So it’s now Saturday morning and I am in a rush to get this done for Monday, so I can get started for Thursday because, like I’ve mentioned several times before, I am busy Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.  And…AND…if you guys were paying attention to today’s (Saturday’s) episode, I have a letter to share with you that I REALLY want your opinion on, that you will find in the Political section.  

The first thing I did this morning was check on the comments.  Well, okay, that’s technically a lie, so let’s be honest.  The first thing I did this morning was play Wordle and Connections on the NYT website.  Something I do every day.  Something I highly recommend to ALL of you.  You want to keep Alzheimer and Dementia away?  Here is the greatest thing you can do.  I’ll give you the secret.  Go get a paper and pencil and write this down.  It’s important.  Go on, I’ll wait.

KEEP YOUR MIND ACTIVE AND ENGAGED WITH REAL STUFF!!!  Not mindless television.  Not stupid stuff.  REAL things that make you THINK!  Do crossword puzzles.  Do math puzzles.  READ!

READ!!

I’m serious here.  Every day I do the Wordle, the Connections, a Killer Sudoku, I was doing the NYT crossword until they started charging me for it (I think I had a trial to it or something, but it made me made when they wanted to charge me money to do a darn crossword puzzle and I stopped and none of the other ones were really hard enough) and of  course I READ!!  I’m normally in the middle of a few books at once.

So, back to where we were.  The first thing I did was what I just said, then I got gas and mowed the lawn, THEN I checked for comments and didn’t find any when I was sure I would find something from someone.  So I jumped right in and that’s where we are…

Okay, so that was a long way to go to get to say…

Stephen B. sent me this very special picture…I want you guys to try and figure it out…

It is a dog.  The bottom which you think is a mouth is an ear and the dog is facing up to the ceiling.

Dude, that is wrong on so many, many different levels.

Okay, so that was beautiful.

Two friends, one very wealthy and the other quite poor, were sitting in a bar late one night. 

They were talking about different things when the poor man asked the rich man, 

“So what did you end up giving your wife for her birthday, the Mercedes or the diamond ring?” 

“I got her the Mercedes and the diamond ring,” says the rich man.

The poor man, a bit puzzled, asked, “Why the heck did you get her both?” 

The rich man replied, “I got her both so if she doesn’t like the ring, she can drive her new car back to the jeweler’s to exchange it.  So… What did YOU buy for YOUR wife?” 

The poor man says, “I bought her a pair of flip-flops and a dildo.” 

Obviously confused, the rich man asked why he chose those items.

The poor man replied,

“Because if she doesn’t like the flip-flops, she can go screw herself!” 

Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today.  It is already tomorrow in Australia.

– Charles Schulz (1922-2000)

I had no idea this was so much of a thing.  I really kind of thought it was just a Jersey thing.  Raising little Jersey Thugs.  Turns out, it’s all across the country…maybe the whole world!  Just a fast Google search turned up SO MUCH!  Here’s just a quick sample…

And this one I love!

Okay, so that’s the end of the little Red Rover docudrama.

LOL!  Okay, that’s the perfect sign to come next!  LOL!

Impish Dragon for King!  Okay, okay.  So…maybe not King.  How about for President?

Hey!  Me too!

No…sadly, it’s Monday.  About as far from Friday as you can  possibly get.

Okay, I’m going to tell you RIGHT NOW that this next one is from Joe.  Joe sent this in.  Joe from NJ.  Just so you know.  Not sayin’ anything else, just letting you know that JOE SENT THIS NEXT ONE IN.

(I ain’t gettin’ blamed for this one…)

How do you make an orange laugh?

 

Tickle its navel

(Sorry brother, I shouldn’t have thrown you under the bus like that, but … damn!)

Wait!  Wait!  This one is so much better!!!

Ha, Ha, Ha!!! In your 30s!!!

My daughter called me at work to say I was to phone Ian at my bank.

The operator asked me what Ian’s last name was and I explained that he hadn’t left his surname.

When she asked for his department, I said I didn’t know.

“There are 1500 employees in this building, ma’am,” she advised me rather curtly.

After a few more brusque comments, I asked her for her name. “Danielle,” she said. “And your last name?” I asked.

“Sorry,” she replied, “we don’t give out last names.”

Okay, so actually out of all the silly assed Star Trek memes, that one was pretty good.

And there we are back again.

Poor Bob.  Ever notice, the poor schmucks name is always Bob…

Real mothers don’t eat quiche; they don’t have time to make it. 

Real mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox. 

Real mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens, and happy kids. 

Real mothers know that dried playdough doesn’t come out of shag carpet. 

Real mothers don’t want to know what the vacuum just sucked up. 

Real mothers sometimes ask “why me?” and get their answer when a little voice says, “because I love you best.” 

Real mothers know that a child’s growth is not measured by height or years or grade… it is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy to Mom… 

“Sweetheart, the kids are at home, we need to go pick up the pizza and get back before they realize we’re gone.  So hurry it up.”

Our local minister had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures made a few weeks ago.

The first Sunday, his sermon lasted 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday he preached for an hour and a half.

I asked him about this.

He then told me “Well, that first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.

The second Sunday, my dentures were still hurting a lot.

But the third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife’s dentures and I couldn’t stop talking!”

PHRASES FOR YOU TO USE IN AN INTERVIEW

Phrase: I’m extremely adept at all manners of office organization.
Meaning: I’ve used Microsoft Office.

Phrase: I’m honest, hard-working and dependable.
Meaning: I pilfer office supplies.

Phrase: I take pride in my work.
Meaning: I blame others for any mistakes.

Phrase: I’m personable.
Meaning: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.

Phrase: I am very adaptable.
Meaning: I’ve changed jobs a lot.

Phrase: I am on the go.
Meaning: I’m never at my desk.

Phrase: I’m highly motivated to succeed.
Meaning: The minute I find a better job, I’m outta here.

7-Up’s original name was “Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda.”

That’s pretty much my theory on the whole thing.  AND…with the crappy and dangerous stuff that I work with on a regular basis that haven’t killed me yet, I figure I’m pretty much immune to the normal bugs and flu stuff that floats around that the rest of ya’ll get.

I’ve known feral housewives…fun times!

I wonder if Mexicans ever say, “Let’s go to the White People’s Restaurant”?

When you’re okay with naked strangers dancing for children, but go apocalyptic when adults pray to God — You’re on the side of evil and we’re done pretending any different.

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version…it doesn’t listen to anything.

I wasn’t sure about this one at first, so I looked it up to be sure…and I was right in my assumption and now exact in my knowledge.  I figured the Jewish calendar was higher than the one we normally use and it is.  It is either the year 5783 or 5784 in the Jewish calendar.  That’s a lot more calories than 2023.

That is so sad.

This next one is another great, short essay from Friggin’ Pete.  I enjoy his writing.  And this one will not disappoint.

If you leave the gate open, the cow will wander off. 
So, if you intentionally leave the gate open, you want the cow to wander off.  You can’t blame stupidity or laziness. It was intentional.

If you cut police budgets, you will get more crime on the streets.  

If you cut back the supply of oil, gas prices will go up. 

If you print trillions of dollars without increasing the supply of goods, inflation will hit hard.

If you leave the southern border wide open, you get more drug trafficking and human trafficking.  

If you shut down 40% of the supply of baby formula in February, you’ll get a huge shortage. 
When you KNOW a huge baby formula shortage is coming because of the FDAs actions, and you purposefully do nothing to prevent it, month after month, until the crisis finally hits hard, you INTENDED this crisis.

It is time to recognize the evil people behind that old man. 
They want crisis. They want chaos. They want riots. They want conflicts in your town. 

You can feel the quality of your life going down with the country.

These are not foolish or incompetent people who don’t know what they are doing, these are people who have purposely opened every gate on the farm because…..they want YOUR cows!!

Very well said my friend.  And we try very hard to try and convince you to keep a close eye on your cows, and point out where the evil people are.  And the next letter (the one I told you about) I found out isn’t really a letter.  It was sent to me as a letter, but is really an article from a website called ACT For Canada.  And it dovetails quite nicely with Pete’s essay above, although MUCH darker and MUCH deeper.  But, we’ll get to that in a moment.  Let’s do a couple more of these first…

Okay, since it is an article, I’m going to give you the link https://www.actforcanada.ca/l/return-of-the-knights-templar-usa/ to said article so you can go and check it out for yourself.  I’m going to leave it up here in it’s entirety  and put some comments of my own in blue.  Again, I’d really like to know your opinion.

