Good Morning Campers! What a great issue Lethal Published yesterday. Whenever I read something and I find that I’m saying, “Hell yeah!” or “I wish I’d written that.” I know that I’ve enjoyed the writer’s voice. Very nice job my friend.
(Now, will you remove the damn wires from under my carpet, I can’t get anything done, it keeps shorting out my computer!)
I had to “borrow” the picture to the left….it’s just too perfect not to run again. The funny thing is, and Lethal and I run into this all the time, I had this picture set up and ready to use today anyway. It’s funny how often we get the same things ready at the same time….GMTA!
Today’s excuse to party: Crew of the HMS Bounty mutinied (1789) “Why did they mutiny?” you may ask. Well, I may answer that one of the reasons was that the captain cut off the crew’s rum! So, lift a glass, mug or bottle of your favorite beverage and remember The Bounty!
We don’t need an excuse to laugh. We have plenty of reason right here. So what do you say we get this party started?
Okay, so this one is bound to offend at least a couple of people. Good on ya Jeannie!
Mrs. Yetta Rosenberg gets off the plane in Miami and, being tired from the flight, goes to the first hotel she sees in order to get a room. She walks up to the desk and tells the clerk, “I’m Mrs. Yetta Rosenboig, and I desire a room for the night.”
The clerk looks disdainfully at her and coldly says, “I’m sorry, madam, but our hotel is completely booked.” Just then, a man with his suitcase in hand, drops his key and a check at the desk, and heads for the door. “Oy, vot luck, says Mrs. Rosenberg. “I can take ‘his’ room.”
“I’m sorry, madam,” says the clerk, “but I thought you understood my meaning. To be blunt, we do not cater to Jews.”
“Jews?” exclaims Mrs. Rosenberg. “So, who’s a Jew? I’m a Cat’lic.”
In obvious disblief, the clerk asks her, “If you’re a Catholic, then answer this question: Who is the Son of God?”
“Dot’s easy,” says Mrs. Rosenberg, “Jesus Christ.”
The clerk, still not convinced, then asks, “Who was Jesus’ mother and father?”
“Mary and Joseph,” replies Mrs. Rosenberg, testily.
Then the clerk asks, “And where was Jesus born?”
“In a manger in a barn,” answers Mrs. Rosenberg, becoming agitated.
“And why was Jesus born in a manger in a barn?” asks the clerk.
“Cause a shmuck like you vouldn’t rent a room to Jews!”
A group of women were talking together. One woman said, “Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday.”
Another said, “That’s nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven.”
A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, “It’s so bad in our church now on Sundays that when the minister says ‘dearly beloved,’ it makes me blush.”
“They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a native American, that number is more like 300 million.” -David Letterman
Distilled Logic: If you believe in creation as espoused in the Bible, then Adam and Eve’s children would actually have had to have sex with one another for the earth to have become populated.
This could be used as proof that Alabama was at one time the Garden of Eden.
The site is behind in clicks. As a group, let’s try and click every day to help women get mammograms who would otherwise not be able to get them. This link is in every issue of Dragon Laffs. It’s easy and takes such little effort to help. File this under the category of “The Least We Can Do.” Please. It only takes a minute.
A great golden oldie:
A man buys a lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. So he decides to try it out at dinner. Dad asks his son, “Where were you today during school?”
The son says, “At school.” The Robot slaps son. “Ok, I went to the movies. “
Dad says, “Which one? “
The son says, “Toy Story.” Robot slaps son again. “Ok, it was A Day with a Porn Star.
“Dad says, “WHAT?! When I was your age, I didn’t even know what porn was.” Robot slaps dad.
Mom says, “HAHA!! After all he is your son.” Robot slaps mom.
Just so there is full disclosure, this is Lethal’s cat. This cat can step dance, river dance and reel. How is this amazing feat accomplished? I’m not exactly sure, but from what I understand it involves a room with wooden racks, splints, whips and rewards of Irish whiskey and sexual favors for those who perform well. But this is just rumor, of course.
