And I would love to sit and talk motorcycles with you guys this morning, but I have something on my mind. I actually wrote something earlier, while I was at work, so let me cut and paste and put it in here:

I must get something off my chest that I heard on the radio the other day.

Imagine that you are a veteran that served your country honorably, you lost your legs during a training incident and now you are fighting to get a wheelchair lift installed in your home. Then you receive a letter saying that we will NOT supply you with a lift, but if you are so desperate, madam, we can offer you a medical assisted suicide device. From the Canadian Veterans Affairs.

Now, does she look like she’s ready to end it all?

I’ve never been so disappointed in ANY Veteran’s Affairs organization in my entire life.

And that’s saying a lot.

Now they’re saying that they’ve done this to several other Vets and it’s all been one single Rep who was doing it and they’ve since been fired … if so, good on them and let’s not ever see this happen again.

But did you know that 1 in 20, 5% of deaths in Canada are due to suicide because it is legal for the state to help you, for doctors to prescribe what you need, for them to send you a MAID kit. That stands for Medical Assistance In Dying.

And did you know that there are 12 states here that offer the same thing!!! California, Colorado, Delaware, Washington D.C., Hawaii, Maine, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington. And another 17 considering it!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are times where, at the end of someone’s life, they are suffering so horribly that it might be a mercy to help them along a path that is inevitable. But advocating for suicide because you are depressed, unhappy, or in the case of Canada it seems, a financial burden on the state?!?!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH US!!!

As human beings we should be utterly ashamed of ourselves.

Go to the simplest of verses that I’m absolutely sure everybody knows. John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” God gave up His own Son for us! And we’re just going to encourage people to throw that away because they are costing us too much money? 

I have some familiarity with this topic, so I’m not just screaming in the wind here.

Very familiar.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and I mean that with ALL my heart. “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Okay.

I have gotten way off topic from where I started…led by the Spirit I guess and maybe someone out there needed to hear it, maybe I needed to get it off my chest, maybe I just needed to remember and cry.

I don’t know.

I’m going to take a break and come back and we’ll carry on with the show.

Okay, that wasn’t such a bad break, now was it? So….

This lady sure is popular all of a sudden. Not saying that she has a reason or which side you may fall on in this controversy, but the little guy who lost the ball ended up with a pretty good deal in the end.  Here’s a few more.

And Aussie Pete sent me another one of these…

And I got this as a suggested add on for the new bike … no thanks.

This is the coin I carry in my pocket all the time. That is the entire 23 Psalm on the back, King James version (because I DO happen to like a little Shakespeare with my scripture). I always carry an extra one with me at all times also, in case I ever have need to give one away to someone in need.

A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950’s returned to his old university for a visit. 

He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day.
 
When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, “That’s true, but, of course, the answers are completely different now.”

That is CRAZY!

Then after the red slippers, click on the twister! You’re welcome again!

Man, I need a box full of those things!

I told you guys that the doc has got me counting carbs, right? I was at a little get-together on Saturday for some dear friends anniversary and someone had some Kroger oatmeal raisin cookies, second only to my dear Mary’s oatmeal raisin cookies. The very best cookie in the world! Anyway, I thought to myself, I said, “Self, one cookie is not going to blow your carb limit all to wack.”  You can look it up later. Because you know you can google ANY-THING! I looked it up later. One…ONE…I’m telling you ONE Kroger oatmeal raisin ever-lovin’ cookie was 30 carbohydrates! A sausage egg McMuffin from McDonalds is only 29!!! I about died.

By the way, you need to read that last one in a little old southern lady’s accent. I tried really hard to get that across that way. Yeah, re-reading it I may have only half hit it.

IDIOTS IN SERVICE:
This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. 
They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. 
When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, “Would you like us to call you before we come?”
 I replied that I didn’t see how he would be able to do that since our phones weren’t working. 
He also requested that we report future outages by email. (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?).
 
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. 
She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. 
When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. 
So I signed the credit card in front of her.
She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. 
As luck would have it, they matched.
 
