Not really sure when I’m going to get this one published. Today is Tuesday, but it’s already bed time. Tomorrow I’ve got jail after work so I won’t be able to get much done tomorrow, so this won’t make it out for Thursday, so maybe I can have it ready for Friday. And that’s because I’ve been so busy with so many other things this week.
Between being drawn to fighting for a class that I want to teach at church, fighting for a young man’s church credentials, fighting over an exercise at work, and fighting emotions over grief, it seems as though it’s just been fight, fight, fight for the past week and quite frankly I am sick to death of fighting.
I’m tired, I’m sore, I’m the proverbial grumpy old man (dragon)…all I’m missing is yelling at some kid to “GET OFF MY LAWN” and I’ll be all set.
Plus, I’m being prompted by the Holy Spirit to make an apology that is actually about 2 plus years overdue and I know it’s part of my repentance, and it’s not that I don’t want to, it’s more that I don’t know HOW to.
The man I need to apologize to is not going to be a problem, I would consider him a friend even. He probably doesn’t think I need to apologize, but I really feel like I need to, and it’s come up now, all of a sudden.
See, the man is one of the base chaplains and I owe him an apology because of the way I spoke to him back when Mary died. I was pretty rude and used some very coarse language and, well, it’s been playing on my mind. And him and I go to bible study together every other Wednesday and for me claiming to be a Christian now, well … you get the idea.
Anyway, the Spirit is telling me that I need to repent to him.
But, in the meantime, we’ve got some laughter to chase after, so let’s start doing that…at least a little, before I have to go to bed.
Okay, I can’t help myself. I know it’s been too soon, but I gotta start out with more of these memes that I haven’t used yet.
This one is from brother Joe … and it scares me a little… he writes:
I’ve sure gotten old! I have outlived my feet and my teeth. I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
I have lost all my friends.
But, thank God, I’ve still got my Florida driver’s license!
But see, the part that scares me? Joe lives in New Jersey!
And that ain’t even the half of it.
I’ll bet his on first.
I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.
– Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)
Maybe carrots will give me strong, sharp eyes, but what if they also give me long floppy ears?
A man stood on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no cars passed. The storm was so strong, he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car come towards him and stop.
The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door to realize that nobody was behind the wheel. The car started slowly. The guy looked at the road and saw a curve coming his way. Scared, he started praying, and begged for his life. He hadn’t come out of shock, when just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and moved the wheel. The guy, paralyzed in terror, watched how the hand appeared every time before a curve.
The guy gathered strength, got out of the car and ran to the nearest town. Wet and in shock, he ran into a cantina and asked for two shots of tequila, and started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realized the guy was crying and wasn’t drunk.
About half an hour later, two guys walked into the same cantina, and one said to the other. “Look Pepe, that’s the character who climbed into the car while we were pushing.”
HUNCHBACK’S WIFE: I’m getting worried about that back of yours. It looks really awful. Perhaps you should see a doctor. Eventually, after a lot of persuasion the Hunchback goes to the doctor.
DOCTOR:I want you to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes jacket then stops)
HUNCHBACK:I don’t like getting undressed.
DOCTOR:If you want me to examine your back you’ll have to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his vest on.)
HUNCHBACK:I don’t like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.
DOCTOR:Do you want me to examine your back or not? ( Very reluctantly the hunchback removes his vest.
DOCTOR:How long is it since you were at school?
HUNCHBACK:Over 30 years. Why?
DOCTOR:Did you ever wonder what happened to your backpack?
That’s it. I’m done. I’m having a rough night, so I’m sure I’ll talk about it in the next issue. I can’t right now.
I’m sitting here on Saturday night in virtual shock. President Trump has been shot. All of us vets are looking at the circumstances and thinking to ourselves, “There ain’t no way.”
I saw a post from Breitbart news service that shows a tweet from Kenneth P. Vogel, who is a 48 year old New York Times Reporter that says, “Biden told donors on a private coll this afternoon: ‘It’s time to put Trump in the bullseye.'”
One spectator killed, two wounded, the shooter killed, probably by the Secret Service snipers. But some people on the ground said they saw the shooter moving around on the roof and were in the process of reporting it to law enforcement when the shots rang out. Going back to the vets in the audience, how did the Secret Service snipers and others NOT see the shooter?
