Dragon Laffs #1847


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coyote

Good Morning Campers,

I’m in shock this morning.  I’m sad, I’m angry, and I’m completely flabbergasted (I’ve been using that word a lot lately).  And I’m so pissed off at the fucking media I can hardly speak.  All fucking year long … the rioting and burning and looting and they mostly downplayed it or even ignored it completely and today (Thursday) they are out for blood!  And not a single one of them have said a word about the fact that the ones who actually broke in and caused the damage were ANTIFA agents dressed as Trump supporters planted in the group to cause trouble!  99% of the protesters (and they were protesters, not rioters like the media would have you believe) were well behaved and just pissed off American Citizens expressing their displeasure with their elected leaders. 

These fuckers did everything they wanted to do, they did it right in front of all of us, and nobody is doing anything about it.  And now, on top of everything else, on top of shutting down Trumps Twitter account and his Facebook account, not broadcasting his speech on TV, not consulting him about bringing in the National Guard, completely cutting him out … which sounds an awful lot like a coup, now the democrats want to Article 25 or impeach him in his last days of office because he was honest enough to call a thief a thief. 

I don’t know folks.  As I was telling Sasquatch earlier, I got into this blog business so I could say what I wanted to say without worrying about what other people thought.  Like-minded people would follow along and unlike-minded people would eventually get sick and tired of listening to me and find somewhere else to hang out.  I wonder how much longer things like free speech are going to be allowed?  You may think I am overreacting, but am I?  Let’s not even go as far as talking about President Trump losing his Facebook and Twitter accounts and he’s the friggin’ President!  You’d think if ANYONE would have freedom of speech it would be him.  And don’t give me any crap about inciting riot or any soapboxcrap like that.  Or that shit that Zuckerberg threw out there “we believe the risks of allowing the President to continue to use our service during this period are simply too great …” Oh, bullshit!  Kiss my ass you pussy asshole! 

I have a friend of mine that got kicked off Twitter for a month for calling Kamala Harris a whore and that’s a proven and self-admitted fact.  There’s even pictures for crying-out-loud!

And for goodness sake, how many times do I have to call Pelosi a bitch before someone comes and shuts off my Wi-Fi?  But the nice people at Word Press have never given me a warning.  But, is that going to change?  Is it going to become a crime to not spout the party line?  It seems to be the case nationally now and on the larger platforms.  It only seems to be the smaller, little read spots where you can get to the truth.  And even when you tell the truth and even don’t use derogatory language on the big platforms like twitter … you get shut down if you say something that doesn’t agree with party politic. 

So … what happens next?  Well, next for us is some laughter … for the country … Biden becomes our next president, at least for a few months until Kamala takes over because he becomes “indisposed”.  As for the rest … time will tell.  It’s time for me to push this soapbox back under the desk where it belongs and let’s laugh … at least a little.  Because it’s better to laugh than it is to cry.

Lets Laugh

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I have to say a special thanks to Joe L in New Jersey for this one.  It made me laugh so hard when I really needed a laugh, I really didn’t see the end coming, and it was brand new for me!  Thanks Joe!  A brother from NJ!

It is said no English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words – “Complete” and “Finished”.
In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was: “How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand ? Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.”
Here is his astute answer:
“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”
He won a trip around the world, and a case of 25yo Scotch.

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No shit, hold my beer.  The little bastard has started off with a bang.

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I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these days.

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Age 16:  Takes 4 hours to do hair and plan outfit

Age 18:  Takes 2 hours to do hair and plan outfit

Now:  I brushed my hair 3 days ago and I have no idea whose shirt this is

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Dragon Pix

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As I sneak up behind the king, and wrap my hands around his eyes, I whisper in his ear, “Guess who.”

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And you younger ones probably don’t recognize why that’s funny.

My neighbor was working in his yard when he was startled by a late model car that came crashing through his hedge and ended up in his front lawn.  He rushed to help an elderly lady driver out of the car and sat her down on a lawn chair. 

“My goodness,” he said with excitement, “you appear quite elderly to be driving.”

“Well, yes I am,” she replied proudly.  “I’ll be 97 next month, and I am now old enough that I don’t even need a driver’s license anymore.  The last time I went to my doctor, he examined me and asked if I had a driver’s license.  I told him yes and handed it to him.  He took scissors out of the drawer, cut the license into pieces, and threw them in the wastebasket, saying, you won’t need this anymore, so I thanked him and left!”

