Leprechaun Laughs # 294 for Wednesday April 8th 2015


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What?! Lent is over- you didn’t think I’d fell the need to catch up? You have any idea how many ale and whiskey distilleries count on my business to keep them afloat? Lets not even talk about what effect my ‘going on the dry’ would have on the economies of multiple nations! The only more financially disastrous thing I can think of would be if Impish and I gave up coffee overnight.

Speaking of the nearly electrocuted and braised lizard if you think I’m bad having a few wee nips you should see how he’s been making up for lost time!

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 To celebrate his return to us addiction free, Impish, the girls and I went over to the gatehouse’s pub, (you’ll learn more about the Gatehouse later in the issue) for a bit of a catch up.

Impish ordered off the menu asking for a ‘Bloody Spicy with everything’. Then he specified V-8 juice not Bloody Mary mix or Tomato juice winking at the bar maid and saying something about his daily veggie requirement. My jaw nearly hit me pint glass o Guinness when I heard that and the magpie Diaman and Ginny actually went silent for a full 15 seconds!

This was the drink he got. He had four of them before his burgers and fries arrived.

When I say burgers and fries this is what I’m talking about:

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Three of those burgers (for which he actually inquired about having them swap the Kobi beef for vegi-burgers and even specified the vegetarian chili on the burger and the 2# platters of fries plus low fat cheese and whole multigrain buns! As if this wasn’t already nearly knocking us off our barstools he forewent his usual threat about eating the waitress if he saw anything that had come out of a garden on his plate and asked if he could trade the Lettuce Tomato and Onion from all 3 and turn it into a tossed salad! I swear you could have knock me cold with a fairy’s wing when I heard that one!

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There was also the yard of light beer he ordered to wash them down. That’s it there on the right side. For comparison the glass 3rd from the right is a standard Pint (16 oz.) bar glass. Seriously light beer?! Diaman & Ginny are starting to think that electric fence caused him some brain damage! Personally I suspect he’s running some sort of guilt trip or grift- possibly pie related.

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Now I’ll grant you Impish offered up an I suppose plausible explanation for some of this, (I say I suppose its plausible because I don’t quite know enough about Dragon physiology- yet to say if he’s bagging me or not). His explanation was that he needed all that spice and grease to induce an epic case o’ heart burn to rekindle/jump start his internal fire furnace biology after shutting it down during his escape attempt.

Impish claims that when we get to the next installment of his diary next week his assertions will be upheld and proven completely truthful.

I was almost ready to buy this story (despite the fact that ‘completely truthful’ when used in conjunction with Impish Dragon constitutes and oxymoron) until about 3 hours later I came across him having a pizza snack- 6 “virgin pizzas” made with ‘Fra Diavolo’ sauce (Fra Diavolo = Brother Devil. Sort of a super spicy Marinara made with fresh tomatoes and hot red cherry peppers). I caught up with him managing to get this picture of it just before he started in on this last one. I figured this was just Impish trying the hide his reversion to gluttony and making up for lost diet until I managed to snag a slice of the pizza and discovered it had a whole wheat thin crust!

Obviously our Dragon isn’t any too worse for the wear from his ‘ordeals’…. uh I think.  Now if you’ll excuse me I feel a touch on indigestions just from the ‘Fra Diavolo’ sauce. I’m off to find some Bromo-Seltzer and…. (frowns at a text message he just got) Apparently I need to approve the location of an all organic vegetable garden Impish want to put in as it conflicts with something on the master build plans for our new facilities. Sigh! I wonder if Bromo makes a decent mixer with Irish Whiskey? I have the feeling I’ll be needing a lot of both this day!

Enjoy the issue.

Opening Logo 8

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Since Impish sort of totally ignored the fact that last Sunday was in fact Easter, I thought I’d just put a little something religious but yet entertaining in today to mark the occasion. Beside both Impish and I have recently been blessed with our wives more or less successfully battling potentially serious illnesses and we should be giving thanks.

This is one of my favorite religious songs, though not my favorite version which I’m having trouble locating. If I find it I’ll post it later in the issue.

 

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With regard to Impish’s Final Word from Last Week which consisted of an email from Ginny entitled “The Train of Life”. I too received it from Ginny and I responded to her taking (as usual) a differing point of view from Impish apparently. In all fairness had I remembered to “CC:” Impish in on my comment he might have elected to include it in his Final Word so I wanted to share my comment on the ‘The Train of Life” with you as well-

 

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buttwhyper

In a crowded airliner a five-year-old boy is throwing a wild temper
tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to
try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick
the seats around him.

Suddenly, from the rear of the plane,  Lethal Leprechaun slowly
walks forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an
upraised hand, the Lethal leans down and whispers something into
the boy’s ear.

Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother’s hand, and
quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into
spontaneous applause. As the Leprechaun slowly makes his way back to
his seat, one of the stewardesses takes him by the sleeve.

