Dragon Laffs #2066


Yes, it’s that header again because I had my first class that I taught since my surgery on Saturday and … well … they kicked my ass.  Yup, I must be getting old.  That’s the only explanation I can come up with.  First week back to work, first class that I taught, I must be getting old. 

And it wasn’t even a very BIG class!

What’s happening to me?

I was young and spry and full of life, but now…I let a couple of Reservists kick my ass?  That ain’t right.  I’m tellin’ ya, it just ain’t right!

You know what I have to do now, right?

There’s only one thing TO DO!

I’m just going to have to fly out to the base and burn the place to the ground.  That’s all there is to it.

Otherwise, I won’t be able to live with myself.  It is the only option left available.  Okay, okay.  I can hear you out there saying that I should reconsider, so I’ll tell you what I’ll do.  I can wait to hear what suggestions I get from you guys to soothe my aching and embarrassed ego.  But remember, a dragon’s ego is huge, so…it’s going to take a lot.

So, moving on.

I did get a chance to see the Whelpling, and as promised, here is a picture of us together.  Sadly, we are in our human forms, because we’re inside at his house… 

I’m the handsome older one on the right, he’s the furry, brawny, squinty looking one on the left.  He’s a bit weird looking, I’ll admit, but I love him to pieces.  He drives truck for a living, keeping America running and I couldn’t be prouder of him and before any of you ladies get any ideas out there… here’s a picture with his dear sweet wife, whom I couldn’t love more if she were my own daughter:

Her shirt is great, it says something to the effect of a mom trying her best not to raise liberals.  I laughed like crazy when I saw it.  It’s a good thing she’s so cute, otherwise I’d hate to see what their kids would have looked like.  As it is, I have the most beautiful grandkids on the planet.  Just ask me, I’ll be happy to tell you all about them.  I wish I could have stayed longer with them, but with Izzy Dragon at work and the Dragon puppies locked up at home, I had to get back and take care of them.  Besides, all the grandkids were out or at work and with it being the Whelplings birthday, well…I was in the way.  Yup, they are young, and in love and he REALLY wanted to go play…with … his new birthday present.

Which was a new miter saw!  Where was your dirty mind going to!?

Anyway, let’s get on with the important stuff…

Gonna be a lot of people traveling overnight out of Phoenix.

Since so many of you wrote in to wish the Whelpling a happy birthday, let’s get those out there for him real quick, shall we?

Alan F

15 hours ago

Dragon Laffs #2065

Happy birthday to your son. Hope you have (had) a good time together.

Thanks Alan, we did have a nice time together.  Like I said, it wasn’t long enough, but you take what you can get sometimes. 

Stephanie

9 hours ago

Dragon Laffs #2065

Happy birthday, Kid.

Thanks Steph, and thanks for playing attack of the text message gifs.  That was fun! 

jhjoseph

4 hours ago

Dragon Laffs #2065

Happy Birthday to your son who is lucky to have a dad who makes perhaps everyone in your family laugh daily. Thanks for posting my comments. Yes you presumed correctly, I am a male–Joe Holtzman to be exact. I do love your site and much of what you publish. Thanks. Joe Holtzman

Thanks Joe.  That’s probably what I would’ve guessed, but now we all know.  Appreciate your continued support.  I try to make my family laugh…they groan a lot, too. 

Maggie C

5 hours ago

Dragon Laffs #2065

HAPPY BIRTHDAY !!!! to the Whelpling. mine is Tuesday  

Well, since this is the closest we are going to get to Tuesday…

If you’re asking me for advice I can only assume that you’re out of all other rational options.

If you really don’t get that meme, then you are too young and your parents did a poor job at your upbringing. So, then it is up to me, Impish Dragon, to improve upon your knowledge…

Okay, from there, you should be able to Google your own hours of fun.

Vegan food ain’t that bad once you add meat and cheese to it…

They just can’t help themselves.

Losing weight doesn’t seem to be working for me.  So, from now on, I’m going to concentrate on getting taller.

Fitness Level:  Pulled a muscle in my ass just crossing my legs.

The inventor of autocorrect died.  The funnel will be held tomato.

Why?  What does your genie in a lamp look like?

Out of all the inventions in the last 100 years, 

the dry erase board is probably the most remarkable.

Officer:  Please step out of the vehicle.

Me:  After this song.

