The pilgrims didn’t use forks; they ate with spoons, knives, and their fingers.

We Gather Together – Celtic Women

The Top 5 Songs About Thanksgiving

1. All About That Baste
2. I Stuff Myself
3. Stairway to Heavin’
4. Who Let Their Pants Out?

And the Number One Song About Thanksgiving…

Do They Know It’s NOT F%^&ing Christmas?

Now we see everything that’s going wrong
With the world and those who lead it
We just feel like we don’t have the means
To rise above and beat it

If we had the power,
To bring our neighbors home from war…
They would have never missed a Thanksgiving
No more ribbons on their door

So we keep waiting
Waiting on the world to change

John Mayer “Waiting On The World To Change”
(paraphrased by Lethal)

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving but its also the official start of the annual madness that is the Cmas shopping season. Here are a few holiday cost cutting tips and tricks.

The Top 17 Cost-Cutting Holiday Seasons Ideas

17. Fill a fruitcake tin with mud and let it dry. Superglue the lid on. No one has opened one in 50 years, so you’re good.

16. Tell kids Christmas is January 25th; score everything 75% off.

15. Let’s just say that most Toys for Tots bins aren’t monitored by security cameras.

14. Two words: dingleball ornaments

13. Save on your shopping budget with a quick walk around the neighborhood, right after the UPS and FedEx trucks go by.

12. C’mon, your neighbor’s never going to miss that pine tree from his front yard.

11. “Sorry, kids, Santa’s in jail again this year.”

10. THE Christmas present for all your non-Christian friends: Say you’ll pray for them.

9. Re-purpose inexpensive birthday cards. Simply pencil in “, Jesus!”

8. Stand outside the grocery store asking for donations of milk, cream, sugar, eggs and nutmeg. Voila! Beg Nog.

7. Undocumented carolers.

6. Contract with North Korea to hang political prisoners from your tree.

5. Invite your psychiatrist and have a combined family gathering/group therapy session.

4. That’s not snow-frozen dog shit —- they’re Outdoor Lincoln Logs(R)!

3. Avoid the expense and headaches of fighting for the lowest priced gifts at the mall by just staying at home and punching yourself in the face instead.

2. Last year: Christmas shopping. This year: Christmas shoplifting.

And the Number 1 Cost-Cutting Holiday Seasons Idea…

1. Put a great, big bow in the middle of the driveway overnight. In the morning, when you lead your S.O. out to see their big surprise, you scream, “Oh my God! Somebody stole it!”

Thanksgiving Facts throughout History

The West Wing – Pardon a Turkey

Well I guess THAT explains all the complaints from the Butterball Hot Line about Impish!

Fun Facts about Thanksgiving Today

BAD PARROT

A young man received a parrot as a gift.

It had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the  bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and  tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite  words,
playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean  up’ the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot.

The parrot yelled back.

John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said  “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”

President Bartlet and the Butterball Hotline

You CAN use fresh or canned Dragon in any of the following recipes EXCEPT for the cookies. I have the feeling that locally its going to be very cheap the next few weeks if a certain dragon doesn’t stop his annual harassment of the cooking staff and assault on the forbidden territory of the Corporate kitchens.

Slow-Cooker Bean and Barley Soup

Ingredients

1 cup dried multi-bean mix or Great Northern beans, picked over and rinsed
1/2 cup pearl barley
3 cloves garlic, smashed
2 medium carrots, roughly chopped
2 ribs celery, roughly chopped
1/2 medium onion, roughly chopped
1 bay leaf
Kosher salt
2 teaspoons dried Italian herb blend
Freshly ground black pepper
1/2 ounce dried porcini mushrooms, crumbled if large, optional
One 14-ounce can whole tomatoes, with juice
3 cups cleaned baby spinach leaves (about 3 ounces)
1/4 cup freshly grated Parmesan Balsamic vinegar, for drizzling
Extra-virgin olive oil, for drizzling
 

Directions

Put 6 cups water, the beans, barley, garlic, carrots, celery, onions, bay leaf, 11/2 tablespoons salt, herb blend, some pepper and porcini mushrooms (if using) in a slow cooker. Squeeze the tomatoes through your hands over the pot to break them down, and add with their juices. Cover and cook on high until the beans are quite tender and the soup is thick, about 8 hours.

