Dragon Laffs #1422


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As you enter the conference room, you notice the stage empty, the lights dimmed and most of the people were wondering around aimlessly, not sure what to do or what was going on.  There was coffee and pastries, once again separated into the members section and non-members.  Although there seemed to be coffee and pastries for both, if you looked carefully, you could see that the coffee in the members section was excellent, while that in the non-members was an off store brand.  As well, the pastries were home-made and being kept refilled by white clad servers and attenders, while in the back of the room, there were boxes of off brand cupcakes and scooter-pies.

As you sit on your cold stone bench or in your comfy, leather recliner, waiting for something to happen you notice that none of the regulars were here.  No Impish, no Lethal (although honestly, he was normally just a guest appearance on Saturdays) but also no Diaman or Ginny.  No George Gnoll or Terence Troll.  No mythical beasts of any kind that you could see.  The slight beginnings of worried alarm started in the pit of your stomach and you hoped that everything was alright.  Especially  with remembering how Impish had to go into hiding because the “Alphabet Soup Society” (ASS) (aka: FBI, CIA, NSA, DHS, etc. and most especially the DoJ) and their leadership ASSHAT (Alphabet Soup Society Head Antagonistic Turds – i.e. the maniacal POTUS and his chief minion the A.G.) was trying to get to Santa through your favorite blue dragon.

By the time you had sat there for a few minutes, you were sure that something must be terribly wrong and by the low muttering throughout the room, you weren’t the only one who thought so.  All at once the room went deathly silent as a loud click came from the front stage.  A long, thin door opened in the floor and a huge, 200 inch monitor rose up out of the floor.  When it reached its full height, the power came on and while the picture was fuzzy and still out of focus, you saw a lot of blue with a bunch of white in the background.  Over the speakers you could hear a familiar voice…

… thing on?  Hello?  Is this thing on?  Modern technology my left … oh there you are!

The picture clears up and there is the grinning face of Impish dragon looking out at you.  In the background you can see what looks like a barn and workshop combination.  Mind you, it is a very festive and modernized barn, being decorated in Reds and Greens; Bows, garland and streamers.

Good Morning Campers!  This is Impish Dragon coming to you from an “undisclosed location” (he says making finger quotes for the camera) where I’m hiding out and returning favors to the friends who repatriated me from the evil ASS and Gitmo.

From behind him you hear a high pitched scream, and the words, “I don’t care who he is, I want his fat blue ass out of my workshop!!!”  A wrench comes flying toward the camera and almost looks like, to you, that it bounces right off the screen.

As you can, hee, hee, tell…ahem… my welcome here is about worn out.  The favors have been returned and it’s time for my (he turns his back on the camera and addresses someone behind him) very svelte blue ass (he turns back around to face you) to get back home.  (Another scream and another wrench, this one bouncing off the back of his head) OUCH!  You friggin’ little elf monster I’ll kick your ass!

Impish leaps upon the figures behind him and as he moves away from the camera pickup, gives you a better view of what’s behind him and where he’s at.  Just before the video goes black, you see him land upon several small men with beards all dressed in green and red.

Words come up on the screen ….

The video feed has been lost.
Trying to reconnect…
Trying to reconnect…
Trying to reconnect…

As the words continue to scroll up you wonder to yourself if you ought to just go on and start in on today’s issue.

Trying to connect…
Yes, that’s a very good idea.  Go ahead and start today’s issue.
Trying to connect…

Did I say that out loud, you think.  I’m pretty sure I just thought I ought to go to the issue.

Trying to reconnect…
Nope.  You said it out loud.
Trying to reconnect…

You think hard to yourself, No.  I did not say it out loud.  What the hell is going on here?

Trying to reconnect…
Yes you did.
Trying to reconnect…
And what’s going on here is that I’m:
Trying to reconnect…

No I didn’t, you think.  Asshat!

Trying to reconnect…
Yes you did.
Trying to reconnect…
Dickwad!
Trying to reconnect…

Enough of this.  I’m going on to the issue!

Trying to reconnect….
Good….

AND DON’T YOU SAY ANOTHER WORD!  You think harshly.

Trying to reconnect…
Thibbit!!!!!! (raspberry)
Trying to reconnect…
Trying to …. ah the hell with it.
And the screen goes completely blank.

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How many of you can agree with this one?

Thanks Ginny!

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older lady that she should bring her own grocery bags, because plastic bags are not good for the environment.
 
The woman apologized to the young girl and explained, “We didn’t have this ‘green thing’ back in my earlier days.”

The young clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”

The older lady said that she was right — our generation didn’t have the “green thing” in its day. The older lady went on to explain:
 
Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags that we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribbling’s. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But, too bad we didn’t do the “green thing” back then.
 
We walked up stairs because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks.