I might be a 5, but I’m a solid 8 at the Gulfport Walmart, so you ain’t gonna talk to me any kind of way.

I wish my siblings would stop calling me “spoiled” just because I’m the baby in the family.  The fact is, my parents kept having children until they found one they liked.  It’s so not my issue.

If you again, don’t know who this guy is, you have had a poor education in your childhood!  Go ahead and Google Benny Hill.  Go on … we’ll wait …

Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of the night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind for the rest of their lives.

That is actually a great idea.  We used to set off a string of firecrackers at 2 or 3 am on their front steps, but I almost think the watermelon thing is much better long term evil.

Okay, there he is again, youngsters…look him up!

Yup, that’s what happened…

Well, I try to, anyway.  “Tell the Truth” and “Use Common Sense” that is.  One thing I will promise you is that I call it as I see it.  I do not espouse a viewpoint because it’s popular or because it’s right or left or red or blue or anything.  My opinions are my own and they are normally embedded in trying hard to not be stupid and to not hurt the largest amount of people.  Now, we get something like this, sent to us by our dear friend and fellow camper Stephanie…

This doesn’t pass the common sense test, the truth test, or the stupidity test.  It also doesn’t pass the hurt the least amount of people test.  This is the Green New Deal under a different name.  It’s pure lie.  It has NOTHING to do with inflation.  They are not even trying to hide the fact that they are lying to our faces anymore. 

You know, myself and many of you out there who are readers of this ezine volunteered to give up your very lives for this country.  One of our dearest friends did.  Lethal Leprechaun ultimately died from wounds that he suffered from an IED he encountered in the sandbox.  That little green guy was like a brother to me.  Some of you, like me, carry scars, and pains, and maybe limp or aches because of the time you gave to this wonderful country.  And I’m not looking for anything in return.  For everything that I’ve given, the pain that I suffer daily, the parts of me that are now made out of metal, the government honors me with a 10% hearing disability.  About $150 bucks a month.  Because that’s all the VA can “prove” was military related.  And that’s fine with me.  That’s the cost of doing business, the cost of my service to my country.  My life, my fortune, my sacred honor…right?

But, I expect my government representatives to uphold their end of the bargain.  And the first order of which is to NOT LIE TO ME.  Especially not to my face.  This administration has been doing nothing but since they took office.  Everything was Trump’s fault.  No new taxes.  On and on and on.  I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of it.  And giving away our money to illegals entering our country.  Over 2 million illegals entered our country in 2022 so far.  That’s about one-third of the population of Indiana!  And there’s the weepy-eyed snowflakes, with money in their hands, welcoming them into our country.  And then hiring all these IRS agents to take more of my money?  Come on!  We need to get rid of these liars and thieves NOW.  Everything they do makes our lives worse.

Is there any of you out there who can honestly say that you are better off now then you were when Trump was in office?  If so, you are in the minority.  

And how many of my fellow Veterans out there have an ache in their heart like I do?

Okay, that Dragon Rant came out of nowhere.  So, let’s get back to where we were.

Huh.  Now it makes sense why everyone kept asking me to step outside with them.

Too funny!

RAISE YOUR HAND IF SOMEONE IS STILL ALIVE TODAY BECAUSE YOU DIDN’T WANT TO GO TO PRISON?

I duck my head down while driving into underground parking garages to make my car fit…in case you were wondering what kind of superior intellect I’ve passed down to my kids.

I tried to text, “I’m a functional adult,” but my phone changed it to, “fictional adult,” and I feel like that is a more accurate description.

And that’s it my friends.  I hope you enjoyed this one as much as I did.  May the beginning of your week be well, fun filled, and peaceful.  May God Bless each and everyone of you and may you all find Love and Happiness until we meet again.

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2066

  1. Stephanie says:

    To soothe your wounded pride
    1. Use your might talk to swat Nancy Pelosi.
    2. Take a warm bath to relax and dehydrate.
    3. 1liter Jameson.
    4. Moody Blues in the background.
    5. Summon the Cleaning Fairies to scrub and polish each scale.
    6. Have the trolls bring you 10 virgins (female) to dance for you.
    7. Read novels.

  2. Jerry D Maxwell says:

    Great stuff as always. Thanks so much for brightening our day.

  3. shaubs@verizon.net says:

    Me for sure!

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