So many things just not adding up.
And the sad part is, we all know … WE KNOW … we won’t be getting any truthful answers.
Tomorrow is Sunday and we have so many, many things to bring to the throne of God. And yes, I know we never have to wait until Sunday to bring things to God. I spent my entire day today bringing things to God. I changed out the faucet in the bathroom today. Yes, the same one that I fixed the leak in, during the last episode. That was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. But I learned an awful lot. Let me give you a short list so that maybe, just maybe, some of you can learn from the pain and suffering that I went through.
#1 – Do not overtighten anything. #2 – I hate plumbing. #3 – If you have to lay on your back with your head stuck under a small wooden cabinet, cursing the idiots who overtightened the current fixtures, it is better with an old pillow that you can then throw away when you’re down. Even better with a younger person doing it for you. #4 – I hate plumbing. #5 – When you have to make a trip to ACE Hardware to pick up a part you didn’t expect to need, it is better to listen to your daughter and bring the old part with you so you don’t have to bring the part you just bought back to buy the correct part that you could have bought the first time, had you just listened to your daughter and brought the old part with you the first time. #6 – And finally and most importantly, I learned something that I was pretty sure I knew all along…I HATE PLUMBING! I will hire someone to fix a leaky faucet next time.
The day you are reading this, Monday, 15 July, I will be in a bad way. I am in a bad way now and have been for the last couple of days, getting worse each day. I would have taken Monday off work, but I can’t because of things that are going on at work.
Sigh…
Monday will be … would have been … no, WILL BE my 29th Wedding Anniversary.
My mind is wandering so far afield lately.
Oh, it’s now Sunday morning, by the way. I feel asleep writing last night. Now I’m waiting for time to go to church.
So, I’ve got about an hour or so before I have to leave. The dogs have been taken out and fed…well, one dog has been taken out and fed, the other one couldn’t be bothered to get out of bed. Pepper is still upstairs in bed with Izzy, Willow and I are up, drinking coffee, she has eaten and we went out.
That really doesn’t sound right, does it? She ate, I’m drinking coffee. We didn’t go out, I took HER out.
Never mind.
Let’s get started on the laffs before I have to leave and we’ll finish up later.
Okay, I want to make a point here, first thing, right off the bat, it has been less than 12 hours and the memes have already started. But it does show that our country will be alright if we can already find humor in the situation.
I do want to offer my deepest condolences to the families of the dead and wounded and I hope they knew Christ and are therefore in Heaven right now. Izzy asked me last night if I thought Trump would pay for the funerals and the medical expenses of the people and I said if they needed it, I would be very surprised if he didn’t. But don’t be surprised if you don’t hear about it.
Anyway, let’s start with these since they are the topic dejur.
That’s what I’ve gotten so far. Well, honestly, I’ve gotten some others but they were in even worse taste than those.
If you can’t figure that one out, you are way too young!
Okay, so I’m back from church, GREAT Service! We have such a wonderful little church. We had two baptisms today also! Really good day. At the appropriate time, I went up to the rail and asked my Elder and his wife for prayer for my emotional health because of how much I’m hurting right now. I am truly blessed.
When I got back to my computer, I had more memes from you guys about Trump, so let me put them in right here…
These first three are from Izzy and she said these are just the three that she kept! I REALLY like the first one.
These next four are from our GREAT friend Wouter in South Africa!
And I think some of the rest of these were sent in by Pop Smith
We’ve already done so many of these today that I’m only gonna throw a couple of them in here just to keep the editor and printer happy. If I take entire sections out, they both get really annoyed with me and start changing entire … thunderstorms and lightningare definite hazardsto dragons fromthe middle ages to high school football teams and …
… sigh (… see what I mean?)
…alright guys, you made your point. Anyway, here’s a couple more political memes…
Inflating Beach Toy Stevan Dohanos August 20, 1949
Cowboy Asleep in Beauty Salon Kurt Ard May 6, 1961
Boy on High Dive Norman Rockwell August 16, 1947
Baby and Nail Polish Stevan Dohanos July 22, 1950
Watering Father Richard Sargent June 4, 1955
Okay, this one gets three things to lead it off… first this one
Then it gets these two…
A man went to his barber to get a haircut before he left on a trip to Rome.
