Dragon Laffs #1419


Header99

Good Morning Campers,

It’s been a cold week here in Northern Indiana and for a lot of you elsewhere.  It’s been the main topic of conversation for most of the news programs, water coolers, and lunch rooms.  So, it would be silly for it not to be a portion of the opening of today’s issue.

Lethal Leprechaun has been busy with his clients and the tax year and all that business stuff, so I’ve been left to my own devices for the last couple of days.  I’ve tried really hard to stay out of trouble and I think I’ve done a damn good job of it for the most part.

I’ve had a couple of close…

There erupts an explosive knocking at the door.

Hang on a second while I find out who that is.

Diaman rises from her couch and goes over to the closed door leading to the back area of the ice castle, the same place the meetings have been for the last couple of issues.  She rapidly returns to our little blue dragon and whispers in his ear.  Neither of them realize that the small microphone, that Impish sometimes uses for these casual conversations before presenting the issue on Saturday morning, is still on and picks up her every word.

Imp, there are a few members of law enforcement at the door who’d like a word with you.  They were very polite, but I don’t think they will stay that way for very long.

Local LEOs?  From where?  We provide local security.  Who are they?

Um…I didn’t say local.  There is at least one representative from the FBI, CIA, DEA, FT&A, Secret Service, OSI, FEMA, and Homeland Security.  Plus a couple of guys in military uniform that I couldn’t identify and wouldn’t give me any ID.  What should I do?

I’ll work it out.  Ask them to wait in the small conference room.  That’s a love. 

Impish pats Diaman on the bottom and sends her on her way and returns to the rest of you.

Well my friends, it seems as though I’m wanted elsewhere.  So, I’ll leave you to today’s issue and check back in with you later.  So for now…

 

 

coollogo_com-2857922

It’s been bloody cold here!  Colder than Hell.  This morning, in Hell, Michigan, it was 7 degrees.  Here in northern Indiana, it was –1.  It was colder than hell.

Jean had something to say about the cold.

4c

4b

Yup. It’s been cold.  It’s been cold for a lot of us.  Those of you who are living in warmer climes are more comfortable, but you don’t get this:

4d

My view from work yesterday.  Beautiful.  Friggin’ cold!  But beautiful

 

1234

Yup, it sucks getting old.  LOL!

But, something else that sucks and will piss you off is this next article.  I’m warning you now to sit down and take a deep breath before reading this essay from the Common Constitutionalist.

Race Industry’s Dream Has Come True

Well folks – we may have hit rock bottom on the political correctness scale. Please make sure you are seated, belted in and your head is tightly wrapped with duct tape before reading any further. You’ve been warned.

Idaho, 2013: James D Kirk (no, not the Starfleet Captain – that was James T Kirk) was tried and convicted of “committing lewd conduct against a 17-year-old girl and sexually battering a 13-year-old girl,” reports the Associated Press.

In April of that year, he was sentenced to 20 years. Not enough, in my opinion, but such is life. The case appeared to be rather open and shut, be that both victims ID’d him, as did two other witnesses.

During the trials closing arguments, the prosecuting attorney, Canyon County deputy prosecutor Erica Kallin, stood in front of the jury and evidently felt compelled to sing, or rather quote a little ditty.

The AP wrote that Kallin said “I always think of this song. Some people know it. It’s the Dixie song. Right? Oh I wish I was in the land of cotton. Good times not forgotten. Look away. Look away. Look away. And isn’t that really what you kind of been asked to do? Look away from the two eyewitnesses. Look away from the two victims. Look away from the nurse and her medical opinion. Look away. Look away. Look away.”

Oh, did I forget to mention that the then defendant, now convict, is black?

Well, that particular song didn’t sit well with public defender Eric Fredrickson who “filed an appeal, saying that Kallin may have unfairly affected the verdict.”

During the appeal, Kenneth Jorgensen, the deputy Attorney General, claimed that prosecutor Kallin’s use of the “Dixie”

lyrics did not taint or sway the jury toward a guilty verdict.

However, the three judges who ruled in the appeal said that “enough doubt has been raised as to whether Kirk’s conviction had been tainted.”

Yet the judges wrote: “Nothing in the record suggests that the jurors harbored any racial prejudice or that they were actually influenced by the prosecutors recitation of Dixie, but the risk of prejudice to a defendant is magnified where the case is as sensitive as this one, involving alleged sexual molestation of minors.”

Still seated? Head still taped?

And with that, the three judges threw out Kirk’s conviction.

