Well … the trike is STILL not fixed.  I need another brake line and a T-splitter and apparently the patience of Job!  There’s a place in Delphi, Indiana (yes, THAT Delphi, Indiana) that will make what I need whilst I wait, that I will travel to on Monday … will have traveled to this past Monday for you, and we will try again NEXT #$!*&!# Saturday.

The body on the left is my son, the body on the top is my son’s friend, and the body on the bottom is my son’s, friend’s niece.  All of which are trying to fix the exact same bolt. 

Then we got a GREAT comment from our dear Leah D. about this picture.

And it creates the most wonderful of conundrums … In regards to your mosquito spider killer: My granddaughter, Julia, is living with us for awhile. She vacuumed, but she didn’t get this spider web in a corner of the stairs. When I mentioned it to her, she said she left it there on purpose because that spider kills other spiders. I’m still trying to decide on that one.

“It’s a spider, KILL IT!”

“But it kills other spiders.”

“But it’s a spider, KILL … oh dear … wait … KILL … NO …”

Absolutely perfect.

Thanks to Leah for sharing that one.  Now, let’s move on to the other stuff.

I loved that magazine when I was growing up!

So true.

These questions were reportedly asked by elementary children and appeared in a newspaper article. 

Dear God: Why did you make people talk foreign languages? It would be easier if everybody could talk English like you and me. 

Dear God: If you made the sun and the moon and the stars you must have had lots of equipment. 

Dear God: Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones why don’t you just keep the ones you have now? 

Dear God: How come you only have 10 rules and our school has millions? 

Dear God: When you made the first man did he work as good as we do now? 

Dear God: There were no clouds Saturday so I think I saw your feet. Did I really? 

Dear God: I know there’s a God because I go to His house on Sunday and see all the cars parked there. 

Dear God: Where does yesterday go? Do you have it?

Dear God: I’m afraid of things at night more than in the day. So if you could keep the sun on longer that would be a good thing.

If you haven’t tried blindfold darts before, you should. You don’t know what you’re missing.

My secret is that I’m addicted to seaweed. I’m seeking kelp.

I’m not one to judge, but if you don’t clean your mirrors, they reflect badly on you.

 Ordered some stuff online the other day and I used my donor card instead of my debit card…cost me an arm and a leg.

Lif is too short.

A friend of mine keeps a ruler on his pillow to see how long he sleeps for.

An accountant friend of mine has borrowed six manuals now and not given any of them back. I think he’s a professional bookkeeper.

 For Sale: Midwife manuals. (Can deliver)

I use to just crastinate, but I go so good I went pro.

The bartender asked who brought me to the bar. I told him it was my mother-in-law – she’s the one that drives me to drink.

 I went to buy six cans of sprite the other day and realized I’d picked 7Up.

They told me, “Follow your dreams” …so I went back to bed.

I quit my job as a treadmill tester…just felt like I wasn’t going anywhere.

 (My neighbor out walking dogs) Me: I didn’t know you had dogs. 
Neighbor: They’re not my dogs, they’re my sisters. 
Me: Well your sisters are adorable.

Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? You just have to listen varicosely.

Man, I’m old.  I got that one straight out.

A Blonde at the Cinema

 I went to see a movie the other night.

 I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. 

Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out.

“Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse me.” 

By the time she got to me, I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient, so I said, “Couldn’t you have done this a little earlier?” 

“No!” she said in a loud whisper ……… “The ‘Turn Off Your Phone’ message just flashed up on the screen and mine is in the car.”

25 AI Fails That Were More “Dumbass” Than “Future Human Overlord”

If only more people would learn this.

