Dragon Laffs #1461


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Good Morning Campers,

Okay, I gotta talk about this right up front.  Wasn’t Lethal Leprechaun’s Veteran’s Day Special Issue something truly extraordinary?  I got to the second video and I had tears on my cheeks and my voice cracked badly as I sang along with Lewis Shaeffer and his amazing a cappella performance of the entire Star Spangled Banner.  Truly heart touching!

And the song, “The Eagle Cried”, oh man.  Did that one hurt, deeply.

But the one that hit the hardest, at least for me, was the Food City commercial.  You remember the one, where the grandfather (at least I assumed it was his grandfather) dressed out in his old uniform, in order to welcome his grandson home.  And prior to anything else, a salute was exchanged.  The salute is a tradition of one warrior acknowledging and greeting a fellow warrior.  Those of you who are not familiar with the tradition and camaraderie of the hand salute, may not realize that the way it is supposed to work, the junior (in rank) individual is to salute the senior ranked person.  It looks like the young man is an NCO in the Army, and of course the grandfather is an officer, but if you notice, the grandfather salutes first, signifying his acceptance of someone superior.  But, then in the middle of the salute, the roles reverse and the grandfather ends his salute so that the younger man can end his.  Very symbolic, very honor-filled and very, very heartfelt to me.

But, as Lethal said, the most important piece in the entire issue was the “Homeless Veterans: Stand Down!” It is unbelievable to me how poorly we treat those returning heroes.  I guess you could say that, both of us, Lethal Leprechaun and Impish Dragon are two of the lucky ones.  It could EASILY have been so much different.

Thank you, my comrade, my brother-in-arms, my true and deep friend, Lethal Leprechaun, for putting together this marvelous tribute and again surpassing your previous years, unsurpassable, issues.

Now, before we get started on the laffs, how about we check in on our gang and where we left off last week….

Lethal nods. “Yup.  We got attacked with Flying Flaming Monkey Feces on Devil’s Night. You do sort of have to give her begruging props for going with a reinvented form of a classic prank”
 
Impish chuckling “Pretty shitty thing for Hillary…OAFF!” Impish holds his ample stomach and glares at Brighid who is mocking Impish with a shame-shame finger gesture.
 
Lethal smiles. “The Tuatha Dé Danann have pretty high standards, even for humor and puns. They’re not shy about expressing their criticism of a performance either, as you can…feel. You might want to choose your witticisms more carefully and step up your game. On second thought, maybe you should just refrain…less pain that way.”
 
Having continued to keep moving while they were talking Impish has found himself brought around full circle to the mobile command trailer he first met Lethal outside of upon landing. Lethal and Brighid enter the trailer. As he does, Lethal presses a button and yells to be heard over the hydraulic whine. “Get in, there is something else you need to see. I’m dubious as to this being the originally intended focus point of the attack. I think it became the focus point once Monkey Air started getting worse than they were giving, or after the objective was met and the extraction failed. The Eryl King and Herne the Hunter came across a bunch more diligently and swiftly working mischief in the Campground, no doubt in anticipation of you presenting your issue there the next morning and fell on them before they could complete their mischief.”
 
Puzzled by this assertion of Lethal’s, Impish shuffles onto the lift gate that moments before had been the ramp into the trailer and it lifts him up so he can shuffle carefully inside the crowded trailer while narrowly avoiding getting his tail folded into the lift gate. He hears  several cries of ‘Mount Up! We’re moving out to the secondary site. Let’s GO people!’ and suddenly they’re moving off. If Impish’s sense of direction and earring based navigation aren’t mistaken they are on the short road from the HQ building to his Campground area. What could have been the goal of attacking it? Short of the pavilion there were no valuable permanent structures and as far as he knew the mine shaft which exited there had been filled in from inside to prevent anyone using it, not that they could get far if they did with all the precautions and false moving walls. Shortly the trailer lurches to a stop. Impish makes to push the button but is restrained by Brighid’s surprisingly strong grip on his shoulder.
 
“Best to give your warriors a moment to make sure it’s safe and your guard to assemble.”
 
