Dragon Laffs #2078


Well, good morning to all!  I hope you all had a wonderful weekend.  I spent Saturday morning with my Grandson.  I would tell you all about it, but it was private time between a Grandpa and his Grandson, but suffice it to say, it was a good morning.  I was pleased with the way it turned out and we will build on our discussion from there.  Since it is now Saturday afternoon, I can’t tell you about the rest of my weekend, but I have plans.  Plans to write to you guys, to work on things for my dart league, go to church tomorrow morning and mow the lawn tomorrow afternoon (memo to self: check weather and make sure it’s not supposed to rain tomorrow afternoon!).  Since I won’t be able to finish this today, I will continue this through tomorrow and have more to talk about as we go through together.

So…should we continue on with another Dragon Rant this morning? 

Jump up on a soapbox and pontificate to the masses?

Is that a resounding NO! that I hear?  You guys don’t want to hear my opinions?  I’m crushed!  Hurt, even.  Well, I’ll wait for a little while.  Get to some laughter first and then let you guys have it … or … um … ahem … give you some of my well-formed and thought-out opinions.  So, for now…

Want to talk about the unemployment rate in America. 

ABBOTT: Good Subject.  Terrible Times.  It’s 5.6%.  

COSTELLO:  That many people are out of work? 

ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%.  

COSTELLO: You just said 5.6%.  

ABBOTT:  5.6% Unemployed.  

COSTELLO:  Right 5.6% out of work.  

ABBOTT: No, that’s 23%.  

COSTELLO: Okay, so it’s  23% unemployed.  

ABBOTT: No, that’s 5.6%.  

COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 5.6% or 23%?  

ABBOTT: 5.6% are unemployed.  23% are out of work.  

COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.  

ABBOTT: No, Biden said you can’t count the “Out of Work” as the unemployed.  You have to look for work to be unemployed.  

COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!  

ABBOTT: No, you miss his point. 

COSTELLO:  What point?  

ABBOTT: Someone who doesn’t look for work can’t be counted with those who look for work.  It wouldn’t be fair.  

COSTELLO: To whom?  

ABBOTT: The unemployed.  

COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work.  

ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work.  Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.  

COSTELLO: So if you’re off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment?  

ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!  

COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don’t look for work?  

ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That’s how it gets to 5.6%. Otherwise, it would be 23%.  

COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number.  

ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.  

COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?  

ABBOTT: Correct.  

COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job?  

ABBOTT: Bingo.  

COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work.  

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like a Democrat.  

COSTELLO:  I don’t even know what the hell I just said!  

ABBOTT: Now you’re thinking like Biden.  

To My Children:  Never, ever make fun of having to help me with computer stuff!  I had to teach you how to use a spoon!

That is pretty cool…wonder if they make a dragon’s claw…

You know what’s more rare than a unicorn? 

A kid that does something the first time you ask.

Maybe you shouldn’t be ASKING…

HOW TO DRAW A DRAGON:  Quickly and Carefully!

Kids, Cats, and Wives…okay, I ain’t sayin’ nuthin’ else!

When Christmas Gifts really WERE Christmas Gifts!!

What a completely EVIL bit of advertising THIS IS!!!!

A woman noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach.  “Ha!  That’s not going to help!” she said.

“Sure, it does,” he replied.  “It’s the only way I can see the numbers.”

Wow!  And speaking of evil advertising…

Let’s do some Puns from Lynn…

I’ve always wondered if chickens communicated using foul language.  Maybe only when they’re egg-cited.

 An invisible man married an invisible woman.
The kids were nothing to look at either.
 
I didn’t think the chiropractor would improve my posture.
But I stand corrected.
 
I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price.
She called me a cheap skate.
 
Studies show cows produce more milk when the farmer talks to them.
It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder.
 
I used to date a girl with one leg who worked at a brewery.
She was in charge of the hops.
 
