Dragon Laffs #1147


Good Morning Campers!876

  We’ve been getting some truly wonderful comments from you, our loyal and marvelous campers.  (Any of you old enough to remember the old Saturday Night Live skit with Billy Crystal, “Marvelous!  Simple Marvelous!”) Anyway… Thanks for all the great words of encouragement and some of the stories you’ve shared about your own struggles.  Both with FMS and other problems.

We’ve just realized that, for those of you who only know Dragon Laffs through this blog site, you’ve no real way of contacting us for anything other than with the comments section.  Those of you campers who’ve been around for awhile probably have numerous addresses for myself and Lethal, and you are welcome to continue to use them, but for any submissions to the ezine, please use this address:

dragonlaffs-owner@yahoogroups.com

This address goes to both of us.  You can put our names in the subject line if the email goes more towards one of us than the other.

And for now, that’s it!  Have a truly wonderful day and now…

1

Very, very, very funny!

The Christmas Story Told By Children

http://video.aol.com/video/kids-get-christmas-story-all-wrong/2347578138?a_dgi=aolshare_email

1_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu

DragonPapa1 (81)

360 degree HD view of the “Enola Gay” cockpit

Use the arrow button and the minus button for a better view 

THE ENOLA GAY IS THE B-29 THAT DROPPED THE FIRST ATOMIC BOMB ON HIROSHIMA JAPAN IT IS IN THE SMITHSONIAN MUSEUM 

http://www.davidpalermo.com/data/slideshow/4/index.html

877

John McCain was opposed to repealing “don’t ask, don’t tell,” though he admitted that he probably served with gay soldiers during the Civil War.

1_thumb3_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu

310

2b
Coke Christmas 2010 – Mind Heist

 

878

My wife is driving me crazy with the nagging!
I came back from the store with the list she gave me and now she’s all over my case because I forgot ONE little kid.
-Travis Ruetenik

1_thumb5_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu

a48

a49

2

So, now Jeannie is getting into the act!

A man sitting in a movie theater notices that there
is a big ole grizzly bear sitting next to him. Finally he
turns to the bear and says,

“Pardon me for asking, but aren’t you a bear?”

The bear nods; then the man says,

“So… tell me, what are you doing at the movies?”

The bear replies. . .

“Well, I liked the book.”

 

879

Three good ole boys died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

‘In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’

The cowboy from  Texas fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It represents a candle’, he said.

‘You may pass through the pearly gates’ Saint Peter said.

The logger from  Minnesota reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re bells.’

Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’.

The old  Kentucky boy started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those symbolize?’

The old  Kentucky boy replied, ‘These are Carols.

120_bcs-jelly32222222

Impish Dragon appeared on the TV program, Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and toward the end of the program had already won $500,000.  “You’ve done well so far,” said the host, “but for a million dollars, you’ve got one life-line left, phone a friend.  Everything’s riding on this question.  Will you go for it?”

“Sure,” said Impish.  “I’ll have a go!”

“Which one of the following birds does NOT build it’s own nest?  Is it a) The sparrow, b) The Thrush, c) A magpie or is it d) The Cuckoo?”

“I haven’t got a clue,” said Impish.  Being a dragon, we don’t build the same kinds of nests as birds, if you know what I mean.  So, I’ll have to use my last life-line and phone a friend.”

“And who’s your friend?” asked the host.

“Why, it’s my best friend.  The Lethal Leprechaun.” says Impish.

So, Impish Dragon calls his friend The Lethal Leprechaun and repeated the question to him.

“Fookin’ hell, you brain-dead dragon!” cried Lethal.  “Dat’s so simple.  It’s the cuckoo.”

“Are you sure, you daft Leprechaun?”

“Course I’m fookin’ sure!”

Impish hangs up the phone and says, “I’ll go with Cuckoo as my answer.”

“Is that your final answer?”

“It is.”

There was a very long pause and the presenter screamed, “Cuckoo is the correct answer!  Impish, you’ve won one million dollars!”

The next night the two friends were at Lethal’s favorite pub where our favorite dragon was buying his friend a pint.

“Tell me, LL?  How in heaven’s name did you know it was the Cuckoo that doesn’t build it’s own nest?”

“You’re so dense!  Everybody knows that Cuckoo’s live in a fookin’ clock!”