Yes, you really did read that right. Three judges overturned the conviction of a vicious sex criminal due to an appearance of racism, after publicly admitting that none of the jurors were likely influenced.

This is an absolute travesty of justice, even if the appeal is overturned. The fact that the prosecuting attorney, Ms. Kallin, was an idiot and possibly even a racist had no bearing on this particular case.

But this is the country we live in today – one where true justice will be turned on its head to mollify racialists. This appeal is a dream come true for the race baiting industry, and if allowed to stand will set a very dangerous precedent.

All over the country, black defendants and their attorneys will be advised to cry racism in the courtroom in an effort to induce liberal judges to see racial bias where there is none.

It will, in effect, become a black get-out-of-jail free card.

Okay, so can everyone say Bullshit at the same time?  This is completely over the top!  Get a new prosecuting attorney, and get his ass back in jail!  This whole racism garbage is getting completely out of control.  I’m overwhelmed at the stupidity of our country at the moment.  And it all starts with the Whitehouse and the administrations attitude that continues to compile this bullshit on our country.  Lethal, it’s time to buy our island.

1235

 

Diaman steps back up to the podium and interrupts today’s presentation.

I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve got to know what’s going on.  Let’s see if we can’t peek in on the dragon.  Lethal taught me a little bit about the controls for this… yeah, that ought to do it.

One of the screens on the stage blurs and when it comes back into focus we can see into the small conference room where Impish is seated at one end of the table and the members of “law enforcement” are spread out around the table.  The long, highly polished wooden table looks to seat about 40 or so people.  You wonder if this is the “small” conference room, what the large one must be like.  You can see the men and women arguing with Impish, several of them pounding their fists on the table, but there is no sound.

Wait just a second, I can get this….

Then voices come out of the speakers

…open to debate!  I will not give in to your demands, I don’t care how much my country “needs me.”  The last two words emphasized with finger air quotes.  Any parlaying of this type WILL go through Mr. Leprechaun, but as far as I’m concerned…

Impish looks directly up into the camera and smiles ruefully, wagging one finger back and forth warningly at the camera while reaching under the table with his other hand, he continues

…the current administration can suck my …

Suddenly the picture goes black.  Impish having obviously flipped a switch under the table that shut off the camera and microphone.

Well, let me see what else I can do, but for now, why don’t you folks go back to today’s issue.

And with that, Diaman leaves the podium and exits the room.

 

So how about a little good news?  And it’s cool, too!  From our dear friend Kim Kommando…

In 2013, 37% of American drivers admitted falling asleep behind the wheel, according to the National Sleep Foundation. Several studies have shown that being seriously tired behind the wheel is worse than drinking and driving when it comes to reaction time and judgment.

Even worse, the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration says that driving while drowsy is behind 100,000 crashes a year with 1,500+ deaths. Still, in the next week you’re probably going to be driving when you should be taking a nap, because you need to be somewhere. What’s the solution?

Self-driving cars are the obvious answer, but those aren’t ready for daily use quite yet. There are still some legal, technological and financial hassles to overcome.

In the meantime, Mercedes-Benz is teaming up with electronics-maker LG to keep tired drivers – and those around them – safe. This is a good step because technology introduced in Mercedes cars – side airbags, adaptive cruise control, automated parking, etc. – usually ends up in less expensive cars within 10 years.

Mercedes’ new system is called the Advanced Driving Assistance System. Scanners keep an eye on you as you drive. If the system notices that your eyes are closing too much, you aren’t focused on driving or you’ve actually nodded off, it can do a few things.

First, it takes over driving to keep you in your lane and at a safe distance from other cars. It can even brake if you’re about to hit something.

The car will use a stereo camera sensor to tell where everything is. It also uses this sensor during normal driving to dim the headlights for oncoming cars.

Once it has control, the system hits you with sound and light to wake you up. Once you’re awake, you can take back over from the car by moving the steering wheel or tapping one of the pedals. Hopefully, at that point, you’ll pull off the road to take a nap.

The ADAS package is part of a concept car Mercedes is showing off at the Consumer Electronics Show this month.

So, how many of us can use this car?  I know I could!!!

 

coollogo_com-53139351

michael_orwick_3_cleanup_after_your_pet.jpg_800dpi

Sometimes it’s harder to clean up after some pets than it is for others.  But, this picture is so misleading!  This blue guy wouldn’t have any problems, just show him to the dragon restroom.

 

And here we have four wise sayings from one of our wise(-ass) campers:

1. We all love to spend money buying new clothes, but we never realize that the best
moments in life are enjoyed without clothes.