Yes, I’m well aware how unpopular this opinion can be.  How we’re just supposed to deport the violent criminals, drug dealers, murders, and so on.  But, by my way of thinking, if you are in our country illegally, and you are not paying taxes or you are drawing social security without having paid into it or you are seeking medical care in our hospitals with no intention of paying for it … it’s bad enough we (hard working, tax paying Americans) have to pay for the legal American scum that are sucking on the taxpayers with no intention of getting  a job and paying their own way.  (And NO, I’m not talking about those who can’t work, we are supposed to take care of them.  It’s a blessing to take care of them.)  If you’re here illegally and doing this then you need to leave.  Even if you’re not a drug dealer, rapist, murderer, or otherwise a criminal.  Because, why in the world should I have to pay for you?  If you don’t think I’m paying for you, you are sadly mistaken.  If you aren’t paying taxes and I am and you are driving on the same roads, your kids are going to the same schools, etc. … then I’m paying for you.  And maybe it only costs me an extra penny for that family that lives quietly on the corner, so what is it hurting?  Everyone can chip in one penny, right?  Until you multiply it by how many millions of illegals?  Even if it was just 1 million, multiplied by one penny, now it’s costing me $10,000.  That’s more than I can afford.   Yes, it’s a hard stance to take.  Yes, our country was founded by immigrants.  But once we ripped it out of the Native American’s hands and established our own country, there are rules that need to be followed.  That’s all I’m saying.

50 Extremely Common Things That Literally Every Person On Earth Has Been Calling The Wrong Name Their Entire Life

I’ll give you the answer down below if you don’t get it.  It’s pretty easy if you are of a certain age.

And that’s it my friends.  I hope you enjoyed this episode.  May Our God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

Look into my crystal ball…and see…

Mail! 

Something I’ve been very remise about for a long time.  Let’s read some comments that I’ve gotten on the website.

Let’s go back 14 episodes to #2400.  I got lots of congrats for hitting such a milestone and I appreciate every one of them.  This one is from our buddy Wouter in South Africa.

Good Morning Bob.

Thank you very, very much for the Calvin & Hobbes cartoon.

I really appreciate it. So sad and beautiful at the same time.

Baie dankie

Groete from South Africa

Wouter

Then from my favorite nursie…

I so look forward to the laughs….then you post the “biscuit ” photo….now I’m sad…her back flab is bigger than my boobs…sad…

This one from Paul C. touched me a great deal.

2400 is another GREAT milestone.

I have been enjoying the posts for many years now, I have also seen TOO MANY friends and family ‘move on’ over those years. This Ezine has always been a source of enjoyment and distraction – Thank you

P.S. I am Canadian, so ALL political references are stupid/funny/irrelevant. Also thanx for helping me to remember Calvin and The Far Side.

See you all at 3000 and then 4000

The older we get, the more friends we have that pass on.  We hope and pray that they have found Jesus during their short lives and that they have secured their afterlife in Heaven.  We are all destined to be born at least once and die at least once, then we have the choice of either being born again or dying again.

I’m so very pleased when someone tells me that my efforts bring them joy.  I usually have two goals when I do one of these: to make people smile and to make them think.  I haven’t tried to make people think as much as smile lately, but I’m sure it’s bound to come back around.

And we’ll finish off this batch with the latest one I got from Wayne G. mostly because the topic is one that is near and dear to my heart.  Wayne says: 

I really like the last one about whether they use human shields or are human shields.

‘Tis true Wayne.  The mark of the guys who wear the white hats.  They have the women, children, weak, infirm, BEHIND them!  The slime ball cowards, build their shelters under hospitals, in the apartment complexes of civilians, they put the innocents between them and the people they are fighting.  They TARGET those same innocents and rape the women and children while filming it for those innocent’s families to hurt.  Vengeance belongs to the Lord and I KNOW He is a Just God, but the outrage I feel is still there.  I ask Him to take that from me.

Now that we’ve done mail, let’s jump into the fun stuff…

 My wife and I were at my high school reunion. As I looked around, I noticed the other men in their expensive suits … and their bulging stomachs. Proud of the fact that I weighed just five pounds more than I did when I was in high school, I said to my wife, “I’m the only guy here who can still wear the suit he wore when he graduated.” She glanced at the well-dressed crowd, then back at me, and said, “You’re the only one who has to.”

