Dragon Laffs #1315


Header63
Okay, so what the heck is going on?  Where in the world did all this GREEN come from?  Everything is green and gold and bushy and hilly and European, and … and … FRIGGIN’ IRISH!!!
I’ve been kidnapped and taken to friggin’ Ireland!!
Holy Leprechaun!
Oh!
Wait!
Speaking of Leprechauns….
”LETHAL!!!”
Where are you, hiding?  I know you’re here somewhere!
I know you’re responsible!
When I went to bed Wednesday, this is what it looked like:
IMG_2840And when I wake up after a short nap of 30 or 40 hours it looks like this:
ireland2And this:
ireland_philmackAND FRIGGIN’ THIS:
Fields_and_Farmhouses_of_County_Cork_IrelandAnd Lethal,
What The Hell Is This!!!???
Gallarus_Oratory_IrelandDude, it looks like a damn brick outhouse!
What the hell am I doing here????
What?
It’s not Ireland?
Terrance!  Get your ass in here right now!
Terrance Troll, you tell me right this second what’s….
It is?
He did?
He redecorated the entire corporate headquarters for what?
St. Patrick’s Day?
Really?  Isn’t that some time in June?
Really?  March 17th?
He must REALLY be planning something big this year if he’s already got the place decorated.  How in the world are we supposed to get any work done with the place looking like a friggin’ forest?
No, Terrance, I’m not going to do like usual and give all my work to you!  Smart Ass!  Get back out in the outer office and do the personal assistant stuff you’re SUPPOSED to be doing.

Campers, while I try to figure out what’s going on around here, why don’t you guys press on without me and start laffing!
LetsLaugh_thumb_thumb_thumbLOL_thumb_thumb_thumb

410What an Ass!

Let’s start right out with this great joke from my Dad.  Thanks Dad!

One very cold winter’s morning, my wife texted me:
”Windows frozen, won’t open.”
I texted her back:
”Gently pour some lukewarm water over it.”
Wife texts me back five minutes later:
”Computer really screwed up now.”

coollogo_com-202331125How about a new section called … wait for it … Toys I Used To Play With.  Now, before you get the wrong idea and think of
6bI’m talking about the GAU 8/A Avenger!
7aThis AWESOME Gatling type cannon is a 30 mm hydraulically-driven seven-barrel weapon that is typically mounted to the U.S. Air Force’s Fairchild Republic A10 Thunderbolt II. (Lovingly called by all her maintainers as the Warthog)
A-10This aircraft was specifically built to house this gun and to kill tanks.
How about a short video of this bad boy in action:

And here is a great picture that I found on the internet (no, it’s not me, nor anyone that I know) showing the difference in size between a 30 mm round and a 20 mm.
7k
I won’t bore you with all the details, but if you wish to learn more, you can google either the A10 Thunderbolt II or the Gau 8/a Avenger.
This was one of my favorite toys to play with.


My Doctor, Dr. Lethal Leprechaun, Doctor of Quackary:

Let me tell you about my doctor . He’s very good! If you tell him you
want a second opinion, He’ll go out and come in again .
~~~~~
He treated one woman for yellow jaundice for three years before he realized she was Chinese.
~~~~~
Another time, he gave a patient six months to live.
At the end of the six months, the patient hadn’t paid his bill,
so, the doctor gave him another six months .
~~~~~
While he was talking to me, his nurse came in and said,
“Doctor, there is a man here who thinks he’s invisible.”
The doctor said “Tell him I can’t see him.”
~~~~~
Another time, a man came running in the office and yelled,
“Doctor, doctor! – my son just swallowed a roll of film!”
The doctor calmly replied, “Well let’s just wait and see what develops.”
~~~~~
One patient came in and said,
“Doctor, I have a serious memory problem.”
The doctor asked, “When did it start?”
The man replied, “When did what start?”
~~~~~
I remember one time I told my doctor
I had a ringing in my ears. His advice:
“Don’t answer it.”
~~~~~
My doctor sure has his share of nut cases.
One said to him, “Doctor, I think I’m a bell.”
The doctor gave him some pills and said,
“Here, take these – if they don’t work, give me a ring.”
~~~~~
Another guy told the doctor that he thought
he was a deck of cards. The doctor simply said,
“Go sit over there. I’ll deal with you later.”
~~~~~
When I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places,
He told me to stop going to those places.
~~~~~
You know, doctors can be so frustrating.
You wait a month and a half for an appointment,
then he says, “I wish you had come to me sooner.”

Dragon-Pic_thumb_thumb_thumb
d2013021702Another great picture of one of us wonderful dragons in the wild

 

One day, Benny the psychiatrist was coming home
from work on the subway when he saw an elderly
gentleman talking to himself and then laughing aloud.
Every so often, the man would put up his hand, stop
talking then start all over again.
Benny had to find out more.  “Excuse me, I hope
you don’t mind me asking, but is there anything
I can do to help? “
“Thank you, but no. To keep me awake, I tell myself
jokes when I’m traveling.”
“But why do you keep raising your hand? ” asked Benny.
“Oh, that’s to stop me telling a joke I’ve heard before. ”

411

 

The Biggest Lie Ever:
”I have read and agree to the terms of use.”