But she was right. We didn’t have the “green thing” in our day.

Back then we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throw away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts. Wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.

But that young lady is right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back in our day.
Back then we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.

But she’s right; we didn’t have the “green thing” back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blade in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.

But we didn’t have the “green thing” back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family’s $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the”green thing.” We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the “green thing” back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person.

 
We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off… Especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smartass who can’t make change without the cash register telling them how much.
 

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A guy goes to a gypsy fortune teller. The gypsy tells him his lucky number is five, he should do everything in fives and he’ll have great success.

So on the 5th May (the fifth month) he gets up at 5 am.He has 5 slices of toast for breakfast. Then  he walks 5 kilometers to the racetrack. He puts five $5 bills on horse no. 5 in the fifth race.

And sure enough, it comes in fifth.

 

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TWELVE TRIVIAL AND ODD WWII FACTS
 
You might enjoy this from Col D. G. Swinford, USMC, Retired and a history buff.  You would really have to dig deep to get this kind of ringside seat to history:
 
1.
The first German serviceman killed in WW II was killed by the Japanese ( China , 1937), The first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians ( Finland 1940);  The highest ranking American killed was Lt Gen Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps.
 
2.
The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old: Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age.  His benefits were later restored by act of Congress.
 
3.
At the time of Pearl Harbor , the top US Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced ‘sink us’);  The shoulder patch of the US Army’s 45th Infantry division was the swastika.  Hitler’s private train was named ‘Amerika.’  All three were soon changed for PR purposes.
 
4.
More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps.
While completing the required 30 missions, an airman’s chance of being killed was 71%.
 
5.
Generally speaking, there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target.  For instance, Japanese Ace Hiroyoshi   Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane.
 
6.
It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a big mistake.  Tracers had different Ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing.  Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction.  Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down.
 
7.
When allied armies reached the Rhine , the first thing men did was pee in it.  This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself      photographed in the act).
 
8.
German ME-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City , but they decided it wasn’t worth the effort.
 
9.
German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet.
 
10.
Among the first ‘Germans’ captured at Normandy were several Koreans.They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army.
 
11.
Following a massive naval bombardment, 35,000 United States and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands .  21 troops were killed in the assault on the island… It could have been worse if there had actually been any Japanese on the island.
 
12.
The last marine killed in WW2 was killed by a can of spam.  He was on the ground as a POW in Japan when rescue flights dropping food and supplies came over, the package came apart in the air and a stray can of spam hit him and killed him.

 

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Myth and Magic

Why is it that most of our weekly Dungeon and Dragons games end up with everyone attacking the dragon?

 

A priest says to his friend, the rabbi, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in real nice restaurants.

“I simply go in at well past 9 in the evening; eat several courses slowly; linger over coffee, dessert, and a cigar. At about 2 am, as they are cleaning up, I keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay. Then I say, ‘I’ve already paid my original waiter, who has left for the night.’ And, because I am a man of the cloth, the waiter takes my word for it, and I just simply walk out the front door as calm as ever.”


The rabbi, clearly impressed says, “Let’s try it together this evening.”


The priest agrees and books them into an expensive, 5-Star Italian restaurant . They both eat like kings and, just as before, right at 2 am, they are both sitting quietly after enjoying their very full meal.

Sure enough, a waiter comes over and hands the priest & the rabbi a bill and asks them to pay. The priest calmly says: “I’ve already paid our original waiter who has left for the evening.”

And then the rabbi adds: “And we’re still waiting for the change!

 

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Okay K2 deserves the slap for this one.

‘Way down the Mississippi River, two tugboat captains, who had been friends for years, would

always cry, “Aye!” and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.

A new crewman asked his bo’son’s mate, “What do they do that for?”

The mate looked surprised and replied, “You mean that you’ve never heard of an aye for an aye

and a toot for a toot?”

 

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I am not sure if President Obama fully grasps the economic issue.  Like he was asked today if he has any plans to make the dollar stronger? And he said, “We were thinking of making it two-ply.”

 

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And here’s a really funny golf joke, going out to my dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior

 

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up one Sunday morning and, realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.

As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn’t accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church!

At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, “You’re not going to let him get away with this, are you?”

The Lord sighed, and said, “No, I guess not.”

Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE!

St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, “Why did you let him do that?”

The Lord smiled and replied, “Who’s he going to tell?”

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The screen suddenly comes to life…

Hi it’s me again…

Lethal Leprechaun send me a message.  But, I really don’t understand what it means.  See if you can figure it out.  It’s the next video:

 

The boss called one of his employees into the office.

“Rob,” he said, “you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the post room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman.

Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?”

“Thanks,” said the employee.

“Thanks?” the boss replied. “Is that all you can say?”

“I suppose not,” the employee said. “Thanks, Dad.”

