Good morning my dear, dear friends and family.  Thank you all so very much for all your kind and generous donations.  You have been truly wonderful again this year, and again this year we remain solvent for another year.  Thank you.  Here then is the final Wall of Fame for 2024!

I am exhausted.  It’s Friday night and I have an SAPC event tomorrow morning.  SAPC is Substance Abuse Prevention Council.  Miami County Living Free, my ministry group, is a part of SAPC and will have a booth set up there tomorrow morning and I will be there, so I need to call it a night and get some sleep.  I have been so tired all day long today.

So, I will get back with you guys tomorrow, but for now, I’ll get you started with a couple of funnies. 

Why I’m always tired:

And the exact same route (up hill) to get home again.

Isn’t it funny how what we want to hear sounds so much more truthful than the truth.

Vessel Rescued in English Channel After Emergency Call to Dover, Delaware, Instead of Dover, England

Dover Ferry Port – credit John Fielding

When Dover Police Department responders picked up the phone on August 27th, who knows what was more surprising: that the caller’s ship was sinking, or that he had an East European accent.

The phone call arrived in the US State of Delaware’s capital city, but the man, an Albanian, was talking about the English Channel—over 3,500 miles away.

For the rest of this great article that Stephanie sent us, click HERE.

This is one sent in by Lynn.  It’s called:

The Mountains

That was beautiful.  Thanks for sharing, Lynn.

I was going to throw the flag on this one because I thought, “It can’t be that stupidly easy.”  But upon further examination, yes, indeed.  It is that stupidly easy.

The pope is SO WRONG in this.  Not all religions lead to God.  I’ll show you one simple way to disprove that right off.  Knowing that the Bible is the unerring Word of God, Jesus says in John 14:6 “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”  Therefore, any religion that doesn’t believe Jesus is the risen Messiah can’t lead to God and must be false and therefore, what the pope said is WRONG.  And as many of my Catholic friends have pointed out, he was speaking unofficially when he said that (I forget what the exact term is … ex cathedra (?) or something like that) so it was just, as they put it, “the ramblings of an old man.”  So many of them disagree with what this pope has said that it’s not funny.

This next one is excellent!

Boy, ain’t that the truth!

8-year-old drives car from Bedford to Bainbridge Township before being found

• Updated: Sep. 16, 2024, 4:06 a.m.
• |Published: Sep. 15, 2024, 1:01 p.m.

BEDFORD, Ohio – An 8-year-old girl on Sunday took a car on a drive and crashed into s mailbox before she was found later at a Target store miles away, according to a Bedford police report.

Police said they received a call at about 9 a.m. of the missing 8-year-old and a 2020 Nissan Rogue.

After receiving details from family members that they had last seen the girl at about 7 a.m., police began a search.

A neighbor’s camera showed the girl driving away in the car, the police report said. Bedford Heights police also received a report of a juvenile driving a vehicle east on Rockside Road.

Bainbridge police a short time later found the vehicle, abandoned, in a Target parking lot in Bainbridge Township. Police found the girl inside the store.

The girl told police that while driving, she had hit a mailbox. Damage was discovered to the vehicle. There was no mention in the report of any injuries.

8 years old!  I’m trying to get my 23 year old to drive…wow!

Not sure if I used this one or not, but it’s so good, it’s worth using again.

Aug 9, 2024 A powerful explosion at Ningbo Port, a major Chinese port, set off a massive fireball on a cargo ship. The incident occurred after a hazardous goods container suddenly exploded. The CCTV footage revealed a huge burst of white smoke followed by an intense orange and yellow fireball that dispersed debris. The explosion led to a massive fire that completely engulfed the containers stacked above the blast site, causing significant destruction.

These are the things that interest me in my job.  For you, that may have been why your Chinese made product didn’t arrive on time.

One of the things that I hear from the guys in the jail all the time for why they haven’t gone to the Lord or for why they haven’t gone back to the Lord is this: “You have no idea what I’ve done.  You have no idea of the sins that I’ve committed.  God could NEVER forgive me of the stuff that I’ve done.”  God will forgive ANYTHING!  If you come before Him truly repentant and looking to change.  Look, if Jesus was willing to forgive the very people who abused Him, beat Him, spit on Him, peeled the skin from His bones, and then hung Him from a cross and killed Him, (Luke 23:34) I am convinced, without a shadow of a doubt, that He will forgive you for your sins if you come to Him in true and honest desire.  