He was telling his barber about the trip when the barber said, “Rome? Why would anyone go there? It’s crowded and dirty! So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re flying on American,” the man told him.
“American?” exclaimed the barber. “That’s a terrible choice! The planes are old and the flight attendants are ugly. Where are you staying in Rome?”
“Oh, we’re at the downtown Marriott.”
“What? That dump with its overpriced rooms and poor service? Well, what are you doing when you get there?” the barber griped.
“Going to the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.”
“Yeah? Well good luck. A million people want to see the Pope. You’ll never get close. But good luck to you. You’ll probably need it.”
Finishing the cut, the barber handed him his coat.
A month later, the man was back for another cut. The barber asked about the trip to Rome.
“Oh, it was wonderful. We were on a brand new plane and it was so overcrowded we got bumped to first class, where a beautiful young stewardess waited on us hand and foot. And the hotel was fantastic! They had just finished remodeling and were overbooked, so they gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!
“Well, I know you didn’t get to see the Pope,” the surly barber grumbled.
“Oh, but we did!” the man exclaimed. “We toured the Vatican and were chosen to personally meet the Pope! I actually knelt down as he spoke a few words to me!”
“Really?” the barber wondered, impressed despite himself. “What did he say?”
“He said, ‘Where’d you get that lousy haircut?'”
“How great is our God? Name above all names. Worthy of all praise. My heart will sing. How great is our God?”
That’s what’s playing in the background right now as I wrap up this episode. I just want you guys to keep me in mind as you read this, know that I’m thinking of you because I know that you are thinking of me … at least while you’re reading this and I’m asking for you to give me good thoughts and prayers. It’s going to be a tough day for me. Heck it’s a tough day for me today.
My darling Mary, I miss you every day. Can’t wait till I get to see you again.
I’m actually quite proud of that header. A color by number picture that I did with photoshopped elements added. Plus it was a lot of fun to do.
So, I’m guessing that it’s going to end up with one issue on Monday and one on either Thursday or Friday depending on how my week goes. Probably mostly on Fridays, since I have ministry stuff on Tuesday and Wednesday nights.
I’m actually starting this one on Sunday evening. It has been a LONG HARD weekend for me. Thursday was the 4th of July and a day off and holiday. I took Friday off as a liberal leave day and of course had Saturday and Sunday off. So a nice four-day weekend and I feel like I would have gotten more relaxation if I had been at work.
I fixed a leaky sink, but ended up ordering a new faucet for the bathroom anyway because I couldn’t change the hot water side, so I’m going to just change out the whole faucet. Which should be fun because I’ve never done it before. Maybe I’ll take pictures.
Here’s my list:
Fixed the leaky sink
Vacuumed out the car
Went shopping both at Harbor Freight (Yay!) and for groceries (Boo!)
Changed my bed linens (NOT an easy task! – I have an extra large and heavy mattress that has sheet suspenders under it to hold the fitted sheets on because the mattress is larger)
Did three loads of laundry
Mowed the lawn
Weed-eated the lawn
Used my new backpack sprayer and sprayed weed killer all over the lawn
Wrote
Studied
Worked on Dragon Laffs
Took and picked up Izzy at her new job on base both Saturday and Sunday
Was Security at Church on Sunday
Had a meeting with new people at Church who are building a house for homeless men in town for my jail ministry
And built a little wooden model of an owl in memory of Mary, who collected owls
The owl was just a time waster. I used to build the little wooden model/puzzles all the time. And I went online and ordered a couple of other ones to play with while I’m watching TV, listening to podcasts or listening to my bible read scriptures to me.
Anyway, that’s been most of my long weekend. I feel like I’ve been beaten with a stick…a big, thick stick…by a big hungarian guy…with a crappy attitude towards dragons.
So many people have no idea what it’s like to be in pain ALL THE TIME. I still go back to the line – “I wake up on a GOOD DAY in enough pain to send most of you young people to the emergency room or reaching for the phone calling 911 for an ambulance.” And the flip side of that is, like today, waking up on a BAD DAY, still climbing out of bed with tears in my eyes and thanking God for the night’s rest and for the day that He’s put before me, asking for His help to get through the day and setting out with the faith to KNOW that HE will see me through the day. Even though as I sit here writing this I have NO IDEA how He’s going to do it, but knowing that He will.