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Our Principal at our local school is no one to mess with and she rules with an iron…well…first, girdle, sword, you get the idea.  The snake, is actually our attendance officer.  Trust me when I tell you our young ones don’t often play hooky. 

This is a good one, from Date Line.  If you every find yourself duct taped….

 

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Now, in my own defense, this next one is appearing EXACTLY as I received it.  I changed NOTHING!

A painter by the name of Lethal Leprecaun, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. Over a short number of years, his fame grew and soon people from all over Ireland were coming to the town of Doolin in County Clare, to get him to paint their likenesses.

One day, a beautiful young English woman arrived at his house in a stretch limo and asked if he would paint her in the nude. This being the first time anyone had made such a request he was a bit perturbed, particularly when the woman told him that money was no object; in fact, she was willing to pay up to $10,000.

Not wanting to get into any marital strife, he asked her to wait while he went into the house to confer with his wife. In a few minutes he returned.  “T’would be me pleasure to paint yer portrait, missus,” he said.  “The wife says it’s okay. I’ll paint ya in da nude alright, but I have to at least leave me socks on so I have a place to wipe me brushes.”


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No dictionary has ever been able to satisfactorily define the difference between “complete” and “finished.” However, during a recent linguistic conference, held in London, England, and attended by some of the best linguists in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese linguist, was the presenter when he was asked to make that very distinction.
 
The question put to him by a colleague in the erudite audience was this: “Some say there is no difference between ‘complete’ and ‘finished.’ Please explain the difference in a way that is easy to understand.”
 
Mr. Balgobin’s response: “When you marry the right woman, you are ‘complete.’ If you marry the wrong woman, you are ‘finished.’ And, if the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ‘completely finished.’”
 
His answer received a five minute standing ovation.

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Two little squirrels were walking along in the forest. The first one spied a nut and cried out, “Oh, look! A nut!”

The second squirrel jumped on it and said, “It’s my nut!”

The first squirrel said, “That’s not fair! I saw it first!”

“Well, you may have seen it, but I have it,” argued the second.

At that point, a lawyer squirrel came up and said, “You shouldn’t quarrel. Let me resolve this dispute.”

The two squirrels nodded, and the lawyer squirrel said, “Now, give me the nut.”

He broke the nut in half, and handed half to each squirrel, saying, “See! It was foolish of you to fight. Now the dispute is resolved.” Then he reached over and said, “And for my fee, I’ll take the meat.”

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From the Distractify website. Are you looking for a good book to read?  Well, here for your pleasure and perusal are the:
100 Books That Every Human Being Should Read In Their Lifetime
I’ll highlight in blue the ones that I’ve read…

1. To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
2. Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austin
3. The Diary of a Young Girl – Anne Frank
4. 1984 – George Orwell
5. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone – J. K. Rowling
6. The Lord of the Rings – J. R. R. Tolkien