2. Having a cold drink on a hot day with a few friends is nice, but having a hot
friend on a cold night after a few drinks – PRICELESS.

3. Breaking News: Condoms don’t guarantee safe sex any more.  A friend of mine was
wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman’s husband.

4. Arguing over a girl’s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Carlsberg,
and Budweiser.  Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.

K2

 

1236

I’m really enjoying these wonderful animated gifs.  But, I’m about out.  So send me more folks!

 

Saint Peter visited a woman and told her she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wants to get into heaven.

The woman said she would try her best.

Saint Peter visited the woman a week later to see how she was getting on.

“Not bad,” said the woman, “I’ve given up smoking and drinking but then I bent over the living room suite and when my boyfriend caught sight of my long slender legs, he pulled up my skirt, pulled my knickers to one side and made love to me right then and there!”

“They don’t like that in Heaven,” said Saint Peter. .

The woman replied, “They’re not too happy about it in Sears either!”

 

1237

For his birthday, little Joseph asked for a 10-speed bicycle.
 His father said, ‘Son, we’d give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $289,000 and your mother just lost her job. There’s no way we can afford it.’ 
The next day the father saw little Joseph heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ‘Son, where are you going?’
 Little Joseph told him, ‘I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait because she was coming too. And I’ll be damned if I’m staying here by myself with a $289,000 mortgage and no f**kin’ bike.’

 

1238

Boy, that’s not true anymore.  Even the kid’s shows are using language that is embarrassing.

 

coollogo_com-53343979 f2009082907

Here’s an artist’s rendition of our new, proposed headquarters in South America.  Now, I’m not saying we ARE moving, or to which particular small South American Island we are considering overtaking acquiring purchasing, but suffice it to say, that if the conditions in this country don’t change, it’s time to look for a new place to call home.  Cops not making arrests for fear of being assassinated, rapists getting released because of supposed racial prejudice, and all kinds of other stupid shit. So…there it is…

And just now, this bullshit:

BlackLivesMatter protesters are trying a new protest tactic. They are going to restaurants filled with mostly white people that have nothing to do with police or any case of brutality and disrupting everyone’s brunch.

On Saturday, January 3, protesters in UC Berkeley dreamed up an effort they called#BlackBrunch. With this new protest tactic, protesters decided to begin wandering through the “mostly white upscale neighborhoods” in Berkeley and disrupt their breakfasts, brunches, and lunches.

Organizers promised it would be an effort to disrupt any random business, none of which have any connection to police or cases of brutality, in a specific effort to attack white people as they go about their daily business. It is to be “no business as usual,” the protesters proclaimed.

In the words of one agitator, “We’re approaching our last brunch spot! #blackbrunchnyc interrupting white supremacy one brunch at a time.”

The #BlackBrunch protesters in Berkeley relied heavily on the claim that a black person is murdered by police in then USA every 28 hours. But even the usually left-leaning PolitiFact said this claim was false.

The BlackBrunch tactic was also seen in New York on Sunday where one protester claimedthat white people have no right to go out to breakfast.

Protesters in New York also used the “every 28 hours” claim in reasoning for the brunch disruption.

But one Twitter user challenged the protesters, claiming that one of them threatened her boss. Before resetting her Twitter account to private, Twitter user “Steph A” said “1 of your party of 30 made a death threat on my boss leaving me terrified in my place of work and unable to finish my shift.”

There is no indication exactly why “Steph A” suddenly deleted her website and set her Twitter feed to private.

If you can’t figure out why she changed her Twitter feed to private, you have your head stuck up your ass.  I’m so damn tired of this bullshit.

 

9

 

Diaman comes back on stage and without a word starts fiddling with the controls.  She looks up at the screen and back to the controls.  Back and forth she goes until quite suddenly…

Aha!

The picture comes back on again with no volume and you get a very quick look at Impish dragon holding up one of the men in a suit and tie over his head.  He twirls the man twice around over his head and rears back to throw him at a group on the other side of the table when the picture cuts out again.

Damn!

Diaman continues to fiddle with the controls

1239

I got home from work today (Tuesday) and found an envelope in the mail from the Publisher’s Clearinghouse.  The outside of the envelope said I had won a prize!  I won!  I won!  I was a little worried that it might be another one of those “you’ve WON the chance at …” type things.  And then I saw where it said “Check Enclosed”. 

Holy crap!  Maybe I didn’t win the $5,000 a week for life, because there were no camera crews and stuff hanging around, but a couple of thousand dollars would sure come in handy!

