It’s Sunday afternoon. Had a good church service. Jumped in the car and went to town to drop off all the stuff that Izzy and I gathered to Goodwill, came home and did all the normal Sunday chores, gathered and took out the trash since our trash day is Monday and set up my weekly medicine. Had a bite to eat and now it’s 4 pm and I’m starting Thursday’s issue.

It is an absolutely gorgeous day out and I really feel like going for a ride, but something is holding me back and I don’t know what. 

And rather than sitting here agonizing over it … like I have been for the last fifteen minutes, I’m going to press on with DL and see where I end up, so Let’s GO! 

When Ruth’s grandson Jordan was 5, he always told everyone he wanted to be a doctor when he grew up. One day he was running through the house and into the corner of a chair and hurt his eye. He cried for a while and kept saying, “Oh no, oh no, now I can’t be a doctor when I grow up.”

Ruth assured him he could still be a doctor and Jordan kept telling her he couldn’t. Finally, she asked, “Why can’t you be a doctor?”

Holding one hand over his eye, Jordan said, “Because now I will have to be a pirate!”

FAMOUS ATHEISTS’ LAST WORDS BEFORE DEATH

An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.
 
“I’ve come to meet my brother,” said the Irishman. “He’s due to fly in from America in an hour’s time. It’s his first trip home in forty years”.
 
“Will you be able to recognize him?” asked the American.
 
“I’m sure I won’t,” said the Irishman, “after all, he’s been away for a long time”.
 
“I wonder if he’ll recognize you?” said the American.
 
“Of course he will,” said the Irishman. “Sure, an’ I haven’t been away at all”.

Yeah, and? That’s about what I had this morning. I remember a pancake being there, also.

At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax.

One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained.

When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, “So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?”

“Well, I suppose,” she replied, “I’m still cooking it.”

The two old coots were both only a year short of retirement from the assembly line, but one Monday morning that didn’t keep Joe from boasting to Manny about his sexual endurance. 

“Three times,” gasped Manny admiringly. “How’d you do it?” 

“It was easy.” Joe looked down modestly. “I made love to my wife, and then I rolled over and took a ten- minute nap. 

When I woke up again, I made love to her again and took another ten-minute nap. And then I put it to her again. Can you believe it! I woke up this morning feeling like a bull, I’ll tell you.” 

“I gotta try it,” said Manny. So that night he made love to his wife, took a ten-minute nap, made love to her again, took another nap, woke up and made love to her a third time, then rolled over and fell sound asleep. 

He woke up feeling like a million bucks, pulled on his clothes, and ran to the factory, where he found his boss waiting outside for him. 

“What’s up, Boss?” he asked. “I’ve been working for you for twenty years and never been late once. You aren’t going to hold these twenty minutes against me now, are you?” 

“What twenty minutes?” growled the boss. “Where the hell were you on Tuesday and Wednesday? 

Golfer: “You’ve got to be the worst caddy in the world!”
Caddy: “I don’t think so, sir, that would be too much of a coincidence!”

The definition of a “gimme” in golf can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers…
Neither of whom can putt very well.

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Philosophy is wondering if a Bloody Mary counts as a smoothie.

A whole bunch of pictures caught right at the RIGHT moment!

Every Sunday afternoon a mother found a candy bar wrapper in her young son’s room. She finally had to ask, “Johnny why do I find a candy bar wrapper in your room every Sunday after church?”

He answered by saying that God gave him the money and he used it to buy a candy bar.

The mother quickly replied, “God gave it to you? How did this happen?”

“Well mom, you give me a dollar to give to God. So before church every Sunday , I throw it up into the air. I figure if God wants it he’ll take it. If not, it will fall back down to me.”

“Can I buy a live shark here?”
“Lady, what do you want with a live shark?”
“A neighbor’s cat has been eating my goldfish, and I want to teach him a lesson.”