This next one asks a REALLY good question …

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Because I’m a Man

This one is, of course, from Stephanie … and there is much with it that I take exception to.  I will, again of course, point out the places where I take exception as we go through it together.

Because I’m a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AA is not an option. I will win.  This one is true.  Why call AAA when a coat hanger is normally easily at hand and I can do it myself.

Because I’m a man, when the car isn’t running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I’m looking at. If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, “I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn’t know where to start.” We will then drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion.  I did use to be able to fix these things, now who the heck knows, and of course a beer is involved … so yeah, this one is true, too.

Because I’m a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You’re a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.  Everyone knows that women don’t get as sick as men do, and pointing it out like this is just not right, so I suppose this one is true, but just mean.

Because I’m a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic items like “cumin” or “tofu.” For all I know, these are the same thing.  No one even eats tofu!

Because I’m a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it back together.  Hey!  I fixed things!  Once!

Because I’m a man, I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may miss a whole program looking for it…though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator…(applies to engineers mainly).  Holding the remote is a man’s right!

Because I’m a man, there is no need to ask me what I’m thinking about. The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don’t ask.  This list sucks!

Because I’m a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her for Mother’s Day is okay; I don’t need to see it. And don’t forget to pick up something for my mother, too.  Never mind, just finish the damn list.

Because I’m a man, you don’t have to ask me if I liked the film. Chances are, if you’re crying at the end of it, I didn’t…and if you are feeling amorous afterwards…then I will certainly at least remember the name and recommend it to others.

Because I’m a man, I think what you’re wearing is fine. I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now?

Because I’m a man, and this is, after all, the year 2020, I will share equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I’ll do the rest…. like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.

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Because of my ……..

I was on a regular drive to work when suddenly a police car flags me down to stop.

I await nervously while he saunters over and raps his knuckles smartly on my window.

Cop: “Do you know why I pulled you over ?”

Me: “Because of my …”

Car driving by: HONKKKK !!!

Me: “Because of my ……”

2nd car driving by: HONKKKKKKK !!!!

Me: “Because of my ……”

3rd car driving by: HOOONNNNKKKKKKK !!!!

Me: Because of my

            “Honk if you think cops are idiots’’

                                   bumper sticker ?

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Thanks to John S … who normally sends us the Bozo criminals of the day … for these stories of Smart Thieves as lessons learned for us to study and be smarter for.

1. LONG  – TERM PARKING

Some  people left their car in the long-term parking at the airport while away, and  someone broke into the car. Using the information on the car’s  registration in the glove compartment, they drove the car to the  people’s home and robbed it.  So I guess if we are going to leave the car in long-term parking, we  should NOT leave the registration/insurance cards in it, nor your remote  garage door opener. This gives us something to think about with all our  new electronic technology.

2. GPS:

Someone had their car broken into  while they were at a football game. Their car was parked on the  green which was adjacent to the football  stadium and specially allotted to football fans. Things stolen from the  car included a garage door remote control, some money and a GPS which had  been prominently mounted on the dashboard. When the victims got  home, they found that their house had been ransacked and just  about everything worth anything had been  stolen. The thieves had used the GPS to guide them to the house.  They then used the garage remote control  to open the garage door and gain entry to the house. The thieves  knew the owners were at the football  game, they knew what time the game was scheduled to finish and so they

Knew how much time they had to clean  out the house. It would appear that they had brought a truck to  empty the house of its contents Something  to consider if you have a GPS – don’t put your home address in it.  Put a nearby address (like a store or  gas station) so you can still find your way home if you need to, but no  one else would know where you live if  your GPS were stolen.

3. CELL  PHONES:

I  never thought of this! This lady has now changed her habit of how she  lists her names on her cell phone after her handbag was  stolen. Her handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet,  etc., was stolen. Twenty minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened,  hubby says, “I received your text asking about our Pin number and I’ve  replied a little while ago.” When they rushed down to the  bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The  thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text  “hubby” in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20  minutes he had withdrawn all the money from  their bank account.

