Good Morning Campers,
Playing Darts tonight … Thursday … so trying to put together a fast issue to make you guys laugh, give you guys a giggle and make me not feel guilty for not speaking to you for a few days.
Man, I miss you guys SO MUCH!!!!!!
So, let’s laugh!
I’m at that age where my mind still thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, while my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.
Chicago and NYC saw a wave of violence over Father’s Day weekend.
I don’t know if this next is true or not, but when I read to Mrs. Dragon all she did was laugh maniacally … so … there’s that …
Women don’t want to look like Bond girls. Women want to look like spectral figures coming out of the fog with their pack of wolves, leaves and feathers twisted in their hair, moss growing on their clothes, destructive magic pulsing at their fingertips.
Did You Know: (Nope. I didn’t know that.) (I haven’t said anything yet) (Oh, sorry, proceed) (I’m not sure I want to, now …) (Okay, what’s next?) (Sigh) Although he created more than 900 paintings, Van Gogh sold only one during his life time. (Nope. I didn’t know that.) (Oh, shut up.)
Yeah, don’t you forget it!
After sex last night, my girlfriend snuggled up next to me and said, “You know, you are by far the biggest I’ve ever had.”
Apparently, “Ditto” is not the polite response.
This has GOT to be my next T-Shirt!!!
Thanks to Bill E. for this simple explanation of static electricity made especially for the guys in the audience …
Just the other day a friend and I were walking through the Pro shop at a local golf course when he touched the door knob and got shocked by static electricity.
He turns to me and says,” Damn, I wish someone would explain that damned static electricity to me.”
(So I did: and here is my explanation – especially for my non-engineering friends .. .. .)
Static electricity is an imbalance of electric charges within or on the surface of a material. The charge remains until it is able to move away by means of an electric current or electrical discharge. For modeling the effect of static discharge on sensitive electronic devices, a human being is represented as a capacitor of 100 Pico farads, charged to a voltage of 4,000 to 35,000 volts. When the human touches an object, this energy is discharged in less than a microsecond:
Are you still having a little trouble understanding this? If so, the next photo may help.
Thanks Bill, that helped a GREAT deal.
Breaking News: School drops Cougars as team name because it might offend older women.
Yeah, probably gonna want this shirt, too.
I’m not sure I could go to the bathroom here without laughing my fool head off!
“Are you free tomorrow?”
“No, I’m expensive every day.”
Go to the animal shelter for a dog and you’re a saint … go to the women’s shelter for a new girlfriend and everyone loses their mind.
I don’t know who he is, but I love this guy! And you know he got caught, or we wouldn’t be hearing about it, but I still love this guy!
Tonight I’m gonna have possum soup made from Himalayan possum, because I found Himalayan on the road.
I watched my first porno the other day …
… I looked so young the other day.
I feel so sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up their own food if they drop it on the floor.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous.
Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
So, looking back, I wasn’t able to send this out yesterday like I wanted … just not enough time in the day … my apologies. So, you’ll get this on Saturday now. And I’m sad because of it.
Busy week, trying to get ready for the weekend, of which I’m teaching on Saturday. Sigh.
I got this from Pat C.
It’s only been 5 days and I’m having withdrawal pains already. Had to go back and re-read old issues! You spoiled everyone!
My reply was, “I know. I’m so sorry!”
The more painful alternative
There’s something about the glasses …
Yes … yes they do.
Did You Know: … (Nothing to say?) … (No snide opening remarks?) … (I’m just waiting, go on) (I don’t know if I can do it now) ahem … In 1897, the state of Indiana nearly passed a bill that would have redefined the value of Pi as 3.2. … (oh geez, even I can’t put up with that one) (See? And you thought it was just me!)
(Indiana …) (I know, right? And I live here!)
My brain says, “Let’s do something exciting today.”
My body says, “Don’t listen to that fool.”
Okay, that’s it … I gotta get some sleep. More tomorrow either before work, after work or both … probably both … hopefully both … better be both.
Love you guys.