Good Morning Campers,
Well, this isn’t really an update like the header suggests, but I just love the picture of me buried in bills…well…I don’t really love it, but it’s quite appropriate for what we are going through right now.
I want to open right up with thanking those of you who have stepped up to help us out. It is incredible how fast the troops rallied. After publishing the issue last night (Yes, today is Saturday, the same day you are reading last weeks issue, I’ve started this weeks issue) anyway, after publishing last week’s issue and going to bed, by the time I got up the next morning we had already received 7 donations.
So thanks to: Henry S., Ginny, John S., K2, Gail B., Leah H., and Steven H. You guys are absolutely awesome! Thank you.
As I write this issue through out the week, I hope to be adding to the names of people who’ve donated and welcome them in to the Patron’s Club with all the benefits and rights thereof.
Now, on with the show!
Mrs. Dragon has started me on this diet program and I have to say, it works really well. She’s mad at me right now because I keep sending Izzy Dragon’s friends into the kitchen and asking them to bring me out the piece of cake that’s on the kitchen table. I mean, I am still recovering from surgery, after all.
Paychecks and weekends have a lot in common…they are both short and don’t last long enough.
What a fantastic prank!
Well, I guess you’re going to have to click on the video above and go to YouTube to watch it. That sucks!
Now, that’s a great shot!
“Yeah, it sounded like a dragon.”
“Yeah, I thought so, too. Where could he be?”
“Ahem….excuse me, folks…”
LOL, Looney Toons Cartoons!
Sing these lyrics to “These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things.”
Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up with strings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillac’s and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin’,
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin’,
And we won’t mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I’ve had,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
Well, it’s now Wednesday so here’s a new sponsor listing for the upcoming year:
Henry S., Ginny, John S., K2, Gail B., Leah H., Steven H., Wheats, Philip S., Garth B., Chuck G., Joe P., and Diaman (Thanks Mom!)
Lucky 13…13 Original Sponsors…Yeah, I’m not liking 13. Come on with the rest of you, this year it’s really important! There are a lot of things going on in the background that we’ve not shared with you, but it is very important to keep this blog going, so give a little, give till it hurts, give what you can.
Here’s how: Go up to the top of the page and on the right hand column, you’ll see the column that I have reproduced on the right here. Just go down to where it says: Donate to keep us free, click on the link and follow the instructions. It goes through PayPal because that’s the easiest way we’ve found to take your money from you, I mean, um… accept your kind donation. I can’t imagine that there’s anyone out there who isn’t familiar with PayPal, but just in case, you don’t have to have a PayPal account, you can use a bank account, credit card, debit card or your own PayPal account.
If you’d like to send a check through snail mail, send an email to: firstname.lastname@example.org and I can give you my home address off line.
Okay, so enough with the begging for money, let’s get on with the show.
Now that’s a case of not letting life get you down.
The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate.
The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France’s white flag factory, effectively disabling their military.
So, it’s just a cool picture, that’s all.
French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris – The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney The decision comes the day after the nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists in army surplus camo pants
I found this quite interesting. It’s from Jeff Reagan’s Daily Health Newsletter for Conservatives. Now, don’t ask me how I got it, I have no idea how half the shit in my inbox shows up. But this was interesting.
I travel a fair amount for work.
That involves airplanes. A lot of airplanes.
And recently I found myself sitting there, with no book, no movies… no nothing. (See, that was your first mistake. Kindle. My Kindle is a God-Send. I ALWAYS have a book to read!) (And while we’re on the subject, I also have a few wonderful people who keep me supplied in electronic books. The first is Lethal Leprechaun and the second is K2. Thanks guys!)
The guy next to me was sleeping. (Fortunately he wasn’t using me as a headrest.)
That left me alone with my thoughts.
Looking for something to do, I went to the bathroom. Inside, I noticed something strange. Right below the “no smoking” sign… an ashtray.
Immediately I started wondering if the plane I was on was super old. I mean, airlines started banning smoking in the 80s, and since 2000, even international flights don’t allow it.
So why was there an ashtray?
The flight attendant gave me a shrug. My fellow passengers had no idea either.
A little research gave me the answer. The bottom line is it’s an FAA requirement.