A man walks into a library and asks for a book about coincidences. The librarian says, “you’re in luck, this one has just arrived”.

Me: I taught my dog to play chess. 
Friend: He must be very smart? 
Me: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!

I got a book at the second hand store titled “A Guide to Surgical Procedures”. I opened it up and the appendix was missing.

Does anyone know the price of sandpaper? Roughly?

It’s been a bit of a strange day; first, I found a hat full of money, then I was chased by an angry man with a guitar…

Did you hear about the ninety-two-year old man who married a woman of eighty-four? They spent their entire honeymoon getting out of the car.

Vacations might be expensive, but you can’t put a price tag on arguing with your family in a different city.

A new version of Microsoft Office leaked online. Microsoft had to cancel their plans after the Word got out.

 Trying to think of a tree pun but I’m stumped. However, I have been working on a pun about the wind. I can’t post it yet, it’s just a draft.

I bought a frozen pizza from the store and it says on the box, “Cook for between 20 and 22 minutes.”…now, I’m no genius, but isn’t that 21 minutes?

I’ve put my scale in the corner of the bathroom and that’s where the little liar can stay until she apologizes.

Was surprised to open the front door and find a piano tuner. I told him I hadn’t called him. He told me my neighbors had.

Just got my electric bill. When you come over, please use the flashlight on your phone.

My bank called me regarding suspicious activity on my account. They didn’t believe I bought a gym membership.

 A fella once asked me what a hoedown was, and I told him it’s like a shindig, but more like a hootnanny. I could tell he was still confused because his face went all cattywampus.

A research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd porpoise on one of its trips. 

Its peculiarity was that it had feet. 

After they had photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free. 

“Wait a minute,” said one of the researchers, “Wouldn’t it be a kindness if our ship’s doctor here were to amputate the feet so that it would be like other porpoises?” 

“Not on your life,” exclaimed the doctor, “That would be defeeting the porpoise.”

One day a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. “How did I get here, Mommy?” she asks.

Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, “God sent you, Honey.”

“And did God send you too, Mommy?” she continues. “Yes, Sweetheart, he did.”

“And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads too?”

“Yes,Honey, all of them, too.”

The child shakes her head in disbelief. “Then you’re telling me there’s been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!”

I seem to be spending more and more time on number four.  It’s getting a bit scary.  

A single conversation across the table with a wise man is worth a month’s study of books.

Chinese Proverb

My friend’s son has a new nickname for his dad, ‘Baldy.’

His dad has a new word for him… ‘heredity.’

Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs? 

She needed them for the darkroom she was building.

And with that silly one, we’ll end it there!

May you all be blessed with love and happiness until next time!

So, do you ever get tired of doing the same things day after day?  

I’m not saying I’m in a rut, because I don’t think that I am, but I feel like I am.  

Now, I know that doesn’t make any sense at all.  I think the real problem is that I’ve always got something to get done and not near enough time to get it done.  Some of it is important, some of it is necessary, but unimportant, and some of it is just plain tedious.  I suppose we ALL have the same complaint.  And maybe it feels rut-like because the last two weeks have felt the same way every day.

BUT!  My parts for the trike came in the mail today, so I believe I have everything I need to finish fixing it on Saturday!  I may be riding by Saturday.  You guys may never hear from me again!!!

Okay, so I’m kidding (I think).  So, while I consider that, let’s go ahead and get to this part…

As I’ve said so many times before, because I’m not a big vegetable eater, which annoyed both my wife and my doctor, I don’t eat green stuff.  I eat things that eat green stuff.  In that way I get my vegetables.

I think the Midwest is the perfect example of this.  Two days ago it almost reached 90 degrees here and we had a frost advisory last night.  Right now, as I write this, it is 41.  Only 9 degrees above freezing.  And yet, in a little while, I have to go out and mow…for the second time this week. By the way, today is Friday and I took the day off to get things done.