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. 
The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn’t want them to cross there anymore. 
I could swear I’ve recently been with some of these people…

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
 
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
 
Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
 
How do those dead flies get into closed light fixtures?
 
Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
 
 Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
 
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
 
Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren’t they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?
 
How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?
 
Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?
 
Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women?

I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people…
But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi!

A man is buying a suit from a local tailor. “I need to warn you,” he says, as the tailor is taking his measurements. “That I won’t be able to pay for this suit for three months.” 

“That’s quite all right, sir,” the tailor replies. 

“By the way,” the man asks, “when will it be ready?” 

“In three months.”

A small boy in a farming town was leading a donkey passed by an army camp.

A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the boy.
“What are you holding on to your brother so tight for?”

“So he won’t join the army,” the youngster replied with blinking an eye.

There’s an octopus scene?

That’ll work well…

The Bermuda Triangle used to be called The Bermuda Square until one side mysteriously vanished.

What type of prize do they give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year? A trophy.

 If you lose your khakis in Texas, it means you can’t find your pants, but if you lose your khakis in Boston, it means you can’t start your car.

Waiter: How do you like your steak sir? 
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife. 
Waiter: Rare it is!

 Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

There are two types of people in the world…those that finish what they start. 

Did you know in Las Vegas there are more Catholic churches than casinos. Not surprisingly some worshippers at Sunday service will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many casinos the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.

And yet again this morning, no one was standing next to my be saying, “Your Royal Highness, here is your coffee”.

I lost my wife yesterday at the Helsinki airport. She disappeared into Finnair.

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example, I am going to the wine store and I’m scared it will be closed.

I’m so glad I learned about parallelograms in high school, instead of how to do my taxes, as it comes in so handy during parallelogram season.

The definition of a will is a dead giveaway.

 I have been nominated on Facebook to a “25 pushups a day challenge” – I blocked that person.

My son asked me why I make noises every time I stand up. I told him it’s because I’m a groan man.

Met the guy who invented the trampoline. Nice guy, but a bit jumpy.

I know this one wrapped up a little early, but I’m just out of time my friends. Until next time. I hope I can get one put together for Saturday. I really need a couple of extra hours in my days. 

I fully intended to create a special 911 issue to go along with today’s episode that, thankfully I had already finished. But when I got home from work, I saw the news about Charlie Kirk being shot and killed and I just couldn’t.

I was absorbed with the news and the grief and the fact that this man was only doing his very best to bring people to Christ the best way he knew how.

Did you know the same time that this was going on there was a school shooting?

I truly believe that evil is running rampant in our world. The man who murdered the Ukrainian woman on the bus just the other day is just another example of evil.

My friends, what’s our world coming to?

I spent this evening in the jail ministering to men trying to bring to them the gospel and at the same time I see such hopelessness in the world. It makes me want to cry.

So, I’m sorry I didn’t give you the second issue that I wanted to bring to you, but I’m sure you’ll understand. Instead I ask for your prayers for Charlie Kirk‘s family for comfort and strength to help them get through this time. They’re going to need it. Also, I asked for prayers for our country. We’re going through a bad time right now, folks.

May God bless you all with peace and comfort in these tumultuous times.

My love to you all until we talk again.

Bob W

aka Impish Dragon

Okay, here’s the scoop. It’s Sunday night, I have NO time, I worked all weekend, I’m worn out, I didn’t get to play with my new toy today and I’m mad … not at you guys, at me. I played too much yesterday and let all my chores go until today so now I’m playing catch up and … 

and …

well, I’ll do the best I can putting this issue out.

Oh…

My new toy …

How about this….

2025 CF Moto. Okay, so I have to tell the story. So, you guys know I have the trike. And it’s fun and all, so last weekend … I think I may have told you, but I’m going to tell you again … I called the Whelpling, because on the 27th and 28th I take my safety course to get my full motorcycle endorsement. 

Right now I’m just on a permit. Well, for the course I’m going to have to be on two wheels. Guys, I haven’t been on two wheels in 40 years. So, I call the Whelpling who lives an hour and half from me and tell him I’m coming down and he’s going to put me in a parking lot and I’m going to be on two wheels. He tells me in no uncertain terms that I’m not riding Charlette.  That’s his Harley. But I can ride the grandson’s bike.