As Impish turns to nod at her he sees Lethal consulting several screens and pulling down a periscope. Where had he managed to hide that in here? After several times around the clock with a couple of momentary stops Lethal takes his face away and nods in satisfaction as the periscope folds up against the top of the trailer rather than sliding up or down. Seeing Impish’s shocked look he remarks “What? Nobody uses mirrors and optics anymore there are a pair of zoomable multispectral cameras on the roof synced to the periscope which is actually a pair of tiny monitors. The effect is an enhanced life sized 3 D steerable and zoomable image. We’re good and should be…” His comments are interrupted by a fist beating on the side of the trailer 3 times. “just about ready to disembark. If you’d be so kind as to do the honors Impish?”
 
Once the tailgate has opened into a ramp the three of them quickly march down it into the protective phalanx again. Impish cranes his neck around looking for signs of an attack. While there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of burn marks there is an area with about 20 opaque plastic sheets covering still forms and much of the turf seems to sport the sort of tearing associated with horses wheeling about and moving at great speed as if the Campground had been the site of a polo match.
 
His attention is drawn by the rustling sound of a tarpaulin firmly anchored and rippling in the breeze. A short distance in front of his pavilion an area about one hundred feet square has been marked off with hazard tape and hidden from view with the blue tarps he heard rustling. Lethal jerks his head in that direction. “Go. That’s what I brought you here to see.”

 

And perhaps we’ll get to see what Impish was brought to see…later, for now…

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Okay, this one is a laugh just for fun…

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This one is so bad, we need to track down the person who sent it to me and beat them with a box of lead-lined saltines.

You want to know what a quick thinker and how devious Lethal is?  Read this true story:

One of the pieces of property that Lethal owns is an old farm with lots of property.He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening Lethal decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, “We’re not coming out until you leave!’

Lethal Leprechaun frowned, “I didn’t come down here to watch you lasses swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.”

Holding the bucket up he said, “I just be here to feed the alligator…”

 

He’s my friggin’ HERO!

 

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I’ve mentioned to you all, many times, that pizza is God’s food.  When we all die and go to heaven, Pizza is going to be one of the few foods that will be available to eat!  You’re damn right that pizza tastes like skinny can go fuck itself.

 

As some of you may know, my son, the Whelpling, whom we have on the show once or twice, is a semi truck driver.  He tells this story from one of his favorite truck stop waitresses:

 One of our regular patrons, a truck driver, entered the cafe where I worked and hobbled painfully over to a table. “What happened?” I asked.
 
 “I hurt my back at work,” he explained with a grimace.
 
 “Gee, I thought those rigs were equipped with cushioned seats, air springs and swivel controls,” I said.
 
 “The seats are great,” he confirmed. “It’s the ground that hurts…I fell out of my truck.”

 

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That was bloody awful!  ashamed

 

I’d been working on my business degree for about a year when I finally got to take a popular finance course. I went to the bookstore to buy the text and was shocked to find out that it would cost me $96. I asked how much it was worth if I sold it back at the end of the semester.
 
 “You’ll get $24,” said the clerk.
 
 “This is insane,” I protested as I wrote out the check.
 
 “I know,” replied the clerk sympathetically. “I’ve always thought that a person who buys a book for $96 and then sells it back for $24 should fail the course.”

 

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This picture affected a lot of us.  Me, Lethal, Paul, The Wolf, K2 and several others. 

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Sand Dragon

This is one of my favorite pics of all time.  We were all on the beach, one of the ones at the Resort Mountain, and one of our staff members is paid to make sand art for the pleasure of our members.  He also takes the time to teach anyone who is interested in making better sand castles and stuff like that.  Anyway, we didn’t realize he was doing a piece on us until he was about done with it.  That’s me with Diaman and Ginny.  He made them as kids because he said he “captured the child that is in each of them.”  I thought it was pretty good.

 

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Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8. Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant; the early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

9. I wish the buck really did stop here. I sure could use a few of them.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut, and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . .

I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.

19. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

 

 

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 A comely redhead was thrilled to have obtained a divorce and dazzled by the skill and virtuosity of her lawyer, not to mention his healthy income and good looks. In fact, she realized, she had fallen head over heals in love with him, even though he was a married man.
 
 “Oh, Sam,” she sobbed at the conclusion of the trial, “isn’t there some way we can be together, the way we were meant to be?”
 
 Taking her by the shoulders, Sam proceeded to scold her, “Snatched drinks in grimy bars on the edge of town, lying on the phone, hurried meetings in sordid motels rooms – is that really what you want for us?”
 
