As you can see by all the people working on stage furiously at lap tops, accounting ledgers and the pyramid of used coffee cups  it’s once again Lethal’s busy time of year for his other job. He’s removed his yellow tinted glasses and is rubbing his tired eyes as he spots you arriving. As he heads for the podium he swaps them for his usual ones.

“Top o’ the Morn’ ta ya all! Actually that something you never hear us say in Ireland but hey what to you guys know about it?

SO…moving right along- I’ve noticed something interesting that is going to require further experimentation on my part. Last week you might remember my remarking on the prophetic timeliness of my winter scene banner. I put up a winter banner and Impish gets a significant winter event as his weather guessers called it which is weather speak for a little bit of everything.

Well yesterday after I had already made this banner with the lightly dusted pine no sooner had I set it in place in the issue then Impish mentions to me he’s expecting 4 inches of snow for Wednesday!

So this got me wondering.  Could I some how be influencing his weather? Were my opening banner accurately forecasting his Wednesday weather? If so, what should I do about it? What should I do with this interesting development? Can I turn a buck from it?

As soon as I get a grip on todays crop of panicked clients I’m going to sneak off for a wee research on the subject (read that find a picture for next week from Snowmageddon or Snowpocalypse to use for an opening banner)

Mean time…

 

 

Things we have to have..we don’t care if they make sense

Adult Sippy Cup –
Do you spend your hangover days in bed sipping on Pedialyte, OJ, or coffee? You should think about investing in this adult sippy cup from Hundred Million. It’s a two-handled, spill proof sippy cup that holds a liter of liquid. If you’re feeling fragile, and typically a mess when hungover, then this is perfect for you.

 

I know Molly has put an order in for one of those wine glasses!

Oh somebody is gonna get it for sure now!

 

May da farce be witchu Yogurt!!

Impish recently mentioned to me how much of a help the dragonette has been as he does DIY projects about his new house. After seeing this, I now understand what he meant.

Common mistakes to avoid when making bacon, the world’s most perfect food

Bacon is amazing. You know that. We know that. But just because it’s already the world’s most perfect food doesn’t mean it’s invincible. There are some people out there committing truly heinous crimes against bacon. Don’t be one of them. Avoid these common mistakes.

1. Using the Wrong Pan
“Save the nonstick pan for your scrambled eggs,” says Brad Leone,BA’s test kitchen manager. The high fat quantity of bacon makes whatever pan you use essentially nonstick. Aluminum pans are very thin and get ripping hot very quickly, making burnt bacon way too often. The test kitchen staff likes well-seasoned cast-iron for cooking bacon. Not only does it conduct heat evenly (meaning no burnt spots), the bacon grease helps season the pan for future use. It’s a win-win. That said! If you don’t have cast-iron, just be sure to set the flame to low-medium low, and move the pan around periodically to account for “hot spots.”
2. Starting with a Hot Pan
Add bacon to a hot pan, says senior associate food editor Claire Saffitz, and it will immediately seize up, sealing in all of that congealed, unrendered fat. Instead, lay the bacon flat in a cold pan and place it over a burner set to medium or medium-low. As the bacon heats up along with the pan, the fat will slowly liquefy, making for bacon that’s perfectly crisp.

3. Undercooking It
Okay, we’ll admit: In the battle of the bacon, we tend to err on the side of “verging on overdone.” But we’d choose crispy, deeply-browned bacon over floppy, soggy strips any day. The most common culprit of undercooking? Starting the pan too hot and fast (see: tip no. 2). It makes for a burnt exterior before the fat and rest of the meat has time to cook thoroughly.
4. Not Straining the Grease
We don’t have to tell you to save your rendered fat. (Wait—do we?) But you might be skipping an important step: Leone strains the liquid fat through a fine mesh sieve before jarring it and storing it in the fridge (it will congeal, but re-melts when heated). The strainer catches any burnt or crispy bits that can add a bitter flavor to roasted vegetables or cookies (yes, we said cookies). Discard those bits.

