Good Morning Campers!
Today’s issue is jam packed full of stuff.  So full in fact that it may take a little extra time to load.  If so, then give it a few minutes and you should be fine.
Today you’ll find a good essay, written, and another good essay, in pictures, plus many funny and serious stuff in between.

What a horrible week it’s been so far.
The UN has determined that Chemical Weapons were used in Syria and that the president of Syria, Bashar al-Assad had “carried out many crimes against humanity”.  So, they haven’t come out and said he was at fault, but I’m willing to bet that that little tid-bit will come out on Monday at 1100 hrs when the special UN task force briefs the UN Secretary General.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and state that, with my experience in this area, that the chemical that was used was Sarin.  It’s possible it was some other G series nerve agent but I’m going with Sarin. 

The Government is again talking about shutting itself down due to a lack of a continuing resolution to get it through the remainder of the fiscal year.  Hmm, who’d of thought that we could have gone 11 months and two weeks into the fiscal year and STILL not have a budget.  And now, they can’t even agree on ending the year on a crappy note and trying to start next year on a good one.  Is ANYONE happy with ANYONE in our administration?

And my hometown (virtually) has burnt and been destroyed…again!
Seaside Heights in New Jersey … the same part that was just rebuilt after hurricane Sandy, has burnt to the ground!  It truly ain’t fair.

Well, that’s more than enough to move to the next request, to do what we’re supposed to be doing, to give our very best to…

Here’s a great mixture of one of my favorite men in the whole world.  I don’t care if you like his politics or not, you’ve got to admit he’s funny!  What?  Can’t see the video?  Why aren’t you reading this on line at the blog?  http://dragonlaffs.com Hey, it’s been awhile, why not buy us a cup of coffee by clicking on the donate link to the right of the blog and drop us a buck or two.

The perfect home for liberals.  Thanks for pointing this out to us K²!  I’ve never thought about it this way before…

Their own gated community!

Here’s a great article about a war fighting capability with NO Collateral Damage!   For the whole article and a great video, click here: http://bcove.me/h1kel0mp

Boeing and the U.S. Air Force Research Laboratory (AFRL) Directed Energy Directorate, Kirtland Air Force Base, N.M., successfully tested the Counter-electronics High-powered Microwave Advanced Missile Project (CHAMP) during a flight over the Utah Test and Training Range.

CHAMP, which renders electronic targets useless, is a non-kinetic alternative to traditional explosive weapons that use the energy of motion to defeat a target.

During the test, the CHAMP missile navigated a pre-programmed flight plan and emitted bursts of high-powered energy, effectively knocking out the target’s data and electronic subsystems. CHAMP allows for selective high-frequency radio wave strikes against numerous targets during a single mission.

“This technology marks a new era in modern-day warfare,” said Keith Coleman, CHAMP program manager for Boeing Phantom Works. “In the near future, this technology may be used to render an enemy’s electronic and data systems useless even before the first troops or aircraft arrive.”

It’s football season and everyone has a favorite team.  And most of us have favorite college football team.  Well, that just means that with this next joke, I’ve got a pretty good chance of pissing each and everyone of you off.

~ ~ ~

Why do Tennessee fans wear orange? So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

~ ~ ~

What does the average Alabama player get on his SATs? Drool.

~ ~ ~

How many Michigan freshmen football players does it take to change a light bulb None. That’s a sophomore course.

~ ~ ~

How did the Georgia football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.

~ ~ ~

Two West Virginia football players were walking in the woods. One of them said, “Look, a dead bird.” The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”

~ ~ ~

A University of Cincinnati football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horseback-riding accident. He fell from a horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the WalMart came out and unplugged the horse.

~ ~ ~

What do you say to a University of Miami Hurricane football player dressed in a three-piece suit? ” “Will the defendant please rise.”

~ ~ ~

If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

~ ~ ~

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth.

~ ~ ~

University of Michigan Coach Brady Hoke is going to dress only half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.

~ ~ ~

How is the Indiana football team like an opossum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

~ ~ ~

Why did the Nebraska linebacker steal a police car? He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

~ ~ ~

How do you get a former Illinois football player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

Okay, everybody say aaaawwwww!!!

The Galapagos Island…mapping expedition.  This is great!  Well worth watching … if you can’t see it, go to the website.  http://dragonlaffs.com and if you do, at this point, have to go to the website, then you OWE us a cup of coffee.  Click on the donation on the right and pay up!  LOL!

Anyone know how to cancel a bid on Ebay?
I bid $7 on a “Mickey Mouse Outfit” and
now it seems I’m less than fifteen minutes
away from owning
Obama’s entire Cabinet!
Help me out here!

Published on Jul 16, 2013

If founder Elon Musk is right, Tesla Motors just might reinvent the American auto industry—with specialized robots building slick electric cars in a factory straight from the future. That’s where the battery-powered Model S is born.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it.
“Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”
Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”
“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was… ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!!!!”

And yet another great essay on Obama’s ineptitude…

Suddenly the malcontent Lieutenant Keefer asks the others: “Does it occur to you that Captain Queeg may be insane?”

In fact Queeg is not insane, at least not at that time. He is simply grappling, more and more disastrously, with a job too big for him. Come the crisis of a typhoon, he becomes paralyzed and nearly sinks the ship by failing to give the obvious orders. At the subsequent court-martial he appears quite normal until he breaks down under the pressure of cross-examination. Before this, the officers have searched the regulations for guidance, but the regulations refer only to a captain who is clearly and unmistakably insane, not one who is merely guilty of eccentricity and bad judgment. At a lower level of responsibility, Queeg might have performed adequately, but with Keefer’s question, the remaining respect for Queeg’s office has gone.

Obama’s second inauguration speech may be his Queeg moment — an undeniable demonstration that, in an emergency, he is incapable of grappling with reality. For all his unceasing invocation of the word “change,” the outstanding thing about Obama has been his apparent inability to react, even to an imminent crisis. Like Queeg, he stands frozen on the bridge as the waves grow higher, or obsesses over issues like homosexuals and women in the military as the typhoon rises..

Faced with the worst looming fiscal cliff-fall in world history, Obama, like Queeg in the typhoon, has done nothing at all, but has increasingly resorted to meaningless words. His pseudo-Keynesian fiscal notions and a mantra-like repetition of old and failed ideas, suggest a serious lack of mental versatility.

Economics is not an exact science, but some of its rules are now well-known, and one is that a government cannot spend its way out of a recession.

Yet Obama does not project any sense of urgency, merely a smug, radiating sense of his own greatness. The one fiscal measure to which he seems committed — taxing the rich — is infantile stuff, like Queeg’s obsession with who ate the wardroom strawberries. Any first-year politics or economics student knows that there are not enough rich, even in as wealthy a country as the United States, to have raising their taxes make any appreciable difference.

Like Queeg, Obama shows an inability to change course when such a change is desperately needed. Giving 20 F-16 fighters and hundreds of tanks to Egypt was never, in my opinion, a clever idea. Even when Egypt was an unequivocal friend its security required things like armored cars to put down street violence, not these hi-tech weapons whose only conceivable use would be against Israel. Indeed, Obama seems to show no awareness that Egypt and other major Islamic countries have changed from being friends to something like enemies in a few months.

The dancing is still there, the golf, the celebs, the multi-million dollar holidays, but behind them it is possible to detect a desperate emptiness, an interconnected mosaic of failure.

This does not even consider the exploding levels of domestic poverty. Restoring flexibility to the wage system, so as to give American industry a reasonable degree of competitiveness, seems out of the question.

The Western position in Mali seems to have suddenly collapsed without warning, or without preventative action being taken, and meanwhile, we have had the North Korean threat. I somehow doubt we would have had that if Reagan had been at the helm..

Hal G.P. Colebatch

From one Grandpa to another….a touching love story between grandpa and grandkids..

Stuttering Cat – as explained by a Grade 4 student

A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. “Human beings are the only animals that stutter,” she says.

