Wishing everyone a Blessed Memorial Day.  Before we get started on things, let me share something with you that I found on my old boss’s FB page.  This lady is now a dear friend.  She’s the one I told you about who was with me in the ICU when Mary passed away.  She took care of so many things for me.  Anyway, she posted this:

Flags at half-mast until noon, then lower it to the bottom and raise it to full height.  At 1500 (3 pm) stop whatever you are doing for a minute of silence.  If you have questions, ask a Veteran.  Every single one of us have considered the possibility of giving up our lives for you.  The possibility of our families facing this; and we’ve put it all in perspective and taken care of what needs to be taken care of and had the conversations that needed to be had.  (Or we didn’t put it in perspective and take care of it, couldn’t deal with it and hopefully got out of the military/police force/fire fighting and have chosen a different profession prior to needing long term psychological care).

And another one from the same lady

Yeah, we post that one, or one very similar to it a couple times a year.  Thank you Colonel for sharing those with your followers.  Deeply appreciated.

There will be more Memorial Day stuff to share as we go, but for now…

A LETTER TO GOD        

This is a story of a man who works at the post office mail sorting centre. His job was to process all mail items that had illegible addresses. 

One day a letter came to his desk, addressed, in shaky handwriting, to God. 

He thought, “I better open this one and see what it’s all about.” 

So he opened it and it read: “Dear God, I am an 83-year-old widow living on a very small pension.  Yesterday someone stole my purse.  It had a hundred dollars in it which was all the money I had until my next pension day.”

“Next Sunday is Easter, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with.” 

“I have no family to turn to, and God, you are my only hope.  Can you please help me?” 

The postal worker was touched, and went around showing the letter to all the others at the mail centre.

Each of them dug into his wallet and came up with a few dollars.

By the time he made the rounds, he had collected 96 dollars, which they put into an envelope and sent it to her. 

The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done. 

Easter came and went, and a few days later came another letter from the old lady, again addressed to God.  All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. 

It read: “Dear God, how can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?  Because of your generosity, I was able to fix a lovely dinner for my friends.  We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift.

By the way, there was 4 dollars missing.

It was no doubt stolen by those thieving bastards at the post office.

Listed below are lyrics to tunes that mention a name.

Can you identify the NAME!

 1. Who goes round the roses…

 2. Who’s working for the man…

 3. Who picks up the rice… 

 4. Who’s an angel to me…

  5. Who is in the sky with diamonds…

  6. Who rowed the boat ashore…

  7.  Who was more like a beauty queen…

  8. Who got me rockin and a rollin…

  9. Who’s breaking my heart…

 10. Who fills up my senses…

 

 

                          ⬇️

 

 

                           ⬇️

 

 1.  Sally

 2. Proud Mary

 3.  Eleanor

  4. Johnny

  5. Lucy

  6. Michael

  7. Billie Jean

  8. Barbara Ann

  9. Cecelia

 10. Annie

From brother Joe in NJ

Signs:

Spotted in a toilet of a London office: 
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW. 

In a Laundromat: 
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT. 

In a London department store: 
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS 

In an office: 
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN. 

In an office: 
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD. 

Outside a secondhand shop: 
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING – BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN? 

Notice in health food shop window: 
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS 

Spotted in a safari park: 
ELEPHANTS PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR 

Seen during a conference: 
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN’T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE FIRST FLOOR 

Notice in a field: 
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES 

Message on a leaflet: 
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door: 
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR – THE BELL DOESN’T WORK) 

Attention Ladies! Want to truly understand your man? Just simply match the questions of “What A Man Says” with “What A Man Wants”. Give yourself one point for each correct answer! 

“What A Man Says” 
1. “These flowers are for you.” 
2. “Can I have your number?” 
3. “You look beautiful.” 
4. “I’ve enjoyed tonight.” 
5. “What we have is special.” 
6. “I love you.” 

“What A Man Wants” 
A. Sex 
B. Sex 
C. Sex 
D. Sex 
E. Sex 

Our good brother Sasquatch sent us the great article called:

FORGOTTEN JOBS

10 Professions That Vanished From The Pages of History

Published on May 25, 2024

This is a long one with a bunch of pictures so I think I’m going to break it up a bit throughout the issue.

1|
Lamplighter

Credit: Matt Antonioli
Once essential for lighting up the streets before electricity became widespread, lamplighters would manually ignite and extinguish gas lamps each evening and morning. With the advent of electric street lighting, the need for these nocturnal workers dwindled into darkness. However, not everything is lost! A small team of professional lamplighters are employed in London, England to turn on the gas lights that have been preserved as part of the historical heritage of the city.

2|
Switchboard Operator

Credit: Museums Victoria
In the age before automated telephone systems, switchboard operators served as a vital link between callers. They manually routed calls by plugging cables into switchboards, a complex task requiring quick decision-making, good memory for names, and multitasking skills. With the rise of digital telecommunications, these operators became obsolete, but they still play a role in specific fields, such as emergency services or customer support centers.

3|
Ice Cutter

Credit: Scott Rodgerson
qBefore refrigeration, ice cutters braved freezing temperatures to harvest ice from lakes and rivers during winter. Their labor provided a precious commodity for preserving food and cooling drinks in the sweltering summer months. Surprisingly, well-insulated ice reserves could last all summer long. Eventually, the widespread adoption of electrical refrigeration systems rendered the services of ice cutters unnecessary.

Hmm, wondering if that would work here…

Pretty much says it all.

4|
Knocker-upper

Credit: bruce mars
Before the era of alarm clocks, knocker-uppers provided a crucial service for workers and city residents. Armed with long poles or even pebbles, these early risers would tap on windows or doors at designated times to wake up their slumbering clients. This personalized wake-up service ensured punctuality for those with early morning obligations, such as factory workers or store owners. However, with the invention of affordable alarm clocks and the widespread availability of electricity, the need for knocker-uppers faded into oblivion.

5|
Rat Catcher

 

Credit: Joshua J. Cotten
From medieval times through the Victorian era, rat catchers were individuals employed to control vermin populations in cities plagued by infestations. Armed with traps, ferrets, and other tools of the trade, they ventured into sewers and alleys to rid urban areas of these disease-carrying pests. However, some rat catchers were accused of secretly breeding rats and releasing them to ensure their long-term employment in a given area.

6|
Human Computer

Credit: Jeswin Thomas
Long before electronic calculators and digital computers, human computers performed complex mathematical calculations manually. These skilled individuals, often women, were employed in various fields such as astronomy, engineering, and finance to perform computations essential for research, design, and financial analysis. In fact, the trajectory calculations for the first satellite launched by the United States – the Explorer 1- were done by hand by a group of human computers.

