Dragon Laffs #1378

Dragon Laffs 16
Good Morning Campers!  How’s everyone doing this morning?  Man, have we got a fun-filled e-zine for you this morning!  I hope spring is finally here, although we still have snow in our friggin’ forecast!  At least we didn’t get our asses kicked by a mudslide like Tom went through.  So, here’s Tom:
NORTHWEST WEATHER:  Our Spring Break weather has been lousy and in some areas, devastating. Lows continue to be in the low to mid- forties with highs in the mid-fifties. Rain, heavy at times with few sun breaks. No change in the near future is forecast. Two feet of new snow is expected in the mountains over the weekend.

The heavy rain has caused landslides in the area, closing some roads and highways. A major slide northeast of Seattle totally destroyed the small community of Oso Washington. So far, 25 people have been found dead and at least 90 are still missing and presumed dead.Washington Mudslide
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The pictures show first responders searching some of the ruins left behind by the mudslide in Oso. Nothing was left in the area and the mud is 30 to 40 feet deep. Maybe we cou
ld all help the victims and their familie
s with a little prayer. It won’t cost you anything and only takes a minute.
 
Tom, in Turner Oregon. 3f

Wow.  That sounds bad in so many different ways!  Since Tom’s is the only full update I received this week, I’ll just tell you that here, in North Central Indiana, we’ve got a possible high of 41° and a low of 25° with a 50% chance of snow.
Snow!
It’s almost APRIL!!!
This is now entering the ridiculous stage!  Bordering on the insane!
Although, the saying in Indiana is, if you don’t like the weather, wait an hour.

So, after all that, I don’t know about you, but I SURE NEED a laff!  Whadda ya say?  Shall we get started?

Yes?

Then…

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Chris Hadfield “There is no problem so large in space, that you can’t make it worse…” A great talk by a modern day hero.

Do dogs react to magic?  Watch as magician and mentalist Jose Ahonen vanishes some dog treats under their noses. 

By the way, they say that all the dogs got treats before and after the trick.

 

Don’t we all have that “special” brother or nephew or uncle?  This guy could be one of mine…

Dear Sir:

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.
In block number 3 of the accident reporting form, I put “trying to do
the job alone”, as the cause of my accident.  You said in your letter
that I should explain more fully, and I trust that the following details
will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade.  On the day of the accident, I was working
alone on the roof of a new six-story building.  When I completed my
work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of brick left over.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a
barrel, by using a pulley, which fortunately, was attached to the side
of the building, at the sixth floor.

SECURING THE ROPE AT GROUND LEVEL, I went up to the roof, swung the
barrel out and loaded the brick into it.  Then, I went back to the
ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent
of the 500 pounds of bricks.  You will note in block number 11 of the
accident reporting form, that I weigh 135 pounds.

Due to my surprise of being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost
PRESENCE OF MIND and forgot to let go of the rope.  Needless to say, I
proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This
explains the fractured skull and broken collarbone.

SLOWED ONLY SLIGHTLY, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until
the fingers of my right hand were two-knuckles deep into the pulley.

Fortunately, by this time I regained my presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the
ground – and the bottom fell out of the barrel.  Devoid of the weight of
the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds.

I refer you again to my weight in block number 11.  As you might
imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured ankles and the lacerations of my legs and
lower body.

The encounter with the barrel slowed me enough to lessen my injuries
when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three
vertebrae were cracked.

I AM SORRY TO REPORT, however, that as I lay there on the bricks – in
pain, unable to stand, and watching the empty barrel six stories above
me — I again lost my presence of mind —

I LET GO OF THE ROPE

 

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Montana Bows to Pressure from Anti-Gun Lobby
 
Hard to believe Montana did this, but Montana has followed that idiot newspaper in New York and released a map of the location of all gun owners in the state. 
 
Their locations are marked in red:3b

Oh payback is SUCH a bitch!  Why you should never, EVER prank your dad.  He’s got years more experience at being devious, wicked and evil and can give a whole lot better than he gets.  Here is revenge like you’ve never seen it before!

 

Breaking News!

WASHINGTON In what was described as a major ramping up of sanctions, Secretary of State John Kerry announced on Tuesday that the United States had frozen Russian President Vladimir Putin’s Netflix account, effective immediately.
“Unless and until Mr. Putin calls off the annexation of Crimea, no more ‘House of Cards’ or ‘Orange Is the New Black’ for him,” Mr. Kerry said. “The United States will not stand by and reward the annexation of another sovereign nation with a policy of streaming as usual.”
While all of the sanctions Mr. Kerry announced on Tuesday were Netflix-related, he warned Mr. Putin that “nothing is off the table.”
“I’m sure I don’t need to remind the Russian President that ‘Game of Thrones’ is about to come back for another season,” he said. “As I have said, this thing could get very ugly, very fast.”

 

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WWII Facts

  You might enjoy this from Col D. G. Swinford, USMC, Retired and a history buff.  You would really have to dig deep to get this kind of ringside seat to history:

1. The first German serviceman killed in WW II was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), The first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940);  The highest ranking American killed was Lt Gen Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps.

2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old: Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age.  His benefits were later restored by act of Congress.

3. At the time of Pearl Harbor, the top US Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced ‘sink us’);  The shoulder patch of the US Army’s 45th Infantry division was the swastika.  Hitler’s private train was named ‘Amerika.’  All three were soon changed for PR purposes.

4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps.  While completing the required 30 missions, an airman’s chance of being killed was 71%.

5. Generally speaking, there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target.  For instance, Japanese Ace Hiroyoshi   Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.

6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a big mistake.  Tracers had different Ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing.  Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction.  Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.

7. When allied armies reached the Rhine, the first thing men did was pee in it.  This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act).

8. German ME-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City, but they decided it wasn’t worth the effort.

9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.

10. Among the first ‘Germans’ captured at Normandy were several Koreans.  They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.

11. Following a massive naval bombardment, 35,000 United States and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands.  21 troops were killed in the assault on the island… It could have been worse if there had actually been any Japanese on the island.

12. The last marine killed in WW2 was killed by a can of spam.  He was on the ground as a POW in Japan when rescue flights dropping food and supplies came over, the package came apart in the air and a stray can of spam hit him and killed him.

3c

When Impish Dragon was just a small boy and hadn’t even discovered his dragon side yet, he came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard.  Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back
with its legs in the air.
When his Dad came home Impish said,”Dad, our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?”
His father thinking quickly said, “Son that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.”
“Gee Dad that’s great,” said our young dragon.
A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Impish rushed out to meet him yelling, Dad, Dad, we almost lost Mom today.!!
“What do you mean?” asked Dad
”Well, Dad, I got home from school early today, and went up to our bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,  ‘I’m coming, I’m coming, oh God, I’m coming!’ and if it hadn’t been for Uncle
Guido holding her down, we’d have lost her for sure!”

 

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I don’t frequent the bars very often but I felt compiled to entertain myself at the Texas Rose last night, and while I was waiting for a beer, a butt-ugly, I mean BUTT UGLY, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me on the ass.

She said, “Hey sexy, how about giving me your number.”

I looked at her and said, “Have you got a pen.”

She said, “I sure do.”

I said, ” Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices you’re missing.”

My dental surgery is on Monday

 

3d

 

Okay, so we haven’t heard anything from Wheats lately, and I know some of you have gotten worried.  Not to fear, Wheats is fine.  He’s actually working on a super secret really special project for me that I will happily share with all of you when it is complete!  In the meantime, here’s his latest submission.  I think it’s utterly fantastic!

3g

 

Okay, so as I’m typing this up on Friday night, my beautiful wife says, “Did you hear that?”  I said no and she continued, “Subway has a new “Flatizza”.  She started to describe it as a pizza like thing, but all I saw in my head was a small boobed, pole-dancer who is one of the few who doesn’t put out.  Are you with me?

My head hurts.

Motivational

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Another one of the toys I used to play with

 

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this is why

 

A very, VERY unusual event has been captured on film.

Something so rare, I could find no other pictures of it anywhere!

So, prepare yourself to be shocked and overwhelmed!

Here for the first time…

An actual documented picture of Democrats in a brainstorming session…

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1It’s Saturday morning, the issue has already posted and I’m adding in this last word to show you how crazy life is…this is what I woke up to this morning:photo (2)And although you can’t really see it in the picture, it’s still snowing!  And these are my poor tulips trying to make a go of it!  Hang on guys!  You can do it! photo (1)Silly damn weather.
Have a great weekend!

Ending

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Leprechaun Laughs # 238 for March 26th 2014

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Yeah humorous or witty opening…right…Ok then…I…ummm… (Big huff)…I got nuthin.

I’m still trying to  come to terms with not winning William Buffet’s Billion Dollar NCAA Perfect Bracket Challenge. On top of failing to win and failing to be one of the top 20 closest brackets awarded a $100K second place prize I learned today that some DID successfully and verifiably predict a perfect bracket in the right place but didn’t bother to sign up for the challenge.

Sigh…So no early retirement, no mega yacht to whisk me off to my private island with Anti Dragon Artillery and my own private imported from Ireland honest to Jayus Irish Pub. No privately owned cryogenically cooled super computer to spy on what Big Brother is doing spying on us.

(Sniffling) not even a decently aged bottle of Bushmill’s Irish Whiskey!

Be on your way about the issue, I’ll be after a good cry in me cuppa and catch up w/ the likes o’ ya afore ya make the end ta be sure. Off with ya now I say! I don’t want none of ye ta see me sobbing like a bloody dragon!

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Snoopy Latte

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TV infomercial star Kevin Trudeau sentenced to 10 years in criminal contempt case

TV infomercial star-turned-convicted swindler Kevin Trudeau has been sentenced to 10 years after prosecutors accused him of cheating people out of millions in a fraudulent weight-loss book.

Trudeau, whose sentence follows his defiance of paying a $37 million fine, was slammed as “deceitful to the core” by U.S. District Judge Ronald Guzman in Chicago Monday.

The 50-year-old still gave one last pitch before the judge, saying that his four months behind bars for the November conviction had already changed him for the better.

“I have absolutely learned a life-changing lesson from all of this,” Trudeau said.

The judge may have at least been partially moved by this pitch, the sentence he handed down reads “10 years or 10 easy installments of just 1 year.”

 

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PSA Recall

Listeria Recall Affects Parkers Farm Cheese, Salsa, Spreads

A possible Listeria contamination prompted the voluntary recall

By Andie Adams |  Sunday, Mar 23, 2014  |  Updated 9:51 AM EDT

A major recall out of Minnesota is affecting foods sold at Costco, Wal-Mart, Target, Whole Foods and more stores nationwide.