5. Not Accounting for the Saltiness
If you’re cooking with bacon, say, in a meatloaf or baked beans, remember this important fact: Bacon is inherently salty! Although that doesn’t mean you should skip the kosher salt and Maldon completely, keep in mind that you’re starting with an aggressively seasoned element. Taste as you go, and adjust accordingly—you may wind up using a lot less than you’d think.
6. Microwaving It
Just…no. Please don’t. If you don’t have enough room on the stove top, listen to Leone: Cook the bacon in a moderately hot oven (around 400˚). Just drape it on a rack set over a sheet pan to catch the grease. It may take a little longer, but you won’t get that weird, rubbery texture that only a microwave can impart.

Shredded Buffalo Chicken Sandwiches with Blue Cheese Aioli

 

Total Time: 6 hr 15 min
Prep: 15 min
Inactive Prep: 0
Cook: 6 hr
Level: Easy
Yield: 6 servings

 

 

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup hot sauce (or your favorite wing sauce or a 50/50 mix)
• 1/4 cup Worcestershire sauce
• 2 tablespoons molasses
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 yellow onion, diced
• One 14-ounce can tomato sauce

• 2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken breasts
• Salt and freshly ground pepper
• 6 hamburger buns, split and toasted
• Celery leaves, for serving
• Blue Cheese Aioli, for serving, recipe follows

Directions

Add the hot sauce, Worcestershire, molasses, garlic, onions and tomato sauce to a slow cooker and stir to mix the ingredients together.

Sprinkle the chicken breasts liberally with salt and pepper and add to the slow cooker, coating evenly with the sauce. Cover and cook on low until the chicken is tender, 4 to 6 hours.

Transfer the cooked chicken to a large bowl and shred using 2 forks. Return the shredded chicken to the slow cooker and toss to coat with the sauce.

Place 4 to 6 celery leaves on each bottom bun and pile 1/2 cup of the shredded chicken on top. Smear the top bun with Blue Cheese Aioli and place on top of the chicken

BLUE CHEESE AIOLI:

• 1/2 cup crumbled blue cheese
• 1/3 cup mayonnaise

• 1 teaspoon fresh thyme leaves
• 1 clove garlic, minced

Directions

Combine the blue cheese, mayonnaise, thyme and garlic together in a small bowl and stir well.

Tips:

1.) Despite what the recipe calls for I use 50/50 boneless skinless chicken breasts and boneless skinless chicken thighs. Dark meat is cheaper, moister and much more flavorful. You get a much better taste out of the dish for having done so and a little extra in your pocket besides. Also this allows you the choice to make a double batch without breaking the bank.

2.) Toast the buns lightly it gives that crispness the dish will miss by the wings not being fried, plus it helps soak up any stray liquids. Don’t cheap out on the rolls, they are a large part of this dish. I like potato rolls for this because they are dense toast well and will soak up a lot of juice. Also consider going non traditional and using hot dog buns if you’re using this for a party. You  can easily double the number served. If they are going to sit on a buffet table I line my hotdog buns with a leaf of Romaine lettuce before filling so the buns don’t get soggy

3.) If you can make the Blue Cheese Aioli as soon as you stick the chicken in the slow cooker and put it in the fridge so that all the flavors will have a chance to meld.

4.) If you don’t have a bunch of celery with enough leaves for this do what I do, just thinly slice a stalk on the bias and use it in place of the celery leaves on the sandwich. Thin cucumber slices while not traditional also work well in place of the celery.

5.) The chicken mixture also goes well along side or over Mac & Cheese if you have leftovers.

Hey- How much worse could it possibly be?

Diary of a ‘muggle IT’ guy working at Hogwarts

Billy Joel & Guests – Piano Man (Gershwin Prize – November 19, 2014)

Billy Joel performs “Piano Man” with Kevin Spacey, Boyz II Men, Natalie Maines, Josh Groban, Gavin DeGraw, Tony Bennett, LeAnn Rimes and Michael Feinstein during the ceremony where he was honored with the Library of Congress Gershwin Prize for Popular Song on November 19, 2014 at DAR Constitution Hall in Washington, D.C.

Good Morning Campers,

It’s cold.  It’s really cold.  Winter is not over with yet.  Mother Nature is pissed off at me and refuses to warm things up.  You see the header’s picture above.  Here’s a few more:

This is work…on Thursday.  Most of that is actually ice and not snow.  Or sleet.  So, we got like 3 inches of sleet, which would translate into like 75 inches of snow.