I took my Theology test this morning.  I got a 98 on it.  Missed one question.  But I have to be completely honest.  In the midst of the test I was convinced I was failing.  It was a pretty hard test.  I went with my best recollection of each question and I guess it paid off.  I’m really happy, but I won’t say proud because I know this one wasn’t me at all.  This one was all because of God getting me through.

Gee, if only we had the technology…

Um….the stupidity and implications of this statement are overwhelming.

A true genius!

I’m not gonna say it…I’m not gonna say it…I’M NOT GONNA SAY IT!!!

It’s gonna take a lot.  That place has been abandoned for a long time.  I think they’ve been doing tours and such, so it shouldn’t be in TOO bad a shape, but it’s still gonna take a lot.

I grew up living paycheck to paycheck…but through hard work, time and perseverance…I now live direct deposit to direct deposit!

For my age, I have a lot going for me…my eyes are going, my knees are going, my back is going.

“You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background,” sneered the lawyer at a witness on the stand. “If I wasn’t under oath, I’d return the compliment,” replied the witness.

Friend of mine won the Philippines National Origami championship. He’s a Manila folder.

It’s hard to believe that bears made porridge and the only thing wrong with hit was the temperature.

This week’s forecast calls for rane, hale, gails, drissle, thundre, litnin, tawnadydoes, and frizzing colde. Just a really bad spell of weather.

Gambling addiction hotlines would do so much better if every fifth caller was a winner.

Every time I’m about to win an argument with my wife, someone wakes me up.

A suspect was charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper! In his defense he said: “I only meant to rough him up a bit”.

Three things I enjoy are eating my cats and not using commas.

Why did the two geologists break up? Because they had a rocky relationship.

Apart from “Fine” and “Okay”, what other death threats do women use?

 I once lost a job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.

Went to the Helium Museum. I can’t speak highly enough about it.

I’m so poor I rubbed cologne from a magazine on me. Someone said, ‘you smell so good, what are you wearing?’ I said, ‘page 12’.

My wife told me I’ve grown as a person. Her actual words were, ‘you’ve gotten fat’, but I know what she meant.

A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices. 

-Edward R. Murrow  (1908-1965)

And if you don’t see this one coming, then you must be really young.

This young swimmer from the Australian Olympic team manages to sneak his new girlfriend, a gorgeous Danish gymnast, into his room at the Olympic Village. 

Once she’s inside, he quickly switches out all the lights and they rapidly disrobe and leap onto his bed in a flurry of athletic achievement. 

After about twenty minutes of wild sex they both collapse back on the bed in exhaustion. 

The girl looks admiringly across at the swimmer in the dim light.

His beautifully-developed muscles, tanned skin and smooth-shaven scalp glisten with little beads of sweat as he lays beside her. 

She’s really pleased to have met this guy.

At this point the swimmer slowly struggles up from the bed.

He fumbles the lid off a bottle on the bedside table, pours himself a small shot in a glass and drinks it down in one gulp. 

Then he stands bolt upright, takes a deep breath and, in a surprisingly energetic motion, dives under the bed, climbing out the other side and beating his chest like a gorilla. 

Then he vaults back on top of the girl and commences a frantic repeat performance. 

The Danish girl is very impressed with the gusto of this second encounter. 

Somehow the Aussie has completely recovered from his previous exhaustion! 

After nearly half an hour of wild activity in every possible position, the gasping male swimmer again crawls out of bed and swallows another shot of the mysterious liquid. 

Once more he dives under the bed, emerges on the other side, beats his chest and commences to make love all over AGAIN. 

The girl is just amazed and delighted as the action continues at the same blistering pace as before. In the darkness, she can’t properly see what kind of tonic is causing these incredible transformations, but she sure likes the effect! 

More than an hour later, after another repeat of the strange drinking ritual on his part, and a whole string of ecstatic multiple orgasms on her part, the Danish girl is now feeling rather faint herself. 

“Just a minute, big boy,” she whispers to the panting bald-headed Aussie, “I think I need to try some of your tonic!” 