Parkers Farm Acquisition has issued a voluntary recall of certain peanut butter, cheese, salsa and spreads due to a possible Listeria contamination.

A Minnesota Department of Agriculture test first detected the bacteria.

No illnesses have been reported from the tainted food, but people who have bought the following products are encouraged to return them or throw them out:

  • 16-ounce Parkers peanut butter in square plastic containers (tub with snap-on lid), including creamy, crunchy, honey creamy and honey crunchy varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 34-ounce Parkers peanut butter in round plastic containers (tub with snap-on lid), including creamy and crunchy varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 12-ounce Parkers spreads in round or square plastic containers (tub with snap-on lid), including jalapeño and pimento varieties with a sell by date before 9/20/2014
  • 8-ounce and 16-ounce Parkers cold pack cheese in round plastic containers (tub with snap-on lid), including sharp cheddar, bacon, onion, smoked cheddar, Swiss almond, horseradish, garlic, port wine, and “Swiss & cheddar” varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 16-ounce Parkers salsa in round plastic containers (tub with snap-on lid), including hot, mild, garlic, and fire-roasted varieties with a sell by date before 7/20/2014
  • 10-ounce Parkers cheese balls or logs (plastic overwrap), including sharp cheddar, port wine, ranch, and “smokey bacon” varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 10-ounce Happy Farms cheese balls (plastic overwrap), including sharp cheddar and port wine varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 16-ounce Happy Farms cold pack cheese in round plastic containers (tub with snap-on lid), including sharp cheddar and port wine varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 8-ounce Central Markets cold pack cheese in round plastic containers (tub with snap-on lid), including sharp cheddar, port wine, horseradish, and Swiss almond varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 12-ounce and 20-ounce Hy-Top cheese spread in round plastic containers (tub with snap-on lid), including pimento and jalapeño varieties with a sell by date before 9/20/2014;
    8-ounce Amish Classic cold pack cheese in round plastic containers (tub with snap-on lid), including sharp cheddar, port wine, and Swiss almond varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 14-ounce Say Cheez beer cheese in round plastic container (tub with snap on lid), including regular and hot varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015;
    10-ounce Win Schuler original variety cheese balls or logs (plastic overwrap) with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 8-ounce,12-ounce, and 14-ounce Bucky Badger cheese spreads (tub with snap-on lid) including cheddar, port wine, bacon, garlic, horseradish, jalapeño, and Swiss almond varieties with a sell by date before 3/20/2015
  • 5-pound foodservice products including cold pack cheese foods, cheese spreads and peanut butter with a sell by date before 3/20/2015.

Listeria can cause listeriosis, a disease with symptoms including fever, severe headache, neck stiffness and nausea. The USDA says healthy people rarely contract listeriosis, but it can prove fatal to infants, elderly people and those with weak immune systems.

It can also lead to miscarriages and stillbirths in pregnant women.

If you have any questions about the recall, you can call Parkers Farm at 800-869-6685 or visit its website.

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The Obedient  Wife

At the regular Saturday morning service, the rabbi announced that he was
planning to leave for a larger congregation that would pay him more.
There is a hush within the congregation. No one wants him to leave  because he is so popular. 

Fred Shapiro, who owns several car dealerships in Venice and Sarasota , stands up and proclaims, “If the  rabbi stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year and his
wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!” 

The congregation sighs in appreciation and applauds.
Saul Cohen, a successful businessman and lawyer, stands and says, “If the  rabbi will stay on here, I’ll personally double his salary and establish  a foundation to guarantee a free college education for his children!”
More sighs and loud applause.

Estelle Rubin, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, “If the rabbi stays, I will give him sex!”
There is total silence.
The rabbi, blushing, asks her: “Mrs. Rubin, you’re a  wonderful and holy lady. Whatever possessed you to say that?”

Estelle’s 90-year old husband, Abe, is now trying to hide, holding his forehead
with the palm of his hand and shaking his head from side to side, while  his wife replies:
“Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, “Fuck him.”

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PRETTY sure than made a sound regardless when it fell.

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From the Makers of  “The US Border Learn to Respect It Or I Will Shoot You You Illegal Undocumented Democrat Welfare Seeking Muther!”

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Farfalle and Tuna Casserole

Campbell's Farfalle and Tuna Casserole Recipe

This scrumptious casserole features tuna, pasta, sun-dried tomatoes and a creamy Alfredo sauce. Ready in less than 1 hour, it’s sure to become a family favorite

Prep 20 min. | Total 50 min.

Serves 4 | Bake: 30 min.

 

What You’ll Need

1/2 cup seasoned dry bread crumbs
1 tablespoon butter, melted
1/2 of a 1-pound package farfalle pasta, cooked and drained
2 cans (5 ounces) tuna packed in oil, drained
1 cup frozen peas, thawed
1 cup chopped sun-dried tomatoes
1/2 teaspoon Italian seasoning, crushed
1 jar (14.5 ounces) Alfredo Sauce

How to Make It

  • 1 Heat the oven to 350°F.  Stir the bread crumbs and butter in a small bowl. 
  • 2  Stir the farfalle, tuna, peas, tomatoes, Italian seasoning and sauce in a 2-quart round casserole.  Sprinkle with the bread crumb mixture.
  • 3 Bake for 30 minutes or until the tuna mixture is hot and bubbling and the bread crumb mixture is golden brown.

Cheesy Chicken & Potato Casserole

Campbell's Cheesy Chicken & Potato Casserole Recipe

Frozen hash browns with onions and peppers are topped with cooked chicken, a delicious soup mixture and Cheddar cheese. Baked until hot and bubbling and sprinkled with crumbled bacon, this savory, satisfying casserole is sure to please.

 

Prep 15 min. | Total 1 hr.  | Serves 6 about 1 1/3 cups each | Bake: 45 min.

What You’ll Need

Vegetable cooking spray
1 can (10 3/4 ounces) Campbell’s® Condensed Cream of Chicken Soup (Regular or 98% Fat Free)
1 cup sour cream
2 cups shredded Cheddar cheese or Colby Jack cheese
1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
1 package (28 ounces) frozen diced potatoes (hash browns) with onions and peppers, thawed
Salt
3 cups shredded cooked chicken
4 slices bacon, cooked and crumbled
2 tablespoons chopped fresh chives or thinly sliced green onion

How to Make It

  • 1 Heat the oven to 375°F.  Spray a 13x9x2-inch baking dish with the cooking spray. 
  • 2 Stir the soup, sour cream, 1 cup cheese, milk, garlic powder and black pepper in a medium bowl.
  • 3 Spread the potatoes in the baking dish.  Season the potatoes with the salt and additional black pepper.  Top with the chicken.  Spread the soup mixture over the chicken.  Cover the baking dish.
  • 4 Bake for 40 minutes or until the potatoes are tender and the mixture is hot and bubbling.  Uncover the baking dish.  Sprinkle with the remaining cheese.
  • 5 Bake, uncovered, for 5 minutes or until the cheese is melted.  Sprinkle with the bacon and chives before serving.

Savory (Pork) Sausage or Chicken Sausage (we use a Chicken, Poblano & Queso one) work extremely well in this too. Though I have not tried it as yet I would think ham would too though I’d leave the bacon off as a garnish in that instance.  I also sneak frozen peas mushrooms & pearl onion or broccoli florets into this regularly though I cook them first to avoid extra liquid from frozen veggies interfering with the cooking time.

Pulled pork sandwiches
Recipe by Michael Mina of Bourbon Steak & Pub

What you’ll need:

1/4 cup dark brown sugar, lightly packed
2 Tbsp kosher salt
2 Tbsp paprika
1 Tbsp ground black pepper
1/2 Tbsp ground coriander
1/2 tsp mustard powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
1 boneless pork butt, about 3 pounds
1 1/2 cups apple juice
1/2 cup water
6 to 8 soft white rolls

How to make it:

1. In a medium bowl, mix together the brown sugar, salt, paprika, pepper, coriander, mustard powder, and onion powder. Massage the mixture into the pork, wrap it in plastic wrap, and refrigerate at least 1 hour or up to overnight.

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2. Preheat your oven to 300°F. In a large roasting pan fitted with a rack, add the apple juice and water. Place the pork on the rack so it rests above the liquid. Cover the pan tightly with foil and transfer to the oven. Cook until the pork can be easily separated with two forks, 3 to 4 hours. Remove the foil and cook until the exterior of the meat is well browned, another 30 minutes.

3. Remove the pan from the oven, transfer the pork to a large platter, and allow the meat to rest for 10 minutes. Use two forks to shred the pork into small pieces. Transfer to a bowl, stir in some of the pan drippings, if desired. Sandwich between rolls and serve.

Makes 6 to 8 servings.

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Marshmallow, Cat King of Escape

Mascot of a veterinary clinic in Marseille ..

For all who are offended by the cage: the cat is at the vet, and he was only put in the cage to show that he is able to open it.

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Actually I think what he means its his face would get slapped a whole lot more!

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(With last week’s passing of Fred Phelps, the leader of the Westboro Baptist Church, has come a firestorm of conversation and controversy. This includes the selling of a t-shirt depicting Phelps’ face above the slogan, “Good Riddance,” by the L.A.-based post-hardcore band Touché Amoré. Proceeds from the shirts will go towards the Human Rights Campaign. “We feel there is beautiful irony in selling an image of a bigot and using the profit towards achieving equality for exactly what they hated,” Lead singer Jeremy Bolm writes.)

Ding Dong! Fred Phelps is dead. Which old Fred? The Westboro Fred!
Ding Dong! The Westboro Fred is dead.
Wake up – sleepy head, rub your eyes, get out of bed.
Wake up, Fred Phelps is dead. He’s gone where the bigoted bastards go,
Below – below – down below. Yo-ho, on with equality we go, lets sing and ring the bells.
Ding Dong’ the merry-oh, sing it high, sing it low.
Let them know
The Westboro Fred Phelps is dead!

[My sincere apologies to the writers of The Wizard of Oz for associating their wonderful movie musical with such a piece of human flotsam]
 

Ok now that I got that out of my system (it’s been running through my head ever since I first heard the news) Lets get on with this as this is the second Parting Shot I’ve written for this week having moved the first one after hearing the news of the Bigot Baptist’s long prayed for demise.

Yes I know its not Christian or good manners to take pleasure in the passing of a fellow man. I also know that if we abide in an ‘eye for an eye’ world it would shortly become an world of the blind. I can’t help it however. This man caused my stomach to turn not my cheek.