A study published in “Neurology” says people who snore are more prone to getting headaches. No reason is given.

I wonder – could it be on account of their spouses hitting them in the head all night long trying to get them to stop snoring?

Or perhaps it’s from spending so much time without oxygen when their spouse keeps covering their face with a pillow trying to get them to stop.

An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the God-given responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce children beyond comparison. With that as his mission he began searching for the perfect woman. 

After a diligent, but fruitless, search up and down the east coast, he started to head west. Shortly thereafter he met a farmer who had three stunning, gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.

So he explained his mission to the farmer, asking for permission to marry one of them. 

The farmer simply replied, “They’re all lookin’ to get married, so you came to the right place.  Look them over and select the one you want.” 

The man dated the first daughter. 

The next day the farmer asked for the man’s opinion. “Well” said the man, ” She’s just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice, but pigeon-toed.” 

The farmer nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls.

So the man went out with the second daughter. The next day, the farmer again asked how things went. “Well,” the man replied, “She’s just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell, cross-eyed.” 

The farmer nodded and suggested he date the third girl to see if things might be better.  So he did. The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming, “She’s perfect, just perfect! She’s the one I want to marry!” 

So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born. 

When the man visited the nursery he was horrified.  

The baby was the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law asking how such a thing could happen considering the parents. 

“Well,” explained the farmer, “She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell, pregnant when you met her.” 

Yeah, a lot of you younger folks aren’t going to get that one.

 

So…. okay … I’ll help you out…

While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. 

I asked one nurse what the pin signified. 

Nothing,” she said with a smile. “It’s just to keep the doctors away.” 

SIGNS SHE IS BORED IN BED: 

Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass. 

Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire. 

Only moans during commercial breaks. 

You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show. 

During the act, she actually yelled out, “Oh, Baby, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.” 

Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better. 

Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin. 

Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along. 

Keeps asking “Are you SURE you’re not gay?” 

Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too. 

Starts her fake orgasm during foreplay 

This was sent to me by a long time reader and I found it quite interesting.  I don’t think I agree with it, but I can see as how some people could espouse this opinion.  Definitely an interesting article.

Best case scenario for Republicans is for Trump to lose soundly

Many die hard Republicans are secretly hoping so they can move on to becoming real Republicans.

https://www.alternet.org/trump-lose-soundly/

“The best possible outcome in November for the future of the Republican Party is for former President Donald Trump to lose and lose soundly,” Martin wrote. “Trump will never concede defeat, no matter how thorough his loss. Yet the more decisively Vice President Kamala Harris wins the popular vote and electoral college the less political oxygen he’ll have to reprise his 2020 antics; and, importantly, the faster Republicans can begin building a post-Trump party.”

Here’s the fact check that ABC didn’t give Kamala Harris

During Tuesday night’s debate, ABC News moderators David Muir and Linsey Davis interrupted Donald Trump five times to “fact-check” his answers.

They did the same to Kamala Harris … never.

The vice president was allowed to skate through the debate without substantive follow-up questions or pushback on some of her obviously false claims.

So since ABC didn’t do its job, here are some of the fact checks they should have made:

For the rest of this article click

And here’s our buddy Wouter from South Africa with a BUNCH of tombstones.  Some we’ve seen before and some are new.  I’ll give you a bit now and a bit next time.

Karma will get you!

Quote:

If you are going through hell, keep going. 

-Sir Winston Churchill(1874-1965)

I went to a restaurant that was so expensive that they didn’t have prices on the menu – just little faces with varying expressions of horror.

Once upon a time, in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. A surprising coincidence was that both were blind from birth. 

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. “Oh, my,” said the bunny, “I’m terribly sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve been blind since birth, so, I can’t see where I’m going. In fact, since I’m also an orphan, I don’t even know what I am.” 

“It’s quite okay,” replied the snake. “Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could kinda slither over you, and figure out what you are, so at least you’ll have that going for you.” “Oh, that would be wonderful,” replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, “Well, you’re covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I’d say that you must be a bunny.”