I quickly opened the envelope and this is what I saw:

4

Ten bucks.  Dang, I spent more than that on postage sending back all those stupid envelopes!  Oh well, it’s ten bucks more than I had before, but at least now, I can honestly say,

I WON THE PUBLISHERS CLEARING HOUSE SWEEPSTAKES!

 

 

1240

Suddenly the speakers cut in again and you can hear the very distinctive voice of Impish Dragon:

…with pepperoni and sausage…

before the sound cuts back out again.

 

A State Trooper was patrolling late at night off the main highwayAt nearly midnight, he sees a couple in a car, in lovers’ lane, with the interior light brightly glowing.
 
He carefully approaches the car to get a closer look. Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer magazine.
 
He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, filing her fingernails.
 
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the trooper walks to the car and gently raps on the driver’s window. The young man lowers his window. ‘Uh, yes,Officer’?
 
The trooper asks: ‘What are you doing?’
 
The young man says: ‘Well, Officer, I’m reading a magazine.’
 
Pointing towards the young woman in the backseat the trooper says: ‘And, her, what is she doing?’
 
The young man shrugs: ‘Sir, I believe she’s filing her fingernails.’
 
Now, the trooper is totally confused.  A young couple, alone, in a car, at night in a lover’s lane and nothing obscene is happening!  The trooper asks: ‘What’s your age, young man?’
 
The young man says: ‘I’m 22,sir.’
 
The trooper asks: ‘And her, what’s her age?’
 
The young man looks at his watch and replies: ‘She’ll be 18 in 11minutes.’

 

The picture cuts back in for just a second and you get a glimpse of Impish on one side of the table with two of the military men on the other side of the table, their jackets off.  Each of them have one of Impish’s hands in a classic arm wrestling stance.  They are both sweating hard and you can see the little blue dragon with his head back laughing, although again, no sound comes out of the speakers.

 

We’ve run many “specials” here at Dragon Laffs before, Calvin and Hobbs, Animal Chatter, all kinds of different picture blasts.  And today is one of my favorites and new.

coollogo_com-313312695

P1

p2

p3

p4

p5

 

 

This is pretty cool.  I’ve seen similar from the climbers perspective, where the guy had a camera on him while he climbed, this one is done from either a helicopter or a drone…  Nice idea.

 

Diaman stands up from the controls with a frustrated look on her face.  She glares at the screen and the speakers.  Taking a deep breath she turns to the rest of you,

Well, that’s all I can do.  I wish Lethal were here, he knows all the tricks and the override codes and all that.  This piece of junk, just doesn’t want to cooperate with me.

And with a loss of control, she hauls off and kicks the bottom of the podium and rattles it but good.  The speakers burst into life one final time and you hear.

No, I don’t have any Kings…Go Fish!

And another voice says, Mr. Dragon you have to …

No sir.  No I don’t “have to” anything.  You come into MY house and threaten my family, THEN you want my help?  Now you’re going to tell me what I HAVE to do?  That’s just bullshit and you can take THAT back to that ass-wipe you call a boss!

Um… I was only going to say that you still have to discard.

And the speakers cut out again.

So yeah.  I’ve got no idea what’s going on.  But, stay tuned for more.  Hopefully more answers.  Enjoy the rest of the issue.

Motivate

How about a special motivational (Demotivational) run on “Have you ever been so…”  This should be fun, right?
Um…right?
Have you ever been so angry

Have you ever been so drunk

I’ve been angry enough to flip some desks, but never a tank, no.

Oh, and never drunk enough to flip anything…other than other people off.

Have you ever been so mad

Nope.  Never, ever been that mad.

Have you ever been so mad2

No….but I have been so mad that I’ve attacked a house with my fists….

I lost, by the way.

have-you-ever-been-so-angry-thumb

Well, not cause I was angry, that’s for sure.

And how about one for the road?

guts

 

10

and here’s another one…

10a

And how about a couple of the dragon…

9n

9o

9p

4a

Now this!  This is the wine that needs to be on my wine rack!

4e

So many, many categories that fit!  My oh my.

 

4f

 

1243

 

1244

And that’s the perfect feeling and aspect to lead into today’s finale…

coollogo_com-9566296

Rather than a rant, let’s go with another GeeWiz, ain’t this interesting one.  This one will be familiar to most of you old vets out there.  Especially, if you’ve been around long enough to remember World War II.

KILROY WAS HERE!