I know.  It’s crazy, right?  But, do you know what really makes me understand how cold it is?  This:

Yes, you guessed correctly.  That is a full body sweater over one of the neighborhood dragons.  I asked him if I could take his picture and he told me that he would only if I could take it inside out of the cold.

It’s bad. 

I’m going over to light a fire and try to get warm, you guys go ahead and press on with the issue.  I’ll catch up with you later.

Let’s start today off with a great video.  I’ve seen this guy before and he is VERY good.

If you stay on the same page after you watch this video, there will be some more from this fantastic magician.

 

 

Okay, here’s another video.  With this one, I’m sure someone should have said, “Hey, maybe we’re too old for this!”

And another video.  Ten things you didn’t know about the orgasm.

My Dreams coming true!

Me?
Crazy?
I ought to climb down off this unicorn and slap your face off!

This is a picture of my crazy Uncle Ernie.  He’s been dead for about 200 years or so, but he refuses to give up.  You’ve got to admire his spunk, if not his brains (of which he has none, since they all rotted away many years ago).

This next one is actually quite interesting.  If I had to guess, before looking at the list, what it would have cost me in 1985, to have all the things that I have from my cell phone today, I probably would have said a couple of hundred-thousand dollars.  I was blown away when I saw this list.  Thanks to makeuseof.com for bringing us another great infographic:

$32,136,910!!! That’s millions! Unbelievable!

 

Morgan Freeman GPS.  Great commercial:

And that, my fellow campers, is all many of us want!

“Okay, I’m going to drop the puck right there.  As soon as it hits the ground you can begin.”

And at Lethal and Impish’s age, we need double or triple servings.

Oh my God, I would’ve never thought of something so deliciously evil, but I will definitely remember it for next time.

I’ve had that same problem, several times.  I’m not sure what the cure is, though.

This is my dog watching as I finish eating…

It’s the honest truth.  I show her my hands and she walks away looking disgusted like I just took the last bite of food out of her mouth.

My family is temperamental…
Half: Temper
Half: Mental

 

No shit!  Homeless children, 200,000+ homeless vets, homeless whole families… and we’re seriously talking about taking care of foreign refugees and illegals! Seriously?!

Do I really need to comment on this picture?  Our motto for peace should be: America Wins.  Anyone who goes against us dies.

If there is anyone out there who still hasn’t figured out that our President is a racist, a Muslim, and a terrorist Islamic sympathizer then I have some ocean front property with a bridge for you!  You’ll love it!

Well, by that definition, I am too. 

Okay, I’ve had enough of this.  It’s making me physically ill.  Some of it has been funny, but not funny enough.  So, let’s move on to something more funny.

Okay, this next one has to be my favorite story of all time.  This is wonderful.  What a great example of human ingenuity.  I’m really sure this has pissed off a lot of people, but for my money…this guy is a friggin’ genius!

 

I think they are letting the wine bottles age too long.  Every bottle I’ve ever opened I’ve had to give mouth-to-mouth to.

Well, this issue needs to be posted in less than an hour…yes, that means that it’s after one a.m. on Saturday morning, so to wrap it up and bring it to a close, here’s this week’s motivational posters and a few more cartoons. 

A still somewhat rough looking Lethal greets you in the conference room. While he’s not exactly as bundled up as the last few times you’ve talked to him he is sporting a mock turtle neck and a fleece pullover in addition to a tweed slouch cap.

You notice he’s being made up and that there are two camera men present in the room apparently ready to film his opening monologue.

As soon as you are seated  someone jumps on stage, claps a marker board in front of Lethal and yells “Rolling!”

“Welcome friends! Thanks for slogging your way here” he begins. “Since many of you r fellow readers won’t be able to make the trip due to the weather, I thought we’d broadcast the opening to them.

Apparently what gave me  roughly an inch of rain, tornado watches and high window warnings from Monday night thru Tuesday along with some blustery temps is giving many of you North and East of me from 1 to 3 inches of snow with up to 8 to 12 inches in Impish’s neck of the woods. Little did I realize when I made my opening banner nearly a week ago how prophetic it would turn out to be.

So for all those snowed in/under, enjoy the issue at your leisure  while the winds howl and the snow piles up outside. Hopefully you took part in the ritual emptying of the store shelves prior to the storms arrival and got everything you needed to stay warm and comfy until its over.

For those of you that made it here. We’ve a full issue and a very full Kraft table so fall to it and getter done.”

