Everyone get your legal thinking hats on…you real lawyers are already set…I’ve got this hypothetical question that’s niggling at the back of my head. Okay, here we go…
I’ve been arrested for possession of marijuana (let’s say) and I’ve been given a 5 year sentence. (Maybe it’s like the 4th time I’ve been arrested…just go with it) Now, during my 5 year sentence, proposition 119a comes up on the ballot and now possession of marijuana is legal in my state. Do I get cut loose? Do I still stay in jail because I’m being punished for something I did that, at the time, was a crime?
So, basically, the question is, what happens to someone who is in prison for something he did that is now legal to do?
Yes, these are the strange thoughts that permeate my poor brain.
Now, let’s laugh!
Yup! That’s what’s going on!
A hug – is a sign of love.
A laugh – is a sign of happiness.
And friends like us??
Shit…that’s just a sign of good taste!!
We’ll be friends until we are old and senile. Then we’ll be new friends.
Liberals Sneaking Into Canada
intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop
the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party are prompting
an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to
hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.
Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology
professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at
night. “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”
fences,but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that
blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves.” A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario
border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of
imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley Cabernet,
though.”
When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have
been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.
In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the
border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age” an official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore movies.
can’t support them.” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”
And before I start getting the hate mail….if you read the piece carefully it is anti-liberal AND conservative. We here at Dragon Laffs will poke fun at ANYONE! We are an equal opportunity poker funner.
Here we go again!
All of theses movies for the past two days have been brought to you by a comedy group called the Vacationeers. And here’s their website: http://www.thevacationeers.com/The_Vacationeers.html and someday soon, THEY will be able to say:
Q: Why did the child study in the airplane?
A: He wanted a higher education.
Q: How did the farmer fix his jeans?
A: With a cabbage patch.
A great time waster: http://www.ferryhalim.com/orisinal/g3/snowbowling.htm How many skaters can you roll over with giant snowballs?
Dear Santa:
I WANT ONE!!!
http://www.eaavideo.org/video.aspx?v=635469588001
George and Harriet decided to celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas . When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.
Harriet objected, “George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude.”
“Harriet, she’s a prostitute.”
“I don’t believe you. That sweet young thing?”
“Let’s go up to our room and I’ll prove it.”
In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for ‘Bambi’ to come to Room 217. “Now,” he said, “you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, OK?”
Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swinging her hips provocatively.
George asked, “How much do you charge?” “$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services..”
Even George was taken aback. “$125? I was thinking more in the range of $25.”
Bambi laughed derisively. “You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price.”
“Well,” said George, “I guess we can’t do business. Goodbye.”
After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. She said, “I just can’t believe it!”
George said, “Let’s forget it. We’ll go have a drink, then eat dinner.”
At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George, pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, “See what you get for $25?”
Sometimes when I reflect on all the beer I drink, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. I think, “It is better to drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
Babe Ruth
“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
Dave Barry
“I drink to make other people interesting.”
George Nathan
“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.”
Dean Martin
The pride out of appearance,
The courtesy out of driving,
The romance out of love,
The commitment out of marriage,
The responsibility out of parenthood,
The togetherness out of the family,
The learning out of education,
The service out of patriotism,
The Golden Rule from rulers,
The nativity scene out of cities,
The civility out of behavior,
The refinement out of language,
The dedication out of employment,
The prudence out of spending,
The ambition out of achievement or
God out of government and school.
And, we do understand the meaning of patriotism,
and remember those who have fought and died for our country.
Does anyone under the age of 50 know the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner?
What about the last verse of My Country ’tis of Thee?
=
The Tonight Show With Jay Leno
- A man was arrested on Black Friday at a Walmart in Palm Beach, Fla., carrying a gun, two knives, and a grenade. Residents of Palm Beach were stunned and said, “We have a Walmart here?”
- There’s a Nerf automatic dart gun that fires 60 darts in 20 seconds. Our kids are so fat now that it takes 60 darts to take them down.
- Federal workers have had their pay frozen for two years. The worst part is that the workers found out on WikiLeaks.