Fantasy-Pic_thumb1_thumb_thumb
The Biggest Joke Ever:
”Computers and mobile devices were invented to save our time.”

412
Here’s a really good one.  I wonder how it’s still on the net?

coollogo_com-170261913_thumb1_thumb_
a171
a172When Lethal Leprechaun plays dress up with his kitties, he really goes all out.

a173I’m sorry kitty, Molly is going to make sure that Lethal takes them back from you.  She needs them for work.

a174I have the same problem every morning when I look in the mirror to shave.

a175Lethal’s other kitties doing a little redecorating.
406
413
coollogo_com-155176907b
7d
7e
7f
7g
7h
7i
7j
coollogo_com-7318770_thumb2_thumb_th
rolemodels
Scie
securityIt seems to be easy for SOME of us to get a decent job

Seriously
sexWell, if THAT’S the case, this one can’t be one of Lethal’s…

407
416
Pun Queen

Welcome back to our dear camper and self styled #1 Dragonette, Diaman and these truly
Puny Puns!  Thanks Diaman!

This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, “Is that Corona or Bud?” I said, “There ‘s a tap underneath; taste it and find out.”
 
I know a truck driver who is ecstatic after having penis enhancement surgery. He always wanted a Peterbilt.
 
How can you tell a tough lesbian bar? Even the pool table doesn’t have balls.
 
What’s the difference between a gigolo, a urologist, a rabbi, and a chorus girl? A urologist a penis mender, a rabbi is a penis ender, a gigolo is a penis vendor, and a female gymnist is a penis bender.
 
LUBRICATED CONDOMS: Bedroom slippers.
 
Just when I thought I’d get a break from my day job as a prostitute by going to the dentist, I realized I was actually paying him to shove his throbbing tool in my mouth.
 
A sultan was inspecting the quarters of his harem. He opened a closet in one of the bedrooms and let out a terrified sheik.
 
You know the barmaid is really pissed off when you find a string in your Bloody Mary.
 
Porn Actor: A man whose rise is starring.
 
I hate it when I hear people say, “Nice guys finish last.” Seems every nice guy I’ve slept with finished first and didn’t last.
 
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
 
Confucius says: Man with athletic fingers makes broad jump!
 
What do you call a 400 lb. woman who likes to screw men and women at the same time? A bisexual built for two.
 
What do Arabs do on Saturday night? They sit under palm trees and eat their dates

 

417

Death-Coffee_thumb2_thumb_thumb
419
408
421Observations

A Florida man disappeared in a huge sinkhole under his house.
His brother heard him scream: “Wow, this sequestration thing
is serious.”

A report says that Asia now has more billionaires than North
America. The only problem is most of them got wealthy
loaning money to the U.S., and see how many are still
billionaires when they try to collect.

 


 

A church in Phoenix is offering drive-thru prayers. Typical!
Things were going great until some pervert drove up and
asked, “Can I have friars with that?”

 

House Speaker John Boehner says there is ‘no plan’ to
replace the sequester. That is no surprise. ‘No plan’ is
exactly how Washington has handled Iraq, the environment
and the economy.

 

Pope Benedict XVI is just plain old Joseph Ratzinger again.
But he still gets to live at the Vatican, which has to take
some of the sting out of being fallible again.

 

Pope Benedict is officially retired. Apparently there was
some last-minute tension at the Vatican because they
wouldn’t give the Pope his security deposit back.

 

Patricia Krentcil, the ‘Tanning Mom’, will not face charges
for putting her five-year-old in a tanning bed. She really got
lucky — I thought for sure she was toast.

Illinois Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. faces sentencing

and imprisonment this week after he pleaded guilty in
federal court in Chicago to campaign finance fraud. Oh
well, that’s politics for you. One week you’re on the cover
of Time, the next week you’re doing it.

 


Washington Post’s Bob Woodward wrote that President

Obama’s decision not to deploy an aircraft carrier to the
Persian Gulf and blaming it on the sequester cuts is a kind
of madness not seen since Richard Nixon. That’s unfair.
President Nixon never had to keep an aircraft carrier
anchored off Houston to keep Texas from seceding
from the Union.

 

422
414
423
Last-Word4_thumb1_thumb_thumb

I’m not going to use my usual color and font for this essay because I think that the subject matter is too important to appear flippant in any way or manner.  It could reasonably be assumed, by anyone who’s ever been in a supervisory or leadership position, that the adage, “Lead By Example” is one of the basic tenants of good leadership and integrity.  But, it seems more like our country’s leadership is more likely following the lame “Do as I say, not as I do” bullshit excuse.

For example, The White House, OUR House, is closed for public tours, because of the Sequester and the Furloughs.  What a petty, purely political move THAT is!  But, Obama, the head ass himself, shows his integrity and leadership by spending an estimated one million dollars for a golf outing with in Florida with Tiger Woods!  It has been said (see article here) that that trip ALONE would have paid for public tours of the White House for the rest of the year! 

