And they are arguing AGAIN about excusing school loans!  Come on people!  What it comes down to, is you took out the loan knowing you were going to have to pay it back and now you are trying to renege on that.  And the other side of that is why should those of us who didn’t incur your debt, who didn’t go to college, or who paid their way through, pay for a bad loan that YOU made?  Tell ME why I should pay YOUR bills?  Especially when I’m having a hard enough time paying my OWN bills.  You stand there with your signs and chant your chants, but what it amounts to is that you want someone else to pay what you are responsible to pay for!  It would be like me going to the store, taking a TV off the shelf, and then demanding that you pay for it.  Have you no shame?  Demanding that someone else pay your bills?  Gee, doesn’t that sound like a stand up adult. 
You signed it the loan, you pay the bill. 
Grow up.

Okay, push that soapbox back under the counter and move on.  So, what’s next?

Got this email from Joe from NJ

I’m having a yard work and garage clean out day. Taking a break and found this on my phone:

It’s a good stand, Joe.  And for you to find it theoretically in your garage is amazing.  Now, if you could just find…wait, I think I’ve got it!!

Q. Why are Jewish men circumcised?
A. Because Jewish women won’t touch anything unless it is 20% off.

During a recent flood in a small Australian town, a young girl was perched on top of a house with a little boy. As they sat watching articles float by in the water, they noticed an old hat go past.

Suddenly, the hat turned and came back, then turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, again it turned and came back. They watched as it did this a number of times.

“Do you see that hat?” said the girl in amazement. “First it goes downstream, then turns around and comes back, then it goes back downstream and then it comes back again.”

“Oh, that’s nothing, it’s only my dad,” replied the boy. “This morning my Mum said that come hell or high water, he had to mow the lawn today.

Happy Birthday to … somebody!

Probably the only place in the world where that’s true.

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn’t be late for church.
As she ran she kept praying, “Dear God, please don’t let me be late to church.   Please don’t let me be late to church….”

As she was running she tripped and fell.

When she got back up she began praying again…
“Please, God don’t let me be late to church — but don’t shove me either

An American guy travels to Japan on business. After 3 days of intense
meetings, he’s exhausted.

After work he decides to go out and get some dinner, and maybe have a few
drinks. Well, after a few beers and some saki, he’s feeling a little horny.
He decides to go down the street to a geisha bar.
After a few more drinks he hires one of the women to go back to his hotel
for some action.

They go back, begin to fool around, and eventually end up on the bed. As
they start to have sex, she begins moaning . . . then screaming. As she
catches her breath, she begins shouting, “Shin-Wa!
Shin-Wa!”

The guy doesn’t speak any Japanese, but is having the best sex of his life,
and he’s pretty proud of himself for giving the Geisha such a great time.
After they’re done, he pays her, and she leaves, barely able to walk out of
the room.

The next day, the businessman has to play golf with the CEO of the Japanese
company he had been meeting with. Everything goes great . . . they get
to the 18th hole, and the CEO has a 40 ft. putt to make par, and have the
best round of his life. He takes his time, lines it up, and sinks it!

The American is so thrilled, he decides to impress the CEO with the Japanese
he’s learned and starts shouting, “Shin-Wa! Shin-Wa!”

The CEO turns to him and says, “What do mean, wrong hole?

Selma telephones home with some exciting news:

“Mama, I got married.”

“Mazel Tov,” says Mama.

“I might as well tell you, Mama, he’s not of our Faith.”

“So he’s a goy. But am I prejudiced?”

“But, Mama, he’s also black.”

“So he’s a schvartzeh. By me, everybody should be tolerant.”

“Well, frankly, Mama, he’s also unemployed.”

“So, you’ll support him. A wife should help her husband.”

“But, Mama, we have no place to live.”

“Don’t worry, Selma, dear. You’ll move in with us.”

“But Mama, you have only one bedroom.”

“That’s okay. You and your husband can have the bedroom.”

“Yes, Mama, but where will you and Papa sleep?”

“Papa can sleep on the couch in the living room.”

“Yes, Mama, but where will *you* sleep?”

“Selma, dear, about me you don’t need to worry. The minute I get off the
phone…I’m going to drop dead.”

And once again, just because it’s cool…

Style Contest

Remember, the following winning entries were printed in the newspaper:

Third place:

There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
‘Twas “Hail to the Chief”
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski

Second place:

Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
“We don’t want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.”