7. The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
8. Charlotte’s Web – E. B. White
9. The Hobbit – J. R. R. Tolkien
10. Little Women – Louisa May Alcott
11. Fahrenheit 451 – Ray Bradbury
12. Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
13. Gone with the Wind – Margaret Mitchell
14. Animal Farm – George Orwell
15. The Catcher in the Rye – J. D. Salinger
16. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn – Mark Twain
17. The Help – Kathryn Stockett
18. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe – C. S. Lewis
19. The Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
20. The Hunger Games – Suzanne Collins
21. The Book Thief – Markus Zasak
22. The Kite Runner – Khaled Hosseini
23. Lord of the Flies – William Golding
24. Night – Elie Wiesel
25. Hamlet – William Shakespeare
26. A Wrinkle in Time – Madeleine L’Engle
27. A Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens
28. The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
29. A Christmas Carol – Charles Dickens
30. Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
31. Brave New World – Aldous Huxley
32. The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett
33. Romeo and Juliet – William Shakespeare
34. The Handmaid’s Tale – Margaret Atwood
35. Where the Sidewalk Ends – Shel Silverstein
36. The Little Prince – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
37. Anne of Green Gables – L. M. Montgomery
38. The Giver – Lois Lowry
39. Wuthering Heights – Emily Bronte
40. Macbeth – William Shakespeare
41. The Adventures of Tom Sawyer – Mark Twain
42. The Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
43. Holy Bible: King James Version – Anonymous
44. Frankenstein – Mary Shelley
45. The Fault in Our Stars – John Green
46. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo – Stieg Larsson
47. East of Eden – John Steinbeck
48. In Cold Blood – Truman Capote
49. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – J. K. Rowling
50. A Tree Grows in Brooklyn – Betty Smith
51. The Color Purple – Alice Walker
52. Catch 22 – Joseph Heller
53. The Stand – Stephen King
54. Watership Down – Richard Adams
55. Ender’s Game – Orson Scott Card
56. Alice in Wonderland – Lewis Carroll
57. Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy
58. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes (Sherlock Holmes #3) – Arthur Conan Doyle
59. Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
60. Rebecca – Daphne du Maurier
61. The Old Man and the Sea – Ernest Hemingway
62. The Princess Bride – William Goldman
63. Great Expectations – Charles Dickens
64. A Game of Thrones (A Song of Ice and Fire #1) – George R. R. Martin
65. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter #3) – J. K. Rowling
66. Life of Pi – Yann Martel
67. The Pillars of the Earth (Pillars of the Earth #1) – Ken Follett
68. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Charlie Bucket #1) – Roald Dahl
69. The Scarlet Letter – Nathaniel Hawthorne
70. Les Miserables – Victor Hugo
71. The Chronicles of Narnia (The Chronicles of Narnia (Publication Order) #1-7) – C. S. Lewis
72. Dracula – Bram Stoker
73. Catching Fire (The Hunger Games #2) – Suzanne Collins
74. The Raven – Edgar Allan Poe
75. The Secret Life of Bees – Sue Monk Kidd
76. Water for Elephants – Sara Gruen
77. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter #6) – J. K. Rowling
78. The Good Earth (House of Earth #1) – Pearl S. Buck
79. One Hundred Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
80. The Poisonwood Bible – Barbara Kingsolver
81. The Time Traveler’s Wife – Audrey Niffenegger
82. Celebrating Silence: Excerpts from Five Years of Weekly Knowledge 1995-2000 – Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
83. A Prayer for Owen Meany – John Irving
84. The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks – Rebecca Skloot
85. And Then There Were None – Agatha Christie
86. The Thorn Birds – Colleen McCullough
87. The Glass Castle – Jeannette Walls
88. The Things They Carried – Tim O’Brien
89. The Road – Cormac McCarthy
90. The Odyssey – Homer
91. Mockingjay (The Hunger Games #3) – Suzanne Collins
92. Beloved (Toni Morrison Trilogy #1) – Toni Morrison
93. The Brothers Karamazov: A Novel in Four Parts With Epilogue – Fyoidor Dostoyevsky
94. Siddhartha – Hermann Hesse
95. Cutting for Stone – Abraham Verghese
96. The Story of My Life – Helen Keller
97. Outlander (Outlander #1) – Diana Gabaldon
98. Gone Girl – Gillian Flynn
99. The Phantom Tollbooth – Norton Juster
100. From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler – E. L. Konigsburg

Hmm, 50 … exactly half.  Has anyone read any more?  Let me know…and if you have an absolute favorite on the list, let me know that too.

For me, my Favorite was Ender’s Game.  I’ve read it over and over again and love it each time.  Well, then there is A Game of Thrones…that was great, too.  Oh and Lord of the Flies….and Catcher in the Rye and….oh heck, there were lots and lots of them that were really special to me.  What about you?

 

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Here’s a really good essay that should get you thinking and relates really well to today’s Last Word…

 

I remember my high school history teacher as “Does history repeat itself?” Then he had us read The Third Reich, some called him a fascist and others a commie… he was an veteran marine and very good teacher

A German’s View on Islam – well worth reading.

This is one of the best explanations of the Muslim terrorist situation I have ever read. His references to past history are accurate and clear. Not long, easy to understand, and well worth the read. The author of this email is Dr. Emanuel Tanya, a well-known and well-respected psychiatrist. A man, whose family was German aristocracy prior to World War II, owned a number of large industries and estates.

When asked how many German people were true Nazis, the answer he gave can guide our attitude toward fanaticism.

‘Very few people were true Nazis,’ he said, ‘but many enjoyed the return of German pride, and many more were too busy to care. I was one of those who just thought the Nazis were a bunch of fools. So, the majority just sat back and let it all happen. Then, before we knew it, they owned us, and we had lost control, and the end of the world had come.’

‘My family lost everything. I ended up in a concentration camp and the Allies destroyed my factories.’

‘We are told again and again by ‘experts’ and ‘talking heads’ that Islam is a religion of peace and that the vast majority of Muslims just want to live in peace. Although this unqualified assertion may be true, it is entirely irrelevant. It is meaningless fluff meant to make us feel better, and meant to somehow diminish the spectre of fanatics rampaging across the globe in the name of Islam.’

‘The fact is that the fanatics rule Islam at this moment in history. It is the fanatics who march. It is the fanatics who wage any one of 50 shooting wars worldwide. It is the fanatics who systematically slaughter Christian or tribal groups throughout Africa and are gradually taking over the entire continent in an Islamic wave.

It is the fanatics who bomb, behead, murder, or honor-kill. It is the fanatics who take over mosque after mosque. It is the fanatics who zealously spread the stoning and hanging of rape victims and homosexuals. It is the fanatics who teach their young to kill and to become suicide bombers.’