A little girl raises her hand. “I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.”

The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

“Well,” she began, “I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!”

“That must’ve been scary,” said the teacher.

“It sure was,” said the little girl.

“My kitty raised her back, went ‘Ffffff!, Ffffff!, Fffffff,’ but before she could say ‘Fuck!,’ the Rottweiler ate her!”

The teacher had to leave the room.

Today’s Last Word is a story in pictures…It’s a story that you’ll not forget easily…please insure you have a fresh box of tissue handy.

Check out the man in the first picture.  This is the same man in all the rest of the pictures in the series below.  God Bless him and his family.

If he’s a hero, then she’s an angel. 
Doesn’t it make your own troubles seem somehow trivial in comparison?
Now, go wipe your eyes until next week!

 

Today  marks the 12th Anniversary of a day, much like December 7th 1941 that will live in infamy forever. None of us who bore silent witness to the horrors of that day should ever let it pass from our memories.

Todays issue partly consists of photos and some materials suitable for remembering that day. 

Having lost several friends that day as members of NYC’s Finest, ESU, Fire, and EMS as you can well imagine I have no stomach this morning for witty banter or clever commentary. Any that you do see in the issue was written very early last week in anticipation of this mood settling on me as it does every year.

[For those of you who don’t know or are new readers, I open every issue of Leprechaun Laughs with this phrase as a tribute to the courage of Todd Beamer and several others of Flight 93 who’s heroic actions save the Capitol on September 11th 2001. Allegedly those are the last words heard by Todd’s wife when he called to tell her what was happening and what they were going to attempt.]

[This picture of a piece of United Airlines Flight 93 lying in a Pennsylvania field on September 14 was introduced as evidence during the trial that linked Zacarias Moussaoui to al Qaeda and the 9/11 attacks.]

I found this next one to be particularly on point today

Yeah, the scar means you survived it and you’re probably stronger for  it. However,  it don’t mean it still doesn’t hurt you or make you mad every time you see the scar!

Make no mistake, that’s exactly what the World Trade Center Memorial is, plastic surgery in an attempt to make a horrible scar appear publically acceptable.

 

A survey conducted by our newly formed DL/LL Enterprises Research Group has found that 9 out of 10 Men, Leprechauns & Dragons agree that their wives and girlfriends are always right.

Co-incidentally Impish has not been seen since Mrs. Dragon found out he was the sole dissenting vote in the survey. Should anyone find his body or locate him in a Trauma Center please let us know!

After everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter Heaven, God  appeared and said, “I want the men to make two lines.   

One line  for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for  those who were dominated by their women.  I want all  the women to report to St. Peter.”

Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. 
The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles  long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there  was only one man.

God said to the long line,  “You men should be ashamed of yourselves; I created you to be the head of  your household. You have  been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose.   Of all of  you, only one obeyed.  Learn from him.”

God turned to the one man,  “How did you manage to be the only one in this line?”

Impish Dragon meekly replied, “My wife told me to stand  here.”

 

 

Time for a mood lifting intermission. These guys are a favorite recent discovery of Impish’s.

So I figured instead of throwing him under a bus this week (quitcherbitchin Impish it was only two measly short little jokes), I’ll mess with his head by throwing him a bone. Then I can watch him freak trying to figure out what I’m up to!

Mean time you folks enjoy the video!

 

7 Tips to Protect Yourself from Carjackers

Linda Rosencrance, TechNewsDaily Contributor September 04 2013 06:00 AM ET

Carjacking is an extremely serious, frightening and potentially life-threatening form of auto theft.

That’s because in carjackings, brazen thieves confront their victims and use force to steal the vehicles. Sometimes these criminals even kidnap their victims — or worse.

“The point of carjacking, for the bad guys, begins with them desperately needing transportation for whatever reason,” said Robert Siciliano, a Boston-based personal-security expert and spokesman for BestHomeSecurityCompanys.com.

“Or they are doing it for fun, or they want your car to chop it” up for parts, he added.

To get your car, carjackers could accost you in a parking lot while you’re walking to your car — and take the car with or without you in it, Siciliano said.

“You could be driving and get in a minor fender-bender,” he said. “You could get hit from the rear, but it’s not a hard enough hit that it necessitate fire engines, law enforcement [and] ambulances.”

“It’s just enough to get your attention to get you to pull over on the side of the road,” Siciliano said. “At that time, they carjack you and they either just take the car, or they take you as well.”

Here are seven tips to help you protect yourself from carjackers.

Give up the car — most of the time

“If someone is crazy enough to want your keys and want your car, just give it to them,” Siciliano said.

Throw the car keys as far away as possible, he added, then start yelling and running away.

“But if you have a kid in the car, that’s a different story,” Siciliano said. “So in those situations, you can say to the carjacker, ‘I have a baby in the car. You can have the car, but I want my baby.’ But he may or may not comply. He may be so desperate, it might not make a difference.”

Be aware — and beware

If you’re walking through a parking lot to get to your car, be aware of your surroundings.

“We call it situational awareness — you are aware of every situation going on around you,” Siliciano said.

Be totally conscious of what’s going on around you, and beware of any suspicious characters.

“That awareness may thwart a bad guy,” Siliciano said. “If he sees you’re fully paying attention, he may want to go after somebody else who’s not paying any attention.”

Foil the ruse

If someone “bumps” into your car, don’t pull over on the side of the highway, or in a dimly lit, isolated location, to exchange information.

Either of those locations could give a carjacker the opportunity to steal your car and possibly kidnap or harm you.

Instead, drive to a well-lit, heavily populated area and call the police, or drive to the nearest police station, Siciliano said.

Do not get out of your car, he added. Lock your doors, roll up the windows and put your license and registration up to the window and tell the person to take a photo of it or write the information down.

“Keep your foot on the brake, [make sure] the car’s running, it’s in gear, maybe, or in park and you’re ready to get out of Dodge,” Siciliano said. “If anything happens, you can put the car in drive, put your foot on the gas and go.”

Leave at the first sign of suspicion

If someone is approaching your car, such as in a parking lot or on the side of the road, step on the gas and get out of there — even if the person appears to have a gun.

“Don’t get out of the car and do what he says,” Siciliano said. “Some people think, ‘But he has a gun, though.’ And they think they have to do what he says. That’s all the more reason to go. You don’t stick around and find out what he’s going to do. You go.”

Don’t get in the trunk

If you do get out of your car, the carjacker might want you to go with him.

“Or something even scarier — he might want you to go in the trunk,” Siciliano said. “But you never go in the trunk of the car under any circumstances.”

“You fight to get away,” Siciliano said. “You try to escape. Remember, if they want your car, throw the keys at them and run in the opposite direction.”

Red doesn’t always mean stop

Carjackings often happen at red lights and at stop signs. So if you’re stopped at a red light, be sure to keep your doors locked.

If someone is coming at you in a threatening manner, step on the gas even if you have to run the red light or the stop sign. Just exercise caution.

Be a good Samaritan without stopping

If you see a car broken down on the side of the road, do not stop to offer assistance, Siciliano said. Instead, call 911 to report the breakdown and keep moving.

Umm… Impish didn’t you say you liked the easy open bag packaging of the Weight Watcher Diet Pills and how you could buy them a pound at a time??!!

The following is dedicated to those who went (home) to their final rest that morning, especially my dear friends in NYC’s Emergency Services.

I still miss you guys every day.

 

Dvorak’s New World Symphony. “Going Home” is an old Negro song, its said, based on an old man in his final days who sees his own death.

Lyrics:
1. Going home. Going home. I’m a-going home.
Quiet-like some still day, I’m just going home.
It’s not far, just close by, through an open door.
Work all done, cares laid by, Going to fear no more;
Mother’s there expecting me, Father’s waiting, too.
Lot’s of folks gathered there. All the friends I knew.