One last thing before we get this started…I saw this little family on the way to picking Izzy up the other day. I’m thinking wild turkey, but I can’t be really sure. Any of you guys out there have any ideas?
Okay, Smartalec Izzy just had me do a Google search (I knew how to do that! I just didn’t THINK of doing that!) and according to Google, I was right, they are wild turkeys…walking down River Road here in town. Gotta love livin’ in the country.
And now….
Okay, for the next couple of “in-between pictures” I’m going to pop in memes about memes. What is the big deal about stealing memes? Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? Isn’t that why we make them? So other people can snag them? In the hopes that one day someone forwards you a meme and tells you how funny it is and it turns out it is one that YOU created? That’s why I always try to remember to put a little dragon in the lower corner of the ones that I create. So here’s the first one:
Not sure if this is a true story, Urban Legend, or just a good joke…whatever. It is funny and made funnier by the fact that it COULD be true. But I have heard it before, so who knows.
It happened at a New York Airport. This is hilarious. I wish I had the guts of this girl. An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in New York for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo.
For all of you out there who have had to deal with an irate customer, this one’s for you.
A crowded United Airlines flight was canceled. A single agent was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.
Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said, “I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS.”
The agent replied, “I’m sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first; and then I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?”
Without hesitating, the agent smiled and grabbed her public address microphone. “May I have your attention, please?”, she began, her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal. “We have a passenger here at Gate 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him with his identity, please come to Gate 14”.
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the United Airlines agent, gritted his teeth, and said, “F*** You!”
Without flinching, she smiled and said, “I’m sorry sir, you’ll have to get in line for that, too.”
Life isn’t about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.
Boy, she handled that second part MUCH better than I would have.
The second meme, meme…
Do you younger guys even know who these guys are? I asked Izzy, she had no idea who they were!!!
Another meme of memes…
And the LAST meme of memes…for now, anyway…
“Impish invited me over to play…can I come in, please?”
That is so bad for you!
I saw this many years ago and it just surfaced again: __________________
I agree with Joe, I read this many years ago and laughed myself silly. This is truly a classic piece.
I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and. I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’
‘First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’
She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
‘Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’
Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
‘My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have sign on the car like the Domino’s man.
They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
‘And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there.
When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.’
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
I’m sure I applauded the loudest.
Ever since then, when it’s Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.
Cool! I was keeping an eye on Dave, also.
Hold on tight when you watch this one, it’s really hard.
And that’s it my friends. Much more I wanted, needed to say, but I ran out of time. Maybe I’ll get to it for Saturday. My love to you all.
I hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. That everyone stayed safe and happy. I’m actually starting this one on the 4th of July because I’m staying home with my doggies because they HATE the fireworks and the city sets them off right down the street (practically) from me. Plus I live between some real Indiana rednecks who’ve been setting stuff off for the past couple of days and ALL day today. Lots of M-80s or whatever the modern day equivalent is. Heck, these guys could be setting off sticks of dynamite for all I know.
So, I spent the day building new subheading titles (Good Morning Campers, Dragon Pix, Fantasy Pix, etc) and added a few new ones for specialized people who contribute all the time. Try to make it a little more participatory.
We’ll see.
But, in the meantime, let’s go ahead and get the regular show started and see where it takes us today. I feel like I’ve got some things to talk about today, like there is something percolating in the back of my head that needs to come out in my writing, but I’m not sure what that might be just yet. I’m sure that God will let me know what that is at the right time.
But for now…
How about a round up of last minute 4th of July stuff that I received…
It’d be easier on my poor puppies if we’d done that here. Although these guys probably would’ve just ignored it.
I don’t know…some of them I may have already used…but here’s some more I know I didn’t use…
I’m kinda wondering if that isn’t Mrs. Aussie Pete. Not that they would be celebrating the 4th, but you know, just posing for the picture. Or someone from his family.
An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. “You were speeding,” the cop said. “I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”
“Yep,” the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.
” These flies sure are terrible,” the trooper complained.
“Yep,” the farmer said. “Them are circle flies.”
“What’s a circle fly?”
