ll consider absolution.’ ‘What?’ said the astonished Father Kelly ‘What about our agreement?’ Father O’Rourke replied ‘What I do with my time off is one thing, but I take my job very seriously.’

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12 days of Christmas

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We here at Dragon Laffs Enterprises have always had a soft spot in our hearts for the efforts of the men and women of service.  I think that’s probably pretty obvious if you’ve read more than two of our issues.  There’s a good reason for that.  Because both myself and the Leprechaun have worn Olive Drab, we know the problems and stresses associated with the military.  Throw in Christmas time and, believe it or not, it makes it worse.  Think of the family members who are having to put Christmas off for a few weeks because Daddy or Mommy is deployed and will be returning AFTER the holidays.  Or the families that are celebrating Christmas early because loved ones are leaving either directly before or directly after the holidays.  How much fun do you think Christmas is on Sunday, when the whole family knows that Daddy (or Mommy) is climbing on a plane on Wednesday?  Having been there myself, many times, it’s helpful to know that you are not forgotten. 
So, take a second, today, tomorrow, or maybe even Monday, and get in contact with a Vet.  Tell them that their present or past service to our great country is important to you.  That during the holidays they are NOT forgotten, pushed to the side, or outright ignored.
To ALL the members of our military family, past or present, I give you my thanks for your service.  Thank you for putting your ass on the line between my family and I and the evil horde around the world anxious to take our freedoms away from us.

So now, how about a couple of military type Christmas clips… 

Get the hankies out…this is really GREAT!  Thanks to the Leprechaun for pointing the way:

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We would not have been forgiven for not including this one… “A Soldier’s Silent Night”

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The president of the Festive Foods Corporation was included in a papal audience and he took the opportunity of making a business proposition to the Pope; that if he could arrange for the Lord’s Prayer to be changed from “Give us this day our daily bread” to “Give us this day our daily turkey” throughout the whole of Advent and Christmas. In exchange the Festive Foods Corporation would give £20 million to Catholic charities. The Pope declined his offer. A few weeks later the man called the Pope and upped the offer to £50 million; but once again it was turned down. A few weeks before the beginning of Advent the man came back to the Pope with an astonishing offer of £100 million. The Pope considered all the good works that could be done with such a large amount of money and decided to go ahead. The next day he called a special meeting of the Cardinals to let them know about the situation. “Well” said the Pope. “I have good news and bad news. The good news is that we are to receive £100 million. The bad news is that we have lost the Wonderloaf account.”

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Dancing Santa

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A few days before Christmas, two young brothers were spending the night at their grandparent’s house. When it was time to go to bed, and anxious to do the right thing, they both knelt down to say their prayers.

Suddenly, the younger one began to do so in a very loud voice. “Dear Lord, please ask Santa Claus to bring me a play-station, a mountain-bike and a telescope.”

His older brother leaned over and nudged his brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.” “I know” he replied, “But Grandma is!”

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Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. This happens when you combine a headstrong two-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent.
Sarah’s parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and doesn’t like it when children fight. This had little impact.
“I’ll just have to tell Santa about your misbehavior,” the mother said as she picked up the phone and dialed. Sarah’s eyes grew big as her mother asked “Mrs. Claus” (really Sarah’s aunt; Santa’s real line was busy) if she could put Santa on the line. Sarah’s mouth dropped open as Mom described to Santa (Sarah’s uncle) how the two-year-old was acting. But, when Mom said that Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone.
Santa, in a deepened voice, explained to her how there would be no presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now on.
Sarah, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa’s remarks and silently hung the phone up when he was done. After a long moment, Mom (holding in her chuckles at being so clever) asked, “What did Santa say to you, dear?”
In almost a whisper, Sarah sadly but matter-of-factly stated, “Santa said he won’t be bringing toys to my sister this year.”

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Christmas Hints

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As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?”
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: “Didn’t you get my E-mail?

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Dancing Tree

Santa Stats:

There are currently 78 people named S. Claus living in the U.S. — and one Kriss Kringle.  (You gotta wonder about that one kid’s parents)
December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
Weight of Santa’s sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.
Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh: 214,206 — plus Rudolph.
Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With real beard: $20.
To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times the speed of sound.
At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame instantaneously.

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In a small Southern town there was a “Nativity Scene” that showed1 (1) great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me. The three wise men were wearing firemen’s helmets. Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
At a “Quick Stop” on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, yelling at me, “You damn Yankees never do read the Bible!” I assured her that I did, but simply couldn’t recall anything about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in my face she said 

“See, it says right here, ‘The three wise man came from afar.'”

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And Finally, for the Scrooge in all of us…

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The History of Christmas…this is from … okay, not just from, but stolen outright from www.historyofchristmas.net .  I’m sure Santa will forgive me for this small theft…
he wont?…
Oh Jeez!  I’m in trouble AGAIN with Santa!  I’ve really held on and been a good dragon, right up until the end…
okay, so I’m being told that being good for the last 12 hours doesn’t count as holding on and being a good dragon.
Man…these rules are so tough to follow sometimes.
Anyway, here’s a short history of Christmas from the History of Christmas Website.

There are very few people in the world today who do not know what the Christmas holiday is all about.  Christmas, as we know it today, is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ, which happened over 2000 years ago.  The word “Christmas” translates to “Mass Of Christ”.   However, we can all be sure that the celebration of the Christmas holiday did not start right away.  So how did the actual celebration of the Christmas holiday begin? 