‘The hard, quantifiable fact is that the peaceful majority, the ‘silent majority,’ is cowed and extraneous. Communist Russia was comprised of Russians who just wanted to live in peace, yet the Russian Communists were responsible for the murder of about 20 million people. The peaceful majority were irrelevant. China ‘s huge population was peaceful as well, but Chinese Communists managed to kill a staggering 70 million people.’

‘The average Japanese individual prior to World War II was not a warmongering sadist. Yet, Japan murdered and slaughtered its way across South East Asian an orgy of killing that included the systematic murder of 12 million Chinese civilians; most killed by sword, shovel, and bayonet. And who can forget Rwanda , which collapsed into butchery? Could it not be said that the majority of Rwandans were ‘peace loving’?

‘History lessons are often incredibly simple and blunt, yet for all our powers of reason, we often miss the most basic and uncomplicated of points: peace-loving Muslims have been made irrelevant by their silence. Peace-loving Muslims will become our enemy if they don’t speak up, because like my friend from Germany , they will awaken one day and find that the fanatics own them, and the end of their world will have begun.’

‘Peace-loving Germans, Japanese, Chinese, Russians, Rwandans, Serbs, Afghans, Iraqis, Palestinians, Somalis, Nigerians, Algerians, and many others have died because the peaceful majority did not speak up until it was too late.’

‘Now Islamic prayers have been introduced in Toronto and other public schools in Ontario and yes, in Ottawa too, while the Lord’s Prayer was removed (due to being so offensive?). The Islamic way may be peaceful for the time being in our country until the fanatics move in.’

‘In Australia and indeed in many countries around the world, many of the most commonly consumed food items have the halal emblem on them. Just look at the back of some of the most popular chocolate bars, and at other food items in your local supermarket. Food on aircraft have the halal emblem just to appease the privileged minority who are now rapidly expanding within the nation’s shores.’

‘In the U.K, the Muslim communities refuse to integrate and there are now dozens of “no-go” zones within major cities across the country that the police force dare not intrude upon. Sharia law prevails there, because the Muslim community in those areas refuse to acknowledge British law.’

‘As for us who watch it all unfold, we must pay attention to the only group that counts – the fanatics who threaten our way of life.’

Lastly, anyone who doubts that the issue is serious and just deletes this email without sending it on, is contributing to the passiveness that allows the problems to expand.

Campers, I can’t emphasize enough that we just aren’t taking this problem seriously enough.  Too many people don’t see how we are losing day by day.  We need a more aggressive plan to deal with the terrorists.  I do not want my children and grand-children to grow up in this world or what will definitely be worse if we don’t do something about it.
 

Ever have one of those days?  Like every Monday?  Or with my last week….Every Friggin’ day!!!

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False Hope

Here's the deal

Heroes

heroism

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hey dude

 

This has got to be the cutest commercial I have ever seen!  Thanks to Ginny for sharing this one.

 

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A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real.
He asked his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raised his hand and said, “He’s in heaven.”

Mary was called on and answered, “He’s in my heart.”

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, “I know, I know! He’s in our bathroom!!!”

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.

Little Johnny said, “Well… every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ!!, are you still in there !!”

 

 

1273

 

All of the ten senior members of the Board of Directors of the company were called into the chairman’s office one by one until only Bob, the junior member, was left sitting outside.
 
Finally it was his turn to be summoned.
He entered the office to find the chairman and the ten other directors seated around a table.
 
He was invited to join them, which he did.
As soon as he had sat down, the chairman turned to Bob looking him squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice, asked, “Have you ever had sex with Mrs. Foyt, my secretary?”
“Oh, no sir, positively not!” Bob replied.
“Are you absolutely sure?” asked the chairman.
“Honest, I’ve never been close enough to even touch her!”
“You’d swear to that?”
“Yes, I swear I’ve never had sex with Mrs. Foyt anytime, anywhere.”
“Good, then you fire her!!!”

 

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My Dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior, sent this to me.  Please take the time to read it.  It explains things so clearly, so precisely lays out the path our country SHOULD be taking.  And what’s going to happen if we don’t.

This is a most cogent and powerful essay on the threat of Islamic terrorism I have seen. Dr. Vernon Chong is, without a doubt, the most articulate and convincing writer I have read regarding the War in Iraq . If you have any doubts, please open your mind to his essay and give it a fair evaluation. It’s also eerily applicable to other current issues, such as Iran’s nuclear program, immigration, NAFTA’s impact on American jobs, trade deficits, etc. I had no idea who Dr. Chong is, or the source of these thoughts, so when I received them, I almost deleted them, not realizing how well-written as they are. But then I did a Google search on the Doctor and found him to be a retired Air Force surgeon and past commander of Wilford Hall Medical Center in San Antonio ….”