I swear I’m going to have a cup made similar to this but in a nice Kelly Green with gold lettering and in a proper size so its not empty in two sips.

15 oz.? Yeah that’s the ticket! $15? Okay… a wee on the pricey side but doable.  What?! I’ve got to buy a minimum of 72? Sigh! Back to the crayon board!

Oh it didn’t go awry, trust me! As for Impish saying he got the same blessing, well what does he expect after he diss’d a leprechaun?

Also the most complicated one.

WHISKAS TV Ad – Snow Leopard

 

Proofreading must be a Dying Art these days!

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one I caught in the Chronicle the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!!  They put in a correction the next day.    
——————————————————————————–
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 
       Now that’s taking things a bit far!
  ———————————————————–
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over 
       What a guy!  
————————————————————— 
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing’ lazy so-and-so’s!
—————————————————— 
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
  ———————————————————-
War Dims Hope for Peace 
I can see where it might have that effect!
—————————————————————-
If Strike Isn’t Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
   Ya think?!
———————————————————————– 
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 
      Who would have thought!
—————————————————————-
Enfield Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide  
They may be on to something!
————————————————————————
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 
      You mean there’s something stronger than duct tape?
  ———————————————————-
Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge 
     He probably IS the battery charge!
———————————————- 
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 
Weren’t they fat enough?!
———————————————–  
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 
That’s what he gets for eating those beans!
—————- ——————————— 
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 
       Do they taste like chicken?
****************************************
   Local  High School Dropouts Cut in Half 
       Chainsaw Massacre all over again!
***************************************************
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 
       Boy, are they tall!
******************************************* 
And the winner is…. 
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead 
     Did I read that right?

How to Make a Cheesy Bacon, Sausage and Tater Tot Breakfast Bake

Do you like bacon? (Who in their right mind would say no to this question?) Do you like sausage? Do you like tater tots? If you answered yes to all these questions, you are in for a treat. Literally. This ultimate breakfast meal is filled with sausage, bacon, eggs, cheese and tater tots. It has all you could ever want for breakfast piled into one pan.

 

 

 

Prep Time: 20 minutes
Cook Time: 35 minutes
Total Time: 55 minutes

Servings: 6

 

 

 

Ingredients:
5 slices bacon
1 package breakfast sausage (turkey or pork)
2 cups shredded sharp cheddar cheese
2 cups whole milk
3 eggs
½ teaspoon ground pepper
½ teaspoon onion powder
⅛ teaspoon salt
2 lbs. frozen tater tots
3 tablespoon chopped parsley

Directions:
1. First off, preheat the oven to 350°F. Cook already dethawed breakfast sausage in a skillet over medium heat for around 7 minutes. Once they are mostly cooked, cut them up into smaller pieces and cook for a couple minutes longer. Then, line the bottom of an already greased 9 x 13 inch baking pan with these little cooked sausages. Sprinkle two cups of cheese on top.

2. In a medium sized bowl, mix together milk, eggs, salt, pepper and onion powder.

[I used a blender and since the eggs we had were only mediums I used 5]

3. Pour the milk mixture directly on top of the sausage and cheese in the baking pan.

4. Now it is time for the tots. Layer the tots on top of the sausage, cheese and egg mixture.

5. Stick the pan full of tots in the oven to cook for around 35 minutes.

6. While the tots are cooking, fry your slices of bacon until crispy. Let cool.

7. Once cooled, crumple up the bacon to form bite sized bacon bits.

[Or just do what I did and use real bacon bits in the refrigerated pouches. It’s easier and a lot leaner]

8. After 35 minutes have passed, take the pan out and top with extra cheese, crumpled up bacon bits and chopped up parsley for garnish. Stick back in the oven for five more minutes and then enjoy!

Old Cemeteries- Some fascinating things on old tombstones!

A truly Happy Person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. And, one who can enjoy browsing old cemeteries …

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany , New York :
Born 1903–Died 1942.
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
car was on the way down. It was.

=============================
In a Thurmont, Maryland , cemetery:
Here lies an Atheist, all dressed up
and no place to go.

=============================
On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in
East Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
Only the good die young.