“Excuse me, Sir,” she says quietly, “but what magic words did
you use on that little boy?”

The Lethal smiles sagely and gently says,
“Lass I just told him if he didn’t cut that shite out, I’d be kicking his
fooking arse to the bloody moon.”

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Molly’s Follow up visit to her Doctor went very well. Her Doctor did note the internally she is healing at a somewhat slower rate than was normal and Molly confessed to my two steps forward one step back theory admitting to ‘possibly’ pushing her boundaries at times a bit too much. The doctor took her off the prescription pain killers and told her to use OTC ones stating that maybe if the penalty for misbehavior was higher she’d do it less often. A doctor who espouses my ‘Molly Philosophy’, ya just gotta love her!

She has been clear to return to work starting next Monday, though I have it on good authority from an inside source that she’ll only be working half days from the shop for the first week back and watched closely for signs of pain or fatigue.

Again Molly and I want to thank those of you who have sent well wishes prayers and moral support during this time. However at the moment Mrs. Dragon is currently in need of them far more than Molly at this point and we would ask that you do the same for her.

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With all the food and what not over the Easter weekend I doubt that you will be wanting very much in the way of recipes this week, unless they have to do with using up ham & hard boiled eggs.

On that subject let me just say that deviled ham & egg spread rocks, not only as a sandwich filling, but goes well atop lunch salads or spread on toasted English muffins or bagels for breakfast. It even makes dynamite potato salad if you like your potato salad with egg in it

DEVILED EGG AND HAM SALAD

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1 c. cubed ham (5 oz.)
1/2 c. finely chopped green pepper
1/4 c. finely chopped green onion
1/3 c. mayonnaise
1/4 tsp. ground red pepper
1 tbsp. vinegar
1 1/2 tsp. prepared mustard
6 hard boiled eggs
4 large lettuce leaves
4 medium tomatoes, each cut into 8 wedges

In medium bowl, combine ham, green pepper, onion, mayonnaise, red pepper, vinegar and mustard. Mix until well blended. Set aside. Separate hard cooked egg yolk from whites. Place yolks in small bowl. Mash and stir into ham mixture. Chop egg whites and stir into ham mixture. Let stand 10 minutes to blend flavors

I like to toss some with shredded bag lettuce and radish sprouts then fill pita pockets with it garnishing with pickle and cherry tomato slices. If taking to work pack the wet filling and garnishes separate from the pitas (I put the garnishes on top to the filled in a single container and use the lid to hold the garnishes  until ready for them

Banana Crunch Muffins

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Total Time: 45 min
Prep: 20 min
Cook: 25 min
Yield: 18 large muffins
Level: Easy

 

 

 

Ingredients

3 cups all-purpose flour
2 cups sugar
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 pound unsalted butter, melted and cooled
2 extra-large eggs
3/4 cup whole milk
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
1 cup mashed ripe bananas (2 bananas)
1 cup medium-diced ripe bananas (1 banana)
1 cup small-diced walnuts
1 cup granola
1 cup sweetened shredded coconut
Dried banana chips, granola, or shredded coconut, optional

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.
Line 18 large muffin cups with paper liners. Sift the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt into the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment. Add the melted butter and blend. Combine the eggs, milk, vanilla, and mashed bananas, and add them to the flour-and-butter mixture. Scrape the bowl and blend well. Don’t over mix.
Fold the diced bananas, walnuts, granola, and coconut into the batter. Spoon the batter into the paper liners, filling each 1 to the top. Top each muffin with dried banana chips, granola, or coconut, if desired. Bake for 25 to 30 minutes, or until the tops are brown and a toothpick comes out clean. Cool slightly, remove from the pan, and serve.

 

I forgot this next one last week when we were on the subject of condiments and such

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If any one wants to save this Cheat sheet I can upload it someplace for you to download. Just leave a request in the comments and I’ll post a link to it.

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Until you see it. Still not seeing it? I’ll give you a hint- pay attention to the background. I’ll post a better hint at the end of the issue for those who need more help. Mean while if anyone recognizes any of the ladies I’d very much like an intro or a name and contact number, especially the one 2nd from left in back row!

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 Introspection Outside the Box

Sen. Ted Cruz announced his presidential campaign at Liberty University before a packed crowd of students who were forced to attend or risked paying a fine.

The Top 5 Things Overheard During Ted Cruz’s Announcement

  1. “Are you sure this isn’t just another senior prank?”
  2. “How many chances does one get to witness the beginning of the end of a political party?”
  3. “I loved his sister Penelope in ‘Vanilla Sky.’ Can I vote for her?”
  4. “If it’s OK for him to shut down the government, it’s OK for me to shut down his microphone.”

And the Number One Thing Overheard During Ted Cruz’s Announcement…

  1. “I never thought I’d say this as a student at Liberty University, but I think I need a drink.”