 “No, no…” she sobbed, heartsick.
 
 “Oh,” said the lawyer. “Well, it was just a suggestion.”

 

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Of course, this one was sent in by a woman…in fact…it was sent in by Ginny. 

Dogs
 
1. Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don’t hear you when you’re in the same room.
3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
4. They growl when they are not happy.
5. When you want to play, they want to play.
6. When you want to be alone, they want to play.
7. They leave their toys everywhere.
 
Conclusion: They’re tiny men in little fur coats.

Does that sound a little sexist to you?  I know, right!

 

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That, my dear campers, is the PERFECT example of what this president is ALL ABOUT!

 

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And people out there REALLY think this bitch on a broom should be our next president!!!

 

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And THAT, is the perfect example of the rest of the friggin’ administration.

 

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And again, I say, there are people out there who WANT her in charge!

 

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My name is Impish Dragon and I agree with that statement.

 

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The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch.  Someone called 911.
 
 When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint.
 
 “It was enough to make anybody faint,” he said.  “My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower!”

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The Judge’s Tie
At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband’s sports jackets.
 
Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie.
 
The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a ‘bug’ planted by the conspiracy defendants.  The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis.
 
Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests.
 
“We’re not sure where the disc came from,” the FBI told him, “but we discovered that when you press it, it plays ‘Jingle Bells.'”

 

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A quick portrait of our last Poker Night.

 

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A group of fellows always enjoyed their game of golf, but one of the boys was having trouble seeing the ball. His friends kept telling him he needed glasses. Finally, he bought himself a pair and his game improved 100%. Back in the clubroom they were talking over a few beers.

“You’re playing better since you got your glasses,” one said.

“You’re right, I look down and the ball’s as big as a basketball, just can’t miss it now,” he said. After a few more beers, he said. “Gotta go to the toilet, be back in a minute.”

When he came back, all the front of his trousers were wet.

“Gee, what happened to you?” his mates asked.

“Don’t know,” he replied, “got in there, pulled it out and it looked too big for mine, so I put it back!”

 

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Okay, so that one should’ve gotten a groaner warning as well, but I can’t do all the work for you guys.  You need to figure some of these out for yourselves.

 

A born-and-bred New Yorker is in the country when he sees a field of animals and says to the farmer. “What a strange looking cow. Why doesn’t it have horns?”
 
 “Well, there are several reasons,” the farmer replies. “Some cows get their horns late, while others have their horns cut off, and still others never even grow horns.”
 
 “And this cow?” the city man asks.
 
 “Well, the reason this cow doesn’t have any horns is because it’s a horse.”

 

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And the eternal question is, Why the hell can’t you put the seat down yourselves?  Okay, the seat is down and we want to use it, we put the seat up and when done, you expect us to put the seat back down again.
But, if the seat is up and you want to use it, why do you get mad?  Put the damn seat down and do you business.  And quite frankly, if you leave it down (or up for that matter) it really doesn’t matter to us…one way OR the other.

 

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And what did we learn from the last two pictures?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?
We learned to not fuck with cats; they have wicked fast skills.

 

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At home at Lethal Leprechaun’s house

 

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Ninja Kitties at work…

 

Interesting Colgate Advertisement!
 
 
Do not glance at the end until you have looked at the three photos!
 
Pay close attention to each scene.  Tricky Colgate has created
a very ingenious advertising campaign to promote their dental floss.
 
But…. before I explain to you the main detail of these images,
I will let you observe them quietly on your own.
 
COUPLE ONE7d

COUPLE TWO7e

 

COUPLE THREE7f

All right! Now that you’ve had time to quietly observe the images!!!
 
*   In the first photograph, you might have noticed that the woman has six fingers on her left hand.
 
*   In the second photograph, a phantom arm is floating behind the man.
 
*   In the third photograph, the man has only one ear.
 
The campaign attained its purpose.
It proved that food debris on your teeth draws more attention than any physical defect does.
 
How well did you do??
 
You failed the whole thing?
 
 So did I !!  
 
So now you know that no matter what physical “defect” you might feel self-conscious about,  just stick a chunk of spinach between your front teeth and no one will notice anything else about you!

 

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It’s all about the camera angle.