She rises unsteadily and pours a small shot of the liquid.

She braces herself for some sort of medicinal effect, but actually it just tastes like Coca-Cola. 

Then she stands up straight, takes a deep breath and dives under the bed – only to smash straight into the three other exhausted members of the Australian relay team. 

A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner street, where the people were going in and out of the cold.  The little boy was so cold himself that he wasn’t really trying to sell many papers.

He walked up to a policeman nearby and said, “Mister, you wouldn’t happen to know where a poor boy could find a warm place to sleep tonight would you?

You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and down the alley and it’s awful cold in there for tonight.  Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay.”

The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, “You go down the street to that big white house and you knock on the door.  When they come out the door…you just say ‘John 3:16’ and they will let you in.”

So, he did.  He walked up the steps and knocked on the door, and a lady answered.  He looked up and said, “John 3:16.”

The lady said, “Come on in, Son.”  She took him in, and she sat him down in a split bottom rocker in front of a great big old fireplace, and she went off.  The boy sat there for a while and thought to himself: John 3:16. I don’t understand it, but it sure makes a cold boy warm.

Later she came back and asked him, “Are you hungry?”

He said, “Well, just a little.  I haven’t eaten in a couple of days, and I guess I could stand a little bit of food.”

The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table full of wonderful food.

He ate and ate until he couldn’t eat any more.  Then he thought to himself…John 3:16…Boy, I sure don’t understand it but is sure makes a hungry boy full.

She then took him upstairs to a bathroom where there was a huge bathtub filled with warm water, and he sat there and soaked for a while.  As he soaked, he thought to himself: John 3:16… I sure don’t understand it, but I sure makes a dirty boy clean.

You know, I’ve not had a bath, a real bath, in my whole life.  The only bath I ever had was when I stood in front of that big old fire hydrant as they flushed it out.

The lady came in and got him.  She took him to a room, tucked him into a big old feather bed, pulled the covers up and round his neck, kissed him goodnight and turned out the lights.

As he lay in the darkness and looked out the window at the snow coming down on that cold night, he thought to himself:  John 3:16… I don’t understand it but it sure makes a tired boy rested.

The next morning the lady came back up and took him down again to that same big table full of food.

After he ate, she took him back to that same big old split bottom rocker in front of the warm fireplace and picked up a big old Bible.

She sat down in front of him and looked into his young face.  “Do you understand John 3:16?” She asked gently.

He replied, “No, Ma’am, I don’t.  The first time I ever heard it was last night when the policeman told me to use it.”

She opened the Bible to John 3:16 and began to explain to him about Jesus.

Right there, in front of that big old fireplace, he gave his heart and life to Jesus.  He sat there and thought:  John 3:16…don’t understand it, but it sure makes a lost boy feel safe.

You know, I must confess, I don’t understand it either, how God was willing to send His Son to die for me, and how Jesus would agree to do such a thing.

I don’t understand the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as they watched Jesus suffer and die.

I don’t understand the intense love for ME that kept Jesus on the cross till the end.

I don’t understand it, but it sure does make life worth living.

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. – John 3:16

And that my friends is that.  Now I have to go mow the lawn….fun times.  Be well, be blessed, until we meet again.  Love and happiness to you all.

It is not Star Wars Day when you are reading this, but it IS Star Wars Day when I’m writing it, so I suppose that is something.  I’m a fan, but not a huge fan.  It was mentioned to me earlier today so I thought I’d bring it up.

So… May the 4th be with you.

There, I said it.

Now, can we carry on with the normal good fun we usually have?

Good, then let’s do this!

One of the greatest memes ever!

Pennsylvania Law 

Ministers are forbidden from performing marriages when either the bride or groom is drunk.

You know, this just makes good sense to me.

Boy, ain’t that the truth!!!

When Mary was pregnant, her 5 year old son, Billy, was utterly amazed, and a little bit disbelieving, that his sister was growing in his mom’s tummy. 

