Oh yes….it’s good to be home.
But it has been a long week.
It never ceases to amaze me that I can be out of the office for one day and I have two days worth of work and messages that I come back to. That wouldn’t be so bad, but it becomes a geometric progression from there. Like this:
1 Day Gone = 2 Days of Work
2 Days Gone = 4 Days of Work
3 Days Gone = 16 Days of Work
4 Days = 32 Days of work
You see what’s going on here, right?
By the time you get to seven days (and yeah, I didn’t really miss seven days of work, because the weekends aren’t really work days, but the way it works is that once you hit 4 days, you enter a dimension where ALL days count as work days, and it comes at you harder and faster than you can even imagine.) (Trust me! I know!) … where was I?…Oh yeah, by the time you get to seven (7) days, you come back to an incredible two-hundred, fifty-six (256) days worth of work piled up on your desk.
Oh man, my desk.
My desk was horrible.
Look here:
I know…you’re looking at that and thinking, well, that’s not so bad. Well, I’m not being completely honest with you. That picture was taken on Thursday….afternoon. Four days after I had returned.
So, as you can see, I REALLY need some laughs! So, let’s just jump right in and say:
See! See! Even the darn cartoons get to play with explosives! I am still so disappointed.
Okay, the teaser for this was “The Most Bizarre Thing You’ll See All Day.” Now, to me, that’s a pretty heavy boast. But, this comes pretty damn close. So… Challenge Accepted!
This chicken named Charlie runs around wearing a pair of blue pants. Looks like Charlie wears the pants in this farm yard.
So, I’m not nominating this for being more bizarre than the first one, but it is pretty weird. This young 8 year old Australian golf phenom accidently takes out a drone.
Okay, so not bad…
Here’s another one that I like a lot. It would make a really good tattoo. Maybe trade out the chalice for something else. But, I do like it.
Respect! That’s what this next ….essay? … letter? … whatever … that’s what they get: respect! This is priceless! You MUST respect the craft and this person, whoever they are, certainly know their craft! I would LOVE to find out that this is all true.
The Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife sent some homeowners a letter.
Dear Landowner:
ODFW Staff will be conducting surveys and recon for Foothill Yellow-Legged Frogs & other amphibians over the next few months in Clackamas County. As part of these surveys and research being conducted by the State of Oregon, we would like to access and survey the creek on your property. I am writing this letter to request your permission as the land owner for ODFW staff to enter upon your property and conduct the State’s surveys and research.
Recent research indicates that the population of Foothill Yellow-Legged Frogs has declined significantly in recent years and such species are no longer found at half of their historic sites. Your cooperation will be greatly appreciated and will help contribute to the conservation of this important species.
Please fill out, date and sign the attached postage-paid postcard and let us know if you are willing to allow the State of Oregon, Department of Fish and Wildlife to enter upon your property in order to perform this important environmental work. If you have any questions or concerns about this project, please call Thomas Vanderzanden in our Portland Office at (503) 227.7712 extension 224. Thank you in advance for your anticipated cooperation in this matter.
Sincerely
Steve Niemela
Conservation Strategy Implementation Biologist,
State of Oregon, Department of Fish and Wildlife
********RESPONSE FROM LANDOWNERS: ********
Dear Mr. Niemela:
Thank you for your inquiry regarding access to our property in Clackamas,
Oregon to survey for the Yellow-Legged Frog. We may be able to help
you and the State of Oregon with this endeavor.
We have divided our 2.26 acres into 75 equal survey units with a draw tag for each unit. Application fees are only $8.00 per unit after you purchase the “Frog Survey License” ($120.00 resident / $180.00 Non-Resident). You will also need to obtain a “Frog
Habitat” parking permit ($10.00 per vehicle). You will also need an “Invasive Species” stamp ($15.00 for the first vehicle and $5.00 for each add ’l vehicle) You will also want to register at the Check Station to have your vehicle inspected for non-native plant life prior to entering our property. There is also a Day Use fee, $5.00 per vehicle.
If you are successful in the Draw, you will be notified two weeks in
advance so you can make necessary plans and purchase your “Creek Habitat” stamp. ($18.00 Resident / $140.00 Non-Resident). Survey units open between 8am and 3pm but you cannot commence survey until 9am and must cease all survey activity by 1pm.
Survey Gear can only include a net with a 2″ diameter made of 100% organic cotton netting with no longer than an 18″ handle, non-weighted and no deeper than 6′ from net frame to bottom of net. Handles can only be made of BPA-free plastics or wooden handles. After 1pm you can use a net with a 3″ diameter if you purchase the “Frog Net Endorsement” ($75.00 Resident / $250 Non-Resident). Any frogs captured that are released will need to be released with an approved release device, tagged and put back into
the environment unharmed.
By the way, as of June 1, we are offering draw tags for our “Premium Survey” units and application is again only $8.00 per application.
However, all fees can be waived if you are related in any way to Elizabeth Warren or can verify “Native Indian” tribal rights and status.
Finally, you will also need to provide evidence of successful completion of “Frog Surveys and You”, a comprehensive course on frog identification, safe handling practices, and self-defense strategies for frog attacks. This course is offered online through an accredited
program for a nominal fee of $750.00.
