Dragon Laffs #1407


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Good Morning Campers,

In this morning’s issue I spend a LOT of time on my vacation this week, so I’d like to just get a couple of announcements out of the way and then we’ll get started.

A great milestone was passed on Wednesday, October 15, 2014.  Ginny “The Jersey Girl” and her Fireman husband Paul had their 48th anniversary!  Paul has shown us the bruises and assures us that he has been happily married for 30 years.  When Ginny then smacked him about his poor memory and said, “No, it’s been 48!” he replied,  “Well, they weren’t all happy.”

Lethal Leprechaun has spoken with The Big Guy Upstairs and assures us that Paul’s Application For Sainthood will go through uncontested.

We (The dragon family) went to Louisville Kentucky this week.  It was a nice trip.  We did some really cool things.  It was the first time we (our whole family) has gone on a real vacation since Izzy Dragon was born.  Usually when I took vacation time it was for medical reasons, doctor appointments, surgery, doctor appointments, recovery, doctor appointments, medical tests, and doctor appointments.  Never have we ever gone anywhere just for fun.  And this was for ONLY two days.  Yeah, poor me.  Screw that.  I’m glad I’m still alive.  A lot of what I’ve been through would’ve killed me only 50 or 60 years ago.  So, anyway, let’s talk about our vacation.

01We went from our little town of Peru, Indiana and our first stop was this cool place called The Big Four Bridge.  Click on the link if you want to see more of that.  It is a foot and bicycle bridge that crosses the Ohio River from Jeffersonville, Indiana to Louisville, Kentucky.  It’s about one mile long.  We only went out part of the way, to take some pictures.  And, as you can see, it was drizzling.  It was raining or drizzling the whole friggin’ two days we were gone.

02 And yes, the third picture on the right is my lovely Mrs. Dragon and our Izzy Dragon.

I do have one question though…anyone familiar with Jeffersonville can answer this one for me, if you like.  03

What is with the friggin’ wall?  As far as I can tell it splits the city in half…or at least in pieces.  It goes in both directions as far as the eye can see from the Big Four Bridge.  Was the town of Jeffersonville under siege at some point in it’s recent past?  I say recent, because the wall looks fairly new.  Well, at least in the last say 40 years or so.
Okay, so I did a little research…it’s a flood wall and the area of Riverside drive is on the wrong side of it.  But if you look at the right hand picture, that’s a pretty big opening.  Is there a magical door way that closes up or maybe they pile sandbags there?  If you look close, there are grooves and what could be an opening in the ground so that a door could conceivably be raised there. Okay, so that was cool.  Thanks for helping me figure it out.

So then we went across the river, into Louisville and checked into our hotel.  I picked the La Quinta because I stayed in one in San Antonio a couple of years ago and it was really nice.  So, if you’re looking for a decent, fairly inexpensive hotel, they get my vote.

After checking in, our first visit was to the Louisville Slugger Museum and factory.  If you get a chance to visit Louisville, I hope you take the time to visit this spot…especially if you’re a baseball fan (which I’m not particularly) or even if you’re just interested in learning more about making something cool like a baseball bat.

01a  They didn’t allow pictures in the factory, only the museum, so you’ll have to go there yourself to see more.

 

Well, after that we went to the place we actually came down to Louisville to see…01b

The Louisville Jack-O’-Lantern Spectacular!  Again, click the link for more information.
The Jack-O’-Lantern Spectacular is held in Iroquois Park with over 5,000 carved pumpkins lining a 1/4-mile walking trail, illuminated at night as an “art show” daily from dusk to late.
Campers, that’s over 5,000 carved pumpkins.  Now, “carved” is a relative term.  These things aren’t just carved, they are pieces of ART!  Here’s a couple of examples:
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Neither of these pictures really give you an accurate look at the totality of this show.  It was incredible.  Here’s an in-depth look at some of the detail:

01dThere were thousands of these carved pumpkins.  They actually put them into topics.  Everything from the dinosaurs to the Vietnam War to 9-11 to the future.
01eThese are just a tiny taste of the whole thing.  Here’s a video to try and put you in the “feel” and the “mood” of the whole thing.