2. Morning star lights the way, restless dream all done.
Shadows gone, break of day, real life just begun.
There’s no break, there’s no end, just a-living on;
Wide awake, with a smile, going on and on.
Going home. Going home, I’m just going home.
It’s not far, just close by, through an open door.

Normally I would never ever consider putting the following sort of thing in the same issue with something as dignified and serious as the 9-11 Remembrance is. However because these jackasses have repeatedly seen fit to use the 9-11 tragedy as justification and opportunity to spew their vitriolic bat shit crazy religious view point I feel that it’s only fair that on this day I get something back for the victims who’s memories these people are shitting all over in the name of justifying their warped religious views!

Drag Queen Show Being Held Outside Westboro Baptist Church Compound

http://www.newnownext.com/drag-queen-show-being-held-outside-westboro-baptist-church-compound/09/2013/

We love everything about Equality House, the LGBT resource center erected outside the Westboro Baptist Church house of hatred: We love that it’s painted with rainbows. We love that they’ve held same-sex weddings there. We love the little girl created a lemonade stand for peace.

And now we love them even more because they’ll be hosting a drag queen show in plain view of Fred Phelps congregation of evil.

The Equality House Facebook page spells it out:

On October 26th Planting Peace will be hosting the first annual Equality House drag themed walk-a-thon! We are inviting you, your family, and your friends to all come out and parade around the Westboro Baptist Church with us whether in costume or not but either way raising money for the charity and looking fabulous during the whole event!!

If you or a team would like to sign up or receive more information please send us a Facebook message!

Dorothy, girl, if ever there was a time we wanted to go to Kansas, this is it! We’ve even got some great WBC-inspired drag names ready: Rhoda Ruin, Eva Destruction, Helena Handbasket…

We love everything about Equality House, the LGBT resource center erected outside the Westboro Baptist Church house of hatred: We love that it’s painted with rainbows. We love that they’ve held same-sex weddings there. We love the little girl created a lemonade stand for peace. [I covered this brave little girl in the past]

And now we love them even more because they’ll be hosting a drag queen show in plain view of Fred Phelps congregation of evil.

Planting Peace, the group that operates Equality House, want RuPaul to host the drag queen walk-a-thon.

 

As I said in my opening, today marks the 12th Anniversary of a day, much like December 7th 1941 that will live in infamy forever. None of us who bore silent witness to the horrors of that day should ever let it pass from our memories.

I would ask everyone to take a moment to bow your head and pray to the god of your choice to watch over those who died & their loved ones, those who survived but have to relive it each day and well as those who are dying because they responded to the attacks.

For my part I’ll help you focus on this with an iconic Sept 11th photo for gazing at and appropriate mood music for the moment of prayer. You might want a tissue or two handy If you don’t already have one out.

Eternal rest, grant unto them O Lord and let perpetual light shine upon them.

May they rest in peace. Amen.

May their souls and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. Amen.

Visit thy terrible wrath and divine retribution upon those responsible in their names so that such acts might perish from the thoughts of all men evermore we humbly beseech thee. Amen.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to contemplate my unused BDL – HOU Southwest ticket for that day, thank God for sparing my sorry ass, call the widows of several friends and talk with their ghosts.

 Good Morning Campers!
Welcome to this weekend’s camp services.
Let’s start today with a pledge that we can all agree with…those of you from other countries can remain silent or feel free to recite their own pledge.

I pledge allegiance
To the Flag
Of the United States of America
And to the Republic
For which it stands
One Nation, under God,
Indivisible, with Liberty
and Justice
For ALL!

This week is a very special week in our history.  And I urge you to pay VERY close attention to the Lethal Leprechaun’s deliberate and motivational issue on Wednesday.
It is that important.

And for the “Nothin’ Ever Happens In The Cornfields of the Midwest” department, here’s a message that I got from the state police about an incident that happened last night, on the old part of the base, just about half a mile or so from where I live.

Community: Kokomo Man Taken Into Custody after Stand-Off

Peru – Last night, at approximately 7:54 pm., officers from Miami County Sheriff’s Department responded to a 911 call reporting a suspicious man carrying a briefcase and kneeling in prayer on Hoosier Blvd.  Hoosier Blvd. is located at the Grissom Aeroplex, which is adjacent to the Grissom Air Force Reserve Base.

When officers arrived they located George J. Doss, 47, Kokomo, IN, in the middle of Hoosier Blvd., near Flyer Street, standing next to a small suitcase.  Doss would not identify himself nor follow verbal commands.  He made rambling statements including telling officers they were in a code red zone.  Sheriff’s deputies, utilizing an over abundance of caution, created a perimeter and attempted to communicate with Doss.  Doss continued to ignore the officers.  Members of the Indiana State Policed Explosive Ordinance Team, hostage crisis negotiators, and officers from the Indiana State Police Emergency Response Team were called in to assist the Miami County Sheriff’s Department.

Hostage crisis negotiators from both the Miami County Sheriff’s Department and the Indiana State Police continued to communicate with Doss, with negative results.  Eventually a robotic device was utilized to move the suitcase to a safe location, away from Doss.  On Friday morning, at approximately 2:20 a.m. officers from the Indiana State Police Emergency Response Team utilized a distraction device and non-lethal force to close in and take Doss into custody.

Doss was transported by ambulance…etc, etc. 

The article goes on to say that he is under medical observation, of course, and that he is liable to be charged with resisting law enforcement and disorderly conduct.  Oh, by the way, the suitcase did not hold any explosives and he had no weapons on him.  The distraction device was almost surely a flash-bang because my poor wife was having a crappy night and was awake at 0220 hrs and heard it go off.  That ought to tell you how close we were.
The really strange part was that NOBODY called me out!!!
Dang it!

Okay, with that story out of the way, if we’re ready, then ….

Okay, so this is one person’s version of the future of….

FUTURE OF CHURCH SERVICES

PASTOR: “Praise the Lord!”
CONGREGATION: “Hallelujah!”

PASTOR: “Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon.”

P-a-u-s-e……
“Now, Let us pray committing this week into God’s hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook, and chat with God”
S-i-l-e-n-c-e

“As we take our Sunday tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready. You can log on to the church wi-fi using the password ‘Lord909887’.”

The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers:

·     Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church.

·     Those who prefer to use iPads can open them.

·     Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cell-phones to transfer your contributions to the church account.

The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker!

Final Blessing and Closing Announcements…
This week’s ministry cell meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don’t miss out.
Thursday’s Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don’t miss out.
You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counseling and prayers.

God bless you and have nice day.

I’ve got to get me a pair of these glasses!

A Cat named Lucky…
If you were expecting a heart-wrenching story about a cat that got fun over by a truck, lost a leg, and dragged itself 17 miles after being bitten by a rattlesnake and attacked by a rabid moose, then you’re

WRONG!!!

And what’s worse, you’re not even close!

So go grab some tissues, get prepared and scroll down…this one tops them ALL!!

Meet Lucky:

Washington said, “Be honest with the people like I was.”
Obama went back to sleep and awoke again this time to Thomas Jefferson and asked, “Tom, how can I make this country better?”

Jefferson said, “Love the Constitution like I did.”

Again Obama fell asleep and awoke this time to Lincoln and asked, “Abe, how can I make this country better?”

Lincoln replied, “Go see a play.”

Male Blond Jokes

A friend told the blond man: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.” The
blond man then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
————————————

Two blond men find three grenades, and they decide to take
them to a police station. One asked: “What if one explodes before we
get there?” The other says: “We’ll lie and say we only found two.”
————————————

A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: “Did you find the
shampoo?” He answers, “Yes, but I’m not sure what to do… it’s for dry
hair, and mine’s already wet.”
——————————

A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. “I think it’s got
epilepsy,” he tells the vet. The vet takes a look and says, “It seems
calm enough to me.” The blonde man says, “Wait, I haven’t taken it out
of the bowl yet.”
————————————

A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the
envelope “DO NOT BEND “. He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure
out how to pick it up.
————————————

A blonde man’s dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says “Why
don’t you put an ad in the paper?” He does, but two weeks later the dog
is still missing. “What did you put in the paper?” his wife asks. “Here
boy!” he replies.
————————————

A blond man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him
hanging by his feet. “Just WHAT are you doing?” he asks.
“Hanging myself,” the blond replies. “It should be around your neck”
says the guard. “I tried that,” he replies, “but then I couldn’t
breathe.”