“Oh, thank you! Thank you,” cried the bunny in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, “Maybe I could feel you with my paw, and help you the same way you’ve helped me.”

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, “Well, you’re scaly and very smooth, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls. I’d say you must be either a politician, an attorney, or possibly someone in upper management.” 

And that’s it my friends.  I hope you had as much fun reading this as I did putting it together.  I am now off to do homework…of which I have a TON to get caught up on.  May God Bless you all with Love and Happiness until we can be together again.

Amazing as it seems, the above header is 12 years old.  I dug back in the old file cabinets for it.  It’s one of the more interesting ones.

So, I knew some work was going to have to be done on the Trike, but I really didn’t want to find out ten miles from home.  The Whelpling and I and my granddaughter (she was on the back of the Whelpling’s brand new Harley) were out riding and to make a long story short, the back brakes locked up.  Probably because it is 21 years old and it has sat for four years.  The only way to get them unlocked was to cut through the brake line to release the pressure.  (I rode home with just the front brakes, so needless to say, we took the backroads home.) And the clutch is way out of adjustment or ruined, so new brake assembly and probably clutch rebuild kit.

The Whelpling says he knows a guy.

We’ll see.

So, after having a nice long weekend, I have to go back to work tomorrow (today is Sunday), I will give everyone an opportunity to contribute to the bills this year since now I’m going to be spending a little bit more not only on myself than I previously thought, (so I won’t be able to kick in as much myself as I had thought) but on the website.  I’ve had a couple of complaints about older issues disappearing from the website when people went looking, not the issues themselves so much as the graphics from the issues.  The reason for that is that I’m very limited on storage space.  I’m only allotted 13 GB of storage and that’s an upgrade from the normal 6 GB.  When it gets full, I’m not able to post anything until I clear some of the old stuff out, so I usually go to the oldest stuff and delete it.  

Well, I’m gathering that is annoying some people, getting rid of Dragon Laffs History, which I totally understand.  Sadly, the next chunk of storage I can buy is 50 GB worth, which should give me plenty for the foreseeable future, but for just being electrons, that stuff sure is expensive!  By just adding that 50 GB of storage, it would basically take the annual charge for the website, domain name, email, etc. and increase the price three fold.  That storage space is expensive!  But, that’s the smallest chunk I can get next.

Anyway, here is where we were when we left off on Monday with our Wall of Fame:

You can go to the upper right hand corner of the website, where you are reading this right now and look for this:

Click on that and it will take you to our Paypal site where you can easily donate or if you like you can write to me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com and I can give you my snail mail address or we can work something else out.

And now….

And I guess I should have put this first, but this just in… shots fired at … or NEAR … Trump again!  I’m sure you’ve heard all about it by the time you read this on Thursday, but come on!!!

And now, may I present…KARMA!

Watch this next one quick.  It goes by really fast..

Yeah, I know, it’s an old joke.

This is absolutely amazing!

Q: Did you hear about the divorced redneck? 

A: He wondered if his ex-wife was still his sister. 

Massachusetts Law

In 1659, the state outlawed Christmas.

It was 60,000 bees.
IT WAS 60,000 BEES!!!
And they didn’t believe the poor girl!
And it cost them 33¢ per bee to get rid of them!
Or if you prefer…3 for $1.
3/$1
But…
it was 60,000 B   E   E   S   !   !   !

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. 

“Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.” 

“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.” 

“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”

An old rabbi is talking with one of his friends and says with a warm smile, “I gladdened seven hearts today.” 

“Seven hearts?” asks the friend. “How did you do that?” 

The rabbi strokes his beard and replies, “I performed three marriages.” 

The friend looks at him quizzically. “Seven?” he asks. “I could understand six, but…” 

“Well, what do you think,” says the rabbi, “that I do this for free?” 

An English man, a Scots man and an Irish man were trying to get in to see the Olympics without tickets. So they got to the stadium during one of the main events and discussed how they would be able to attend without paying. 

The English man walked around the stadium and saw a pole lying on the ground and picked it up. He walked to the entrance and said, “Peter. England. Pole throwing.” The guards let him in without hesitation.