I fully agree with Comment #1 in principle but I disagree that a single drink is going to be enough. I think I’ll be drinking quite steadily through his entire campaign. Here’s hoping it’s a short one- my liver can’t take all the drinks it used to.

Found that favorite version of “Oh Happy Day” I was talking about!

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A Harley biker is riding by the zoo in Washington , DC, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion’s cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain,the lion jumps back, letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

A reporter has watched the whole event. Addressing the Harley rider, he says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I’ve seen a man do in my whole life.”

The Harley rider replies,”Why, it was nothing, really.

The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger and acted as I felt right.”

The reporter says, “ Well, I’ll make sure this won’t go unnoticed . I’m a journalist, you know, and tomorrow’s paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living and what political affiliation do you have?”

The biker replies, “I’m a U.S. Marine and a Republican.”

The journalist leaves. The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

” U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH!”

And that pretty much sums up the media’s approach to the news these days.

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We’ve gotten a few questions lately about the progress on the Santa provided at Ginny’s Christmas wish Recreation and Party Center. As several people have noted Memorial Day is practically around the corner. Sadly I have to say that I doubt the facilities will be full finished for Memorial Day despite the progress we’ve made. as we’ve had several delays due to unforeseen circumstances.

Impish, who was helping the dwarves with the construction of the necessary caves and tunnels, as you know was first government napped, then required an intervention for his pie addiction, followed by a subsequent involuntary committal to get the job of breaking his addiction done.

There was also the second delay resulting from Impish’s kidnapping where the large perimeter security wall was swiftly built as well as the building for the Embassies of the other mythical realms and quarters for other mythical creatures of legendary note with diplomatic status. Now I know your asking why this was so important as to interrupt a party facility and the answer is simple- if we cannot stay in the mundane realm safely we can’t stay at all which means there isn’t a need for the party facility any longer. Understand? OK moving on then!

However this isn’t to say that we have nothing to show for our efforts to date. Here is a shot of the Entry way gate house to the new facility.

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The upper portion that resembles a covered bridge/walkway is exactly that and will mate up with the aerial tramway accessed from the lobby of our Corporate HQ building.

It terminates just out side the Gatehouse Pub which you saw a photo of the outside patio area of in the opening.

The water feature you see is part of a tubing excursion you can take through part of the Recreational Center and down to the our side pond.

 

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 Here is a look at a completed section of the grotto area which can be switched into or out of the tube ride depending on ride usage and number of people in the grotto.

That is a 48” big screen TV in the distance you see and the edge of a service bar just behind the lanterns where you can ever get your drinks delivered to waters edge.

Finally if you walk past the lanterns and turn left you come to our first completed non cave like party  and conference area-

 

 

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The coal stove fireplace is completely functional as is the bar and the bar sized professional staffed kitchen behind the door just visible at the right end of the bar. There is another bar at the opposite end of the room and the room can comfortably accommodate roughly 50 people with room for entertainment:

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The Answer

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In case you can’t make it out the sign reads “Assumption College Deep Throat Competition”!

We’ll pause for a minute until the male perverts among our readership can get a FIGURATIVE grip on themselves after that revelation.  IMPISH! PAUL(s) (BOTH OF YOU) and you too K2! I SAID FIGURATIVE grip on yourselves!

Ginny you stop encouraging them too! SHEESH!

Tale of the IDIOT

When last we left Impish he had just discovered the delectable treat known as Trollscouts and was pondering creating Dragonscouts to assure a steady supply of good eats.

Still thinking about dragonscouts but torn between treating them as snack-packs and teaching them to be good little dragons.

Cat has suggested merit badges in horde-lying, knight-toasting, general ateding, and cat-coddling.

White stuff has fallen from the sky again. Am starting to think there’s some sort of plot—maybe pointy face horse is going to use it as camouflage. Cat is attempting hibernation, perhaps I should join him…

Had board meeting today. Ated someone that disagreed with me. That should solve that problem. Very satisfying.

Cat awake—eight pounds. Cat asleep on my chest—so heavy I can’t get up even though I routinely throw around twenty-to-thirty tons. Bemused.

Have Enchanted Forest Board meeting tonight but there’s SNOW! Dontwanna! Cat curled up by fire. Stupid cat. Stupid meeting.

It got cold. Really really cold. Important-safety-tip-cold. Don’t try to breathe fire when your snot is frozen. Seriously. Ears now fire scoured clean inside.

HELP! I’m starting to identify with my captor. I just noticed that all the snow and ice is kind of…Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly!

Cthulhu carolers just came to the cave door. They’re so cute I almost don’t want to ated them.

Can’t believe it’s nearly Cthulhumas! I haven’t even started shopping and cat is sleeping on the cards so I can’t send them. Mind you, I did tuck them all under the cat bed instead of addressing them, but I’m still blaming the cat.