=============================
In a London , England cemetery:
Here lies Ann Mann, who lived an old maid
but died an old Mann. Dec. 8, 1767

=============================
In a Ribbesford, England , cemetery:
Anna Wallace
The children of Israel wanted bread,
And the Lord sent them manna.
Clark Wallace wanted a wife,
And the Devil sent him Anna.

===============================
In a Ruidoso, New Mexico , cemetery:
Here lies Johnny Yeast.
Pardon him for not rising.

===============================
In a Uniontown, Pennsylvania , cemetery:
Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake,
Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.

==============================
In a Silver City , Nevada , cemetery:
Here lays The Kid,
We planted him raw.
He was quick on the trigger,
But slow on the draw.

================================
A lawyer’s epitaph in England :
Sir John Strange.
Here lies an honest lawyer,
and that is Strange.

=================================
John Penny’s epitaph in the Wimborne,
England , cemetery:
Reader, if cash thou art in want of any,
Dig 6 feet deep and thou wilt find a Penny.

==================================
In a cemetery in Hartscombe , England :
On the 22nd of June, Jonathan Fiddle went out of tune.

==================================
Anna Hopewell’s grave in Enosburg Falls ,
Vermont :
Here lies the body of our Anna,
Done to death by a banana.
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low,
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

==================================
On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket ,
Massachusetts :
Under the sod and under the trees,
Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
He is not here, there’s only the pod,
Pease shelled out and went to God.

THIS ONE IS EXTREMELY WELL WRITTEN:-

In a cemetery in England :
Remember man, as you walk by,
As you are now, so once was I.
As I am now, so shall you be,
Remember this and follow me.

To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:

To follow you I’ll not consent,
Until I know which way you went.

It’s that most wonderful time of the year again!

No I’m not talking about kids jingle belling or people telling you to be of good cheer. It’s mostly Andy Williams that gets his rocks off on being annoyed like that once a year.

No I’m talking about  a favorite season of Impish, myself and of course Cookie Monster….

Yuppers. From Feb 13th until March 20th ‘tis the season to stock up on possibly the best biscuits there be.

Ever wonder what your choice in Girls Scout Cookie s says about you? Let’s find out shall we?

What does your favorite Girl Scout cookie say about you?

I know, I know. It’s hard to just pick one. But dig down deep and figure out which cookie is your true soul food mate and learn what it means about your personality. This is important.

[My second favorite as they go well with a nice cup of Earl Gray]

[My personal favorite]

[These get Impish’s and Molly’s Vote]

[ Or possess a sweet tooth the size of the Rock of Gibraltar! ]

Hey! You said you those were hives on your butt Impish!

 

The Atlantic reported last year that if you lined up all the used Keurig pods sold in 2014, they would encircle the globe nearly a dozen times.

 

Good Morning Campers!

Today’s issue is huge!  Super-sized!  Extra-Large!

It’s got a lot of stuff in it, too.

Anyway, since I’m working again this weekend, all weekend I don’t really have a lot to put in this beginning part, so let’s just get right to it.

 

 

The nothing box, by Mark Gungor.

Mark does a seminar on humorous marriage counseling of which the Nothing Box was a small segment.  If you wish to watch the whole 2 hour session, you can watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=814eR5K7KD8 I didn’t post it here because it is too big.  But it is well worth the watch.  Funny and informative at the same time.

This is a quiz.  Hidden song lyrics.  Can you see it?

So, we go to another video, that doesn’t show as happy a situation as the Nothing Box.  This one is very sad.  The Carrier Air Conditioner Company tells their 1400 employees that they are moving their company to Monterrey, Mexico.  And their collective reaction is all caught on video.

Moving from Indianapolis to Mexico.  What a bunch of horse crap.

Ain’t that the truth!

Now, the most common lies…how many of them have you used?

I got 9 out of 11.  I know, but what can I say.  Dragons are liars.  Ask Lethal, he’ll tell you.  “Is your issue ready to send to press?” I’m on my way downstairs with it right now.  “Where the hell have you been?  I’ve been texting you all day!  Your issue is late!  I’m paying the dwarves by the hour and now they are just standing around waiting on you!” I didn’t get your text.

See what I mean?

I’m really not sure if this is a picture of mine or Lethal’s.  It’s so hard to tell, since they are both so much alike.

I like little kids, I really do.  So nice, tender.  They make GREAT sandwiches.