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Perhaps the nicest comments on the passing of Fred Phelps were made by USA Today:

Fred Phelps, anti-gay Westboro Baptist founder, dies

Fred Phelps Sr., a fierce opponent of homosexuality whose protests at military funerals prompted two federal laws, died early Thursday, his daughter Margie Phelps says. She didn’t give the cause of death or the condition that recently put him in hospice care. He was 84.

Phelps headed the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kan., and was occasionally involved in politics. He gained national prominence for organizing protests against gays and Jews, including at military funerals.

He led protesters outside the funeral of Matthew Shepard, a University of Wyoming student who was killed in October 1998 for what a later trial determined was because he was gay. President Obama signed a law in October 2009 making crimes against perceived sexual orientation a hate crime.

The Anti-Defamation League called the church “a small, virulently homophobic, anti-Semitic hate group” and the Southern Poverty Law Center called it “arguably the most obnoxious and rabid hate group in America.”

The group also protested military funerals by saying soldiers deserved to die for defending an irreversibly corrupt government.

President George W. Bush signed a law in May 2006 that established a 150-foot zone prohibiting picketing at military funerals within an hour of the service. Obama signed a similar law in August 2012 that increased the buffer to 300 feet and doubled the prohibition to within two hours of the service.

Phelps was himself an occasional candidate. In the Kansas Democratic U.S. Senate primary in 1992, Phelps got 31% of the vote against Gloria O’Dell, who got 69%. She eventually lost to Republican Sen. Bob Dole.

Phelps, a graduate of Washburn University law school, was disbarred from Kansas state courts in 1979 after badgering a witness in a civil case in what the state Supreme Court called “a personal vendetta.”

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Time Magazine, ever the bastion of fair play good taste and factual unbiased reporting was some what less kind about the man and his legacy:

Good Riddance, Fred Phelps

He was the kind of person no one wanted to be around

Fred Phelps, a colossal jerk, died Thursday in Topeka, Kansas, at 84, after a long life in which even his few admirable achievements (a series of civil rights cases that he filed as an attorney) stemmed from a deeply disagreeable personality (he loved to pick fights with his neighbors). He was the kind of person no one wanted to be around: a lawyer disbarred by his colleagues, a preacher disowned by every denomination he ever espoused, a father rejected by his children—even, in the end, the children who emulate his worst characteristics.

Ordinarily, such an unpleasant and despicable man would not make much of a stir by dying. But Phelps was different from the garden-variety grinch in one important way: He had a thirst for notoriety and a genius for getting it.

His so-called Westboro Baptist Church—which was not in any meaningful sense “Baptist” or even a “church”—was a brutal but highly effective tool for compelling the attention of the world’s media. For most of the history of Westboro, it had few, if any, members beyond Phelps’s own family, which (according to at least one of his sons) the “pastor” kept in line with fists and a club.

But Phelps understood that the engine of news is conflict, and the sharper the conflict, the better. So he made a life of showing up at newsworthy events to shout vile abuse and attack innocent people he had never met. By bringing his family along, he gave the impression of numbers, and by calling this vile façade a “church,” he tapped into poisonous millennia of religious conflict to turbocharge his egomania. A man waving a sign that says “I Hate Fags” is pathetic; a man waving a sign that says “God Hates Fags” is news.

As a reporter and editor in some big newsrooms over the past 30 years, I watched as one journalist after another took Phelps’s bait, then tried to spit out the hook once the dishonesty and shabbiness of the man’s enterprise grew clear. You could fill a gymnasium with the scribes who swore off coverage of Westboro over the years. The only problem was, new and naïve reporters were being minted all the time, ready to believe that Phelps represented some larger darkness beyond the pit of his own person.

Ultimately, however, even Phelps could not keep this going forever. Westboro has been caught between two forces. One is the small group of journalists who went beyond the inflammatory picket lines to show the Phelps family as it really is: representative of nothing more than their own dysfunction. The other is the larger community of decent individuals who decided to give the media another, fresher story. Starting with the motorcycle riders of the Patriot Guard and quickly spreading to high schools, college campuses, and legitimate churches, a movement arose to build human walls between the Phelpses and the cameras. Though the family has tried desperately to regain its leverage by picketing celebrities, in fact, its day is done. The clan is devouring itself from within: even Fred was “excommunicated” in his last days.

This is the bright side of a gloomy life, and the reason not to despair over a life like Fred Phelps’s. Such a man can bend, but not break, the spirit of an open society. Too many spotlights were cast in his direction, but at least they illuminated his fall.

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But perhaps the best look at the man his life and his ministry came not from a well know news source but from a little known blog which chose the satirical high ground to comment on the man and his legacy:

Fred Phelps’ Death Prompts Westboro Baptist Church To Protest His Funeral

http://www.duffelblog.com/2012/09/fred-phelps-dies-westboro-baptist-church-plans-to-protest-funeral/#!BbDjw

TOPEKA, KS – On the same day that Fred Phelps’ body was found rotting in a chair in his upstairs office, members of the controversial Westboro Baptist Church announced that they would be picketing his upcoming funeral.

Phelps, born November 13, 1929, was the leader of the church — an organization that practices a strange, anti-homosexual version of Christianity that has been known to protest at celebrity and military funerals.

The pastor’s daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper, was the first to discover the 83-year-old’s body.

“We haven’t brought dad out to very many protests for a few years now,” said Phelps-Roper. “In fact, it’s been quite a while since even we had seen him. Once he starts on a marathon of old Growing Pains episodes, we just leave him alone until he comes down.”

“He always loved Kirk Cameron,” she added.

Judging by the smell and decomposition of the body, officials from the coroner’s office say that Pastor Phelps’ probably died at least six months ago. There wasn’t any sign of foul play, but they did report that the television was still playing, and appeared to be “scrambled up 80s pornography.”

“I think I saw boob in there,” said Davis Shields, one of the coroner officials on the scene. “But with this stuff, there’s really no way to be sure.”

Some members of the Westboro Baptist Church were hoping to cover up their oversight.

“We’ve just been so busy with all these funerals against all the fag-enablers,” said Jakob Phelps. “But since granddad died and this is a huge embarrassment, I was thinking that maybe we could sort of, prop him up and put some makeup on him to still make him look alive, like Weekend at Bernie’s.”

“Oh really? You want to put makeup on him? You must be a fag sent from hell,” said Phelps-Roper. “Get the hell out of here! God will punish you!”

Despite some disagreement, most of the members of Westboro say they will be proud to “do the Lord’s work.”

“It’s quite obvious that this is God’s message to us. God hates fags, he kills fags, and dad just died,” said Phelps-Roper. “He must have been a fag.”

Church members usually protest military funerals with signs that demonstrate God’s punishment on the United States for “supporting homosexuals.” These usually include messages like “Thank God for IED’s” and “Soldiers Die For Fag Marriage.”

The death of Fred Phelps, apparently from natural causes, means the reasoning within the church is now shifting.

“I’m putting together a sign here for when we protest the demonic Fred Phelps fag,” said daughter Eleanor Phelps. “It says ‘Thank God For You Dying In Your Sleep.’”

Church members went on to show other signs they were preparing for future protests, including “Thank God For Car Crashes,” “God Punishes Fags With Diabetes,” and “Homo Sex = Cardiovascular Disease.”

Then again when satirical blog The Onions weighs in its always a good read:

Fred Phelps, Man Who Forever Stopped March Of Gay Rights, Dead At 84

Newsdeathreligiongay & lesbianNewsISSUE 50•11 • Mar 20, 2014

TOPEKA, KS—Fred Phelps Sr., the founder of the Westboro Baptist Church and the man who is widely credited with forever ending the gay rights movement in America, died today at age 84.

According to biographers and historians, many of the facets of modern-day society that we now take for granted—such as the ban on gay marriage in all 50 states and the inability of homosexuals to serve in the military—can be traced back to Phelps’ vocal public crusades against the unholy practice of homosexuality, which he began in 1991 and which quickly succeeded in bringing efforts to expand LGBT rights to a spectacular and abrupt halt.

“What Fred Phelps accomplished over the past 30 years—from a federal constitutional amendment limiting marriage to one man and one woman, to nationwide laws allowing businesses to turn away gay customers—makes him easily one of the most successful and monumental figures of the past century,” said biographer Michael Ammons, noting that depictions of gays and lesbians began to disappear from popular culture and the media as soon as Phelps began taking his powerful rallies against homosexuality from state to state. “Fred Phelps devoted his life to one goal, and he triumphed. This was an incredibly influential man who deserved all the attention he received. Think of the legacy he leaves behind: In the past three decades, homosexuality has become practically nonexistent in society.”

“And his record goes on and on,” Ammons continued. “Just take a look around today: Nowhere in this country can same-sex partners enter into domestic partnerships, file joint tax returns, or adopt children. The unmitigated failure of the gay rights movement is something that can be singlehandedly attributed to Fred Phelps and his tireless efforts to show us that this was an unholy behavior.”

In addition to his enduring legislative legacy, experts agree that Phelps’ religious rallies also had an indelible impact on the American social landscape. Many have pointed to Phelps’ preaching against the sin of homosexuality as the overwhelming reason why all homosexual advocacy groups died out entirely in the early 1990s; why nobody in entertainment, politics, or professional sports has ever come out as gay or lesbian; and why citizens who do venture out of the closet feel nothing but ridicule and shame, knowing they are perversions who don’t deserve to exist.

Many historians also noted that Phelps was an outspoken voice on pro-life and pro-marriage matters, and that the current zero-percent rates of divorce and abortion in the United States can be entirely attributed to his powerful message.

“It’s sickening to think what would have happened to our country if Fred Phelps hadn’t succeeded. Just imagining the sin and depravity that would exist all around us if people went out in public with their same-sex partners, or publicly celebrated that perverse aspect of who they are—it’s disgusting, and I’m glad that’s not the world we live in,” said Seattle resident Christine Smith, one of hundreds of millions of Americans who was touched by Phelps’ charisma and was won over by the influential worldview of his Westboro Baptist Church. “But thankfully, Fred Phelps opened everyone’s eyes to the truth that homosexuality is a sin that God will vengefully punish, and we no longer have to deal with any of those vile people enjoying the same rights as you or me.”

“Fred Phelps may be gone, but he will long be remembered for the countless accomplishments and successes he achieved in his lifetime,” she added. “I can safely say that the name Fred Phelps will never, ever be forgotten, and that his entire life’s efforts—his very existence—was most certainly not in vain.”

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In the end, Phelps hate mongering has probably done more good for the gay rights movement then could have been imagined as it put a real, tangible face on hatred and forced society to accept that the slippery slope also involved creepy weirdos like Fred.   Fred’s continuous picketting, protests and the like led more people to say ‘I can’t be on the same side as this guy’ and helps influence a generation that this kind of bigotry is wrong.