Return of the Knights Templar USA

By: Theodore Wilson

September, 14, 2023 

Throughout the years, tales about the Knights Templar have provoked intrigue and fascination about this medieval order. Some people believe that when King Philip of France resolved to destroy them, the Knights Templar went underground and still exists today.

Indeed, such a body has risen to power this millennium and presents the same stature and power of dominant control over the world. The factual origin of the Knights Templar, their financial impact and wealth, and the institutions they founded mirror the present World Economic Forum.

After the First Crusade (1096-99), Hugues de Payens, a knight, and Bernard of Clairvaux, an abbot, both from Troyes, France, created a religious military order called the Poor Fellow-Soldiers of Christ and the Temple of Solomon (1118), better known as the Knights Templar. Under the Papal Bull issued by Pope Innocent II, they were exempt from taxes, could own their oratories, and were subject only to the Pope.

The Knights Templar, known as brave and fearlessly skilled warriors, selfishly took advantage of their independence from royalty and used their position to accumulate an immense amount of wealth. Templars created the banking system and became the primary lending institution of Europe for monarchs, nobles, and bourgeoisie merchants

Their sphere of business consisted of the largest depository of money in the world and a vast network of property, and they ran the accountancy and auditing processes of the French government. The vastness of their wealth equated to power, and they were in control over the world.

By the beginning of the Fourteenth Century, the economic plight of the monarchy and nobles who were heavily in debt made them realize that they were being held servants to the Knights Templar. (Like the rest of us being held captive to the ones who hold the wealth)

King Philip IV of France resolved to re-establish the sovereignty of the monarchies, and arrested the Templars in Paris, including Jacques de Molay (1307). Gradually, over seven years, the Knights Templars were arrested all over Europe. Many were tortured, executed, or signed confessions of corruption and were banished. King Philip and King Edward II of England seized most of their wealth.

Today, elite billionaires have formed a society modeled after the Knight Templars of the past, and they call themselves the World Economic Forum. They meet secretly in Dabos, Switzerland under the platform of global warming.  (I don’t understand the global warming.  Anybody with an ounce of brains in their head knows what a farce that is, but yet so many people are charging forward with the STUPID electric vehicles, no gas stoves or appliances and the latest nonsense to redesign ceiling fans?  Are you kidding me?  Are you people actually that moronic?  Global warming IS NOT SCIENCE!  It’s control.)

The WEF has carefully orchestrated events, and the accomplishments of these modern Templars have become a shock of reality, they are taking control of the world.

The power structure of the World Economic Forum billionaires hinges on the swift hand of the bankers and financial institutions in the United States, including Black Rock and Morgan Stanley Capital International’s (MSCI), who formed what has become known as the ESG, an abbreviation for environmental, social, and corporate governance.

The power of the ESG clutches the entire world under the auspices of the United Nations and implements the environmental and socioeconomic policies that are dictated by the World Economic Forum and ESG. They control governments, corporations, and educational institutions to socially engineer the racial antagonism of the Woke movement, and LGNNTQ+, among others.  (It’s all evil.)

Evidence indicates that the wealth of Black Rock Inc. exceeds 30 percent of the world’s money, and assets up to about 55 trillion dollars. The wealth of the Templars behind this corporation has become greater and more powerful than almost every country in the world.  (If I remember correctly, the United States is 30 Trillion dollars in debt and these guys control about a third of the wealth in the world at 55 trillion…so that means that our debt equals about what?  20% of the world’s wealth?!?!)

That they have cornered the world economic markets, and taken control of national and local governments, exemplifies the power and capabilities of the Knight Templars, and soars beyond the imagination of average citizens. They are real and evil, following the path of fascism that leads to the doorstep of China and the Communist Party.

The ESG has launched a war against the American People in the dark shadows much like the Ho Chi Minh Trail that burrowed underground in Vietnam. You can’t see them and don’t realize that they exist, but they are there, working diligently to overthrow the United States government.

Hidden from conscious reflection are citizens who have experienced the repercussions of the woke movement. They have witnessed how the learning environment in schools has been kidnapped by the liberals in the Blue States. The hard-handed might of the ESG policies has unveiled the revelation that parents no longer have rights over their children in public schools.  (Yeah!  Read this article to scare the heck out of you! https://www.americanthinker.com/blog/2023/09/cps_sicced_on_a_dad_after_his_daughter_came_home_from_school_with_antidepressants_.html)

Why? They are shrewd and well indoctrinated in the principles unveiled in Das Kapital, Karl Marx’s seminal work that describes “how it is to be done.” To achieve their goal, they begin by alienating and radicalizing the American youth against traditional family values, and good character, and then the destruction of a nation’s culture.

Fascism relies on public opinion to accomplish its goals. Initially, they ignite a fire by creating demonstrations and riots, like those we witnessed before Biden was elected in 2020. Their platform goes against the grain, people reject it, but they must be convinced to submit to the takeover by new principles of life as apostles of human compassion to destroy the old society.  (You didn’t think that all those BLM riots were accidents, did you?  Why no one was ever really prosecuted?  All the MSM said that it was just mild protesting?)

How can they do this? Simply by creating self-guilt and contempt for the system. Re-write history, and paint a horrible picture of society and the plight of the economic poor. By placing the guilt of the past on the shoulders of the present, people panic. Hence, we end up with the politically correct.

The population, in general, doesn’t immediately buy into this plot. People must be broken down mentally, programmed, and engineered socially. This carefully orchestrated platform has been implemented. It appears in every community and home in the nation that has televisions, computers, and a public school district. Conflicting views must be eliminated, and contrary speech and views must be out of sight and sound.

Censorship destroys dialog contrary to their platform. Large corporations are graded and then punished if they don’t meet the standards established by the ESG. The disturbing reality can be seen in Black Rock Inc., a United States company that implements Michael Bloomberg’s ESG platform through the hard hand of CEO Larry Fink.

Examples of how the Templars use their wealth for power are plentiful. George Soros donated hundreds of millions of dollars in major election races across the United States. Soros, for example, financed the riots in the summer of 2020 and invested over 100 million in municipal district attorney races in Blue States across the country if they pledged to support the ESG policies.

Mark Zuckerburg donated six million to officials in Fulton County, Georgia in 2020 to increase the number of Biden voters. Donations by Bill Gates to liberal candidates amounted to hundreds of millions of dollars dedicated to closing coal mines, reducing farming, eliminating gasoline engines, increasing abortions, and strengthening the LGBTIOA movement.

Black Rock (ESG) needed ultimate power. They financed a mentally disabled old politician who desperately wanted to be president. They now control the White House and masquerade as the Biden Administration. These Templars have orchestrated the liberal political agenda. With the aid of the FBI and the Justice Department, the Democrats have attacked Conservative politicians, often using excessive force to set an example to any conservative who resists the Biden Administration.

The television networks are owned by these billionaires, and they propagate the ESG agenda into the minds of disconnected citizens who no longer question or seek the facts. Both liberals and conservatives have been sucked into the World Economic Forum’s platform through the bombardment of algorisms and affirmations every time they turn on their computers and televisions for a daily dose of brainwashing.

Herein lies the reason for the Knights Templars’ need to employ censorship. They cannot win by revealing all the facts and must avoid all consequential discussions about issues to prevent people from awareness of the secrets in the dark shadows. The ESG confines information to affirmations about their political platform and omits the very truths that lead to an essential conversation.

The Knights Templar under the genius of master billionaires, including George Soros, Larry Fink, Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and Mike Bloomberg, are building a one-world government whose economics will be controlled by a single corporation under their control. Humanity will form a perfectly homogeneous society under their design.

Contradictory echoes continue to surface daily in the form of new testimony about the past 3 years. George Soros spent millions of dollars planning and carrying out the riots in the United States in the summer of 2020 before the national elections.

When a large number of witnesses to election irregularities and distortion of results spoke out, many Americans were outraged. They spoke out loudly about what they saw and demanded answers. Donald Trump didn’t convince Americans to drop everything and go to Washington. They went there on their own cognizance in opposition to what they believed was a rigged election. The FBI, loyal to Obama and the World Economic Forum movement, and Washington D.C. authorities, seized the moment to destroy conservative unification. 