 

Amen!  If you must talk on the phone while driving at the very least use a hands free device.  Mine is truly hands free because I do have to take calls while I’m driving.  As long as the phone is plugged into the charger, I can say, “Hey Siri, call Lethal Leprechaun” and it will do everything for me.  My eyes NEVER have to leave the road.  But even at that, it is possible to become distracted while driving, because talking on the phone takes away a lot of your attention that you NEED for driving.  So, I only take the calls that I absolutely have to take because I’m on call 24/7.

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse is this: You cannot post ‘Thou Shalt Not Steal’
‘Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery’ and
‘Thou Shall Not Lie’
in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians, it creates a hostile work environment.

Ever wonder “How it’s made”?  Here’s your chance to get lost in YouTube.  Start with how Tabasco Sauce is made and you can spend hours watching the next one and the next one and the….well, you get the picture.

Lethal Leprechaun gave me the same blessing!!!

 

Ever wonder what’s down on our 8th floor?  Don’t!  Don’t wonder at all.

 

Birthdays can be very frustrating for us dragons.  This is just the least of it.  Eat on birthday guest one time and no one ever lets you forget.  How was I to know she was a guest and not a present?

 

 

The Los Angeles Rams held a season ticket sale online from team headquarters at the Forum on Thursday. They got ten thousand orders in ten minutes but then the team website malfunctioned and crashed. As a result, half the Rams fans have season tickets and the other half have ObamaCare.

People don’t think about how the cold effects the monsters, but it does.  It really does.

 

This one is from Grumpy.  (I’m getting that out there so that when the hate mail starts, I know where to forward it to.)
Do you realize that if Bernie Sanders wins, it will be the first time that a Jewish family moved into public housing that was left vacant by a black family?

 

This is pretty funny and pretty accurate.  I’ve either lived there, known someone who’s lived there or have a family member that lives there so I can attest to the accuracy of these:
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You’ve experienced condensation on your ass from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
5. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OR
You can retire to California where…
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.
5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long  it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
6. The 4 seasons are:  Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR
You can retire to New York City where…
1. You say “the city” and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.
2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can’t find Wisconsin on a map.
3. You think Central Park is “nature.”
4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
5. You’ve worn out a car horn. (IF you have a car).
6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.
OR
You can retire to Michigan where…
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
6. The highest level of criticism is “He is different, she is different, or It was different!”
OR
You can retire to The Deep South where…
1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.
2. “Y’all” is singular and “all y’all” is plural.
3. “He needed killin” is a valid defense.
4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Joe Bob, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.
5. Everywhere is: “in yonder,” either “over yonder” or “out yonder”.
OR
You can retire to Colorado where…
1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.
2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home, so he stops at the day care center.
3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.
4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a ponytail.
OR
You can retire to Nebraska where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at.”
OR
FINALLY You can retire to Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist,  proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

This was posted the day before yesterday and it’s already getting huge play.  This police Captain is no stranger to posting videos or to using this format to get his message out.  Today’s message is directed to a particular group of punks.  I like it and I’m sure many of you will too.

 

I know this to be true, because I’ve seen my dad actually do this.

And that my friends, is the end for today, I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, until we meet again next week, I want you to remember one thing:

As you enter the conference room you see a section of the seating in t back has been screened off and is several CyberLethals in attendance armed with riot shields. Mean time a staff member armed with a clip board seems to be greeting an occasional Burka wearing individual at the door checking a ticket they have against the clipboard and directing them to the screened off area. Strangely while in fundamentalist Islamic countries the burka is worn by women judging by the foot wear and the style of luggage many are carrying you are of the belief these are men. This ongoing  action is evoking a great deal of unease among those gathered.  So much so that several shout out indignant questions when Lethal appears at the podium still looking some what worn and haggard from his recent prolonged illness.

“AS YOU WERE! QUIET IN THE RANKS!

That’s better! No we are not hosting any fundamentalist Islamic. Those are loyal readers, mostly men, but also 2 women, who reached out to Impish and I for protection, help and accommodations after royally screwing up for Valentine’s Day. For their won safety and so as to protect our methods and security arrangements they are traveling incognito using the easiest safest and simplest method we could devise on short notice.