- WikiLeaks has released thousands of classified documents that could be detrimental to the United States. Usually, when something this embarrassing about the United States is revealed, it’s because Joe Biden said it.
Conan
- Today is Cyber Monday, the big online shopping day. It will be followed by Identity Theft Tuesday.
- President Obama was elbowed during a basketball game and had to receive 12 stitches. Obama said it was almost as embarrassing as the time he was dunked on by Barney Frank.
- In a recent interview, Sarah Palin said we have to stand with “our North Korean allies.” When told that North Korea is not our ally, Palin said, “Sorry, I meant East Korean allies.”
- Time Warner Cable is testing a premium service which sets a specific time for the cable installer to arrive. The two times available are winter and spring.
Sign in the Dragon Laffs Publications Headquarters break room. The way it works is this: when the phone rings, the bartender…I mean break room manager…will answer the phone and when he finds out who it’s for, he quickly points at the person, without saying anything, and that person responds by holding up 1, 2, 3 or 4 fingers in reference to the below picture. If he is willing to take the call he gives the bartend…manager a come on gesture and takes the call. There was one guy who decided, after the call and answer were made, not to pay the fee. I guess he figured the call was over, what could he do about it. Well, a week or so later this guy’s wife calls, the manager points at the guy and says, “Look lady, I don’t know who this is, but you can’t be bothering him at work. Besides, I just saw him walk out of here with his wife!” How do you think THAT went over when he got home that night? He ended up begging the bartender to call his wife and straighten it out. They eventually came to a monetary agreement (I heard it was 500 gold coins!) and the manager helped him out. But now, all his fees have been tripled and he has to pay ahead of time or he doesn’t get the answer he wants. The guys a nervous wreck!
We have such a playful crew here at D.L.
Jimmy Kimmel Live!
- If you’re a turkey or a sweet potato, congratulations on making it through the weekend alive.
- It turns out that it’s not the turkey that makes you sleepy — it’s being drunk at 4:00 p.m. on Thursday.
- President Obama took an elbow to the face last week and had to get 12 stitches. He was in line at Best Buy trying to get a $49 Blu-ray player.
- Black Friday is getting crazier every year. On Thanksgiving Thursday, we give thanks for the truly meaningful things, and then on Friday, we go out and stab each other to save $6.99 on a Nintendo DS.
Okay, part 1 of 3 ….Some very interesting stuff sent into us by Lynn…. for you war buffs:
For all you WW II buffs and any survivors still with us, here are some interesting photos. Most of them are American, but some are British including the very interesting photos towards the end of a Spitfire doing something we probably all knew about but never saw any real evidence of.
Photos from both Pacific and European Theaters…..
Japanese Kawanishi H8K seaplane after strafing. Kwajalein
Squad of Rufe’s at Bougainville. These things were very nimble even with the damn pontoons.
The A6M2-N float plane version of the Zero did extremely well, suffering only a small loss in its legendary maneuverability. Top speed was not affected, however, the aircraft’s relatively light armament was a detriment.
Snow on deck. USS Philippine Sea North Pacific 1945
HARVS on the way in; shot by a P-47. Rare shot.
Deck crew climbing up to get the pilot out. He did. That’s a fuel tank his foot is on. Empty?
Marines disembark LST at Tinian Island.
End of part 1. Tune in tomorrow for the second part of this great photo series.
Dragon Laffs 
May I just point out in reference to your verses of “My Country tis of Thee” that this is only a recent cover version of “God Save the Queen” and not a terribly good one. Try changing the national Anthem to ‘America the Beautiful’. Less chances for divas at baseball games but…..
PS you may wish to give us credit for the language (or similarity thereto) you have borrowed without thanks?
British Subject
SOMEONE had to up date that stodgy old chestnut…and the song too not just the Monarch.
We’ll give you credit for the language as soon as we can find it in our hearts to forgive you for baked beans on toast for breakfast (ruins perfectly good baked beans to say NOTHING of breakfast), Prince Sugar Bowl Head cheating on Diana with that horse-faced plow pony Camellia and YOU get around to repaying us for all the Lend-Lease stuff we sent over for WWII as well as issuing a offical Thank You for saving your sorry stiff upper lips from the Germans & Italians.
Sound fair?