Now, Aussie Pete, that I’d believe!

The Freedom Rock
Watch this video for a really good explanation…

I feel the same way, cat.

7|
Bematist

Credit: Valerie V
In ancient Greece, bematists were skilled land surveyors responsible for measuring distances and demarcating land boundaries using simple tools and techniques such as measuring rods, compasses, and counting their steps. These early surveyors were remarkably accurate, so much so that some modern researchers speculate that they must have used some sort of odometer.

8|
Herb Strewer

Credit: Alexander Schimmeck
Dating back to 17th century England, herb strewers played a vital role in combating unpleasant odors in the royal apartments. These individuals scattered fragrant herbs, flowers, and other aromatic substances on rooms and hallways, in an effort to deter pests and bad smells. But this wasn’t necessarily because of unhygienic living conditions. In cities like London, before the construction of a proper network of sewers, the smell of the untreated waste that flowed into the river Thames could be overwhelming, to the point where drapes were sometimes drenched in bleach to try and stop the putrid stench.

9|
Toad Doctor

Credit: Byron Burns
In late 19th century Europe, toad doctors were practitioners of a branch of folk medicine that claimed the ability to cure various ailments through the use of living toads and other natural substances. In particular, toad doctors specialized in the treatment of “King’s Evil,” a frequent skin disease at the time, now called “scrofula.” Usually, this treatment consisted of placing a live toad inside a bag and hanging it from the sick person’s neck.

10|
Groom of the Stool

Credit: Giorgio Trovato
The Groom of the Stool served as the personal attendant to monarchs during their most private moments in the lavatory. This role involved assisting the monarch with all its toileting needs, and yes… all of them . While we can be thankful that this job has disappeared in modern times, at the time it was an extremely privileged position of intimate trust in royal courts. Whoever was Groom of the Stool was often feared and envied within the court, as these intimate helpers were often rewarded with both riches and political power.

And that’s it for the 10 Professions That Vanished From The Pages of History.  I thought they were pretty cool myself.  Not sure how much you’d have to pay me to be the Groom of the Stool, but I can see as how that would end up being a very confidential position.  Thanks again to Sasquatch for sending that one along.

Common Sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.

A LOCAL RESTAURANT IN TOWN POSTED THIS TODAY!!!!

Fryer Oil was
$12 12 Months ago
$35  6 Months ago
$50  Today

Chicken Wings was
$45 a case 12 months ago
$175 a case today

Take Out Boxes
$25  12 Months ago
$95 Today

This is the same for all our cleaning, paper, and food we use. 

If a local restaurant adds a few dollars to your meal, it’s not to get rich, it’s to continue to stay in business.

I really like the concept!

My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. 

Went out.  Had a few drinks.  Nice guy.  He’s a web designer.

Whoever put the “s” in fast food, is a marketing genius.

Common Sense is a flower that doesn’t grow in everyone’s garden.

I remember seeing girls wear them

The English word Germans find hardest to pronounce is “squirrel” and in a glorious piece of synchronicity, the German word English speakers find hardest to pronounce is “EichHonchen” which also means “squirrel”.

I hate people who can’t let go of the past. 

Debt collectors are the worst.

My wife just asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive…
Apparently, “Don’t worry babe, your boobs cover it” wasn’t the answer she was looking for!

Husband pinches his wife’s breasts and says, “If we firm these up, we can get rid of the bra.” 

Wife grabs his penis and says, “If we firm this up, we can get rid of the milkman!”

Well, I wasn’t alive in 5/5/55, but I got all the rest of them covered…so what does that make me?  Mostly old?

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would’ve happened if you had just listened to her.

Surnames are usually what your ancestors did for a living so I assume everyone named “Fitzgibbons” has a great grandfather who excelled at cramming apes into a container.

But I’ll bet you made up a location a LOT further away than you first intended.

“Leave the peach cobbler in the kitchen alone,” mother would say, going upstairs.

But I couldn’t help myself.  I sneaked in and watched him.  Watched him make his stupid little peach shoes, taunting.  “Nobody’s going to wear those,” I’d say.  “They’re stupid.” 

But on he worked.

A birth certificate is basically a baby receipt. 

And that is it my friends.  I hope you had a good time with this special issue.  Bouncing between funny and serious may have cause a little mental whiplash and for that, I’m sorry, but I can’t be held legally responsible.  So, until Thursday when we try to get this place to some semblance of order, may I borrow from Numbers 6:24-26 when I say to you I pray that the Lord will Bless you and keep you; that the Lord will make His face to shine on you and be gracious to you; and the Lord turn His face toward you and give you Peace.  Until next time my friends, family and fellow campers in this wonderful world the Lord had given to us.

I want to thank everyone for all the great comments on the last episode.  As someone who does this for the love of it, it’s nice to know that my efforts are appreciated.  Thank you for the very kind words.  It makes it all worthwhile.  

I really don’t know what to talk about this morning.  I have a buddy coming over to help me with my roof.  He’s a bit better at climbing ladders than I am.  I don’t climb so well anymore.  I probably could, but I’d hate to fall at this point in my life.  With the amount of arthritis and bad joints and stuff that I have, I’ll leave it to the guys that can.  He’s also my ministering partner at the jail and on Tuesday nights and the funny thing is, he’s one month older than I am.  He just wore better than I did, lol.

So, he should be here at any moment, so in the meantime, let’s see about putting some laughter under our belts this morning, shall we?

(And all you ladies out there are giggling thinking about laughing at what’s under our belts!)

This link is SO GOOD!  It’s so touching.  Dad plans the perfect pick-up for his daughter’s last day of school.  Thanks to Stephanie, as usual, for sending us another great link.  https://scoop.upworthy.com/dad-plans-the-perfect-pickup-for-daughter-on-last-day-of-highschool-leaving-everyone-in-tears

This next one is from Leah D.

And here’s another one from Leah D.  It’s an

89 year old Ron Chester was stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and was asked where he was going at that time of night.

Ron replied, “I’m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”

The officer asked, “Really? Who’s giving that lecture at this time of night?”

Ron replied, “That would be my wife.”

Cuddling with my best friend

I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People get out of the way much faster now.

A Male mosquito to its wife: Darling I will hunt a Lion for you.

Female mosquito: Ok fine, now go to sleep.

Male mosquito: I will bite an elephant and bring his blood for you.

Female mosquito: Sure love, go to sleep.

Male mosquito: I will drive you around Paris in a Mercedes.

Female mosquito: Hmmmmmm… ok, go to sleep…

Male mosquito: You don’t trust me? I will get you a 100 gms Gold chain….