Impish Dragon walks into a bar with a little spider on his shoulder and as soon as one of the guys in there spots it, he tells his friends and they all laugh.

Impish says: “Laugh while you can, ‘cos this spider is stronger than any of you?!”

The man making fun replies “I’d like to see that?”

“Fine, my spider will pick up this bar stool.” So he sets the spider on the floor and the spider easily picks it up.

“That’s nothing!” says the scoffer.

“But there’s more, now the spider will pick up a table!” And Impish’s spider easily picks up the table.

The inebriated men, not letting the spider impress them, only boo it

“Now, gentlemen, this tiny spider will pick up the bar.” and the spider spits on his hands, rubs them together and makes a great effort, but it picks up the bar!

The men, a little impressed ask “what else can it do?”

So Impish says “Now, it will pick up the bar with everyone of us on it?”

Thinking it couldn’t be done, the men start to get on the bar until there’s like 40 guys on it. The spider looks worried but starts walking towards the bar with an air of determination.

Suddenly, Lethal Leprechaun walks into the bar sees the spider on the floor walking towards
the bar, and steps on it “Ach! Ya bloody bunch of fecking pooffters, scared of a little spider?!!”

This guy has got to be some sort of ninja or something!

There was a man who couldn’t stand his wife’s cat. So, one day, he decided to get rid of him by dumping him a long way away from the house. He put the cat in the car and drove about 20 blocks away, then he left him at the park. But when he got home, the cat was there as if nothing had happened.

The next day he decided to take the cat somewhere further away, about 50 blocks. He put him out of the car and drove home. And again, the cat was there waiting for him.

‘This is impossible,’ said the man to himself. ‘tomorrow I’ll make sure he can’t come back!’

The next day he puts the cat in the car and he drives around, taking turn after turn – right, left, right, right and so on. Eventually, after about an hour of driving, he finally lets the cat out and drives home.

A few hours later, the phone rings at his house and his wife answers it. It’s the husband, and he asks: “Is the cat there?”

“Why, yes.” says the wife, “he’s been here quite a while, where are you?”

“Put that bastard on the phone, I’m lost and I need directions.”

Because an increasing number of people are having heart attacks while gambling, the big, high-class casinos are now equipped with sophisticated defibrillators. They are computer-controlled to deliver the exact electric shock needed to revive a heart attack victim. That is, if you’re at a big, high-class casino.

At the cheaper casinos downtown, they just drag you across the carpet and touch your finger to the doorknob.

Gather ye round my dear campers and hear the tail of our dear friend, Lethal Leprechaun, back when he was just a wee lad and was living with the humans and fitting in with their society. 

Back then he lived in a tiny village on the Irish coast.  The village was so small that most everyone in town had one job, and Lethal, actually held two.  That’s right, our hard working Leprechaun was both the local undertaker and postal clerk.

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin, and very proud of it. Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker who also happened to be the local postal clerk to make the proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone: “BORN A VIRGIN, LIVED AS A VIRGIN, DIED A VIRGIN” Not long after, the old maid died peacefully. A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker–postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone she had selected was much too small for the wording she had chosen. He thought long and hard about how he could fulfill the old maid’s final request, considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone. For days, he agonized over the dilemma. Finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem. The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed and duly engraved and it read as follows: “RETURNED UNOPENED”.

A teacher said to her student, “William, if both of your parents were born in 1976, how old are they now?” After a few moments, William answered, “It depends.” “It depends on what?” she asked. “It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother.”

 

– I just found a nickel that’s almost as old as I am. I looked on the back and Monticello was only half-finished.

– I’m paranoid about everything. On my stationary bike I have a rear-view mirror.

– I was visiting a friend who could not find her cordless phone. After several minutes of searching, her young daughter said, “You know what they should invent? A phone that stays connected to its base so it never gets lost.”

– Woman to friend: “If I make it through the day without eating ice cream, I reward myself with chocolate-chip cookies.”

– I figured out why they call our language the “Mother Tongue.” Fathers never get a chance to use much of it.

– I was fired from my job selling amplifiers. I didn’t achieve the sufficient volume of sales.

– Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns…he should be drawn and quoted.

– I wish there was a knob on the TV so you could turn up the intelligence. They got one marked ‘brightness’ but it doesn’t work.

 

 

The above book was Ghost written by Lethal Leprechaun

Today’s Last Word is a great essay written by M. Catharine Evans and printed in ….

It was originally scheduled for last Saturday’s issue until the discovery of the Greatest Holiday Of all Stinkin’ Time! (G.H.O.S.T.)  International Bacon Day!!!  Okay, I think my stomach just growled at me at the start of this and is currently fighting for control of my body.  So, while I fight this battle, why don’t you go ahead and read this essay…

August 20, 2013

Starry-eyed Liberal Meets the Reality of Medicaid Patients

ByM. Catharine Evans

Honestly, I can’t think of a single additional thing to add at this point, except, wouldn’t it be the perfect cure to rotate all the bleeding heart, entitlement minded, leftist socialist liberals through this job for several months to show them exactly what it was they were voting for! 

WOW! a full 48 hours after the holiday ended and you guys still look like hell!  I’M SO PROUD!

Well I was off for 4 days so I’ve a lot of catching up to play here. I took work with me intent on sitting on the fringe of things and enjoying the company and fresh air while getting something accomplished. However you’d be surprised how anti-conducive pretty women in a swimming pool, a cold beer and the sounds of a bunch of pigeons playing Texas Hold ‘Em and waiting to be fleeced are!

 

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification.

Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.

“May I see your identification, please?” asked the agent.

“I’m sorry, but I lost my wallet,” replied the guy..

“Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry,” said the agent.

“But I can prove I’m an American!” he exclaimed. “I have a picture of Ronald

Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other.”

“This I gotta see,” replied the agent.

With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.

“By golly, you’re right!” exclaimed the agent. “Have a safe trip back to Chicago .”

“Thanks!” he said. “But how did you know I was from Chicago ?”

The agent replied, “I recognized Obama in the middle.

Football Eats!

Yup its football season again. Wither its Friday night under the lights high school games or Tail Gating  at your favorite College Team’s Stadium (Notre Dame!) Saturday or Sunday or just watching on the tube at home, the one thing you can be sure of beside there’s going to be a winner and a loser is there will be a lot of hungry people!

Blue Cheese Corn Bread Pulled Pork Sandwiches

Prep time: 30 minutes
Cook time: 3 hours
Total time: 3 hours, 30 minutes
Yields: 24 sandwiches

This recipe makes extra pulled pork to be enjoyed on its own or as leftovers.

(or you know you could make a double batch of corn muffins or use slider bun and give those to people you don’t care about impressing or wouldn’t know the difference!)

Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 – 2 pounds Half Pork Loin, cut in half lengthwise
• Salt, to taste
• Ground Black Pepper, to taste
• 2 tablespoons Vegetable Oil
• 32 ounces Beef Broth
• 2 cups water
• 3 1/2 cups your favorite Barbecue Sauce, divided
• 1/2 onion
• 1 teaspoon Paprika

Muffins:

• Cooking Spray
• 8.5 ounces Jiffy Corn Muffin Mix
• 1 cup Blue Cheese Crumbles
• 3 Large Eggs
• 1/2 cup Sweet Corn
• 1/3 cup Sour Cream
• 1 teaspoon Granulated Sugar

Directions:

1. Season the pork loin with salt and pepper.
2. In a medium pot, heat the oil over medium high heat; sear the pork on each side until golden. Discard excess oil, add beef broth, water, 2 cups barbecue sauce, onion and paprika. Bring to a boil, reduce heat to a simmer and braise, covered for 2 1/2 – 3 hours until fork tender. If necessary, add water halfway through the cooking process to keep the pork submerged.
3. Preheat oven to 400°. Coat 2 12-cup muffin pans with cooking spray.
4. Prepare muffins: In a medium bowl, combine the muffin mix, blue cheese, eggs, corn, sour cream and sugar, stir until incorporated. Evenly distribute among muffin cups. Bake for 15 minutes.
5. Allow to cool. 
6. Preheat oven to broil.
7. Reduce any remaining liquid from the pork by stirring over high heat until 1 – 1 1/2 cups liquid remains. Shred the pork and press into an 8-inch metal baking pan.
8. Stir in the remaining barbecue sauce, broil for 10-15 minutes. Stir and broil another 10-15 minutes to create a char on the pork.
9. Slice the muffins in half and fill with pulled pork.

NOW personally we her at the DL/LL Test Kitchen don’t care for Jiffy Brand Corn Bread mix. We find it to have a bitter chemical after taste which I think comes from the lye they use in processing the dried corn into corn meal. We much prefer Martha White’s Corn Bread mix and I use that w/o any appreciable difference in the end product. It’s all about what you like.

Since the original recipe called for Jiffy brand that what I’m listing here but as always feel free to make your own substitutions based on personal preference &/or experiment to make the recipe your own. For example I add a little liquid smoke to my braising liquid & use beer instead of water.

Either way were I you, I’d hold a couple back for yourself when you put these out there if you expect to actually get any

Blue Cheese Dip with Almonds

Fresh and roasted vegetables, apple slices and pear slices go well with this versatile dip, which makes a delicious centerpiece for a crudité plate.

Preparation Time: 10 minutes

Cooking Time: N/A

Serves: 3 cups

Ingredients:

8-oz. package cream cheese, at room temperature
2 cups refrigerated blue cheese dressing
1 1/3 cups almonds, chopped and toasted (smokehouse almonds really make it killer!)
1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese
2 Tbsp. cranberries

Assorted cut-up fresh vegetables and fruits (such as carrots, bell peppers, celery, broccoli, apples and small clusters of grapes)

Preparation:

    Beat cream cheese in medium bowl with an electric mixer until smooth and soft.
    Gently incorporate blue cheese dressing by hand, maintaining the texture of blue cheese chunks as much as possible.
    Stir in 1 cup of nuts, cranberries and crumbled blue cheese. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
    Transfer dip to decorative bowl and keep refrigerated until serving. Sprinkle remaining almonds around edges of dip.

Tip: This dip also makes a delicious topping for baked potatoes and adds delicious flavor to a roast beef sandwich.

Note: This recipe can be made 1 day ahead.

I have to admit that with a crusty toasted garlic roll piled high with rare roast beef and this spread in one hand and a cold beer in the other you just might not care so much that your team loss because you’ve come out a winner regardless.

There was a young lady of Dover
Whose passion was such that it drove her.
To cry, when you came,
“Oh dear! What a shame!
Well, now we shall have to start over.”

        *********

The Lament of an Aging (badly) Dragon

My nookie days are over;
My pilot light is out.
What used to be my sex appeal;
Is now my water spout.

Time was when of its own accord;
From my trousers it would spring.
But now I have a full time job;
To find the blasted thing.

It used to be embarrassing;
The way it would behave.
For every single morning;
It would stand and watch me shave.

As old age approaches;
It sure gives me the blues.
To see it hang its withered head;
And watch me tie my shoes.
        *********

50 Shades of Grey

The Missus Dragon bought a book, from the local bookstore today,
I had a look inside her bag, t’was ‘Fifty Shades Of  Grey’.
Well I just left her to it, and at 10 I went to bed.

An hour later she appeared, the sight filled me with dread.
In her left she held a rope; and in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor, and then began to strip.

Well fifty years or so ago, I might have had a peek.
But Missus Dragon hasn’t weathered well. She’s eighty four next week!
Watching her bump and grind could not have been much grimmer.

And things then went from bad to worse, she toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet, a couple minutes later.
She put her teeth back in and said, “I am a dominater!”

Now if you knew Missus Dragon, you’d see just why I spluttered.
I’d spent two months in traction, for the last complaint I’d uttered.
She stood there nude and naked, bent forward just a bit.

I went to hold her, sensual like, and stood on her left tit.
Missus Dragon screamed, her  teeth shot out. My god what had I done?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out, “Step on the other one!”

Well readers, I can’t tell no more, about what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair, turned fifty shades of grey.

        *********

Impish was nimble,
But Impish was quick.
So his virgins preferred
The candlestick!

        *********

A carpenter living in Crewe,
Who had nothing whatever to do,
Once assisted a whore
With the hinge of her door,
But he made her pay for the screw.

 

Caller ID…. how people save you in their contacts

More of Less

We are seeing a great deal more of less these days;

WELCOME TO THE 21st CENTURY!

*Our Phones ~ Wireless

*Cooking ~ Fireless

*Cars ~ Keyless

*Food ~ Fatless

*Tires ~ Tubeless

*Dress ~ Sleeveless

*Youth ~ Jobless

*Leaders ~ Shameless

*Relationships ~ Meaningless

*Attitude ~ Careless

*Wives ~ Fearless

*Babies ~ Fatherless

*Feelings ~ Heartless

*Education ~ Valueless

*Children ~ Mannerless

Everything is becoming LESS but still…

Our hopes are  ~ Endless.

In fact we are ~ Speechless

And Congress is – CLUELESS!

And our President is – WORTHLESS!

 

My local morning breakfast hang out recently redid its restrooms including the labeling of the facilities

IF he’s a Dragon, then I’d have to say yes definitely without a doubt.

 

Cinderella is now 95 years old.

After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.

One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.

Cinderella said, “Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years”?

The fairy godmother replied, “Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?”

Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish:

“The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I’m living hand to mouth on my disability checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.”

Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.

Cinderella said, “Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother”

The fairy godmother replied, “It is the least that I can do. What do you want for your second wish?”

Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, “I wish I were young and full of the beauty and youth I once had.”

At once, her wish became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned. Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for years.

And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: “You have one more wish; what shall it be?”

Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says, “I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and handsome young man.”

Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a change in his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever seen.

The fairy godmother said, “Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your new life.”

With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.

For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other’s eyes.

Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful, stunningly perfect man she had ever seen.

Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking chair, & swept her up in his young muscular arms.

He leaned in close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he whispered…

“Bet you’re sorry now  you neutered me.”

Highlighting bold and/or red colored font are my editorial emphasis in lieu of post article commentary.

LIFE WITH BIG BROTHER

NSA ‘goes after man who mocked agency’

The NSA has claimed copyright infringement after a businessman created a parody version of the agency’s logo.

The National Security Agency, the secretive federal department under fire for spying on U.S. citizens, is now accused of crushing the free-speech rights of a businessman clowning around about the NSA.

LibertyManiacs.com, a company that markets “freedom products for liberty lovers,” says the NSA is using a claim of copyright infringement to stop it from selling T-shirts and other products making fun of the Big Brother agency.

“Two months ago the NSA’s lawyers came after our parodies of the rogue agency and forced our host to take them down,” the company said Friday on its Facebook page.

At issue is use of the NSA logo, which was partially altered by LibertyManiacs owner Dan McCall. He kept the name of the agency and most of the artwork intact, but changed the bottom portion from “United States of America” to the laugh-inspiring “Peeping while you’re sleeping.”

Underneath the doctored logo is the phrase “The NSA, the only part of government that actually listens.”

In an interview with online journalist Ben Swann, McCall said, “I tried to visually take the most obvious direction at pointing at them that I could. It was their logo. I just tried to adulterate it a little bit and put a few jabs in there and that will be it. So it wasn’t a huge design coup and it did the job basically.”

After the shirt went on sale, the NSA sent a series of “cease and desist” orders in June, seeking to halt further sales of the items.

