Leprechaun Laughs # 394 for Wednesday May 10th 2017


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I’ll keep this brief. We’re lucky there even IS an issue today since when I went to open it on my computer a blank page came up. I don’t know what or why it happened, but I suspect my WordPress workaround might have unforeseen consequences and require some adjustment in the way I reopen unfinished issues.

Then again it could of just been a brain fart from my computer which has recently begun showing some early indications of the electronic equivalent of Alzheimer’s. This wouldn’t surprise me either at this point

For whatever reason, retrieving what I could and recreating the rest took up all my time for thinking up a witty opening. So grab your coffee and let’s do this thing before there are anymore unpleasant surprises shall we? 

Varrom

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Guess I was in a bad mood the other day when I went to the local breakfast spot where I haven’t been in some time and grumbled at the waitress I usually flirt with. She brought me this bad when I asked for coffee saying it should improve my mood. Unfortunately it did.

See witty smart arse I am I had to immediately ask if she modeled for the artwork and could I compare my cuppa to the original to determine how good the Latte artist really was. Good thing the hand print on the back of my head and the 1st degree burn mark on my nose form the hot coffee faded before Molly got home! Otherwise  I would have heard a loud “Lethal! You got had some ‘splaining’ to do!” from her.

As a result from now on this is how I’ll be getting my coffee while at the diner:

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Wonder if it will work for Irish Whiskey also?

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That’s exactly what the waitress said too!

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A widowed Jewish lady, still in good shape, was sunbathing on a totally deserted Beach at Ft. Myers. She looked up and noticed that a man her age, also in good Shape, had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand near hers and began reading A book.

Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him.

“How are you today?”

“Fine, thank you,” he responded, and turned back to his book.

“I love the beach. Do you come here often?” she asked.

“First time since my wife passed away 2 years ago,” he replied and turned back to his book.

“I’m sorry to hear that. My husband passed away three years ago and it is very lonely,” she countered. “Do you live around here?” She asked.

“Yes, I live over in Cape Coral,” he answered, and again he resumed reading.

Trying to find a topic of common interest, she persisted, “Do you like pussy cats?”

With that, the man dropped his book, came over to her blanket, tore off her Swimsuit and gave her the most passionate lovemaking of her life.

When the cloud of sand began to settle, she gasped and asked the man, “How did You know that was what I needed?”

The man replied, “How did you know my name was Katz?”

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imageResistance is Futile:

For two years, Nick Troller’s license plate has read “ASIMIL8” — a Star Trek reference to the “Borg” race who tries to subjugate humanity. To make sure people get the reference, Troller even has a Borg plate frame. But Manitoba, Canada’s, Public Insurance Company, which issues plates for the Crown, has demanded he surrender the plate immediately: they claim “two people” called to complain that the word “assimilate” is “offensive” to indigenous people. “We’ve become way too sensitive,” Troller says. “You can’t say anything anymore to anybody.”

Meanwhile, Lorne Grabher of Nova Scotia, Canada, has had his personalized plate, “GRABHER”, for 20 years. But once U.S. presidential candidate Donald Trump was heard declaring he likes to “grab” women’s private parts, Grabher’s plate was recalled after a single complaint from a woman. With help from the Justice Centre for Constitutional Freedoms, he is suing the provincial government, charging infringement on his freedom of expression. “Canadians are becoming increasingly less tolerant of free expression,” says JCCF spokesman John Carpay. “You have more and more people who believe that they have a legal right to go through life without seeing or without hearing things they find to be offensive.” The problem, he says, is if we have a right to free speech, then we do not have a right to be free from offence. You can’t have both.” (RC/CTV) Free speech is specifically about speech you don’t like: we don’t need a free speech law about speech you agree with.

Copyright ©2017 by Randy Cassingham, All Rights Reserved. at http://www.thisistrue.com.

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Daryl Hall and John Oates as you’ve never seen them before

As they prepared for their upcoming tour, hitmakers Daryl Hall and John Oates sat down with Serena Altschul to look back at a decades’ old collaboration. The duo has sold more than 80 million albums, and have been inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and the Songwriters Hall of Fame – all for a partnership they did not expect to last.

 

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R2D2 got buff!

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John and Joe where identical twins living in a small town. John got married and Joe bought a very dilapidated row boat. All was ok for about a year or so until John’s wife suddenly died. The next day Joes row boat sank.

A couple of weeks later an old lady said to Joe, oh mister Jones I am sorry to hear about your great loss. With out thinking Joe piped up and said that she was no big loss, that he had rented her out to 4 guyed from across town, that they all piled in at the same time causing her to split right down the middle.

The old lady fainted.

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A woman was fed up with men. They beat her, they left her, they were lousy lovers. She finally placed an ad in the personals. “I want a man who won’t beat me, won’t leave me, and is a great lover.” Time went by with no response when one day her doorbell rang. She didn’t see anyone there.

“Lady, down here.” On the ground lay a man with no arms and no legs. “I’m here about your ad.”

“But I want a man who won’t beat me.”

“Lady, I got no arms. I can’t beat you.”

“But I want a man who won’t leave me.”

“Lady, I got no legs. I can’t leave.”

“That’s all good and fine, but I really want a man who is a great lover.”

“Lady, I rang the doorbell.”

Perverted Prose 2

Queen – We Are The Champions (Official Video)

[To the tune of We Are the Champions & with apologies to Queen and deep respect for Freddie Mercury may he party in peace]

Lethal Leprechaun- We Are the Centrists

You’ve paid my Bills
Time after time.
Done your sentences
But committed no real crimes.
And bad mistakes ?
You’ve made more than a few.
Had more than your share of runways scuffed up with your face
But when you were in too deep I’ve always come through.

(And I could go on and on, and on, and on)

We are logical Centrist  my friend.
And we’ll keep on fighting liberal illogic till the end.
We are logical Centrist, we are logical Centrist.
No time for Liberals ’cause we are the champions-
not of left or right but right or wrong!

You’ve taken your bows and stolen my curtain calls.
I’ve brought you fame and fortune and the infamy that goes with it,
Then promptly billed you for it all.
Still it’s been no dumpster of day old donuts.
No on the Grace O’Malley cruise.
I consider your management a challenge before all the mythical races,
And I ain’t gonna lose.

(And I could go on and on, and on, and on)

We are logical Centrist  my friend.

And we’ll keep on fighting liberal illogic till the end.
We are logical Centrist, we are logical Centrist.
No time for Liberals ’cause we are scheming-
For Centrism to win over the world!

by Lethal Leprechaun for DragonLaffs.com © 5/2017 all rights reserved

Jaguar diving into river to catch a Caiman

 

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You guys are laughing, but a lot of us here in Texas are looking at that thinking ‘hmmm not a bad idea, I should do that’

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A recent addition to the Ninja Kitty Clan, he’s called ‘Boomer’ and believes there is no problem that cannot be solved or addressed with a suitable application of explosives.

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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7 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 394 for Wednesday May 10th 2017

  1. Ginny says:

    Great issue….had me laughing with “do you like pussy cats” Also enjoyed the video of Daryl Hall and John Oats, they maybe 69 and 70 but they still look great and sound the same.
    Always loved Queen and Freddy Mercury . So thanks for the smiles and laughs you created for all of us.

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