Last year, right before his ex-communication, Phelps faced confrontation of former members who wondered if Phelps himself wasn’t a gay man who’s self hatred manifested itself as it did.

Speaking in an interview with the Advocate, Drain speculated that Fred Phelps had at one point wanted to join the military, but suddenly changed his mind.

She said: “All I know is that he said he went to West Point, then all of a sudden he had a religious experience, and now he wanted to preach against sexual immorality, preach against the military, and ever since then things have kind of progressed.”

Drain went on to say that she thought his reaction to being asked by the media if he was gay himself was suspicious, in that it was particularly extreme.

“I never understood why, when [he was asked by the press], ‘Why are you so against the homosexuals? Did you have a homosexual experience? Do you have homosexual tendencies?’ And he would get so mad, he would shut down. And he’d be like, ‘I can’t talk to this person anymore, they’re stupid.’

“His reaction to that was stronger than any other question you can ask him. So I always wondered that — why does he get so mad? If I’m not gay, I’ll just say I’m not gay.”

Regardless, should this ex-communicated member of one of the most hate oriented churches in America be laid to rest, it is likely to be a major scene.. there would probably be some level of protests.  

But Fred, you old hate monger, you despicable human being..  Thank you for putting a real face on hatred and bigotry.  Your hate, your venom, your sheer level of evil reminded people all over the country that they couldn’t be on your side of this civil rights battle.  And for that, I’ll tip my glass, and be glad the world is rid of you when you’re gone, and glad the world had to confront your madness as it did.

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Now That Fred’s Dead- Is the End in Sight for the Church of Hate?

The church has suffered internal turmoil in recent years. Four of Phelps’ 13 children were estranged from their father. One of them, Nathan Phelps, has gone on speaking tours denouncing the church’s beliefs.

As Phelps aged and weakened, daughter Shirley Phelps-Roper became the church’s spokeswoman, carrying on the anti-gay rhetoric, Potok said.

Kansas news media recently reported that a board of eight church elders excommunicated Phelps from his own church last year for allegedly advocating a “kinder approach” to church members.

Responding to his father’s death, Nathan Phelps told the Daily Mail in Great Britain in an interview posted Thursday that when the elders excommunicated his father, they moved him to another home, where he stopped eating and drinking. Nathan Phelps, who now advocates gay and lesbian rights, said he believed the church will unravel following his father’s death. Three members have left in recent weeks and more desertions are on the way, he told the British tabloid.

“There will be a tipping point where they cannot lose any more” members, he said in the interview.

In a recent post on one of its websites, Westboro leaders downplayed the inner strife. “Listen carefully; there are no power struggles in the Westboro Baptist Church,” it says, “and there is no human intercessor — we serve no man, and no hierarchy, only the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Another post promised more rhetoric from members: “This is still a nation and world awash in sin. We will still warn you of this condition, out of our love and fear of the Lord, and out of our love for our neighbors.”

But Potok said he thinks the end is near for Westboro Baptist Church. Past extreme-right groups, such as the National Alliance and Aryan Nations, both neo-Nazi groups, collapsed quickly after the death of their leaders, he said.

“When you build a group so much around the personality and politics of a single leader, it’s sometimes difficult to keep that group alive when that leader dies,” Potok said. “It’s possible the church could fall apart in the next year or two.”

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George Takei might have best summed up how we should be reacting to the new of another (much hated) human beings demise-

“Today, Mr. Phelps may have learned that God, in fact, hates no one. Vicious and hate-filled as he was, may his soul find the kind of peace through death that was so plainly elusive during his life.

I take no solace or joy in this man’s passing.

We will not dance upon his grave, nor stand vigil at his funeral holding ‘God Hates Freds’ signs, tempting as it may be. He was a tormented soul, who tormented so many.

Hate never wins out in the end. It instead goes always to its lonely, dusty end.”

As for me personally, apparently I fall far short of George’s mark, making him a better more forgiving man than I for my message is far different than his for Fred. Mine harks back the the occasion of the Supreme Court upholding Westboro Baptist Church’s right to picket and demonstrate at Military funerals when Fred laughed about the irony of the very people whose funerals he was picketing having died to protect his right to do so.

“I didn’t serve to protect your right to free speech, I served to protect mine so that I can tell you what a bunch of Asshats you and your bunch of trained sign waving butt monkeys really are.”

As a message to the rest of his quasi-religious zoo of trained baboons I made a donation to GLAAD (Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation ) as well as to the non profit organization Planting Peace which owns the rainbow painted ‘Equality House’ directly across the street from the Westboro Baptist Church’s compound in Memory of Fred Phelps and had them send the cards to the Westboro Baptist Church.

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Dragon Laffs #1377

Header84Spring, glorious Spring!
Hot sunshine and grasses.
While we’re in the thing,
cold beer in glasses.
Hot barbeque and dogs;
What next could we have?
Campers pull up some logs
Of course it’s Dragon Laffs!

Good Morning Campers!  Yes, it’s Spring!  It’s finally here!  The Vernal Equinox passed us by this week heralding the arrival of Spring in all it’s wonderfulness.  Let’s check in on our weather gatherers and see how the rest of the country is doing… (Oh, and by the way, we’re still looking for a few more weather reporters…)
North
Northeast
EastBrother Wheats tells us that it’s 70°, partly cloudy with a low of 47 overnight.  That’s as much of a change as I get here.  Although it is a bit warmer in the day.  And he’ll definitely have better weather next week.  While I freeze, he’s going to be in the 50s and 60s.  Now that sounds like a nice place to live.  Plus I know he’ll take me sailing.  Woo Hoo!
SoutheastDad says it’s 84 and sunny with a 50% chance of rain.  What he doesn’t tell you is that in that part of Florida, there’s ALWAYS at LEAST a 50% chance of rain.  Thanks Dad!
SouthOur buddy Lethal Leprechaun gets 73° and sunny.  Sounds like a beautiful Day!!!  The low overnight is only going down a couple of degrees into the 60’s.  I don’t know folks, but I’m thinking Houston in the Spring sounds like THE place to be!
Southwest
West
Northwest-here’s Tom:
Greetings to all from the Pacific Northwest Weather Guy:  Today (Friday) in the Willamette Valley the sun is out and we expect a nice, sunny weekend. Cool nights in the mid thirties and daytime highs in the mid sixties. Not bad at all for the start of Spring.

Things are about the same on the ocean beaches, only there will be some wind over there. Just right for flying your kite on a sandy beach.4c
The usual rain will return early in the week and continue until it quits. That could be Tuesday, or maybe sometime in July. We never know. It does rain a lot here and that keeps things green and healthy if you’re a plant or a tree.
Of course that could all change. I hear that the government might soon be in charge of the rainfall here in Oregon. Then, I’m sure there will be a shortage of rain and a severe drought will result. That could cause a surtax on certain oversized raindrops. Only a rumor. How ’bout a gas price update along with the weather report? I paid $3.79 today for regular. Maybe I’ll put off that drive over to the beach.
 
FLYING KITES ON THE OREGON COAST

Centraland this one is mine.  (and I really like the idea of telling the price of gas) In Indiana yesterday we got all the way up to a beautiful 63°.  Sadly, a cold front has moved in and we won’t be out of the 30’s again until maybe Thursday!  Talk about crappy weather!!  Man, I’m moving!  Houston sounds nice!
Rumbling comes from down the hall.  Sounds like it’s coming from Lethal’s office!
Like Bloody Hell you’re moving to Houston!  It’s bad enough I have to work…
Impish stands up from behind desk, moves and closes his door…
Okay, so perhaps I’ll just stay here.

Moving on…

And yet another special holiday celebrated today… it’s Talk. Like. Captain. Kirk. Day. Incelebrationof…His. Birth—Day!
Yeah, that gets old REALLY quick.

I do believe it’s time for the good stuff!

Live, Love, Laugh

Lethal Leprechaun tells a story of an old Navy buddy of his.  The Marine Corps and the Navy have a long history of working together.  The Navy supply transportation to the Marines so they can storm the shores, et al and the Marines providing security on Naval Ships, things of that nature. So, it’s not surprising that our curmudgeonly old Leprechaun would have a dear old friend who is a curmudgeonly old Chief.  Lethal tells the story:
The old Chief finally retired from the Navy and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He took with him his lifelong pet parrot.

First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked and said, “Off yer hocks and don yer socks. Reveille!!”
 
The old chief told the parrot, “We are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep.”
 
The next morning, the parrot did the same thing.
 
The old Chief told the parrot, “Look, if you keep this up, I will put you out in the chicken coop!”
 
Again the parrot did it, and, true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen.
 
The next morning… about 0630, the Chief was awakened by one hell of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter.
 
The parrot had about forty white chickens in formation and on the ground lay three bruised and beaten brown ones! The parrot was saying, “By God, when I say ‘Fall out in dress whites,’ I don’t mean khakis!”

And speaking of our Lethal Leprechaun, every year, at St. Patrick’s Day, he is asked to help out in Chicago.  How you may ask?  By turning the river green!  Here, in this exclusive time-lapse video, you can see him in one of the little skiffs attached to his larger yacht, doing just that.

This next one is just bloody amazing!  I’m not a fan of the Oscars, nor of the particular actors depicted, but the artistry involved with this picture is truly amazing!

Kim Komando has this to say about this video: Turns out you don’t even need a camera phone to create the most viewed selfie of all time. The world’s most famous tweet is now the world’s most famous colored-pencil sketch of a famous tweet. You will not believe how realistic this drawing is – and it was all done with regular colored pencils.

3

Turns out that Mrs. Dragon is “The Caller” (even though I make most of the phone calls in the house), and I’m “The Emailer”.

 

Dragon Pic Green

DragonPapa1 (249)

I’m starting a new section or feature or whatever the heck you want to call it…
coollogo_com-22804272

Okay, so I’m still working on the title…but here it goes.  I won’t give you any lead in, the video tells the whole story:

851

I just received an audit on my tax return for 2012 back from the IRS. It puzzles me!!!
They are questioning how many dependents I claimed.
I guess it was because of my response to the question: “List all dependents?”
I replied: 12 million illegal immigrants; 3 million crack heads;
42 million unemployed people on food stamps,
2 million people in over 243 prisons;
Half of Mexico ; and 535 persons in the U.S. House and Senate.”
1 useless President.
Evidently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
I KEEP ASKING MYSELF, WHO DID I MISS?