I told him that’s fine, I just need some practice so I don’t look like an idiot when I go to the safety course. Well, he rides it over to the parking lot and I climb on, I have a little trouble throwing my arthritic hip over the seat, but I manage.  I’m a little concerned taking off from a dead stop and the balance and all that sort of stuff…

I take off and those 40 years completely disappear.

It’s like I’d never been off. I drove all over that big old parking lot, doing tight little U-turns and stopping and starting and weaving and having a great old time. I wanted to take it out on the street but he said I couldn’t cause it wasn’t registered yet.

So, Thursday I went out and bought this one brand new off the showroom floor for a song cause the 2026s are coming in and they are getting rid of the 2025s for cheap. I rode to his house through downtown (big down town, not like my little dinky down town) and then he rode it to my house the hour and a half north. And I had it Thursday, Friday and Saturday and didn’t get a chance to ride today and I’m just loving it!

I’m going to run it through town tomorrow since I have meetings in town. I borrowed money from my TSP … like my 401K … figured it’s better to pay myself back.  It’s gonna be tight for two years, but I’m worth it, darn it!!!! I really thought long and hard about it and thought, why not? I haven’t done anything just for me … well … in a LONG time.

The only thing I couldn’t get the guy to throw in was the luggage storage and there’s only one option since the bike is so new and I’m gonna have to save for that. That’s about $350. I really need it for my ministerial stuff, but I’ll backpack it for now. It’ll work out.

And if you can’t tell by my enthusiastic writing, I’m really happy. LOL!

If I can get the trike sold that will go a long way to helping out. Pray for that one for me.

Anyway, I  think it’s time to get back to you guys, so …

Aussie Pete sent me a bunch of these so I’m gonna make a special run of these all in a row!

A preacher challenged his wife and criticized her actions after finding a dress costing $250 in her bag. He said, “You know we are on an incredibly tight budget. 

The wife admitted that she was wrong but explained she was tempted by the devil who followed her to the shopping mall. 

The man rested a hand on the woman’s shoulders and spoke softly, asking her to constantly resist the devil with the command, “Get behind me, Satan!” 

The preacher’s wife response was: “I did, and he said ‘The dress even looks good from back here.'”

Nope, we’re not done with the cat yet.

A lawyer had a jury trial in a very difficult business case. The client, who had attended the trial, was out of town when the jury came back with its decision, which was for the lawyer and his client.  The lawyer immediately sent a telegram to his client, reading, “Justice has triumphed!”  The client wired back, “Appeal at once!”

Told my wife I was going to start smoking pot.
She said if I did, she was going to leave me.
That’s proof that it gets rid of aches and pains!

I said to my wife: “When I die, I’d like to die having sex.”
She replied: “At least it’ll be quick.”

Now we’re going to do a set of these…also from the Great Aussie Pete:

A ditzy girl was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink. A dozen times the olive eluded her. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick.  “Here, this is how you do it,” he said, as he easily skewered the olive.

“Big deal,” she muttered. “I already had him so tired out, he couldn’t get away.”

Most people will say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
An engineer will say, “If it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.”

I work with engineers every day (I’m in the Civil Engineering Squadron, don’t ask me why) and I can tell you with absolute honesty that this is 100% truth!

The flight attendant on the trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. As the young man stepped forward, she playfully offered some to him.  He passed, pointing to the Airborne wings on his Army uniform. He explained, “The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.”

I Just Spit Out My Sandwich Cackling At These Complete Strangers Who Came Out Of Nowhere With The Funniest Possible Reply To A Random Comment

There’s a new book out called, ARE YOU NORMAL?
 
According to the book, 76% of guys would rather watch an important football game than have sex.
 
The other 24% said that’s what half time is for.