Add the spinach and cheese, and stir until the spinach wilts, about 5 minutes. Remove the bay leaf and season with salt and pepper.

Ladle the soup into warmed bowls and drizzle each serving with vinegar and olive oil.

I add sausage (chicken or brown & serve cut up), diced ham or cooked crumbed bacon to mine. I know of one cook who added cut up peppered beef jerky to his. Prebrowned off Beef shanks would also work well. If you don’t have the dried porcini mushrooms don’t worry you can substitute Baby Bellas or a cut up Portobello (remove the gills) or skip them entirely. If skipping I suggest substituting a can of Beef Broth for 1.5 cups of the water or adding a little powdered low sodium bullion (beef or vegetable)

Beef and Butternut Squash Stew

Ingredients

3 tablespoon olive oil
1 onion, peeled and chopped
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 tablespoon minced fresh rosemary
1 tablespoon chopped fresh thyme
2 pounds stew beef, cut into 2-inch cubes
1/2 teaspoon salt, plus more to taste
1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper, plus more to taste
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 cup Marsala wine
1 pound butternut squash, trimmed and cut into 2-inch cubes
1/4 cup chopped sun-dried tomatoes
3 to 4 cups beef broth
2 tablespoons fresh chopped flat-leaf parsley
Crusty bread, for serving

Directions

In a large soup pot heat 3 tablespoons of olive oil over medium heat. Add the onions, garlic, rosemary, and thyme and sauté until the onions are tender, about 2 minutes. Toss the beef cubes in salt and pepper and flour. Turn up the heat to med-high and add the beef to the pot. Cook until the beef is browned and golden around the edges, about 5 minutes. Add the Marsala wine. Using a wooden spoon, gently stir up all the brown bits off the bottom of the pan. Add the butternut squash and sun-dried tomatoes and stir to combine. Add enough beef broth to just cover the beef and squash. Bring the stew to a boil over high heat, then reduce the heat to low and simmer, covered, for 1 hour. Season the stew with additional salt and pepper to taste. Sprinkle with the chopped parsley. Serve with crusty bread alongside

Don’t have Sundried Tomatoes in your pantry? Me either. Just use some canned lo sodium diced or stewed ones instead. OR try dried cranberries (aka Craisins)

No Marsala wine? No problem! Use beer, red wine or stock (Beef or Vegetable). Last time I made it I had just about 1 serving of French Onion Soup left over and used that to great effect. I understand you can get if concentrated in a can now.

I usually add mushroom (Crimini/Baby Bellas or Portabellas depending what’s in the veggie drawer) and frozen Italian Green Beans for about the last 20 minutes of cooking.

Don’t like peeling and chopping butternut squash? You can usually find in frozen in bags though you might have a bit of a hard time with that around Thanksgiving. Don’t like butternut squash? Use sweet potatoes instead!

Coffee Spice Cookies

• Prep Time: 15 minutes
• Cook Time: 8 minutes
• Yield: 4 dozen

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoons Instant Coffee Crystals
• 1 teaspoon hot water
• 1/2 cup Butter Flavor All-Vegetable Shortening
  
• 3/4 cup firmly packed brown sugar
• 1 large egg
• 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups All Purpose Flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/3 cup chocolate decorator bits

Directions

1. DISSOLVE instant coffee in hot water. Beat shortening, brown sugar, egg, vanilla and coffee mixture in large bowl with electric mixer until light and fluffy. Mix in flour, baking powder, cinnamon, nutmeg and salt.
2. DIVIDE dough into two equal parts. Shape each half into a roll 7-inches long x 1 1/2-inches in diameter. Roll in chocolate decorator bits, pressing lightly. Wrap tightly. Refrigerate at least 2 hours.
3. HEAT oven to 375ºF. Cut rolls into 1/4-inch slices. Place slices 1-inch apart on ungreased baking sheet.
4. BAKE 6 to 8 minutes or until set. Cool on rack.