And that’s it my friends. I hope you enjoyed. May God Bless you and keep you until we meet again.

Yup, it’s one of those days.

For me, Saturday.

For you, Monday.

Gotta love time traveling.

Started the day with Men’s Breakfast at the church. Great message. Great conversation afterward, went longer than it normally does. Then I took Izzy to breakfast, brunch for her late birthday celebration. We had a nice time. Then we immediately came home and I put her to work.

We deep cleaned the bathroom. DEEP cleaned the bathroom. Then swept and mopped the kitchen and dining room floors and vacuumed the rest of the house.

Then we moved into my room where we got into all the old shelves and stuff where a lot of stuff had been stored since before Mary’s passing. There is a HUGE box to go to Goodwill, a big bag of trash, a lot more room in my room, a a few tears expelled on both of our parts.

After the wonderful ride in the country I had yesterday, there was NO ride today because it’s raining and thundering out. Now, I’m brave, but I’m not THAT brave. So, I’m caught up on my homework…more or less, so it’s time to spend the next couple of hours with you guys, so without further ado…

YES!!! I’ve been saying that forever!!!

This would be a good place to break for a mail call… Let’s start with Night Guy:

Recently you asked about the price of eggs, this week they were $2.41/dozen at the local Aldi store. Down nearly $2 a dozen. Also that “Idiots in service” thing reminded me when I had ATT DSL and no phone. The wire broke, outside in the wind, I went next door to use the phone, the guy said he’d send a guy out but the service guy would have to call me first. No phone? Didn’t matter, the service man would have to call or not come. I couldn’t get him to understand I didn’t have a phone. My neighbor finally said he’d take the call for me, but he wasn’t going to be home, so the ATT guy took his number, the service guy called him, neighbor told him to get to my house and hurry because I was, uh, upset. He came, fixed the line and it worked until I left ATT. But the call guy couldn’t understand that with no phone I couldn’t be called.

I think it’s the whole engineer mentality. Even when their not full-fledged engineers, it’s like it’s still there. “What do you mean it works fine? Then it doesn’t have enough options!”

Leah has an interesting take on the new bike:

I am immensely happy for you!

Now maybe your son will let you ride with him!

Or maybe a woman is going to make moves on you.

Yup, that there can change your life around, get your numbers lined up.

Ummm … hmm, let me ride with him. I’m going to MAKE him ride with me. No, I’m kidding. Actually, the whole idea of the trike originally was for a way to spend more time with him and my grandson who has decided to ride…or maybe not now … we’re not really sure at this point. And the woman making moves on me … let’s not go there Leah. Going to dinner or a movie, maybe, riding on the back of a motorcycle that is relearning a new experience for me. I really don’t think so.

We’ll do some more of these in a bit. It’s been a while since I’ve gone through the mail with you guys. I normally respond to the comments, in the comments section, but I don’t know if you guys ever get notified, see my replies or what all.  

One more mail item from my favorite nurse

name the bike Crocket….get it???? Crotch rocket….and like Davey always on an adventure or new discovery….

I do kinda like Crocket…and the play on words…but shouldn’t it be a female name? Aren’t all pieces of machinery female? And no, it doesn’t have anything to do with “riding” it. There were lots of jokes about machinery being female because of breaking down and being uncooperative, but seriously, for guys anyway, I think they name their cars and bikes and such women’s names so that they don’t feel bad babying them and spending time taking care of them. I wonder ….

Ladies – do you name your cars and motorcycles and such guys names? 

Why do I have the feeling that the response I’m going to get is, “No, we don’t name them ANYTHING because we’re not infantile like guys are!” Just guessing here. Anyway, back to Crocket … hmm … how about Cricket? Just spitballing here…

Cindy
Cricket
What else people?

A man is in court. The Judges says,”on the 3rd August you are accused of killing your wife by beating her to death with a hammer, how do you plead?”
 
“Guilty”, said the man in the dock.
 