“Them flies that circle a horse’s tail,” answered the farmer. “Them are circle flies.”
“You wouldn’t be calling me a horse’s ass, would you?” the trooper angrily asked.
“Nope, I didn’t,” the farmer replied. There was a pause as the trooper continued to write out the ticket…”But you sure can’t fool them flies.”
Too funny!
I feel like I’m in a rut. Every time I go to bed at night, I find myself just getting up again in the morning.
Anon.
Massachusetts Law
Bullets may not be used as currency.
2024 Staff Photos
A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: “Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime.
We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pyjamas. I’ll be home in an hour to pick them up.”
He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off.
A week later he returns.
His wife asks: “Did you have a good trip, dear?”
He says: ” Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pyjamas.”
His wife smiles and says, “Oh no I didn’t. I put them in your tackle box!”
Another really good one from brother Joe…
An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor’s job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.
The human resources manager tells him, “You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day.”
Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address.
To this the manager replies, “You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day.”
Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers’ market and sees a stand selling 25lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes.
He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.
During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night.
He multiplies his profits quickly. Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.
At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.
By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.
Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company’s payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a million dollars.
Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.
When the man replies that he doesn’t have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, “What, you don’t have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you’d had all of that five years ago!”
“Ha!” snorts the man. “If I’d had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour.”
Which brings us to the moral:
Since you got this story by e-mail, you’re probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.
Sadly, I got it, too.
That one cracked me up so badly. That is me SO many times. When I get a chance to actually sit at church and not play security and walk around during service, I sit in the very front row and when my stomach makes its ridiculously loud noise, I always look up at the Pastor like it’s his fault.
Never works though.
A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel.
Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with a group of lawyers.
The prosecutor felt that it would be an interesting experiment to try a case before a jury of lawyers, and the defense counsel had no objection, so a jury was impaneled. And the trial went very quickly. After only an hour of testimony, and very short closing arguments, both sides rested. The jury was then instructed by the judge, and was sent back to the jury room to deliberate.
After nearly six hours, the trial court was concerned that the jury had not returned with a verdict. The case had, in fact, turned out to be every bit as simple as he had expected, and it seemed to him that they should have been back in minutes. He sent the bailiff to the jury room, to see if they needed anything.
The bailiff returned, and the judge asked, “Are they close to reaching a verdict?”
The bailiff shook his head, and replied, “Your Honor, they’re still doing nomination speeches for the position of foreman.”
This is a great one! It’s from Buzzfeed and it’s called:
I am not that old, but one time, I was telling my younger cousins about how Netflix used to be a mailing service, and they were absolutely gobsmacked. I myself was kinda shocked too, because I’d just assumed that was common knowledge. (Wait till I tell them about the mythical world of Blockbuster.) So when redditor u/MrDNL asked the people of r/AskOldPeople to share the common knowledge from their time that younger generations might have a hard time believing, I was all in. Here are some of the responses that will either make you feel totally nostalgic or completely puzzled:
1.“When the internet first came out, you couldn’t talk on the phone and be online at the same time.”
Click on the title above to get the other 25. Trust me…it’s well worth it!
And here’s another one… this poor bear. You are not going to believe the crap this poor bear has put up with.
So, today … Friday … has been one of those days. I WAS going to get up, do lawn work all day and get that out of the way, but instead it started raining, so Izzy and I went shopping. Harbor Freight was having a sale (Man! I love Harbor Freight. It’s like the toy store for men.) I spray a lot of weed kill and I’ve had this little one gallon, hand carry pump sprayer that I use. I usually fill it up twice and it’s a real pain by half an hour or so. I bought a 3 gallon backpack sprayer for $29 on sale. I’m going to try it out on Saturday. I also bought a little bitty wet/dry vac specifically for cleaning out the car. Holy cow!
It will suck the hair off a watermelon at 100 paces! It’s a little monster! Plus, you can hook the hose up to the outlet and make it a blower. There’s a warning on there that says basically when you use it as a blower that anything inside the canister can be ejected through the hose, so make sure the canister is empty before hand. So, I’m thinking, buy a bunch of that birthday confetti, fill the whole canister up with it, poke the hose inside or over the top of a bathroom stall while someone is using it and turn it on! How awesome would THAT be!?