If you would like to see who this fine man is, go to this Air Force web site and look him up:
U.S. Air Force > About Us > Biographies > Alphabetical Biography Index

Moslem terrorists and the U.S.A. :
This WAR is REAL
!!

Dr.. Vernon Chong, Major General, USAF, Retired

To get out of a difficulty, one usually must go through it. Our country is now facing the most serious threat to its existence, as we know it, that we have faced in your lifetime and mine (which includes WWII).

The deadly seriousness is greatly compounded by the fact that there are very few of us who think we can possibly lose this war and even fewer who realize what losing really means.

First, let’s examine a few basics:


1 When did the threat to us start?


Many will say September 11, 2001. The answer, as far as the United States is concerned, is 1979, 22 years prior to September 2001, with the following attacks on us:
* Iran Embassy Hostages, 1979;
* Beirut , Lebanon Embassy 1983;
* Beirut, Lebanon Marine Barracks 1983;
* Lockerbie , Scotland
Pan-Am flight to New York 1988;
* First
New York
World Trade Center attack 1993;
* Dhahran , Saudi Arabia Khobar Towers Military complex 1996;
* Nairobi , Kenya US
Embassy 1998;
* Dares Salaam , Tanzania US Embassy 1998;
* Aden , Yemen USS Cole 2000;

* New York World Trade Center 2001;
*The “field” in Pennsylvania
* Pentagon 2001.

(Note: during the period from 1981 to 2001 there were 7,581 terrorist attacks worldwide.)


2 Why were we attacked?


Envy of our position, our success, and our freedoms. The attacks happened during the administrations of Presidents Carter, Reagan, Bush 1, Clinton, and Bush 2. We cannot fault either the Republicans or Democrats, as there were no provocations by any of the presidents or their immediate predecessor, President Ford.

3 Who were the attackers?


In each case, the attacks on the US were carried out by Moslems.

4 What is the Moslem population of the World?

25%.

5 Isn’t the Moslem Religion peaceful?


Hopefully, but that is really not material. There is no doubt that the predominately Christian population of Germany was peaceful, but under the dictatorial leadership of Hitler (who was a catholic), that made no difference. You either went along with the administration or you were eliminated. There were 5 to 6 million Christians killed by the Nazis for political reasons (and 7,000 Polish priests).

(see http://www.Nazis.testimony.co.uk/7-a.htm

Thus, almost the same number of Christians were killed by the Nazis as the six million holocaust Jews who were killed by them, and we seldom hear of anything other than the Jewish atrocities. Although Hitler kept the world focused on the Jews, he had no hesitancy in killing anyone who got in the way of his extermination of the Jews or of taking over the world – German, Christian, or any others.

Same with the Moslem terrorists. They focus the world on the US , but kill all in the way — their own people or the Spanish, British, French, or anyone else. The point here is that, just like the peaceful Germans were of no protection to anyone from the Nazis, no matter how many peaceful Moslems there may be, they are no protection for us from the terrorist Moslem leaders and what they are fanatically bent on doing — by their own pronouncements
— killing all of us “infidels.” I don’t blame the peaceful Moslems. What would you do if the choice was to remain silent or be killed?


6 So who are we at war with?


There is no way we can honestly respond that it is anyone other than the Moslem terrorists. Trying to be politically correct and avoid verbalizing this conclusion can well be fatal. There is no way to win if you don’t clearly recognize and articulate who you are fighting.

So with that background, now to the two major questions:


1 Can we lose this war?


2 What does losing really mean?


If we are to win, we must clearly answer these two pivotal questions:

We can definitely lose this war and, as anomalous as it may sound, the major reason we can lose is that so many of us simply do not fathom the answer to the second question – What does losing mean?

It would appear that a great many of us think that losing the war means hanging our heads, bringing the troops home, and going on about our business, like post-Vietnam. This is as far from the truth as one can get.

What losing really means is:


We would no longer be the premier country in the world. The attacks will not subside, but, rather, will steadily increase. Remember, they want us dead, not just quiet. If they had just wanted us quiet, they would not have produced an increasing series of attacks against us over the past 18 years. The plan was, clearly, for terrorists to attack us until we were neutered and submissive to them.

We would, of course, have no future support from other nations, for fear of reprisals and for the reason that they would see; we are impotent and cannot help them.

They will pick off the other non-Moslem nations, one at a time. It will be increasingly easier for them. They already hold Spain hostage. It doesn’t matter whether it was right or wrong for Spain to withdraw its troops from Iraq. Spain did it because the Moslem terrorists bombed their train and told them to withdraw the troops. Anything else they want Spain to do will be done. Spain is finished.

