Dragon Laffs #1537


Dragon Laffs 33

Good Morning Campers,Adult Content

As you may have noticed, we’ve had some difficulty lately posting our blog to the website.  Sadly, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to get this fixed, so today’s issue is a little light.  I know you’ll still laugh and at this point, that’s what we all need, so without further ado…

(Well, it’s 947 pm Saturday night and it finally went through!  Not sure what the future holds for Dragon Laffs, but I am glad that this issue finally got published.)

Let's Laugh

2722Yup, I’ve got that!  I’ve got a new doctor who must be a mom because she asked me, “On a scale of one to stepping on a pile of Legos in the dark with bare feet, tell me how much you hurt.”

This is a very cool video.  I know you’ll enjoy it.

I pointed to two old drunks sitting across the bar from us and told my buddy Lethal, “That’s us in 10 years.”
He said, “That’s a mirror, dipshit dragon.”

19

Dragon Pix

21a

Lethal used to let me help in the interview process for new employees at DL&LL Enterprises, but not any more.

Dang, eat one or two applicant’s who you KNOW aren’t going to cut the grade and they take you right out of the process.

23

I tried that excuse on Thursday…it didn’t work.

11

2723

Two friends who grew old together made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other how life after death was. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.
After a long life, Dan was the first to die. Benny mourned him, and waited for him to come and visit. True to his word, two months later, as Benny was sleeping, the voice of Dan appeared in his head.
“Benny…Benny…”
“My gosh… Is that you, Dan?”
“Yes, I’ve come back like we agreed.”
“That’s wonderful!  What’s it like?
“Well, I get up in the morning, I have intercourse. I have breakfast and then it’s off to the golf course. I have intercourse again, bathe in the warm sun and then have intercourse a couple more times… then I have lunch (keeping healthy, lots of greens).  Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have intercourse the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it’s back to the golf course again. Then it’s more intercourse until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again”.
“Wow, Dan!  Heaven sounds amazing!”
What heaven?  I’m a rabbit somewhere in Arizona.

2724

Fantasy

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Our security teams often have unusual watch towers.

2725

Everyday I am forced to add another name to the list of people I’m going to eat when the zombie apocalypse comes.

2726

Yup, the 60’s AND the 70’s.

NOTE TO SELF:
1. Buy a Sword
2. Name it kindness
3.  Kill people with kindness

25

Critter

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2727

You know it’s gonna be a bad day when your imaginary friend files a restraining order against you.

2728

An amazing 2 letter English word.

A reminder that one word in the English language that can be a noun, verb, adjective, adverb and preposition.

UP

This two-letter word  in English has more meanings than any other  two-letter word, and that word is ‘UP.’  It is listed in  the dictionary as an [adv.], [prep.], [adj.], [n]  or [v].

It’s easy to  understand UP, meaning toward the sky  or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in  the morning, why do we wake UP?

At a meeting, why  does a topic come UP?  Why do we speak  UP, and why are the  officers UP for election and why is  it UP to  the secretary to write UP a  report?  We call UP our friends, brighten  UP a room, polish  UP  the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen.  We  lock UP the house and fix  UP the old  car.

At other times, this  little word has real special meaning.   People stir UP trouble, line  UP for tickets, work  UP an appetite, and think UP excuses.

To be dressed is one  thing but to be dressed UP  is special.

And this  UP is confusing:  A  drain must be opened UP because it is stopped  UP.
We open  UP a store in the morning  but we close it UP at night.  We seem  to be pretty mixed UP about UP!

To be knowledgeable  about the proper uses of  UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary.   In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost  1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty  definitions.

If you are  UP to it,  you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is  used.  It will take UP a lot of your time, but  if you don’t give UP, you may wind  UP with a hundred or  more.

When it threatens to  rain, we say it is clouding UP.  When the sun  comes out, we say it is clearing UP.  When it rains,  the earth soaks it UP.  When it  does not rain for awhile, things dry  UP.  One could go on  and on, but I’ll wrap itUP, for now . . . my time  is UP!

