Good Morning Campers,

So, after the hell last week of working killer shifts all weekend and the exercise and everything else, and Monday I finally got back to my own office and I walked in the door and my office was 55 F degrees!  And the F stands for Friggin’!

The worst part is that I work for Civil Engineering!  The guys that fix the heat for the whole base!  What the hell is up with that!  I mean, really!

And then, on Wednesday, I’m in this new Supervisors class, one day a week, I have an online seminar (a webinar) that lasts an hour and a half.  Now, keep that in mind, as I give you this little tidbit.  I’d be willing to bet, that the United States Air Force is the most technologically advanced military service in the world.  Okay, now back to the story, so I have to sign in to Adobe Connect to view and participate in this webinar.  I have four different ways to do that from my technologically advanced laptop at work.

None of them worked.

Three different web browsers and a program.

None

Of

Them

Worked!!!!!

So I grab my personal iPad, with crappy telephone connection, download an app, and within three minutes I was in the webinar…on my personal iPad….advanced technology my ass!

So with that little update, what do you say we start up the laffs!

I know a couple of people who could have done this.

I’m not saying Mississippi weather is crazy, but I just watched a mosquito, wearing a sweater, snort a line of pollen off the hood of my car.

I probably know this guy, too.

Last night, my neighbor came home drunk and banged on his own door for like five minutes.  The problem is, he lives alone.

So, I went outside and told him he wasn’t there and he left.

People need to understand the difference between want and need.  For example:

I want ABS,
But I need PIZZA.

Wife: “Don’t just assume that when I’m angry, I’m on my period.  Otherwise, when you’re sleeping, I’ll just “assume” you’re dead and bury you in my backyard.

The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives hope to many people.

Bread is like the sun…it rises in the yeast and sets in the waist

I was sitting in my truck at Walmart watching this guy who apparently forgot where he parked.  He kept putting his remote in the air and every time he squeezed it … I honked my horn.

Join the 3 days challenge!
”NO ALCOHOL”
Feb 29, 30, & 31

Income tax: the fine you pay for being productive

Welfare: the reward you get for being unproductive

Only Italians understand that, “How you doin’?” is just a greeting, not a question.  Nobody really gives a shit how you’re doing.

Can one survive on Girl Scout Cookies?

(Asking for a friend)

“When you stick it in my mouth, do you want me to look in your eyes?”

“Ma’am, just blow in the breathalyzer, please.”

So, today is Friday, and I was expecting a ton of snow.  The weather people promised me a ton of snow, the weather guy at work promised me a ton of snow, and did I get a ton of snow?

No!

Now I’m hugely disappointed.

You don’t like dragons when they are disappointed.

I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile – Then you walk in to a pole.

Hey!  Don’t forget Saturday night/Sunday morning it’s time to change your clocks.  At one am, like magic, it suddenly becomes two am.

Okay, that’s all the reminder you’re going to get.

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money.

We have a Booker, a Hooker, and an Indian running for President.  We are one Cowboy short of the Village People.

Dear Diet,
Things just aren’t going to work out between us.  It’s not me, it’s you.  You are tasteless, boring and I can’t stop cheating on you.

Laughing is the best medicine.  But, if you’re laughing for no reason, you may need medicine.

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years-old and had just recovered from an accident.

Someone had given me a little “tea set” as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.  Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of “tea”, which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy team, my Mom came home.

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was “just the cutest thing!”

My Mom waited, and sure enough, I walked down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watched him drink it up.

The she says, (as only a mother would know…), “Did it ever occur to you that the only place that your daughter can reach to get water is the toilet?”

It just wouldn’t be an issue without some of these…

And that’s it for today my friends.

Until next week.

Cheers!

Impish Dragon