The other two see this and are amazed. The Scots man sees a manhole. He picks up the cover, carries it under his arm to the entrance and says, “McGregor. Scotland. Discus throwing. The guards let him in also.

The Irish man is very frantic, since both his friends are now inside. He walks around the stadium and finds a roll of barbed wire. He picks it up, walks to the entrance and says, “Murphy. Ireland. Fencing.”

A friend asked a gentleman how it is that he never married? 

Replied the gentleman, “Well, I guess I just never met the right woman … I guess I’ve been looking for the perfect girl.” 

“Oh, come on now,” said the friend, “Surely you have met at least on girl that you wanted to marry.” 

 “Yes, there was one girl .. once. I guess she was the one perfect girl. 

The only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything .. I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me.”

 “Well, why didn’t you marry her,” asked the friend.

 “She was looking for the perfect man,” he said.

The more the MSM says “Threat To Democracy” over and over and over again because the left told them to, not because anyone has any proof whatsoever…

There was a Chinese father named Cheng who was very close to his son. They used to go everywhere together including looking for “birds” (Chinese slang for prostitute). 

One day, Chung the son decided to go overseas for study. The father was very supportive, and before his son left, the father told him, 

“Chung we cannot look for chicken together for the next few years. However, if you need to look for chicken, please go ahead and I will pay for it. But please state the expense as ‘Shooting Bird’ so that your mother will not suspect.”

So the son left, and after a month, the father received the bill from Chung, the son,……(shooting bird – $300).

Subsequently, and for the next few months, the bill for shooting bird is more than $700. Well, the father could not tolerate this, so he wrote to his son.

“Chung Son, you have been shooting too expensive bird, try some cheaper one”.

A month later, Cheng, the father, received another bill from his son. On it he had written:

Shooting Bird – $50
Rifle Repair – $2,000

I’ve run out of time, but I wanted to give you a final update on the donation front before I go…

Blast Specialties, please write to me and remind me who you are so I can fix that.  I’m so sorry.  And I’m on my way to the jail and I’m very late, so I have to end this right here, may God Bless you all for your generosity, your friendship, and being my other family.

It’s a sad day for many of us.  A dear friend has passed away.  I think it is expressed best by this wonderful picture that was sent to me.

James, you will be missed.  Our heartfelt prayers go out to his family.

I’m starting this issue on Thursday and will probably continue it through the weekend.  This may be one of the last nice weekends I have to ride and I want to get as much time in on the trike as I can.  Not that the cold weather really bothers me, but I want to get as comfortable as I can on it so I can easily pass my rider’s test so I can ride at night.  Too many of the things that I want to do have me coming home after it gets dark.  Last night I rode to the jail for jail ministry and got done about 8 pm.  Sunset was at 8:01 pm.  (Tonight, one day later, it’s at 7:59)  I wouldn’t have said it was “dark” when I got home 15 minutes later, but I was still within the law.  I just looked it up.  I’m allowed to ride from 30 minutes before sunrise to 30 minutes after sunset.  That means that I can’t take the trike to FBI tonight because we don’t get out to 9 pm, that is way past time.  That’s the ride I’d like to take and not that anyone would probably stop me, but it’s against the law.

Anyway, I would like to take this opportunity to thank the people who have donated so far and who have been put on the …

Since I know I’m going to get the question, these truly wonderful people have donated to the the annual “Help Impish Pay the Bills” drive.  Once a year the bills come due to keep this ezine running and ad free and I said that as long as donations cover the cost I would continue to put my time and effort into it so once a year I ask for donations.  And that’s worked out quite well for the last 18+ years.  If everyone gives a buck or two, less than the cost of a cup of coffee, it’s taken care of.  You can donate by going to the website at dragonlaffs.com 

and in the right hand column, towards the top you’ll see this box.  Click on that and it will take you to the Paypal site where you can donate.  Or, if you want click right HERE and that will take you to the Paypal site for you to donate.  Or if you don’t want to do any of that, you can email me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com and talk to me about some other way.

Now, I said I wasn’t going to talk about that and I’m not going to talk about it, so let’s get on with the laughter, shall we?

You know, your friend was right.

And I hope all of us feel that way!  I will always, 100%, listen to someone’s story.  Every time.