As soon as the issue is over with they will be moved to a secure location for temporary accommodations, remedial proper Valentine’s Day comportment education and relationship mediation. Additionally I understand several will be receiving medical treatment as well. This will last until such time as their significant other indicates a willingness to take them back peaceably or until an amicable separation/divorce agreement can be hammered out (post assets hiding in a country with stiff banking privacy laws) by the staff of Dewy, Cheatem and Howe on their behalf.

Meanwhile we have a great issue for you with several comfort food recipes, another momentous (this time non blog related) announcement and loads of rollicking good fun. Shall we? Excuse me? No actually and notable Impish is not in Dutch with Mrs. Dragon over Valentine’s Day that I am aware of and his lack of presence should not be construed as his hiding. He’s actually out making pick ups of several of our more urgent and dangerous requests for extraction from domestic hot water at present. Some how several people got the idea that the whole Ghostbusters end of the world prediction might have been spot on. I gather this had something to do with the death of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia’s death at a West Texas ranch Saturday and the possibility of Obama appointing a Liberal Muslim Supreme Court Justice.

Now if there is nothing further? Good. Enjoy the issue.”

 

Enough with the drummed up holidays! Let’s get to the important ones!

It’s true: A new Harry Potter book is on the way !

With news of a new Harry Potter story coming to the stage in London, many fans from across the world were left disappointed as they wouldn’t be able to see Harry’s next chapter unfold.

Thankfully, all doubt of ever catching the live show in London was put to rest as everyone will be able to find out what happens in the official eighth Harry Potter story. The script is being published in print and as an eBook.

Both the print and eBook versions will be published in tandem on July 31, 2016, following the play’s world premiere on July 30th.

“Pottermore is proud to be a key part of the multi-platform effort that will allow the epic eighth Harry Potter story to be read and enjoyed by a wider, global audience,” Pottermore’s CEO, Susan L. Jurevics, was quoted in a press release. “With the script eBook of Harry Potter and the Cursed Child helping to lead the way, 2016 will be one of our most exciting years yet.”

Here’s the full synopsis for the story:

Harry Potter Cast: Where Are They Now?

 

If they did a modern portrait of Mona Lisa it would probably looks something like this:

Yeah laugh now Impish, what is it? About two years before Izzy starts driving and you start getting these calls?

So two weeks ago Impish was showing off his mechanical dragon construct. Well here is mine now, a mechanical Jaffa Warrior replete with armor and staff weapon. Oh! Almost forgot his pal the Alien from Predator movies:

Memory-a spoof by Pam Peterson

Award-winning cabaret singer Pam Peterson sings a funny parody about the challenges of an aging memory.

 

Now go back and read only the left face of the pillar. Then those of you with Liberal Arts Majors or Degrees repeat after me , “You want fries with that?”

No worries mate I’m pretty sure Impish, Ginny and I will still be here after the Rapture as well.

So I’m mostly better now but whenever I’m seriously sick I barely eat. Occasionally Molly actually has to force me to eat which knowing my love of food I think scares the poor woman more than anything else, her philosophy being if he’s getting up to eat he can’t be too sick.

Consequently when I come off being sick enough that my appetite returns, I start looking for stick to the ribs comfort foods, ones that don’t take a whole lot of time and effort because I usually don’t have that kind of stamina as yet.

Usually that means soups or pasta. This time around it meant gnocchi.

Cheesy Gnocchi Casserole with Ham and Peas

Ingredients

1 tablespoon unsalted butter
1 onion, chopped
One 8-ounce piece deli ham, diced
1/2 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme
1/2 cup low-sodium chicken broth
One 17.5-ounce package potato gnocchi
1 cup frozen peas, thawed
1/4 cup heavy cream
Kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
1 cup shredded Swiss or Gruyere cheese

Directions

Preheat the broiler to high heat.
Melt the butter in a large ovenproof skillet over medium heat. Add the onions and cook until softened, about 3 minutes. Add the ham and thyme and continue to cook until the ham is lightly browned.
Add the chicken broth and 3/4 cup water and bring to a simmer. Add the gnocchi, stir well, cover and cook until the gnocchi is slightly tender, about 5 minutes. Remove from the heat. Uncover and stir in the peas, cream, 1/4 teaspoon salt and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Sprinkle the cheese over the top and broil until golden and bubbly, about 3 minutes. Serve.