At this point a man at the back of the court stood up and shouted “You dirty rat!” The Judge asked the man to site down and to refrain from making any noise.
 
The Judge continued “….. and that also on the 17th September you are accused of killing your son by beating him to death with a hammer, how do you plead”?
 
“Guilty”, said the man in the dock.
 
Again the same man at the back stood up and shouted even louder, “You dirty rotten stinking rat”!!
 
At this point the Judge called the man to the bench and said, “I have already asked you to be quiet, if you continue with these outbursts, I will have to charge you with contempt of court. I can understand your feelings, but what relationship have you to this man?”
 
He replied “He is my next door neighbour”.
 
The Judge replied, “I can understand your feelings then, but you must refrain from any comments”.
 
The man replied “NO, your Honor, you don’t understand. Twice I have asked if I could borrow a hammer, and BOTH TIMES he said he didn’t have one”!!!

The man was boasting about his sister, who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army.

“But wait a minute,” a listener interrupted. “She will have to dress with the boys and shower with the boys, won’t she?”

“Sure,” the man admitted.

“Well, won’t they find out?”

The man shrugged elaborately, “Who’ll tell?”

I know, right. We stood in formation at the flag pole the other day for the 911 ceremony and the commander asked how many people weren’t even alive when it happened and a couple of younger airman actually raised their hands. I was astounded.

The Washington Post recently had a contest wherein participants were asked to tell the younger generation how much harder they had it “in the old days.” Winners, runners-up, and honorable mentions are listed below.

Second Runner-Up:

In my day, we couldn’t afford shoes, so we went barefoot. In winter, we had to wrap our feet with barbed wire for traction.

First Runner-Up:

In my day, we didn’t have MTV or in-line skates, or any of that stuff. No, it was 45s and regular old metal-wheeled roller skates, and the 45s always skipped, so to get them to play right you’d weigh the needle down with something like quarters, which we never had because our allowances were way too small, so we’d use our skate keys instead and end up forgetting they were taped to the record player arm so that we couldn’t adjust our skates, which didn’t really matter because those crummy metal wheels would kill you if you hit a pebble anyway, and in those days roads had real pebbles on them, not like today.

And the winner:

In my day, we didn’t have rocks. We had to go down to the creek and wash our clothes by beating them with our heads.

Honorable Mentions:

In my day, we didn’t have fancy health-food restaurants. Every day we ate lots of easily recognizable animal parts, along with potatoes.

In my day, we didn’t have hand-held calculators. We had to do addition on our fingers. To subtract, we had to have some fingers amputated.

In my day, we didn’t get that disembodied, slightly ticked-off voice saying ‘Doors closing.’ We got on the train, the doors closed, and if your hand was sticking out, it scraped along the tunnel all the way to the next station and it was a bloody stump at the end. But the base fare was only a dollar.

In my day, we didn’t have water. We had to smash together our own hydrogen and oxygen atoms.

Kids today think the world revolves around them. In my day, the sun revolved around the world, and the world was perched on the back of a giant tortoise.

Back in my day, ’60 Minutes’ wasn’t just a bunch of gray-haired, liberal 80-year-old guys. It was a bunch of gray-haired, liberal 60-year-old guys.

In my day, we didn’t have virtual reality. If a one-eyed razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an ax, you just had to hope you could outrun him.

Back in my day, they hadn’t invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight.

Too true! I never understood why you park in a driveway and drive on a parkway.

I was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, I had to stretch, but still couldn’t grab the box.
 
Fortunately, I have two six-foot-tall sons whom I often call to come to my rescue.
 
“Hey, Brian!” I yelled to my second son, who was in the living room. “Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?”
 
“Sure, Mom,” he remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. “But next time, I’d prefer the title ‘Your Highness’ when you need me.”

Absolutely, positively, one hundred percent TRUTH!

A man went to his doctor and said, “Help me, doctor. I think my eyesight is getting worse.”