And this next one touched me so deeply that I shared it with the other grief counselors in my group and I’m going to use it at my next grief session.  Thank you so much Chris for sharing this with me.  It is VERY special.

I really do love that pig.  He is the best of the bunch with a heart of gold.

Simple, Cheap Food Dye Makes Skin Transparent to Give Doctors a ‘Window’ into the Body

You should be able to click on the title of this extraordinarily interesting article to read it, but in case you can’t, you can also click HERE.

Let’s see if this makes it a little easier…

There’s some “interesting” stuff there.

This one is a classic and has to be repeated.  Thanks brother Joe!

Old man sitting on his front porch in Louisiana watching the sunrise sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

He yells out, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

The boy yells back, “Roll of chicken wire.”

The old man says, “What you gonna do with that?”

The boy says, “Catch some chickens.”

The old man yells, “You damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man’s surprise, he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.

The old man yells out, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

The boy yells back, “Roll of duck tape.”

The old man says, “What you gonna do with that?”

The boy says back, “Catch me some ducks.”

The old man yells back, “You damn fool, you can’t catch ducks with duck tape!”

The boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night, around sunset, the boy walks by coming home and to the old man’s amazement, he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

At the same time the next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

The old man says, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

The boy says, “It’s a pussy willow.”

The old man says “Hold on, I’ll get my hat.”

Yeah, I know, I’ll have to start coming up with a different theme

There’s a really good joke about ex-wives in that picture somewhere, but I’m not going to go looking for it.

Perfect!

Four people were bragging about how smart their cats are.

The first was an Engineer, the second an Accountant, the third was a chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.

To show off, The Engineer called to his cat, “T-square, do your stuff.”

T-Square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.

Everyone agreed that was a pretty smart cat, but the Accountant said his cat could do better.  He called his cat and said, “Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”

Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies.  He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.

Everyone agreed that was really good, but the Chemist said his cat could do better.  He called his cat and said, “Measure, do your stuff.”

Measure got up picked up a 500ml graduated cylinder, walked over to the fridge, took out a liter of milk, got a 300 ml glass from the cupboard, measured and poured exactly 275 ml of milk into the glass without spilling a drop.

Everyone agreed that was good too.  Then the three men turned to the Government Worker and said, “What can your cat do?”

The Government worker called to his cat and said, “Coffee Break, do your stuff.”

Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, pooped on the paper, screwed the other three cats, claimed he injured his back while doing so, filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Workers comp, and went home on sick leave.

I can honestly say that I wasn’t very good at that.  Which may be why I’ve had so many trials over the years so that I could practice.  I’ve gotten much better lately and amazingly, the trials have begun to diminish.  Even though I counsel people that all things are used towards furthering God’s plan, sometimes it’s hard to listen to my own counsel.

The old Cherokee chief sat in his reservation hut smoking the ceremonial pipe and eyeing the two US government officials sent to interview him.

“Chief Two Eagles,” one official began, “you have observed the white man for many generations, you have seen his wars and his products, you have seen all his progress and all his problems.”

The chief nodded.

The official continued, “Considering recent events, in your opinion where has the white man gone wrong?”

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute, and then calmly replied:

“When white man found this land Indians were running it. No taxes. No debt. Plenty buffalo. Plenty beaver. Women did most of the work. Medicine man free. Indian men hunted and fished all the time.”

The chief smiled and added quietly, “White man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.”

They should probably work harder on placement.

And coffee is hot!  It’s amazing to me how much we’ve declined.

You may not be able to notice from the picture, but this guy is in an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs.

I’m not sure that’s the smartest thing someone has ever done.

If I have seen more than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants. 

-Sir Isaac Newton (1643 – 1728) 

Looking at his overweight patient, the doctor hands him a prescription and says, “Mr. Smith, you should make sure that you try to take these pills on an empty stomach… if such an opportunity ever presents itself.” 

I have so many questions.

Or put up a picture of a homeless Vet

While I was dining in the restaurant of a large hotel, I heard a loud crash. 

A waitress had dropped a whole tray of coffee cups, plates, and dishes.

Suddenly, I felt a stinging pain in my hand. There was a small cut from the scattered debris. 

I was immediately escorted to the hotel doctor. 