Donate32222222

A Realistic (somewhat) Rendition of the Twelve Days of Christmas:

December 14, 2010
Dearest Dave,
I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn’t have been more surprised or pleased darling!
With truly the deepest love,
Agnes
December 15, 2010
Dearest Dave,
Today the postman brought me yet another of your sweet gifts. The two turtle doves that arrived today are adorable, and I’m delighted by your thoughtful and generous ways.
With all of my love,
Your Agnes
December 16, 2010
Dearest Dave,
You’ve truly been too kind! I must protest; I don’t deserve such generosity. The thought of getting three French hens amazes me. Yet, I am not surprised–what more should I expect from such a nice person.
Love,
Agnes
December 17, 2010
Dear Dave,
Four calling birds arrived in the mail today. They are truly nice but don’t you think that enough is enough? You are being too romantic.
Affectionately,
Agnes
December 18, 2010
Dearest darling Dave,
It was a surprise to get five golden rings! I now have one for every finger. You truly are impossible darling, yet oh how I love it! Quite frankly, all of those squawking birds from the previous days were starting to get on my nerves. Yet, you managed to come through with a beautiful valuable gift!
All my love,
Agnes
December 19, 2010
Dear Dave,
When I opened my door, there were actually six geese a-laying on my front steps. So you’re back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are dear, but where will I keep them? The neighbors are complaining, and I am unable to sleep with all the racket. Please stop dear.
Cordially,
Agnes
December 20, 2010
Dave,
What is with you and those stupid birds!? Seven swans a-swimming!! What kind of sick joke is this!!?? There are bird droppings everywhere! They never shut up, and I don’t get any sleep!!! I’m a nervous wreck! It’s not funny you weirdo, so stop with the birds.
Sincerely,
Agnes
December 21, 2010
O.K. wise guy,
The birds were bad enough. Now what do you expect me to do with eight maids a-milking? If that’s not bad enough, they had to bring their cows!! The front lawn was completely ruined by them, and I can’t move in my own house! Just lay off me or you’ll be sorry!
Agnes
December 22, 2010
Hey loser,
What are you? You must be some kind of sadist!! Now there are nine pipers playing, and they certainly do play! They haven’t stopped chasing those maids since they got here! The cows are getting upset, and they’re stepping all over those screeching birds. The neighbors are getting up a petition to evict me, and I’m going out of my mind!
You’ll get yours!
Agnes
December 23, 2010
You rotten scum!!!
There are now ten ladies dancing! There is only one problem with that! They’re dancing twenty-four hours a day all around me with the pipers upsetting the cows and the maids. The cows can’t sleep, and they are going to the bathroom everywhere! The building commissioner has subpoenaed me to give cause as to why the house shouldn’t be condemned! I can’t even think of a reason! You creep! I’m sicking the police on you!
One who means it!
December 24, 2010
Listen you evil, sadistic, maniac!
What’s with the eleven lords-a-leaping?!? They are leaping across the rooms breaking everything and even injuring some of the maids! The place smells, is an absolute mad house, and is about to be condemned! At least the birds are quiet; they were trampled to death by the cows. I hope you are satisfied–you rotten vicious worthless piece of garbage!
Your sworn enemy,
Agnes
December 25, 2010

The Law Offices of
Badger, Rees, and Yorker
20 Knave Street
Chicago, Illinois
Dear sir,
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers-fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, one Agnes Mcholstein. The destruction of course was total. If you attempt to reach Ms. Mcholstein at Happy Daze Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on site.
Please direct all correspondence to this office in the future. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
Cordially,
Badger, Rees, and Yorker

2_thumb1

k4

Pope John Paul II gets to heaven. St. Peter says, “Frankly, you’re lucky to be here.”

The Pope says, “Why? What did I possibly do wrong while on earth?”

St. Peter says, “God was very angry with your stance on women becoming priests.”

The Pope says, “God’s mad about THAT?”

St. Peter says, “She’s furious.”

880

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie, and behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together.

Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. “Let them go first. You wouldn’t want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?”

The man says, “No, sir. I did that once, and I’ve been sorry ever since!”

1_thumb7_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu

Our Troops

outsourcing

Overkill

Mrs. Jones went to see her doctor. When he inquired about her complaint, she replied that she suffered from a discharge. He instructed her to get undressed and lie down on the examining table.

She did so….

The doctor put on rubber gloves and began to massage her “private parts.” After a couple of minutes he asked, “How does that feel?”

“Wonderful,” she replied, “but the discharge is from my ear.”

881

An Oldie, but Goodie:

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, “Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole.”

The grandfather replies, “I’ll bet you five dollars you can’t. It’s too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole.”

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, “Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars.”

The grandfather replies, “I know. That’s from your grandma.”

1_thumb11_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_th

nano33

My mother wanted me to be a priest. Can you imagine giving up your sex life and then once a week people come in to tell you the details and highlights of theirs?

882

And this is from our Alaskan Camper Buddy, Bob:

Here is an Alaskan version I think you will enjoy.
Bob
http://alaskadispatch.com/dispatches/features/7903-quinhagaks-hallelujah

 

1_thumb13_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_th

I’ve received this several times now, so now we are going to put it out there.  Pardon me for a little literary license…

It all started with this gun………….

7

A-10 gun system

It was developed by General Electric, the “We bring good things to life” people.  It’s one of 7a1the modern-day Gatling guns.  You may remember the old Gatling guns….

Anyway, this one shoots very big bullets…and it shoots them very quickly.