Or even better! I have to start punching holes in like 50 new base plans that are about 150 pages each…save all the little round circles that are punched out…Yeah!
Anyway, when we got home, Izzy and I trimmed some branches, but everything was too wet to mow, so that’s now on tap for Saturday.
Okay, no theme today, you are just going to get about 10 or so of the memes in the order that I have them in the file. So, don’t blame me if they are all one sided. I just send out what I receive. Besides, you guys all know how I feel. I am a Christian, Constitutional, Conservative.
I saw a tweet (do we still call them that now that it’s X?) just a quick headline that said that Biden had a medical issue on Air Force One. My first thought was that, okay here it is, their excuse for getting rid of him from the ticket. Someone responded, “No he didn’t. He walked off the plane just fine.” I stopped reading at that point because it’s all becoming nonsense…would that be “again” or “still”?
That is so much me! Except I wave my tablet because I can’t afford books anymore…I read too fast.
I know. This is a real worry of mine. I went to the eye doctor the other day and I told her that I HAVE to take care of my eyes. As far as my body goes, they are my number ONE priority because otherwise I won’t be able to read. I hope and pray that there are good libraries in Heaven. But, there you will have all those historical figures to TELL you the stories themselves. How’d you like to spend an afternoon talking to Noah about the art of ark building or to Moses about what it was like standing in front of pharoah while you told him to “Let my people go!” Man! I can’t hardly wait!
This one is from Steve H. And it’s awesome. Here’s what he has to say about it.
Subject:Must watch short YouTube “This is what STRENGTH looks like” on YouTube
An iconic but relatively unknown response to those still suffering from terminal cases of Trump Derangement Syndrome (TDS.)
Two young men are walking down Fifth Avenue. The first one says, “Look at that gorgeous redhead in that green suit.”
They walk on, and the same young man says, “Wow! Take a gander at that blonde in those red slacks.”
They continue, and again, the first young man says, “Holy cow! Feast your eyes on that brunette in the …”
The second young man finally says, “Is that all you can think about? …..Clothes?”
I have no idea WHO amongst all of you had the temerity to send me that!!!
So I heard someone on the radio say, “until you can thank God for the death of your spouse, you have not completely come to grips with it yet.”
I started thinking about that. While pondering this deep topic, I received this from my (and your) deep friend Stephanie.
Now, I’ve seen this, or something very similar to it many times before and it is quite true. It leaves you quite changed. Most of it in horrible, devastating, incredibly painful ways.
But in what good ways have I been changed that I could possibly thank God for?
Sure…there have been some positive changes in my life since I’ve lost Mary. And to be clear, I HATE that term. I haven’t lost her. Like if I look around enough I can find her again or if I just lift up the right towel or pillow I can jump in excitement and say, “Oh! There you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you!”
No.
And it’s not like I don’t know exactly where she is. And it’s not like I don’t have every assurance of being with her again some day for all eternity, although I’m also assured that our reunion will not be very high on the list of either of our priorities.
But thanking God involves being truly thankful for something important. What am I truly thankful for that happened because Mary died? I’ve lost 138 pounds, but that’s mostly because eating just isn’t any fun any more.
What else?
Well, I guess, the biggest thing is that I went back to church, more importantly, I went back to God. Not that I ever really left God, but I REALLY went back to God, for everything, every day. Mary was so much better at that then I was. Relying on God for everything. I was more self reliant. Which do you think works out better?
My life is so much better now. I am so much more content. I have several ministries that I am involved in and more than one person has told me that their life has been changed because of my efforts, although I HAVE to emphasize that is NOT a reason. No wait, changing others lives IS a reason, but me taking credit for it NOT a reason because it’s NOT me, it’s God choosing to work through me.
And that ain’t nuthin’!
But to hit my knees and say those words, “Thank you God for taking Mary.”
It is Independence Day! The 4th of July! To some of you out there, the day means nothing. To others it is an important day in your life. To some (hopefully not on our site) it is a sad day and you are bemoaning its celebration. This, I can’t imagine, but I am assured that there are some Americans (or perhaps I should say some americans) who feel this way. I can’t imagine why.