My friend’s ideal measurements for a man are . . .
80 – 20 – 103
 

80 years old
20 million in the bank
103 fever

And that’s it. I also think that’s probably the fastest full issue I’ve EVER put together. I know there wasn’t a lot of “me” in there this time, but I hope you got to laugh. Until next time…

Today is Monday…Labor Day…and I am Laborishly (I just made that word up) working away at bringing you yet another issue of your favorite ezine since I will be QUITE the busy dragon this week. It is not only the UTA week, which has all the things associated with it, but I am loaded down with meetings and classes this week, plus I have to take Thursday off for a special…hush-hush…secret project that you may or may not hear about after it is over with. We’ll have to see how it all pans out.

IN THE MEAN TIME …

We are STILL getting donations and I can’t thank you all enough, it is truly wonderful thing. August is officially over, but I won’t turn down anymore donations…every single little donation helps, that is for absolute certainty.

We are now up to 28 and if you’d like to see your name up in print than all you have to do is send in a donation as well (and if you don’t want to see your name, than please tell me so and I won’t put your name up here I won’t even put anonymous or friend of the show or anything if you don’t want me to) ANYWAY, I’m rambling, here’s our 28 wonderful folks:

 Pop, Steven, Chris, Michael, Catherine, Donald, Stephen, Kristine, Leah, Edmund, Sammye, Kenny, Jonathon, Ted, Robert, Kenneth, Marian, Dale, Joseph, Annmarie, Alan, Chuck, Joseph, Scott, Kevin, Dan, Wayne, and Lynn!

Thank you all so very much! Special thanks and praise, prayers and blessings out to all of you guys (and to all the readers). You all are the best.

Now, not to rush things, but places to go, things to do, villages to raze … so …

Aussie Pete is trying to teach us all how to speak Aussie ….

It is truly a marketing idea WAY past its time!

A local newspaper ran several stories about a study that tied male obesity to a virus.

One evening my brother came home exhausted from a long day at work.

“Did you read the paper?” he asked.

“I’m not going in to work tomorrow.  I’m calling in fat.”

31 Facts About Crime and Law to Yell in Court to Prove Your Innocence

Did you know that the sunflower hides an amazing mathematical secret?

The sunflower is not just a beautiful flower; its seeds follow the Fibonacci spiral, a precise mathematical pattern that helps it grow with amazing efficiency!

This flower arranges its seeds according to the Fibonacci sequence, giving it the best possible distribution of space within the disc and allowing it to produce the largest number of seeds without overcrowding. This clever arrangement ensures optimal absorption of light and nutrients, making it one of the most efficient plants in nature!

But it’s not limited to plants!

In a spiral, its shell grows in a spiral shape that gradually expands at the same Fibonacci ratio, giving it strength and a solid structure.

In galaxies and planets, some spiral galaxies follow the same ratio in the arrangement of their arms, while this pattern also appears in the orbits of some planets and moons, reflecting a harmonious mathematical system in the universe.

As opposed to????

After ICE Arrest, Owner of Trump Burger Faces Deportation

Lebanese immigrant Roland Beainy was arrested by ICE in May and could be deported this fall

Some won’t get that one, either.

This is SO cool!  Thanks Lynn!!

Differences Between the Sexes

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate. and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate, and Sarah. 

If Mike, Dave, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba, and Turkey.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave, and John will each throw in $20, even though the tab is only $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. 

When the girls get their bill, out come the calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. 

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, a razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. 

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t. 

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. 

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. 

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children.

A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, friends, favorite foods, secret fears, and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

FINAL THOUGHT

A married man just forgets about his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

Tune-up with Sydney

Right?!

Well…above and beyond that the whole concept is wrong! We did not evolve from anything!

There are only two things in the world that a child will willingly share…
A communicable diseases and mom’s age.

“Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised.”
– J.R.R. Tolkien

Teacher: “What a strange pair of socks Johnny, one of your socks is striped and the other is plain red.” 

Johnny: “Yes, it is very strange. I have another pair at home exactly the same.”

---

Where do mansplainers get their water?
From a “well actually.”

And that’s it my friends. Keep me in your prayers this weekend, it’s gonna be one for the books! 

I know for you guys it’s Thursday, but for me…last Saturday. And yes, I’m trying to get ahead again because this weekend is the UTA again and I’ll be working.

