Dragon Laffs #1683 Can we all just take a breath


Conceptual illustration of the coronavirus as if it were observed from a microscope. Recently it was discovered in china and its outbreak is feared by the authorities.

Good Morning Campers,

And it is a good morning.  I know, to an awful lot of you, it may not seem that way.  I know a lot of you are scared, but can we all just take a minute, take a breath and think about things.

First of all, I’m not a doctor, although I do have some medical training.  I’m not a microbiologist, although I have training in that field as well.  What I am is a military CBRN Survival Instructor, an Emergency Manager, and this is what I do for a living.  CBRN is Chemical, Biological, Radiological, and Nuclear and in an nutshell I teach military members how to stay alive in really crappy environments and what a civilian Emergency Manager does in the civilian community, I do in the military world.

Now…everyone…grab a cup of coffee and sit down, we have some stuff to talk about.  First of all, should we be concerned? 
Yes.
Should we be worried?
Depending on your circumstances, maybe somewhat.
Should we be panicking in the streets and buying up all the water and toilet paper?
Of course not!

The coronavirus or COVID-19 is a virus, like the flu, and like the flu it is going to affect those among us with weaker immune systems.  The elderly (they say those of us over 60 and that REALLY pissed me off to find out that I was now considered elderly, why I oughta kick your punk ass!!!) and those with compromised immune systems due to underlying problems especially those involving the lungs or breathing.  It is easily transmitted by coughing, sneezing, or touching the sputum of someone who has coughed or sneezed.  People can be carriers and not know they have it or have such very slight symptoms they don’t know they have it, especially kids who don’t seem to be as affected as with the flu.

So, now the question becomes, what can you do?  Well, it’s actually pretty easy.  First and foremost, and what seems to be the hardest for the largest amount of people, most of whom seem to be democrats … and I say that because they all seem so intent on politicizing this whole thing … the number one most important thing is

DON’T BE A DUMB-ASS!!!!

STOP PERPETUATING THE MADNESS!!!!

If it is transmitted by being sneezed or coughed on, don’t be in a place where you can be sneezed or coughed on!  In other words, if you don’t have to be out, DON’T BE OUT.  Stay home.  Telework if you can.  Talk to your boss about it.  Don’t go to the bar, to the movies, to church (I know how hard that last one will be for some of you and I understand), to concerts … STAY HOME.

Secondly, if you feel sick…DON’T GO OUT!  Don’t go to work.  I don’t care if you don’t have any sick time, if your boss tells you otherwise, if you can’t afford it, or any other excuse.  It will work out in the end.

Be unsociable, stay home, keep your family home.  There are some trips you will have to take, make them as quick as you can.  Don’t shake hands.  Wash your hands… A LOT!!!

Schools are closing…that’s a good thing.  Sports events are being canceled, that’s a good thing.  A virus needs a host.  If it doesn’t have one, it will die off. 

If you have a job where you don’t come into contact with a bunch of people all day, then use your best judgment.  The idea is that you should limit contact with other people as much as you can, if you feel sick stay home.  If you have flu like symptoms, and a fever, call your doctor and follow his/her instructions.  If you fit the profile, they may have you go to a particular location to get tested.  Some states it’s the health department, so it’s the local hospital.

But most of all…don’t panic!  Don’t freak out!  Don’t perpetuate the madness!

Okay, that’s it for now….I’m sure I’ll think of more later.  It’s 2 pm on Friday, it’s the first minute I’ve had to myself all week…hell, for the past two or three weeks, I’ve lost track, so I want to put some laughter out there for you guys before I run out of time.  So, let’s do this!

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There were two Catholic boys, Timothy Murphy and Antonio Secola whose lives paralleled each other in amazing ways. In the same year Timothy was born in Ireland, Antonio was born in Italy. Faithfully, they attended parochial school from kindergarten through their senior year in high school. They took their vows to enter the priesthood early in college and upon graduation became priests. Their careers had come to amaze the world, but it was generally acknowledged that Antonio was just a cut above Timothy in all respects. Their rise through the ranks of Bishop, Archbishop and finally Cardinal was meteoric to say the least, and the Catholic world knew that when the present Pope died, it would be either Timothy or Antonio who would become the next Pope.

In time the Pope did die, and the College of Cardinals went to work. In less time than anyone had expected, smoke rose from the chimney, and the world waited to see who they had chosen. The world, Catholic, Protestant, and secular was surprised to learn that Timothy Murphy had been elected Pope! Antonio was beyond surprise, he was devastated, because even with all Timothy’s gifts, Antonio knew he was the better qualified. With gall that shocked the Cardinals, Antonio asked for a private session with them in which he candidly asked, “Why Timothy”?