Looking at all the Cthulhumas lights and now I want to fill the cave with them. Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly!

Cthulhumas is tomorrow? #$#%@&$%@#! Sigh, at least it’ll be over soon.

Cthulhumas has arrived. Sitting and looking at the ornaments when I realized I don’t even _like_ squid. Sigh.

Have survived Cthulhumas and mood is rapidly improving. Took ornaments down! Also, ated salesman today AND felt really good about it. “None of this charity of season, please don’t eat me” nonsense to deal with.

Cat brought home funny little machine that turns beans into hot black liquid. It smelled great so I had some. It tasted bitter but SPARKLY! Sparklysparklysparkly!

Cat calls wondrous black fluid “coffee.” It sounds almost as sparkly as it tastes! Coffee! Coffee! Coffee!

Cat also says that I should probably drink a little bit less next time. Cat is wrong. Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!

Getting lots accomplished!. Have now been awake for three straight days! This coffee stuff is the best thing ever!

Day five of coffee binge. Have transcended sleep and achieved apotheosis. Worship me!

Day six of my coffee odyssey. Sleep is an almost forgotten relic of my past. Can taste colors. Am learning fish language.

Day 8 of coffee odyssey. Cat made the most recent pot. It’s not working. Think it might be decafzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

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About lethalleprechaun

I believe in being the kind of man who, when my feet touch the floor in the morn', causes the Devil to say "BUGGER ME! HIMSELF IS UP!" ======== I'm a White Married Heterosexual who fervently believes in the war(s) we are fighting, the Second Amendment which I plan on defending with my last breath and my last round of ammunition as well as Arizona's stringent law on Immigration and the need for the border wall. I'm a right of center Con-centrist with Tea Party & Republican sympathies who drives an SUV. I am a Life Time Member of the NRA, a Charter Member of the Patriots' Border Alliance and North American Hunters Association. If there is a season for it and I can shoot one I'll eat it and proudly wear its fur. I believe PETA exists solely to be a forum for Gays, Vegetarians, Hollywood snobbery to stupid to get into politics and Soybean Growers. The ACLU stopped protecting our civil liberties sometime after the 1960s and now serves its own bigoted headline grabbing agenda much in the same way as the Southern Poverty Law Center. I am ecstatic that WE the PEOPLE finally got mad enough to rise up and take back the Government from WE the ENTITLED and reverently wish the Liberals would just get over the loss and quit whining/protesting all the time. After all they're just reaping what they've sown. I am Pro-choice both when it comes to the issue of abortion AND school prayer. I believe in a government for the people, by the people which represents and does the people's will. Therefore I an Pro States rights and mandatory term limits but against special interest group campaign contributions and soft money. I think that sports teams who allow their players to sit or take a knee during the National Anthem should be boycotted until the message is received that this is not acceptable behavior for role models for children. I believe Congressional salaries should be voted on bi-annually by the people they represent and not by themselves. I think Congress should be subject to every law they pass on the populace including any regarding Social Security or Healthcare. Speaking of the Healthcare bill (or con job as I see it) I hope Trump will overturn it and set things back to normal. I oppose the building of an Mosque or ANY Islamic center at or within a 10 mile radius of Ground Zero in New York. I will fight those in favor of this until hell freezes over and then I will continue to fight it hand to hand on the ice. Further I think the ban on immigrants from certain nations known to harbor and promote terrorism is a justified measure, at least until we can come up with better methods of vetting and tracking those non citizens we allow in the country. We did not inflict this measure on them those who refuse to point out, denounce or fight radical religious terrorism brought this upon themselves.
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3 Responses to Leprechaun Laughs # 294 for Wednesday April 8th 2015

  1. Ginny says:

    Great “THUMBS UP” issue. Love the progress of the Recreation Center, far better than expected.
    Even with the set-backs, it will be a fun place for all invited guests….WOO HOO!!!!!

  2. Tom Harlander says:

    I’m amazed that no one pointed out the irony (or is it hypocrisy?) of a school named for “liberty” being in the position of forcing under penalty of monetary fines attendance at a political rally. Either liberty doesn’t mean what I believed it does, or Liberty doesn’t stand for liberty after all.

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Uhhh…I do believe Tom that pointing out the hyprocracy was what I was attempting.
      However for one I’m not suprised that the Administration of Liberty University didn’t care.
      Having recently completed a semister at a local college on my dime I was both annoied and
      appaled at the way the people who are paying for the education are treated, the illogical positons
      taken by some of the fac ulity and the administration as well as the level of overall assinine
      stupidity and ineptness which pervaded the entire institution.

      I was reminded of the old adage: “If you can’t do- teach”. What nobody tells you is there is a second
      line to that adage: “If you can’t teach either then go into school administration”.

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