The Democrats surrounded the capital with a wire fence to symbolize that all Trump voters were rebels. They suspended the Constitutions to arrest and punish an exaggerated number of participants to justify the deaths of several demonstrators who lost their lives at the local authorities. A committee in Chicago was created to finance called “Stop Republicans,” and it served as a pipeline for the billionaires to funnel money for the future destruction of Trump and his supporters.

The COVID-19 epidemic itself falls off the scale of belief of Americans just as the assassination of John F. Kennedy. The uncertainties keep us scratching our heads. Important facts help paint a picture.  The virus was man-made with tax dollars from the United States.  Members of the World Economic Forum profited immensely. Dr. Anthony Fauci, who held part ownership rights to the production of the vaccine, participated in the project to create the virus.  (No kidding)

Again, censorship played a main role. If you chose not to be vaccinated, you were labeled as the cause of the virus’ spread. Ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine were taken off the market, not because they weren’t approved for medical use for humans, they had been approved. The Templars proved they could control the world.

Fauci didn’t want people to know it was ineffective. As a result, the vaccine caused countless deaths and today people are still falling victim to serious medical complications because they were vaccinated.

The cards are face up on the table. The Knights Templar of the 21^st. Century exists.  They are evil. The number of conservative politicians, scientists, and personnel in the medical field whose lives and careers have been intentionally destroyed by the ESG during the epidemic are dwarfed by the casualties of COVID-19, and they provide testimony to ESG power.

The success of the ESG provides the perfect leverage for the World Economic Forum to take permanent control of everyone in the United States. Trump’s imprisonment will be an object lesson to all conservative individuals who surface as a leader who attempts to unite all conservatives in a movement against the Knights Templar. The Justice Department has become a weapon that can be used against all conservative Americans who choose to resist the Democratic Party’s platform.  (Which again is why I ask you guys, who do we have out there who can stand up on the Conservative side?)

John Eastman, one of Trump’s attorneys was asked by authorities in Atlanta, Georgia if he believed the election of 2020 was stolen. “Absolutely,” Eastman answered, “I still believe that it was stolen.” Eastman was arraigned, arrested, and taken to jail.  Anticipate the comic punchline of what it would be like if every American who believed that the election of 2020 was highjacked surrendered to the District Attorneys in the Blue States who are prosecuting Republicans. The courts will be stacked up for years while Americans wait for trial to stand up for their belief in freedom of expression.

To many, the contents of this article will appear “far out,” too difficult to believe or wrap around the mind. Readers who recognize that it makes sense, most likely will become fearful and ask themselves, “What can I do?” If the WEF and ESG are to be stopped, ask questions, get informed, and get involved in the election of a new president and congress in 2024.  (Can we?  Can we get an honest election in 2024?)

The meek remain compliant and they accept whatever pseudo-authoritative information fed to them by the ESG’s bull media. Questions or civil disobedience are not their forte. The silence of these citizens increases the credibility of the World Economic Forum and aids in strengthening the Knights Templars of the Twelfth Century. 

However, the World Economic Forum can be derailed. The longer traditional Americans wait, the less likely that the Knights Templar will be stopped.  Democrat, Republican, and independent leaders must unite. They must work together in Congress to break up corporate monopolies as they did during the Populist movement at the end of the Nineteenth Century, and they must restore equal opportunity in the capitalist economy.

Those who witnessed the first Republican debate for the 2024 election were thrilled at the number of candidates who are ready to battle the World Economic Forum. Only one will win the nomination, and in the end, the other candidates must support the leader if we are going to stop fascism.  A united conservative front will provide an infirming indication that Americans will not stand idle if they watch the ballot boxes being stuffed and are then accused of being liars.

The Republican Party needs to create its own political issue committee as the Democrats did in 2020, not ugly and hateful, but to educate uninformed conservatives about the platform of the World Economic Forum and the ESG. There needs to be a mechanism in place to label and evaluate all corporations controlled by the Knights Templar. These companies should be listed, and available to the public, and as Americans, we can work together to fight the advancement of fascism and the prejudice of the woke movement.

I don’t know…after reading all that and going over it, my head hurts.  What do you guys think?  Truly, I want to know.  I know that’s a bit heavier than the stuff we normally talk about here at Dragon Laffs, and we’ll get back to the fun stuff, I promise.  But just for a couple of minutes, let’s be grown ups.  Write back to me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com or impishdragon@gmail.com and let me know what you think.

 

Yeah, which one makes more sense to you?

Alright, I’ve had enough, back to the laughter…

I always get confused with the differences between elves, fairies, sprites, pixies, etc.  I guess I just don’t understand the gnomenclature.  

I was happily watching the Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra when the guy on triangle disappeared. 

What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?

Artificial Swedener

That’s actually a pretty valid hypothesis.  

Fact Of The Day:

The World’s First Animated Film

in 1917, Argentina released the world’s first animated feature film.  “El Apostol,” a political satire had a running time of 70 minutes.  According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the film was made up of 58,000 drawings.

Fact Of The Day:

Trained By The CIA

During the filming of The Grinch (released in 2000), Jim Carrey was trained by the CIA.  While making this movie, Carrey was put through “torture-endurance training” to help him go through the make-up process, which could take up to 8 hours to complete.  [Side Note:  Carrey also credited the soothing sounds of The Bee Gees as a big help during this make-up ordeal.]

Sometimes I stare at my husband when he isn’t looking and I think to myself…
Wow… He is one lucky son of a gun.

I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think of was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”

EGO

is just a small three letter word, which can destroy a big twelve letter word called

RELATIONSHIP.

Wife:  I’m terribly sick.  Could you please call the vet? 

Husband:  Uhm, shouldn’t I be calling the doctor instead? 

Wife:  Listen…I work like a horse, live like a dog, share a house with a gang of monkeys, and sleep with an old pig.  So please call the vet…

And that, my dear friends and fellow campers, brings us to the end of another adventure.  I certainly hope you enjoyed this issue.  And I hope I get a chance to entertain you again.  May our dear gracious Father in Heaven Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

You’ll notice the header above.  It’s a special one.  In my files it’s called Header2.  Now, that doesn’t mean it’s the 2nd header ever, it just means that it’s the second header I saved, but it does go all the way back to 2007.  And the reason I choose that one for today, is because tomorrow, Sunday, would have been Lethal Leprechaun’s Birthday.  And I just wanted to take a moment to say how much I still miss him and how I look forward to seeing him again some day and I know that will happen because, even as much of cuss as he was, I know that all Marines end up in Heaven.  He was my brother from a different mother.  Semper Fi! 

I’m actually writing this on Monday and I missed this in Monday’s episode, so I’m going to catch it now, today, September 18, 2023 is the US Air Force’s 76th Birthday!  Woo Hoo!!!!!

Not near as old as an ancient dragon, but still, not bad…not bad at all.

Aaaannnddd…while I’m making announcements, I’d like to go ahead and thank 

Lona T.          Michael C.          And an anonymous donor…Donor X

I like that, that’s perfect.  Donor X.  Thank you very much for the lovely card and letter.  They were deeply appreciated.  All your donations are deeply appreciated because I know they are heartfelt.  It’s nice to feel like all of us campers are part of this whole thing, with contributions and submissions and I get the benefits of putting it all together and being able to express my opinions and pick and choose what goes in and what doesn’t.  Thank you all for all that you do to help with this endeavor.  

Now it’s time to get this wagon train moving down the highway.  Let’s get some laughter started and see where the rest of the stuff leads us, shall we?

Sitting in an airport restaurant listening to a young couple FaceTime with their baby and his grandparents.  It’s so adorable and they are obviously having serious separation anxiety on their trip.  They are cooing and gushing and exclaiming “Well look at YOU, big boy!  So big!  So handsome!  Are you being so good for Nana???”  Then one million questions for Nana about how the feeding and pooping are going, and a reminder about favorite blankies and toys.  They ask to say goodbye to baby one last time, and they nearly collapse with joy when he’s back on the screen.  “Mommy and Daddy love you!  You are the best boy!!  We’re coming home so soon!”

I’m literally crying into my latte because it’s so precious and I turn around to try and get a sneak peek at the baby on their FaceTime video.