If you don’t have the heavy Cream I’ve gotten by with 1/2 a can of cream of mushroom soup mixed with a heaping teaspoon of flour before introducing it to the pan. I also like adding mushrooms and garlic to this while the onions sauté.

Smithfield makes diced ham in a cryovac pouch now that’s 8 oz. and saves the whole chopping the ham step. Since I buy frozen diced onions as well this really speeds things along.

 

Italian Eggplant Gnocchi Bake

Ingredients

12 ounces frozen or fresh plain gnocchi
1 1/2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
1 medium white onion, diced
Kosher salt
2 small Italian eggplant (about 1 pound), diced
1 1/4 cups store-bought roasted garlic marinara sauce
1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes
1 1/2 ounces shredded provolone
Sprigs fresh basil or oregano, for garnish, optional

Directions

Preheat the oven to 475 degrees F. Bring a large pot of water to a boil.
Add the gnocchi to the boiling water and cook according to the package directions; drain, reserving 1/2 cup of the cooking liquid.
Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Add the onions and 1/8 teaspoon salt and cook, stirring occasionally, until soft, about 5 minutes. Add the eggplant and cook, stirring occasionally, until the eggplant is very soft and the onions are golden brown, 10 to 12 minutes. Remove from the heat.
Add the gnocchi, reserved cooking liquid, marinara sauce and red pepper flakes to the skillet with the eggplant mixture and stir to combine.
Transfer the eggplant-gnocchi mixture to a 9-inch oval or square baking dish. Sprinkle with the provolone. Bake on the top oven rack until hot and bubbling and the cheese turns golden, about 15 minutes. Remove from the oven and let sit for 5 minutes.
Garnish with the fresh basil sprigs if using and serve.

Two simple tips for best results when using eggplant:

1.) Peel the eggplant. The skin is somewhat tough to eat even when cooked.

2.) Try to buy and use only male eggplants. Male eggplants have fewer and smaller seeds. Not only are seeds bitter, the more seeds the more liquid you’ll have coming out of them. How do you tell a male eggplant from a female? Glad you asked! Its really simple and takes all of about a second to do:

See the one on the left? See how the bellybutton looks like a slit? While the one on the right has a definite round-shaped mark? Okay, the one on the left is the girl, the other one is a boy. Simple, right?

If you want to turn this from a side dish or a meatless main dish into a complete casserole, just do what I do. I par boil some Italian sausage links the the gnocchi water before the gnocchi go in. You won’t hurt the gnocchi and any grease will be on the surface so it pours off right away when draining the gnocchi. Speaking of draining the gnocchi the water you reserve should be from the bottom of the pan the potato starch is heavy and goes to the bottom of the pan buy using this cloudy looking water you’ll actually help thicken and tighten up the sauce.

Back to the Italian sausage, I then brown them while the onions cook right in the same pan. Once they are brown I remove them and let them cook enough to handle easily.

Once you have the eggplant in the pan I use that 10 to 12 minute window to cut the sausages in half the long way and then into slices. I then add it back in when the gnocchi and sauce go into the pan or if I’m tight on pan room, I’ll put half the mixture into the baking pan, layer the sausage and then the rest of the mixture. You might want to use a slightly larger pan if adding in the sausages.

You can probably serve 6 with the addition of the sausages to this plus a side salad and some crusty bread. Need to serve 8? Add some sliced mushrooms and a chopped green pepper while cooking the onions.

Houston man accused of having sex with woman on Las Vegas Ferris wheel

LAS VEGAS – A Houston man and a New York woman are facing felony charges after authorities say they were recorded having sex in public during a 30-minute ride in a glass-enclosed cabin on a Ferris wheel 550 feet above the Las Vegas Strip.

A Las Vegas judge on Tuesday set a March 9 date to see if the charges against Phillip Frank Panzica III and Chloe Scordianos can be resolved without trial.

The two were arrested Feb. 5 after riding alone together in one cabin on the High Roller.

Police say surveillance cameras captured the act, security warned the couple to stop, and people in another car shot cellphone video.

Images haven’t been made public.

Panzica’s attorney, Bennair Bateman, declined comment.

Scordianos’ lawyer, Chris Rasmussen, says his client believed the couple had an expectation of privacy.

Which is to say nothing of their expectation that what happens in Vegas would stay in Vegas!

Snowball (TM) – Another One Bites The Dust