Even those of who are dissatisfied with the state of our country right now, should not hate the holiday that created our country. I heard a statistic on the radio today that I believe RFK stated 8 years ago 85% of the people polled said they were proud to be Americans and today, less than 15% agreed with that sentiment. That means that over the last 8 years we’ve lost that.
Now I know he was saying it to prove that he was a better choice for president than Trump or Biden since it was the two of them in office over the last 8 years. I would have liked to have seen when the change occured, but the fact of the matter is that the change did occur!
Why?
I can point to a couple of things that have happened that make me ashamed of our country. The childish debate the other night is right near the top of the list. Arguing about who has the better golf game? For crying out loud!
How about the debacle of Afghanistan?
How about the destruction of our military? (You’ve heard me say before that there is a REASON you have to be this tall to ride this ride!)
How about the weaponization of our justice system?
The throwing open of our borders and welcoming of the terrorists, criminals, drugs, cartels, and all the other garbage?
The complete and total mishandling and disregard for the handling of secret documents, emails … it’s called OPSEC and COMSEC! and everyone of you signed agreements just like I did!!!
And I could go on and on…
But…
BUT!!!
What about all the stuff that makes this country great?
What is that you ask? It’s people.
The less than 1% of Americans that volunteer to actively protect the rest of us by laying their lives on the line, to stand between us and the evilness in the world.
Or how about the less than 8% of us who have ever done that in their lifetime, even for just a couple of years.
How about those of us who would rather work taking care of other people, serve other people, teach our children, protect them, heal them, drive toward the fire and danger then care about how much money they are making because I guarantee you that every one of those jobs that I am describing and thinking of will never make you rich. Which jobs?
The military, police, firemen, EMTs, teachers, pastors, did I mention the military? Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, Coasties, Active Duty and Reserves, National Guard.
Pretend you are standing on a cloud beside God and He gathers up 200 random people. 200 of them! Of that 200 only 1 of them will be, on average, an active duty military member. Only 14 of them will have EVER been in the military…not retired, not in combat, not anything special, EVER been in the military.
I wish I had the time to look up the statistics on police and fire and pastors and EMTs and teachers and the other service, not get rich but help people jobs that I’m just not thinking of right now, but I do need to get on with the main part of this episode. I’ve ranted enough and I think I’ve made my point.
As you are celebrating your Independence Day today, find reasons to celebrate your neighbors and fellow Americans and take a minute to say thanks to the people who are there to serve…in all the different capacities there are to serve.
Stephen B.’s latest wood carving in his words: Meet Uncle Ham, the Patriotic Pig…..
Famous Quotes
Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
– Mark Twain
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
– Victor Borge
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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark Twain
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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.
– Socrates
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx
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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
– Jimmy Durante
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I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
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Only Irish coffee provides, in a single glass, all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.
– Alex Levine
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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
– Rodney Dangerfield
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Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
– Spike Milligan
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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .
– Joe Namath
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I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.
– Bob Hope
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
– W. C. Fields
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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.
– Will Rogers
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Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.
– Winston Churchill
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Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty, but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
– Phyllis Diller
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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.
– Billy Crystal
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And the cardiologist’s diet: if it tastes good spit it out.
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May your troubles be less, may your blessings be more, and may nothing but happiness come through your door.
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Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, “Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.”
~ Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)
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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: “No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”
~ Eleanor Roosevelt
If you love someone, set them free.
If they come back, it means nobody else liked them.
Set them free again.
Because when you do a search for “Patriotic Mythical Fantasy” and this pops up and you laugh as hard as I did, you just have to post it.
𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐇𝐨𝐭 𝐈𝐬 𝐈𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐏𝐇𝐎𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐗 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐬𝐤…
1. The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
2. The trees are whistling for the dogs.
3. The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
4. Hot water now comes out of both taps.
5. You can make sun tea instantly.
6. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.
7. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.
8. In June-July-August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.
9. You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.
10. You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
11. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.
12. The Good news is it dries INSTANTLY!
13. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
14. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
15. The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
16. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.
17. The cows are giving evaporated milk.
An Australian tourist and his wife were driving for hours through Canada, not even sure where they were.
The husband eventually says, “I’ve got to stop for petrol.”
His wife says, “Find out where we are.”
The husband gets gas, and goes into the service station, pays, and asks the attendant, “Can you tell me where we are now?”