Believe it or not, many of the traditions that we observe during the Christmas holiday season began way before the birth of Christ.  Exchanging gifts, decorating trees, and the burning of the Yule log were all winter traditions that began before Christ was born, but were eventually incorporated into the holiday that became known as Christmas, and became part of Christmas history.  

Over 4000 years ago, the Mesopotamians celebrated each new year with a 12-day festival, called Zagmuth.  The Mesopotamians, who believed in many gods, held this festival in support of their chief god, Marduk, because they believed that he battled the monsters of chaos at the beginning of each winter.  It is from this festival that the 12 days of Christmas is believed to have originated.

The ancient Romans held a celebration each year in honor of their god Saturn.  The festival, which they called Saturnalia, began in the middle of December and lasted until the first of January.  The Romans decorated their homes with garlands, as well as trees upon which they hung candles.  During the festival the citizens of Rome would visit each other’s homes and hold great feasts.  One of the theories of how the tradition of the giving of Christmas gifts came about was from the Roman practice of exchanging gifts between family and neighbors during the festival of Saturnalia to promote good luck. 

During the winter in ancient Scandinavia there would be a certain amount of days where the sun would not shine.  Upon the return of the first sunlight, the Scandinavians would hold a festival called the Yuletide.  A Yule log would be burned in a special fire, and everyone would gather around the fire and hold a great feast.  To remind themselves that the spring and summer would surely return again, people in some areas of Scandinavia would tie apples to tree branches.  The tradition of the Christmas tree is believed to have evolved from this ritual, as well as from the Roman ritual of decorating trees with candles during the festival of Saturnalia.  Some believe that the tradition of singing carols began when people in Scandinavia would sing celebration songs on the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year, which happened around December 22nd.

One theory about the evolution of the winter celebrations to the celebration of the birth of Jesus is that the Roman emperor Constantine, who converted to Christianity, wanted to incorporate the pagan winter rituals together with the celebration of Jesus’ birth.  In this way, Constantine hoped to help both pagans and Christians celebrate together.  Many believe that this is the reason for celebrating the birth of Christ on December 25th.  It is widely believed today that Jesus was not actually born on, or even close to, December 25th.  Eventually, the Roman church became almost completely successful in making the December celebration only about the birth of Christ, replacing any celebrations that were in honor of pagan gods.

Though the celebration of Christmas is basically based on the same belief today, it is not celebrated in exactly the same way in every country.  In Great Britain, one tradition they observe during the Christmas season is “Boxing Day”.  On Boxing Day, the boxes containing alms for the poor are opened at every church and the alms are distributed to the poor.  An alternate theory to the origin of carols is that they originated in Great Britain and not Scandinavia.  Whether or not this is true, many of the Christmas songs that we sing and Christmas music that we hear today were written in 19th century England. 

Christians in China celebrate Christmas by decorating their homes and trees with paper lanterns, paper flowers, and paper chains.  Christians in Iran refrain from eating any animal products from December 1st until after Christmas church services on December 25th, after which they have a traditional feast of chicken stew.  In Venezuela, Christians attend daily morning church services between December 16th and December 24th.  In the capital city of Caracas, it is customary to roller skate to these services.  People in Northern Brazil celebrate Christmas with a traditional play called “Los Pastores”, or “The Shepherds”.  In the Brazilian version of this play, the shepherds are always women, and there is a scene where a gypsy attempts to kidnap the Christ child.

It is believed that British painter John Callcott Horsley designed the first Christmas card in 1843.  Horsley designed the card for his friend Sir Henry Cole, who was the first director of the Victoria and Albert museum.  The card showed a family celebrating Christmas, and read “A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to You”.  The tradition caught on quickly in England, and it was not long before the first Christmas cards began showing up in the United States and other countries as well. 

One cannot talk about the history of Christmas without mentioning Santa Claus.  Bishop Nicholas of Smyrna, who lived in the 4th century A.D. in what is known today as Turkey, was a very wealthy and generous man, who especially loved children.  He was known to throw gifts into the houses of poor children in order to brighten their spirits. He was later titled Saint Nicholas, and became the patron saint of children and seafarers.  From his story evolved the legend of Santa Claus – the jolly man who brings gifts to children all over the world on Christmas Eve.  In England he came to be known as Father Christmas, in China he is known as Dun Che Lao Ren, which means “Christmas Old Man”.  Many believe that the giving of gifts originates from the deeds of Bishop Nicholas, and not the Roman tradition of giving gifts during the festival of Saturnalia.  More likely, the tradition evolved from both practices.

Wow, you think that’s interesting?  You should hear about the history of candy canes!  Medieval torture devices!

It’s true!  I saw it on line!  I swear I did!

My friends, may you all find the blessings and the happiness that you crave and deserve.  May you take this Holy Spirit with you through out the holidays and clear through the next year.  

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1254 Merry Christmas Issue

  1. Dan in NYC says:

    And the Angel said to them: Fear not; for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy, that shall be to all the people; for this day is born to you a Savior, Who is Christ the Lord, in the city of David. And this shall be a sign unto you: You shall find the infant wrapped in swaddling clothes, and laid in a manger. And suddenly there was with the Angel a multitude of the heavenly army, praising God, and saying: Glory to God in the highest and on earth, peace to men of good will.

    Again, thank you for all you give us – that spark of joy and mirth that keeps us sane(r) all year long.

    My very best wishes and prayers for a HEALTHY, happy and prosperous 2012 to the whole Dragon & L.L. Laffs family

  2. Ginny says:

    Wishing you, Mrs. Dragon and the Dragonettes a very Merry Christmas and a New Year filled with happiness. Thanks for laughs all year long. Also the same wishes for Lethal and his Irish Clan.

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