Welcome to another LeprechaunLaffs and another oh so non-glorious Wednesday. The only thing it has going for it this week is it’s a four day week so this is actually only the second work day of the week instead of the third. Of course I don’t know how it is with the place you work but the jerk I have for a boss is making me work four ten hour long days to make up for Monday. Oh, did I mention I’m self employed?
Damn! Them sunburns still look painful! Some of you are sporting killer sets of “sunglass eyes” too. Ya look like a bunch or reversed red raccoons!
We keep it up the moisturizer and the cool water with white vinegar compresses on the really bad areas. Also ease off on the caffeine and increase the old H20 intake for a few days
I decided to hold off a week on Warrior Wednesday since we already got our patriotic pride on with the 4th of July and all this week already. I get you guts too amped up on that stuff you’re liable to go all Rambo on me and storm Washington or something.
LETS LAUGH IT UP!
A little old lady is walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rip, and every once in a while a $20 would fall out onto the sidewalk..
Noticing this, a policeman stops her and says, ‘Ma’am, there are $20 bills falling out of your bag.
”Oh really? Darn,’ says the little old lady. ‘I’d better go back and see if I can find them.. Thanks for telling me.’
‘Well now, not so fast,’ says the policeman. ‘How did you get all that money? You didn’t steal it, did you?
”Oh no,’ says the little old lady. ‘You see, my back yard is right next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So I stand behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his thingy through the fence, I grab it and say, $20 or off it comes!’
‘OK, that seems only fair,’ laughs the cop. ‘So good luck to you… Oh, by the way, what’s in the other bag?
”Well, you know,’ says the little old lady, ‘not everybody pays!’
The Google Guitar Song
Because groaners come in all forms!
Some Myths About Sunburns Debunked
Some of you really looked like you could use this advice.
1. Have you wondered if you can get sunburn or tan through a window? A window acts like a sunscreen. It does not block all the UV radiation but it does block the most dangerous wavelengths of UV radiation. Glass absorbs short wavelength ultraviolet light, but it does pass 350 to 400 nanometer ultraviolets. While this longer wavelength ultraviolet is less harmful than the shorter wavelength variety, you can still tan or burn if you get enough exposure. You will burn much more quickly when driving with the windows down and exposed to the sun as compared to driving with the windows up and exposed to the sun.
2. It is erroneously thought that a tan is healthy and protects you from sunburn. In actuality, a tan results from the body defending itself against further damage from UV radiation. A tan does somewhat protect the body from the sun, BUT a tan over white skin acts only as about an SPF 4 sunscreen. A tan may look beautiful, but that does not mean the skin is healthier than non-tanned skin. Sunburns greatly increase the risk of skin cancer, wrinkles, freckled skin and leathery skin later in life. The use of tanning beds and laying out in the sun results is long term damage to the skin if done for several years (especially fair-skinned people).
3. It is an incorrect notion to think that if the skin feels cool it will not sunburn as quickly. Although a cool breeze, swimming, or cooler temperatures will make the skin feel more comfortable, it is getting the same dose of UVV radiation as when the wind is light and temperatures are hot. Some people make the mistake of staying out in the sun longer since they don’t feel hot. Then they go inside and realize they overexposed themselves.
4. Another myth is thinking that taking breaks while sunbathing reduces the chance for sunburn. In actuality, sunburning exposure is cumulative during the day.
5. You may have heard this: “you can get a sunburn just as quickly on a cloudy day as compared to a sunny day”. In many cases this is completely false. On an overcast day, especially an overcast rainy day, the amount of UV reaching the surface is significantly reduced. Any overcast conditions will reduce UV radiation reaching the surface. With this said, partly cloudy conditions do NOT reduce the sunburn risk much. Some people make the mistake of staying outside longer when there is cloud cover. This increased time can make up for the fact there is less UV radiation reaching the surface. This mistake is worst on a partly cloudy day.
6. It is sometimes erroneously thought that water is a sunblock. Shallow water offers minimal protection from UV, and reflections from water can enhance the UV exposure also.
7. Sunblock is not a perfect protection from the sun. It is easy to miss spots on the skin when putting on sunblock. The sunblock does not protect the eyes. Some people make the mistake of staying out in the sun much longer when they have the sunblock on. Given enough time, the skin will burn even with sunblock on. This is especially true if sweat and swimming wear off the sunblock effects.
The man tells his doctor that his wife hasn’t wanted to have sex
with him for the past 7 months. The physician tells the man to
bring his wife in so he can talk to her.
When the wife comes to office, the doctor asks her why doesn’t
she want to have sex with her husband any more.
