Dragon Laffs #1797


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Good Morning Campers,

So … we’re going to try this … not sure when it will be published.  Today is Thursday.  Finally found out that the funeral arrangements are going to be next Wednesday and Thursday and there is no way that I can stay away from you guys for that long.  So I am going to try to put a little bit of something down here and there and when there is enough for an issue, I’ll send it out. Not sure how that is going to work out, but  hey, we’ll see how it goes. 

The above picture is of a modified T-38 Talon.  I say modified because most T-38’s weren’t equipped with a centerline weapons pylon.  These were specially designed for the lead-in fighter training at Holloman AFB in New Mexico which happened to be my next stop and my next aircraft.  Slammed a lot of 25 lb. practice bombs in the desert there in New Mexico.  It was a special dispenser that could hold 6 practice bombs and 4 2.75 inch FFAR rockets.  OR you could put a little mini-gun pod on the centerline.  That was it. 

It was to teach the new pilots how to fly supersonic and how to drop bombs and shot guns while doing so.  As a weapons troop, we also launched jets in the morning and did all kinds of other jobs.  It was a pretty fun time.  It was also where I got to fly in a fighter jet, fly supersonic, actually fly the jet for a little bit, dog fight and do loops and stuff, way, way cool.  Like the world’s largest roller-coaster.  I also have the distinction of being the only maintenance guy (at least on that flight of five) who didn’t have to use a barf bag and because of that, my pilot had to buy the beer for the other guys.  He could not make me sick no matter how hard he tried … and he tried … boy did he try!  Great fun!

Now, what do you say we get some laughter going here?  I think we all could use some.

coollogo_com-166981397

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Stephanie posted this … I don’t think she was talking about her house …

Posted a photo of my clean house and it was flagged and removed as “Fake News.”

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A man goes into a bar in Biloxi:  “Can I have a Corona and two Hurricanes please?”

Bartender:  “That’ll be $20.20.”

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This one is from Aussie Peter and I’m almost positive it’s a true story …

I’ve just got back from holiday.  The hotel we stopped at was absolutely fantastic. 

The towels were so soft and fluffy.  I could hardly close my suitcase.

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Years from now we’re gonna be like 2018, 2019, 2021, 2022

“hey you missed …”

“NOPE!  We don’t talk about that one!”

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Financial Life Lesson

If something costs $1000, and it is on sale for $750, and then you decide to buy it, you did not save $250.

You spent $750!

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that
one of our problems was that we did not have a ‘large’ enough motor on the
opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears
made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, ‘Lady, you
need a 1/4 horsepower.’ I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said,
‘NO, it’s not.’ Four is larger than two..’

We haven’t used Sears repair since.

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IDIOT SIGHTING:

   My daughter and I went through the McDonald ‘s take-out window and I
gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a
quarter. She said, ‘you gave me too much money.’ I said, ‘Yes I know, but
this way you can just give me a dollar bill back.’  She sighed and went to
get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed
me back the quarter, and said ‘We’re sorry but they could not do that kind
of thing.’ The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in
change..

Do not confuse the clerks at McD’s.

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I swear there’s more of them out there than just this guy!

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IDIOT SIGHTING :

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local
township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING
sign on our road. The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here!
I don’t think this is a good place for  them to be crossing anymore.’

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IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE :


My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the
person behind the counter for ‘minimal lettuce.’ He said he was sorry, but
they=only had iceberg lettuce

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IDIOT SIGHTING :

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, ‘Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?’ To
which I replied, ‘If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?’ He
smiled knowingly and nodded,  ‘That’s why we ask.’

Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

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And the amazing part … a lot of the kids won’t even get the reference …

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IDIOT SIGHTING :


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it’s safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked
if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people
when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, ‘What on earth are blind
people doing driving?!’

She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS

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IDIOT SIGHTING

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.  We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side
door.  As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door
handle and discovered that it was unlocked.  ‘Hey,’ I announced to the
technician, ‘its open!’  His reply, ‘I know.  I already got that side.’