So one day when the baby was especially active, she sked Billy to place his tiny hands on her tummy to feel the baby kick. But when he did, the baby was suddenly still. 

“Oh, Billy, she must have decided to take a nap,” shrugged Mary. 

“A nap?” Billy marveled. “You mean there’s a bed in there too?”

There’s an AWFUL lot of TRUTH in that poster!!!

When my wife had to rush to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. 

One item on her list was “comfortable underwear.” 

Worried I’d make the wrong choice, I asked, “How will I know which ones to pick?” 

“Hold them up and imagine them on me,” she answered. 

“If you smile, put them back.”

Now, to put this last one in perspective, this was sent to me by brother Joe with the subject line of “Been There”.  That cracked me up as much as the joke did.

Hmmm, that could solve a lot of problems.  It’s getting harder and harder to find places to dig holes.  Calling 811 all the time is beginning to get … how should I put this … conspicuous.  This would make it a bunch easier.

On a high school science quiz, there was the question, “When water becomes ice which of its physical properties increases?” 

Everyone answered, “Its volume..” 

Except one wise guy who wrote, “When water becomes ice, its price increases.” 

Tambourine player tased during church service

My grandson, Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When he was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed. Wanting to find out what was the matter his mother asked, “Chris, what happened today to upset you so?” 

He answered, “It’s not fair that I’m not allowed to go to the library.” 

His mother became very concerned and asked, “Why aren’t you allowed to go to the library?” 

With a tearful reply he said, “Because, in order to go to the library you have to have super-vision, and I wear glasses!” 

So Sad…so true.

WHAT IS A GRANDMOTHER? (or a grandfather)? 


A grandmother is a lady who has no little children of her own. She likes other peoples. 

A grandfather is a man grandmother. 

Grandmothers don’t have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. 

They are so old they shouldn’t play hard or run. 

It is good if they drive us to the store and have lots of quarters for us. 

When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. 

They show us and talk to us about the color of the flowers and also don’t step on “cracks.” 

They don’t say, “Hurry up.” 

Usually grandmothers are fat, but not too fat to tie your shoes. 

They wear glasses and funny underwear. 

They can take their teeth and gums out. 


They know we should have snack-time before bedtime and they say prayers with us every time, and kiss us even when we’ve acted bad. 

Acts 20:35:  I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive. 

It all belongs to God anyway and since I’ve given freely of my tithe and generously to the charities and to others I’ve found in need, you know, I’ve not found myself in much need at all.  Not that I’ve had a lot, but I’ve always had enough.  And what more do any of us need, than “enough”?  And “enough” is more than enough.  Thank you, God.

A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. 

“Davy, what noise does a cow make?” 
“It goes moo.” 

“Alice, what noise does a cat make?” 
“It goes meow.” 

“Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?” 
“It goes baaa.” 

“Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?” 
” Ummmm…it goes.. click!” 

Of course it does.

Looks right to me.

That’s it my friends.  I hope you enjoyed this issue.  May God Bless you with Love and Happiness until we meet again.

Well, it seems that none of the videos that I’ve posted lately have come through.  Which is why Thursday’s comment didn’t make any sense about the guy taking a dump in the woods.  So, no more videos unless they are YouTubes.  Sorry guys.  So, if you have a video you want me to share with other campers, you have to send me a YouTube link.  That seems to be the only thing that’s working.

So, today is Monday, even though I am starting this on Friday.  It’s late and I’m working tomorrow (Saturday) so I don’t think I’ll get this one done.  But the Whelpling is supposed to be over tomorrow to work on the trike and I should be, hopefully, please Lord, praying mightily, back on the road by the time you read this.  I’ll try and keep you informed.

In the meantime, let’s get some laughter under our belts before I have to hit the rack.

I LOVE this one!!!

That last one was from Just Pete and he included this note with it:

I was going to include something about weed but, I couldn’t make it flow as well as without it so, I left it off.  I don’t smoke the stuff anyway. LOL  Maybe I’ll ponder on making another one with it in it for you folks that do.  I’ll tell ya, once you start thinking on it, there are so many things that could be added to that list.  What do you guys think, what does it for you that you’d add?