“For the last 7 months,” the wife replies, “every morning I take
a cab to work. I don’t make much money and my husband doesn’t
give more than bus fare, so the cab driver always asks me, ‘So
are you going to pay today or what?’ I always give him an ‘or
what’. That makes me late for work. I’m late, so the boss asks
me, ‘So are we going to dock your salary, or what?’ That’s
another ‘or what.’ On the way home, I take the cab and again I
don’t have any money so the cab driver asks me, ‘So are you going
to pay this time or what?’ And, again, I do an ‘or what’.
So you see, Doctor, when I get home I’m all tired out and I don’t
want sex any more.”
The doctor thinks for a second. “So,” he says, “are we going to
tell your husband or what?”
At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school.
“Is she in Paine or Hacking?” the school secretary asked.
“She feels fine,” said the confused mom. “We have company and I’m keeping her home.”
A beautiful fairy appeared one day to a destitute Mexican refugee outside an Arizona immigration office.
“Good man,” the fairy said, “I’ve been sent here by President Obama and told to grant you three wishes, since you just arrived in the United States with your wife and eight children.”
The man told the fairy, “Well, where I come from we don’t have good teeth, so I want new teeth, maybe a lot of gold in them.”
The fairy looked at the man’s almost toothless grin and — PING !– he had a brand new shining set of gold teeth in his mouth!
“What else?” asked the fairy, “Two more to go.”
The refugee claimant now got bolder. “I need a big house with a three-car garage in Annapolis on the water with eight bedrooms for my family and the rest of my relatives who still live in my country.. I want to bring them all over here” — and — PING !– in the distance there could be seen a beautiful mansion with a three-car garage, a long driveway,and a walkout patio with a BBQ in an upscale neighborhood overlooking the bay.
“One more wish,” said the fairy, waving her wand.
“Yes, one more wish. I want to be like an American with American clothes instead of these torn clothes, and a baseball cap instead of this sombrero. And I want to have white skin like Americans” —and — PING ! — The man was transformed – wearing worn-out jeans, a Baltimore Orioles T-shirt, and a baseball cap. He had his bad teeth back and the mansion had disappeared from the horizon.
“What happened to my new teeth?” he wailed. “Where is my new house?”
THIS IS GOOD . . . . . . . . NO, ACTUALLY THIS IS VERY GOOD . . . . . .
The fairy said, “Tough shit, Amigo, now that you are a white American, you have to fend for yourself.”
Today’s response comes from…ME! OK so actually its more in the form of an update than a response r rebuttal but I don’t have a graphic for that just yet and no time at the moment to make one so I am making due.
The subject of the update is the issue I brought to your attention in Monday’s Last Word regarding local veterans and volunteer groups accusing the Department of Veterans Affairs officials of censoring religious speech — including the word “God” — at Houston National Cemetery.
Well apparently I was not alone in my outrage over this, a lot of local vets, church officials and just plain patriotic American folk were angered enough to stage an impromptu demonstration at the Houston National Cemetery on the 4th of July.
Houstonians take a stand for God
Hundreds protest over reports of censorship at ceremonies in Houston National Cemetery
By LINDSAY WISE Copyright 2011, HOUSTON CHRONICLE July 4, 2011, 9:25PM
Hundreds of flag-waving demonstrators converged on Houston National Cemetery on Independence Day to protest reports of religious censorship at burial services there.
“We felt it was one of the best ways we could have spent this time of the Fourth of July,” said Marine veteran Steve Cranston, a 58-year-old pastor from Houston who attended the protest with his wife, Judy, 66. “We feel like it’s our duty.”
“And I believe the ones who are already buried here would be right with us,” his wife said.
The Houston Area Pastor Council planned Monday’s protest in support of a federal lawsuit filed by the nonprofit Liberty Institute on behalf of American Legion Post 586, Veterans of Foreign Wars District 4, and National Memorial Ladies, a volunteer group that attends burials at the cemetery.
The suit accuses U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs officials and Houston National Cemetery director Arleen Ocasio of banning members of these groups from invoking the names of “God” or “Jesus” at burials, and forbidding the recitation of religious messages unless the deceased’s family submits the text to her for approval.
Ocasio has not responded to requests for comment. Other VA officials, however, say the names of God and Jesus are not only allowed during interments, they are freely spoken at national cemeteries across the country.
“We cherish the religious freedoms our Veterans secured for us,” Steve Muro, VA’s Under Secretary for Memorial Affairs, said in a statement published online Friday. “At all VA national cemeteries, families are free to choose and use the burial rites and rituals that are meaningful or sacred to them. … Families are equally free to have a service without religious references.”
Bikers, vets and moms
Such reassurances did little to assuage the anger of protesters clad in red, white and blue who rallied Monday in the Hemicycle, a large, circular memorial at the heart of the cemetery. Bikers in leather jackets stood shoulder-to-shoulder with women in tea party T-shirts, and veterans in combat fatigues. They sang God Bless America, waved Bibles and flags over their heads, shouted God bless yous and prayed.
