Dragon Laffs #1638


Header1589

I’m sorry.  Ran out of time this week, so no witty opening and just a short issue today.

4974

Hey!  Wait a damn minute!

While I was out shopping today I tripped in the store.  A woman saw this and wouldn’t stop staring so I smiled at her and said, “Sorry, but it’s been a while since I possessed a body.”  She looked horrified.

4975

I’m not sure if you’ll be able to read this, you might try copying it and enlarging it, but it is a GREAT essay!  All parents should pay attention.

6

4976

I heard this on the radio the other day and had to share:

10 Foods that make us the happiest:
Chocolate
Pizza
Fried Foods
Steak
Burgers
Spicy Foods
Ice Cream
Brownies
Cheese
Pasta

Of course…in no particular order.

7

I had an interesting New Year’s Eve.  I went line dancing that night…well, it was a roadside sobriety test … same thing.

6a

4977

I have CDO.  It’s like OCD but the letters are in alphabetical order, as they should be!

6b

4978

Walmart is closing 269 stores in 2019 putting 14 cashiers out of work.

6c

4979

Life should be more like hockey.  When someone pisses you off, you just beat the shit out of them and then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.

6d

4980

To everyone that received a book from me for Christmas, they’re due back at the library next Friday.

Thank you.

6e

4981

I don’t understand why people say hurtful things like “Want to go for a run?” Or “Try this kale.”

4982

I’m not self-medicating with chocolate.  The lady at the shop wrote me a prescription… well, she called it a receipt.  Whatever.

4983

I replaced my litter box with a FedX box, now when it’s full, I just tape it shut and put it on my porch for someone to steal.

4984

When I dunk my cookies in milk I think of you.

And hold them under until the bubbles stop.

4985

If you weight 200 pounds on Earth, you’ll only be 76 pounds on Mars.

You’re not overweight, you’re just on the wrong planet.

4986

Let’s do some Motivationals!!!!!!!!

Purpose

push button

Pussy Whipped

pyramids

Question

Quiet Time

Racism

Rage Punch31 (2)

Random Encounter

I’m not sure about an inner child, but I have an inner idiot that surfaces every now and then and causes lots and lots of problems.

4987

My chemistry tutor at school asked my class to write 1000 words on acid.  Unfortunately, I was unable to complete the assignment as my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

4988

Something to ponder…

The United States has become a place where entertainers and professional athletes are mistaken for people of importance…

I’ve needed a Doctor.

I’ve needed a Teacher.

I NEED farmers every day.

I have NEEDED an auto mechanic, a plumber, a house painter, and a lot of other everyday people.

But I have NEVER, not even ONCE, NEVER NEEDED a pro athlete, a media personality, or a Hollywood entertainer for ANYTHING!

And I most especially have NEVER NEEDED their FUCKING OPINION on ANYTHING!

4989

Finally, a good Trump joke.

The President is walking out of the White House and heading towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims a gun.

A secret service agent, new on the job, shouts, “Mickey Mouse!”  This startles the would be assassin and he is captured.

Later, the secret service agent’s supervisor takes him aside and asks, “What in the hell made you shout, ‘Mickey Mouse’?”

Blushing, the agent replies, “I got nervous.  I meant to shout… ‘Donald, duck’!”

4990

A farmer drove to a neighbor’s farmhouse and knocked at the door.

A boy, about 9, opened the door.

“Is your dad or mom home?” said the farmer.

“No, they went to town.”

“How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?”

“No, he went with Mom and Dad.”

The farmer stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, mumbling to himself, when the young boy says, “I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give Dad a message.”

“Well,” said the farmer uncomfortably, “No, I really want to talk to your Dad, about your brother Howard getting my daughter Suzy pregnant!”.

The boy thought for a moment, then said, “You’ll have to talk to my Dad about that. I know he charges $50 for the bulls and $15 for the pigs, but I have no idea how much he charges for Howard.”

4991

That’s it my friends.  Until next week.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1638

  1. maggie says:

    Great issue,,, loved it

    Maggie

  2. Joe says:

    as always THANK YOU for your service and the great laughs you give us!! very true…it was a good trump joke!

  3. Ginny. says:

    Happy New Year and first issue for 2019 is GREAT! Some very funny lines and thoughts to think
    and laugh about. With everything so crazy in government and all over we sure do appreciate your
    weekly efforts.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s