Please let us know if we can be of assistance to you.
Otherwise, we decline your request for access to our property but appreciate your inquiry.
Sincerely,
Larry & Amanda Anderson.
A true master
Okay, so that, to me, is a GREAT segue into our …
I kinda like Broomstick 1. That way you get to read SO much more into it.
Okay, one more that I just found.
Can anyone find anything wrong with this set up? Does this not sound like perfection?
So, our dear friend, fellow camper and fellow library enhancer K2 sent this one in. All I can say is “OUCH!” The truth hurts!
One of the Mexicans puts down his oar, stands up, and shouts, “We are invading the United States of America to reclaim the territory taken by the U.S. during the 1800’s.”
The entire crew on the destroyer doubles over in laughter. When the Captain finally catches his breath, he gets back on the loudspeaker and asks, “Just the four of you?”
The same Mexican stands up again and shouts, “No, we’re the last four. The other 12 million are already there!”
And I repeat my earlier statement: “OUCH!”
Well, that is definitely one way of finding out what everyone thinks.
Okay, so this next one hit me really hard! It’s kind of political, but mostly it’s just truthful.
How did the statement that this great lady made turn into this:
Maybe that second line on the scroll at the bottom of the screen has something to do with it.
Yup, it’s time to break things up a little.
I have this one blown up and put on the wall in my office. It tells me that to find the right person for the job, to find the person that is to blame, to find the person that needs to do something (as in: “Somebody needs to do something!”) that I need to look inside first.
I really like it.
I have heard versions of this joke with Irish men, Polish, Baptists, …. you get the point. And here it is with two of our favorite opponents.
Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump go into a bakery. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket.
She says to Donald, “See how clever I am? The owner didn’t see anything and I don’t even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election.
The Donald says to Hillary,”That’s the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result.”
Donald goes to the owner of the bakery and says, “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick.”
Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Trump swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Then Donald asks for a third pastry and eats that, too. The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and asks, “What did you do with the pastries?”
Trump replies, “Look in Hillary’s pocket.”
You just can’t please some people.
Anyone who’s ever owned a cat…let me change that. You don’t EVER OWN a cat. At best, they allow you to be a guest in their house as long as it’s convenient to them. Anyway, if you’ve ever been in a non-reciprocal relationship with a cat, you know that this is actually the height of “praise” for them. The cat is basically saying that you are worth feeding and you are worth giving special gifts to.
I know guys that are just like that.
I know! Unbelievable, right?
Yeah, I know people like this, too. In fact, I’ve worked with some.
That’s for people who’ve never met Ninja kitties.
I don’t know….I looked a lot longer than 30 seconds and never did see a beach.
That is actually the vision statement of DL&LL Electronic Media Managerial Company.
And a whole lot of bad men, too.
I checked with my favorite Marine Brother and he told me that this isn’t really a TRUE representation of Marine Beer Pong, but it’s as close as a wing=nut like me could handle or understand. He didn’t elaborate.
I found this outstandingly interesting. I had no idea that he even had a blog. Come to find out he’s a peer, at least age wise. So, I present to you an excellent essay by one of my favorite comic authors.
You may or may not recognize his name, but you recognize his creation. I’m talking about Scott Adams and my cubicle hero Dilbert. So here is:
Why I Switched My Endorsement from Clinton to Trump
As most of you know, I had been endorsing Hillary Clinton for president, for my personal safety, because I live in California. It isn’t safe to be a Trump supporter where I live. And it’s bad for business too. But recently I switched my endorsement to Trump, and I owe you an explanation. So here it goes.
1. Things I Don’t Know: There are many things I don’t know. For example, I don’t know the best way to defeat ISIS. Neither do you. I don’t know the best way to negotiate trade policies. Neither do you. I don’t know the best tax policy to lift all boats. Neither do you. My opinion on abortion is that men should follow the lead of women on that topic because doing so produces the most credible laws. So on most political topics, I don’t know enough to make a decision. Neither do you, but you probably think you do.
Given the uncertainty about each candidate – at least in my own mind – I have been saying I am not smart enough to know who would be the best president. That neutrality changed when Clinton proposed raising estate taxes. I understand that issue and I view it as robbery by government.
I’ll say more about that, plus some other issues I do understand, below.
2. Confiscation of Property: Clinton proposed a new top Estate Tax of 65% on people with net worth over $500 million. Her website goes to great length to obscure the actual policy details, including the fact that taxes would increase on lower value estates as well. See the total lack of transparency here, where the text simply refers to going back to 2009 rates. It is clear that the intent of the page is to mislead, not inform.
So don’t fall for the claim that Clinton has plenty of policy details on her website. She does, but it is organized to mislead, not to inform. That’s far worse than having no details.
The bottom line is that under Clinton’s plan, estate taxes would be higher for anyone with estates over $5 million(ish). I call this a confiscation tax because income taxes have already been paid on this money. In my case, a dollar I earn today will be taxed at about 50% by various government entities, collectively. With Clinton’s plan, my remaining 50 cents will be taxed again at 50% when I die. So the government would take 75% of my earnings from now on.