The doctor asked the man to look out the window. “Tell me what you see,” he said, pointing.

“I see the sun,” the man replied.

The doctor turned to him and asked, “Just how much farther do you want to see?”

Yeah ……….. I may have passed mine.

Jack: How’s it going?
Beans: Pretty good.
Jack and the Beans talk.

As I’ve said a thousand times now…

If drinking alcohol can cause short term memory…
Just think what drinking alcohol can do!

Okay, I saw the above picture, immediately took the below picture from my own living room. Make of it what you will.

Immutable Laws       (Which Cannot Be Avoided)
 
1,  When one wishes to unlock a door but has only has one hand free, the keys are in the opposite  pocket.
( Von Fumbles Law)
 
2.  A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside.
(Yale Law Of Destiny)
 
3.  When ones hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch.
( Law Of Ichiban)
 
4.  Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened.
(Insurance So Sorry Law)
 
5.  When things seem to be going well, you’ve probably forgotten to do something.
(Cheny’s Second Corollary)
 
6.  When things seem easy to do, it’s because you haven’t followed all the instructions.
 (Destiny Awaits Law )
 
 7. If you keep your cool when everyone else is losing his, it’s probably because you have not  realized the seriousness of the problem
(Law Of Gravitas)
 
 8. Most problems are not created nor solved, they only change appearances.
  (Einstein’s Law Of Persistence)
 
 9.  You will run to answer the telephone just as the party hangs up on you.
(Principle Of Dingaling)
 
 10. Whenever one wants to connect with the internet, the call you’ve been waiting for all day will arrive.
(Principle of BT)
 
 11. If there are only two programs on tv that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time.
(Law Of Wasteland)
 
 12. The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it is exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of pi.
(Law Of Pi Eyed)
 
 13. The probability that one will spill food on one’s clothes is directly proportional to the need to be clean.
(Law Of Campbell Scoop)
 
14. Each and every body submerged in a bathtub will cause the phone to ring.
   (Law Of Oh my Gad)
 
 15. Each and  every body sitting on a commode will cause the doorbell to ring.
(Law Of O golly Gee!)
 
16. Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one’s hairdo.
( The Donking Principle)
 
17. After discarding something not used for years, you will need it one week later.
(Law Of Fatal Irreversibility)
 
18. Arriving early for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone else has arrived before you.
(Law Of De Lay)
 
 19. Do not take life too seriously, because in the end, you won’t come out alive anyway.”
(Theory Of Absolute Certainty)

That’s it my friends. I hope you had as much fun with this as I did. May your Monday be filled with nothing but love and May our Father in Heaven bless you with Strength and Comfort throughout the rest of your week until we meet again.

This was sent to me by Vincent, a reader, and it brought me great comfort. It needs no words. Thank you Vincent.

I do want to say one thing and then we’ll move on to other things and I want to say it publicly because it’s my ezine and I can…

This is not addressed to any of our readers out there I don’t believe, but it is a public forum.

To anyone out there who is cheering the death of Charlie Kirk, who is happy he was assassinated, who think it was a good thing, you are a terribly horrible person and there is a very special place reserved in hell for you right now. Please, get yourself right with God … soon. His Royal Son will return at any time to take up His faithful and you REALLY don’t want to be among those left here to face the terrible times that will follow. God will forgive you. You still have a chance.

Now, I know I promised you pictures of my new toy. And hopefully, before I put this issue to bed tonight there will be pictures … but right now … 

Leave it to Aussie Pete to send us more of theme

Lisa: “My son is a waiter.”
Rose: “Oh, he works in the food industry?”
Lisa: “No, he always keeps us waiting.”

A mom was playing “tooth fairy” and putting money under her little daughter’s pillow when the child awoke and caught her in the act.  The mom froze, wondering how to explain to her tot that she was, in fact, the tooth fairy. But she was spared the trouble.  “You put that money back!” her daughter said indignantly. “The tooth fairy left that for me!”