It’s a yellow lab.

Whenever I tell someone where I live and they say, “OMG, that’s so far” I’m like calm down, I’m not inviting you over.

Boy in the pub was telling me his job is every time a plan fly’s over Edinburgh Zoo the penguins can’t take their eyes off it and end up falling over and he just goes round picking them back up…38 penguins 2000 flights a day.

I gotta wonder if I can use the same excuse…I don’t work here.

I always get invited to the parties because it’s so easy for me to light the barbeques and the bonfires and such.

I may have started this issue on Saturday, but now it’s Friday, almost a week later, and this is as far as I’ve gotten in that amount of time.  That should tell you how busy my week has been.  And I guess that’s not that unusual, which is why I normally try to get as much done on these issues over the weekend.  With dart league on Tuesday night, Jail ministry on Wednesday night, Living Free ministry on Thursday night, Men’s breakfast one Saturday morning a month, Church every Sunday morning, of course work Monday thru Friday and then the Primary UTA once a month which is a Saturday and a Sunday and then the Alternate UTA once a month which is a Saturday.  And I bet I can guess what your primary question is:  I know…it’s “Impish, how do you maintain such a sunny disposition?”

NO IT’S NOT!

It’s “Impish, when do you sleep?!?!”  Well, I’m not really sure.  I know I do sleep.  It’s in there somewhere.  I know that at least one of our campers is worried about me getting enough sleep.  I’m going to have to retire, just so that I have more time to get other stuff done.

I did want to share a couple of comments with you guys.  

Okay Sammye, I’m pretty sure this is the one you’re talking about:

So let’s see if this helps…

And you guys remember I asked about who you thought we should be looking at for president and I got one response

Okay, that joke may be old.  But I included it because the third panel makes it worthwhile.

PROFESSIONS DEFINED 

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant. 

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.  

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand. 

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there. (Charles R. Darwin) 

A topologist is a man who doesn’t know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut. 

A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000-word document and calls it a “brief.” (Franz Kafka) 

A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. 

A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep. 

A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children. 

A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time. 

I got this from Chris on the 19th which would have been last Tuesday and he says that I bet you didn’t know…

today is Talk Like a Pirate Day

https://www.wikiwand.com/en/International_Talk_Like_a_Pirate_Day 

so some jokes

Why did the pirate cross the road? To get to the second hand store.

A dermatologist examined a pirate. The doctor said, “Don’t worry, those spots are benign.” The pirate replied, “No, Doc. I counted them. There be eleven!”

What do you call a pirate with two hands and two legs? Rookie.

What did the pirate get on his report card? 7 C’s.

Favorite restaurant: Aaaar-by’s.

Least favorite vegetable: leeks.

Most feared medical condition:  aaaar-thritis.

Favorite subject: aaaar-t.

How to save a dying pirate:  CPRrrrrrrr.

Favorite exercise: planking.

Favorite seafood: swordfish.

Favorite Halloween costume: a pumpkin patch.

And no sir, you were quite right…I didn’t know.

“The Post Office is two blocks down on the right!”
Yes, it’s that joke and it’s old.

I do want to take this opportunity to thank even more people for their most generous donations to the annual bill payments.  You guys are awesome and very generous.  Thank you so very much.  To get us caught up, I wish to thank:

Michael C.     Jonathon J. (again!)     Joseph P. (it’s not overdue brother!)     Marian M.

Every time I think I’m done thanking people for the year, a couple more people throw some more money in the pot.  You guys are awesome!  Bless you all!!

I have to share this with you guys.  So Izzy and I had doctors appointments this afternoon and then I took her shopping.  So while she’s in the store and I’m waiting out in the car reading, my phone rings and it says it’s from the Miami County Sheriff’s Office.  So, the first thing I think is that there is something wrong with our Jail ministry or the Jail Commander answering my question on getting Bibles to the guys in our class or something like that.  So I answer the phone and they ask for me by name and I say yes, this is me and I recognize the voice.  It’s a friend of mine, but she is being awfully formal and I know she recognizes my voice, too.  So, I’m starting to think, what in the world is going on? 

She says, “I’m calling to inform you…”

My mind immediately goes to … someone is dead or they have a warrant out for my arrest and would I please come in peacefully?  Now, I know in the LOGICAL part of my brain, that if either one of those things were actually to happen, they would have probably sent someone by the house to tell me, except I wasn’t AT my house.  I was AT the doctor’s office and AT the store and maybe they DID try to send somebody by the house and found OUT that I wasn’t AT my house and this is their DESPERATE attempt to try and get a hold of me.

And also keep in mind that all of this is going on in the microsecond between the word “you” and the next word to come out of her mouth, which we’re all guessing is going to be “that”.  That is the way the anxiety filled, paranoid driven, NOT GOD SAVED mind works.  So I had an extraordinarily fast, very long talk with myself and said, “HEY SELF!  YOU KNOW BETTER!!  You don’t get all anxiety filled, paranoid driven, because you ARE GOD SAVED, now knock it off, take a breath, and listen to what comes after the word, “that”…

“…that you are being called for Jury Duty and you have to report … ”  

You remember the sounds that the adults made on the Peanuts cartoons?  The wha, wha, wha, sound?  Yeah, that’s about all I got out of the rest of that.  Other than she said I would get an official letter in the mail with the details and I think I heard October 5th and 8 am.

But that is pretty cool.  I’ve always wanted to be part of the trial system and be a juror.  I’ve never done it before.  I’m going to be 65 years old and it’s something that’s never happened in my life time.  But thinking about it.  I wonder what happens if it involves one of the men I’ve been ministering to?  I hope not, because I’d probably have to recuse myself.  But I certainly learned some interesting lessons about myself today, that’s for sure.

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther,

“Ya know, I reckon I’m ’bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I’m gonna do it a little different! The last few years, I took your advice about where to go…

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Becky Sue got pregnant…

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas. I went to the Bahamas and Becky Sue got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti. I went to Tahiti and darned if Becky Sue didn’t get pregnant again.”

Luther asks Billy Bob, “So, what you gonna do this year that’s different?”

Billy Bob says, “This year I’m taking Becky Sue with me.”

Okay, in case you didn’t get it, it was to be or not to be. (Bee, Bee, Ore, Knot, Bee, Bee)

It’s bloody awful when I have to explain these things to you.

And why does that statistic (made up or otherwise) not surprise me one single bit?

Pete, a very proper man started going into the neighborhood chemist every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms. 

Week after week, he would come in with the same order. 

One day, the pharamist, Jim felt he had to say something to Pete. “Wow!  You must have the stamina of a bull.  Talk about getting lucky!  How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?” 

Pete looked at him in disgust and said, “I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!” 

So, Jim asked, “Then what do you do with all those condoms?” 

Pete answered, “I feed them to my poodle.  This way when she goes to the bathroom, she poops in little plastic baggies.” 

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.

– Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer:

“As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say ‘$175…’ If he doesn’t blink, say, ‘For the frames.

The lenses will be an additional $100…’ If he still doesn’t blink, you add ‘…Each.'”

Okay, by a show of hands, how many of you actually GOT that joke?

Uh huh.  That’s about what I figured.

So, for the rest of your’s edification…

Just FYI … released December 31, 1984.  Thirty-eight years old.

It’s not the guns…
It’s the little butt-holes you raised with no conscience, no morals, no control, no biblical values, and no common sense!  It’s your fault.  Not the guns.

That is the truth!  And who is behind Obama?  I have a letter that I’m going to share with you and I’d love to hear your opinion on it.  It was sent to me by a reader, and I’m not going to mention any names.  It is a very deep and dark conspiracy theory.  I really do want to hear your opinion.  Although, if Dragon Laffs gets pulled off the internet, you’ll know why.  Although, maybe I should put that warning up there this week and then show you the letter in the next episode so you know.  In fact, let’s do that.  I’m formally putting out there in the ether, that if Dragon Laffs suddenly disappears, enough of you have my address and phone number that you can reach out to me.  And next episode I will share with you a letter that was shared with me.

A man is just about to get a CD out of a cabinet when the phone in the kitchen rings.

“Hello,” says the man answering it.

“Hi,” says a high woman’s voice. “This is Tiffany the housekeeper.”

“Oh,” says the man. “Hi Tiffany.”

