Dragon Laffs #2029


Nineteen children and two teachers. As our country grieves along with the families of these senselessly taken from us, please join with our Dragon Laffs family and take a moment to join us and bow our heads in a moment of silence for them.

Heavenly Father, we ask you to watch over and comfort the families of those who were taken in the Uvalde Elementary School. Bless and comfort that community who we know will be suffering long effects afterward. Amen.

It’s a difficult way to start our Saturday, my friends.  And it annoys me to NO END the number of politicians who are using this to push their agendas.  Now, the only ones I’ve seen who are doing this are the leftist democrats, who are taking this opportunity to SCREAM about gun control and taking away the 2nd Amendment, but I’m sure there are the right siders out there who are doing the exact same thing, I just haven’t seen them.  Because any good politician can’t let a good tragedy go to waste.  And if nothing else, it gives the Republicans and opportunity to scream at the Democrats about how bad they are about taking advantage of the situation, like as long as they started it first, it’s okay for us to do it second.

NO! 

It’s NOT OKAY for anyone to do it.

Let the families grieve.   

And as for us?  We are going to try to move on to happier things and smile a little.  Because God knows I need it and I’m 100% sure that there are many, many of you, my other family out there who need it too.  So, what do you say we move along this morning, shall we?

How many Lowe’s could Rob Lowe Rob if Rob Lowe could Rob Lowe’s?

 

When you become frustrated with older people because of what they cannot do…

…think of how frustrated they must feel because they can no longer do it.

Yeah…think of it…how FRUSTRATING it must be!  To get older and not be able to do some of the things that we were able to do when we were younger!

Many, many, MANY times!  Used to LOVE them!

If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow, look at you, you are really good at wine!

“Dear friend, I need you to fly and burn the village to the ground.  Do it for me.”

If it weren’t for that clever man who discovered electricity, we’d all be watching television by candlelight.

*BOOM*

Mom:  What was that?  

Me:  My Shirt fell.  

Mom:  It sounded a lot heavier than that…  

Me:  I was in it.

“My friends, there will be a dragon coming to destroy the village.  I need you to protect it.  At all costs.  For me.”

Balloons are so weird…

“Happy Birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

FUCKING OUCH!!!

This one is sent in by Lynn and it’s called, Where is Mr. Science.

Roe v. Wade was ruled before ultrasounds reached America.
We now know children in the womb:
  •  Suck their thumbs
  •  Feel joy and pain
  •  Respond to light
  •  Develop food preferences
  •  Recognize their mother’s voice
It’s time for our laws to reflect science.
Where is Mr. Science?

I believe in a woman’s choice.  BUT(!!!!!)  That woman (and that man!!!) needs to understand that sex causes babies.  I know…it sounds pretty stupid.  But, if you are enough of an adult to have sexual relations, then be enough of an adult to to take proper precautions and if you don’t, understand that that is an actual human being, a real live person, just like you and me, that you are murdering when you are having an abortion.  I believe with all my heart that abortion is wrong and I would beg and plead with you to reconsider if you were to have that mind set.  But, it is ultimately your decision, and I will defend your right to make that decision. 

And … now we’ve broached a topic that I was pretty sure I was never going to talk about in Dragon Laffs, but it is topical and in the news right now, so if anyone would like to throw their two cents in, then go ahead and then we’ll move on. 

I don’t care how beautiful you are.  If your personality is ugly, you’re ugly.

Chicken’s are mean!

No she won’t.  I can’t believe that there was any time, in any history, that any mom, anywhere, would be appreciative for even ONE day with a mop bucket for Mother’s Day.  So … NO SHE WON’T!

Last month I did the unthinkable and finally threw out that box of unloved cables, that we all have, that I’ve dragged with me through adulthood. 

Today, I realized that I needed one of them and have no idea how to find a replacement. 

CONSIDER THIS A WARNING TO YOU ALL!

I beg your pardon?

So, we’ll wrap up today’s episode with a couple of comments that we received from loyal and loving readers.  Here’s the first one, it’s from Dave about a home DIY project that he wanted to share with the rest of us:

Dave

a day ago

Dragon Laffs #2028

I did the buried skeleton thing about 15 years ago. I bought a full size skeleton, removed all of the metal connectors and glued the holes shut. I buried it under the porch of the house I grew up in. Both my parents died in that house and the neighbor still feels creeped out by it. I sold the house about 10 years ago. Wait until someone has to crawl under the porch to fix the outside faucet!

I too, would love to be there when someone crawls under the porch.  It would almost be worth getting an inexpensive motion activated camera and set it up under there for when someone finally sets it off.  I would never have thought to remove the metal connections and glue the holes shut.  Nice job, Dave!

And then we have this one from Hank.  And I have to be honest, I had to go back to episode number 226 to figure out what Hank was talking about:

Hank

20 hours ago

I like the second one best. It is the truth, and your privacy is yours to protect.

Hank is referencing the Last Word conversation that we were having with Leah about what to respond to people who asked what religion she was.  He was saying the second choice was that it was none of their business.  And I can dig that answer.  It’s is straight forward and does protect your privacy, although it’s not near as sarcastic as the other answers were.

And that’s our show for today.  Tune in on Monday for our Memorial Day issue.  I’m not sure how I’m going to run it this year, having lost an awful lot of people this year, it might be a little hard.  But, we’ll see how it goes.  Love and happiness to you all.

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #2029

  1. Sasquatch says:

    In regards to privacy and religion, the other day I was in a Meijer store in Detroit. A guy in his 20s walked up to me and introduced himself and his brother and told me they like to talk to people about their church. I told him I like to deflower virgins under the light of a full moon. I’m really not sure what he was hoping for but mine still sounds like more fun. We both walked away confused.

    • impishdragon says:

      I have to agree wholeheartedly.

      Yours definitely sounds like more fun. Plus, I would have paid good money to see the looks on the brother’s faces.

  2. Marsha Mastrangelo says:

    Where can I find those blueberries???

  3. Friggin Pete says:

    WOW, I stole several today so, you know what that means….yup, you’ll be getting them back sometime in the future…..LOL

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