Female mosquito: You idiôt go to sleep…

Male mosquito: Honey I’ll do anything for you.

Female mosquito: You silly @#$#@$.. how many times have I told you not to come home after biting a politician

Standing watch can be a lonely and boring job and it’s easy to grow complacent, that’s why most times the watchers are sent out in teams of two.

Following the death of Iranian President Ebrahim Raisi in a helicopter crash over the weekend, the deceased leader questioned the furnishings of Paradise and wondered why it was so crazy hot up there.

And to read the rest of this great article from the Babylon Bee, click the link: https://babylonbee.com/news/iranian-president-asks-manager-of-paradise-where-all-the-virgins-are-and-if-itd-be-possible-to-turn-the-heat-down-a-tad?utm_source=The%20Babylon%20Bee%20Newsletter&utm_medium=email

Izzy took this next picture from right inside our back door…

All the pink flower petals are from Mary’s rose bush that has absolutely taken over the back pergola.  I think it is a beautiful picture.  That bunny is HUGE!  No wonder the dogs have so much fun chasing them around the yard.  This one looks like it’s waiting for the dogs to come out and play.

Joe from NJ sent us this next short.  What an incredible story!!!

And that’s what makes it so much fun!  I enjoy this so much and then come to find out that so many of you enjoy it so much just makes it that much more pleasurable for me.

During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, “How’d you do that?”

“I could tell you, sir”, the magician answered, ” But then I’d have to kill you.”

After a short pause, the man yelled back, “OK, then. Just tell my wife and mother-in-law!”

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. 

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. 

“I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE…” 
“I PRAY FOR A NEW X-BOX…” 
“I PRAY FOR A NEW TV…” 

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn’t deaf.” 

To which the little brother replied, 
“No, but Grandma is!” 

One day, 3 unemployed factory workers heard that a large food company was enlarging and needed more staff.  So they went downtown to see if they could get themselves a job. 

After filing out their applications, each one was interviewed and each one managed to get hired.  As they were waiting to be assigned their new duties, a foreman came by and spoke to the hiring boss. 

The foreman told the boss that he didn’t think it was such a good idea as one of the workers had snapped for no apparent reason at his last job.

Also a second was said to have had cracked up after severe mental stress.

The third, he believed was their father who he felt was a bit odd but he couldn’t put his finger on it. 

The hiring boss reassured the foreman and said that they would start on something easy and after a week, the company would re-assess them to see if they would be kept on. 

The foreman reluctantly agreed and asked the boss where he thought they should start. 

The boss replied, “Why not take them and put them in our Cereal Division…Snap, Crackle and Pop should work out fine down there.”

There was an unusually dim girl, participating in a rather deep discussion.

It got to a point, where she made an incredibly dumb remark and one guy couldn’t take it any more.

So he said to her, “You must have a vacuum in your head.”

This upset her.

She looked at him for a couple of seconds and then replied, “Well, at least it’s better than nothing.”

Dear Police Officers, 
You can’t hear us right now because of all the moise, but there are millions of Americans who appreciate you, support you, and thank you for your service.

Here’s another good one from Joe

He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.

– Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

Wow.  I got zero points.  So, I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing…Izzy had ten points, but said there was a few she said she got close to.

“I can’t find a cause for your illness,” the doctor said. “Frankly, I think it’s due to drinking.”

“In that case,” replied his patient, “I’ll come back when you are sober.”

I suppose I shouldn’t say anything since my wife used to (and Izzy still does) go online to find a picture of what she wanted me to buy and would text me the picture so I would get the correct one.

Sign on husband’s desk:
Things To Do Today:

1) Get organized.
2) Talk to wife.
3) Get reorganized.

A family owned a tomcat, of whom it was normally quite fond. Quite often, however, the cat would get out at night and go around the neighborhood howling and screeching and meowing so loudly that people would complain.

The family took the tomcat to a veterinarian, and had him fixed.

A few nights later, though, the cat was out again, and this time he was making even more noise than usual.  Not only that, but a lot of other cats were howling and yelling, too.

The father of the house went out to see what was going on.  He caught the cat’s attention and asked, “What are you doing? You’re supposed to be over all this.”

“Oh,” replied the cat, “He who can, DOES; he who cannot, TEACHES.”

Universal Dumping Guide Translator

  These are the top 10 dumping lies translated  to their true meanings for all of you.

“I’m not ready for that type of commitment”

     Translation:
I don’t want to date you; however, you can take me out to dinner and a movie every once in a while. Just don’t hang around me so much that you scare away the people I really want to date.

 

“God doesn’t want me to date right now. “

     Translation:
I don’t know why I said ‘yes’ in the first place. God doesn’t want me to date someone as ugly as you.

 

“I only date older men/women.”

     Translation:
I only date older men/women who have more money than you do.

 

“You’re just not my type.”

     Translation:
When I look at you, and think of kissing you, I get physically sick.

 

“You’re too good for me.”

     Translation:
I’m too good/much/cool for you.

 

“You’re too much like a brother/sister”

     Translation:
I like you, but you just don’t turn me on.

 

“You’ll always have a special place in my heart.”

     Translation:
My lawyer will contact you soon about the restraining order.

 

“I think we should date other people.”

     Translation:
Look, I’m late for my date, he/she’s probably waiting in the parking lot. I’ve got to go.

 

“I just don’t have the time to date anyone.”

     Translation:
You do realize that I’ve been avoiding you for months now.

 

“Maybe we can get together real soon.”

     Translation:
Perhaps if you were the last man/woman on Earth.

There was a young lady at sea 
Who said “Gosh, how it hurts me to pee.” 
“I see,” said the mate, 
“That accounts for the state 
Of the Captain, the purser, and me.”

Short skirts have a tendency to make men polite. 

Have you ever seen a man get on a bus ahead of one?

I had this meme that I was going to use earlier than thought I’d save it for the end and now it’s working it’s way into The Last Word.  Here it is.

First of all, do I need to explain who Paul is and why he would send us a letter?  1 Corinthians?  2 Corinthians? Galatians?  Ephesians?  Romans?  Any of these ring a bell?  Okay, then we’re on the same page.

Now, The Bible is the Word of God and it’s pretty straight forward.  I wrote a piece not too long ago about how there is no such thing as a Progressive Christian Church.  Not in the sense that most of them mean it.  