“Hi, Mr. Birschman. Sorry to call so late. I figured you’d be back later, so I planned to leave a message. You see, I had a problem when I was cleaning the bedroom.”

“What sort of a problem?”

“Well, when I was trying to make your bed, your envelope of emergency money, you know, the one you keep under the mattress, it fell out.”

“Well, what’s the problem, Tiffany?”

“Well, I wasn’t sure just where to put it back, so I just put it under the bottom left corner. Is that okay?”

“Yes. Thank you for telling me that, Tiffany. I appreciate it.”

“Oh, also, when I was vacuuming the living room, I found that diamond ring you’ve been missing.”

“That’s wonderful, Tiffany! By the way, where did you put it?”

“In the jewelry box on the dresser, of course!”

“And how did you lock it?”

“First I turned the key to the right, then I pulled it out and tried the top to make sure it was locked,” says the housekeeper, revealing how well she remembered his instructions.

“Good! And where did you put the key?”

“In the top right cabinet in the kitchen, under the good china.”

“Fantastic!” says the man, impressed.

“Oh, and I took the courtesy of wrapping the keys to the Porsche in that adorable little box. I know your wife is going to be so surprised.”

“Stupendous. Thank you so much, Tiffany. You are really a great housekeeper.”

“Thank you, Mr. Birschman, and have a nice night.”

“You too, Tiffany. Good night.”

The man hangs up the phone, turns to his buddy, and says with a grin, “This is going to be the easiest robbery ever!”

That kid deserves an A+

Eric is sitting at the bar staring morosely into his beer. Tom walks in and sits down. After trying to start a conversation several times and getting only distracted grunts he asks Eric what the problem is.

“Well,” said Eric, “I ran afoul of one of those women’s questions women ask. Now Im in deep shit at home.”

“What kind of question?, asked Tom.

“My wife asked me if I would still love her if when she was old, fat and ugly.”

“That’s easy,” said Tom. “You just say ‘Of course I will'”.

“Yeah”, said Eric, “That’s what I did, except I said ‘Of course I DO….'”

It was an extremely rough English Channel crossing from Weymouth to Jersey, and one wretched green-faced passenger was hugging the rail when a steward approached him.

Lunch, sir? asked the tactless steward.

No, thanks, groaned the passenger. Just throw it overboard and save me the trouble

That is actually quite perfect!

A young man drove his mini-bike in to a gas station and dismounted.

“I’ll need about a pint of gas,” he said to the attendant, “and a few ounces of oil for the motor.”

“Certainly sir,” the attendant said,  “and would you also like me to cough into your tires?”

Our church was saddened to learn this week of the death of one of our most valued members, Someone Else.

Someone’s passing creates a vacancy that will be difficult to fill. Else has been with us for many years and for every one of those years, Someone did far more than a normal person’s share of the work. 

Whenever there was a job to do, a class to teach, or a meeting to attend, one name was on everyone’s list, “Let Someone Else do it.”

Whenever leadership was mentioned, this wonderful person was looked to for inspiration as well as results; “Someone Else can work with that group.”

It was common knowledge that Someone Else was among the most liberal givers in our church. Whenever there was a financial need, everyone just assumed Someone Else would make up the difference. Someone Else was a wonderful person; sometimes appearing superhuman. Were the truth known, everybody expected too much of Someone Else.

Now Someone Else is gone!

We wonder what we are going to do. Someone Else left a wonderful example to follow, but who is going to follow it?

Who is going to do the things Someone Else did?

When you are asked to help this year, remember — we can’t depend on Someone Else anymore.

Sadly, there are far too many organizations where this is the case.

I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I couldn’t BELIEVE it when she asked if I’d like to meet up and maybe rekindle a little of that magic.

“Wow!” I said “I don’t know if I could keep pace with you now! I’m a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!”

She giggled and said she was sure I’d meet the challenge.

“Yeah,” I said, “Just so long as you don’t mind a man with a waistband that’s a few inches wider these days!”

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying she thought tubby bald men were cute.

“Anyway”, she said, “I’ve put on a couple of pounds myself!”

So I hung up…

And THAT, is just like most people

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a considerable amount of whisky at a local pub.

As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.

As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly.

They saw him, and one said, `I`ve always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt.`

She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.

Her friend said, `Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!`

So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around his manhood, and the two walked away.

Some time later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve himself.

He raised his kilt… and saw where the blue ribbon was tied.

After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said, `I don know where y`been lad…but it`s nice ta`know y`won first prize!`

Insurance Claims

Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don’t have. 

The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intention. 

I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it. 

I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. 

A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. 

The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him. 

I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother in law and headed over the embankment. 

In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. 

I had been shopping for a plant all day and was on my way home. As I reached an inter-section a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. 

I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. 

I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident and damage my big end. 

As I approached the intersection a sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. 

To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian. 

My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle. 

An invisible car came out of nowhere, stuck my car and vanished. 

I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull. 

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. 

The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run. So I ran over him. 

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car. 

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. 

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows. 

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out the way when I struck the front end. 

The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.

I knocked over a man, he admitted it was his fault as he’d been knocked over before. 

Rosey and Shirley had been out of touch for years until they met at the mall one day.

Rosey said, “Shirley, it’s been so long. I heard you got married.”

“Yes,” said Shirley, “I married a lawyer, and an honest man, too.”

“Hmmm,” said Rosey, “isn’t that bigamy?”

Why yes Rosey, I believe that is.

And with that horrible pun we will be calling this one complete!  Thank you all for your kind attention, your wonderful contributions, your generous donations and mostly your blessed friendship.  Until we meet again, may Good Bless you with Love and Happiness and remember…

How are you guys doing this Thursday morning?  I’m starting this issue from the vantage point of Sunday afternoon.  I know that doesn’t seem like much of a vantage point, but hear me out. 
It’s a beautiful day. 
It’s 68° outside right now.
I got to sleep in this morning.
Went to Church first thing this morning.
When I got home from Church there were 3 police cars across the street at the crazy neighbors house, so maybe they’re getting some help.
Football is on TV, for free, on the internet (streameast.to)
I have all afternoon and most of the evening to spend with you guys.

Now, not everything is going good for everybody.  My dear little left-wing, socialist, democrat daughter threw Trump at me just a minute ago and reading an article about how he gave a speech and getting A LOT of the details wrong.  Like Biden bringing about World War two, him going against Obama and other glaring mistakes.  And then she made the observation that he is only 3 years younger than Biden.  And like I told her, Trump is really not the best guy to run the country on the republican side either.  The problem is, the best guy, in this Dragon’s opinion, hasn’t shown himself yet.  I’m not crazy about any of the Republican candidates that have put their hats in the ring.  What do you guys think?  Who do you like?  I’d really like to know who and why.  I need someone I can throw back at Izzy Dragon.  LOL! 

Okay, well, we’ll talk more later.  In the mean time, let’s get to laughing, shall we?  Right now my Packers are ahead of the Falcons 17-9.  I really don’t think it’s going to stay that way.  The Falcons have been running all over them for the whole game, but we’ll see.  So for now, …

Burglars are getting very clever these days.  Last night, my wife woke me up, “Darling, darling!  There’s a burglar downstairs!” 

So I go down, check every room and don’t find anyone.

Then I realized I don’t have a wife, and when I went back upstairs my bed and TV were gone.

DEATH
WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN IT…

A sick man turned to his doctor as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, “Doctor, I am afraid to die.  Tell me what lies on the other side.”

Very quietly, the doctor said, “I don’t know…”

“You don’t know?  You’re a Christian Man, and you don’t know what’s on the other side?  How is that possible?”

The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came the sound of scratching and whining.  As he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness.

Turning to the patient, the doctor said, “Did you notice my dog?  He’s never been in this room before.  He didn’t know what was inside…what was on the other side of the door.  He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear.  I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing…I know my Master is there and that is enough.”

Whoever you are who wrote that, it is beautifully said.  Definitely falls into the category of things I wish I had wrote.

TODAY’S GOOD ADVICE TIP:

Don’t play “LEAPFROG” with a unicorn!

Another one of my (many) baby pictures.

Everyone knows about famous painter Bob Ross, but few have heard about his brother Albert who was famous for his 6 foot wingspan.

I LIKE them!!!

