Good Morning Campers!
Today is Tuesday, from the English word two meaning…um…two. Right or the second crappiest day of the week. (Monday maintaining it’s first place distinction with a record unbroken in several hundred years.) There is some argument that the English translation is actually the way to go, since the Viking’s came to America first, many
years before that Columbus dude and they held out that Tuesday was a special day for drinking special ale. It’s true. Where do you think the Tuborg Gold company got it’s name from? Tu = Tuesday and borg = beer. And when looked at another way, it means that Captain Picard and crew were being harassed by being that was not only a mixture of man and machine, but were alcoholics as well!
Okay, so I’ve now done my level best (which, granted, isn’t the greatest, but it is only Tuesday, after all) to completely screw with your mind this morning and since we’re all a bunch of screwballs anyway, it would seem that my job is done here! So, let’s all take our marshmallows and our morning coffee and get to laughing!
Let’s Laugh!
Answers we have been looking for…. as guys, of course!
What are the small bumps around a woman’s breast for?
It’s braille for “suck here”.
What is an “Australian Kiss”?
It’s the same as a “French Kiss”, but “down-under”!
Why do girls rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
Because they don’t have any balls to scratch.
What is a man’s ultimate embarrassment?
Running into a wall with an erection and breaking his nose.
![1_thumb1_thumb[1]](https://dragonlaffs.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/1_thumb1_thumb11.gif "1_thumb1_thumb[1]")
Lewis & Clark air rifle
Interesting engineering in the 18th century.
O.K. how many of you very knowledgeable folks out there even knew that a rifle like this even existed, especially back then? Seriously, I would like to know, because I sure didn’t. A must watch.
This is an interesting bit of information. Would like to get one now, but I believe it would cost too much.
The phrase “Peace through Strength” is shown here!!
http://www.network54.com/Forum/451309/thread/1296928404/This+is+just+to+cool+not+to+spread+around
Nominated as the world’s best short joke….
A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
”Mom”, he asked, “are these my brains?”
”Not yet,” she replied
Blue Angel fans? Aren’t we all?
http://www.neptunuslex.com/2010/12/10/good-day-at-the-patch/
Look deeply into my eyes……
You’re getting sleepy….sleepy….
Now, you will go to the kitchen and open tuna fish cans….
Lots and Lots of tuna fish cans!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=qvl7kG82EfI&vq=medium
Take one minute….just one click, every day, helps more than you can imagine!
At first I said, “Naaahhh! Not interested.”
Then they said to me “Come on, it’s for handicapped and blind kids.”
Then I thought…
Shit, I could win this thing
The Five Toughest Questions for Men:
The 5 toughest questions for men are:
1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly ( i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.
Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: “I’m sorry if I’ve been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you.”
(Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, “If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!”)
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Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: “YES!” or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, “Yes, dear.”
Inappropriate responses include:
a. Oh Yeah, loads.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?
————————————-
Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: “Of course not!”
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn’t call you fat, but you’re not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I’ve seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
—————————————————————–
Question # 4: Do you think she’s prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is always: “Of course not!”
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality.
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner.
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age.
d. Define pretty..
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.
——————————————————————
Question# 5: What would you do if I died?
This is the all-time, no-win question. There is no good answer. No matter how you answer, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
Woman: Would you get married again?
Man: Definitely not!
Woman: Why not? Don’t you like being married?
Man: Of course I do.
Woman: Then why wouldn’t you remarry?
Man: Okay, I’d get married again.
Woman: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face)
Man: Yes, I would.
Woman: (After a long pause) Would you sleep with her in our bed?
Man: Where else would we sleep?
Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?
Man: She can’t use them; she’s left-handed.
(The real answer, of course, is “Buy a Corvette.”)
Now, I’ve heard this next one several times, but this is the first time I’ve seen an actual company name associated with it. So, what does that mean? That it’s true this time? Probably not. Just means someone took the time to try to add a little reality to an obvious “Old Tale.”
If you’ve ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!
And speaking of oldies…
The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson , died and went to heaven.
At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. ‘Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.’
Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, ‘ I want to hang out with God.’
St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.
God recognized Arthur and commented, ‘Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?
‘Arthur said, ‘Yeah, that’s me…’
God commented: ‘Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t run without a road?’
Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke, ‘Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?’
God said, ‘Ah, yes.’
‘Well,’ said Arthur, ‘professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention !
1 There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!
‘Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there,’ replied God, ‘hold on.’
God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.
The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.
‘Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed,’ God said to Arthur, ‘but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours’.
I was living in the mountains above Denver when my college buddy, Gary, arrived in his ancient Maserati sports car. He had just driven it from Ohio, and as he pulled into my driveway, the car broke down.
Calls to auto-supply houses and garages in search of replacement parts proved futile. The 1962 model was simply too rare. Responses ranged from “Mas-a-what?” to “You’ve got to be kidding.” One guy just laughed.
I was at the end of the listings in the Yellow Pages when I dialed Victor’s Garage. “Vic,” I said, “you’re my last hope. Do you carry any parts for a 1962 Maserati?”
There was a long pause. Finally, Victor cleared his throat. “Yes,” he replied. “Oil.”
Way cool optical illusion advertisement. A GREAT way to advertise a printer.
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/cool-optical-illusion-commercial-samsung/
It’s simply called, “It’s a trap!” Brothers, can I hear a “No kidding!” This dumb ass deserves everything he gets!
And people wonder why I don’t have a facebook account…..
And this car was advertised with “Fully Electric Windows”…that’s why I bought it!
Dragon Laffs 