 

Talk about not being able to follow directions!

A water Bed in a German furniture store.

Note that the sign says NOT to get on the bed, but oh well..the best way to motivate people

to do something is to put up a sign saying
“Don’t……..!”
Turn on speakers and watch people trying out the water bed.
It’s in German, but that only makes it funnier.
Watch for the last two ladies !

 

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Oh, so he’s going to my doctor.

 

Okay, so I don’t know if the part about the Washington Post is correct, but in all honesty, who cares?  It’s still funny as hell

The Washington Post runs a weekly contest in its Style section called the ‘Style Invitational’. 
The requirements this week were to use the two words ‘Lewinsky’ (the Intern) and ‘Kaczynski’ (the Unabomber) in the same limerick.  
The following winning entries were actually printed verbatim in the newspaper, no bleeps or xxxs:

Third place:
There once was a girl named Lewinsky 
Who played on a flute like Stravinsky
‘Twas ‘Hail to the Chief’
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Second place:
Said Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky, 
We don’t want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you made such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And please wipe that stuff off your chinsky.

And the winning entry:
Lewinsky and Clinton have shown 
What Kaczynski must surely have known,
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
When deciding how best to be blown

 

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Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment.

This is indeed a very exciting program, and I’ll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is an ‘Economic Stimulus’ payment ?

A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

Q.Where will the government get this money ?

A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?

A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?

A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a ; high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn’t that stimulating the economy of China ?

A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. Economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:

* If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will ; go to China or Sri Lanka .

* If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs.

* If you purchase a computer, it will go to India , Taiwan or ; China …

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala …

* If you buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea .

* If you purchase useless stuff, it will go to Taiwan .

* If you pay your credit cards off, or buy stock, it will go      ;   to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in America by:

1) Spending it at yard sales, or

2) Going to ball games, or

3) Spending it on prostitutes, or

4) Beer or

5) Tattoos.

(These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S. )

Conclusion:

Go to a ball game with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day !

No need to thank me, I’m just glad I could be of help

 

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With all this transgender talk going on, I feel it’s time I share my secret…
I’m transfinancial, which means that I am a rich man born in a poor man’s body…
Please send me your money so I can fix my financial identity issue.

 

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Motivational

courage

Ineviabliity

Inevitable Defeat

Infinite Space

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I was sitting at a long stop light yesterday, thinking about what I would do to keep busy during retirement, minding my own business and patiently waiting for the light to turn green, even though there was no on-coming traffic.
 
An old Nissan full of bearded, young, loud Muslims, shouting Anti-American slogans, with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their car, and a “Remember 9-11” slogan spray painted on the side, stopped next to me.
Suddenly they yelled, “Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America” and
took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler truck came speeding through the intersection and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
 
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself,
Man, that could have been me!”
 
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver!

 

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WORDS FOR CLEVER PEOPLE :
1.  ARBITRATOR – A cook that leaves Arbys to work at McDonalds.
2.  BERNADETTE – The act of torching a mortgage.
3.  BURGLARIZE – What a crook sees through.
4.  AVOIDABLE – What a bullfighter tries to do.
5.  COUNTERFEITER – Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.
6.  LEFT BANK – What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.
7.  HEROES – What a man in a boat does.
8.  PARASITES – What you see from the Eiffel Tower.
9.  PARADOX – Two physicians.
10. PHARMACIST – A helper on a farm.
11.  RELIEF – What trees do in the spring.
12. RUBBERNECK – What you do to relax your wife.
13.  SELFISH – What the owner of a seafood store does.
14.  SUDAFED – Brought litigation against a government official.

 

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Okay, so I just reviewed this issue, and the damn thing is HUGE!!!!  I hope you guys are enjoying reading it, I think it’s probably at least an hour since we got started here and we still have a little bit left to go through.  So, let’s get back to it again.

 

This is a wonderful post by a very smart girl…

Brilliant Missouri Student Makes Facebook Post About the Protests

I’m sure by now you’ve noticed that the University of Missouri has taken a beating with all the protests about racial insensitivity.

The whole situation began because an inebriated student began using racial slurs, which led to members of the football team refusing to practice or play.

The University of Missouri system’s president, Tim Wolfe, and chancellor, R. Bowen Loftin, were forced to resign thanks to radicals who deemed the school had done little to combat racism.