Chicken and Cornmeal Dumplings

Ingredients

• 2 medium carrots, thinly sliced
• 1 stalk celery, thinly sliced
• 1/3 cup fresh or frozen corn kernels
• 1/2 of a medium onion, thinly sliced
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 teaspoon snipped fresh rosemary or 1/2 teaspoon dried rosemary, crushed
• 1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper
• 2 chicken thighs, skinned
• 1 cup reduced-sodium chicken broth
• 1/2 cup fat-free milk
• 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
• 1 recipe Cornmeal Dumplings (see recipe below)
• Coarsely ground black pepper (optional)

Directions

1. In a 1 1/2- or 2-quart slow cooker, combine carrots, celery, corn, onion, garlic, rosemary, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Top with chicken. Pour broth over mixture in cooker.
2. Cover and cook on low-heat setting for 7 to 8 hours or on high-heat setting for 3 1/2 to 4 hours. If no heat setting is available, cook for 5 to 5 1/2 hours.
3. If using low-heat setting, turn to high-heat setting (or if no heat setting is available, continue cooking). Transfer chicken to a cutting board; cool slightly. When cool enough to handle, cut chicken off bones; discard bones. Chop chicken; return to mixture in cooker. In a small bowl, combine milk and flour until smooth. Stir into mixture in cooker.
4. Using two spoons, drop Cornmeal Dumplings dough into four mounds on top of hot chicken mixture. Cover and cook for 20 to 25 minutes more or until a toothpick inserted into a dumpling comes out clean. (Do not lift cover during cooking.) If desired, sprinkle each serving with coarse pepper.

Cornmeal Dumplings

Ingredients

• 1/4 cup flour
• 1/4 cup cornmeal
• 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
• Dash salt
• 1 egg white
• 1 tablespoon fat-free milk
• 1 tablespoon canola oil

Directions

1. In a medium bowl stir together flour, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt. In a small bowl combine egg white, milk, and oil. Add egg mixture to flour mixture; stir just until moistened.

Nutrition Facts Per Serving:

Servings Per Recipe: 2
PER SERVING: 369 cal., 10 g total fat (1 g sat. fat), 55 mg chol., 582 mg sodium, 47 g carb. (5 g fiber, 9 g sugars), 24 g pro.

Diabetic Exchanges

Vegetables (d.e): 1; Starch (d.e): 2.5; Lean Meat (d.e): 2; Fat (d.e): 1

Split Pea and Potato Soup

Tender chunks of potato make thick pea soup even heartier. This meal is guaranteed to warm kids up on cold winter days. If not serving soup immediately, let it cool completely, and then store it in airtight containers. It will keep in the refrigerator for up to five days and in the freezer for up to one month.

• yield: Makes 3 3/4 Quarts

Ingredients

• 3 tablespoons unsalted butter
• 1 large onion, finely chopped
• 4 medium carrots (1 pound), cut into 1/2-inch rounds
• 2 stalks celery, cut crosswise into 1/4-inch pieces
• 1 pound green split peas, rinsed and picked through
• 2 quarts chicken stock
• 1 bay leaf
• Salt and freshly ground pepper
• 2 pounds Yukon gold potatoes, cut into 1/2-inch pieces

Directions

1. Melt butter in a 6-quart pot over medium heat. Add onion, carrots, and celery; cook, stirring frequently, until vegetables begin to soften, about 5 minutes. Stir in split peas, chicken stock, and bay leaf; season with salt and pepper. Bring mixture to a boil. Reduce heat to low; cover, and simmer, stirring occasionally, 30 minutes.