Because the government doesn’t trust you to follow directions. And if you do light up, you’re going to need a safe place to stub it out. (The important line there is, “Because the government doesn’t trust you.” But, as I gaze around me at the Entitlement Lemmings wandering around the country, I can’t say as I really blame them all that much)
Apparently, people still do smoke on airplanes on occasion, even though you’re obviously not supposed to. They take the requirement so seriously, just a few years ago a flight bound for Mexico from England was grounded… it had no ashtrays.
Think about it. Because people can’t follow directions, airlines have to have something on every plane that’s never supposed to be used. What a waste.
Someone at the ashtray company must have a friend at the FAA.
Now there’s a statement that goes a long way to explaining the Entitlement Lemmings in our country right now.
We lost a couple of famous people lately. Rock and Roll Hall of Famer Tom Petty, who with his band The Heartbreakers helped spearhead back-to-basics heartland rock in the late 1970s, died Oct. 2, 2017, after he suffered cardiac arrest. Petty, shown in a 2016 photo, was 66
Monty Hall, the former “Let’s Make a Deal” host, died Sept. 30, 2017, after a long illness. Hall, seen in 2014, was 96Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, who turned silk pajamas into a work uniform, women into centerfolds and sexual desire into a worldwide multimedia empire that spanned several generations of American life, died Sept. 27, 2017 of natural causes. Hefner, seen in a Nov. 4, 2010, photo, was 91. And of course, we couldn’t just let Hugh’s death go without a real farewell.
Lovers help each other undress before sex.
However after sex, they always dress on their own. Moral of the story — In life, no one helps you once you’re screwed.
Hey! Me too! I need one of those, too!
A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper, Guido, has cheated him out of $10,000,000.00. His bookkeeper is deaf. That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that Guido would hear nothing so he would not have to testify in court.
When the Godfather goes to confront Guido about his missing $10 million, he takes along his lawyer who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer, “Ask him where the money is!”
The lawyer, using sign language, asks Guido, “Where’s the money?”
Guido signs back, “I don’t know what you are talking about.”
The lawyer tells the Godfather, “He says he doesn’t know what you are talking about”.
The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to Guido’s head and says, “Ask him again and tell him if he doesn’t answer I’ll kill him!”
The lawyer signs to Guido, “He’ll kill you if you don’t tell him.”
Guido trembles and signs back, “OK! You win! The money is in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno’s house.”
The Godfather asks the lawyer, “What did he say?”
The lawyer replies, “He says you don’t have the balls to pull the trigger.”
A man walked into the drugstore and shyly asked the pretty girl working there if he could buy some condoms. Seeing his discomfort,
The girl decided to have some fun. She asked what size he needed. He said he didn’t really know. So the girl said they come in three sizes, and that there were three holes in the fence outside that they used for sizing tests. He should go outside and put his tool to the test.
When he went outside, the girl Snuck around the fence, when he put his tool through the first hole, she caught him and gave him a hand job.
When he put his tool in the second hole, she gave him oral sex.
When he put his tool in the third hole, she had her pants down and she took him inside herself.
When he was finished, the girl ran around the front. He walked up and she asked, “So, what size do you need?”
He answered, “I’ve decided not to buy any condoms, but I do want 8 feet of that fence!”
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter from home one evening. Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture. As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote, “Don’t despair. Sister Barbara.” on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100 bill in it, got the man’s attention and tossed it out the window to him. The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her door, insisting on seeing her. She went down, and found the stranger waiting. Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.
“What’s this?” she asked. “That’s the $8,000 you have coming Sister,” He replied. “Don’t Despair paid 80-to-1.”
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn’t really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences. Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
‘Well,’ he said, ‘I took m’self far into the woods to find m’self a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothin’ to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, and he became as gentle as a lamb. The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.’
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, ‘WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don’t sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God’s HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus. Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: “Looking back on it, ….circumcision may not have been the best way to start.”
And we’ve reached the end of another issue. No further donations have been received. It’s difficult to believe that only 13 people find us worthy of a dollar. Although I do want to say an extra special thank you to John S! Sir, you are a generous gentleman. No, you may not ask, John knows why.
Please, go to the top, hit the button and send us the price of a cup of coffee. Every little bit helps.
And until we meet again next week……