Dragon Laffs #1219


Dragon Laffs 28
Good Morning Campers!
Rise and Shine!
I know we were all out late last night, watching fireworks, eating burgers and dogs from the grill and drinking a cold beverage, but it’s Tuesday…time to get up and get back to work.  Go grab yourself a cup of coffee from the chuck wagon, grab a seat around the fire and relax a little before you have to actually get moving.

Wasn’t yesterday’s 4th of July, Independence Day, America’s Birthday issue super?  LL put an awful lot of effort into it and it sure showed.  Very nicely done my friend.

Well, let’s get this party started….or this agony, whichever is more appropriate this morning.  Probably a little of each if you’re like me.

Let’s Laugh!

Independence Day Myths Debunked…thanks to K²

4Thomas Jefferson (left), Benjamin Franklin, and John Adams draft the Declaration of Independence in 1776.  (Illustration courtesy of Jean Leon Gerome Ferris, Library of Congress)

Many time-honored patriotic tales turn out to be more fiction than fact. In anticipation of the Fourth of July, here’s a look at some memorable myths from the birth of the United States.

1. The Declaration of Independence Was Signed on July 4

Independence Day is celebrated two days too late. The Second Continental Congress voted for a Declaration of Independence on July 2, prompting John Adams to write his wife, “I am apt to believe that [July 2, 1776], will be celebrated, by succeeding Generations, as the great anniversary Festival.”

Adams correctly foresaw shows, games, sports, buns, bells, and bonfires—but he got the date wrong. The written document wasn’t edited and approved until the Fourth of July, and that was the date printers affixed to “broadside” announcements sent out across the land. July 2 was soon forgotten.

In fact, no one actually signed the Declaration of Independence at any time during July 1776. Signing began on August 2, with John Hancock’s famously bold scribble, and wasn’t completed until late November.

2. Paul Revere Rode Solo

Patriot Paul Revere really did hit the road on the night of April 18, 1775, to alert the countryside that British troops were on the move. But the image of an inspired, lone rider isn’t accurate. Revere was part of a low-tech—but highly effective—early-warning system.

The system did include lanterns at Boston’s Old North Church, from whose steeple the church sexton, Robert Newman, held two lanterns as a signal that the British were coming. However Revere wasn’t watching for them that night.

Revere and fellow rider William Dawes, who was sent by a different route, successfully reached Lexington, Massachusetts, to warn Samuel Adams and John Hancock that they’d likely be arrested. But Revere and Dawes were captured by the British with third rider Samuel Prescott soon afterward.

The liberties later taken with the Revere legend weren’t mistakes but deliberate mythmaking by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, who intended his famous 19th-century poem to stoke patriotism on the eve of the Civil War. The ride’s real story is told at Paul Revere House, the Boston museum where Revere once lived and from which he left on that fateful night.

3. July 4, 1776, Party Cracked the Liberty Bell

U.S. Independence surely prompted a party, but joyful patriots didn’t ring the Liberty Bell until it cracked on July 4, 1776. In fact the State House Bell likely didn’t ring at all that day. It probably did ring, along with the city’s other bells, to herald the first public readings of the Declaration of Independence on July 8, according to a history of the bell published by the Pennsylvania Historical & Museum Commission

As for that crack, well, the bell had been poorly cast and cracked soon after its arrival in 1752. The bell was subsequently recast, and re-cracked, several times but was intact during the Revolutionary War.

Today’s iconic crack actually appeared sometime during the 19th century, though the exact date is in dispute. It was also during this period that the bell became popularly known as the Liberty Bell—a term coined by abolitionists.

4. Patriots Flocked to Fight for Freedom

This enduring image is accurate—when describing the beginning of the Revolutionary War. But as it became clear that the struggle for independence would be long and difficult, the enthusiasm of many American men for fighting began to wane, while their concerns for the well-being of their farms and other livelihoods grew.

After initial enlistment rushes, many colonies resorted to cash incentives as early as 1776 and states were drafting men by the end of 1778, according to historian John Ferling in a 2004 Smithsonian magazine article.

5. The Declaration of Independence Holds Secret Messages

Some revolutionary myths are of modern origin. There’s no invisible message or map on the back of the Declaration of Independence, as depicted in the film National Treasure. But the National Archives admits there is something written on the back of the priceless document.