Here’s a fantastic take by a female student at Mizzou regarding the current situation…

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Strong words, but factual.

Because of the actions of a few, everyone gets punished. Or, the motto by which liberals live their lives.

The president and chancellor may have “resigned,” but that’s only because the football team earns so much cash that they couldn’t afford to have to forfeit games. So really, they were pushed out for being white males who looked the other way – or whatever.

This situation should prove that political correctness ruins everything.

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Okay, so someone put a LOT of effort into this video, and even though it’s actually an ad for Trump, you still need to watch this…especially those of you of the military persuasion.

 

This is an oldie, but goodie.  I like it a lot.

Yesterday my daughter e-mailed me again, asking why I didn’t do something useful with my time.
“Like sitting around the pool and drinking wine is not a good thing?” I asked.
Talking about my  “doing-something-useful”  seems to be her favorite topic of conversation.
She was  “only thinking of me”, she said and suggested that I go down to the Senior Center and hang out with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night, I decided to play a prank on her.
I e-mailed her and told her that I had joined a Parachute Club.
She replied,  “Are you nuts?  You are 78 years old and now you’re going to start jumping out of airplanes?”
I told her that I even got a Membership Card and e-mailed a copy to her.
She immediately telephoned me and yelled, “Good grief, Mum, where are your glasses?
This is a Membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”
“Oh man, I’m in trouble again,” I said, “I really don’t know what to do. I signed up for five jumps a week!!”
The line went quiet and her friend picked up the phone and said that my daughter had fainted.
Life as a Senior Citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.

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Tom in deep thoughts is sitting calm, very quiet.

Jerry asks, “What is wrong with you, Tom?”

“Please don’t ask.”

“I am your childhood friend. Talk to me.”

“My seven year old son made my secretary pregnant.”

“That’s not possible.”

“No, he did.”

“How’s that possible?”

“He punctured my condoms!”

 

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Let’s tune back in to our heroes before we leave today’s issue and see where they are

 

Impish  wends his way around those busy tending to the scene and sticks his head in between two of the tarps. The monkeys seem to have used their natural incendiary to form a pattern of burnt lines in the sod, though Impish can’t discern any appreciable pattern to them. It appears that, what ever they were doing, Lethal was right, they were interrupted before it was completed. He pulls his head back out of the tarps at the nudge in his side and looks down at Lethal.
 
“Did you see it? The message? Could you spot it even if its not finished?”
 
Impish pokes his head in again for another look but still doesn’t see whatever it is that Lethal apparently sees in the seemingly random burnt lines in the sod. Withdrawing his head a second time he shakes it silently.
 
Lethal thrusts a tablet at him, “Here maybe the advantage of an aerial prospective will help clarify it.” While it really doesn’t help Impish he gets a faint impression of…incomplete letters?
 
“A message? They were burning letters into the sod to send us a message? Why here at the campground and what message?”
 
Lethal points at the tablet and mimics a tapping motion as he busies himself with donning two layers of latex gloves before accepting a sealed can from one of the Hazmat team. Impish recognizes it as Hazmat sample container. Mean time Impish taps the tablet’s screen as he was directed and sees the image is actually the start of an animation. Lines of fire appear one after another to complete the pattern until the message can clearly be seen to read “R.I.P. Fred”.
 
“Rest in Peace Fred? We haven’t had a Fred on the payroll since Freddy the Fire Salamander feel asleep down in the geothermal chamber, rolled into the magma pool and spontaneously combusted, what? Five or six years ago? So who is Fred? And why RIP him here?”
 
Lethal reaches out and finger swipes the screen, not an easy feat considering the latex gloves. A photo of a very much looking like death warmed over Fred Thompson appears on the screen. Speaking so softly that Impish has to lower his head and strain to hear him even being so close to him Lethal says in a flat tone- “Fred is former Republican Senator Fred Thompson from Tennessee. He…”
Nodding Impish interupts him “I remember him now! Sometimes actor sometime politician. Better actor than politician, he broke both our hearts with his failed 2008 Republican Primary performance. Man he sure looks like hell, even for a guy his age. But still why RIP him here? He’s not even dead yet as far as I know!”
 