And the winning entry:

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter
When deciding how best to be blown.

IN          THE          NEWSPAPER!!!!!!!!!!

Legend states that when you’re overwhelmed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear to tell you that you cut their sandwich wrong.

Fact Of The Day:

What Is A Chortle?

A “Chortle” is a type of laugh that is a mixture of a chuckle and a snort.  The word was first used in the poem Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll.  Carroll, author of Alice in Wonderland, is also credited with introducing the words “galumph” and “slithy”.

This is a painful machine.

Fact Of The Day:

A Funeral For A Leg

In 1842, Mexican General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna had a military burial for his leg.  No, that is not a typo.  He held a military funeral service filled with cannon fire, speeches, poems, and prayers, in honor of his dearly departed right leg.  Four years earlier in 1838, Santa Anna lost his leg during battle with the French.  Cannon Fire hit his leg and as a result, doctors had to amputate the leg.

“People wonder why I give so many compliments out to strangers.  I’m not being fake and I’m not looking for people to like me.  But, if I pass someone and I like something, I say it.  ‘Love those shoes!’ or ‘Great hair!’ or ‘Wow, your eyes are beautiful!’ … why?  Because life is hard and this world can be a shitty place … and people are mean.  You never know how much those few words mean to someone, you never know what hell they may be going through; and when you put positivity out there into the universe YOU yourself become a happier person.  It’s hard to be nice and be miserable yourself.  It’ll reflect from the outside in.  I’m telling you random compliment giving will change your life; and maybe someone else’s too.”

~ Jordan Sarah Weather

Some stranger somewhere still remembers you because you were kind to them when no one else was.

What about reparations for the Irish who were enslaved to build the rail lines?
What about the Poles and the Slavs who were enslaved in the coal mines of Pennsylvania?
What about … I could go on and on …
See, the fact of the matter is that most, if not all of us can claim some sort of historical complaint that we could claim some sort of recompense for.  So all of us, grow the hell up and knock it the hell off!

More potent words were never spoken.

Everyone is normal until you get to know them.

“Grab the Weasel and the rifle and let’s go!”

I was so bored sitting at home one night that I memorized six pages of the dictionary.  I learned next to nothing.

People need to stop putting flyers on my car.  I don’t want to see a band called “Parking Violation” at the “Courthouse.”

I bet there’s a couple of seconds on that medieval torture stretcher rack where it feels incredible.

Stop, Drop and Roll was always such a big deal as a kid…
I really thought I’d be on fire more than this as an adult.

Here’s a fun fact about bees:  Most of them are actually allergic to pollen.  When exposed to pollen they develop hives.

Is Sex Better For Men Or Women?

I just had a discussion with my wife about sex being better for either men or women.

She said, “Of course for women!  When you have that itch in your ear, and you put your finger in to scratch it, where does it feel better?  On your finger or in the ear?”

I still am speechless.

What is a group of butterflies called?
A group of butterflies is a kaleidoscope.  They’re also known as a swarm, flutter, flight, swarm, rabble, or a wing of butterflies.

I met this beautiful girl last night, she phones me today and says, “Come on over, no one’s home!”

So I got there, and there was no one home. 

I mistakenly used the dog shampoo instead of mine.  Now I feel like such a good boy.

A century of fighting for women’s rights, and in 2023, the women who are being celebrated have penises.

And doesn’t that make you feel stupid?

How come there is enough asphalt for speed bumps but not enough to fill pot holes?

Boss hangs a poster in the office
“I AM THE BOSS, DO NOT FORGET”
He returns from lunch, finds a slip on his desk. 
“Your wife called, she wants her poster back home.”

When you’re a child, you make funny faces at the mirror.
When we become adults, the mirror gets even.

I worked at a bill collection firm in the early ’90s (don’t judge me).  A guy started working there, went through the two days of training, then started working.  After about an hour, he got up and left.  Didn’t say, “I quit.”  Didn’t say, “this job isn’t for me.”  Didn’t say, “screw you.”  He just got up to go to the bathroom, went through the front door and drove away.  It took the managers a few hours to figure out that this guy got the job with a fake name, and erased his  own debt on the computer.

And that is all there is my friends, at least for today.  May God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.