Another thing I need!

OUTSTANDING! 

Not a bad price, he’ll probably get it.

The last one was stolen from Izzy Dragon.

“The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children.”
– Dietrich Bonhoeffer

“We’re killing our children in our schools, what does that say about us?”
– Izzy Dragon

“Izzy, we’re killing our children before they ever leave their mother’s wombs.”
– Impish Dragon

(Actual conversation)

See, the first part of that is the easy part.

Did you hear the one about the statistician?
Probably.

Comments:

Please dial 9-1-1 if you see any coyote with a paint brush and a bucket of paint near the base of a cliff…

I saw one the other day protecting himself with an umbrella just before a huge boulder fell on him. I didn’t call 911

No way! I saw one running on thin air for a couple seconds. –Then he disappeared.

Saw one smooshed flat against a painting of a tunnel. Phoned Animal Control. Figured the police probably had their hands full trying to catch that recklessly speeding road runner anyway.

He may also be holding a fork and have a napkin tied around his neck.

So now a coyote can’t tool around a pair of rocket powered roller skates without getting hassled by the cops?

Commuting to work the other day spotted Coyote climbing into a cannon wearing a crash helmet. Flew by me like I was standing still! Almost hit the guy wheely-ing down the interstate on his road bike. Crazy!

Coyote painting a road and tunnel mural on a mountain side.

They are bad up here in the northeast man! 6 anvils on my way to work the other day!

Meep meep!!!!!!

I already told y’all that my anvil got stolen and there was the picture of a tunnel painted on the side of my house! What’s it gonna take to get you to take this seriously? A piano crashing through my roof??????

I truly love that meme!

Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth.  St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived and asked what her one wish would be. 

“Well, I just wish my son would get married and be happy.”

“Look lady, it’s just one wish; make up your mind!”

A cop pulls over a lady for speeding and gives her a ticket saying, “That’s $150 and two points.” 

“Two points? What do I do with the points?” she asks. 

“Well,” says the cop, “when you get twelve, you get a bike!”

Seems like a workable system…

My doctor recently asked if I had any depression. 

I Replied: No, but I cause a lot of it!

And the punch line is: “And I’m disappointed!”

What works faster than a calculator?
A calcu-sooner!

Yeah, I know, it’s old and it’s not even that good, but …. but … yeah, I got nuttin’

I was drinking a margarita when a guy stood up and asked, “Does anyone here know CPR?”
Someone else stood up and said, “Yeah, I know the whole alphabet.”
We all laughed and laughed and laughed… well, except this one guy.

All during the creation of this issue I was getting messages about the fact that they caught the shooter of Charlie Kirk, not only on the news, but from my many friends (did I mention that I took the day off today? I meant to get so much done today… did I? Not really) Finally, about 75% of the way through, I closed my laptop, went outside, climbed on the bike and went for a ride. But, I took a couple of quick pictures first.

Please pardon the really ugly fence in the background. I live in a jungle.

The Whelpling says I need to name her and that her name will come to me. She’ll name herself. His Harley is Charlette. I know what he means. My old Equinox that Izzy has is Betsy. The Escape hasn’t been named yet, but I feel a desire to name the bike. She’s all black and I feel close to Cindy … I know the first thing you thought of was the little blonde girl from Brady Bunch, right? No. Cindy because of cinders, from the ashes of a fire…but I’m not crazy about that either.

Maybe I ought to have a contest on Dragon Laffs… or maybe just wait until it feels right.

Anyway, that’s the new toy, and I am truly glad I bought her. But, as you can see, she needs luggage. I told Izzy that’s what I wanted for Christmas.  She said how much. I said, well with the bracket and the engine protectors that I want to go with it … um … $500.

She laughed at me.

Hard.

Meh! I’ll get by.