McCall commented at the time: “Well, on the positive side I could get the unenviable honorific of being ‘the 1st man to receive a cease and desist from the National Security Agency for telling a joke.’”

The NSA’s real logo

The online retailer Zazzle.com subsequently yanked the shirt from its site, giving this explanation:

“Unfortunately, it appears that your product, The NSA, contains content that is in conflict with one or more of our acceptable content guidelines. We will be removing this product from the Zazzle Marketplace shortly.

“Policy Notes: Design contains an image or text that may infringe on intellectual property rights. We have been contacted by the intellectual property right holder and we will be removing your product from Zazzle’s Marketplace due to infringement claims.”

Zazzle’s Diana Adair told WND her company couldn’t comment on the specifics of this incident, but issued a prepared statement saying: “While Zazzle does not manually review all designs that are uploaded, when a product is brought to our attention that violates our terms of service, we take swift action to remove it.  We encourage the Zazzle community to use our platform to share their creativity, and we ask that they continue to maintain an open dialogue with us to ensure Zazzle features only the highest quality merchandise for our customers.”

McCall told Swann it wasn’t just one NSA T-shirt that got the hook from Zazzle.

“In terms of shirts, two, and then maybe four or five bumper stickers,” he noted. “Basically anything remotely relating to the NSA was taken down. So I’m not sure if that was subsequently a blanket policy that Zazzle themselves put up because they don’t want to deal with the hassle and they didn’t want to spend time interpreting each thing knowing they would run into problems or if they were plugged into NSA legal and they were watching things as they go.”

He added the NSA’s action is clearly a violation of his First Amendment right to free speech.

“First Amendment issues affect everybody and it specifically affects everybody who is expressing themselves – any artist, whether on the right or on the left or in the middle or whatever side,” McCall told Swann. “If you are not allowed to express yourself artistically or in many other ways, we have taken a turn for the worse.”

In a video news report about the case, Swann admitted, “This is a story I had a hard time believing until I looked into it for myself.”

“What you need to know is that because the work put out by LibertyManiacs is clearly a parody, it is not copyright infringement,” he stressed. “According to both the Electronic Freedom Foundation and the American Bar Association, ‘parody is recognized as a type of fair use, like other commentary and criticism, and courts recognize that a parody must often take recognizable elements from the work it comments upon.’”

The case has also caught the attention of Mark Gibbs of Computerworld, who calls the NSA’s actions “monstrously wrong.”

“First of all I’m amazed that any U.S. government agency can get away with claiming violation of ‘their’ intellectual property rights when they are, in reality, part of us, and we the people, paid for said intellectual property. Sure, go after those ripoff artists in England or France should they dare to illegally use the hallowed logos of U.S. government agencies, but going after U.S. citizens for parody?” Gibbs noted.

“Second, I’m even more amazed that the NSA doesn’t recognize the inherent PR problem they have created by a bureaucratic response to something that, given the negative publicity they’re already receiving, can only make them look even more devious and manipulative than we now think they are, which is a brand new realization for most Americans.”

“Of course, even if in reality the NSA has no legal leg to stand on, it is the 800-pound gorilla and can flex its muscles for what is, with respect to its budget, a trivial cost,” he added.

At LibertyManiacs, McCall has referred to executives at the NSA as “jerks,” and he’s not backing down in his battle to sell his merchandise.

He is now marketing the censored shirts and related parody items through another online platform at Cafepress.

In an ironic twist, while the NSA is claiming copyright infringement, the agency itself is allegedly using without permission an image for its top-secret data-mining program known as PRISM.

The NSA’s PRISM logo, shown here upside down for comparison to the image below.

As WND reported in June, PRISM, which stands for “protect, respond, inform, secure and monitor,” is the NSA’s massive spy program scouring email and phone records.

Its official logo has reportedly been purloined from Adam Hart-Davis, formerly of the BBC program “Tomorrow’s World.”

Adam’s son, Damon Hart-Davis, has said in the Register newspaper that the image is free for use, as long as there’s acknowledgment of the source and a link to the material online, neither of which have been provided by the NSA.

The original prism image by Adam Hart-Davis, formerly of the BBC.

Some Americans are taking to the Internet to say that federal and state government programs paid for by tax dollars are not subject to copyright.

“The U.S. government CANNOT claim copyright. Period,” said Steve Moody. “Anything created by the U.S. government is automatically in the public domain.”

And Ron Lahti noted: “We all need to the raise the bullsh-t flag on this! The NSA is a ‘publicly funded’ government agency. How can they claim ‘copyright infringement?’ It’s like saying everyone who publishes or manufactures anything with any of our other federal ‘public’ government agency symbols is violating copyright laws. Are we going to have every manufacturer and retailer that makes or sells any of our T-shirts, hats, coffee mugs, bumper/window stickers, etc. that contains, for example, ‘U.S. Army’ or any other military-service logo, from making these products available just because they have an ‘official’ emblem that is also now ‘copyrighted’ with their design? This is beyond fringe lunacy and seems as the NSA is just grasping at straws, for whatever reason. This action by our government is obnoxiously outrageous, and is nothing more than an arrogantly suppressive strong-arm tactic to infringe on the rights and liberties of the American taxpaying people!”

 “To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to  criticize.” ― Voltaire

 

 

How comforting that the NSA/Federal Government has lawyers on staff that can so easily be suborned into willingly lying about Federal laws in a blatant attempt at  censorcism ( a First Amendment Violation) of  satiric criticism of what are at BEST questionable actions with regard to our civil liberties granted rights to privacy and protection against unreasonable and unwarranted search!

WHY isn’t the Justice Department crying foul! WHY is Obama silent on this travesty by his own government?

I’LL TELL YOU WHY! Because this is EXACTLY what Obama meant by ‘Hope & Change’, not hope and change for everyone, only for liberals who seek to control your life your actions and your thoughts via Big Brother.

Welcome to your Orwellian Nightmare. Don’t bother trying to wake up its too late your resistance has been rendered futile.

ZIP CODES…..THIS IS NEAT!

http://zipskinny.com/

Check out your zip code.  You will not believe the information you will find there!

Also check out other zip codes where you might be traveling or thinking of moving to.

We here at DL/LL Electronic Media LTD.recently conducted a poll as to whether men prefer women with large thighs or women with thin thighs.  The results were pretty surprising.

10 percent of those men surveyed preferred women with large thighs.  10 percent of the men preferred women with thin thighs.  And the other 80 percent preferred what’s in-between.

 

At MTV’s Video Music Awards on Sunday night, Miley Cyrus brought the concept of twerking into living rooms the world over. What is it?
According to UrbanDictionary.com, “twerk” means: “The rhythmic gyrating of the lower fleshy extremities in a lascivious manner with the intent to elicit sexual arousal or
laughter in ones intended audience.”

 

The Top 5 Signs You’re Bad at Twerking

1. The first time you tried it, the neighbor’s dog took advantage of you.
2. “Mrs. Obama, maybe a playground dedication isn’t quite the place for that.”
3. They’re not comparing you with Young Skinny Elvis, or even with Fat Vegas Elvis; they’re comparing you with Dead Elvis.
4. One of your ovaries just “crowned.”

And the Number One Sign You’re Bad at Twerking…

1. “That’s very impressive, sir, but if you keep moving like that, I won’t be able to complete your prostate exam.”

I’m just sayin’!….

They got the sequence all wrong though!

It goes (Searing) Heat (with optional humidity) – (High) Winds – (Torrential but short lived) Rain (which still allows for drought conditions despite flooding) – (Record) Cold (with optional wind &/or rain).

Then we have our seasonal weather option from mid-August until late September –  Hurricane, which should be depicted similar to wind with the addition of the rain background. The person should be mid-illustration and perpendicular to the ground hanging onto something for dear life as a cow flies by.