Highly!  Recommended!  We may end up going back again next year.  Maybe make it a yearly pilgrimage.  It really was that much fun!

After spending the night at the hotel, we traveled back home, stopping at a place called Clifty Falls State Park in Madison, IN.  As you can tell from the header today, apparently they have dragons there!
01fAnyway, as you can see from all these pictures, which are just a small taste of our little vacation, we had a well needed break, lots of fun and a ton of laughter.

Thanks to my lovely wife and daughter for the wonderful time.
Thanks to my buddy Lethal for keeping the office running while I was gone.
Now that all of that is over with, how about we get back to the laughter!

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1090This poor kitty tried to follow in the steps of the Lethal Leprechaun Kitty Ninja school of training.  He couldn’t pass the opening tests.  From what I understand, Lethal’s cats have far surpassed the training given them, so just beware.

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A suicide bomber died and went to heaven, as foretold.  When he arrived there, he met Allah, and he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his virgins, as promised.
Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.
Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, “Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because assholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you’re here to service them. Since they’re virgins, they’re quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you’ll be on constant, exhausting duty. And I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!”
 
The bomber responded, “Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?”
 
And Allah replied, “Who said anything about women?”

This is a GREAT illusion.  How the heck did he do this?

 

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Me and some wizard back during my adventuring days.  Who won?  Well, I AM the one who is here writing to you, not some wizard.

 

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Yeah…how about that?  Do any of you HONESTLY think that this isn’t the truth?

 

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Lethal saw this and told me that it looks an awful lot like me trying to land on my balcony in a crosswind.  I don’t know.  No.  Really.  I don’t know because when that happens to me I don’t remain conscious, so I can’t tell you if it looks like me or not.

 

Okay, ever wonder why you can’t wear metal into an MRI?  Here’s a hint.  The M stands for Magnetic.  Check out these guys playing with metal in an MRI

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Hey!  You guys want to see an iLethal Robot in action?  Now, this is not Lethal’s iLethal, but very very similar technology.  Right here in good old Indiana.  Indianapolis International Airport:

Switch the T-Shirt for a kilt……

 

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, “There were 2 boy kittens and 2 girl kittens.”

“How did you know?” his mother asked.

“Daddy picked them up and looked underneath,” he replied.

“I think it’s printed on the bottom.”

 

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Another three-year-old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed that the left shoe was on the right foot.  She said, “Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet.”

He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, “Don’t kid me, Mom. They’re the only feet I got!”

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When you call our corporate offices, the lady who answers your phone is one that we’ve had with us for many years.  Yes, she also doubles as security, but then again, almost everyone at DL&LL Electronic Media doubles as security when necessary.  This is Helga at one of our training sessions.  She’s very good at her job.

 

On the first day of school, about midmorning, the kindergarten teacher said, “If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers.”
A little voice from the back of the room asked, “How will that help?”
 
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A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table.
“What are you doing?” his mother asked.
“The box says not to eat them if the seal is broken,” the boy explained. “I’m looking for the seal.”

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This is going to be one pain in the ass to clean up.  They really need the help of a helicopter or a dragon.  Either one.

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This one is just a really poor understanding of physics.  Although, I’d bet if he just drove forward the problem would be self-correcting.

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So, I’m thinking the three guys, some needle nosed pliers, coffee and a couple of hours and this guy will be all set.

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You gotta love the priorities here.  Your kid or friend, spouse maybe is being eaten head first by a camel and you need to take the picture.  Nice.

 

This was sent as a David Letterman Top 10 list.  Not sure it was his or not, but it sure was funny.

#10. I vote Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever I want. I’ve decided to marry my German Shepherd.

#9. I vote Democrat because I believe oil companies’ profits of 4% on a gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon at 15% isn’t.

#8. I vote Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

#7. I vote Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody is offended by it.

#6. I vote Democrat because I’m way too irresponsible to own a gun, and I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers and thieves. I am also thankful that we have a 911 service that get police to your home in order to identify your body after a home invasion.

#5. I vote Democrat because I’m not concerned about millions of babies being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive and comfy.

#4. I vote Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take away Social Security from those who paid into it.

#3. I vote Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrat Party sees fit.