Summer is fun because instead of my kids having to wake up at 6 am to rush around and get ready for school, they wake up at 6 am and get to have the whole entire day to fight.

I just discovered that the word “nothing” is a palindrome…
Backwards it spells “gnihton”, which also means nothing.

And is the ONLY climate or climb it change that makes any kind of sense!

Rumor has it, this is a pencil sketch of our own Stephanie.  I can neither confirm nor deny…

A blonde gets a job as a physical education teacher of 16 year olds.
She notices a boy at the end of the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun kicking a ball.  She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
“You okay?” she says.
“Yes.” he says.
“You can go and play with the other kids you know.” she says.
“It’s best I stay here.” he says.
“Why’s that, sweetie?” asks the blonde.
The boy looks at her incredulously and says, … “Because I’m the Goalie!”

I used to work at a photography studio.  I’m not a photographer, but I know some basics.  Photographer guy, probably in his 50s, tells me the equipment he rented isn’t working and he is ranting on about how he has wasted 25 minutes of his rental time because his camera wasn’t syncing to the lighting equipment.  All in front of his poor clients.  Best moment of my life–as he was cursing me out I walked over and wordlessly plugged it in.  Never seen a grown man turn so red.

Amen ladies!!

My army friend was put in his place when he lost to him mom at the shooting range at the carnival.

I was flying alone and this little girl (maybe 5) wandered down the aisle and said hello.

I asked where her parents were and she said they died and a police officer ws flying with her to take her to her aunt.  My brain was not able to conjure any response at all apart from “errr…sorry.” 

She asked if she could look out my window so I moved over to the aisle seat and let her, me continuously looking for a cop that she might be travelling with. 

She then told me how her parents were driving back from a party last week and their car got pushed off the road by a truck into a tree.  She was quietly crying while telling me this story.  Suddenly I hear, “Oh, there you are.” from the aisle.  There’s a woman standing there.

The girl says, “Hello Mommy,” and leaves with her.

This girl is going to make a GREAT fiction writer some day!

I’ve already given the correct answer to the “Climate Change” question.

A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.

He went over there and asked them why they guard it.

“We don’t know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!”

He searched for the last commander’s phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards on this particular bench.

“I don’t know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition.”

Going back another 3 commanders, he found a 100-year-old retired General.

“Excuse me, sir. I’m now the CO of the camp you commanded 60 years ago. I’ve found 2 men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me more about the bench?”

“The bench? What? ! Is the paint still wet?!”

How do fish get high?

Seaweed!!

I think it’s a great idea…if it works!

Or books in School libraries that can’t be read or shown at a School Board Meeting or on the TV News.

Especially for the crime of Treason…like giving money to our enemy or taking bribes from our enemy or NOT protecting our borders from invaders, you know, those TREASONOUS acts that for any other country would be punishable with the above device!

No kidding.  The REAL law-abiding citizens have probably moved away or don’t participate in that Gun Free-zone.  And the partial law-abiding citizens have probably ignored those signs to protect themselves from the criminals who have ignored those signs.

I have no idea if that is a true fact or a made up fact, but it’s not the first time I’ve read or heard something very similar.  So, maybe not exact, but close.  And banning democrats makes more sense than banning guns.

What’s that song?  Try that in a small town?  Yeah.

Yeah, don’t act like you were some angel.

AMEN!!!!  Why is it that you don’t value YOUR life more than I value my property??

This is the coolest thing I’ve ever done.  
When I was 15 years old, I was in my kitchen, home alone, cutting a pineapple.  
There was a fly that was buzzing around my face for two minutes and it was getting really annoying.  So, just for the heck of it and out of pure blind rage, I grabbed my blade and swung it at the fly in mid-air.
I sliced the fly in half. 
Sliced it in half!
After I did that, I immediately realized no one would ever believe me.

Hardest pill I ever swallowed was realizing I meant nothing to people that meant a lot to me.

I’m so old I remember multiplication was called “Times Tables”

When I was a kid we were forced to Google things with magical books called Encyclopedias.

And not only that, our parents really did drop us off at the skating rink with money, and leave.

I work at a country club, and there is this one lady who comes in every weekend for breakfast.  She sits there for hours until her husband and his friends are finished golfing.  She usually has some petty complaints about the food but a couple of weekends ago she had an especially weird one.  She called me over to complain that her omelet tasted like chloroform. 

I just want to know how she knows what that tastes like…

Air Conditioning is just Domesticated Wind!

Bars are strange places.  
It’s the only business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their product.

Yup…mine do that every time!  So now, I just grab them by the neck and shove it down their throat.

Fahrenheit is how people feel, Celsius is how water feels, and Calvin is how molecules feel.

Well, that’s it my friends.  It’s still Sunday.  I didn’t think I’d get it all done today, but I did.  May God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

As days turn into weeks turn into months, sometimes there are so many things going on that you forget things.  Things that you meant to do and to follow up on, to check on, but you forget.  They slip your mind.  Especially as you get older.  Am I getting old enough that I’m becoming forgetful?  Or is it that I’m just so busy, that I’m pushing myself so hard, that things are beginning to drop along the side?  I’m sitting here thinking that today is Friday and the last time I remember the television set being on…now, we don’t have cable any longer, so it hasn’t been on NEAR as much, but it’s still been on.  Internet, Prime, Netflix, that sort of stuff…but the last time I remember it being on, was last Sunday night when I watched the recording of  the church service from earlier in the day.

Which means I never even turned it on for noise this week.

Which means it is understandable why I forgot to check up on a buddy of mine who I told myself to check up on him.
And I didn’t.
And I feel bad about that.
I’ve let him down.

I almost feel like I need to start carrying a notebook around with me to keep notes.  Maybe I should, probably won’t read it though.

[And as a side note to brother Wheats, we’ll both go sailing in Heaven my friend.  The Earth will be changed back to perfection, we will be given perfect bodies, imagine what that will be like…perfection all around.]

And for the rest of you…Let’s move on to other things.  I must go to bed soon.  Even though it’s Friday night, I have to get up early and I was 3 hours late getting home from work today.  I want to get a couple of laffs in before I put this up for the night, so …

Let’s do some mail real quick…

You can’t do without your phone for the length of time it takes to get a haircut?  The human race is doomed!

This next one was sent in by our dear and special friend Stephanie.  And it is AWESOME!!

AUSTRALIA AND AUSTRALIANS

The following has been written by the late Douglas Adams of “Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy” fame.

“Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognisable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge into the girting sea.

Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology, but they still call it the “Great Australian Bight”, proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory but they can’t spell either.

The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other landmasses and sovereign lands are classified as continent, island or country, Australia is considered all three.

Typically, it is unique in this.

The second confusing thing about Australia is the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them.

Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on), under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else.

A stick is very useful for this task.

The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants.

A short history: Sometime around 40,000 years ago some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and a lot of them died.

The ones who survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man’s proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories.  They also discovered a stick that kept coming back.

Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north.

More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons), ate all their food, and a lot of them died.

About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since. It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal and litigate (marks of a civilised culture they say), whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert – equipped with a stick.

Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on ‘extended holiday’ and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside their boots every morning for fatal surprises. They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories. Be warned.

There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the world, although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders. However, watching

a beach sunset is worth the risk.

As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a sour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string and mud.

Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the ‘Grass is greener on the other side of the fence’ syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land “Oz” or “Godzone” (a verbal contraction of “God’s Own Country”). The irritating thing about this is… they may be right.

TIPS TO SURVIVING AUSTRALIA

Don’t ever put your hand down a hole for any reason – WHATSOEVER.

The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.

Always carry a stick.

Air-conditioning is imperative.

Do not attempt to use Australian slang unless you are a trained linguist and extremely good in a fist fight.

Wear thick socks.

Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby.

If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die. And don’t forget a stick.

Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.

HOW TO IDENTIFY AUSTRALIANS

They pronounce Melbourne as “Mel-bin”.

They think it makes perfect sense to decorate highways with large fibreglass bananas, prawns and sheep.

They think “Woolloomooloo” is a perfectly reasonable name for a place, that “Wagga Wagga” can be abbreviated to “Wagga”, but “Woy Woy” can’t be called “Woy”.

Their hamburgers will contain beetroot. Apparently it’s a must-have.

How else do you get a stain on your shirt?