“Thank God Ocasio and Obama don’t write the Constitution,” read one woman’s sign. “Just wish they would READ it!!!”
“Take back America!” read another sign.
The crowd booed every mention of Ocasio’s name as they listened to preachers and lawmakers deliver speeches from a generator-powered public address system.
“The director of this cemetery, since she got here about a year ago, has engaged in systematic oppression of religious speech on this ground,” said Dave Welch, executive director of the Houston Area Pastor Council.
Welch said the strong turnout demonstrates to veterans’ groups and volunteers who attend burials at the cemetery that they’re not alone.
“They’re not going to fight this battle by themselves,” he said. “We’re here to tell them that you are not, on our watch, going to tell them that they can’t invoke the names of God or Jesus Christ.”
Paul Bettencourt, former Harris County Tax Assessor-Collector, led a chant calling for Ocasio’s resignation. He urged the crowd to shout loud enough to reach the ears of Eric Shinseki, Secretary of Veterans Affairs, in Washington D.C.
‘We want a new director!’ protesters shouted.
“What is it if you can’t say the word God at a national cemetery?” Bettencourt asked.
“Tyranny!” the crowd roared.
U.S. Rep. Pete Olson, R-Sugar Land, told protesters he was furious.
“I apologize,” Olson said. “Outraged is the only word I can think of to say because as a Navy veteran, all sorts of words are coming to my mind right now.”
The congressman was among several lawmakers who spoke at the protest Monday, including U.S. Rep. Ted Poe, R-Humble, state Rep. Allen Fletcher, R-Tomball, state Rep. Debbie Riddle, R-Tomball, and Harris County Clerk Stan Stanart.
After the protest, Vietnam veteran Jim German recuperated from the blazing heat in a patch of shade at the edge of the Hemicycle.
“I have a lot of friends who are buried out here, and who paid the ultimate price,” said the 63-year-old retired Continental pilot. “To have the director of this facility try to censor religious speech, to censor the name of God, is a slap in the face to not only every American who believes in God, but it’s a slap in the face to every veteran who fought for our freedom.”
I was rather dismayed that so few of you were moved by this issue enough to even leave a comment in support of my stand or expressing your outrage over such an affront. This may seem like a local issue to you but I assure you its not, your veterans are being systematically disrespected and slapped in the face by the VA on a daily basis all over the USA.
I’m glad to see that now I may have just been out front of the pack a little howling for blood and that maybe the ground swell of opposition to this travesty has started.
Flash Mob at Cape Cod Stop and Shop
At 5pm on July 1st, 2011 in Orleans, Cape Cod, MA, shoppers stocking
up for the 4th of July got a surprise shot of patriotism to start their
This flash mob was organized by http://www.SpiritofAmericaband.org to wish everyone a happy 4th of July!
A woman went to a Wal-Mart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a
refund for the toaster she bought because it won’t work The clerk told her
that he couldn’t give her a refund because she bought it on special. *
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,
‘PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES !’
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks,’Ma’am what’s wrong ?’*
She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he
can’t give her a refund because she bought it on special. *
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,
‘PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES !’
Which begins to draw an even bigger crowd !
In shock, the store manager pleads,
”Ma’am , why are you saying that ?’
In a huff , the woman says ,
‘BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I’M BEING SCREWED !’
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded !
Did you ever wonder how old some of your favorite cartoon characters were? Well, here are their real ages. They may surprise you. Our third and final installment in the series.
A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the
wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, ‘I warned you to be careful! Now we’ll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive
is going to cost us.’
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A voice with a warm lilting brogue said, ‘Come on in.’
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was
all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side
near the pieces of window glass.
A man reclining on the couch asked, ‘Are you the people that broke my
‘Uh…yeah! , sir. We’re sure sorry about that,’ the husband replied.
‘Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you.. You see,
I’m a Leprechaun, and I’ve been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you’ve released me, I’m allowed to grant three wishes. I’ll
give you each one wish, but if you don’t mind, I’ll keep the last one
for my self.’
Wow, that’s great!’ the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, ‘I’d like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.’
‘No problem,’ said the Leprechaun ‘You’ve got it, it’s the least I can do.
And I’ll guarantee you a long, healthy life!’
‘And now you, young lady, what do you want?’ the Leprechaun asked.
‘I’d like to own a gorgeous home in every country in the world complete
with servants,’ she said.
‘Consider it done,’ the Leprechaun said. ‘And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!’
And now,’ the couple asked in unison, ‘what’s your wish, Leprechaun?’
‘Well, since I’ve been trapped in that bottle, and haven’t been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
The husband looked at his wife and said, ‘Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?’
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, ‘You know, you’re right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn’t mind, but what about
You know I love you sweetheart,’ said the husband. I’d do the same for you!’