Folks, if you have any influence on your angry friends, ask them to settle down. God will use all of this for His plans.  He always does. So, until we meet again.

And I would love to sit and talk motorcycles with you guys this morning, but I have something on my mind. I actually wrote something earlier, while I was at work, so let me cut and paste and put it in here:

I must get something off my chest that I heard on the radio the other day.

Imagine that you are a veteran that served your country honorably, you lost your legs during a training incident and now you are fighting to get a wheelchair lift installed in your home. Then you receive a letter saying that we will NOT supply you with a lift, but if you are so desperate, madam, we can offer you a medical assisted suicide device. From the Canadian Veterans Affairs.

Now, does she look like she’s ready to end it all?

I’ve never been so disappointed in ANY Veteran’s Affairs organization in my entire life.

And that’s saying a lot.

Now they’re saying that they’ve done this to several other Vets and it’s all been one single Rep who was doing it and they’ve since been fired … if so, good on them and let’s not ever see this happen again.

But did you know that 1 in 20, 5% of deaths in Canada are due to suicide because it is legal for the state to help you, for doctors to prescribe what you need, for them to send you a MAID kit. That stands for Medical Assistance In Dying.

And did you know that there are 12 states here that offer the same thing!!! California, Colorado, Delaware, Washington D.C., Hawaii, Maine, Montana, New Jersey, New Mexico, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington. And another 17 considering it!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I understand that there are times where, at the end of someone’s life, they are suffering so horribly that it might be a mercy to help them along a path that is inevitable. But advocating for suicide because you are depressed, unhappy, or in the case of Canada it seems, a financial burden on the state?!?!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH US!!!

As human beings we should be utterly ashamed of ourselves.

Go to the simplest of verses that I’m absolutely sure everybody knows. John 3:16: “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life.” God gave up His own Son for us! And we’re just going to encourage people to throw that away because they are costing us too much money? 

I have some familiarity with this topic, so I’m not just screaming in the wind here.

Very familiar.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and I mean that with ALL my heart. “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?

Okay.

I have gotten way off topic from where I started…led by the Spirit I guess and maybe someone out there needed to hear it, maybe I needed to get it off my chest, maybe I just needed to remember and cry.

I don’t know.

I’m going to take a break and come back and we’ll carry on with the show.

Okay, that wasn’t such a bad break, now was it? So….

This lady sure is popular all of a sudden. Not saying that she has a reason or which side you may fall on in this controversy, but the little guy who lost the ball ended up with a pretty good deal in the end.  Here’s a few more.

And Aussie Pete sent me another one of these…

And I got this as a suggested add on for the new bike … no thanks.

This is the coin I carry in my pocket all the time. That is the entire 23 Psalm on the back, King James version (because I DO happen to like a little Shakespeare with my scripture). I always carry an extra one with me at all times also, in case I ever have need to give one away to someone in need.

A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950’s returned to his old university for a visit. 

He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day.
 
When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, “That’s true, but, of course, the answers are completely different now.”

That is CRAZY!

Then after the red slippers, click on the twister! You’re welcome again!

Man, I need a box full of those things!

I told you guys that the doc has got me counting carbs, right? I was at a little get-together on Saturday for some dear friends anniversary and someone had some Kroger oatmeal raisin cookies, second only to my dear Mary’s oatmeal raisin cookies. The very best cookie in the world! Anyway, I thought to myself, I said, “Self, one cookie is not going to blow your carb limit all to wack.”  You can look it up later. Because you know you can google ANY-THING! I looked it up later. One…ONE…I’m telling you ONE Kroger oatmeal raisin ever-lovin’ cookie was 30 carbohydrates! A sausage egg McMuffin from McDonalds is only 29!!! I about died.

By the way, you need to read that last one in a little old southern lady’s accent. I tried really hard to get that across that way. Yeah, re-reading it I may have only half hit it.