That is the truth.  The world is a very weird place today.  Have I told you guys that my brother, the Owl has had a stroke?  He asked me to bring him to God and he had a stroke.  I think it was the other way around though.  He had a stroke and he asked me to help him find God.

I love my brother to death. 

So, I’m asking all of you guys to throw him on your prayer list as well, please.  We’ll get the whole world praying for him.

So, yesterday…it’s now tomorrow, by the way, so yesterday I mowed the yard and when I was 90% done, the sky got dark, it started to thunder and lightning and the rain started, so I hurried up and finished and rain inside.  Well, I didn’t notice until I took the dogs out later, but in one section of the backyard, I missed a big swath right in the middle.  Now, my backyard looks like it has a Mohawk. 

Anyway, I’m just mentally wandering in circles, so let’s get to the laughter and maybe my mind will straighten itself out later…or maybe not…either way it works out for you guys.

This would be Izzy’s place of business.  “Burn this puppy down!” 

A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium.

He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics.

He inquired of the tour guide, “Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?”

“No,” replied the guide. “It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer.”

“Never heard of him. What did he write?”

“A cheque”, replied the guide. .

A Pennsylvania farmer was selling his peaches door to door. 

He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. 

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, “Would you like to buy some peaches?” 
 
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, “Are they as firm as this?” 
 
He nodded his head and said, “Yes ma’am,” and a little tear ran from his eye. 
 
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, “Are they nice and pink like this?” 
 
The farmer said, “Yes,”and another tear came from the other eye.
 
Then the lady unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, “Are they as fuzzy as this?” 
 
He again said, “Yes,” and broke down crying.
 
The lady asked, “Why on earth are you crying?”
 
Drying his eyes he replied, “The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn and now I’m gonna get screwed out of my peaches.” 

Going back to an early conversation from an earlier issue, Joe from NJ informs me that “They’re ALL oldies to me”, which implies that you, too are old, Joe.  Which also implies that I’M old.  Especially since I agree that this next one is an oldie, but goodie.

A mountain farmer got in his pickup and drove several miles to a neighboring farm and knocked on the farmhouse door. A young boy, about 12, opened the door. 

“Is yer pa home?” he asked. 

“No sir, he sure ain’t,” the boy replied. “He went to town.” 

“Well,” said the farmer. “Is yer ma home?” 

“No, she ain’t here either. She went to town with pa.” 

“Well, then, how about yer brother, Joe, is he here?” 

“No sir, he went with pa and ma.” 

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. 

“Is there anything I kin do fer ya’?” inquired the young boy politely. “I know where all the tool are, if you want to borry one; or maybe I could take a message fer pa.” 

Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “I really wanted to talk to yer pa. It’s about your brother Joe getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.” 

The boy considered for a moment. “You would have to talk to pa about that,” he finally conceded. “I know that pa charges $50 for the bull and $25 for the boar hog, but I really don’t know how much he gets for Joe.” 

“Who is this Obi Won you speak of, little girl?”

The attractive wife told her husband she was going on vacation with a girlfriend, but she really went with her long time wealthy lover, who gave her a beautiful $10,000 mink coat.

But she couldn’t bring it home so she figured a way. She pawned the mink coat. She came home and told her husband she had found a pawn ticket, which was really the pawn ticket to her mink coat; and she asked her husband to find out what had been pawned.

Her husband returned and told his wife it was a cheap watch. The next day his secretary was wearing a $10,000 mink coat.

Artificial intelligence and generative bots, led by ChatGPT, will upend next year’s elections with as much force as social media reset the playbook in 2008.

• Why it matters: Top technologists are portraying a dystopian 2024 landscape in which misinformation and disinformation proliferate with a speed and ease that means “you can’t trust anything that you see or hear,” as former Google CEO Eric Schmidt puts it.

The campaign will be “full of false information that anyone can generate,” Schmidt said yesterday at the Aspen Ideas Festival.

• MIT’s Daniel Huttenlocher, who joined Schmidt on a panel, said: “AI is now this huge amplifier for how you should not trust anything in print. … And by the way you shouldn’t trust any images, and you shouldn’t trust any videos, and you shouldn’t trust any audio either.”

Ron Klain, former chief of staff to President Biden, said during a separate conversation that campaigns will need to change to counter AI.

• Klain said Biden must connect directly with people on the campaign trail, and the campaign to recruit local trustworthy messengers, rather than “bringing in random people from other places.”