So the Leprechaun and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other. The Leprechaun was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the Leprechaun rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your
‘Why, we’re both 35,’ she responded breathlessly.
‘No Kidding,’ he said. ‘Thirty-five years old and you both still believe in Leprechauns?’
And THAT is the TRUE story of how I met Impish Dragon and his wife.
Impish sort of stole some of my thunder for today’s PSA with is piece from the Electronic Freedom Foundation on your search and seizure rights. I was planning on covering those rights along with your more conventional rights if stopped in your vehicle, on the street or they come to your house for any reason. Since Impish has taken the easy part I’ll finish the job.
I’ll let the following pictures do most of the talking for me.
Here is a link to the above card in Pdf format for you to print out, cut out and carry with you. http://ssdp.org/assets/files/resources/promotional/Know%20Your%20Rights%20Wallet%20Card.pdf
Now here is some more excellent advice from an expert source. This time on what to and more importantly what not to say to cops and why you should never agree to speak with police without legal council present. I will admit this is a bit lengthy but I would strongly advise watching it fully and paying close attention. You could potentially save yourself some nasty experiences and very large legal bills.
Don’t Talk to Police
An law school professor and former criminal defense attorney tells you why you should never agree to be interviewed by the police.
The true meaning of “I’ve got you by the balls”
CONFUCIUS DIDN’T SAY BUT IMPISH DRAGON DID!
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Better to be pissed off than pissed on.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up womans’ leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS NO SAY. . .
A lion will not cheat on his wife, but Tiger Wood
We do not have just a guest author of a Last Word today folks, we have a self professed “Guest Ranter”. Take it away Tom, the floor is all yours!
What prompts people to rant about things? Some just like to bitch, as the professional protesters. We all have our own reasons for what we do. I do it to possibly educate, or inform and yes, to blow some steam before the overpressure plug erupts.
I was listening to some discussion about what is the greatest threat to America and heard several answers. The main concern was the economy although there were others. Fears range from terrorism to global warming.
I disagree. The most serious threat to America and the world is Barack Hussein Obama and his administration. Anyone who has a military background, or knows about it, also knows that we are obligated to fight all enemies, foreign and domestic. We have a domestic enemy destroying our country from within. Obama hates this country and what it stands for. Billions of dollars are given to nations that support and breed terrorism. Obama is not creating jobs, but destroying jobs with taxes and regulations that force business out of the country, or out of business.
Obama says we cannot drill for oil in the Gulf of Mexico, yet he encourages Brazil to do so and promises that the United States will be their best customer.
Obama says that our friendship with Israel cannot be broken. Really? Why is Israel on his list of countries that sponsor terrorism? I.C.E. Treats Israel the same as Iran, Syria, Somalia and other terrorist sponsored countries. Is that how he shows friendship? He treats what allies we have like a bunch of pigs and then bows down to communist dictators who want to kill us.
Since Obama took office, there have been no new prisoners brought to Guantanamo Bay. Captured enemies have been either killed, or released. I don’t think that is because the prison is full.
Guns, ammo, drugs and illegal immigrants flowing across the Mexican border causing murder and chaos on both sides and the laws are ignored, or not enforced. Explain that to the families of the thousands of murder victims.
More restrictions and objections to American rights are surfacing every day. Veterans told that they can’t use the words God, Jesus, or peace in their ceremonies is wrong. Citizens taken to court for displaying the American Flag is ludicrous. The omission of God in our National Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance is no accident. NO ONE is that stupid.
Watch out for the media! They tell us that all the things the government does is good for us. They want to tell us when to get up and when to go to bed, how much salt or sugar to eat. What car to buy and how to do almost everything. They tell us what light bulbs to use or we will be fined. It’s a small start to us losing everything, one piece at a time. It’s almost too late and maybe it is.
Now 3.2 million teachers will be giving to the Obama campaign. Not a choice, but a requirement by the union. Is that fair, or legal? No, but the law and constitution means very little, or nothing to Barack Hussein Obama. He even said, “I’m the President. I can do what I want.”
I was asked if I had any suggestions. Start with a trash can for Obama Care before it leaves 72 million American workers without health care. Zero capital gain tax would bring overseas jobs back where they want to be. Stop the EPA regulations that are killing business and jobs. End the expansion of big government and give it back to the people. Stop aid to countries who hate us. Bring back our troops and put 50,000 of them on the Mexican border to enforce it and another 50,000 to remove the illegal immigrants.
Obama is not an idiot. Those who voted for him are and those who continue to support him will get what they deserve. For the rest of us, we need to educate and show the truth.
George Washington did not have wooden teeth, Benjamin Franklin was not a President and Barack Hussein Obama did not kill Osama bin laden. Stop the political correct bullshit and tell people how you feel and get the backbone to stand up for what is right!