IDIOTS IN SERVICE:
This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone repair people. 
They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. 
When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the pleasant gentleman asked, “Would you like us to call you before we come?”
 I replied that I didn’t see how he would be able to do that since our phones weren’t working. 
He also requested that we report future outages by email. (Does YOUR email work without a telephone line?).
 
IDIOTS AT WORK:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. 
She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. 
When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. 
So I signed the credit card in front of her.
She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. 
As luck would have it, they matched.
 
IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. 
The reason: too many deer were being hit by cars and she didn’t want them to cross there anymore. 
I could swear I’ve recently been with some of these people…

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
 
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
 
Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?
 
How do those dead flies get into closed light fixtures?
 
Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?
 
 Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?
 
In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
 
Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren’t they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?
 
How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?
 
Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?
 
Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don’t have to live with women?

I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people…
But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi!

A man is buying a suit from a local tailor. “I need to warn you,” he says, as the tailor is taking his measurements. “That I won’t be able to pay for this suit for three months.” 

“That’s quite all right, sir,” the tailor replies. 

“By the way,” the man asks, “when will it be ready?” 

“In three months.”

A small boy in a farming town was leading a donkey passed by an army camp.

A couple of soldiers wanted to have some fun with the boy.
“What are you holding on to your brother so tight for?”

“So he won’t join the army,” the youngster replied with blinking an eye.

There’s an octopus scene?

That’ll work well…

The Bermuda Triangle used to be called The Bermuda Square until one side mysteriously vanished.

What type of prize do they give someone who hasn’t moved a muscle in over a year? A trophy.

 If you lose your khakis in Texas, it means you can’t find your pants, but if you lose your khakis in Boston, it means you can’t start your car.

Waiter: How do you like your steak sir? 
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife. 
Waiter: Rare it is!

 Two peanuts were walking in a tough neighborhood and one of them was a-salted.

There are two types of people in the world…those that finish what they start. 

Did you know in Las Vegas there are more Catholic churches than casinos. Not surprisingly some worshippers at Sunday service will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed. Since they get chips from many casinos the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in. This is done by the chip monks.

And yet again this morning, no one was standing next to my be saying, “Your Royal Highness, here is your coffee”.

I lost my wife yesterday at the Helsinki airport. She disappeared into Finnair.

Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example, I am going to the wine store and I’m scared it will be closed.

I’m so glad I learned about parallelograms in high school, instead of how to do my taxes, as it comes in so handy during parallelogram season.

The definition of a will is a dead giveaway.

 I have been nominated on Facebook to a “25 pushups a day challenge” – I blocked that person.

My son asked me why I make noises every time I stand up. I told him it’s because I’m a groan man.

Met the guy who invented the trampoline. Nice guy, but a bit jumpy.

I know this one wrapped up a little early, but I’m just out of time my friends. Until next time. I hope I can get one put together for Saturday. I really need a couple of extra hours in my days. 

I fully intended to create a special 911 issue to go along with today’s episode that, thankfully I had already finished. But when I got home from work, I saw the news about Charlie Kirk being shot and killed and I just couldn’t.

I was absorbed with the news and the grief and the fact that this man was only doing his very best to bring people to Christ the best way he knew how.

Did you know the same time that this was going on there was a school shooting?

I truly believe that evil is running rampant in our world. The man who murdered the Ukrainian woman on the bus just the other day is just another example of evil.

My friends, what’s our world coming to?

I spent this evening in the jail ministering to men trying to bring to them the gospel and at the same time I see such hopelessness in the world. It makes me want to cry.

So, I’m sorry I didn’t give you the second issue that I wanted to bring to you, but I’m sure you’ll understand. Instead I ask for your prayers for Charlie Kirk‘s family for comfort and strength to help them get through this time. They’re going to need it. Also, I asked for prayers for our country. We’re going through a bad time right now, folks.

May God bless you all with peace and comfort in these tumultuous times.

My love to you all until we talk again.

Bob W

aka Impish Dragon