SPEAKING of the weather..this just in from reader K-Squared about what we can expect for the upcoming winter:

HEAVY SNOW / EXTREME COLD –

+ “Farmers’ Almanac” predicts a “bitterly cold” U.S. winter – The Farmers’ Almanac is using words like “piercing cold,” “bitterly cold” and “biting cold” to describe the upcoming winter.

The 197-year-old publication that hit newsstands Monday predicts a winter storm will hit the Northeast around the time the Super Bowl is played in New Jersey. It also predicts a colder-than-normal winter for two-thirds of the country and heavy snowfall in the Midwest, Great Lakes and New England. “We’re using a very strong four-letter word to describe this winter, which is C-O-L-D. It’s going to be very cold.”

Based on planetary positions, sunspots and lunar cycles, the almanac’s secret formula is largely unchanged since the first almanac in 1818. Modern scientists don’t put much stock in sunspots or tidal action, but the almanac says its forecasts used by readers to plan weddings and plant gardens are correct about 80 percent of the time.

Last year, the forecast called for cold weather for the eastern and central U.S. with milder temperatures west of the Great Lakes. It started just the opposite, but ended up that way.

The publication’s elusive prognosticator said he was off by only a couple of days on two of the season’s biggest storms: a February blizzard that paralyzed the Northeast with 3 feet of snow in some places and a sloppy storm the day before spring’s arrival that buried parts of New England. 

Note to self buy additional fleece pants, hoodies, brown gold ingredients, Bailey’s and Bushmills seems like we’re going to need them!

 

13 Things the Government Is Trying to Hide from You

Our government is intentionally keeping massive amounts of information secret from voters.  http://www.alternet.org/civil-liberties/13-things-government-trying-hide-you?paging=off

“We believe most Americans would be stunned to learn the details of how these secret court opinions have interpreted…the Patriot Act.  As we see it, there is now a significant gap between what most Americans think the law allows and what the government secretly claims the law allows.  This is a problem, because it is impossible to have an informed public debate about what the law should say when the public doesn’t know what its government thinks the law says.” —U.S. senators Ron Wyden and Mark Udall

The President, the Head of the National Security Agency, the Department of Justice, the House and Senate Intelligence Committees, and the Judiciary, are intentionally keeping massive amounts of information about surveillance of US and other people secret from voters.

Additionally, some are, to say it politely, not being factually accurate in what they are telling the public. These inaccurate statements are either intentional lies meant to mislead the public or they are evidence that the people who are supposed to be in charge of oversight do not know what they are supposed to be overseeing. The most recent revelations from the Washington Post, by way of Edward Snowden, indicate the NSA breaks privacy rules or overstep its legal authority thousands of times each year. Whether people are lying or do not know what they are doing, either way, this is a significant crisis. Here are 13 examples.

1. The government seizes and searches all Internet and text communications which enter or leave the US.

On August 8, 2013, the New York Times reported that the NSA secretly collects virtually all international email and text communications which cross the US borders in or out. As the ACLU says, “the NSA thinks it’s okay to intercept and then read Americans’ emails, so long as it does so really quickly.  But that is not how the Fourth Amendment works…the invasion of Americans’ privacy is real and immediate.”

2. The government created and maintains secret backdoor access into all databases in order to search for information on US citizens.

On August 9, 2013, the Guardian revealed yet another Edward Snowden leaked document which points out “the National Security Agency has a secret backdoor into its vast databases under a legal authority enabling it to search for US citizens’ email and phone calls without a warrant.” This is a new set of secrets about surveillance of people in the US. This new policy of 2011 allows searching by US person names and identifiers when the NSA is collecting data. The document declares that analysts should not implement these queries until an oversight process has been developed. No word on whether such a process was developed or not.

3. The government operates a vast database which allows it to sift through millions of records on the Internet to show nearly everything a person does.

Recent disclosures by Snowden and Glenn Greenwald of the Guardian demonstrate the NSA operates a massive surveillance program called XKeyscore. The surveillance program has since been confirmed by other CIA officials. It allows the government to enter a person’s name or other question into the program and sift through oceans of data to produce everything there is on the Internet by or about that person or other search term.

4. The government has a special court which meets in secret to authorize access for the FBI and other investigators to millions and millions of US phone, text, email and business records.

There is a special court of federal judges which meets in secret to authorize the government to gather and review millions and millions of phone and Internet records.  This court, called the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court (FISA court), allows government lawyers to come before them in secret, with no representatives of the public or press or defense counsel allowed, to argue unopposed for more and more surveillance. This is the court which, in just one of its thousands of rulings, authorized the handing over of all call data created by Verizon within the US and between the US and abroad to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. The public would never have known about the massive surveillance without the leaked documents from Snowden.

5. The government keeps top secret nearly all the decisions of the FISA court.

Nearly all of the thousands of decisions of the FISA court are themselves classified as top secret. Though the public is not allowed to know what the decisions are, public records do show how many times the government asked for surveillance authorization and how many times they were denied. These show that in the last three years, the government asked for authorization nearly 5,000 times and they were never denied. In its entire history, the FISA court has denied just 11 of 34,000 requests for surveillance.

6. The government is fighting to keep top secret a key 2011 decision of the FISA court even after the court said it could be made public.

There is an 86-page 2011 top-secret opinion of the FISA court which declared some of the National Security Agency’s surveillance programs unconstitutional. The administration, through the Department of Justice, refused to hand this over to the Electronic Frontier Foundation which filed a public records request and a lawsuit to make this public. First the government said it would hurt the FISA court to allow this to be made public. Then the FISA court itself said it can be made public. Despite this, the government is still fighting to keep it secret.

7. The government uses secret National Security Letters (NSL) issued by the FBI to seize tens of thousands of records.

With an NSL letter the FBI can demand financial records from any institution from banks to casinos, all telephone records, subscriber information, credit reports, employment information, and all email records of the target as well as the email addresses and screen names for anyone who has contacted that account. Those who received the NSLs from the FBI are supposed to keep them secret.  The reason is supposed to be for foreign counterintelligence. There is no requirement for court approval at all.  So no requests have been denied. The Patriot Act has made this much easier for the FBI.

According to congressional records, there have been over 50,000 of these FBI NSL requests in the last three years. This does not count the numerous times where the FBI persuades the disclosure of information without getting a NSL. Nor does it count FBI requests made just to find out who an email account belongs to. These reported NSL numbers also do not include the very high numbers of administrative subpoenas issued by the FBI which only require approval of a member of the local US Attorney’s office.

8. The National Security head was caught not telling the truth to Congress about the surveillance of millions of US citizens.

The director of National Intelligence, James Clapper, told the US Senate on March 12, 2013 that the NSA did not wittingly collect information on millions of Americans. After the Snowden Guardian disclosures, Clapper admitted to NBC that what he said to Congress was the “least untruthful” reply he could think of. The agency no longer denies that it collects the emails of American citizens. In a recent white paper, the NSA now admits it does “collect telephony metadata in bulk,” but does not unconstitutionally “target” American citizens.

9. The government falsely assured the US public in writing that privacy protections are significantly stronger than they actually are and senators who knew better were not allowed to disclose the truth.

Two US senators wrote the NSA a letter objecting to one “inaccurate statement” and another “somewhat misleading statement” made by the NSA in their June 2013 public fact sheet about surveillance. What are the inaccurate or misleading statements?  The public is not allowed to know because the senators had to point out the details in a secret classified section of their letter.

In the public part of their letter they did say “In our judgment this inaccuracy is significant, as it portrays protections for Americans’ privacy as being significantly stronger than they actually are…”  The senators point out that the NSA public statement assures people that communications of US citizens which are accidently acquired are promptly destroyed unless it is evidence of a crime.  However, the senators wrote that the NSA does in fact deliberately search the records of American citizens and that the NSA has said repeatedly that it is not reasonably possible to identify the number of people located in the US whose communications have been reviewed under the authority of the FISA laws. The NSA responded to these claims in an odd way.  It did not say publicly what the misleading or inaccurate statements were nor did it correct the record, instead it just deleted the fact sheet from the NSA website.