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS

Thanks to Sasquatch for all those idiot sightings and like he reminds us … STAY ALERT!  They walk among us, they vote AND they reproduce!

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I hate it when people can’t let go of the past.

Debt collectors are the worst.

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Did You Know:  (No I did Not) (You’re going to start this shit again, aren’t you?) (Just trying to play along) The Snickers bar, was introduced in 1930 and was named after the Mars Family’s favorite horse.  (The candy bar is named after a horse?) (Yup!) (I did not know that) (Go figure)

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Fake News

The MSN was reporting over and over that no one was wearing masks in Sturgis during the bike rally.  Once again, fake news.

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I spent last night defrosting the fridge, or foreplay as she likes to call it.

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People who confuse the words “burro” and “burrow” don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.

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Well, it’s now Saturday morning and spent the whole day yesterday doing funeral arrangement stuff.  Left the house at 8 am, didn’t get home until after 8 pm.  Nothing but tears and craziness all day long.  And today, I have to call the vet to make an appointment because the tumor is back on our dogs belly and we’re pretty sure we’re going to have to let her go this time.  She’s 14 years old and not only can’t we afford the surgery, we really don’t think she can stand up to it for a third time.  And that will just destroy Mrs. Dragon right now.  I don’t think she’s in any pain and I say we just let her go and live out the rest of her time in love with us, but Mrs. Dragon thinks it might be kinder to put her down.  So, I get to call the vet and make an appointment and see if I can’t squeeze that in somewhere this week, too.

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Have you ever noticed …

That people won’t take the time to look up important information, but will spend fifteen minutes taking a quiz to find out what kind of potato they are?

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“What’s the worst that could happen?” is no longer a rhetorical question, it is now a challenge to the universe.

Ain’t that the truth.

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Steph, you’re right, he does look a bit like Mel Brooks.

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This one was sent in by Justin and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Justin likes to fish …

20 Reasons why Fishing is BETTER Then Sex

#20 – No matter how much whiskey you’ve had, you can still Fish.

#19 – A limp rod is still useful while Fishing.

#18 – You don’t have to hide your Fishing magazines.

#17 – It is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to Fish with you once in a while.

#16 – The Ten Commandments don’t say anything against Fishing.

#15 – If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you Fishing you don’t have to worry about them showing up on the Internet if you become famous.

#14 – Your Fishing partner doesn’t get upset about people you Fished with long ago.

#13 – It’s perfectly respectable to Fish with a total stranger.

#12 – When you see a really good Fishing person, you don’t have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you Fishing together.

#11 – If your regular Fishing partner isn’t available, he/she won’t object if you Fish with someone else.

#10 – Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you Fish by yourself.

#9 – When dealing with a Fishing pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.

#8 – You don’t have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy Fishing stuff.

#7 – You can have a Fishing calendar on your wall at the office, tell Fishing jokes, and invite coworkers to Fish with you without getting sued for Fishing harassment.

#6 – There are no Fishing-transmitted diseases.

#5 – If you want to watch Fishing on television, you don’t have to subscribe to the Playboy channel.

#4 – Nobody expects you to Fish with the same partner for the rest of your life.

#3 – Nobody expects you to give up Fishing if your partner loses interest in it.

#2 – You don’t have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily to enjoy your favorite activity.

#1 – Your Fishing partner will never say, “Not again? We just Fished last week – Is Fishing all You ever think about!”

I could be wrong.  Justin may have just found these funny … like I did, but he may be a fishing guy.

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As funny as this looks, I’ve been there when the fire suppression system goes off in a hanger accidently and the thing fills up with foam … it looks funny as hell, but WHAT A MESS!!!

Okay, here’s another one from Justin … an oldie  but goodie.

Girls Night Out

Two women friends had gone for a girls ‘night out.

Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women’s husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said: ‘These girl nights have got to stop! I’m starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!’

‘That’s nothing’ said the other husband, ‘Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said…..

‘From all of us at the Fire Station.
We’ll never forget you.”

