As you may have noticed, we’ve had some difficulty lately posting our blog to the website. Sadly, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get this fixed, so today’s issue is a little light. I know you’ll still laugh and at this point, that’s what we all need, so without further ado…
(Well, it’s 947 pm Saturday night and it finally went through! Not sure what the future holds for Dragon Laffs, but I am glad that this issue finally got published.)
Yup, I’ve got that! I’ve got a new doctor who must be a mom because she asked me, “On a scale of one to stepping on a pile of Legos in the dark with bare feet, tell me how much you hurt.”
This is a very cool video. I know you’ll enjoy it.
I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my buddy Lethal, “That’s us in 10 years.”
He said, “That’s a mirror, dipshit dragon.”
Lethal used to let me help in the interview process for new employees at DL&LL Enterprises, but not any more.
Dang, eat one or two applicant’s who you KNOW aren’t going to cut the grade and they take you right out of the process.
I tried that excuse on Thursday…it didn’t work.
Two friends who grew old together made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other how life after death was. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life, Dan was the first to die. Benny mourned him, and waited for him to come and visit. True to his word, two months later, as Benny was sleeping, the voice of Dan appeared in his head.
“My gosh… Is that you, Dan?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“That’s wonderful! What’s it like?”
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have intercourse. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have intercourse again, bathe in the warm sun and then have intercourse a couple more times… then I have lunch (keeping healthy, lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have intercourse the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf course again. Then it’s more intercourse until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”.
“Wow, Dan! Heaven sounds amazing!”
“What heaven? I’m a rabbit somewhere in Arizona.”
Our security teams often have unusual watch towers.
Everyday I am forced to add another name to the list of people I’m going to eat when the zombie apocalypse comes.
Yup, the 60’s AND the 70’s.
NOTE TO SELF:
1. Buy a Sword
2. Name it kindness
3. Kill people with kindness
You know it’s gonna be a bad day when your imaginary friend files a restraining order against you.
An amazing 2 letter English word.
A reminder that one word in the English language that can be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb and preposition.
This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is ‘UP.’ It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv.], [prep.], [adj.], [n] or [v].
It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
At other times, this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.
To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP!
To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions.
If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out, we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, the earth soaks it UP. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap itUP, for now . . . my time is UP!
Oh . . . one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?
Did that one crack you UP?
Don’t screw UP. Send this on to everyone you look UP in your address book . . . or not . . . it’s UP to you.
Now I’ll shut UP!
The wife of a prominent gentleman was being tried for the murder of her third husband. A lawyer asked, ‘What happened to your first husband?’
‘He died of mushroom poisoning.’ said the wife.
‘How about your second husband?’ asked the lawyer.
‘He died of mushroom poisoning, too,’ said the woman.
‘Well, then,’ asked the lawyer, ‘what about your third husband?’
The wife, replied, ‘He died of a brain concussion.’
The lawyer asked, ‘Why did that happen?’
The wife paused, and then said, ‘He wouldn’t eat the mushrooms.’
Looks like there might be a position available…at least on a temporary basis.
Sadly, there are probably some of you out there who don’t get it.
Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish just about
gossips and web and this is really frustrating.
A good website with exciting content, this is what I
need. Thanks for keeping this web site, I’ll be visiting it.
Do you do newsletters? Can not find it.
Well hopefully you are sleeping, perhaps dreaming that you are just arriving at Word Press. Show them what happens when “DRAGONS” aren’t happy with their web site. Torch the SOBs and
turn them into crispy critters.
The issue was great…good jokes and did enjoy the want add for the part-time housekeeper.
Thanks for the laughs!