6

6a

He is engraved in stone in the National War Memorial in Washington, DC, back in a small alcove where very few people have seen it. 
For the WWII generation, this will bring back memories. 
For you younger folks, it’s a bit of trivia that is a part of our American history. 
Anyone born in 1913 to about 1950, is familiar with Kilroy. 
No one knew why he was so well known, but everybody seemed to get into it.  

So who was Kilroy?

6b

In 1946 the American Transit Association, through its radio program, “Speak to America,” sponsored a nationwide contest to find the real Kilroy, offering a prize of a real trolley car to the person who could prove himself to be the genuine article. 
Almost 40 men stepped forward to make that claim, 
but only James Kilroy from Halifax, Massachusetts, had evidence of his identity. 

6c

‘Kilroy’ was a 46-year old shipyard worker during the war who worked as a checker at the Fore River Shipyard in Quincy. His job was to go around and check on the number of rivets completed. Riveters were on piecework and got paid by the rivet. He would count a block of rivets and put a check mark in semi-waxed lumber chalk, so the rivets wouldn’t be counted twice. 
When Kilroy went off duty, the riveters would erase the mark. 

Later on, an off-shift inspector would come through and count the rivets a second time, 
resulting in double pay for the riveters. 

6d

One day Kilroy’s boss called him into his office. 
The foreman was upset about all the wages being paid to riveters, and asked him to investigate. It was then 
he realized what had been going on. The tight spaces he had to crawl in to check the rivets didn’t lend themselves to lugging around a paint can and brush, so Kilroy decided to stick with the waxy chalk. He continued to put his check mark on each job he inspected, but added 
‘KILROY WAS HERE’ 
in king-sized letters next to the check, and eventually added the sketch of the chap with the long nose peering 
over the fence and that became part of the Kilroy message. 

6f

Once he did that, the riveters stopped trying to wipe away his marks. Ordinarily the rivets and chalk marks would have been covered up with paint. With the war on, however, ships were leaving the Quincy Yard so fast that there wasn’t time to paint them. As a result, Kilroy’s inspection “trademark” was seen by thousands of 
servicemen who boarded the troopships the yard produced.

6g

His message apparently rang a bell with the servicemen, because they picked it up and spread it all over 
Europe and the South Pacific.

6h

Before war’s end, “Kilroy” had been here, there, and everywhere on the long hauls to Berlin and Tokyo. 
To the troops outbound in those ships, however, he was a complete mystery; all they knew for sure was 
that someone named Kilroy had “been there first.” 
As a joke, U.S. servicemen began placing the graffiti wherever they landed, claiming it was 
already there when they arrived.

6i

Kilroy became the U.S. super-GI who had always “already been” wherever GIs went. It became a challenge 
to place the logo in the most unlikely places imaginable it is said to be atop Mt. Everest, the Statue of Liberty, 
the underside of the Arc de Triomphe, 
and even scrawled in the dust on the moon.

6j

As the war went on, the legend grew. Underwater demolition teams routinely sneaked ashore on Japanese-held Islands in the Pacific to map the terrain for coming invasions by U.S. troops (and thus, presumably, were the first GI’s there). 
On one occasion, however, they reported seeing 
enemy troops painting over the Kilroy logo!

6k

In 1945, an outhouse was built for the exclusive use of Roosevelt, Stalin, and Churchill at the Potsdam conference. Its’ first occupant was Stalin, who emerged and asked his aide (in Russian), “Who is Kilroy?” 

6l

To help prove his authenticity in 1946, James Kilroy brought along officials from the shipyard and some 
of the riveters. He won the trolley car, which he gave to his nine children as a Christmas gift and set it up as a 
playhouse in the Kilroy yard in Halifax, Massachusetts.

6m

And The Tradition Continues…

6n

EVEN Outside Osama Bin Laden’s House!!!

 

As you are walking out of the room, the speakers crackle one time and you hear:

42!

Which as everyone knows is the answer to Life, The Universe and Everything.

Until next time my friends…

cheers3

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1419

  1. maggie culligan says:

    it’s MARVELOUS !!!! enjoyed this one so much,,keep it coming

  2. clyde says:

    Hey, I enjoyed kilroy bit………………

  3. John Z says:

    ‘KILROY” Brings back some good memories

  4. Ginny says:

    I agree with Henry. you guys keep getting BETTERER and BETTERER! In “Joisey” it means your submission of Saturday Dragon Laffs was filled with GOOD SH*T. Your make us all start our
    weekend with a big smile.

  5. Henry says:

    One of your BEST post ever.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s