Got to spend the day with my son, the Whelpling, that was a lot of fun.

Okay, I’m gonna keep  doing this as long as you guys keep donating. 

We are up to 27 now! And they are:

Pop, Steven, Chris, Michael, Catherine, Donald, Stephen, Kristine, Leah, Edmund, Sammye, Kenny, Jonathon, Ted, Robert, Kenneth, Marian, Dale, Joseph, Annmarie, Alan, Chuck, Joseph, Scott, Kevin, Dan, and Wayne.

Last time…donate at the website (dragonlaffs.com) in the upper righthand corner is the donate button, that’s through PayPal, you don’t have to have a PayPal account to do that. Or write to me at impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com and I’ll give you the snail-mail address or the Zelle email (which is NOT impishdragon@dragonlaffs.com!!!!).  Those are the three ways to donate that we’ve figured out so far. There might be others…haven’t worked that out yet.

Okay, on to the show!

Yes…it’s an old joke, but it’s still funny…

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?”

“Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”

“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble”

“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde. So, the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded,  “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo!”

“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde.  “But we had money left over so now we’re going to Sea World.”

The physician was taking her four-year old daughter to pre-school. The doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still my heart, thought the doctor, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!
 
Then the child spoke into the instrument: “Welcome to McDonald’s – May I take your order?”

The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington USA appeared to be the robber’s first (and last), due to his lack of a previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, A gun shop specializing in handguns.

2. The shop was full of customers – firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and fired a few wild shots from a .22 target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm Glock 17, the clerk with a .50 Desert Eagle, assisted by several customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also fired, The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.

Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.

So true.

Incredible Dragon House: Design Inspirations & Building Challenges

That one was from Lynn!

Very good advice, actually.

Every time I go on vacation my wife gets pregnant…This year I’m taking her with me!

A small boy was at the zoo with his father. They were looking at the tigers, and his father was telling him how ferocious they were. 

“Daddy, if the tigers got out and ate you up…”

“Yes, son?” the father asked, ready to console him.

“…Which bus would I take home?”

If You’re a Bear

(Me thinks written by a woman)

If you’re a bear, you get to hibernate.  You do nothing but sleep for six months. 
I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid.
I could deal with that too.

If you’re a bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you are sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.  If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.  I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yup……I want to be a bear!

Goldie Cohen, an elderly Jewish lady from New York, goes to her travel agent. “I vont to go to India.”

“Mrs. Cohen, why India? It’s filthy, much hotter than New York, it’s full of poor, dirty people.”

“I vont to go to India.”

“But it’s a long journey, and those trains, how will you manage? What will  you eat? The food is too hot and spicy for you. You can’t drink the water. You must not eat fresh fruit and vegetables. You’ll get sick: the plague, hepatitis, cholera, typhoid, malaria, God only knows. What will you do? Can you imagine the hospital, no Jewish doctors? Why torture yourself?”

“I vont to go to India.”

The necessary arrangements are made, and off she goes. She arrives in India  and, undeterred by the noise, smell and crowds, makes her way to an ashram.

There she joins the seemingly never-ending line of people waiting for an audience with the guru. An aide tells her that it will take at least three days of standing in line to see the guru.

“Dotz OK.”

Eventually she reaches the hallowed portals. There she is told firmly that due to the long lines she can only say SIX words to the guru.

“Fine.”

She is ushered into the inner sanctum where the wise guru is seated, ready to bestow spiritual blessings upon his eager initiates. Just before she reaches the holy of holiest she is once again reminded:

“Remember, just SIX words.”

Unlike the other devotees, she does not prostrate at his feet. She stands directly in front of him, crosses her arms over her chest, fixes her gaze on his, and says:

“Sheldon, It’s your mother. Come home.”

Well…..almost!

That’s a chart I got while studying Revelation. It’s quite interesting.

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern.

“Paddy,” he said, ” I’m afraid I’ll not be seeing you in Heaven one day.”

“Really, Father?” slurred Paddy. “What have you done?”

And that’s it my friends. Until next time, may God Bless you and keep you, and bring you love and happiness.