Recently, the United Methodist Church had their conference or one of their conferences and they had the speakers introduce themselves.  Rather than stand up and say who they were and where they were from, such as, “Good evening, I’m John Smith and I’m the Pastor at Anytown Methodist Church in Tennessee.”  They changed it all around and this is how they introduced themselves, “Hi, I’m John Smith, gay male, married to William, Pastor at Anytown Methodist Church in Tennessee and my pronouns are he/him.”

And although each church has to buy their way out of the United Methodist Church umbrella because part of joining was ceding all the property and buildings over to the group and even the smaller churches must pay tens of thousands of dollars and the larger ones in the hundreds of thousands to get out.  Even though all of that, they have lost like 65% of their membership because their Pastors and their members know that THIS IS WRONG.  According to the Lewis Center, as of 31 Dec 24, the cut off for churches to “Disaffiliate” from the UMC, 7,631 churches made it out or 25% of the churches.  A good part of them are joining the Global Methodist Church.  Many of them can’t leave because they can’t afford it.  It would break them because the UMC kept them poor.  

They even had the nerve, the gall, to tell everyone at the conference to not contain themselves to the male pronoun, when referring to and praying to God.  I am astounded.  

We’ve got that stupid “He Gets Us” commercial during the last super bowl that was so far off the mark that it may have done more harm than good. 

Izzy just showed me where the Pope is trying to give sainthood to a sixteen year old computer gamer.  I read the article from CNN, which should have stopped me right there, but apparently he healed one person and another person was healed when they prayed at his grave site.  So, there’s your two miracles to qualify you as a saint in the Catholic Church.  Funny, I always thought that it was God who answered prayer and did the healing. (Now PLEASE, any Catholics out there who know the full story on this and know that CNN got it wrong, and by extension, I got it wrong, PLEASE write to me and let me know!)

And speaking of Catholics, the Chiefs kicker, I forget his name off the top of my head and I’m on too much of a roll to go look it up, a good Catholic man, with a good Catholic family, giving a speech at a Catholic school on Catholic values and the progressive left went CRAZY!!!  PLEASE!!!!

There is NO SUCH THING AS A PROGRESSIVE CHRISTIAN CHURCH.  Just as soon as you go away from the teachings of the Bible, remember…the Word of God, you are NO LONGER A CHRISTIAN CHURCH.  I’m not sure what you are, but I am 100% sure what you are not.

Marriage is between one man and one woman.  Before someone starts saying how “phobic” I am, yes, I believe that there are people who are same sex attracted and yes, I also believe that it is a sin to act on that.  But, that is between you and God.  Don’t tell me that I have to accept it as being right or correct and we’ll be fine.  What you do on your own time is your business.  

And don’t tell me that I have to use your pronouns of choice either.  According to MY beliefs it is a sin for me to lie, so for me to call you a “she” when I can clearly see that you are a “he” is for me, commiting a sin.  Besides, why should I buy into your mental illness.  Now, if you want to change your name from Frank to Fanny, that’s up to you.  A name is just a name and you can call yourself anything you want to call yourself.

Okay, it’s way obvious that I’ve gone a bit far afield with today’s Last Word.  I guess I hit a hot button.  Well, I KNOW I hit a hot button, but it’s not really where I intended to go when I first sat down to write.  But, it very rarely is.  Maybe I just should have said it was a Dragon Rant to begin with.  It is just getting more and more frustrating to me, seeing where our country is headed, knowing what has to be done, ministering to so many people and wondering if any of it is making any kind of difference at all.  

Asking God, what else can I be doing?  Father, You know what my talents are, how else can I be using them to help fulfill Your Great Commission?  I know You don’t call the able, You enable the called.  I pray for the guidance and the strength and the tools that I need, to follow the plan that You have for my life.  In Jesus, my Lord and Savior’s name I pray.

My fellow campers, have a wonderful weekend and I will see you again on Memorial Day Monday.

The background to the above picture is from an actual response from our Grissom ARB Fire Department a few years ago.  There was a fuel truck on the bypass in Kokomo that had caught on fire, I don’t remember how, and the locals couldn’t put it out.  There were flames like 500 feet into the air.  They asked if the Air Force could help out.  Well, we have foam for aircraft fires and yeah, we got it out.  

So, I did some searching on line and here is the article from our Public Affairs office that was published on June 26, 2020.

Grissom FD extinguishes tanker fire

 

• Published June 26, 2020
• By Staff Sgt. Joshua Weaver
• 434th ARW Public Affairs

Grissom Air Reserve Base —  

There’s nothing like a 75-foot tornado of fire coming from a fuel tanker truck to make an incident commander look for mutual aid options.

That was the scenario June 19, when the Kokomo Fire Department came upon a tanker truck fire on U.S. 31 North in Kokomo, Indiana.

At approximately 10:45 p.m. that night a semi-trailer carrying gasoline caught fire when the trailer brakes locked up. The driver called 911 and Kokomo first responders arrived on scene to see the fire had spread from the brakes to the trailer filled with gasoline.

Kokomo’s incident commander then requested mutual aid from the Grissom Fire Department.

“Mutual aid was requested from Grissom due to our resources, including aircraft rescue firefighting vehicles with foam capability,” said John Ireland, Grissom fire chief.  (John Ireland has actually won the Fire Chief of the Year Award for the State of Indiana as a little bitty Air Reserve Base Fire Chief.  He was THAT good!  He has since retired.  He has forgotten more about fighting fires than many Fire Chiefs learn in their whole careers.)

Grissom responded to the request with six firefighters and three vehicles, Crash 3 and Tanker 10, both heavily equipped fire trucks designed to combat a variety of scenarios including an aircraft incident, and a command vehicle.

“The tanker was leaking fuel onto the roadway with streams of fire going in different directions on both sides of the tanker,” said Jason Cahill, Grissom firefighter. 

With Cahill and John Denham working the bumper and roof turrets Grissom was able to suppress both of the running fuel fires with a foam/water mixture.

“One of the challenges we faced was the location of the incident,” Cahill said. “We didn’t have access to a continuous water supply.”

Crash 3 made an extensive initial attack with 1,500 gallons mixed with the foam concentrate, while Tanker 10 came behind and resupplied Crash 3 with an additional 4,000 gallons of water.

Once all the water on site was used, a Howard County Water Tanker Task Force, established a water shuttle to help keep the Crash 3 stay on the attack.

With the running fuel lines extinguished, Crash 3 switched its attack to focus on the tanker trailer itself to extinguish the source of the fire.

“We were able to knock down the ‘seat’ of the fire in a relatively short period of time,” Cahill said.

With the fires knocked down, a waiting game began.

“We had to ensure that the foam blanket we put down was enough to contain fuel vapors from re-igniting from the heat that remained in the burned materials,” Cahill said.