After a long silence, one old Cardinal took pity on the bewildered Antonio and rose to reply, “We knew you were the better of the two, but we just could not bear the thought of the leader of the Roman Catholic Church being called `Pope Secola’.”

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I got so drunk last night, I walked across the dance floor to get another drink and won the dance contest.

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And stay home!

Just got an update from our county nurse and health department… Shows what our county is doing and what their recommendations are:

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And I’ve been getting stuff like this a lot, also.  Not horrible information and worth reading, but a little over the top …. I’ll add my comments in as we go through it.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT – CORONAVIRUS

Last evening dining out with friends, one of their uncles, who’s graduated with a master’s degree and who worked in Shenzhen Hospital (Guangdong Province, China) sent him the following notes on Coronavirus for guidance:

1. If you have a runny nose and sputum, you have a common cold


2. Coronavirus pneumonia is a dry cough with no runny nose.  (Not necessarily true)


3. This new virus is not heat-resistant and will be killed by a temperature of just 26/27 degrees. It hates the Sun.


4. If someone sneezes with it, it takes about 10 feet before it drops to the ground and is no longer airborne.


5. If it drops on a metal surface it will live for at least 12 hours – so if you come into contact with any metal surface – wash your hands as soon as you can with a bacterial soap.  (Again, not necessarily true.  It has more to do with temperature and environment rather than just on whether it’s a metal surface)


6. On fabric it can survive for 6-12 hours. Normal laundry detergent will kill it. (See the answer to #5.)


7. Drinking warm water is effective for all viruses. Try not to drink liquids with ice.


8. Wash your hands frequently as the virus can only live on your hands for 5-10 minutes, but – a lot can happen during that time – you can rub your eyes, pick your nose unwittingly and so on.


9. You should also gargle as a prevention. A simple solution of salt in warm water will suffice.

10 Can’t emphasize enough – drink plenty of water! (Hydrate, Hydrate, Hydrate)


THE SYMPTOMS

1. It will first infect the throat, so you’ll have a sore throat lasting 3/4 days


2. The virus then blends into a nasal fluid that enters the trachea and then the lungs, causing pneumonia. This takes about 5/6 days further.


3. With the pneumonia comes high fever and difficulty in breathing.


4. The nasal congestion is not like the normal kind. You feel like you’re drowning. It’s imperative you then seek immediate attention.

SPREAD THE WORD – PLEASE SHARE.

And I have gotten stuff like that from different places all over the world.  That one was from Lynn and it was a good one.  Thanks Lynn.

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Creativity is intelligence having fun. ~ Albert Einstein

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And here’s another one with really good advice:

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Stuck in line at Walmart.  I coughed and said, “This cough has gotten worse since I got back from China!”  Boom!  No line.

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Remember to double check lawn signs during the election primaries.  I almost voted for a real estate agent.

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I need a new friend.

The last one escaped.

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The Coronavirus can be spread through money.  If you have any money at home, put on some gloves, put all your money in a plastic bag, and put it outside your front door tonight.  I’ll be collecting all the plastic bags for your safety. 
Think of your health.
I just want you to be well.  God bless you.

The World Health Organization said that the virus won’t spread through any brown coins so you can hold on to those.

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A lot of you aren’t going to get that one.

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Them: What inspires you to get out of bed every morning?

Me: My bladder mostly.

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I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink.

Turns out it was the refrigerator.

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There are two ways of arguing with a woman.

Neither one works.

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My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last.  Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.  She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

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Exercise makes you look better naked.

So does alcohol

… your choice.

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If you don’t swear while driving –

You aren’t paying enough attention to the road.

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If the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything:

Stamps = Lickie Stickie
Defibrillators = Hearty Starty
Bumble Bees = Fuzzy Buzzy
Pregnancy Tests = Maybe Baby
Bra = Breastie Nestie
Fork = Stabby Grabby
Socks = Feetie Heatie
Hippo = Floatie Bloatie
Nightmare = Screamy Dreamy

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Question: If you mixed Vodka with orange juice and Milk of Magnesia, would you get a Phillips Screwdriver?

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Billion Dollar Idea: A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell, “I’m just cooking, here!”

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Birthday Cake

Birthday Presents

bitch please

bitch slap

Bitch

black friday

Black People

Blackout

Blade

blame

Blasphemy

Blind Date

Blogging

Blonde

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Think about it….

It’s so hard being a drunk teenager when you’re in your 40’s …. or in my case your 60s.

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Sorry boss…you can either expect me to work well with others or pass a drug test.  It can’t be both.

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And that’s it my friends.  I have to go.  I just got called back into work.

Love to you all.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1683 Can we all just take a breath

  1. Scott H says:

    Nice job this week.Thanks for getting it out. We know you have a lot on your plate. With that in mind, if you need any help picking up those bags of money, Just shoot me an email. I will be happy to help.

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