A line on the bottom of the parchment reads “Original Declaration of Independence dated 4th July 1776.” Why? The large document would have been rolled for travel and storage during the 18th century, so the reverse-side writing likely acted as a label to identify the document while it was rolled up.

6. John Adams Died Thinking of Thomas Jefferson

Incredibly both John Adams and Thomas Jefferson did die on the Fourth of July, but there’s no real evidence to suggest that Adams’s final thoughts were with Jefferson or that he uttered “Jefferson survives” on his deathbed.

Even if he had, he’d have been wrong, as Jefferson beat him in death by several hours. The day does seem inauspicious for presidents, however. The less celebrated James Monroe also died on July 4, in 1831.

7. America United Against the British

The Revolutionary War also pitted Americans against Americans in large numbers. Perhaps 15 to 20 percent of all Americans were loyalists who supported the crown, according to the U.K. National Army Museum. Many others tried to stay out of the fight altogether.

Records from the period are sketchy at best, but an estimated 50,000 Americans served as British soldiers or militia at one time or another during the conflict, a significant force pitted against a Continental Army that may have included a hundred thousand regular soldiers over the course of the war.

8. Betsy Ross Made the First American Flag

There is no proof that Betsy Ross played any part in designing or sewing the American flag that made its debut in 1777. In fact, the story of the famous seamstress didn’t circulate until it was raised by her grandson nearly a century after the fact, and the only evidence is testimony to this family tradition.

To be fair, there’s also no conclusive evidence that Ross didn’t sew the flag, and there are several reasons why she just might have done so. The Betsy Ross House on Philadelphia’s Arch Street (where Ross may or may not have actually lived) tells the whole tale and leaves visitors to draw their own conclusions.

9. Native Americans Sided With the British

“(He) has endeavored to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages, whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes, and conditions.”

The Declaration of Independence made this claim against King George III, and many Native Americans did eventually fight with the British. But many others sided with people in the colonies or simply tried to stay out of the European conflict altogether, according to Dartmouth College historian Colin Galloway, author of The American Revolution in Indian Country: Crisis and Diversity in Native American Communities.

Most New England Indians supported the Continentals, and the powerful Iroquois Confederacy was split by the conflict. Native “redcoats” fought not for love of King George but in hopes of saving their own homelands—which they thought would to be the spoils of the War for Independence.

Those who allied themselves with the British saw their lands lost in the Peace of Paris treaty, but Native Americans who supported Americans fared little better in the long run.


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An Irishman walking along the beach found a bottle lying in the sand. He picked it up, brushed it off, and out popped a genie. “Since you have freed me from this bottle, I will grant you three wishes.”
The Irishman thought a moment and said, “I’m feeling a might thirsty. I think I’ll wish for a pint of stout.” And poof! there was a pint of stout in his hand.
He drank it down and started to toss the bottle away, when the genie said, “Look at that bottle before you throw it away.” He did and watched as it magically refilled itself with stout. “That’s a magic bottle. It will refill itself whenever you empty it. So what are your other wishes?”
The Irishman grinned. “I’ll be taking two more of these!”

**And here’s the rest of the story…the Irishman was actually Lethal Leprechaun and before you start thinking of how silly it was for him to ask for two more “never emptying” pint glasses be assured that in the space of the few seconds it took him to ask for them, he had already figured out how to open two separate Pubs with discounted (very slightly) Stout based solely on the uses of these glasses.  He’d make a fortune….another fortune.

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Thanks to Molly for sending this one and she’s right when she says: “This guy is more than a little nuts! Awesome!!”

Although a lot of the advice in the next panel seems self-evident, is it just me or does the whole thing feel just a tad paranoid to you?
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NEW MOBILE iPHONE- A must Buy

This new Apple I5 cell phone will be on sale soon.

They’re not  exactly sure of the date but it will be later this year.

I put  my name on the list, and you may want to do the same.

Unfortunately, the sales rep said I was the 9,587,693rd person to request this phone.

Don’t know what it will cost, but I’m sure it will be worth it.