Battling the blaze, Grissom used approximately 5,000 gallons of water with a mixture of 130 gallons of aqueous film forming foam.

After waiting until things cooled down, Grissom fire was released from the scene and it was turned over to the Indiana Environmental Protection Agency and the Indiana Department of Environmental Management for proper decontamination and restoration of the area.

“Events like this are why mutual aid agreements are very important to each department,” Ireland said. “They allow federal fire departments such as Grissom to use resources and manning of installation personnel and equipment. Emergencies like this one are so large in scale that it takes multi-jurisdictional responses to mitigate them.”

Grissom’s fire department is manned 24-7 ensuring the safety and protection of the 434^th Air Refueling Wing’s 16 KC-135R Stratotankers.

Mutual aid agreements not only help to serve the local community but also help keep Grissom firefighters trained.

“Responding off-base exposes our members to different types of emergencies that may not routinely happen on the installation,” Cahill added.

“Given the fuel load of a Stratotanker, in the tragic event of a KC-135 fire, the tactics used on this semi-truck tanker fire are nearly identical to the tactics that would be used in combatting an aircraft fire,” he added.

The 434th ARW is the largest KC-135 unit in the Air Force Reserve Command. The Citizen Airmen from the Hoosier Wing routinely deploy around the world in support of the Air Force mission.

Stay connected with the 434th ARW on Facebook and Twitter.

And I know it’s gonna take up a lot of room, but we’ve gone this far, so let’s go a little further…here’s a bunch of pictures from the scene:

That’s the original picture from above.

Well, now that we’ve gone WAY off topic, let’s move on and 

I just got this one from Pop Smith and I think he’s throwing down the gauntlet to see if we can figure out what it means.  I got it pretty quickly.  I think the top line kind of gives it away, but regardless, it is awfully good!

And ANOTHER excellent one!

You’re scared?

Good!

It means you’re outside your comfort zone and that’s where you grow.

And here’s another great link from our own dear Stephanie:

AI robot named Sophia gives D’Youville University commencement speech

Just because I like it.

Yup…

This one is Stephen B and it is hilarious!

Gen Z daughter tries to explain what she does at family steel company — as boss dad can’t stop laughing in viral TikTok

Underwater Drone

YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!

Office Prank:

If you glue a dead wasp to your palm, you can smack your boss on the back of the head as hard as you want and act like you saved him.

Sometimes my work commute is a long one.

That is beautiful!

In the midst of a quarrel, the wife bitterly yells at her husband, “I was such a fool when I married you.”

Retorts her husband:” That’s so true. But I was in love and didn”t notice.”

A baby was born to a couple. When he was one, he could talk like an adult. When he was two, he could read anything. When he was three, he could do advanced calculus. When he was four, he could predict the future. 

One day, he made three predictions: “One year from today, I will die. Two years from today, my mother will die. Three years from today, my father will die.” 

Sure enough, a year later the young boy died. 

The father, getting the picture in a big way, loaded up is wife with a million dollars in life insurance. A year later she died. 

The father collected the million dollar insurance benefit, and, figuring he only had a year before his own death, went on a 364-day binge. Fast cars! Faster women! Exotic vacations! Flings with super models! 

His timing was perfect, for on the 364th day, he blew the last penny on a Blue Sapphire martini and an exotic dancer with a taste for overpriced champagne and sexy lingerie!!! 

At midnight, he toasted himself, “What a way to go,” and slipped off into what he assumed would be his *big* sleep.

To his amazement, he woke up the next morning… He thought he had cheated death! He was invincible! 

But then the exotic dancer with whom he’d spend the night broke the news… “Honey, better come quick, the pool boy’s dead.”

It sure does make it taste better to know their name, doesn’t it?  Vegan’s, you can’t make us guilty.

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went down the line asking each person to smile.

Using the size of the person’s smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often each person had sex.

The last man in line was grinning from ear to ear. “Twice a day,” the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man said No.

“Once a day, then?” Again the answer was No. “

Twice a week?”

“No.” “Twice a month?”

“No

” When finally the doctor asked, “Once a year?”

. . . the man finally said Yes.

The therapist was angry that his theory hadn’t worked with this individual, and he asked the man, ” What the heck are you so happy about?”

The man answered, “TONIGHT’S THE NIGHT!”

How do you keep a bagel from getting away?

Put lox on it.

Scientists working round the clock, have decided to move the clock out of the way.

It amazes me how much exercise and extra fries sound alike.

When I was a kid, we didn’t have any fancy body wash.  We all had to use the same bar of soap our dad washed his butt with.  And if we we swore, we got our mouths washed out with the same bar of soap.

My husband suggested that we go to the pub separately to relive our first date. 

So he walked over to me at the bar and asked, “Hi gorgeous, can I buy you a drink?” 

I replied, “Get lost, I’m not falling for that again.”

My wife didn’t tell me that she was having a yard sale.  I went outside and fell into the hole.

Real Texas Bluebonnets

Well, we’ve got his opinion.

I just saw on the news that they’re suggesting that people scheck on the elderly.  I’m usually up by 6 or 6:30.  Bring donuts.

Back in my day, the only time we started panic buying was when the bartender yelled, “Last Call!”

Some people say they have a hamster on a wheel in their head, I have 4 squirrels fighting over an acorn.

I’ve got all that, plus the pain.  What does that mean?

Mnemonic

Thirty days has September,
April, June and November.
Unless a leap year is its fate,
February has twenty-eight.
All the rest have three days more,
excepting January,
which has six thousand,
one hundred and eighty-four.

Brian Bilston

The great news is I’ve made it to my golden years.
The very bad news is there is no gold.

And that is a wonderful place to end this one.  What a truly wonderful concept.  My dear and wonderful camper family…

Boy has it been a busy week for Izzy and I.  We have made 2 trips to Goodwill with a full car.  That is like 4 big bins full of … stuff.

For each trip!

We built a cage for her hamster.  Out of another plastic bin.  I guess it’s a thing now with hamster people.  Gives the little guy a lot of room.  I was just the powertool guy, so what do I know.

Mowed the lawn, again!  I gotta find a cure for that!  I just did it last week!

We built a desk that I bought on Amazon to make it easier for me to write.  It is a GREAT little desk. Here’s what it looks like:

Notice the lights under the Monitor shelf?  They actually work with an app on the phone and change colors.  And if you allow the app access to you music and to your microphone on your phone, the lights will actually dance to whatever it hears or to your music.  The desk is sturdy as heck!  The frame is steel.  And….with the $15 coupon that was offered on the site, it was less than a hundred bucks.  I got the smallest size to fit in the area I wanted it to fit, 39 inch.  But it also comes in 47 and 55 inch.  Each of which is like ten bucks more than the previous size.