Oh . . . one more  thing:  What is the first thing you do in  the morning and the last thing you do at  night?
U
P !
Did that one crack  you UP?
Don’t screw  UP.  Send this on to  everyone you look UP in your address book .  . . or not . . . it’s UP to you.
Now I’ll shut  UP!

2729

Morty and Selma, an elderly couple, were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer asked, “Ma’am did you know you were speeding?”
Selma, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
Morty yelled, “He says you were speeding!”
The patrolman said, “May I see your license?”
Selma turned to her husband once again and asked, “What did he say?”
Morty yelled, “He wants to see your license!” Selma gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, “I see you are from New York. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the most annoying woman I’ve ever met.”
Selma turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”
Morty yells, “He said he thinks he knows you!”

2730

The wife of a prominent gentleman was being tried for the murder of her third husband. A lawyer asked, ‘What happened to your first husband?’

‘He died of mushroom poisoning.’ said the wife.

‘How about your second husband?’ asked the lawyer.

‘He died of mushroom poisoning, too,’ said the woman.

‘Well, then,’ asked the lawyer, ‘what about your third husband?’

The wife, replied, ‘He died of a brain concussion.’

The lawyer asked, ‘Why did that happen?’

The wife paused, and then said, ‘He wouldn’t eat the   mushrooms.’

2731

Pestering Politicians

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2732

All babies start out with the same number of raw cells, which over nine months, develop into a complete female baby. The problem occurs when cells are instructed by the little chromosomes to make a male baby instead. Because there are only so many cells to go around, the cell necessary to develop a male’s reproductive organs have to come from cells already assigned elsewhere in the female.
Recent tests have shown that these cells are removed from the communications center of the brain, migrate lower in the body and develop into male sexual organs. If you visualize a normal brain to be similar to a full deck of cards, this means that males are born a few cards short, so to speak, and some of their cards are in their shorts.
This difference between the male and female brain manifests itself in various ways. Little girls will tend to play things like house or learn to read. Little boys, however, will tend to do things like placing a bucket over their heads and running into walls.
This basic cognitive difference continues to grow until puberty, when the hormones kick into action and the trouble really begins. After puberty, not only the size of the male and female brains differ, but the center of thought also differs. Women think with their heads. Male thoughts often originate lower in their bodies where their ex-brain cells reside.
Of course, the size of this problem varies from man to man. In some men only a small number of brain cells migrate and they are left with nearly full mental capacity but they tend to be rather dull, sexually speaking. Such men are known in medical terms as “Engineers.”
Other men suffer larger brain cell relocation. These men are medically referred to as “Fighter Pilots.”
A small number of men suffer massive brain cell migration to their groins. These men are usually referred to as…”Mr. President” or “Mr. Congressman.”

2733

Wow…really?

Q. What gets longer when pulled, fits between your boobs, inserts neatly in a hole and works best when it is jerked?
A. A Seatbelt.

2734

Looks like there might be a position available…at least on a temporary basis.

Q. Why are there two Senators for each state?
A. Somebody’s got to be the designated driver.

2735

Sadly, there are probably some of you out there who don’t get it.

“The Senate was holding hearings on deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly, making them think they’re going to get a bunch of money, when in reality they never see any of it.
The most popular of these scams is called Social Security.”
2738
And this is where I run out of steam.  I’m done for the day, have to work in the morning, and I’m headed to bed.  If you’re reading this, then posting it worked, if you aren’t reading this….. um ….. never mind that last part.
I’ll send you out with one of the funniest stories I’ve read in a long time.

2737

cheers

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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1537

  1. music range says:

    Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish just about
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  2. Ginny says:

    Well hopefully you are sleeping, perhaps dreaming that you are just arriving at Word Press. Show them what happens when “DRAGONS” aren’t happy with their web site. Torch the SOBs and
    turn them into crispy critters.
    The issue was great…good jokes and did enjoy the want add for the part-time housekeeper.
    Thanks for the laughs!

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