Took me a minute to find the Mallard part of the Swan & Mallard, but I got it.

Okay, that’s just WEIRD with a capital WEIRD in so many, many ways.

A glass of water, master?

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT – TEMU

This is downright haunting, so pay close attention: ALL ABOUT TEMU….

Kim Komando did some digging about TEMU and this is what she found! Direct download from Kim Komando’s post Stop before you shop!

Seemingly overnight, everyone’s talking about Temu (pronounced “tee-moo”), an online shopping app that boasts deals that seem too good to be true, like $17 wireless earbuds, $1 “gold” necklaces and $23 wedding dresses.

Over 50 million Americans have downloaded Temu since it launched state-side in September 2022, after it gained traction with expensive Super Bowl ads promising to let you “shop like a billionaire.” Today, Temu is the most popular shopping app in the U.S. behind Amazon. But most of us don’t know much about the app’s true origins. Reader Daniel Mayer asked an important question, “Is [Temu] something we should be concerned about?” So, I did some digging. And as it turns out, yes, you absolutely should be. Here’s what I found:

Where did Temu come from? This isn’t some fly-by-night operation. Temu is based in Boston, Massachusetts, by PDD Holdings Inc. (Nasdaq: PDD). PDD is headquartered in Shanghai, China. PDD also owns the e-commerce platform Pinduoduo headquartered in — you guessed it — China. So, Temu is a Communist China-based app and site.

What you need to know before using Temu First, you’re buying goods directly from manufacturers in China and other parts of the world. That’s why shipping times are often 12 days or longer. The prices are low because the goods are cheap. The pictures of what you see advertised may not be what you actually get.

Temu’s BBB rating is 2.21/5. Reviews at TrustPilot are interesting, with 38% 5-star reviews and 41% 1-star reviews.

But that’s not the worst of it. Temu is downright dangerous.

The app is a clever, pervasive digital stalker. As you shop, Temu monitors your activity on other apps, tracks your notifications and location and changes settings.

🛑 It gets worse. Temu gains full access to all your contacts, calendars and photo albums, plus all your social media accounts, chats and texts. In other words, literally everything on your phone.

No shopping app needs this much control, especially one tied to Communist China. If you’re using Temu, delete the app from your phone ASAP. On iPhone, Long-press an app, then tap Remove App > Delete App. Tap Delete to confirm. On Android, touch and hold an app, then tap Remove App > Delete App > Delete. Pro tip: If you downloaded Temu, to be safe from Chinese spies, you really need to do a full factory reset.

💣 What do I think? Americans using Temu are selling the country out for cheap crap from overseas. But wait, there’s more! Temu’s sister app was removed from Google Play because of malware. Do not buy from this company or use their app !!! Also I personally read an article from Time website and it practically follows this statement.

I asked Izzy Dragon if she’s ever heard of Temu before and she not only said yes, but that she has it and uses it!!!  When I read this little article to her she seemed completely unconcerned showing me that the younger generation just doesn’t care!

This is amazing!

 Take a shower, wash off the day. 

Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. 

Lie down and close your eyes. 

Notice the silence. Notice your heart. 

Still beating. Still fighting. 

You made it, after all. 

You made it, another day. 

And you can make it one more. 

You’re doing just fine.

New Orleans lawyer sought an Mortgage loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the Lawyer three months to track down.

After sending the information to the mortgage company, he received the following reply:

“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows :

“Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.

For the edification of uninformed mortgage company bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the mortgage company took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus’ expedition.

Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the mortgage company. I hope you at the mortgage company find God’s original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our loan?”

The loan was approved.

A pretty girl is driving through the west. Her car runs out or gas, and an Indian comes along on a horse, and gives her a ride to a gas station. 

Every few minutes he lets out a wild whoop that would curdle milk. 

Finally, he drops her off with a final “Yiiieee-yiiieee-yiiiee!” and gallops off. 

“My god!” says the gas station guy. “What were you doing to that Indian to make him holler like that?” 

“Why, nothing,” says the girl. “I just sat behind him with my arms around him, holding onto his saddle horn.” 

“Lady,” says the guy, “Indians don’t use saddles.” 

Written by a third grade, on what his grandparents do.
 After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
 We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box that has wheels, but it’s strapped to the ground. They ride around on their bicycles, and wear name tags, because they don’t know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don’t do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all just jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape.
Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night – early birds. Some of the people can’t get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.
My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and, says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren. . . . PRICELESS

This one is from Stephen B, and I must say that I agree whole heartedly, 100%!!!  Count me in!!