The next will probably be France .. Our one hope with France is that they might see the light and realize that if we don’t win, they are finished, too, in that they can’t resist the Moslem terrorists without us. However, it may already be too late for France . France is already 20% Moslem and fading fast.

Without our support, Great Britain will go, also. Recently, I read that there are more mosques in England than churches.

If we lose the war, our production, income, exports, and way of life will all vanish as we know it. After losing, who would trade or deal with us if they were threatened by the Moslems? If we can’t stop the Moslem/Terrorists, how could anyone else?

The radical Moslems fully know what is riding on this war, and therefore are completely committed to winning, at any cost. We’d better know it, too, and be likewise committed to winning at any cost.

Why do I go on at such lengths about the results of losing? Simple. Until we recognize the costs of losing, we cannot unite and really put 100% of our thoughts and efforts into winning. And it is going to take that 100% effort to win.

So, how can we lose the war?


Again, the answer is simple. We can lose the war by “imploding.” That is, defeating ourselves by refusing to recognize the enemy and their purpose and failing to dig in and lend full support to the war effort. If we are united, there is no way that we can lose. If we continue to be divided, there is no way that we can win.

Let me give you a few examples of how we simply don’t comprehend the life and death seriousness of this situation:

President Bush selects Norman Mineta as Secretary of Transportation. Although all of the terrorist attacks were committed by Moslem men between 17 and 40 years of age, Secretary Mineta refuses to allow profiling. Does that sound like we are taking this thing seriously? This is war! For the duration, we are going to have to give up some of the civil rights to which we have become accustomed. We had better be prepared to lose some of our civil rights temporarily or we will most certainly lose all of them permanently.

And don’t worry that it is a slippery slope. We gave up plenty of civil rights during WWII, and immediately restored them after the victory …. and, in fact, added many more since that time.

Do I blame President Bush or President Clinton before him?

No, I blame us for blithely assuming we can maintain all of our Political Correctness and all of our civil rights during this conflict and have a clean, lawful, honorable war. None of those words apply to war. Get them out of your head.

Some have gone so far in their criticism of the war and/or the Administration that it almost seems they would literally like to see us lose.

I think some actually do. I hasten to add that this isn’t because they are disloyal. It is because they just don’t recognize what losing means. Nevertheless, that conduct gives the impression to the enemy that we are divided and weakening. It concerns our friends and it does great damage to our cause.

Of more recent vintage, the uproar fueled by the politicians and media regarding the treatment of some prisoners of war perhaps exemplifies best what I am saying. We have recently had an issue involving the treatment of a few Moslem prisoners of war, by a small group of our military police.. These are the type prisoners who just a few months ago were throwing their own people off buildings, cutting off their hands, cutting out their tongues, and otherwise murdering their own just for disagreeing with Saddam Hussein.


And, just a few years ago, these same type prisoners chemically killed 400,000 of their own people for the same reason. They are also the same type of enemy fighters who recently were burning Americans and dragging their charred corpses through the streets of Iraq . And, still more recently, the same type of enemy that was and is providing videos to all news sources internationally of the beheading of American prisoners they held.

Compare this with some of our press and politicians, who for several days have thought and talked about nothing else but the “humiliating” of some Moslem prisoners — not burning them, not dragging their charred corpses through the streets, not beheading them, but “humiliating” them.

Can they be for real?


The politicians and pundits have even talked of impeachment of the Secretary of Defense. If this doesn’t show the complete lack of comprehension and understanding of the seriousness of the enemy we are fighting, the life and death struggle we are in, and the disastrous results of losing this war, nothing can.

To bring our country to a virtual political standstill over this prisoner issue makes us look like “Nero playing his fiddle as Rome burned” — totally oblivious to what is going on in the real world. Neither we, nor any other country, can survive this internal strife. Again, I say, this does not mean that some of our politicians or media people are disloyal. It simply means that they are absolutely oblivious to the magnitude of the situation we are in and into which the Moslem/ Terrorists have been pushing us for many years.

These people are a serious and dangerous liability to the war effort. We must take note of who they are and get them out of office. Remember, the Moslem terrorists stated goal is to kill all infidels. That translates into ALL non-Moslems — not just in the United States, but throughout the world. We are the last bastion of defense.

We have been criticized for many years as being ‘arrogant.’ That charge is valid. We are arrogant in that we believe that we are so good, powerful, and smart that we can win the hearts and minds of all those who attack us, and that, with both hands tied behind our back, we can defeat anything bad in the world.
We can’t!

If we don’t recognize this, our nation, as we know it, will not survive, and no other free country in the world will survive if we are defeated.

And, finally, name any Moslem countries throughout the world that allow freedom of speech, freedom of thought, freedom of religion, freedom of the press, equal rights for anyone — let alone everyone, equal status or any status for women, or that have been productive in one single way that contributes to the good of the world.