“What happened?” he asked. 

“Attacked by a flying saucer,” I replied. 

When a teenage girl smiles at a boy, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy. 

When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see who’s the handsome dude behind him. 

But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he’s unzipped. 

A young man is jogging through a park when he sees an old man sitting on a bench sobbing.  

Concerned, he stops by the bench.  “Is there anything I can do for you, sir?” 

“Oh,” sobs the old man, “everything’s wonderful.  I just married a gorgeous twenty-year old who’ll do anything for me, and even my children love her.  We have a beautiful house, a pool…” 

“So what’s the matter?”  the puzzled young man asks.

“I can’t remember where I live!” 

A 100 year old man was having a big birthday party at his nursing home. A TV crew was there to interview the man on this special day.

“Please tell our audience how you managed to live so long,” as the reporter. 

“Well, I don’t ever drink and I’ve never smoked,” replied the old geezer. “And, I make it a point to stay away from wild women.” 

Just then, there was a loud shriek in the hall. The crew turned to see a nurse run by, followed by an agile looking, older man. 

The older man carried a foul smelling cigar in one hand and a glass of whisky in the other. 

As he ran by, he paused for a moment, looked at the crowd and let out a hardy, “He, he, he!” and then continued his pursuit.

“What was that all about?” asked the astonished reporter.

Replied the old geezer, “Please excuse my father – he gets carried away sometimes!” 

And that’s it my friends.  I want to say 

To everyone who has donated so far to the ezine.  We’ve made a great start to meeting the goal.  May our dear God bless you all with Love and Happiness, Comfort and Friendship all the days of your life.  Until we meet again.

Let me add a fast PS here:  I’m updating this late on Sunday.  I just went and updated the Wall of Fame.  From the time that I finished this until now, a bunch more people have donated and I just wanted to say thanks.  You guys are doing a fantastic job!

I was just contacted by Stephanie to say that she had to wish Pop Smith a Happy Birthday today.  Even though there isn’t much left of today, I told her I would help her out, so here it is, a Happy Birthday to Pop Smith.  (And I’m STILL not sure why I’m in the middle of this.) And the required cartoon to go with it!

Okay, my work is done here.  Now I need to get back to work, so I can be ready for church tomorrow.  Sheesh, the things we do for those we love.

Cheers, I.D.

Okay, so I was on the fence about bringing this up at all since I have been a bit remiss lately about being able to offer you guys my best effort in Dragon Laffs because of how busy I’ve been and what’s been going on in my life, but the deal was that I would continue doing this as long as the donations came in to cover the expenses.  

September is the month where the bills come due and I had forgotten all about it until I got an email from WordPress reminding me.  Honestly, I thought they were supposed to give me a 30 warning, not a two day warning, but it’ll be okay.

This may be my only plug for donations and either I get enough to cover the bill and we continue to struggle along for the foreseeable future or I don’t and we … I don’t know.   A buck or two from everyone would do it.  It costs more than that to get a cup of coffee.

You can go to the website at dragonlaffs.com and on the right hand column towards the top, just a little bit down you’ll see this:

If you click on that on the web page it will take you to the paypal site to donate.  Or if you want, you can just click HERE and it will take you to the same place.  Now, I’ve been using that for donations for … oh … I don’t know … fifteen years or so, but I understand that there are some people who just don’t like to use paypal or credit cards or numerous other things.  If you are one of them and would like to send something by snail mail or even … let me think of some of the other ways I’ve done this with people … um Venmo, although I don’t have a CLUE how to set that up, Zelle with someone once, I can’t think of anything else, but if you want to try something let me know or if you want my address, email me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs and I’ll respond because obviously I’m not going to post my address here so all the people I’ve ticked off can burn something on my front lawn or shoot at me as I leave for work in the morning.

Anyway, there’s my bid.  It’s time to donate if you guys want.  I’d appreciate it a lot.  I do work hard on this and your thanks and nice words are more important to me than your money by far!  But, your help paying the bills sure doesn’t hurt. 

Now let’s laugh.

The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. “Darling, whatever is the matter?” he asks.

“Sweetheart,” she sobs, “the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone,” she sobbed again, “I found that the cat had eaten it!”