My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce.
I found out she was seeing someone on the side.
 
My wife claims I’m the cheapest person she’s ever met.
I’m not buying it.
 
Did you know that a raven has 17 rigid feathers called pinions, while a crow has only 16.
The difference between a raven and a crow is just a matter of a pinion.
 
I told my carpenter I didn’t want carpeted steps.
He gave me a blank stair.
 
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up his own incision?
Suture self.

Do you ever feel like your body’s “Check Engine” light has been on and you’re still driving it like “nah, it’ll be fine”?

“Come in.  Come in.  Let’s talk.  No need to be hostile.  Bring your little knife with you.  Don’t mind the bones of the other thieves who’ve come into my home uninvited.  I’m inviting you in my home…”

As opposed to what kind of ice?

Grandma once said, “Sometimes you have to hug the people you don’t like so you know how big to dig the hole in your backyard…”

No…please…explain the math in your universe to me please…

Exercise gives you energy but, you need energy to exercise.

Hey!  I know a pyramid scheme when I see one!

You can change your clothes and powder your nose,
But in the end your Maker knows.

A man can’t be a woman, and a woman can’t be a man,
Pretend all you want, but “you am” what “you am.”

This is a pretty cool Ted Talk like thing that you will find very interesting and only lasts about five minutes…how do touch screens really work.

And another video for you…this little 7 year old Anastasila Tiurina “Valenki” Balalaika is AMAZING!!!

THAT IS DISGUSTING!!!

A Scotsman and his wife walked past a swanky new restaurant.

“Did you smell that food?” she asked. “It’s smells absolutely incredible!”

Being a ‘kind-hearted Scotsman’, he thought, “What the hell…, I’ll treat her!”

So, they walked past it again! 

Ain’t that the truth!

Amen!

Men underestimate a silent female.  Once your girl no longer trips over what you’re doing and no longer tries to talk things out, she’s done.  The silence of a female means she has exhausted herself emotionally trying to get you to listen and you didn’t.  Now she no longer cares.

I am so old…I remember when Chuck went upstairs on Happy Days and never came down again.

That is the absolute honest truth.  It matters not how good a parent you are, each and every child has a demon in them somewhere.  Even this next little guy who appears to be an angel.  I’ll bet that water trick gets old really fast at home on the carpet…but watch, just the same because he is a prodigy and you will see him again someday…

I would love to know what year that is from

And that brings another exciting episode of Dragon Laffs … to a close.  Before we go, we need to say thanks to our heroes.  This is it folks.  The very last week to get your name up in lights, to buy me a cup of coffee, to help  with the bills this year, to become a hero to friends and family alike!  The bills come due at the end of this week.  The time has come.  It’s the last chance to help keep Dragon Laffs ad free for another year.  Remember, you can donate simply by clicking on the donate button near the top on the right column on the web page of dragonlaffs.com OR you can write an email to me and I will send you my snail mail address OR you can Zelle me at rem.wydock@sbcglobal.net and I suppose I will be adding VENMO to that since I just today HAD to add VENMO to my accounts because that’s what we are going to be paying our darts fees by this year (sigh!).  (Why can’t everyone just use ONE!  JUST ONE!!  I don’t even care which ONE it is, just pick ONE and everyone use it!!)  Anyway, we’ll see about that one for next time maybe.  I’m trying to work that one out.  Right now, they verified my phone number once and now they are trying to say that my phone number isn’t mine anymore.  So…not looking good for VENMO if they can’t even get THAT worked out right. 

Anyway, as I was saying, before I was so rudely interrupted by the voices in my head, last chance to donate, etc. But the IMPORTANT part is here’s our heroes!

And I’d like to add to that a 

You guys truly are the best campers a dragon could ask for.  So, until next time, may you be blessed with Love and Happiness, until we meet again.

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3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2078

  1. jhjoseph says:

    Loved today funny’s. Did you get my contribution? I hope it went thru?

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