Here’s a short demonstration so you can check it out for yourself:

 

 

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1_thumb5_thumbI had this picture planned for today before I saw that Lethal had used it yesterday.  As I sit here contemplating replacing it I decided that it is such a GREAT pix that I am going to leave it here and to make up for it being a duplicate, run an additional Fantasy Pix below it. 
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Here’s a new play on an old joke:

A woman (married three times) walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

‘Of course, madam,’ replied the sales clerk, ‘exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?’

The bride-to-be said: ‘A long frilly white dress with a veil.’

The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, ‘Please don’t take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time—for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?’

‘Well,’ replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness, ‘I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo enroute to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.’

‘What about your third husband?’ asked the sales clerk.

‘That one was a Democrat.’ said the woman, ‘Every night for four years he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.’

And another play on the same joke:

A middle aged man and woman fall in love, and decide to get married. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite and the bride says to her new groom, “Please be gentle… I am still a virgin.”

The startled groom says “How can that be? You’ve been married twice…” 

The bride responds… “Well you see it was this way:  My first husband, he was a psychiatrist, and all he ever wanted to do was talk about sex. Catching her breath, she says “My second husband was a stamp collector, and all he ever wanted to do was…………. Oh God, I miss him!”‘

 

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There is now conclusive evidence that Osama Bin Laden is DEAD.
Last week he registered to vote in Chicago !

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Rev

police

Playing

Norwegian lottery

Ole and Sven were waiting at the bus stop when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.

Ole said, “I’m gonna do dat when I win da lottery.”

“What’s dat, den?” asks Sven.

“Send my lawn away to be mowed

 

write to us

 

What an amazingly funny prank.  “Dude, watch my car!”
http://www.wimp.com/disappearingprank/

 

488

Thanks to dear Ariel for these fantastic Grand Parents jokes.

Grandparents
1.   She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d done many times before.
After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said,
“But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!”  I will
probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing
the toilet paper good-bye….

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.
He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 62.   My grandson was quiet
for a moment, and then he asked,  “Did you start at 1?”

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old
slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard
the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room,
putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left the room, she
heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own
childhood was like.  “We used to skate outside on a pond.   I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.
We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”
The little girl was wide-eyed,  taking this all in.
At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

5.  My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you
know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said,
“No, how are we alike?”  “You’re both old,” he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word
processor. She told him she was writing a story.
“What’s it about?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” she replied.. “I can’t read.”

7.  I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I
decided to test her.  I would point out  something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct.  It was fun for me, so I continued.  At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors  yourself!”

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin,  we kept the
lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.   Still, a few fireflies followed us in.  Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not
sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised  “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother,
“Grandma, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today.”  The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said. “How do you make babies?”
“It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.”

11. Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a
teacher.  The small boy wrote:  “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.”   The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked.
“Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means carrying a child.”

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day
when a fire truck zoomed past.  Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children started discussing the dog’s duties.
“They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child.
“No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.”
A third child brought the argument to a close.”They use the dogs,” she
said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived.  “Oh,” he said, “she
lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her.  Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth!  He teaches me good  things, but
I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over,  you  hear gas leaks
and they blame their dog.

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Walk With Me …. Well Worth The Read..

A BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE ABOUT GROWING OLDER:

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Dammit…
I forgot the words.

 

If Celebrity Tweet Were Honest
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What a Fantastic Story….

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The Old Country Boy’s:

DID YA KNOW OR DO YA CARE ?

Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.
Ninety percent of the world’s ice covers Antarctica
.
This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the
world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica
is essentially a desert;
the average  yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered
with ice (all but 0.4% of it, ice.), Antarctica is  the driest place on the planet,
with an absolute humidity  lower than the Gobi desert.

How Google Helps Drunks …. get more drunk!:
6bb

 

“You and your husband don’t seem to have an awful lot in common,” said the new tenant’s neighbor.  “Why on earth did you get married?”
 
“I suppose it was the old business of ”opposites attract”,
was the reply.  “He wasn’t pregnant and I was.”

489

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Today’s Last Word is purely comical and no matter what side of the aisle you prefer to sit on, you have to admit that these are funny:

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One Response to Dragon Laffs #1219

  1. toni says:

    What a great speaker in Brig. Gen. Ritchie and what a fabulous story. Thanks so much for sharing; I will be ‘resharing’ in my posts.
    Hugs,
    Toni

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