1

f2009080101

Okay, so this is cool.  What happens when you wring out a sopping wet washcloth in zero gravity?  Probably not what you think…

3b

You gotta give him points for obnoxiousness. 

coollogo_com-6154696

a22

a23

a24

a25

Damn!  Someone should’ve of thought of contacting a medium and see if they contact him on the other side!
3d

Okay, so it’s time for a little bible humor.  Listed in Snopes as a legend, it still makes a really funny joke:
A young and nervous bride planning her wedding was increasingly terrified about her upcoming marriage. To calm her nerves, she decided to have a Bible verse which had always brought her comfort (1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love; for perfect love casts out fear”) engraved on her wedding cake. So she called the caterer and all arrangements were made.
About a week before the wedding, she received a call from the catering company. “Is this really the verse you want on your cake?” they asked. Yes, she confirmed, it was the one she wanted, and after a few more questions they said they would decorate the cake as requested.
The wedding day came, and everything was beautiful … until the reception, when the bride walked in to find the cake emblazoned with John 4:18: “For you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband.”
Read more at http://www.snopes.com/weddings/embarrass/biblecake.asp#4WhKfL9ZEVWyxjDg.99

So, you think your job is acronym heavy?  Look, I work for the United States Government by way of the Department of Defense and the United States Air Force.  I eat acronyms for lunch!  and yet, I couldn’t finish this quiz.  Try your best…and there will be a link for the answers afterward.

4

You can find the answers here.  Special thanks to WPromote, the originators of the graphic and Make Use Of for publishing it the first time.

 

coollogo_com-213502147

bondage

my jokes

remember

removable

This amazes me.  You can follow the flow of technology by the price of memory.  It’s amazing.

 

seniors

They only

Moving right along, Bus animation

No, that’s not Lethal’s famous bus…just a cute animation that I found in one of my folders.  I’ve got LOTS of them!

Today my wife said. “Honey, fix that gutter downspout!”
Well, as you all know, I’m retired, so I invited some of my buddies over.

One brought his welder.

Took us about 4 hours, and 30 beers, but we got the downspout fixed and my welder buddy gave it an artistic flair.

Wife is speechless…

I can’t wait for it to rain again.

4e

3c

4b

cheers3

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Leprechaun Laughs #237 for Wednesday March 19th 2014

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Top o the Morn ta ya folks! Oh! My bad- I see some of you still wincing at loud noises a few wearing dark glasses indoors and several of our more dedicated readers might well be mistaken and shot for Zombies were it not for the lack of interest by the cadaver dogs we keep for protection against such an incursion showing no interest in them. Fill’s me with pride it does ta see such dedicated partying went on in the name of beloved St Patrick as you folks call him, misguided about that as ya are.

Now some of ya might be sober enough by now to be thinking that todays banner is an indication that I’m not Happy with Impish’s St Patrick’s Day Issue. In fact nothing could be further from the truth.

True enough he conned me into helping him with half the issue, but ‘twas an expert con the likes o’ which I never suspected Impish capable of. That makes what I have to say next that much easier for me. See I told Impish that if her achieved a minimum of five 5 star ratings for his issue I’d not only stop looking for a new Sidekick to try out as his replacement, I’d give him a 5 year renewal on his contract as my sidekick.

Well the scores are in from the Judges of the 5 Irish Provence’s and Impish scored a solid 7.5 with the True Sons o’ Erin in the St Patrick’s Day Tribute By an Non-Irish Entrant as well as getting  not five but six 5 star ratings before today. As a result… (SIGH!)… I’ll still be suffering Impish as my sidekick for at least for 5 more years.

Now all that having been said there were a few areas that Impish alluded to but didn’t actually have time to touch on that I’ll be including this day to make up for it.

Oh…and that Fountain of Eternal Guinness he alluded to? Yeah, not so much. He made that one up as a wee bit o’ a joke. So if you bunch of cheap lushes would kindly stop ringin’ us up asking for is location I’d thank ya most kindly.

Now, grab yerself a mug o’ coffee and a scone, there’s Hair o’ the Dog, Baileys  and Whipped Cream if you feel the need for an Irish Coffee to help ya back to peak health and let get started shall we?

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A little boy gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. 
As he passes his parent’s bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. He 
watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to 
himself, “Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my thumb!”

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WWII widow’s journey for reconciliation

The wife of a Texas  World War II soldier waited for more than 68 years for solid proof that her husband is either dead or alive. Then she learned the stunning truth in Normandy, France.

 

Irish texas outlineSt. Patrick’s Day: Read Irish legends

Published On: Mar 14 2014 12:00:00 AM CDT

As Irish people around the world celebrate St. Patrick’s Day on March 17th, learn about the legends and history surrounding the holiday.

http://www.click2houston.com/lifestyle/24468444

Is Saint Patrick actually a saint?

It is true that St. Patrick was never canonized. The reason for that is St. Patrick lived in the 5th century and the process we now know as canonization did not exist until centuries later. Up until that time holy men and women were declared saints on the local level and the local Bishop would add them to the local liturgical calendar. By the time the formal canonization process we know today came about St. Patrick was already renown as a Saint so there was no need for the process. Since St. Patrick has a feast day (March 17) in today’s universal Church liturgical calendar you can rest easy that the Church truly considers him a saint.

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“I can’t believe how boring my life has become,” remarked Jennie. 
“What do you mean?” asked her friend. “The only time I hear myself 
say, ‘I’m coming!’ is when I’m trying to tell my cat I’m getting his 
food ready!”

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Yup, that’s my legendary Corned Beef Impish was speaking of.  Nope, no hints where I get it other than its more or less local (by which I mean Texas) and puts even Boar’s Head Corned Beef to shame..for about half the price too!

Chicken Alfredo Biscuit Casserole

Chicken Alfredo Biscuit Casserole

Your family will run to the dinner table when you make this delicious chicken Alfredo casserole topped with Parmesan-crusted biscuits.

Ingredients

1 tablespoon butter
2 cups sliced fresh mushrooms
1/2 cup chopped onion
1 jar (16 oz) Alfredo pasta sauce
1/4 cup milk
2 cups chopped cooked chicken
2 cups frozen broccoli florets, thawed
1/4 teaspoon dried basil leaves
1 can (7.5 oz) refrigerated buttermilk biscuits
1 tablespoon butter, melted
1 tablespoon grated Parmesan cheese

Directions

  • Heat oven to 375°F. Spray 8-inch square (2-quart) glass baking dish with cooking spray.
  • In 10-inch nonstick skillet, melt 1 tablespoon butter over medium heat. Cook mushrooms and onion in butter, stirring occasionally, about 5 minutes or until tender. Stir in Alfredo sauce, milk, chicken, broccoli and basil. Cook until mixture is thoroughly heated and bubbly, stirring constantly. Spoon into baking dish.
  • Separate dough into 10 biscuits. Cut each biscuit in half crosswise. Arrange around edge of baking dish, overlapping slightly. Drizzle biscuits with melted butter; sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.
  • Bake 15 to 20 minutes or until biscuits are golden brown.

*Percent Daily Values are based on a 2,000 calorie diet.

    Nutrition Information

    Calories 590 ( Calories from Fat 350), Total Fat 39g (Saturated Fat 22g, Trans Fat 1 1/2g ),  Cholesterol 150mg Sodium 850mg Total Carbohydrate 31g (Dietary Fiber 2g
    Sugars 6g ), Protein 28g ; % Daily Value*:  Vitamin A 30%;
    Vitamin C  15%; Calcium 25%; Iron 15%;
    Exchanges:

    2 Starch; 0 Fruit; 0 Other Carbohydrate; 0 Skim Milk; 0 Low-Fat Milk; 0 Milk; 1 Vegetable; 0 Very Lean Meat; 3 Lean Meat; 0 High-Fat Meat; 5 1/2 Fat;

     

     

    S’more Dip

    S'more Dip

    As quick as kids jump off the bus after school, this marshmallowy dip mixes together in the microwave. All the great taste of real S’mores but without the campfire!

    Ingredients

    1 1/2 cups semisweet chocolate chips
    1 can (14 oz) sweetened condensed milk (not evaporated)
    1/2 cup marshmallow creme
    1 box (13 oz) graham cracker honey sticks

    Directions

    • In small microwavable bowl, microwave chocolate chips and condensed milk on High 1 to 2 minutes, stirring occasionally, until chips are melted. Stir to mix well. Pour into 9-inch glass pie pan, spreading evenly.
    • Drop marshmallow creme by tablespoonfuls randomly over chocolate mixture. Microwave on High about 30 seconds or until marshmallow creme is softened. Immediately with knife, make several small swirls through marshmallow and chocolate, creating a marbled appearance.
    • Serve immediately with graham sticks for dipping.

    Mug Coffee Cake Recipe

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    If you’ve never made a mug cake, you don’t know what you’re missing!

    What could be better than a delicious, flavorful cake in a single-serve portion, that you can prepare and bake in minutes using the convenience of your microwave?

    This mug cake is tender and moist, and the sweet, sugary coffee cake crumble on top really makes this mug-cake special.

    Treat yourself to something special and try this delicious and easy mug-coffee-cake recipe.

    Ingredients:
    1 tablespoon butter, softened
    2 tablespoons white sugar
    ½ beaten egg
    2 tablespoons sour cream
    2 drops vanilla extract
    ¼ cup all-purpose flour
    ⅛ teaspoon baking powder
    2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
    1 tablespoon brown sugar
    1 teaspoon cinnamon
    1 tablespoon butter

    Directions:

    1. Stir 1 tablespoon softened butter and white sugar together in a coffee mug until fluffy; stir egg, sour cream, and vanilla extract into the butter mixture.  Add ¼ cup flour and baking powder into the mixture stir until smooth.

    2. Mix 2 tablespoons flour, brown sugar, and cinnamon together in a bowl.  Mash 1 tablespoon butter into the flour mixture with a fork or pastry cutter until mixture is crumbly; sprinkle over the cake batter in mug.

    3.Cook in a microwave oven on high for 1 minute.  Continue cooking in 10 second intervals until a toothpick inserted into the middle comes out clean.

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    Riddle Me This

    How Do You Brainwash A Liberal?

    [ Answer at the end of the issue and no cheat scrolling! ]

    image

    A young Irishman tells his mother he’s in love. Just for fun, he brings home three girls and asks his mother to guess which of the three he has chosen to be his bride. 

    After his mother interviews all three, she says, “Your fiancée is the one in the middle.” 

    “That’s amazing, ma. How did you know?” 

    “Because I don’t like her.” 

    image

    One fine day, Jim and Bill are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 7-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.

    The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in
    fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.

    Jim excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: “Hey Bill, come here; I’ve got some trouble down here.”