The only problem I have right now is that the desk chair that I also bought isn’t coming until tomorrow and the dining room chair that I’m currently using is killing my back!!!

Something else I just realized, I just went down another pant size ( gotta start eating more) which means at my largest, I was wearing a size 48 waist and I’m now down to a 34 inch waist.  That’s 14 inches!!!  That is a WHOLE LOT of grief.  I’m going to share a very short essay I just wrote this morning on grief.  Maybe in today’s Last Word.

But for right now, let’s get some laughing in.

Nah!  I’m thinking that our campers are above average intelligence and will get this one.

Fred and Jim are having a quiet beer one night when Fred announces that he’s going to divorce his wife. 

“Good grief” says Jim, “You and Sue are the happiest couple I know – why on earth would you want to divorce such a lovely woman after all these years of obvious bliss?” 

“Well” replies Fred, “Truth be known I’m just bored with pokin’ the same hole night after night after night. I guess I’m hankerin’ for a bit of variety.” 

Jim: “Well if you want variety, why don’t you just, you know, turn her over every now and again?” 

Fred: “What – and have a house full of kids???” 

My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs.

She nudged me and whispered, “Wake up, wake up!”

“What’s the matter?” I asked.

“There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they’re eating the tuna casserole I made tonight.”

“That’ll teach them!” I replied.

You know you are officially lost when you stop, turn down the car radio, and take off your sunglasses.

No!  And I refuse to believe that is you, Aussie Pete.

Sasquatch, buddy, did you move?

I get this one.  Deeply.

“So, Mr. Taxman, you’re here to collect on my back taxes?  Is that what I just heard you say?”

I have several answers for you.

Do you ever feel like your body’s “Check Engine” light has been on and your still driving it like “nah, it’ll be fine”?

[Slams Book Shut!]  “When I open this again I’d better not read what I thought I just did.”

I lifted up my shirt to check out my abs, and a Dorito fell out…

So there’s that…

Because it’s such a cool picture.

I’ll be very surprised to find anything when the Rapture happens.  I ain’t plannin’ on bein’ here!  Or to put it more politely…I am planning to depart with my Lord and Savior when He returns.

Kids, I kid you not:

there used to be a phone number you 
could call just to find out
“what time it was…”

I’m white, but I use seasonings, so I’m cau-cajun.

The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.

Amen and Amen!  
But most of you know a good portion of what I’ve been through and you keep showing up here anyway.

Fun Fact:  If Celine Dion sang just the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonald’s Farm.

My mind is exceptionally quiet this morning.
I’m suspicious I’m up to something I don’t want me to know about. 

My friend is great at selling home security systems.  If the people aren’t home, he just leaves a brochure on their kitchen table.

After spending 20 minutes trying to get my wife’s bra off, I’ve decided to give up! 

I wish I’d never put it on now.

I thought my new girlfriend might be the one.

But after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse’s outfit, a French maid’s outfit, and a police woman’s uniform,  I finally decided:

if she can’t hold down a job, she’s not for me.

A PESSIMIST sees a dark tunnel.

An OPTIMIST sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A REALIST sees a freight train. 

The TRAIN DRIVER sees 3 idiots standing on the tracks.

Well, today my neighbors spoke to me.  So I did what I had to do.  I strapped a monitor on my ankle, went outside with my shirt on inside out, and argued with a pine tree.  That should hold them off for a while.

A guest checked in at a run-down hotel. 

“The room is twenty dollars a night,” said the manager, “but it’s only ten if you make your own bed.”

“Okay,” said the guest.  “I’ll make my own bed.” 

“Stay there,” said the manager.  “I’ll get you some nails and wood.”

My wife asked me if I thought the kids were spoiled. 

I said, “I think most kids just smell that way.”

I choked on a carrot this afternoon and all I could think was, “I bet a donut wouldn’t have done this to me.”

Me at the pet store:  I would like to get a puppy for my wife.  

Clerk:  I am sorry sir, we don’t take trades.

A regular customer comes in the store and asks, “What do you call it when 1 cow is spying on another cow?”

I said, “I dunno, what?” 

He replies, “A steak out!”

And that’s it…but before we go for this issue, like I said, I’m going to give you my new essay that I’ve been working on a little bit.  That’s going to be today’s…

May God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.

Busy week this week.  Starting a new Bible study group tonight (Tuesday) that runs for 9 weeks.  Had a meeting last night for SAPC (Substance Abuse Prevention Council).  And have Jail ministry tomorrow night.  I think it’s getting closer and closer for time for me to retire so I have more time for all my extracurricular activity.  LOL.  

Izzy Dragon and I have doctor’s appointments today, so I took the day off today and I want to try to get a little bit of Thursday’s issue knocked out or I don’t think I’ll have time to get it done.  So, let’s jump right into the meaty stuff, shall we?

   🙂     A ‘NICE TRY’ JOKE     🙂

 A University Vice-Chancellor was hosting a dinner party for his professor colleagues, and Bob his chauffeur was invited too.

The main course of the meal was to be beef tongue,  his cook’s speciality, which all his professor friends were aware of as they eagerly anticipated a superb meal.

The butler, with pomp and ceremony, brought in the beef tongue on a large silver platter,  but unfortunately, tripped, and the whole meal slid off the platter and fell to the floor.

There was a shocked dead silence in the room. But the quick-thinking host saved the day by saying ………..“It’s O.K. folks, it was simply a Lapsus Linguae !”

His colleagues all roared with laughter, as they knew that Lapsus Linguae is the Latin term for ‘A SLIP OF THE TONGUE’.

Bob was hugely impressed with the way the situation was defused, and decided to host a dinner party himself and try the same trick. Bob invited all the other guests to a dinner, hired a butler and instructed him to slip and drop the meal, the same way as he’d seen before.

Upon the planned drop, he proudly announced to his guests in a loud voice …….“It’s O.K. folks, it was simply a Lapsus Linguae!”

There was a shocked dead silence in the room.

He was serving roast chicken.

This next one was sent in by Lynn.  It is a great bit of protest.  Lynn writes:

A man that kept his boat beside his house was ordered by the city to put up a fence to hide the boat from view.

So, he built the fence and hired someone to paint it. Boom!

And in reference to last issue, our friend Stephen B writes in: I have this hanging up in my den.  (It is not crooked, it is the way I took the picture.)

And don’t’ forget Mr. Sluggo…….”Oh No! He’s going to be mean to me!”

I AGREE!!!!!  Who’s with us??!!

