Dragon Laffs #1958 – The Dragon is Alive and …


Good Morning Campers,

Yes, I am alive.  Maybe not well, but I am alive.  I made it through last weekend, where I worked the whole weekend, teaching classes and wore myself out so badly getting through to Tuesday (today – the day that I am actually writing this) that I had my normal follow up with my doctor that she actually chewed me out when I went to see her. 

She said, “You’re sick!” 

I replied, “I’m on vacation now, I can’t be sick.” 

She said, “You realize that makes no sense whatsoever.” 

I said, “It makes perfect sense.  I got sick on Friday …” 

She interrupted, “It’s Tuesday.” 

I said, “Hear me out.  I got sick on Friday, but I started a ten day leave that I have been really looking forward to and REALLY NEED, and have to have, and did I say that I REALLY NEED SOME FRIGGIN’ TIME OFF and it starts on Tuesday and I just have to make it till Tuesday and I had to work through the weekend and teach three hard classes and I wasn’t feeling well and I’m pretty stressed out and overworked and …” 

She said, “You’re an idiot.” 

Well, long story short, I’ve been pretty sick.  I haven’t had COVID, just been sick, overworked, stressed because of Mrs. Dragon’s continuing saga of Blood Pressure problems, and well, it’s all kind of caught up with me.  I’m not on ten days of leave.  My doctor congratulated me on having lost so much weight. (a total of about 65 lbs so far) but then got pissed off at me again when I told her I was usually only eating one meal a day.  She told me I couldn’t do that as a diabetic.  So she gave me this Libre FreeStyle 2 device…you know, that silly thing that you’ve seen on TV that you put on the back of your arm.  This thing:

Well, a couple of things about this silly thing.  First of all, they say it’s painless.  Bullshit.  Little bastard hurt going on there.  And now it keeps telling me that my blood sugar is too low.  I don’t think that 60 is too low.  So, to keep it quiet, the dogs and I are sharing some golden cream cookies.  Yup, I know.  Just the perfect things to eat.  Don’t you guys start, too! 

She also sent me for a knee, hip and shoulder X-ray because of my arthritis. Now, I already have a fake knee and hip on the right side, so this was on the left side.  The tech said that she couldn’t really tell anything about the shoulder and the knee was so-so, but the hip was definitely bone on bone and gee, Mr. Dragon, you must be in awful pain when you walk.  So, I’m thinking I have hip replacement in my immediate future as well.  Gee, Impish.  Got any MORE STRESS in your life right now?!?!  She really wasn’t supposed to show me my X-rays, but she was a good kid and when I convinced her I knew what I was looking at, which I did, having been through this before, she showed me all of them and yeah … looks like crap. 

So yeah.  It’s been a tough couple of days for me.  But you guys have been great.  I’ve gotten so many messages and so many emails telling me to get well and to take care, it has really been something.  Thank you all so very much.  It has really meant a lot to me.  Truly.  So now, what do you say we get this party started, shall we? 

How low some of us have dropped in life.

Start every phone call with, “my phone is about to die”, that way you can hang up on them when you’re bored.

Yup, some people can’t handle the truth!

My favorite Animal:

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried Chicken.” 

She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, because everyone else laughed. 

My parents told me to always tell the truth.  I did.  Fried chicken is my favorite animal. 

I told my dad what happened and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA.  He said they love animals very much.

I do, too.  Especially chicken, pork, and beef. 

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. 

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too.  Then he told me not to do it again. 

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. 

I told her it was chicken.  She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. 

She sent me back to the principal’s office. 

He laughed, and told me not to do it again. 

I don’t understand.  My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. 

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous military person I admired most. 

I told her, “Colonel Sanders.” 

Guess where the fuck I am now…

Hard working dragons … it’s just not right!

Food for thought…wouldn’t it be ironic if Popeye’s Chicken was fried in Olive Oil?

Steve Winwood began his solo career in 1977.  He would’ve started sooner, but he was stuck in Traffic.

Relaxing at home with the dragon family

Did you know…

If you text your boss “GO FUCK YOURSELF” you don’t have to go to work anymore?

Well, got called by the surgeon’s office and I have an appointment on Thursday.  Yup.  While you guys are reading this, I’ll be talking to on of my favorite docs.  The same one who did my right knee and hip, the same one who I went to for advice on my back.  I really do like this guy.  But, after seeing the X-rays, … well, you know. 

Ring the bell and the guards will come…

I’m not going to put ALL the well wishes that I have gotten here, but I did want to say a 

to everyone who wrote to me and wished me well and to heal up real fast.  There were a couple of other mails that I did want to share.  Here’s the first one. 

reast744

You served and continue to do so. You are a patriot. This newsletter is by you, but also for you (to vent) so it is wherever your mood takes you. If there is someone who has been granted extraordinary powers of oversight and supervision … nah screw that. There isn’t. Still a free country.
I wonder what Lethal would have said?  

Thanks reast744.  Your words touched me in a lot of ways.  Especially today.  What would Lethal have said?  How apropos on the on the 246th birthday of the US Marine Corps.  (Okay, dammit, now there are tears in my eyes).  You have no idea how many times I’ve uttered those words either out loud or under my breath.  “What would Lethal say?”  I miss that damn Leprechaun more than I can say.  Lethal always took a stronger stance on things than even I did, but we both saw eye to eye on most things.  I know that when he takes the time away from the women and whiskey and turns his eye downward upon us, he smiles.  So, my very dear friend, my brother from another mother I hope you are happily drunk and sated and in your honor: 

1775 to 2021

My day starts backwards…

I wake up tired and go to bed wide awake.

I have the exact same problem.

Between coffee and cocaine, it seems the whole point of Colombia is to wake the rest of the world up.

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.

Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor’s room.

“What’s wrong with you?” he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!”

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said:

“Does she still have the hiccups?”

Okay, and this is why Friggin’ Pete is called “Friggin'” Pete.  He sent this to me and I have to say that I, as well, am fascinated by the whole thing.  Whether it was ACTUALLY said or not, the fact that people are still arguing about it is mind-blowing.  What are we talking about?  Read on, dear camper, read on. 

OK, I just found this fascinating. It just amazes me what people will believe in and get behind and fight about. This meme and others saying basically the same thing, was started in 2013 claiming it was earnestly promoted and is an authentic feminist concept stated by this Ashleigh Ingle feminist at a 2013 conference in Toronto, Canada. Nether she or anyone else said any such thing there but, people have been taking sides and actually fighting about it ever since. I’m not sure who is winning but, I can say this…..I still fart loud…. if that makes me a “he man woman hater”…..so be it!

LMAO!

It just seems to me that there are so many things just a little more important than who farts the loudest and what it means….and fighting over something like that, dear friends is why we find ourselves in the mess this Country is in!  (That part was from Pete)

(BOOM!)    (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)     (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)    (BOOM!)  Yeah, I can hear all of your minds being blown from here.  Truly and utterly amazing.  Thanks again Pete for sharing something that makes us all go “hmmm”.  And also, “What the hell?!?!”

The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

They say sniffing Rosemary will improve your memory.  I sniffed Rosemary once.  She hit me.  I don’t remember anything after that.

A huge stack of toilet rolls fell on me in the supermarket.  I’m okay though, just some soft tissue damage.

My friend writes songs about sewing machines. 

He’s a Singer songwriter.

Or sew it seams.

I know…it was really, really bad.  But, I just had to share it BECAUSE it was so bad. And BECAUSE it was so bad, the … you guys aren’t buying this at all, are you?  Okay, I’ll leave now.

Wait!  What?

Today is Veterans Day.  You guys didn’t think I forgot, did you?  I know normally I would dedicate an entire issue to Veterans Day, but this year, somehow, seems different.  Veterans have been treated like crap this year.  The military is being treated like crap.  We are telling our military members that we can’t fly planes, we can’t hire anyone, even in unoccupied, needed positions, because there is no money, yet we can send money to other countries, give money to illegal aliens, and pass a friggin’ multi trillion dollar infrastructure bill, but we can’t defend our country.  And yet, we are supposed to maintain our moral and continue to defend our country, maintain our readiness, do more with less. 

It’s a damn good thing we are the United States Military and all that shit is just another day for us. 

After every single class I teach to the military members I thank them for their service.  That may sound a little plain, but hear me out.  I tell them that at some point in time in the past, they raised their hand and swore to give up their lives for people they don’t know and for people that don’t know them.  I tell them that when I did it, I thought of my friends, and my family, and my loved ones.  But you know, my time is past.  Not that my oath of service is up.  My oath will never expire.  And neither will theirs.  But at almost 63 years old, the odds of them calling me back to active service are pretty slim.  So, in all honesty, what they have sworn to do is give up their lives for MY friends, and MY family, and MY loved ones.  And there is no way that I could have them in MY classroom and not say thank you.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  Because what you guys do is important, it matters, it means something.  It’s not just two days a month and two weeks during summer vacation, it’s twenty-four hours a day and 365 days a year.  And if you don’t believe that, you’re kidding yourself.  Thank you for what you do.  Thank you for picking up where we left off.  Because it is important, it does matter, it does mean something.  And it’s a little bit harder for you guys than it was for us.  There are those of us who work out here, who are wearing civilian clothes now, who do understand what you guys are going through.  And we do appreciate the things that you do.  We do understand the things that you guys are going through.  The people on the outside of the fence may not, but we do.  And we also understand that there may be times that you need someone.  Someone to talk to or someone to reach out to.  My work phone is ALWAYS forwarded to my cellphone when I’m not at work.  So, if you call my work phone you will always reach me.  twenty-four/seven.  I may not BE the guy you need to talk to, but odds are I KNOW the guy you need to talk to.  Because that’s what one veteran does for another veteran.  Thanks for all you do, now go on and get out of here and enjoy the rest of your day. 

And at least to ME, THAT is what Veterans Day is all about.  I don’t know if I’ve got it right or not.  I know it’s about sacrifice.  It’s about what some have given so that the rest could have.  I’ve been pretty damn blessed in my life.  Lethal would say that he was lucky in his, I think he got the crappy end of the stick more times than not.  His wounds ended up killing him.  There are homeless Vets all over this country living on the streets or in boxes.  Men and women who were willing to give their very lives for you and me and we can’t even be bothered to give them a home to live in, but we can give criminals who sneak into this country illegally hundreds of thousands of dollars and housing and all kinds of other stuff.  What possible sense does that make?

To my brothers and sisters who served, to the family members of those who served (because you also served, sometimes I think it was harder on you), to the current members of the armed forces out there (and I don’t care which branch of the service, which country (so long as you are an ally, of course, lol) and to whatever length of time you served, may I humbly and with deepest heartfelt honor say, thank you for your service.  Thank you for taking the responsibility for offering up all of you for all of us.  God Bless You and your families.

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1958 – The Dragon is Alive and …

  1. txtedbr00 says:

    BTW Dragon, gr8 to see u back…..hope u and urs well and a gr8 Veterans Day to you.

  2. txtedbr00 says:

    Wow, my 81st Veterans Day. Time flies when ur having fun, too bad I’m not having some or maybe I am…Happy Vets Day to everyone from an old Teddybear.

  3. Friggin Pete says:

    Thank you for all that you have done and continue to do for this Country, all the days of your Career!

  4. Dave says:

    Fantastic issue, like always.

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