Yes, I can do clever things with trusts to avoid estate taxes. But that is just welfare for lawyers. If the impact of the estate tax is nothing but higher fees for my attorney, and hassle for me, that isn’t good news either.
You can argue whether an estate tax is fair or unfair, but fairness is an argument for idiots and children. Fairness isn’t an objective quality of the universe. I oppose the estate tax because I was born to modest means and worked 7-days a week for most of my life to be in my current position. (I’m working today, Sunday, as per usual.) And I don’t want to give 75% of my earnings to the government. (Would you?)
3. Party or Wake: It seems to me that Trump supporters are planning for the world’s biggest party on election night whereas Clinton supporters seem to be preparing for a funeral. I want to be invited to the event that doesn’t involve crying and moving to Canada. (This issue isn’t my biggest reason.)
4. Clinton’s Health: To my untrained eyes and ears, Hillary Clinton doesn’t look sufficiently healthy – mentally or otherwise – to be leading the country. If you disagree, take a look at the now-famous “Why aren’t I 50 points ahead” video clip. Likewise, Bill Clinton seems to be in bad shape too, and Hillary wouldn’t be much use to the country if she is taking care of a dying husband on the side.
5. Pacing and Leading: Trump always takes the extreme position on matters of safety and security for the country, even if those positions are unconstitutional, impractical, evil, or something that the military would refuse to do. Normal people see this as a dangerous situation. Trained persuaders like me see this as something called pacing and leading. Trump “paces” the public – meaning he matches them in their emotional state, and then some. He does that with his extreme responses on immigration, fighting ISIS, stop-and-frisk, etc. Once Trump has established himself as the biggest bad-ass on the topic, he is free to “lead,” which we see him do by softening his deportation stand, limiting his stop-and-frisk comment to Chicago, reversing his first answer on penalties for abortion, and so on. If you are not trained in persuasion, Trump look scary. If you understand pacing and leading, you might see him as the safest candidate who has ever gotten this close to the presidency. That’s how I see him.
So when Clinton supporters ask me how I could support a “fascist,” the answer is that he isn’t one. Clinton’s team, with the help of Godzilla, have effectively persuaded the public to see Trump as scary. The persuasion works because Trump’s “pacing” system is not obvious to the public. They see his “first offers” as evidence of evil. They are not. They are technique.
And being chummy with Putin is more likely to keep us safe, whether you find that distasteful or not. Clinton wants to insult Putin into doing what we want. That approach seems dangerous as hell to me.
6. Persuasion: Economies are driven by psychology. If you expect things to go well tomorrow, you invest today, which causes things to go well tomorrow, as long as others are doing the same. The best kind of president for managing the psychology of citizens – and therefore the economy – is a trained persuader. You can call that persuader a con man, a snake oil salesman, a carnival barker, or full of shit. It’s all persuasion. And Trump simply does it better than I have ever seen anyone do it.
The battle with ISIS is also a persuasion problem. The entire purpose of military action against ISIS is to persuade them to stop, not to kill every single one of them. We need military-grade persuasion to get at the root of the problem. Trump understands persuasion, so he is likely to put more emphasis in that area.
Most of the job of president is persuasion. Presidents don’t need to understand policy minutia. They need to listen to experts and then help sell the best expert solutions to the public. Trump sells better than anyone you have ever seen, even if you haven’t personally bought into him yet. You can’t deny his persuasion talents that have gotten him this far.
In summary, I don’t understand the policy details and implications of most of either Trump’s or Clinton’s proposed ideas. Neither do you. But I do understand persuasion. I also understand when the government is planning to confiscate the majority of my assets. And I can also distinguish between a deeply unhealthy person and a healthy person, even though I have no medical training. (So can you.)
Absolutely excellent! I have a new blog to follow. Thanks for sharing K2.
And just to give you an idea…when I click on his blog link…which takes you to the most recent post, this is what you get…
THE WALL AROUND ISIS
I can’t wait to read it.
Dragon Laffs 
NOW U R voting the right way
John,
I’m not sure I understand your comment about voting the right way? I reviewed DL #1506 and found that the only thing talking about voting…other than all my normal “dashing myself against the wall of liberalism, is the Last Word by Dilbert creator Scott Adams. And although he and I agree quite closely with the views he inserted into his wonderful essay, they are really NEW views for me.
Just making a comment to see if I can’t get you to talk a little more about what you meant.
Cheers my friend,
Thanks for being a reader.
Impish Dragon
Glad your home and sorry you didn’t get to blow up anything. Great blog considering how your
week went. Have a good weekend and chill!
Nope, haven’t chilled, haven’t really done anything. Except work. And play with pain.
So far the pain is winning 3 to nil.
My husband absolutely loved the yellow legged frog story … it exemplifies why he quit hunting and fishing in Utah
Hi Leah,
Yeah, it was a good story. There’s another one floating around somewhere about a damn on someone’s property that is hilarious!!! I’ll see if I can’t track it down. I’m sure your husband will enjoy that one, also. (If he hasn’t already heard it.)
I’m really glad that he (and hopefully you, too) enjoyed it.
Cheers,
Impish