    Bill comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: “What’s the matter Jim? Everything OK?”

    Jim shouts back in a nervous voice: “Throw me my 8-iron! Apparently, you can’t get out of here with a 7.”

    photo 2

    St Patrick’s Day One-Liners Jokes

    Q: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?
    A: Because they’re always a little short.

    Q: Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?
    A: Because you don’t want to press your luck.

    Q: What’s Irish and stays out all night?
    A: Paddy O’furniture!

    Q: How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?
    A: Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.

    Q: What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day?
    A: BOOs

    Q: How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
    A: He’s Dublin over with laughter!

    Q: Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?
    A: Regular rocks are too heavy.

    Q: How does every Irish joke start?
    A: By looking over your shoulder.

    Q: What has eight arms and an IQ of 60?
    A: Four girlfriends drinking on St Patrick’s Day!

    Q: How did the Irish Jig get started?
    A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

    Q: Why did God invent Irish whiskey?
    A: So the Irish would never rule the world.

    Q: What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
    A: A bachelor.

    Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day?
    A: St. O’Claus!

    Q: What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?
    A: The Halfback of Notre Dame!

    Q: What is Irish diplomacy?
    A: It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip

    Q: Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with?
    A: Because they’re very short-tempered!

    “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” “Oh, really?” “No, O’Reilly!”

    Q: What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland?
    A: A sham rock

    tumblr_m0sbxw4krU1r63hf8o1_500

    Welcome to Down Cathedral, close to which we believe the mortal remains of Patrick, our Patron Saint, lie buried.

    http://www.downcathedral.org/index.cfm?do=page&id=17

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    Last week I tried to write about changes in Privacy Laws and developments/new revelations in the NSA Domestic Spying Fiasco. That Parting Shot mysteriously disappeared for no valid technical reason I can discern. Let’s see if it happens this week.

    You know the old Ian Fleming quote/adage- ‘Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action’.

    Let’s see if it happenstance or coincidence this week shall we?

    BY THE WAY BIG BROTHER- you have gotten me last week, but I’ve got a steep learning curve. A back up copy of this exists off my system & off line that you can’t get to.

    IN OTHER WORDS- Can’t touch dis suckers!

    All links (except for the ones starting ‘CLICK HERE’ are part of the original article highlighting and and coloring of text is mine done to call attention to particular important lines/points.

    Finally, believe it or not, I have truncated the following article removing most of the High Geek speak which would prove a counter agent to your coffee. To see the article in its entirety follow the link: https://firstlook.org/theintercept/article/2014/03/12/nsa-plans-infect-millions-computers-malware/

    How the NSA Plans to Infect ‘Millions’ of Computers with Malware

    [ ‘Plans to’ nothing! From the way I read this its already been done!]

    Top-secret documents reveal that the National Security Agency is dramatically expanding its ability to covertly hack into computers on a mass scale by using automated systems that reduce the level of human oversight in the process.

    The classified files – provided previously by NSA whistleblower Edward Snowden – contain new details about groundbreaking surveillance technology the agency has developed to infect potentially millions of computers worldwide with malware “implants.” The clandestine initiative enables the NSA to break into targeted computers and to siphon out data from foreign Internet and phone networks.

    The covert infrastructure that supports the hacking efforts operates from the agency’s headquarters in Fort Meade, Maryland, and from eavesdropping bases in the United Kingdom and Japan. GCHQ, the British intelligence agency, appears to have played an integral role in helping to develop the implants tactic.

    In some cases the NSA has masqueraded as a fake Facebook server, using the social media site as a launching pad to infect a target’s computer and exfiltrate files from a hard drive. In others, it has sent out spam emails laced with the malware, which can be tailored to covertly record audio from a computer’s microphone and take snapshots with its webcam. The hacking systems have also enabled the NSA to launch cyberattacks by corrupting and disrupting file downloads or denying access to websites.

    The implants being deployed were once reserved for a few hundred hard-to-reach targets, whose communications could not be monitored through traditional wiretaps. But the documents analyzed by The Intercept show how the NSA has aggressively accelerated its hacking initiatives in the past decade by computerizing some processes previously handled by humans. The automated system – codenamed TURBINE – is designed to “allow the current implant network to scale to large size (millions of implants) by creating a system that does automated control implants by groups instead of individually.”

    In a top-secret presentation, dated August 2009, the NSA describes a pre-programmed part of the covert infrastructure called the “Expert System,” which is designed to operate “like the brain.” The system manages the applications and functions of the implants and “decides” what tools they need to best extract data from infected machines.

    Mikko Hypponen, an expert in malware who serves as chief research officer at the Finnish security firm F-Secure, calls the revelations “disturbing.” The NSA’s surveillance techniques, he warns, could inadvertently be undermining the security of the Internet.

    “When they deploy malware on systems,” Hypponen says, “they potentially create new vulnerabilities in these systems, making them more vulnerable for attacks by third parties.”

    In the documents, the agency describes such techniques as “a more aggressive approach to SIGINT” and says that the TAO unit’s mission is to “aggressively scale” these operations.

    But the NSA recognized that managing a massive network of implants is too big a job for humans alone.

    “One of the greatest challenges for active SIGINT/attack is scale,” explains the top-secret presentation from 2009. “Human ‘drivers’ limit ability for large-scale exploitation (humans tend to operate within their own environment, not taking into account the bigger picture).”

    The agency’s solution was TURBINE. Developed as part of TAO unit, it is described in the leaked documents as an “intelligent command and control capability” that enables “industrial-scale exploitation.”

    image

    CLICK HERE FOR AN ENLARGED VERISON OF THE GRAPHIC

    TURBINE was designed to make deploying malware much easier for the NSA’s hackers by reducing their role in overseeing its functions. The system would “relieve the user from needing to know/care about the details,” the NSA’s Technology Directorate notes in one secret document from 2009. “For example, a user should be able to ask for ‘all details about application X’ and not need to know how and where the application keeps files, registry entries, user application data, etc.”

    In practice, this meant that TURBINE would automate crucial processes that previously had to be performed manually – including the configuration of the implants as well as surveillance collection, or “tasking,” of data from infected systems. But automating these processes was about much more than a simple technicality. The move represented a major tactical shift within the NSA that was expected to have a profound impact – allowing the agency to push forward into a new frontier of surveillance operations.

    The ramifications are starkly illustrated in one undated top-secret NSA document, which describes how the agency planned for TURBINE to “increase the current capability to deploy and manage hundreds of Computer Network Exploitation (CNE) and Computer Network Attack (CNA) implants to potentially millions of implants.” (CNE mines intelligence from computers and networks; CNA seeks to disrupt, damage or destroy them.)

    image

    CLICK HERE FOR AN ENLARGED VERSION OF THE GRAPHIC

    Eventually, the secret files indicate, the NSA’s plans for TURBINE came to fruition. The system has been operational in some capacity since at least July 2010, and its role has become increasingly central to NSA hacking operations.

    Earlier reports based on the Snowden files indicate that the NSA has already deployed between 85,000 and 100,000 of its implants against computers and networks across the world, with plans to keep on scaling up those numbers.

    The NSA has a diverse arsenal of malware tools, each highly sophisticated and customizable for different purposes.

    One implant, codenamed UNITEDRAKE, can be used with a variety of “plug-ins” that enable the agency to gain total control of an infected computer.

    An implant plug-in named CAPTIVATEDAUDIENCE, for example, is used to take over a targeted computer’s microphone and record conversations taking place near the device. Another, GUMFISH, can covertly take over a computer’s webcam and snap photographs. FOGGYBOTTOM records logs of Internet browsing histories and collects login details and passwords used to access websites and email accounts. GROK is used to log keystrokes. And SALVAGERABBIT exfiltrates data from removable flash drives that connect to an infected computer.

    The implants can enable the NSA to circumvent privacy-enhancing encryption tools that are used to browse the Internet anonymously or scramble the contents of emails as they are being sent across networks. That’s because the NSA’s malware gives the agency unfettered access to a target’s computer before the user protects their communications with encryption.

    It is unclear how many of the implants are being deployed on an annual basis or which variants of them are currently active in computer systems across the world.

    Previous reports have alleged that the NSA worked with Israel to develop the Stuxnet malware, which was used to sabotage Iranian nuclear facilities. The agency also reportedly worked with Israel to deploy malware called Flame to infiltrate computers and spy on communications in countries across the Middle East.

    According to the Snowden files, the technology has been used to seek out terror suspects as well as individuals regarded by the NSA as “extremist.” But the mandate of the NSA’s hackers is not limited to invading the systems of those who pose a threat to national security.

    In one secret post on an internal message board, an operative from the NSA’s Signals Intelligence Directorate describes using malware attacks against systems administrators who work at foreign phone and Internet service providers. By hacking an administrator’s computer, the agency can gain covert access to communications that are processed by his company. “Sys admins are a means to an end,” the NSA operative writes.

    The internal post – titled “I hunt sys admins” – makes clear that terrorists aren’t the only targets of such NSA attacks. Compromising a systems administrator, the operative notes, makes it easier to get to other targets of interest, including any “government official that happens to be using the network some admin takes care of.”

    Infiltrating cellphone networks, however, is not all that the malware can be used to accomplish. The NSA has specifically tailored some of its implants to infect large-scale network routers used by Internet service providers in foreign countries. By compromising routers – the devices that connect computer networks and transport data packets across the Internet – the agency can gain covert access to monitor Internet traffic, record the browsing sessions of users, and intercept communications.

    Two implants the NSA injects into network routers, HAMMERCHANT and HAMMERSTEIN, help the agency to intercept and perform “exploitation attacks” against data that is sent through a Virtual Private Network, a tool that uses encrypted “tunnels” to enhance the security and privacy of an Internet session.

    The implants also track phone calls sent across the network via Skype and other Voice Over IP software, revealing the username of the person making the call. If the audio of the VOIP conversation is sent over the Internet using unencrypted “Real-time Transport Protocol” packets, the implants can covertly record the audio data and then return it to the NSA for analysis.

    But not all of the NSA’s implants are used to gather intelligence, the secret files show. Sometimes, the agency’s aim is disruption rather than surveillance. QUANTUMSKY, a piece of NSA malware developed in 2004, is used to block targets from accessing certain websites. QUANTUMCOPPER, first tested in 2008, corrupts a target’s file downloads. These two “attack” techniques are revealed on a classified list that features nine NSA hacking tools, six of which are used for intelligence gathering. Just one is used for “defensive” purposes – to protect U.S. government networks against intrusions.

    Before it can extract data from an implant or use it to attack a system, the NSA must first install the malware on a targeted computer or network.