🗽NYC Drag Marchers Chant: “We’re Here, We’re Queer, We’re Coming for Your Children”🏳️‍🌈

I don’t care about the first part, I don’t give a rat’s ass about the second part, but the third part…that pisses me off.  I call for the arrest of everyone who chanted that for verbal assault on and threatening of a minor.

APRIL FOOLS DAY

Is cancelled this year because no made up prank could match the unbelievable crap going on in the world right now.

Would they dare do the same thing with a group that mocks Islam?  The world would explode!!!!  But it’s okay to mock Christians?  Why isn’t the world exploding just as loudly?

No kidding!

Do you know how disappointed she is that he’s lasted THIS long?

Kodak discovered that the USA was testing atomic bombs because the corn husks used for packing material were fogging film because they had been exposed to radiation.

A wise man once said, “Hate has four letters, but so does Love.  Enemies has seven letters, but so does Friends.  Lying has five letters, but so does Truth.  Cry has three letters, but so does Joy.  Negativity has ten letters, but so does Positivity.
Life is two-sided, choose the better side of it.

Just wanted to let you know….I received my 2023 Social Security Stimulus Package.

It contained two tomato seeds, pancake mix, two discount coupons to KFC, a “Biden Build Back Better” bumper sticker, a prayer rug, a Biden Speech Decoder Ring, a machine to blow smoke up my butt, a case of Bud Light, and a “Blame it on Trump” poster for the front yard.

The directions were in Spanish.

Yours should arrive soon.

Driving down the road and saw my ex walking along. 

It’s funny how “I’d hit that” changes meaning over the years.

[At Dairy Queen] 

Me:  Medium Oreo Blizzard, Please. 

DQ:  You wanna spoon? 

Me:  Sure.  When’s your shift over?

Life ALWAYS finds a way!

Sis, you’re not a Snack when you have 5 kids by 5 Baby Daddies. 
You’re an Arby’s 5 for 5!
You’ve had the meats!

Eyes up, Padre!

My mom always said she didn’t have a favorite child, which is rough.  Because I don’t have any brothers or sisters.

My German girlfriend likes to rate my sexual performance on a scale of 1-10. 
Last night we tried anal.
She kept yelling 9!
That’s the best I’ve ever done!

If I’m reading their lips correctly…
My neighbors are arguing about some creepy guy next door.

Well played Hollywood, well played.

Those who laugh the loudest and smile the widest, may also cry the hardest.

–LeighG–

You don’t always need a logical reason for doing everything in your life.  Do it because you want to; because it’s fun; because it makes you happy.

Every time I take up a sport or exercise I meet new people…Usually, they’re paramedics…but they’re new people!

I’m looking to rehome myself.
I’m tired of adulting.
I’m housebroken.

Did you know that fatigue usually starts at about the 6th week of pregnancy and lasts until you die.

One great thing about Mississippi heat…

You can guarantee no one is waiting in your back seat to kill you.

Amen! 

And with that, another extra long issue comes to an end.  May God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

You answered my question

Did you guys get the Happy 4th of July Issue that went out at 0200 hrs. this morning? Just wondering…

Impish Dragon

Tomorrow is our country’s birthday.  We will be 247 years old.  Two-hundred, forty-seven years old… that is truly amazing.  I know, I know.  Compared to some of you out there, that ain’t nuthin’!  But, for us, that’s pretty good!  247 years of freedom. 
What does it mean? 
Independence
Freedom
It is so disappointing to see us giving up our freedom, giving it away on a daily basis, every day a little more.  It could make me cry. 
But today we are going to talk about the American spirit.  Our fight to remain free…to remain AMERICAN. 
Let’s get started…

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died, because I left the lights on overnight.

I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it.

I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at least 30mph for it to start.

She said “fine,” hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and then I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph.

Suddenly, I realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions.

Joe from NJ sent this one in from Buddy Brown.  We’ve listened to Buddy in the past and he’s normally well spoken and makes sense.  Joe says he subscribed to his channel so I’ll leave it up to Joe to pass on anything else that he feels we would like to see.

An 8 year-old boy was screaming in the store because his mom wouldn’t buy him a chocolate bar.