Someone said, “Let’s put it in an airplane.”

Someone else said, “Better yet, let’s build an airplane around it!”7a

So they did.  “They” were the Fairchild-Republic airplane people.  They had done such a good job with an airplane they developed back in World War II, called the P-47 Thunderbolt, they decided to call this one the A-10 Thunderbolt.  People who worked with this plane lovingly called it the “Warthog.”A-10 background3

They made it so that it was very good at flying low and slow and shooting things with that fabulous gun.  But, since it did fly low and slow, they made it bulletproof, or almost so.  A lot of bad guys have found that you can shoot an A-10 with anything from a pistol to a 23mm Soviet cannon and it just keeps right on flying and shooting.

When they got through with the airplane it looked like this:

7b

and this:

080118-F-9999D-102

It’s not sleek and sexy like an F-18 or the stealthy Raptors and such, but I think it’s such a great airplane because it does what it does better than any other plane in the world.

It kills tanks.

A-10 background

Not only tanks, as Sadam Hussein’s boys found out to their utter horror, but armored personnel carriers, radar stations, locomotives, bunkers, fuel depots…just about anything the bad guys thought was bulletproof turned out to be pretty easy pickings for this beast!

7b1

7c

See those engines?  One of them alone will fly this puppy.  One stabilizer, a significant portion of one or a smaller portion of both wings, will still allow this bad boy to fly.  The pilot sits in a titanium alloy “bathtub” which makes him all but immune to small arms fire from the ground or sides.

But that’s all typical of the design.

They were smart enough to make every part the same whether mounted on the left side or the right side of the plane, like landing gear, just for instance.

Because the engines are mounted so high and away from the ground debris and the landing gear uses such low pressure tires, it can operate from a damaged airport, interstate highway, plowed filed, or dirt road.

Everything is redundant.  They have two of almost everything.  Sometimes they have three of the important somethings…like flight controls.  There’s triple redundancy of those and even if there is a total failure of both hydraulic systems, there is a set of manual flying controls.  You gotta love it!

7d

Capt Kim Campbell sustained this damage over Baghdad and flew for another hour before returning to base. 

But, back to that gun…

It’s so very hard to grasp just how powerful it is…

7e

This is the closest I could find to showing you just what this cartridge is all about.  What the guy on the left is holding is NOT the 30 mm round, but the “little” .50 Browning machinegun round (on the right) and the 20 mm round on the left.  Now, the guy in the right hand picture is holding a 30 mm round, but I couldn’t find one in the same picture to compare it to the human hand.

The 30 mm round is significantly bigger.

7f

Okay, down at the bottom of this chart you see the .50 BMG and the 20 mm (Vulcan Cannon model) rounds that the guy in the left picture were holding.  The round farthest to the right is the one we’re talking about here.  As someone who loaded the 20 mm and the 30 mm rounds in their respective aircraft guns, the picture REALLY doesn’t do the difference justice.

Let’s get some perspective here… the .223 Rem (M16 rifle round) is fast!  It shoots a 55 or so grain bullet at about 3300 feet/second, give or take a little bit.  It’s the fastest of all those rounds shown in the picture.  The fastest, that is, except one.  Want to take a wild guess as to which one is faster?

The bullet for the 30 mm Avenger has an aluminum jacket around a spent uranium core and weighs 6560 grains (yes, that’s over 100 times heavier than the M16 round.)  It flies through the air at an astounding 3500 ft/sec which makes it the faster round on the chart.

The cannon shoots at a rate of 4200 rounds per minute (rpm).  Yes, that’s four-thousand!  Pilots typically shoot a one or two second burst, which still sets loose 70 to 150 rounds.  (I have met pilots who can caress a trigger and get a mere 12 rounds at a time.)  The system is optimized for shooting at 4,000 feet.

Okay, the best for last…

You’ve got a pretty good idea of how big that cartridge is, but I’ll bet you really don’t appreciate how big that entire GA GAU-8 Avenger Gun system really is.

Take a look….

7g

Each of those seven barrels is 112 inches long.  That’s almost ten feet folks.  The entire gun system is 19 ½ feet long.  Think how impressive it would look set up in your living room.  (It wouldn’t fit in mine, lol).  Oh, by the way, it doesn’t eject the spent shells, but runs them back into the storage drum.  There’s just so dang many of them flying out, they might damage the aircraft.

Oh yeah, I forgot, they can hang those bombs and rockets and things on them too.  Just in case.  To the tune of eleven weapons pylons!  After all, it is a fighter aircraft.  Like I said, beautiful design!

7h

030609-F-3677M-036

And here’s a not-too-shabby video of the A-10 in action:

I’m sure glad this baby’s on our side.

7e1

1_thumb15_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_th

1_thumb17_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_th2_thumb1_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_thu1_thumb20_thumb_thumb_thumb_thumb_th

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s