    According to one top-secret document from 2012, the agency can deploy malware by sending out spam emails that trick targets into clicking a malicious link. Once activated, a “back-door implant” infects their computers within eight seconds.

    There’s only one problem with this tactic, codenamed WILLOWVIXEN: According to the documents, the spam method has become less successful in recent years, as Internet users have become wary of unsolicited emails and less likely to click on anything that looks suspicious.

    Consequently, the NSA has turned to new and more advanced hacking techniques. These include performing so-called “man-in-the-middle” and “man-on-the-side” attacks, which covertly force a user’s internet browser to route to NSA computer servers that try to infect them with an implant.

    To perform a man-on-the-side attack, the NSA observes a target’s Internet traffic using its global network of covert “accesses” to data as it flows over fiber optic cables or satellites. When the target visits a website that the NSA is able to exploit, the agency’s surveillance sensors alert the TURBINE system, which then “shoots” data packets at the targeted computer’s IP address within a fraction of a second.

    In one man-on-the-side technique, codenamed QUANTUMHAND, the agency disguises itself as a fake Facebook server. When a target attempts to log in to the social media site, the NSA transmits malicious data packets that trick the target’s computer into thinking they are being sent from the real Facebook. By concealing its malware within what looks like an ordinary Facebook page, the NSA is able to hack into the targeted computer and covertly siphon out data from its hard drive.

    The documents show that QUANTUMHAND became operational in October 2010, after being successfully tested by the NSA against about a dozen targets.

    According to Matt Blaze, a surveillance and cryptography expert at the University of Pennsylvania, it appears that the QUANTUMHAND technique is aimed at targeting specific individuals. But he expresses concerns about how it has been covertly integrated within Internet networks as part of the NSA’s automated TURBINE system.

    “As soon as you put this capability in the backbone infrastructure, the software and security engineer in me says that’s terrifying,” Blaze says.

    “Forget about how the NSA is intending to use it. How do we know it is working correctly and only targeting who the NSA wants? And even if it does work correctly, which is itself a really dubious assumption, how is it controlled?”

    In an email statement to The Intercept, Facebook spokesman Jay Nancarrow said the company had “no evidence of this alleged activity.” He added that Facebook implemented HTTPS encryption for users last year, making browsing sessions less vulnerable to malware attacks.

    Nancarrow also pointed out that other services besides Facebook could have been compromised by the NSA. “If government agencies indeed have privileged access to network service providers,” he said, “any site running only [unencrypted] HTTP could conceivably have its traffic misdirected.”

    A man-in-the-middle attack is a similar but slightly more aggressive method that can be used by the NSA to deploy its malware. It refers to a hacking technique in which the agency covertly places itself between computers as they are communicating with each other.

    This allows the NSA not only to observe and redirect browsing sessions, but to modify the content of data packets that are passing between computers.

    The man-in-the-middle tactic can be used, for instance, to covertly change the content of a message as it is being sent between two people, without either knowing that any change has been made by a third party. The same technique is sometimes used by criminal hackers to defraud people.

    A top-secret NSA presentation from 2012 reveals that the agency developed a man-in-the-middle capability called SECONDDATE to “influence real-time communications between client and server” and to “quietly redirect web-browsers” to NSA malware servers called FOXACID. In October, details about the FOXACID system were reported by the Guardian, which revealed its links to attacks against users of the Internet anonymity service Tor.

    But SECONDDATE is tailored not only for “surgical” surveillance attacks on individual suspects. It can also be used to launch bulk malware attacks against computers.

    According to the 2012 presentation, the tactic has “mass exploitation potential for clients passing through network choke points.”

    image

    Blaze, the University of Pennsylvania surveillance expert, says the potential use of man-in-the-middle attacks on such a scale “seems very disturbing.” Such an approach would involve indiscriminately monitoring entire networks as opposed to targeting individual suspects.

    “The thing that raises a red flag for me is the reference to ‘network choke points,’” he says. “That’s the last place that we should be allowing intelligence agencies to compromise the infrastructure – because that is by definition a mass surveillance technique.”

    To deploy some of its malware implants, the NSA exploits security vulnerabilities in commonly used Internet browsers such as Mozilla Firefox and Internet Explorer.

    The agency’s hackers also exploit security weaknesses in network routers and in popular software plugins such as Flash and Java to deliver malicious code onto targeted machines.

    The implants can circumvent anti-virus programs, and the NSA has gone to extreme lengths to ensure that its clandestine technology is extremely difficult to detect. An implant named VALIDATOR, used by the NSA to upload and download data to and from an infected machine, can be set to self-destruct – deleting itself from an infected computer after a set time expires.

    In many cases, firewalls and other security measures do not appear to pose much of an obstacle to the NSA. Indeed, the agency’s hackers appear confident in their ability to circumvent any security mechanism that stands between them and compromising a computer or network. “If we can get the target to visit us in some sort of web browser, we can probably own them,” an agency hacker boasts in one secret document. “The only limitation is the ‘how.’”

    Covert Infrastructure

    The TURBINE implants system does not operate in isolation.

    It is linked to, and relies upon, a large network of clandestine surveillance “sensors” that the agency has installed at locations across the world.

    The NSA’s headquarters in Maryland are part of this network, as are eavesdropping bases used by the agency in Misawa, Japan and Menwith Hill, England.

    The sensors, codenamed TURMOIL, operate as a sort of high-tech surveillance dragnet, monitoring packets of data as they are sent across the Internet.

    When TURBINE implants exfiltrate data from infected computer systems, the TURMOIL sensors automatically identify the data and return it to the NSA for analysis. And when targets are communicating, the TURMOIL system can be used to send alerts or “tips” to TURBINE, enabling the initiation of a malware attack.

    The NSA identifies surveillance targets based on a series of data “selectors” as they flow across Internet cables. These selectors, according to internal documents, can include email addresses, IP addresses, or the unique “cookies” containing a username or other identifying information that are sent to a user’s computer by websites such as Google, Facebook, Hotmail, Yahoo, and Twitter.

    Other selectors the NSA uses can be gleaned from unique Google advertising cookies that track browsing habits, unique encryption key fingerprints that can be traced to a specific user, and computer IDs that are sent across the Internet when a Windows computer crashes or updates.

    What’s more, the TURBINE system operates with the knowledge and support of other governments, some of which have participated in the malware attacks.

    Classification markings on the Snowden documents indicate that NSA has shared many of its files on the use of implants with its counterparts in the so-called Five Eyes surveillance alliance – the United Kingdom, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia.

    GCHQ, the British agency, has taken on a particularly important role in helping to develop the malware tactics. The Menwith Hill satellite eavesdropping base that is part of the TURMOIL network, located in a rural part of Northern England, is operated by the NSA in close cooperation with GCHQ.

    Top-secret documents show that the British base – referred to by the NSA as “MHS” for Menwith Hill Station – is an integral component of the TURBINE malware infrastructure and has been used to experiment with implant “exploitation” attacks against users of Yahoo and Hotmail.

    In one document dated 2010, at least five variants of the QUANTUM hacking method were listed as being “operational” at Menwith Hill. The same document also reveals that GCHQ helped integrate three of the QUANTUM malware capabilities – and test two others – as part of a surveillance system it operates codenamed INSENSER.

    GCHQ cooperated with the hacking attacks despite having reservations about their legality. One of the Snowden files, previously disclosed by Swedish broadcaster SVT, revealed that as recently as April 2013, GCHQ was apparently reluctant to get involved in deploying the QUANTUM malware due to “legal/policy restrictions.” A representative from a unit of the British surveillance agency, meeting with an obscure telecommunications standards committee in 2010, separately voiced concerns that performing “active” hacking attacks for surveillance “may be illegal” under British law.

    Whatever the legalities of the United Kingdom and United States infiltrating computer networks, the Snowden files bring into sharp focus the broader implications. Under cover of secrecy and without public debate, there has been an unprecedented proliferation of aggressive surveillance techniques. One of the NSA’s primary concerns, in fact, appears to be that its clandestine tactics are now being adopted by foreign rivals, too.

    “Hacking routers has been good business for us and our 5-eyes partners for some time,” notes one NSA analyst in a top-secret document dated December 2012. “But it is becoming more apparent that other nation states are honing their skillz [sic] and joining the scene.”

    First of all, don’t you hate it when black suit and dark glasses wearing government geek enforcer drones try talking cool or hip? ‘Skillz’? Seriously? FO’SHIZZLE dat be like my Cracker White Irish azz getting all Snoop Dogg/Lion up in your grill dog! You dig?

    Fo_shizzle_by_eternal_darkness7

    Ahem! Where wuz I be at? OK,  I’m sorry, seriously now-

    After reading that article I defy any of my detractors who have found fault with my Cyber Security Alerts or  comments on Personal Privacy Infringement to tell me again I’m paranoid. It’s abundantly clear to me the virtual gene is out of the bottle and we can never hope to get him back in there. Once again the rate of our technological advances has far outstripped our advancement in morality, laws and our ability/commitment to protect ourselves from our own government. NO WONDER they want your guns when they are afraid of us finding out about crap like this!

    Riddle Answer

    How Do You Brainwash A Liberal?

    With an Enema!

     

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    Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

    Dragon Laffs #1376

    Header st patGood morning campers. 

    Yes, St. Patrick’s Day is in two days.  Those of you who may remember the last St. Patrick’s Day that fell close to my publishing date almost caused WWIII at Dragon Laffs & Leprechaun Laffs Electronic Media, LLP.  mushroom-cloud-5There was yelling and screaming; there was pulling of hair and rending of flesh; sissyfightthere was gnashing of teeth and biting of nails.  There was this look by Lethal Leprechaun:
    Untitled-05And this look by Impish Dragon:
    3There were these messages left by Lethal Leprechaun:
    Do-You-Feel-Lucky-St-Patricks-Day-Leprechaun-Funny-TShirt300And these reactions by Impish Dragon:
    3aIt … Wasn’t … Pretty!

    So this year, I have a plan.  I will do some research and try and find out the real story behind St. Patrick’s Day.  Not the drunken guzzling of green beer…

    MarToon 4Nor the fantastical powers of a 3 leaf clover…
    stpattys62(Okay, so that one ain’t so bad)
    Nor the supposed sighting of pink (or green) elephants, floating pots of gold or even dancing letters spelling out Happy St. Patrick’s Day
    Happy St P lettersOkay, that’s so just not right…
    Okay, so I searched and searched and found SO much disparate information, that I didn’t know what to do!  I was sunk, if I couldn’t work this out.  So…I swallowed my pride (not that I had much of that at this point) and went to see the master himself. 