Gohmert referenced press reports pegging the cost of a recent Florida golf outing Obama took with Tiger Woods at $1 million. He also cited press reports saying 341 federal workers could have been spared furloughs if Obama had stayed home.

“The president’s travel expenses alone, for the golfing outing with Tiger Woods, would pay for a year of White House visits,” Fox News contributor Charles Krauthammer said Thursday. “So I suggest that perhaps he curtail the travel.”

This one hits close to home as one of my co-workers, and fellow camper, was supposed to accompany his children on a class trip to Washington D.C. centered around a tour of the White House.  Another of the affected classrooms showed their annoyance this way:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=606520162694810&set=vb.189592561119149&type=2&theater

Not to mention that Mrs. Obastard is traveling all over the country, appearing on TV and one of the Obastard brats used Secret Service assets to go to a dinner party in New York.  Why the hell does his 14 year old get to go to New York city to a restaurant with a bunch of her friends on MY dime when I have to consider if I have to lose so much of my pay through these furloughs whether I am going to buy food this pay day or buy medicine to keep us alive?

Can’t the leadership of our country even pretend to care?
Nope, even fucking congress voted themselves exempt from any of these cuts, while also passing a bill that says that any of their brats who incur student loan debts will be forgiven those debts.  Who the hell do they think is going to pay for that?
Oh yeah…
US!!!!

This is going to keep on as long as we let it.
We need to vote these self-centered, egotistical, entitlement minded leeches out of office.
All they are is laughing at all of us.
It has to stop now.
It has to be stopped by us.
Before it’s too late…

if it isn’t already.

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1315

  1. John Daniels says:

    start at the top, deport the illegal wog.

  2. Hank says:

    Why can’t we get a point across without using profanity?

    • impishdragon says:

      That’s a really good question Hank. And I, of all people, should know the detriment that a profane word has on an otherwise worthy written piece. I don’t know who said it, but the gist of it was that the use of swear words was the sign of a small mind. My only excuse is a lack of distance from the problem. Mr. Obama and his Chicago based thugs are blackmailing me, my family and my friends. So, you can understand how my ire might rise.
      But you’re right. I should find more appropriate words to use. Thanks for the feedback.
      Impish

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Hank there is an old story about a man coming down the road and seeing a farmer beating a stubborn mule in the backside with a whip because the animal was attached to a cart and standing in the middle of the road refusing to go any farther.

        The man admonishes the Farmer for beating the mule with the whip saying if he wants to be anyplace with the mule and get it to do his bidding hew had to treat the mule nicely and talk politely to it.

        The thoroughly disgusted Farmer, now additionally saddled with this buttiniski has had just about enough and said “IF you’re so damned smart and good with mules, prove it do it your way but get him moving I have to get back to the barn raising with this load of lumber”

        The man walks around back of the cart, pulls out a four foot piece of 2×4 walks up on the mules blind side and yells “HEY MULE!”

        When the mule turns towards the source of the outburst the man catches his square between the eyes driving the mule instantly to his knees.

        Seeing this the Farmer is down off the cart on a flash but the man is already on one knee beside the mule with the mules ear firmly in his grip whispering pointedly to the mule and gesturign down the road. The still dazed mule seems to be nodding his heas inbetween shakes in agreement and attempting to struggle back to his feet.

        The Farmer yells at the man “What the hell was that all about? I thought you said I had to treat him nice and speak gently to him! You damned near killed my mule with that 2×4 blow! Explain yourself!”

        The man said you DO have to treat him nicely and I DID talk politely to him…I just had to make sure I had his full attention first, that’s where the 2×4 came in.”

        My point Hank is when we here at DL/LL Enterprises swear in the course of an editorial comment, we’re simply getting your attention so the important and gravity of what we are saying sinks in. Too many people are yelling at all of us to pay attention to their …”flavor” of the “truth” now a days and we are just trying to be sure you are hear the (what feels like) two lone voices of reason lost in the roar of the crowd.

        On a personal note one of the New Year’s Resolutions Molly made for me (personally I thought I was fine as is and didn’t need any) was to clean up my written and verbal communications. If I write while angry or agitated over something, I’m not allowed to publish that piece until Molly reviews it. She charges me fifty cents for each expletive she has to delete (I was going broke at a dollar per word). Impish is normally the less salty in his language of the two of us but I seriously think you ought to cut him a wee bit of slack here. The man at the beginning of the year lost about (guessing) 10% of his pay with the tax breaks expiring and all the crap, NOW he’s losing another 20% of his pay for a total of 30% in the first quarter of the year AND ADDITIONALLY will NOT be getting any of the 2 over time weekends a month he was relying on to make ends meet. All this because the people in Washington whom we elected to LOOK OUT FOR OUR WELL BEING are too busy looking out for their own! I think if you consider the circumstances of the situation from Impish’s….talons you’d see that he actually WAS quite restrained with the seasoning of his language.

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