Man, time as gotten so far away from me, I did not realize it has been so long since I sent out memes, been a month now. I will try to make a couple emails as soon as I can and get sent out.

Have fun!

For me, sitting out in the shade, on a warm day, light breeze, comfortable chair, good cigar, good book, cold drink.  That does it for me.

A father thought he had done a good job in teaching his son manners, good behavior, etc.  So when the 4-year-old said to him one day, “When I grow up, I want to be just like you!” 

The father’s heart swelled with pride… until the 4-year-old finished his sentence… “so then I can reach the light switch!” 

A Priest and a Rabbi, who have been the best of friends for years, were always arguing the finer points of their respective theologies, trying to prove the other one was wrong. 

One day while they were riding in a car, they got cut off by a drunk driver. 

The car flew off the road, rolled five times end-over-end, and came to rest on its roof. The Priest and Rabbi crawled from the wreckage and were amazed that they were alive. 

As the Priest crossed himself, he noticed the Rabbi doing the same. 

The Priest shouts, “Praise Be! You’ve seen the Light!” 

“What?” said the Rabbi. 

“You-you’ve crossed yourself. You have seen the True Way! This is wonderful.” 

“Cross myself?!? No no no ! Not me, I was just checking if everything was still in place . . . .Spectacles, Testicles, Wallet and Watch.” 

This is the Dragon Laffs weekly delivery.

This one is from Aussie Pete and is marked as “A Canada Joke”

A patron in a Montreal restaurant turned on a tap in the washroom and got scalded. “This is an outrage,” he complained. “The faucet marked ‘C’ gave me boiling water.” “But, Monsieur, ‘C’ stands for chaud – French for hot. You should know that if you live in Montreal.” “Wait a minute,” said the patron. “The other tap is also marked ‘C’!” “Of course,” said the manager. “It stands for cold. After all, Montreal is a bilingual city.”

Bride: “The two best things that I cook are meat loaf and apple dumplings.” 

Groom: “Which is this?” 

The Secretary of the Navy was inspecting a recently launched carrier. 

The entire crew stood at attention. “I suppose,” said the Secretary jokingly to the carrier’s captain, “you know the name of every man on the ship.” 

“I think I do,” was the captain’s unexpected reply.

“Aha,” smiled the Secretary. “What’s the name of the third man from the left there in the rear rank?” 

“William Jones,” said the captain.

The Secretary addressed the seaman himself.

“What’s your name, lad?” he asked.

“William Jones, sir,” replied Seaman Abernathy.

Oh!  I get it!  Bobcat! (It’s always gotta be Bob, though, right?)

Better than anything I coulda come up with!!!

Zack volunteered for military service during WWII. 

He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola skipping boot camp. 

The very first day at Pensacola he solos and is the best flier on the base. 

All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific. 

On his first day aboard he took off and single-handedly shot down 6 Japanese Zeros. 

Then climbing up to 20,000 feet he found 10 more Japanese planes and shot them all down, too. 

Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier and came in for a perfect landing on the deck. 

He threw back the canopy, climbed out and jogged over to the Captain. 

Saluting smartly, he said, “Well, Sir, how did I do on my very first day?” 

The Captain replied, “You make one velly impoltant mistake.” 

1 Peter 5:8  Be sober-minded; be watchful.  Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion seeking someone to devour.

40 Dumb Crimes and the Even Dumber Criminals Who Got Caught Doing Them

Beware of the dreaded Amish Flu! 

First you get a little hoarse. Then you get a little buggy.

And that’s it my friends.  I  hope you enjoyed today’s efforts.  Oh, by the way, the trike is NOT fixed.  The clutch is fixed…whoever worked it last rebuilt it completely backwards!!!, but the brakes are not.  No one had the parts we needed, so we are waiting for them to be shipped.  Hopefully by next weekend.  I’m so upset.