This was sent to me and at first I was disbelieving and then I started thinking about it and I realized that I had seen exactly everything that this send describes. What do you think?
10 THINGS TO LEARN FROM JAPAN
1. THE CALM
Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.
2. THE DIGNITY
Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.
3. THE ABILITY
The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.
4. THE GRACE
People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.
5. THE ORDER
No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.
6. THE SACRIFICE
Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid?
7. THE TENDERNESS
Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.
8. THE TRAINING
The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.
9. THE MEDIA
They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage.
10. THE CONSCIENCE
When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.
Thanks to Lynn for this hilarious piece on how mothers and daughters talk about sex…..
Way way Tooooo funny!!!
Performance reviews are easy to read and understand when you have the proper dictionary to translate the terms…
Job Performance Review Terms
Not too bright.
EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED:
Made no major blunders – yet.
Drinks a lot.
FAMILY IS ACTIVE SOCIALLY:
Spouse drinks, too.
CHARACTER ABOVE REPROACH:
Still one step ahead of the cops.
Offers plausible excuses for mistakes.
Won’t make a decision.
TAKES PRIDE IN WORK:
PLANS FOR ADVANCEMENT:
Buys drinks for all the boys in the office at happy hour.
USES LOGIC ON DIFFICULT JOBS:
Gets someone else to do it.
A KEEN ANALYST:
EXPRESS THEMSELVES WELL:
METICULOUS ATTENTION TO DETAIL:
A nit picker.
HAS LEADERSHIP QUALITIES:
Is tall or has a loud voice.
EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JUDGMENT:
KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR:
Knows a lot of dirty jokes.
COMING ALONG WELL:
About to be let go.
OF GREAT VALUE TO THE ORGANIZATION:
Gets to work on time.
Sleeps at desk.
EXPERIENCED PROBLEM SOLVER:
Screws up often.
WORK IS FIRST PRIORITY:
Too ugly to get a date.
Nobody knows what he/she does all day.
GREAT PRESENTATION SKILLS:
Able to BS well.
GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Spends lots of time on phone.
Can’t get a job anywhere else.
9/11 First Responders To Be Run Through FBI Terrorism Watch List Before Getting Health Care Benefits (click on the headline to go to the full article)
A couple of key points in the article before I make my point…
Okay, now here’s my point….This jack-ass Sterns, who never met a bill he couldn’t put a rider on, says that it merely requires these heroes names to be checked against a list. That sounds fine on the face of it, but why these people? Why aren’t people who receive medicaid, medicare, social security, food stamps, unemployment, credit cards, student loans, tuition assistance, welfare, car loans, boat loans, home loans, gun permits, explosive permits…. need I go on? Why are we choosing, 9/11 First Responders, the men and women who stayed in some of the worst possible response situations, for days and days upon days, who are now suffering from cancer and a gazzillion other ailments, why are THESE PEOPLE chosen to have to be made to wait for their chemo while THEIR names are checked against a terrorist watch list (not to even mention the fact that it is TEN YEARS AFTER THE FACT!!!) while so many others don’t have to? Let’s see….who’s more likely to be on the terrorist watch list, a New York City Fireman, a Washington D.C. cop, a New Jersey EMT or ……. well hell, ANYBODY ELSE???!!!
Hey ACLU! Where the hell are you guys? One of two things need to happen real friggin’ fast. Either these people get this requirement to be checked against the FBI TWL taken away or every person who gets any kind of government assistance in ANY manner, needs to be checked the EXACT SAME WAY!
Personally, I don’t have a problem having everyone checked against the list…and while we’re at it, let’s check and see if they’re legal American’s at the same time. And, if you are applying for assistance, how about you pee in this bottle, too?
What is wrong with this country that we can let a Jack Wagon like Sterns, make us question the loyalty of our first responders? I would’ve had a hell of a lot more respect for the man, and the program, if they said, “okay, we want to do this for all government assistance, and this is where we are going to start.” But the way it stands now, it’s a slap in the face to all of them, AND to all of us.