Lethal glowers at Impish who suddenly and wisely runs out of questions to voice. “He was diagnosed several years before his 2008 run with lymphoma but beat it. It was in remission and he was tested regularly always coming back negative. Then suddenly a couple months back it reappears but 50 times more aggressively. Tore through the stages like a drag racer through gears coming off the line. They could slow it some, but not stop it. After this” (Lethal holds up the can) “was found here last night I called Fred, or at least I tried. I got his wife. Fred’s in a bad way. It’s end game and the doctors give him about 72 hours.”
 
Impish’s eyes open wide at the news, then narrow to regard the can suspiciously. He swallows and asks “The can. What is in it? What was found here?”
 
Lethal opens the can with great care that Impish has only previously associated with Lethal’s handling of rare and old Irish whiskey bottles. Then using a pair of tongs from inside the can he gently coaxes out an evidence bag part way to show Impish a doll. Turning the doll so Impish can see the face it bears an uncanny resemblance to the Fred Thompson Impish remembers from Law & Order. Impish can also make out that the doll seems to be soaked in something and that something is reacting with the evidence bag. It appears to be slowly eating at it.  Quickly Lethal places the doll back in the container followed by the tongs followed by the outer layer of latex gloves before placing the lid back on tightly and handing it off to the Hazmat man hovering nearby who applies several seals to the can labeled “Danger Extreme Biohazard”.
 
Carefully striping off the second set of gloves by turning them inside out and dropping them in another hazmat bag Lethal begins, “One of Eryl Kings Hell Hounds found the doll, it was apparently just sitting on the edge of the pavilion. The hound retrieved it, managing to drop it at the feet of Eryl King’s steed just before the hound died…horribly by all accounts. Wisely the Eyrl King chose not to touch it or his hound and sent Herne for me. Lab analysis of a swabbing of the doll suggests it is saturated in a hell’s broth of 13 of the most toxic and deadly carcinogens known to man. Toxic and deadly enough to outright kill a magical creature who was a single day off from the height of its magical power and in contact with it for mere seconds.”
 
“So you’re saying this is another instance of remote control murder/ death by mysterious circumstance at he behest of Hillary? But why? After he embarrassed himself in 2008 his political capitol was spent, there was no way he could ever have been any threat to Hillary politically. Was she repaying some long held grudge? And why dump the doll here? She had to know you’d figure it out. I hate to say it pal, but the method sounds like some Machiavellian plot you’d come up with…except for the voodoo angle and the leaving behind of direct evidentiary links pointing to you.”
 
“Fred was far from done with politics. He’d just traded in the limelight for the shadows.”
 
“Howzat?”
 
“Remember your first visit to D.R.A.G.O.N. HQ ? You saw me arguing with a bunch of nearly dark screens about how I was handling you? You might have thought they were blank except for the occasional sense of movement in the darkness.”
 
Impish nods recalling how the scene sort of creeped him out as well but doesn’t mention this to his clearly upset at Fred Thompsons death friend.
 
“Those dark screens, some of them were just that, but some of them were the other founders of  D.R.A.G.O.N. Many are at least semi mythical &/or magical, but more than a few are Mundanes as well. Fred was one of those mundanes. He was sort of a back channel liaison for messages in both directions as well as intelligence. Additionally he served as a sounding board for possible political reaction/repercussions when it came to our planned actions. It was to protect those like Fred, who don’t enjoy our level of protection against…things and people who go bump in the night… that we went dark and underground. It appears that despite this, despite my best endeavors I failed to help Fred. She found him out, she killed him and she wants us, wants me, to know it. At best it’s a warning, at worst its a threat- posted notice of hunting season on those associated with any group intent on stopping her and the liberals agenda.”
“My God, how many people do her and her idiot husband have to kill before someone in Washington takes notice?”
Suddenly Impish very much longed for the cramped confines of the mobile command trailer and to return home to his family before the sun went down and Halloween got started in full swing.
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2 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1461

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    A very punny issue Impish (except for the story part).
    You deserved something for it…to ne PUNished!

  2. Ginny says:

    Who is this Ginny you speak of….lol Nice job Impish, between you and Lethal, I haven’t started my laundry, the day is more than half over….but hell I enjoyed every minute of finishing Lethal’s “goose bumps” issue for Veterans day and your follow up today. You both brighten our days, give us laughs and make us think on many important issues.

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