10. The chief defender of spying in the House of Representatives, the chair of the oversight intelligence subcommittee, did not tell the truth or maybe did not know the truth about surveillance.

Mike Rogers, chair of the House Permanent Intelligence Subcommittee, repeatedly told Congress and the public on TV talk shows in July that there was no government surveillance of phone calls or emails. “They do not record your e-mails…None of that was happening, none of it – I mean, zero.” Later, Snowden and Glenn Greenwald of the Guardian disclosed the NSA program called X-keyscore, which intercepts 1.7 billion emails, phone calls and other types of communications each day. Now the questions swirl about Rogers, whether he lied, or was lied to by those who engaged in surveillance, or did not understand the programs to which he was supposed to be providing oversight.

11. The House intelligence oversight committee repeatedly refused to provide basic surveillance information to elected members of the House of Representatives, Republican and Democrat.

The House intelligence oversight committee refused to allow any members of Congress outside the committee to see a 2011 document that described the NSA mass phone record surveillance. This has infuriated Republicans and Democrats who have tried to get basic information to carry out their mandated oversight obligations.

Republican Representative Morgan Griffith of Virginia wrote the House Committee on Intelligence on June 25, 2013, July 12, 2013, July 22, 2013, and July 23 2013 asking for basic information on the authorization “allowing the NSA to continue collecting data about Americans’ telephone calls.” He received no response to those requests.

After asking for basic information from the House Committee about the surveillance programs, Democrat Congressman Alan Grayson was told the committee voted to deny his request on a voice vote.  When he followed up and asked for a copy of the recorded vote he was told he could not get the information because the transcript of the committee hearing was classified.

12. The paranoia about secrecy of surveillance is so bad in the House of Representatives that an elected member of Congress was threatened for passing around copies of the Snowden disclosures which had been already printed in newspapers worldwide.

Representative Alan Grayson was threatened with sanctions for passing around copies of the Snowden information on the House floor, the same information published by the Guardian and many other newspapers around the world.

13. The Senate oversight committee refused to allow a dissenting senator to publicly discuss his objections to surveillance.

When Senator Ron Wyden (D-OR) tried to amend the surveillance laws to require court orders before the government could gather communications of American citizens and to disclose how many Americans have had their communications gathered, he lost in a secret 2012 hearing of the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence. He was also prohibited from publicly registering or explaining his opposition for weeks.

These attempts to keep massive surveillance secrets from the public are aggravated by the constant efforts to minimize the secrets and maximize untruths. Most notably, despite all this documented surveillance, on August 6, 2013, the President said on the Jay Leno show “We don’t have a domestic spying program.”  Some commentators think the government is twisting the real meaning of words with flimsy legal arguments and irrational word games. Others say the President is engaged in “Orwellian newspeak.” More than a few say the President was not telling the truth.

Others who are defending the surveillance may not actually know what is going on but think they do because the government, like the President, is telling them there is nothing to worry about. Sen. Dianne Feinstein, Chair of Senate Intelligence Committee, the congressional oversight committee which is to protect people from unlawful spying, and another chief defender of surveillance, publicly responded to Edward Snowden’s claims to have the ability to wiretap anyone if he had their personal email by saying, “I am not a high-tech techie, but I have been told that is not possible.” How that squares with revelations about the Xkeyscore program is not known. She also stated her committee’s position about protecting the privacy of people against government surveillance, “We’re always open to change, but that does not mean there will be any.”

Conclusion

President Obama just promised the nation that he would set up an independent group of outside experts to “step back and review our capabilities – particularly our surveillance technologies.” Days later Obama appointed the director of National Intelligence, James Clapper, the same person who has admitted he did not tell Congress the truth about the program, to establish a review group to assess whether surveillance is being done in a manner that maintains the public trust. After an uproar about the fox guarding the henhouse, the White House reversed itself and said Clapper will not choose the members of the group after all. The names of the members have not been made public as of the time of this writing.

Bill Quigley is a human rights lawyer and professor at Loyola University New Orleans College of Law. He is also a member of the legal collective of School of Americas Watch.

I said it before (above) and I’ll say it again:

Welcome to your Orwellian Nightmare.

Don’t bother trying to wake up- its too late your resistance has been rendered futile by the Obama, the NSA & the Libatards. Worst of all everyone of you who has read what Impish and I have been saying the last 5 years and ignored our warnings and predictions are at fault! You did nothing and they won because of it.

Good Morning Campers! (Good Morning Diaman)
Guess what day it is!
Come on, guess what day it is!
No, I’m not a camel, it’s not hump day and this is not a Geico commercial.

Today is International Bacon Day!!!!
Probably tied with the Super Bowl as the most manly of holidays!
A day specifically designed for the enjoyment of BACON in all it’s marvelous forms!

International Bacon Day or Bacon Day is an official observance held on the Saturday before Labor Day in the United States. (Labor Day is traditionally the first Monday of September). Bacon day celebrations typically include social gatherings during which participants create and consume dishes containing bacon, including bacon-themed breakfasts, lunches, dinners, desserts, and drinks.^[1][2]

Bacon Day was conceived in Bedford, Massachusetts in 2000 by the residents of the Crag.^[3]

Okay, so that’s Wikipedia’s official explanation.  .so, it’s not real heavy on details, so let’s take a look at bacon.wiki.com

International Bacon Day or Bacon Day is an unofficial observance, often celebrated on the Saturday before US Labor Day (the first Monday of September). Some cultures, however, celebrate on 19th of February, while others celebrate the day on the first Saturday in January after the new year.

Bacon day celebrations typically include social gatherings during which participants create and consume dishes containing bacon, including bacon-themed breakfasts, lunches, dinners, desserts, and drinks. Bacon Day gatherings may also include the consumption of soy bacon or turkey bacon.

Bacon Day was conceived in 2004 by a group of CU Boulder (Colorado) graduate students. Bacon Day in Manchester UK is celebrated by several students on the 14th January, prior to January examinations as a distraction from revision. Bucknell students are also known for their bacon day celebrations, calling themselves “Meatheads”, and gorging on as much bacon as possible.

Hmm, not the same back story at all.
Well, not to worry, we aren’t really concerned with the history or the background, we are overly concerned with the complete and total celebration of this greatest of foods.

Okay, so there isn’t really that many bacon “jokes”.  There are a lot of bacon cartoons, videos, foods, etc.   but jokes…not so much.  The only one I can think of is the Mexicans trapped in the desert, crawling forward, they spot a special tree at an oasis, a tree made of bacon.  The one Mexican leaps over the hill and runs to the bacon tree, when shots ring out.  The first Mexican shouts back to the second one, “Amigo, stay away!! Is not a bacon tree!  Is a Ham-Bush!”

Yeah, I know… pretty lame.
Let’s laugh at some other stuff…

Yup….even bacon flavored dragon pix!
Haven’t you ever wondered how bacon is made?  I have.  This one is fun!

The best of pancakes and bacon!  This is a brilliant idea!

I know.  I pray for bacon every day!

Can you imagine, the way world politics would work if all the world leaders first of all received this bouquet every morning before they went to work and then had to share bacon with any other world leader that they met with before they began negations.  World peace.

It there is anything more important than a bacon celebration, which I can only think of one thing and one thing only.  And that is the celebration and announcing of a national hero…

I was going to print the Official Narrative here, but it’s pretty long.  But, if you want to read an exciting story, written like the script of one of the best war movies you’ve ever seen.  I highly, HIGHLY recommend clicking on the above link…. or if that’s too far away then here it is:
http://www.army.mil/medalofhonor/carter/narrative.html

This man, as well as his mates, are true and total heroes.  Lethal wants to make him an honorary Marine.  I want to name him an honorary Emergency Manager.  Okay, so that’s not near as special as being an honorary Marine, but that’s the best I got. 

I hope you enjoyed the special issue today, let me know what you thought.