Long lost cousin Eddy.  He’s of mixed blood, but we don’t talk about it.

Me too!

Don’t let a man go alone to pick out an engagement ring. He’ll do something stupid, like pick one he can afford.

A man, in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. 

“Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!” the man said. 

“Aw, Dad, it’s okay,” the son said. “The police car right behind us did the same thing.” 

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. 

They were ready to discuss the last one. 

The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. 

Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou shall not take the covers off the neighbour’s wife.” 

Now this is who we need protecting our southern border

I’m going to go along with Joe from NJ and give this one a “Possibly True”.  Some of them I’ve heard before and some not.

Things we Brits say….. 

Going round the Bend…. 
The Victorians built hospitals to house the mentally unsound. At the time, stately homes were built with long straight driveways so that the house could be seen in all its grandeur from the main road. Mental homes however, were placed at the end of long curved drives so that they would remain unseen by passers by. To ‘go round the bend’ has meant to be confined in a mental home ever since. 

Pay Through the Nose…. 
When the Vikings invaded ninth century Britain, they brought with them their violent customs and imposed strict tax laws on the locals. (Aye, and you thought it was a scheme thought up by our current Government) Attention now, any citizen refusing to pay would either have his nostrils slit open or his nose cut off. Only when English king Eldred beat Viking leader Eric Bloodaxe (it’s true, that was his name) in 954 at the battle of Stainmore did the practice stop. However the phrase remained to imply paying dearly for something through 
the nose.   

To The Bitter End…. 
This phrase has come to mean the end of one’s endurance.The “bitt” is a post at a ship’s prow to which the end of an anchor’s cable is fastened. If all the anchor cable has been let out, you have come to the 
bitter end.    

Flogging a Dead Horse…. 
A ceremony held by British crews when they had been at sea four weeks and had worked off their initial advance, usually one month’s wages (and usually long gone). The term ‘flogging a dead horse’ alludes to the difficulty of getting any extra work from a crew during this period, since, to them, it felt as though they were working for nothing. 

It’s Raining Cats and Dogs…. 
Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw pilede high. It was the only place for animals to get warm,so all the pets, dogs, cats and other small aminals, mice rats, bugs, lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof.    Burning a Candle at Both Ends…. Once upon a time the only light in a house was provided by the taper. This was kept alight usually on a holder beside the fire.. It provided a small amount of light. If a special vistors came and more light was demanded then the taper was lit both ends.   

That’s a Turn Up for the Book….. 
“Turn up for the book” is when no one has backed the winner and the bookmaker has a clear book.    

The Full NineYards…. 
“The Full NineYards” which I believe (despite all sorts of alternatives) is the length of the ammunition belt used in the standard ammunition container of the machine gun but I don’t know if it was the Vickers or the Maxim. Hence going `The Full Nine Yards” means emptying a whole belt of ammunition at a target – giving as much as you possibly could.    

The Full Monty…. 
A breakfast at The Dobbins Inn in Carrickfergus  comprising of anything that wandered through the kitchen whilst the cook had the frying pan on the hob, the origin is believed to be from Montague Burton, a British tailor, and refers to when a customer would buy himself a new outfit from head to toe including everything seen and unseen.    

Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey…. 
Every sailing ship had to have cannon for protection. Cannon of the times used round iron cannonballs. The master wanted to store the cannon balls such that they could be of instant use when needed, yet not roll around the gun deck. The solution was to stack them up in a square-based pyramid next to the cannon. The top level of the stack had one ball, the next level down had four, the next had nine, the next had sixteen, and so on. Four levels would provide a stack of 30 cannonballs. The only real problem was how to keep the bottom level from sliding out from under the weight of the higher levels. To do this, they devised a small brass plate (“brass monkey”) with one rounded indentation for each cannonball in the bottom layer. Brass was used because the cannonballs wouldn’t rust to the “brass monkey”, but would have rusted to an iron one. When temperature falls, brass contracts in size faster than iron. As it got cold on the gundecks, the indentations in the brass monkey would get smaller than the iron cannonballs they were holding. If the temperature got cold enough, the bottom layer would pop out of the indentations spilling the entire pyramid over the deck. Thus it was, quite literally, “cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey.”    

The Clink …. 
This word for a prison referes not to the sound of rattling chains, but to the name of a prison in an area of 13th century London known as, The Liberty of Clink.  Just south of the Thames, the prison lay outside London jurisdiction and so was notorious for brutal punishment ( unlike the namby-pamby sentences of today) Owned by the Bishop of Winchester ( note how the clergy are in there earning a fast buck) inmates at The Clink could expect to be burned with boiling oil, forced to stand in cold water until their feet rotted, or crushed under weights. ( Such was the quality of mercy shown by the religious bodies of the time.) Payment to the church coffers could free you however, so those rich enough to buy favour made the bishop rich, that is until rioters destroyed the prison in 1780. (Come to think of it, if it was financially rewarding to surpress the masses, the Church always led the way. )    

Keep your nose to the grindstone…. 
Concentrate on working hard. In Victorian England, there were many knife grinder’s workshops. Workers lay flat on their fronts and held the blades against grindstones.    

Keep your pecker up…. Remain cheerful. This is the English pecker, i.e. mouth, as opposed to the 
American, i.e. penis.    

Keep your powder dry…. Be prepared. The allusion is to gunpowder which soldiers had to keep dry in order to be ready to fight when required.    

Kick the bucket …. 
Die. The wooden frame that slaughtered animals were hung from is known as a bucket. The death spasms of the animals caused them to kick the bucket.    

Know the ropes…. 
To understand how an organisation works. Nautical origin, where sailors had to learn which rope raised which sail. 
Interesting….innit?  

Indiana French Lick Springs, Law

Passed a law requiring all black cats to wear bells on Friday the 13th.

Speaking of laws: We are talking about little Bible belt, northern Indiana counties.  This happened where I live.  We recently had a little campground, very family oriented with a nice pool and a great frisbee golf course, that we actually held a couple of dart tournaments at.  We built some travel boards, set them up outside on the patio by the pool and held a couple of charity events.  Anyway, a couple of my friends, my dart family, I love them like family (you guys are still my favorites, though) used to go there every year.  Lots of little kids running around, always loud and noisy and family and fun.  You know what I mean.

Anyway, the owners sold the campground, I don’t know why, to another owner(s) who decided that they were going to be LGB (so called) T (whatever other initials they are using now) friendly.  That doesn’t go over very well around here, but most people are also understanding and welcoming and keep it to yourself and all is well, right?

Well, that wasn’t good enough.  

Then they decided to go clothing optional.

