Good Morning Campers,
So…yeah…all of that happened.
And it hasn’t been easy. But, as my friend Erin says, “That’s pretty normal.” Yup, that’s me….pretty normal.
Not friggin’ likely!
In this, yeah.
And I have to tell you all that I am so very grateful to all of you for the outpouring of love that I received. It made all the difference in the world. I’m not sure I’d even be as well off as I’m am…or not…without you guys. Thank you all so very much.
One thing being off line has caused me though is…glancing over at my inbox, I have 1579 unread emails! Holy crap! So, it’s gonna take me a little while to get through those! But, that’s also okay. It means lots of laughs for you guys.
We missed a special day this last week! Tuesday was Momma Diaman’s Birthday!!! Happy (Belated) Birthday, Mom!
Hope you had a great day!
Okay…….next, let get to some of those laffs that we ALL need right now!
The preacher was preaching with all his might. The subject was SIN, and he was most certainly ‘against’ sin.
A girl, with a wonderful figure, and not nearly enough clothes to hide much skin, came in late. She strode down the center aisle, close to the front, and sat down.
It was plain to the preacher that he had lost the men in his audience to this voluptuous sex-object.
He shook a fist at her and said, “You are the Jezebel the good book tells us about. You have got the mind of every man in this building on evil thoughts and not good thoughts. But I am a man of God! You don’t affect me, and right now up in Heaven, you fallen woman. Saint Finger is shaking his Peter at you!!”
Tryouts for the U.S. Olympic women’s marathon swim team were to be held.. The first was in California; a swim from Santa Monica to Catalina Island doing only the breaststroke.
Three women signed up for the tryouts: a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde.
The race started, and after approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the winner. About 40 minutes later, the Redhead crawled ashore and was declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete this regulation breaststroke race, she replied, “I don’t want to sound like I’m a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms.”
I can drive a woman wild with my tongue!
It’s pretty easy…
All you do is say, “Have you put on weight?”
The next thing we need to talk about is this past Thursday was Valentine’s Day! And since you guys are all my favorite Valentines…
And now…because of course, we can’t just leave it at that…
Okay…and back to our regularly scheduled program…
Bob’s wife, Mary, and Bob started a diet a week ago.
Mary suggested that they should have a cheat day, today.
Mary brought home McDonald’s burgers, KFC wings, and Bob brought home his secretary.
From his hospital bed, Bob is now wondering when men will ever begin to understand women.
No similarity between Mr. and Mrs. Dragon is suggested or implied.
Once again, no similarity between Mr. or Mrs. Dragon is suggested or implied.
Okay, this next one is horrible and I apologize immensely….but I just couldn’t help myself.
A girl sneezed in the pub and her glass eye flew out and landed in my hand. I took it back to her and we got chatting.
After a few beers, I took her home and shagged her.
Wondering if she was a bit of a slapper, I asked her, “Do you shag everyone on a first date?”
She said, “No, only those that catch my eye…”
So, like I said…sorry.
I was in psychology class yesterday…
and we couldn’t stop laughing about how stupid Pavlov’s dogs were. Then the bell rang and we all had lunch.
Hey! How about a bunch of animal funnies? What was it we called those?????
My doctor asked me if I ever had a stress test? “Yes,” I replied. “It’s called life.”
I’m putting myself in a ‘time out’ until I’m able to play nice with others…This could take a while!
Didn’t I just do that yesterday?
Three surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon said, “Electricians are the best. Everything inside is color coded.”
The second surgeon says, “No. I think librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”
The third surgeon shut them both up when he said, “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, no brain, and no spine. Plus the head and the ass are interchangeable!”
I’m so offended when my body decides to be sick!
I gave you a vegetable last week! How dare you!
Okay, we’ll do some motivationals and call it an issue.
Not sure ingenuity is the word I’d use…
My uncle just texted me asking what does IDK mean.
I said I don’t know…
He said damn! Nobody does!
Being kissed while you’re asleep is one of the most purest forms of love…
Unless you are in prison.
That’s it dear friends. I hope you enjoyed and until we meet again.
Rest in Peace my dear ones.