They don’t think it’s summer until the steering wheel is too hot to handle.

They believe that all train timetables are works of fiction.

And they all carry a stick.. 😊 🇦🇺

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

-Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

I love that story.  I’m pretty sure I’ve run it before, but it’s so funny it’s worth running again.

“No, this is my toy!  And you can’t have it!”

A girl, who was not quite four years old, was alone in the house when the phone rang. She answered it and was told that Mr. Brown was calling.  “I’m sorry, no one is here. Can I take a message?” she said.

Mr. Brown replied, “Certainly.”

After a pause, Mr. Brown heard, “O.K., I’m ready. Who did you say this is?”

“Mr. Brown.”

“How do you spell Brown?”

“B-r-o-w-n.”

A long pause, and then, “How do you make a B?”

A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do a seven-day experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear and preach to it.

Seven days later, they’re all together to discuss the experience. Father O’Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first.

“Wellll,” he says, in a fine Irish brouge, “Ey wint oot into th’ wooods to fynd me a bearr. Oond when Ey fund him Ey began to rread to him from the Baltimorre Catechism. Welll, thet bearr wanted naught to do wi’ me und begun to slap me aboot. So I quick grrabbed me holy water and, THE SAINTS BE PRAISED, he became as gentle as a lamb. The bishop is cooming oot next wik to give him fierst communion und confierrmation.”

Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he proclaimed, “WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don’t sprinkle…WE DUNK! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to him from God’s HOOOOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. I SAY NO! He wanted NOTHING to do with me. So I took HOOOLD of him and we began to rassle. We rassled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we come to a crick. So I quick DUNK him and BAPTIZE his hairy soul. An’ jus like you sez, he wuz gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the week in fellowship, feasting on God’s HOOOOLY word.”

They both look down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV’s and monitors running in and out of him.

The rabbi looks up and says, “Oy! You don’t know what tough is until you try to circumcise one of those creatures.”

I had a leak in my roof over my dining room, so I called a roofer to take a look at it.

“When did you first notice the leak?” he asked.

I told him, “Last night, when it took me four hours to finish my soup!”

“Lady, Lady on the ball, Who’s the most perfect dragon of them all?”

Reaching into a pair of pants and finding money is a good feeling…

…until the person wearing the pants starts screaming at you.

I placed an Instacart grocery order today, and got a text that the store is out of the brand of hummus I ordered, so naturally they’re replacing it with Neutrogena nighttime face cream.

And how many of the younglings aren’t going to get that one?

People are waiting on God to heal the land when in reality God is waiting on the people to repent and turn from their wicked ways.

When you feel like you are drowning in Life, don’t worry about it — your lifeguard walks on water.

I NEVER CALLED YOU UGLY

All I said was:
“I bet you could Trick Or Treat over the telephone”

That’s awful!!!

“Stay away from negative people.  They have a problem for every solution.”

~ Albert Einstein

Absolutely.  Because “They” are the ones who are ON it.

WARNING:  Do NOT give Rice Krispies to young children!  I ate them as a youngster.  Now, when I stand up, I snap, crackle, and pop!

Between 1912 and 1948, the Olympics gave out medals for sculptures, painting, architecture, music, and literature in addition to sports competitions.

Little Boy:  Teacher are you…sleeping in class? 

Teacher:  No, I am not sleeping in class. 

Little Boy:  What were you doing, sir? 

Teacher:  I was talking to God.

The next day the naughty boy fell asleep in class and the same teacher walks up to him… 

Teacher:  Young man, are you sleeping in my class? 

Little Boy:  Not me sir, I am not sleeping. 

Angry Teacher:  What were you doing?? 

Little Boy:  I was talking to God. 

Angry Teacher:  What did he say?? 

Little Boy:  God said He never spoke to you yesterday.

I don’t know who needs to know this but, even if a bear wears socks and shoes he still has bear feet!

Okay, this is just…weird.  Stephanie brought up that it could’ve been the police who put that in the paper in an attempt to draw out the killer.  I can see that.  That’s pretty deep.  I’d LOVE to know how this one worked out.

If mediums can communicate with the dead imagine what a large could do!

Only in Florida…Nah!  I’m sure there’s people like that everywhere!

Okay, here’s some suggestions for Unsociable people:  Simply pop your coat on before answering your front door.  If it’s someone you don’t want to see, you can say you are on our way out.  In the unlikely event it’s someone you DO want to see, you can simply say you’ve just arrived home.

Nah!  It’s actually not as cool as the Monopoly thing.

A guy walks into an antique store and says, “What’s new?”

They kicked him out.

Experts:  A serving size of chips is 10 chips.

Actual Human Beings:  I eat 10 chips while standing in the pantry with the bag open, trying to decide if I want to eat chips or not.

No kidding.  Makes you want to say, “Hey, what’s going on Little Guy?  Are you alright?  What happened?  Who hurt you?” 

And with that thought in mind, it’s time to put this issue to bed.  At the last minute, I would like to add a thank you to:

William F.

Thank you for your generosity.  It is deeply appreciated.  Truly.  And another donation means I’ll bring up again that you have just a short while longer for me to bother you about making a donation to your favorite ezine.  And that’s all I’m going to say about that. 

So, until we meet again, may God Bless you with Love and Happiness and remember…

A lot of people I know are getting sick with the Election Variant of Covid.  It started a bit early.  But, it will probably give them a good excuse to start their mask mandates and their shot mandates and all the other controls they want to put into place.  

The thing is, I don’t think it’s going to work out for them this time like it did for them last time.  Even the sheep aren’t going to go along with the nonsense rules this time around.  Too many people learned too many different things that just weren’t true last time around.  

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

Anyway, While you’re reading this, I’m probably at a special event for the Substance Abuse Prevention Council of Miami County as a representative of Miami County Living Free.  Boy, that’s a lot of words in a row.  We’ll have a table/booth set up there and pass out pamphlets and try to help some people with life controlling problems.

I wish they could all be helped with laughter…sometimes it goes beyond that.  But, for us, let’s get our fix going.

Two elderly ladies meet at the launderette after not seeing one another for some time. 

After inquiring about each other’s health one asked how the other’s husband was doing. 

“Oh! Ted died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch!” 

“Oh dear! I’m very sorry.” replied her friend “What did you do?” 

“Opened a can of peas instead.” 

We are now in for a plethora of Dilbert!! 

I was commuting from the Borough of Queens to my job in Manhattan. I’d finished reading the morning paper and was saving it to bring to friends on the job.

How do you save a newspaper on the subway? You sit on it.

A new commuter came in, saw the newspaper under my rear end and asked the second most stupid question I’ve ever heard, “Are you reading that paper?”

I stood up, turned the page, sat right back down on the paper and answered, “Yes.”

Computer Literacy

So you think you’re computer-illiterate?

Check out the following excerpts from a Wall Street Journal article — this from some years back when CD-ROM drives were standard. But since “You can’t fix stupid,” this still applies today.

1. Compaq is considering changing the command “Press Any Key” to “Press Return Key” because of the flood of calls asking where the “Any” key is.

2. AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic bag the mouse was packaged in.

3. Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that the system wouldn’t read word processing files from his old diskettes. After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem, it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into the typewriter to type the labels.

4. Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

5. A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on, and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to close the door to his room.

6. Another Dell customer called to say he couldn’t get his computer to fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in front of the monitor screen and hitting the “send” key.

7. Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. “Yeah, I got me a couple of friends, “the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the man said, “Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks.”

8. Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing them individually.

9. A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged because his computer had told him he was “bad and an invalid”. The tech explained that the computer’s “bad command” and “invalid” responses shouldn’t be taken personally.

10. An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn’t get her new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in, the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button. Her response, “I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens.” The “foot pedal” turned out to be the computer’s mouse.

11. Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new computer wouldn’t work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked “What power switch?”

12. True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:

Caller: “Hello, is this Tech Support?”
Tech: “Yes, it is. How may I help you?”
Caller: “The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?”
Tech: “I’m sorry, but did you say a cup holder?”
Caller: “Yes, it’s attached to the front of my computer.”
Tech: “Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, It’s because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?”
Caller: “It came with my computer, I don’t know anything about a promotional. It just has ‘4X’ on it.”

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn’t stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive!

“Burp!  Gotta love those afternoon snacks!”