    Now, at this point, I need to explain something.  I’m actually married to a beautiful dragoness who comes from a family of Shite Irish.  St. Patrick’s Day is THE holiday of the year for them.  Not for the drunken, debauchery aspects of it, actually the complete opposite.  They are more of the religious, Irish who think that St. Patrick’s Day is second only to Christ’s birth (Christmas) and possibly his death and resurrection (Easter).  As the husband of one of the female members of this household, I’ve managed to imply knowledge that I may or may not actually have.  So, you’d think that going to my in-laws would be an obvious choice, but in actuality, the threat of being disowned or possibly even strung up as an English sympathizer, never really entered the equation.

    Hence, going to the master.  The Lethal Leprechaun.  I’ve extracted the audio and from the office surveillance system and added some of my own comments and present it here to you.  Because if I didn’t show all this to you, you wouldn’t believe it any more than I did.  And I WAS THERE!

    The TRUE Story of The Origon of Legend of St Padrig- at least according to Lethal
     
    ID: So there I was outside Lethal’s office door on wobbly legs (stupid replacement knee joint) nervous as all get out. The deadline for my issue was looming and it was to be our St Patrick’s Day Issue. I had convinced Lethal to give me a shot at redeeming myself for my last attempt at what he considers one of the top 5 issues we put out every year. Since 3 of the 5 are Patriotic in nature you see what sort of pressure I was feeling. Problem was I was confused as all hell and needed help from an Irish expert desperately. Unfortunately the only one I knew who was anywhere near an authority on Irish (Ancient/Mythological) History was the guy whom I hired originally as my sidekick and somehow (through some bad wagers, shady deals and an insurance scam or two) wound up my boss. I had been hoping to do a bang up job on this and get myself some sort of reprieve from the possibility of being replaced as his sidekick.
     
    I knock on the door jamb, “Lethal? Have you got a minute?”
     
    He looked up from a giant ledger perched atop the clutter of paperwork piled high about his desk, a half eaten corned beef sandwich in one hand and a fountain pen his his other. He scowled, looked at his clock then scowled even more.
    LL: “I’m very busy doing my job and most of yours too, shouldn’t you be hard at work on your issue? It is one of your top 5 issues need I remind you! I haven’t seen a text from the printers that they have your final copy or even from the editors about a first draft.”
     
    ID: “That’s what I was hoping to talk to you about”
     
    LL: “No you cannot have an extension and if you’re thinking of asking me to either do it for you, post Saint Padrig’s Day or jump in now and take your Saturday you’d best be thinking about how you’re going to grab your belongings and get out of here before I sic the Wild Hunt on your soon to be sorry tail!”
     
    ID: He began reaching for a binder behind his desk labels ‘Vetted Possible Replacements’. “No! No! It’s nothing like that at all, its just I…well frankly I’m a bit confused. There is so much contradictory information out there about St Patrick and even that on which most of the sources do agree is apparently 75% scholarly conjecture pulled from a million tiny hints 3rd or 4th hand. How do I know what’s truth, what’s legend and what’s outright fancy as you’d call it? And who in the Abyss of Irish History is this Saint Padrig guy you are talking about?” I blurted out hoping to stop his reaching hand.
     
    Lethal turned back, silently regarding me while his jaws worked mightily at another large bite of that Corned Beef sandwich. I couldn’t help it; I started drooling. I don’t know where he get’s it but Lethal’s Corned Beef is nothing short of…well magical. Lethal swallowed, lifted his mug of Brown Gold and took a healthy swallow.
    LL: Padrig is Patrick in Gaelic, it’s the name that he’s known by in the Church of Ireland and on many a marker. They’re all over Ireland not unlike ‘George Washington Slept Here’ markers here in America. So what you’re saying is you’d like my guidance in learning what the TRUE origin of the Legend of St Padrig/Patrick is?”
     
    ID: “Yes, yes I would. I would very much.
    I thought to myself that I really needed to do the best that I could, just to get our company back on an even keel again.  This whole “looking for a new sidekick” thing had to stop and if this was my best way to do it, then so be it.
     
    Lethal regarded me thoughtfully while chewing. One more bite and he’d be reaching for the other half of his sandwich. My stomach rumbled loudly, I tried to look ashamed of it and embarrassed. More coffee was swallowed. HE glanced back at his ledger and sighed.
    LL: “OK I’ll tell you the TRUE origin of St Padrig’s Legend, You won’t believe it or me, but I’ll tell it to you, or rather I’ll relate it to you in the same manner it was too me by my Great Grandda when he was alive. Mind the rugs with your claws their new and priceless originals, hand the that guitar from the corner, cop a squat on the hearth and yes you can have the other half of me sammie, NO you CANNOT have any Brown Gold”
     
    My tongue shot out so fast the bifurcated ends snapped like twin whip tips and that sandwich was a memory; One I pleasantly went over several times in my head as Lethal tuned the guitar and began playing a remarkably familiar tune.
     
    ID: “Hang on Lethal, I might be confused about what’s true and not with regard to St Patrick or Padrig or what ever we’re calling him but I’ve heard your Irish music CD’s enough to recognize that tune. That’s ‘The Unicorn Song’ you’re playing. What do Unicorn’s have to do with St Patrick?!”
     
    LL: “Not a bloody thing.”
     
    ID: “Then why…”
     
    LL: “Haven’t ya noticed that there are a lot o’ Irish tunes whose melodies sound remarkably similar but with greatly dissimilar lyrics? That because music writing is bloody hard, especially for people who can’t read or write in their own language let alone the 3bmusical one, while creating lyrics to fit some already existing piece of music is a lot simpler. It happens occasionally in older American Folk Music too, it just happens a whole lot more in Irish music. Now, do you want to hear what I’ve got to tell you or should I bash you over the head El Kabong like and get back to me ledger work?”
     
    ID: “My bad I didn’t know that either. Please continue” He did continue. Like me, as he predicted, you’ll never believe what he swears is the TRUE origin of the Legend Saint Padrig/Patrick.
     
     
    A long time ago when all o’ Erin was still magical and green
    She had more mythical creatures than you’ve ever seen.
    They ran around free like while quaffing from huge flagons
    Well all but those under the rule of the mean old Dragons
     
    There are green eyed Sylphs and long-necked Nixies
    Some bark wearing Brownies and fairie circles full o’ Pixies
    Some Banshees and Changlings riding Golden Hind fawns
    But the finest of all are the Leprechauns
     
    Now Padrig seen the Dragons and it made his suffering worse
    And He says, “Stand back, I’m going to make the Dragons go bother the Norse”
    He says, “Hey Leprechuans, I’ll tell you what you can do-
    Fund me a religious conversion and I’ll get rid o’ the Dragons for you!
     
    The Leprechauns stepped up to answer Padrig’s call
    They finished up gathering the gold just as the Rome started to fall
    The marched the pots two by two
    And they called out as they came through
    Hey Padrig,
     
    There are green eyed Sylphs and long-necked Nixies
    Some bark wearing Brownies and fairie circles full o’ Pixies
    Some Banshees and Changlings riding Golden Hind fawns
    But remember your work was funded by the Leprechauns!
     
    And Padrig looked out through the soft fallin’ rain
    Them Dragons were flying, threatening all with their flame
    he was stealin their egg while that rain was falling
    Oh, them silly flyin’ snakes with horns
     
    The long boat of eggs started moving, it drifted with the tide
    The Dragons looked up from their rocky crags and they cried
    And then divine lighting came down and sort of burnt them away
    That’s why you hardly ever a Dragon to this very day
     
    There are green eyed Sylphs and long-necked Nixies
    Some bark wearing Brownies and fairie circles full o’ Pixies
    Some Banshees and Changlings riding Golden Hind fawns
    But the finest of all are the Leprechauns.
     
    Now you might think this is the ending to the song,
    But I’ll have to tell you boy-o that in fact you’re wrong
    You see, Dragons are magical, so when the lighting started fallin,
    A few o’ the smarter ones took dimensionally their arses ta haulin’.

    And there you have it!  The true story of St. Patrick.  I’m still up in the air as to whether or not he discovered the Eternal Fountain of Guinness or not, but I’ll leave that up to another essayist. One very important thing to note is that St. Patrick’s Day is the longest running wake of all time!  Because March 17th celebrates St. Patrick’s death (which occurred in 461) this means that his wake has been going on for 1,553 years!  Now isn’t that an amazing fact!

    So, without further ado, let’s be done with the St. Patrick’s Day issue, leaving the thoughts of Saints and Dragons for another time.  If you are all good and ask nicely, I’ll tell you the story of where the arse hauling dragons went dimensionally off to!

    coollogo_com-253612466One of the best ways I’ve seen to gather your mates up for a pint on St. Patrick’s Day:

    A very funny (and mean) way to wake someone.  You need two items.  #1 a laser pointer and #2 a dog.  Check out this video:

    I have a laser pointer and I  have a dog, plus, I have a mischievous little dragon who would be the perfect target for this type of prank.  I’ll try to get my own version of this by publishing time.

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    A new Olympic sport?  Something to do when work is closed due to snow?  How about just full-goose-bozo stupid?  Yeah, that would be the one!

    850

    Dragon Pix2

    DragonPapa1 (248)

    You’ve got to be kidding me!!!!

    851

    What is the Resurrection?

    While the priest was presenting a children’s sermon, h
    e asked the children if they knew what the Resurrection was.

    Now, asking questions during children’s sermons is crucial,but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous.

    In response to the question, a little boy raised his hand.

    The priest called on him and the boy said, “I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor.”

    It took ten minutes for the congregation to settle down enough for the service to continue

    852

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    3

    And everyone thinks that I’M the womanizer!!

    This is one amazing two player golf shot.  Yes, I said two person golf shot.  Just watch:

    motivat

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    st-patricks-blessing-life-time-irish-celebration-holy-beer-m-demotivational-poster-1237395552

    st-patricks-day-demotivational-poster-04

    st-patricks-day-demotivational-poster-07

    st-patricks-day-demotivational-poster-24

    That, my dear campers is my dearest wish…except it’s much older than 95 and the jealous husband is no younger than mid 20’s and no older than early 30’s.

     

    A man walked into a Washington, D.C., Catholic Church confessional.  He tells the priest, “Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.  Last night, I killed a congressman.”
    The priest responds, “My son, I’m here to forgive your sins, not to
    discuss your community service work”

     

    MarToon 2

    And with that, dear fellow campers and walkers through life, we will put to bed another issue of your favorite ezine of all time.  Have a wonderful weekend and a safe and happy St. Patrick’s Day.

    Cheers!

    Impish Dragon

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