This has been a long way of saying that we must be united on this war or we will be equated in the history books to the self-inflicted fall of the Roman Empire . IF, that is, the Moslem leaders will allow history books to be written or read.

If we don’t win this war right now, keep a close eye on how the Moslems take over France in the next 5 years or less, they will continue to increase the Moslem population of France. They will also continue to encroach, little by little, on the established French traditions.

The French will be fighting among themselves over what should or should not be done, which will continue to weaken them and keep them from any united resolve. Doesn’t that sound eerily familiar?

Democracies don’t have their freedoms taken away from them by some external military force. Instead, they give their freedoms away, being politically correct, piece by politically correct piece.

And they are giving those freedoms away to those who have shown, worldwide, that they abhor freedom and will not apply it to you or even to themselves, once they are in power.

Moslems have universally shown that when they have taken over, they then start brutally killing each other over who the few will be controlling the masses.

What is happening in Iraq is a good example. Will we ever stop hearing from the politically correct about the non-existent “peaceful Moslems?”


I close on a hopeful note by repeating what I said before: If we are united, there is no way that we can lose. I hope now, after the election, the factions in our country will begin to focus on the critical situation we are in, and will unite to save our country. It is your future we are talking about. Do whatever you can to preserve it. I reiterate: our national election is under way.

After reading the above, we all must do this, not only for ourselves, but for our children, our grandchildren, our country, and our world. Whether Democrat or Republican, conservative or liberal …. and that includes the Politicians and media of our country and the free world.


Please forward this to any you feel may want, or NEED to read it. Our “leaders” in Congress ought to read it, too. There are those who find fault with our country, but it is obvious to anyone who truly thinks through this, that we must UNITE, just like we did in WWII …

Lastly, I wish to add: at the risk of offending, I sincerely think that anyone who rejects this as just another political rant, or doubts the seriousness of this issue, or just deletes it without sending it on, is part of the problem. Let’s quit laughing at and forwarding the jokes and cartoons which denigrate and ridicule our leaders in this war against terror. They are trying to protect the interests and well being of the US and it’s citizens. Best we support them.

GOD BLESS AMERICA

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16 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1422

  1. justin says:

    loved the book selection, 43 is my count, I think you’ll are
    wrong about Jimmy Hoffa, I heard he’s swimmin’ with the fish
    in the Hudson River….

  2. Christopher Brugman says:

    Best Book, Anything by Louis Lamour

  3. Christopher Brugman says:

    Best Book read
    “The Yearling” author Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings

  4. Deborah says:

    All the Harry potter books, all the hobbit books, all of Stephen King books, and especially Enders Game, I love to read!!

  5. lethalleprechaun says:

    1.) Your answer to the question “Why is it that most of our weekly Dungeon and Dragons games end up with everyone attacking the dragon?” is quite simple.
    YOU always get caught fudging your dice rolls, padding your save & hit bonuses, stealing from the party and claiming kills that are not yours. Also you trip 90% of the traps in any given area be rushing in before the thief can chack for them and whine and cry if you don’t get every magic item to come down the pike!

    2.) My count for having read book on you list was 59. I was extremely greatful not to see ’50 Shades of Grey’ on there too!

  6. Henry says:

    I don’t know how you do it, but this the “BEST ONE” yet. What a great post. You are the best.

  7. Ginny says:

    P.S. Don’t tell Lethal of our plans….he knows some wild and crazy people!

    • impishdragon says:

      Sounds like a great plan! If I time my arrival right, we can have the pork roll for breakfast and than immediately have pizza for lunch… then maybe again for dinner.
      Okay, now I’m hungry, gotta go raid the larder.
      Shit!
      Where the hell is the larder?
      Where the hell am I?

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      I’d point out to you BOTH that:
      a.) Hoffa is DEAD which makes him WAY easier to hide than a live Dragon.
      b.) Hoffa got ground up in his own dog food factory and mixed in the dog food.
      Ergo there is nothing remaining to hide as his ‘remains’ got scattered by dogs over the back
      yards of most of Jersey in Aug of ’75.
      c.) If Impish wishes to emulate Hoffa I can happily arrange that for him. It will take far less
      of my time, effort, resources and simultaniously cause a great number of people who
      are disgruntled with him much joy. Just say the word you ungreatful galling Gekko

  8. Ginny says:

    You worry me so, are you sure your hiding places are secure? Come back home Jersey Boy…they still haven’t found Jimmy Hoffa….Jersey knows how to hide people! Even with all your hiding you put out another great issue! Just when I thought it was going to come to an end…you added more and more for our Saturday morning pleasure. Let me know when you are coming…I want to make sure your favorite pizza will be delivered on time. Or if it’s a morning arrival….Taylor Pork Roll and Egg on a hard roll.

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