I would like to take a moment to thank some more  contributors, 

Kristine M.     Theodore K.     Robert B.

Your generosity is much appreciated.  Truly, all of you guys are the best.  Still a little time left for you guys to get in on the action.  Every little bit helps.  You can hit the donate button at the top right hand column of the web page or if you don’t like to use PayPal, you can write to me at any of my numerous email addresses and I can send you the snail mail address and you can send a check or something to that effect.

impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com     impishdragon@gmail.com     impishdragon@hotmail.com

More Help Desk Calls…

In my 5+ decades in the computer business, I’ve seen some really bad operator failures, but here are the 3 of the worst that come to mind:

At an unnamed university affiliated hospital in NC, an operator placed a bucket on top of a computer rack to catch a drip from condensation off the A/C duct. You guessed it, the bucket finally filled and overflowed into the rack and then was overturned into the rack by the operator while trying to remove it. Cost (insurance claim): 180 K$

NOAA was setting up 3 separate mirrored locations with all their accumulated weather data – 384TB. The method was to purchase 3 systems, set them up side by side and over months, all the data from tape was copied onto the 3 machines. One then remained in DC. The other two had all the disks removed and labeled and then were shipped in air conditioned trucks (to prevent moisture condensation on the disk platters) to the two remote locations – one in WV and one in NC. These were complicated storage systems using an ADIC shared file system, an SGI system controller and > 500 drives in multiple racks. The one in NC was constantly experiencing issues due to relatively unskilled contractors. One night, one of the contractors was playing around with the ADIC file system and provisioning new INodes. He unintentionally provisioned 1,000 new INodes OVER the root INode structure, essentially wiping out 384TB of data with a single keystroke. The file system company sent two engineers on site for a month, but finally gave up and could not recover the data. The system was disassembled and sent back to DC to be re mirrored which took months. Set back the entire program by months and cost untold amounts of $.

And finally, a contractor admin working in the data center of a major bank one night accidentally knocked the plastic cover off the EPO (emergency power off) button in the data center. While replacing the cover, he accidentally hit the button instantly taking down the entire data center (in a very ungraceful manner) and over 200 ATM locations for roughly a day. The bank fired not only the CIO, but also the contracting company, who then went bankrupt, plus the bank sued them and they sued the bank. I heard this one directly from the sad individual who accidentally pushed the button while we were interviewing him for an SE position. (As I recall, we hired him, partly based on his honesty)

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish.

They are in Heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, ‘Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?’

She giggles and shyly replies, ‘Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.’ St. Peter says, ‘Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.’

St. Peter asks the next girl the same question; ‘Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?’ The girl is a little reluctant but replies, ‘Well, once I fondled and stroked one.’ St. Peter says, ‘Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate.’

All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls.. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, ‘Reeva, What seems to be the rush?’

The girl replies, ‘If I’m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it!’

Relaxing before dinner

That has got to be in the World’s Top 5 Book Shelves!

Pulled out a nose hair today to see if it hurt…

Judging by the reaction of the man asleep next to me on the bus, it seems pretty painful…

Yup.  That’s about right.

Okay, Ladies Please!  Pay attention, PLEASE!

It’s “Fell In Love”

NOT “Felon Love”

You all deserve so much better than that.

My best friend passed away recently.  Grieving before his grave I said, “Bro, I really missed you.  My wife has been pregnant for 8 months now.  How about you reincarnate as my child?”

One month later, my wife gave birth to a big boy.  As my child grew older each day, I realized he looks a lot like my best friend.  I’m really happy that my prayer worked…

I hate strip clubs.

I can’t touch her, she won’t touch me, I can’t touch myself, and she gets all my cash.

It’s like being home with the wife!

When I was in class 7, I used to ask a lot of questions…!

One day, I asked my English Teacher, “Why do we ignore some letters in pronunciation eg. the letter H …in hour, Honor…etc. …????

My English Teacher said, “We are not ignoring them; they’re considered silent”

(I was even more confused…????)

During the lunch break, my Teacher gave me her packed lunch and asked me to heat it in the Cafeteria. 

I ate all the food and returned her the empty container….!!!!

My English Teacher:  What happened?  I told you to go and HEAT my food, you are returning me an empty container.

I replied, “Madam, I thought ‘H’ was silent.”

Dedicated to all English Teachers

I’m actually weirder than you think.

If it wasn’t for the fact that they actually used that one, it would be much funnier than it is.

I have 1,000 Mars bars in my fridge and my friend has 1 in his.  I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person.  This is how celebrity charity appeals work.

The Sargasso Sea, a region in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean, is the only sea that has no coast

You don’t get a body like mine overnight. 

It takes years of moderate neglect and bacon.

How come bills never go on sale?

Like rent 25% off or pay 2 electricity bills and get the next one free.

I was asked what I look for in a relationship.  Apparently, “A Way Out” wasn’t the right answer.

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Vegas. She’s down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, “What rotten luck I’ve had today! What in the world should I do now?”

A man standing next to her suggests, “I don’t know… why don’t you play your age?”

He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Maybe she won! He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her.

The man is stunned. He asks, “What happened? Is she all right?”

The operator replies, “I don’t know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!”

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing  they notice about a woman is their eyes.

And  women say the first thing they notice about men is  they’re a bunch of liars.

There was this Asian lady married to an English gentleman and they lived in the Isle of Man.

The poor lady was not very proficient in English, but managed to communicate with her husband.

The real problem arose whenever she had to shop for groceries.

One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy pork legs.

She didn’t know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, lifted up her skirt to show her thighs.

The butcher got the message and the lady went home with pork legs.

The next day, she needed to get chicken breasts.

Again, she didn’t know how to say, and so she unbuttoned her blouse to show the butcher her breast.

The lady got what she wanted.

The 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find a way to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store…

 

(Please scroll page down.)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What were you thinking?

 

Helloooooooooo, her husband speaks English!!

 

I got myself a senior’s GPS.  Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination, it tells me why I wanted to go there.

I made a huge To Do list for today.

I just can’t figure out who’s going to do it.

I’m a little ticked off.  Well, I’m a lot ticked off. And quite a bit disappointed.  I’ve told you before about Izzy Dragon asking me about why I vote Republican.  My answer, well, I don’t ALWAYS vote Republican, but mostly they represent the kind of things I believe in much more closely than any other party, so that is why.  Then she threw this up in my face.  Congress Woman Lauren Boebert of Colorado escorted out of “Beetlejuice” musical in Denver after “causing a disturbance” and Video shows Rep. Boebert giving middle finger to “Beetlejuice” usher and other headlines.  Then she read me excerpts from the articles.  Apparently, this republican Congress woman was vaping in the theater and when a nearby PREGNANT woman asked her to stop (politely) she said No and proceeded to call her names and denigrate her.  Her and her friends were loud and obnoxious in the theater and when asked by the staff to quiet down her response was “Do you know who I am?”  Which just irritates the crap out of me.  Finally the police had to be called and she threatened to call the mayor and she was escorted out.

Now, I know the odds of her ever seeing this are slim to none and I was going to actually write her a personal letter, but I really didn’t think that would get anyone’s attention, so I thought, well maybe …maybe someone will see it here and if nothing else, I get to say my piece publicly. 

Miss Boebert, I have spent over 30 years of my life serving this country and one thing that I’ve learned above and beyond any thing else is that one of our biggest responsibilities we have as public servants is to set a good example.  Do we know who you are?  Yes ma’am.  We most certainly do know who you are.  You are our employee.  You work for us.  Just like I work for them.  You and I both answer to them.  It is our duty, our responsibility to give them our very best ALL THE TIME.  We should be setting the example.  Plus, you are representing the Republican party.  How are we supposed to hold you up as being better than the moronic democrats when you refused to stop vaping, illegally I might add, when a pregnant lady asked you to?  You should be ashamed of yourself.  I’m ashamed for you.  I’m ashamed to be associated as belonging to the same government workforce that you belong to.  My mother raised me better than that.  My Drill Sergeant definitely did.  Now, I have to explain to my daughter that, just like not all people who call themselves Christian are actually Christian, not all people who call themselves Republican…not, scratch that…not all people who call themselves public servants actually give a care about the public they are supposed to be serving.

Anyway campers, if you’re interested in reading the articles you can find them easily enough and that’s it for me.  May God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.