Yeah, I could see as how that would be problematic. 

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The perfect analogy in picture form, of 2020.  In case you can’t figure it out, that’s a bee’s nest right over top of the gas cap.

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motivational wooden sign

 

Let’s do some of these now, shall we?

I think it’s about that time…

And besides, they are one of my favorite parts of the show!

 

Showing Off

Si Vis

Silence

simplicity

simpsons

Sissyness

Size

Skateboard

skeptical

Ski Lit

Skill Checks

Skill Demolitions

Skittles

Slacking Off

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Okay, this really cracked me up!  Sent to me by Leah!  And this is just as I got it:

We got a notice from Don’s Union, they had paid on a medical bill for a year ago!

We looked to see what it was for . . . .

Look to the left under Description of Services.

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He’s not going to the doctor alone ever again!

 

The real problem that I see, Leah, is that … if my math is right, after the insurance paid out, you paid out of pocket $17.38 for that Cock-Up.

I’m sorry …. I couldn’t help myself.

 

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Seeing how some people wear their masks, I now understand how contraceptives fail.

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I danced like no one was watching, but someone was watching and he thought I was having a seizure, and called an ambulance.

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Why is Colin Kaepernick allowed to

have an opinion, but

Drew Brees and Tim Tebow

are not?

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This one is from Stephanie and all I can say is … DAMN!

What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
 

Please send all the hate mail to ….

LOL!

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I remember … but I’m old …

Actual Excerpts From Student Science Exam Papers”
1. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
2. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
3. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
4. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
5. Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
6. Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
7. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you’re talking about.
8. A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
9. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
10. The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
11. When you smell an odourless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
12. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
13. Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
14. Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
15. When you haven’t got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
16. It is a well-known fact that a deceased mind harms the body. (Just look around at some co-workers and you’ll find proof!–Aiken)
17. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
18. For nosebleed: put the nose much lower than the body.

Thanks Stephanie … and I believe I’ve met each and every one of those people.

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My kind of bird!  Don’t let the man tell you what to do!

A man accused of theft was appearing before the Judge.
“Your Honor,” his lawyer said, “I feel it is very unfair for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in this city only a few days ago and barely knows his way around. What’s more, he is only able to speak a few words of English.”
The Judge looked sternly at the defendant and asked, “How much English do you speak?”
The defendant looked up and replied, “Give me your wallet!”

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Wow!  Now ain’t that cold blooded!

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Ummm …. ?  No, never mind …. Let’s watch and see what happens.

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I do kinda like the idea of the hourglass.  And it’s relatively inexpensive.  … Maybe I’ll bring it up to Mrs. Dragon.  Not now, mind you, but at another time.

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I was up really late last night making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind.  You’ll know how you are soon enough!!

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(Driving Test)

Instructor:  Turn the car on

Me:  Umm Ok  [rubbing the dash board] You like that?  Yeah you do, you filthy who-

Instructor:  Okay, we’re done here.

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And I think that’s an awesome place to stop.  I’ve got to go out and do some lawn work, so … that’s it until next time my dear friends.  Love and happiness to you all.  Thank you all for all your support.

Cheers.

Impish Dragon

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1797

  1. Ste8 says:

    Love and prayers continue for you and the Mrs.
    I do like the hourglass and the album.

  2. Leah D. says:

    Sorry you have to make such a difficult decision about your dog. Mine keeps coming to my bedroom to sleep. I ask her if she is in pain, but she doesn’t want to talk about it.
    Maybe she’s afraid we will have her put down, and she isn’t ready yet.
    It would be nice if humans had the same option, to go out peacefully when we get into a bad state.

    • Stephanie says:

      To some degree we can choose to go out peacefully. It’s called a living will and you can state exactly what you want done in case of ?????. Used to be family could change the options once you were no longer able to make any decisions, but I understand that it now stands as written. Also it’s good to let family know what you want, just in case.

  3. Dave says:

    The kid at looking at the 2 monitors while mom watches him with a stick, is watching his computer defragment the hard drive. It can take hours.

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