So, I bought one and ate it in front of him.

I don’t think they even learn that in school anymore.

Patriotic Dragon by Creative Dreamr … I think it’s awesome!

I’m trying to read this really good book on how to relax, but I keep falling asleep.

July the 4th that is…

Believe the science… 
Except for that chromosome thing.

A good day is when the crap hits the fan and I have time to duck.

Ladies, this is the God’s honest truth!  This is the most unattractive thing you can possibly do to yourself.  And if your boyfriend/husband says otherwise, he is lying to you probably because he is afraid of you or of hurting your feelings.  The next most unattractive one is the one that hangs off the side of your nose and then the little stud that pokes through your nose.  Leave your darn nose alone!  It’s got enough holes in it as it is!  This thing that is above?  I feel like I should clip my dogs  leash to it and lead you around!  Is THAT how you feel a LADY should be treated?  No, neither do I!!!  For crying-out-loud, treat yourself special like you are, not like some barn yard animal!  And yeah, I know, I’m gonna get some hate mail over this one.

Now THAT’S some snow!

A wonderful remake on an old classic!

One minute you’re young and fun.  And the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

I hope Google never goes down.  I know like six, maybe seven, things.

You never realize how truly sarcastic you are until you have a “mini-me” who acts the same way.

A couple were having dinner one evening when the husband reached across the table, took his wife’s hand in his and pleaded, “Beth, soon we will be married 30 years, and there’s something I have GOT to know…. In all of these 30 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?”

Beth replied, “Well, Charles, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I’ve been unfaithful to you three times during these 30 years, but it was always for a good reason.”

Charles was obviously hurt by his wife’s confession, but admitted, “I never suspected. Can you tell me what you mean by ‘good reasons?'”

Beth responded, “The very first time was shortly after we were married. We were about to lose our little house — because we couldn’t pay the mortgage. Do you remember that one evening I went to see the banker? The next day, he notified you that ‘the loan would be extended?'”

Charles recalled the visit to the banker and answered, “I can forgive you for that. You saved our home!” then he added, “but what about the second time?” Charles inquired.

“And do you remember when you were so-o-o sick, but we didn’t have the money to pay for the heart surgery you needed? No insurance, either. Well, I went to see your doctor one night and, if you recall, he did the surgery — at NO charge.”

“I recall that,” relates Chuck. thinking back to the coronary surgery. “And you did it to save my LIFE, so, of course, I can forgive you for that.”

He interjected, “Now tell me about the third time.”

“All right,” Beth responded. “Do you remember when you ran for president of your golf club, and you were needing seventy-three more votes?”

Well, tomorrow will be, but let’s not get fussy.

This lady is giving a party for her granddaughter, and has gone all out. She had a caterer, band, and a hired clown. Just before the party starts, two bums show up looking for a handout. Feeling sorry for the bums, the woman tells them that they can get a meal if they will chop some wood out back. 

Gratefully, they head to the rear of the house. Guests arrive, and all is going well with the children having a wonderful time. But the clown has not shown up, and finally, the clown calls to report that he is stuck in traffic, and will probably not make the party at all. The woman is very disappointed and unsuccessfully tries to entertain the children herself. She happens to look out the window and sees one of the bums doing cartwheels across the lawn. She watches in awe as he swings from tree branches, does midair flips, and leaps high in the air. 

She speaks to the other bum and says, “What your friend is doing is absolutely marvellous. I have never seen such a thing. Do you think your friend would consider repeating this performance for the children at the party? I would pay him $50!” 

The bum replies, “Well, I dunno. Let me ask him. HEY WILLIE! FOR $50, WOULD YOU CHOP OFF ANOTHER TOE?” 

And a late entry…

Trump was still indicted in New York…

My new hat that I got today.  If you can’t read it it says, “I got a DNA test God is my Father Veterans are my brothers.”

They defund your police, close the mental asylums, and let the criminals out of jail. Then they do this if you try to step in:

Daniel Penny awaits trial, where prosecutors will seek a grand jury indictment on a charge of manslaughter.

They used to say evil prevails when good men fail to act. But now it prevails because good men — when they do act — are vilified, arrested, and charged with crimes.

Thanks to Lynn for sending these Tips on Pumping Gasoline

I don’t know what you guys are paying for gasoline…. but here in California we are paying up to $3.75 to $4.10 per gallon. My line of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to get more of your money’s worth for every gallon:

Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline where I work in San Jose , CA we deliver about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period through the pipeline.. One day is diesel, the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades. We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.

Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon or in the evening….your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role.

A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.

When you’re filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low, middle, and high. You should be pumping on low mode, thereby minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you’re getting less worth for your money.

One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL. The reason for this is the more gas you have in your tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation.

Unlike service stations, here where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that every gallon is actually the exact amount.

Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up; most likely the gasoline is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally settles on the bottom.

I cried like a baby!  I also discovered a new band!  Thanks Lynn!

Me at every family gathering ever attended 

A Pennsylvania farmer was selling his peaches door to door. 

He knocked on a door and a shapely 40 something lady dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. 

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, “Would you like to buy some peaches?” 
 
She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, “Are they as firm as this?” 
 
He nodded his head and said, “Yes ma’am,” and a little tear ran from his eye. 
 
Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, “Are they nice and pink like this?” 
 
The farmer said, “Yes,”and another tear came from the other eye.
 
Then the lady unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, “Are they as fuzzy as this?” 
 
He again said, “Yes,” and broke down crying.
 
The lady asked, “Why on earth are you crying?”
 
Drying his eyes he replied, “The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn and now I’m gonna get screwed out of my peaches.” 

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. . . . I want to achieve it through not dying.

-Woody Allen (1935 – )

There is a lesson in there somewhere…

Although sometimes, you had to follow the extra long cord to see whose room it was in.

Yeah baby, that’s what I want to do!

Pet Owner: “Every time a bell rings, my dog goes and sits in the corner.”

Vet: “That’s perfectly normal; he’s a boxer.”

A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons.

The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth.

The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue.

Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter.

He added his mule to the 17, making 18.

The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two.

Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.

Today’s puzzle that I built earlier

There are several mailboxes I should replace and some folks I should apologize to for settin’ those things off on their front steps at 3 o’clock in the morning.

I was staying with my uncle. One day he come in and said, ‘One of the chickens has just died. We’ll have roast chicken for dinner.’ 

I said, ‘Lovely.’ 

The next day he come in and said, ‘One of the pigs has just died. We’ll have roast pork for dinner.’ 

I said,’Lovely’. 

One of the ducks died the next day. He said, ‘We’ll have roast duck for dinner.’ 

I said, ‘Lovely.’ 

Then the next day he came down all dressed in black. He said, ‘Your auntie’s just died.’ 

I said, ‘Don’t worry. I’m not stopping for dinner.’ 

Patrick O’Reilly was lucky. Since the day he had found that four-leaf clover, everything good seemed to come his way. He had met the wonderful Rosie, and after a whirlwind romance, they were married. And now, a year later, he was the proud father of beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. At work, the story was the same. He had been promoted and had received a substantial raise, and now the firm had come up with a profit sharing plan.

Patty was certain his good fortune was due to his four-leaf clover, Everywhere he went, he was certain to be carrying the talisman in his suit pocket. One morning, Patty could not find the clover. He searched the house, but it was not there. In panic, he tried to recall when he had last seen it. He finally recalled it was in his grey suit that he had dropped off at the dry cleaners.

He rushed to the cleaners only to find that the work had been completed and his suit was ready to be picked up. He searched the suit and found the four-leaf clover, still in one piece but now flattened from the dry cleaning. From that day on, Patty’s fortunes changed. Life was good but was no longer perfect. The little inconveniences were always there. He had a flat tire as he was driving to an important meeting. The twins developed measles when his boss and his wife were over for dinner.

No, Patty’s life had changed. He still carried the amulet, but he was certainly not living under the silver lining he was used to and had come to expect. Finally, he had had enough. He visited the parish priest to see if he could help him understand what had happened. “This certainly should have been expected,” he was told. “You should have known that … it is never right to press one’s luck.”

I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old.

I had him strapped in a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs, (13 to be exact).

I was bruised, bleeding and I had torn my jeans … but my main concern was, naturally, for my child.

My fears were alleviated though when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed by, “Again!”

And that is it my friends.  This issue is getting so overloaded that it doesn’t want to take anything else.  I hope it loads safely to everyone’s computers and phones and all that.  Just a quick reminder to all to be safe this holiday, I need to see you all back on Thursday.  May God Bless you with love and Happiness and May God Bless the United States, the BEST country in the world!