Dragon Laffs #2006


 

Today is Thursday, my dear Mary’s Birthday and I’ve spent the entire day crying and trying not to cry.  I haven’t been overly successful.  I did take Izzy out to Target and to the doctor’s office to pick up some orthotics for her feet.  And I discovered that one of my headlights is out.  I was wondering why it was so damn hard to see on the way to work the other morning.  I watched a YouTube video on how to change the headlight bulb on an Chevy Equinox which was only a minute and ten seconds long.  Really easy.  But, you have to go through the wheel well!  Through the friggin’ wheel well to change the headlight!  And if it stops raining before I finish this, I’ll tell you guys how it goes. 

Anyway, in a misguided and somewhat hopeless attempt to keep my mind occupied on other things, let’s go ahead and get some laughs out here.  

Every time I fold laundry I contemplate becoming a nudist. 

Then I remember what I look like naked and keep folding.

Wood Elves?

A Wise Man Said:  Don’t seek revenge.  The rotten fruits will fall by themselves.

Little Girl:  [Blows out birthday candles] A dragon appears out of thin air 
Screaming, crying, yelling guests. 
Chaos  
Dragon: [sigh] Birthday wish?  
Little Girl:  [Excited nodding]  
Dragon:  You just want to climb my scales for a while, don’t you?  
Little Girl:  Ya!  
Dragon:  Okay, but only for an hour.

A couple of really nice comments from you guys…

Friggin Pete

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, MARY!!

dowchuckil

in 1981 when both my parents died i absolutely went through all the stages of grief you have listed.
actually the thing i needed most was for people to just listen to how i felt. i’m listening “bro”.

Thank you Chuck

kris72663

Dragon we’re an extended family. If you need to vent, we’re here for you.
Happy First Birthday in Heaven Mary.

Thank you Kris.  It means a lot.  I’m sure she is having a wonderful first birthday in heaven, but is it wrong of me to wish she was having a lousy 54th birthday here with me?

Dragon Laff version of Squid Game

We’re about $1 away from people calling off work for being “out of gas.”

Okay, a couple of more nice comments from you guys:

Sasquatch

we’re all here for you. You and Lethal got many of us though some bad days. The best I can offer is an ear, a shoulder and an offer to be around if you need to vent. You’ll have good people waiting for you on the other side, but you have plenty of us that are mighty glad you are here. Anything….any time… let me know

Thanks Sasquatch, and thanks to all of you who have been there for me over the last couple of months … hell, over the last year or so.  Since my Mary has been sick.  You guys have been there for me.  And yeah, Lethal and I made a pact a LONG time ago to be there for you guys, to promote Veterans and Veteran matters, to fight for the little guys, to promote Law Enforcement, Fire, EMS, pretty much all the service type people all the way down to waiters and waitresses.  (Been there, done that!)  And like the motto says: To Battle the World’s Bullshit with laughter.  It’s been hard over the last few years, doing this on my own (without Lethal) and under the stress that I’ve been under, but I’d like to think that I’ve powered through.  And hopefully, it will improve from here and get back to it’s glory days.

Dale A.

I lost my husband over 13 years ago. I have never had a day that I did not think of him. I have his picture on a wall and every time I pass it I kiss my two fingers and place them on his lips and say, “I miss you dear”….and I will until my time comes to join him. I also still wear my wedding rings too.
I had a good husband and I am not looking for anyone else. Will keep you in my prayers.

I agree with you 100% Dale.  Thank  you for your prayers.  They are deeply appreciated.

An elderly patient gets hearing aids from a doctor.  After short time, he meets the doctor again. 

The doctor says, “Your hearing is perfect.  Your family must be really pleased.” 

The patient replied, “Oh, I am in a funny situation now.  I haven’t told my family yet.  I just sit and listen to their conversations.  In a month, I’ve changed my will three times!”

I’ve decided to add “extensive experience in dealing with stupid people” to my resume.  That HAS GOT to be a marketable skill.

A day may come when I get enough sleep and don’t need coffee. 

But, it is not this day.

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced so that stupid people won’t be offended.

You know gas prices are high when the guy in the lifted truck isn’t revving his engine at Walmart during mating season.

The funniest thing I heard an elder say, “My generation had Wonder Woman, your generation has to wonder if it’s a woman.”

Have you ever seen a twenty pound note all crumpled up?” asked the wife.

“No,” he said.

She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.

“Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?” she asked.

“No,” he said.

She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.

“Now,” she said, “have you ever seen 30,000 pounds all crumpled up?”

“No,” he said, intrigued.

“Well, go and take a quick look in the garage.”

I hate when you give someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.

The irony for mankind is that a computer program asks a human to prove that they’re not a robot.

So, before we end this one, let’s go back to the headlight issue.  First, let me show you the YouTube that I watched to learn how to do this

So, her pretty pink nail polish really throws you off.  Because one thing the video DOESN’T tell you is that without a vehicle lift, you need the flexibility of a snake, and the hand strength of a FUCKING GORILLA!!!!  And four minutes and change, MY ASS!!!  We … Izzy and I — BOTH OF US — were at it for AT LEAST ten times that.  Forty-five minutes at least. 

That one screw, the only REAL part that needs to be removed, you saw that one, right? 

Rusted shut, and snapped right off. 

Yeah — it went downhill from there.

But, it is done.  And it works. 

And the broken off screw was drilled out

And in its place is a wood screw that fit in the plastic frame and works. 

So, in the long run, it was a successful day and then that was it.  This one is done and I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did.  Until next time.

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