4. PURSE IN THE  GROCERY CART SCAM:

A lady went grocery-shopping at a  local mall and left her purse sitting in the children’s seat of the cart while she reached something off a shelf/ Wait  till you read the WHOLE story! Her wallet was stolen, and she reported  it to the store personnel. After  returning home, she received a phone call from the Mall Security
To  say that they had her wallet and that although  there was no money in it, it did still hold her personal papers. She  immediately went to pick up her wallet, only to  be told by Mall Security that they had not called her. By the time she returned home again, her house had been  broken into and burglarized. The thieves knew that by calling and saying  they were Mall Security, they could lure  her out of her house long enough for them to burglarize it

Moral lesson:

A. Do not disclose the relationship  between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names  like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad,  Mum, etc.

B. And very importantly, when  sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling  back.

C. Also, when you’re being texted by friends or family to meet  them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If  you don’t reach them, be very careful about going places to meet  “family and friends” who text  you.

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Fantasy

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Yeah … that one’s just because it’s cool …

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Chris writes and says …   I am confused

I DO NOT CONDONE RIOTING OR LOOTING OF ANY KIND BY ANYONE AND BOTH EVENTS NOTED BELOW DISGUST ME.

I am confused though…The news would lead me to believe…..

Rioting, looting and attacking and defacing federal buildings is ok for liberals and Black Lives Matter and they should be forgiven and not prosecuted.

                                     but

Rioting, looting and attacking and defacing federal buildings is not ok for conservatives and Trump supporters and is treasonous.

And the more I read and find out the more I learn that 99.9% of the Trump supporters were well behaved and some of them actually tried to stop the ANTFA mobs from breaking into the Capitol building.  But, for the ones who were NOT protesting properly … you were wrong.  Those of them who followed the people who broke in to the Capitol … YOU were wrong, even though you weren’t the ones who broke in.  And in the end … all played right into their hands.

And I am so disappointed and so overwhelmed … we need to just go back to the laughs.

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Friend:  What’s the most difficult part of being a parent?

Me:  Without a shadow of doubt, it’s the kids.

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I’d like to cancel my subscription to 2021.  I’ve experienced the free 7-day trial and I’m not interested.

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Motivate

Planking

wrestling midgets

wrong

wtd

WTF

WTF2

WTF3

WTF4

WTF5

WTF6

WTF7

WTF8

wtf9

WTF10

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Here’s an inspirational story from 09 December 2015

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Alex went to the DMV to renew his license. When he was told to go have his picture taken he noticed that there were some men having their picture taken, these men were wearing turbans on there heads. Alex was asked to take his hat off to have his picture taken. He said “no”, and “no” again when asked the second time. When he was asked why he would not remove his hat he said, “those men didn’t remove their head wear, I shouldn’t either”. It was explained that this was their attire and their religion. Alex told the DMV person that what he had on was his attire and when he entered the Marines he declared an oath to the USA, and one nation under God, so that his oath was under God so just as good as his religion. Well, the DMV people didn’t know what to do, they spoke to supervisors and called Sacramento. Alex was told, after an hour, that he could wear his hat for the picture and if there were any problems they would let him know and he could appeal their decision. He told them if there was a problem he WILL appeal it. Alex feels no one has more right to display their head gear then a Veteran or active service person. When he left several employees at the DMV clapped quietly for him. He has spoken to few other Veterans and they plan to do the same.

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There is a special place reserved for you in hell … and may you get there sooner rather than later.

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And around here we also call them …

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Doctor:  You’ve been diagnosed with an incredibly rare disease.

Me:  How rare?

Doctor:  What do you want to name it?

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And I’ve run out of time.  It’s now way past my bedtime and I do have things to do tomorrow, so I must end this here.  Good luck and God Bless you all until we meet again my friends.  Be good to each other and stay true.

Cheers,

Impish Dragon

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1847

  1. Leah D. says:

    By the way . . . have you noticed the difference in age of the BLM rioters (18-30) and the MAGA protestors (40-70) With age, comes Wisdom.

  2. Leah D says:

    We were discussing about the cop who died during the protests. The doctor said he died of a stroke. A rumor said he got hit in the head with a fie extinguisher. Then they said the coroner would have to decide in an autopsy. Really? I’m sure the doctor would have noticed a strange mark on his head,
    My husband just shook his head and said, “I have got to put this all behind me, or I’m going to have a stroke.”
    Sadly, that is all we can do at this time. (but I’m looking to see Ted Cruz elected in 4 years)

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