Dragon Laffs #1167


Two days in a row of doctor’s appointments and I’m really ready to go back to work today.  I know, that sounds so…un-American, but you haven’t been in my shoes for two days.  Be that as it may, I’m really ready to go back.
Thanks again to all who’ve contributed to our 2011 campaign.  For those of you who’re still interested in helping us out with bandwidth, overhead, food costs, drug and drug paraphernalia, pizza and Nacho chips, and all the other items it requires to run a successful e-zine, you can still click the icon down below to contribute to our great e-zine.  You’d be amazed by our monthly electron bill alone!  Send your loose change, quarters found in the couch, dollars found tucked in the pockets of winter coats. 

Anyway, if you want to help you can, if you don’t want to, you don’t have to…the same great jokes, stories and articles are going to continue to appear in our publication.  Now, let’s get on with the laughter!

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And behind the curtain, we present to you……..TA DA!  The car of the future!  It’s here. http://www.flixxy.com/gm-hy-wire-concept-car.htm Hydrogen Fuel Cell, drive by wire technology. No gasoline, no battery, no exhaust and there is already one built right now!  The price tag is a bit high at the moment at $8,000,000+ or £5,000,000 and you’ll have to wait 10 to 15 years (or more) for mass production, but it is here!   1_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu[1]DragonPapa1 (96)

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If you don’t get the “Make Use Of…” e-zines or e-mails, you should check them out.

3 Awesome Historical Google Maps Mashups

Have you ever wondered how your favorite place used to look like 50 or 100 years ago? Would you like to refresh your childhood memories and find out what your native town looked like when you were a kid? Here are three Google Map projects that turn back the clock…..Click here to keep reading or : http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/3-awesome-historical-google-maps-mashups/

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Geeky fun!

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Folks, this was done in 1986….to some of you that was ancient history, but to most of us, it wasn’t that long ago…25 years ago…..Are you hearing me?  This was only 25 years ago!  We’ve made that much progress in less than a quarter of a century!  Unbelievable!
http://www.makeuseof.com/tech-fun/1986-cell-phone/
See that

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Scared yet?

Public Service 1
One of the places we, at Dragon Laffs, draw our material from is a group called “Make Use Of”.  They are an outstanding organization based in England who are both funny and helpful.  Kind of like us without the ranting and soapboxes.  Anyway, one of the things they do VERY well is publish helpful books.  I’ve read several and have gotten something useful out of each and every one, so here is their latest, sent to us in email format….you get the same way we got it.

Hey Everyone,

MakeUseOf just published another excellent guide. Make Use Of it and share it!DOWNLOAD Windows On Speed: A Free PC Tune Up Guide http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/download-windows-speed-free-pc-tune-guide/

There’s no question that Windows slows down over time. Don’t fear though, because you can speed it up. The Windows On Speed, includes all the information you need to speed up your slow PC!
– Why Windows slows down over time
– How to separate your data and operating systems with partitioning
– The importance of defragmenting your hard drive
– Free software for speeding up your PC
– The perils and overpromise of registry cleaners
– Easy steps you can take to speed up your PC

DOWNLOAD Windows On Speed: A Free PC Tune Up Guide

http://www.makeuseof.com/tag/download-windows-speed-free-pc-tune-guide/

Like all MakeUseOf manuals, the “Windows On Speed” is completely free. Please share it with your friends on Facebook and Twitter. We need your help.
Enjoy!

MakeUseOf Limited
105 Collingwood Road
Colchester, C03 9BB
Essex / UK

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A very old joke, but one of my favorites!

At a computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared The computer industry with the auto industry and stated: “If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon.”
In response to Bill’s comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: if GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they painted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to re-install the engine.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
11. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car’s performance to diminish by 50 percent or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.
12. Every time GM introduced a new model, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You’d press the “start” button to shut off the engine.

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Well? 

This is WAY COOL!  I Want One!
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=cuIJRsAuCHQ 
Wow

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No kidding!  Thank Goodness for Global Warming!

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This Japanese Beer commercials is incredible, detailed w/fantasia. Seriously, this Japanese beer ad is like watching an adventure movie.

CLICK BELOW TO VIEW-TURN UP SOUND

YouTube – Sapporo Beer Commercial – Legendary Biru

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Here’s another oldie, but goodie:

The children began to identify the lifesaver flavors by their color:
Red…………………..Cherry
Yellow………………Lemon
Green………………….Lime
Orange ……………Orange
Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None of the children could identify the taste. The teacher said, ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may sometimes call your father.’
One little girl looked up in horror, spat her lifesaver out and yelled, ‘Oh my God! They’re ass-holes’!
The teacher had to leave the room!

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This one is really, really bad!  Please be very careful in the handling of this joke!