As you can well imagine, people were a bit upset.

So, at the last county commissioners meeting, they were considering a bill to somehow limit what the campground could do.  Such as limiting the nudity to the pool area IF they put up a fence at least 8 feet high but no more than 11 feet (or something like that) and that everyone had to be fully clothed going to and from.  They also allowed comments from the public, which they normally do for these meetings, but to which normally there aren’t many people who attend.

This time was quite different.

Standing room only, many of our church members were there, as well as many church members from other local churches.  I was in jail that night. 

The commissioners debating the bill and tried to narrow down the restrictions and be as fair as they could and one commissioner fighting back and responding to the crowd that “if you don’t want to see the nudity, don’t go out there” and the crowd got to make statements and got rowdier and angrier and they finally closed off that topic saying they would discuss it further.  In other words, not reaching a decision.  

Most of the crowd left at that point.  

When the commissioners came back after a short break, one of them made a motion to just cut to the chase.  “I make a motion to outlaw nudity in our county completely.”

It was seconded, voted on, and passed with only the one person casting a “nay” vote.  It was all over and done with in about 30 seconds.  All because one of them was just sick of it all.

It is really going to annoy the one bar in the county who was doing the topless dancing and the other one (right outside the base, of course) that is quite a bit raunchy.

Sometimes it’s nice to live in a little town.  Things can get done really quickly.

A prominent young attorney is on his way to court when he gets hit by a bus.

Suddenly he’s at the Pearly Gates facing St. Peter. He protests.

” This is a mistake! I’m much too young to die! I’m only 35!” 

St. Peter replies, “Gee, that’s funny. Based on the number of hours you’ve billed to clients we thought you had to be at least 107.”

I WANT ONE!!!!!

Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something. 

– last words of Pancho Villa (1877-1923)

And they even look better

I blame my mother for my poor sex life. 

All she told me was, “the man goes on top and the woman underneath.” 

For three years my wife and I slept on bunk beds.

When my friend first posted this, I said I don’t know what it means, but I’m resonating with #7.  Then someone else asked what kind of a feeling are you getting from #9?  I replied, I don’t know about a feeling, but I just keep hearing Izzy screaming in a high, squeaky voice, “Eeeek!  Spider!”

Kentucky Law 

“No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club.” 

An amendment to the above legislation: “The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to female horses. 

Wow!  Just…wow!

That is hilarious! 

That would have been about 2 years before I started driving.

Some of us at Dragon Laffs still do.

And the Presidential Edict to change Title 9 goes a long way to force this down our throats.  More governors need to stand up and say, “We will not comply.”

Amen and Amen!  It no longer surprises me when I hear of someone with a job that pays around $200k a year is a multimillionaire in two years.  

Aliens are going to be super confused when they show up threatening to overthrow our leaders and we’re all stoked and offer to help.

Definitive proof of Global Warming and how the polar ice caps are melting and the oceans are rising… um…. right?   Yeah, no.  Not so much you idiots.  Does anyone really think that this planet is not going to last just as long as God wants it to last?

New Survivor Series: 16 politicians teaching in a title 1 school and living on a teachers salary.

Boy!  I’d sign back up for cable just to watch that show!

That one really cracked me up.  

Yeah, except he’s not.  The correct answer should be, “Make YOU pay for their loans.”

Okay, I’ve had enough of this.  Let’s move on to more funny stuff.

My brother Tom was home on leave from his post in Hawaii, when he announced that he had just been promoted to lieutenant commander. 

We were all pleased with the news, but some of us less knowledgeable about military rankings asked Tom to explain what the promotion meant. 

After several failed attempts to get us to understand, he sighed and said, “Before, I was Hawkeye Pierce, and now I’m Frank Burns.” 

Well, the duck is new.

Karma train huh?  Just looks like my normal ride.

“So, Alan, how’s it going with the ladies?” 

“Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects.” 

“Really?” 

“Yep, whenever I mention sex, they object.” 

He may have a rope around his neck, but I think the monkey is in charge.

Ten ways to realize your Internet connection is a little slow 

Text on Web pages display as Morse Code and… Graphics arrive via FedEx. 

You believe a heavier string might improve your throughput

You post a message to your favorite Newsgroup and it displays a week later. 

Your credit card expires while ordering on-line. 

Playboy web site exhibits “Playmate of the year”…     for 1989. 

You’re still in the middle of downloading that popular new game, “Ping Pong”. 

Everyone you talk to on the ‘net phone’ sounds like Forrest Gump. 

You receive e-mails with stamps on them. 

You click the “Send” button, a little door opens on the side of your monitor and a pigeon flies out. 

And for those that are completely clueless out there, what they are talking about is……. (I need trumpets and flourishes)

It’s really just another excuse to play that fantastic song and video!!!  I’ll bet over the years I’ve posted that 100 times.  LOL!

A Texan friend of mine was on a business trip in China, browsing through a department store in Beijing when a staff member approached him. 

“Excuse me, sir, are you American?” 

“Why yes, yes I am.” 

“What state are you from?” 

“Texas,” my friend proudly exclaimed. 

Disappointed, the clerk said, “Oh, I’m sorry.  I was hoping to find someone to help me with my English.” 

How do you spell moron?

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day.  As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. 

The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds’ legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.  The student looked at each of the birds’ legs.  They all looked the same to him.  He began to get upset.  He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs.  The more he thought about it the madder he got. 

Finally, he could stand it no longer. 

He went up to the professor’s desk and said, “What a stupid test!  How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?” 

With that the student threw his test on the professor’s desk and walked to the door.  The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn’t know every student’s name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, “Mister, what’s your name!” 

The enraged student pulled up his pants legs and said, “You guess, buddy!  You guess!” 

Don’t marry for money. It’s cheaper to borrow.

Scottish Proverb

Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear From A Management Consultant

10. You’re right; we’re billing way too much for this.

9.  Bet you I can go a week without saying “synergy” or “value-added”.

8.  How about paying us based on the success of the project?

7.  This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.

6   Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.

5.  I don’t know enough to speak intelligently about that.

4.  Implementation? I only care about writing long reports.

3.  I can’t take the credit. It was Ed in your marketing department.

2.  The problem is, you have too much work for too few people.

1.  Everything looks okay to me.

Maine, Portland Law

It is illegal for men to tickle women under the chin with feather dusters.

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. 

Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of peas at the grocery store!” 

“Really?” he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. 

A clerk answers and Tom says, “Can I please talk to the Vice President of peas?” 

The clerk replies, “Canned or frozen?” 

I guess that ought to do it for today my friends.  I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.  So, until we meet again.  May God Bless you and keep you.