2. Add potatoes, and simmer until they are tender, about 30 minutes. Discard bay leaf, and season with salt and pepper. Serve immediately.

Meghan Trainor – “All About That Bass” Parody “All About That Baste” (Thanksgiving Song)

Fun Turkey Facts

That’s Impish’s Holiday Dinner….

That’s a s deployed soldier’s holiday meal, IF he’s lucky enough to even get a hot one.

A  little preview of next years hottest selling Christmas present for guys

I TRIED to warn him we are what we eat! Just LOOK now! He’s turning into a Dragturkhamon and it’s not even Thanksgiving yet!!

Alright Lads & Lasses, originally the plan was for Impish himself to do the Last Word today. However in as much as he is currently sulking in the pool refusing to come out until he tastes Turducken indisposed due to a minor skin irritation received during his assault on the off limits kitchens, he’s sent this Bob Wydock fellow (who seems somehow strangely familiar to me from someplace) to carry on in his place. Mr. Wydock the floor is yours sir.

  Lethal gave me this wonderful opportunity to include a Last Word with his
Thanksgiving Day issue.
  So, to start out with the things that I’m grateful for, one of the first has
to be the good friend that I have in Lethal Leprechaun.  As most of you
know, we have never met in RL or real life, although we’ve been pals in our
mythological world for centuries.  He’s a great buddy, always has my back,
even as he’s directing bus drivers to my current location. [never actually proven]
  Not surprisingly to some of you, we spend a great deal of time in our
mythical world.  Spending whole afternoons in our world in text and emails.
  A special few of you have been included in portions of this arena, but
nobody has been privy to all of it.  I know it sounds a bit crazy, in truth
of fact; it’s a whole bus full of crazy at times.  But, it satisfies an
artistic void that would otherwise be filled with book writing, game
creation or RPG playing. [What?! We could have been playing RPGs? I’m talking to you less from now on Impish!]
  Anyway, that’s first on my list.
  Second would be my family.  My RL family, that is.  My wonderful wife who is
indeed my other half.  I’m not sure where I would be at this point in my
life if it wasn’t for her, but there are really good odds that above ground
and breathing would not have been one of the favorites.  My three fantastic
children, only one of which who is still at home.  I have six beautiful
grandchildren who I don’t see near enough of; two brothers who are still
amongst the living and one who has gone on to a better place.  Nieces and
nephews from my brothers and My dad, whom you all know as Papa Dragon Most
Senior and my sister who still dwells in the land of Jersey who I really
don’t see or hear from at all;  Still all loved and still all thankful for.
Because all of them, from the youngest to the oldest have helped shaped me
into the man that I am today.
  And that doesn’t even begin to count my extended family courtesy of my
darling Mrs. Dragon.  Let’s see, at last count there are 9 brothers and
sisters, 25 nieces and nephews, 17 great nieces and nephews, plus her dad
and numerous aunts and uncles.  Yup, family is a true blessing of mine and
for that I am truly thankful.
  Then there is my other family.  That would be you guys.  (Take a bow, all of
you.) You would not believe how thankful I am for each and every one of you.
You get to accompany me in the world I walk through, the world both Lethal
and I walk through and you get a glimpse at the world I alone walk through.
You are all very special and dear, an extended family of the best kind and I
am thankful and love you all.
  I am grateful to our military, currently serving and veterans, who have
voluntarily agreed to put their asses on the line between the evil darkness
out there and the friends and family we all have back here.  It’s a very
small and dedicated group we belong to and I am proud to consider myself a
member.
  I am grateful for the founding fathers who saw, in their infinite wisdom the
path that we must take to have the freedoms and happiness that we enjoy so
much in our country.  Even though the current times seem to have us
wandering off that path, I know, with the grace of God, we will get passed
this point and have our country continue to prosper and survive.
  And lastly, but certainly not least, I am grateful for my Heavenly Father
and the sacrifice His Son has made in my name and the promise of everlasting
life in His Grace.