There’s these two French Legionnaires in the desert, and they’ve been separated fromWarning their unit and are lost. They’ve been wandering for several days without food and water, and are nearly resigned to the fact that they warning2will soon die from dehydration, when as they reach the top of a sand dune, they see a big, bustling market laid out before them.
Naturally, they can’t believe their eyes and think it’s a mirage, but as they draw closer, they can hear the stall holders’ cries, and they eventually reach the market and realised that it’s really there.
So the legionnaires rush up to the first stall they can and cry to the stall holder, “Stall holder, we have been travelling in the desert for many days, and have had no food or water. We shall surely die soon unless you have some you can sell us. Tell us, do you have any sustenance for us?”
The stall holder shook his head and replied “I’m sorry, french legionnaire type people, but all I have to sell is a load of bowls full of jelly,topped with custard and cream, and lovingly sprinkled with hundreds and thousands of pieces of fruit and cake.”
The legionnaires look at each other, mildly surprised, and move on to the next stall, where they ask the stall holder, “Mr purveyor of fine foodstuffs and the like, we have been travelling through the desert for days, deprived of the necessary beverages and foodstuffs which are required for survival. We shall surely die soon, unless you can sell us some skins of water.”
The stall holder looked at them embarrassed, and confessed “Gentlemen, tragic as I admit it is, I have none of the ingredients necessary to life for which you ask me. All I have to sell is this large bowl of jelly topped with custard and cream and sprinkled with hundreds andWarning3 thousands of pieces of fruit and cake, with a little cocktail cherry in the middle at the top, there,” he said, pointing out the glace cherry.  “I cannot help you.”
The legionnaires look at each other in desperation, and run on to the next stall, where they demand of the stall holder, “Look, mate,” (cuz they’d stopped talking funny all of a sudden) “we need water or we’ll die. We’ve been travelling without water for days and need some now. Do you have any you can sell us?”
The stall holder looked at his curl-ended shoes in shame as he confessed, “Sorry, fellas, all I have to sell you is a bowl of jelly, with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands of pieces of fruit and cake. I can’t help you. I’ll have to condemn you to a long and lingering death through dehydration.”
The legionnaires were really worried by this point, and they went through the market, stall by stall, asking each stall holder whether they had any water they could sell them, and thus save their lives, but each stall holder gave the same reply, all they had to sell was a bowl of jelly with cream, custard and hundreds and thousands of
pieces of fruit and cake.
Dejected and resigned to their grim fate, the legionnaires left the desert market and walked off into the setting sun.
As they did so, one turned to the other and said, “That was really odd, a big market in the middle of nowhere, and all they sold was bowls of jelly with custard, cream and hundreds and thousands of pieces of fruit and cake.”
The other turned to face his companion and replied, “Yes, it was a trifle bazaar.”

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Glasses

 

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Okay, here’s one for debate that I think will be quite interesting in hearing from all you guys on your thoughts on this…um…unusual topic.  Thanks to Stephanie for starting this one off:

Microwaved Water – See What It Does To Plants


Below is a science fair project. In it she took filtered water

and divided it into two parts. The first part she heated to

boiling in a pan on the stove, and the second part she heated

to boiling in a microwave. Then after cooling she used the

water  to water two identical plants to see if there would be

any difference in the growth between the normal boiled water

and the water boiled in a microwave. She was thinking that

the structure or energy of the water may be compromised by

microwave. As it turned out, even she was amazed at the

difference.

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I have  known for years that the problem with microwaved

anything is not the radiation people used to worry about, It’s

how it corrupts the DNA in the food so the body can not

recognize it. So the body wraps it in fat cells to protect itself

from the dead food or it eliminates it fast. Think of all the

Mothers heating up milk in these “Safe” appliances. What

about the nurse in Canada that warmed up blood for a

transfusion patient and accidentally killed them when the

blood went in dead. But the makers say it’s safe. Never mind

then, keep using them. Ask your Doctor I am sure they will

say it’s safe too. Proof is in the pictures of living plants dying.

Remember You are also Living. Take Care.
 
 
FORENSIC RESEARCH DOCUMENT

Prepared By: William P. Kopp
A. R. E. C.. Research Operations
TO61-7R10/10- 77F05
RELEASE PRIORITY: CLASS I ROO1a
Ten Reasons to  Throw out your Microwave Oven
 
From the conclusions of the Swiss, Russian and German scientific clinical studies, we can no longer ignore the microwave oven sitting in our kitchens. Based on this research, we will conclude this article with the following:
 
 
1). Continually eating food processed from a microwave oven

causes long term – permanent – brain damage by “shorting

out” electrical impulses in the brain [de-polarizing or 

de-magnetizing the brain tissue].


2). The human body cannot metabolize [break down] the

unknown by-products created in microwaved food..


3). Male and female hormone production is shut down

and/or altered by continually eating microwaved foods.


4). The effects of microwaved food by-products are residual

[long term, permanent] within the human body.


5). Minerals, vitamins, and nutrients of all microwaved food

is reduced or altered so that the human body gets little or no

benefit, or the human body absorbs altered compounds that

cannot be broken down.


6). The minerals in vegetables are altered into cancerous free

radicals when cooked in microwave ovens.


7). Microwaved foods cause stomach and intestinal cancerous

growths [tumors]. This may explain the rapidly increased

rate of colon cancer in America ..


8). The prolonged eating of microwaved foods causes

cancerous cells to increase in human blood.

9). Continual ingestion of microwaved food causes immune

system deficiencies through lymph gland and blood serum

alterations.


10). Eating microwaved food causes loss of memory,

concentration, emotional instability, and a decrease of

intelligence.


 
Have you tossed out your microwave oven yet? 

After you throw out your microwave you can use a toaster oven as a replacement. It works well for most and is nearly as quick.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1167

  1. Audie says:

    In the “You ain’t doing it right” section, the soldier on the sandbag couch, pic #997, is doing it too right. With 2 tours of Iraq myself, I will say that you have to make due with what you have. And on some of the remote FOBs, that ain’t much. My kudos to the soldiers who did that. It probably relieved some boredom too.

    • impishdragon says:

      AMEN Brother! I agree 100%. For the “you ain’t doin’ it right” aspect, we could say that due to the fact that he is a military service member that he should have a nice soft, plush couch to sit on not the hard old sandbags that he used. But I truly do applaud his ingenuity and probably the fun that he (and his mates?) used to get this picture. Thanks for the comments, Audie. Deeply appreciated.

  2. Betty aka Dreamweaver says:

    Re: Microwave used to water plants article … False

    http://www.snopes.com/science/microwave/plants.asp

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