The attendant looks at him and says, “Saskatoon. Saskatchewan.”
The husband gets back into the car and the wife asks, “Well, where are we?”
The husband says, “He doesn’t speak English.”
“All the Dachaus must remain standing. The Dachaus, the Belsens, the Buchenwalds, the Auschwitzes -all of them. They must remain standing because they are a monument to a moment when some men decided to turn the earth into a graveyard; into it, they shoveled all of their reason, their logic, their knowledge, but worst of all, their conscience. And the moment we forget this, we cease to be haunted by its remembrance. Then we become the gravediggers.”
Rod Serling is the best American writer of The Twilight Zone
Two old guys, one 80 and one 87, were sitting on a park bench one morning. The 87-year-old had just finished his morning jog and wasn’t even short of breath. The 80-year-old was amazed at the guy’s stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy. The 87-year-old said, “Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you’ll have great stamina with the ladies.”
So, on the way home the 80-year-old stopped at the bakery. As he was looking around, the saleslady asked if he needed any help. He said, “Do you have any rye bread?” She said, “Yes, there’s a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?” He said, “I want 5 loaves.” She said,
“My goodness, 5 loaves! By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it’ll be hard.” He replied, “I can’t believe everybody knows about this but me.”
I had a phone conversation today with a very nice young chap from Pakistan. This is how it went:
“Hello sir, how are you today?”
“I’m very well, thank you for asking. And how are you? And, more to the point, WHO are you?”
“Sir, my name is Sanjit, and I’m calling you from Microsoft”.
“Microsoft, eh? Is that a city in Pakistan? How’s the weather there today?”
” No, sir – MICROSOFT, the computer company. I’m calling to tell you that we have found a problem with your computer and -“
“REALLY?? Well, that’s quite concerning……”
“Yes sir, it can become very serious indeed, but thankfully I will be able to fix it for you. Now, if you -“
“No, I meant it’s very concerning because you see I don’t HAVE a computer”.
“You don’t?”
“I don’t”.
“Ahh, it must be a problem on your laptop sir -“
“Don’t have one”.
“iPad?”
“Nope”.
“Tablet?”
“Nope, I have none of those things. As a matter of fact, I don’t even have a telephone”.
After a few seconds of silence, he said “Ah, sir, you are lying to me now!”
I said “Well, you started it!!” and put the phone down.
Screenshot
Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, “You know, I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we’ve been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the Stairs, get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!”
His buddy looks at him and says, Well, you’re obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes in the closet, jump into bed, slap her on the ass and loudly say, “WHO’S HORNY”..?!!!” and she acts like she’s sound asleep
An older gentleman had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors.
The waiting room was filled with patients. As he approached the receptionist desk he noticed that the receptionist was a very large unfriendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler. He gave her his name.
In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, “YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?”
All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
He recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied,
“NO, I’VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON’T WANT THE SAME QUACK WHO DID YOURS.”
A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?”
“No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms?”
The theory works. I proved it. I didn’t exactly shoot the first one, but flame works just as well! All you have to do is burn and eat the first one and the word gets around.
Sadly, I know several people like this.
One of the world’s greatest scientists was also recognized as the original absent-minded professor. One day, on board a train, he was unable to find his ticket. The conductor said, “Take it easy. You’ll find it.”
When the conductor returned, the professor still couldn’t find the ticket. The conductor, recognizing the famous scientist, said, “I’m sure you bought a ticket. Forget about it.”
“You’re very kind,” the professor said, “but I must find it, otherwise I won’t know where to get off.”
A travelling salesman was about to check in at a hotel when he noticed a very charming bit of femininity giving him the eye.
In a causal manner he walked over and spoke to her as though he had known her all his life.
Both walked back to the desk and registered as Mr. and Mrs.
After a three-day stay he walked up to the desk and informed the clerk that he was checking out.
The clerk presented him with his bill for £1,600.
“There is a mistake here,” he protested. “I have been here only three days.”
“Yes,” replied the clerk, “But your wife has been here a month.”
That’s it my friends. Please be safe, but have a wonderful holiday. I will see you all again on Monday.
Until then, may our Father in Heaven Bless you with Love, Happiness, and Comfort and may you find joy in your families this weekend.