“Don’t worry, darling,” said her husband. “Don’t cry. We’ll get a new cat in the morning…”

This sign not seen in Indiana

Montana  Law

It is a felony for a wife to open her husband’s mail

I was shopping the other day and wound up face to face with this drop dead gorgeous blonde. Talk about *built*.

I couldn’t help but just stare, leer and lust might be better words, at her, so much so that my mouth damn near dropped open and I was almost drooling. 
– 
The blonde caught me staring and rightly suspected I wasn’t just admiring her outfit. – She said, “Are you often troubled by indecent thoughts?” 

Smiling, I replied, “No, ma’am. Not troubled at all. Actually, to be completely honest, I rather enjoy them.”

Granny was visiting town for the first time. She checks in at the hotel, and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him.

“Young man, I may be old, and straight from the hills, but that don’t mean I’m stupid! I paid good money, and this room won’t do at all! It’s too small, and without proper ventilation! Why there’s not even a bed!”

The bellhop looks at her and says, “Ma’am, this isn’t your room, it’s the elevator.”

That they felt they had to put up a sign because it happened that often is amazing to me.

Guy : Doctor, my Girlfriend is pregnant but we always use protection and the rubber never broke. How is it possible?

Doctor : Let me tell you a story: “There was once a Hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he took out his Umbrella instead of his Gun and went out. A Lion suddenly jumped infront of him. In order to scare the Lion, the Hunter used the Umbrella like a Gun, and shot the Lion, then it died!

Guy : Nonsense! Someone else must have shot the Lion..

Doctor : Good! You understood the story. Next patient please..

That would make a GREAT wedding band!

My daughter asked me one time, “Daddy, before you married Mommy, who told you how to drive ?” 

Passing an office building late one night, a pale-haired woman saw a sign that said “Press bell for night watchman.” 

She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs. 

The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door. 

“Well,” he snarled at the blonde, “what do you want?”

“I just wanted to know why you can’t ring it for yourself.” 

Again, no theme, no undertones, just in order as they are lined up in my files.  Just because I don’t want to try and figure it out.

Me too

And you could say the same thing about Trump’s Personality test

A guy was in New York on a business trip and decided to head to a local bar for a drink. Standing outside the bar was a nun holding a tin cup. 

As the man threw a few bucks into her cup the nun launched into a long tirade about the evils of alcohol. She went on and on about how alcohol was tearing apart the fabric of society and how it was the root of all the city’s problems. 

Slightly pissed off at having to listen to this the guy said, “Listen sister, I work hard for my money and sometimes at the end of a long day I like a drink or two. That doesn’t make me a bad person. I have a wife I idolize and two wonderful kids at home. I provide for my family, I volunteer my time to several local service clubs and I contribute regularly to various charities. Yet you stand here and condemn me just because I drink the occasional glass of scotch!” 

The nun was slightly taken aback and replied, “I see your point my son and I apologize if I offended you but the alcohol is such a powerful demon that all who consume it are doomed…” 

“Look there you go again,” said the man, “How can you make such a sweeping statement. Have you ever even TRIED alcohol?”

“Of course not!” gasped the nun, “The evil alcohol has never touched my lips.” 

“Do you really think that one glass of booze can change you from a devout nun to some kind of evil degenerate?” 

“Well, I really don’t know ….” 

“I’ll tell you what, come into the bar with me and I’ll buy you a drink. One drink. I’ll prove to you that “evil” is not inside the glass, it’s inside the person.” 

“Oh I could never be seen going into such a den of inequity, it’s out of the question. However, your comment about evil residing in the person rather than the glass is quite intriguing. I must admit you’ve aroused a curiosity in me.” 

“Well let’s go inside and settle this” 

“No my son, I could never enter such a place… but how about this. Take my tin cup with you and fill it with this “scotch” you mentioned. Bring it out to me and I’ll try it.” 

“You’re on!” said the guy. 

The nun removed all the change and handed him the tin cup. He went into the bar and said to the bartender, “Two scotch on the rocks, and could you put one of them in this tin cup please” 

The bartender sighed and said, “Is that nun out there again?” 

This one is really quite interesting…

And that’s it for this issue my friends.  I hope you enjoyed it.  See you next time.