#2. I vote Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the Constitution every few days to suit fringe kooks who would never get their agendas past the voters.

…And the #1 reason I vote Democrat is because I think it’s better to pay $billions$ for oil to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish here in America . We don’t care about the beetles, gophers or fish in those other countries.

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Before we get on with this weeks poll, let’s review last weeks.  The first poll for Dragon Laffs.  First, we only had 56 responders in this poll, (even though we had 608 hits in the first two days) so I’m not sure this really gives us a true overview of our campers.  But, here it is anyway:

Poll #1

So, this shows that 70% of our campers are Vets.  I know it’s a lot, but I don’t think it’s that high.  Maybe when we get a little bit better participation, we’ll revisit this one.  For today’s poll, we ask an age old question…

 

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I tried to modify this for Lethal and couldn’t.  I’d either have to change it to a letter from his dad or that I was older than him or something… so instead, I’ll just present it as a joke sent to me by my dad, Papa Dragon Most Senior.  Now, after all that, this COULD have been written about Lethal…

 

MY FIRST IRISH DRINK WITH MY SON

 

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house.

I got him a Guinness. He didn’t like it, so I drank it.

Then I got him a Stroh’s, he didn’t like that either, so I drank it.

It was the same with the Molson’s and the Labatt’s.

I thought maybe he’d like whiskey better than beer so we tried a few of those.

He didn’t like that either.

By the time I decided he just didn’t like to drink, I could hardly push the stroller back home.

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Go To Hell

go to sleep

Goals

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It’s a little blurry so I’ll help you out.  It says: Goals: Focus on your goals… just don’t get caught focusing.

Yeah, I know.  It’s tough to read.  Even tougher after staring at the picture.

Goats

Also, Goats: They’re figgin’ weird!

 

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We spent the morning on Friday going to the Pumpkin Patch.  I sent a couple of them over to my private pie bakery.  This was one of fourteen deliveries done for me today.

 

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A group of 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders, accompanied by two female teachers, went on a field trip to the local racetrack (Churchill Downs) to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry (Bourbon) but mostly to see the horses.
When it was time to take the children to the bathroom, it was decided that the girls would go
with one teacher and the boys would go with the other. The teacher assigned to the boys was waiting outside the men’s room when one of the boys came out and told her that none of them could reach the urinal.
Having no choice, she went inside, helped the boys with their pants, and began hoisting the little boys up one by one, holding on to their ‘wee-wees’ to direct the flow away from their clothes.
As she lifted one, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well endowed. Trying not to show that she was staring the teacher said, ‘You must be in the 5th grade.’
‘No, ma’am’, he replied. ‘I’m riding Silver Arrow in the seventh race, but I appreciate your help.’

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You guys have read stuff from Thomas Sowell on here before.  This is a pretty good essay on Ebola and the state of the administration and Obama in particular.  As usual, my comments will be in blue.

The Ebola outbreak in West Africa is both a danger in itself and a wake-up call for Americans — about President Obama, about the institutions of this country and, most important, about ourselves.
There was a time when an outbreak of a deadly disease overseas would bring virtually unanimous agreement that our top priority should be to keep it overseas. Yet Barack Obama has refused to bar entry to the United States by people from countries where the Ebola epidemic rages, as Britain has done.  Okay, so since when has Britain been the lead in keeping people OUT of their country?  They are almost being overrun by Islamists and yet, they are the example in closing their borders from Ebola.  That ALONE should tell us what side of this issue we should be on.
The reason? Refusing to let people with Ebola enter the United States would conflict with the goal of fighting the disease. In other words, the safety of the American people takes second place to the goal of helping people overseas.  That should’ve been obvious in Obama’s reign so far.  He bowed to the Saudi King, promised the Russians that he’d be able to do much more after the election and has been trying to welcome all those potential voters poor Mexicans into our country.  Promising billions of dollars of aid to this country and that and yet is letting Americans across the country suffer more and more.
As if to emphasize his priorities, President Obama has ordered thousands of American troops to go into Ebola-stricken Liberia, disregarding the dangers to those troops and to other Americans when the troops return. And what kind of protection are those troops going to be given?  Any?
What does this say about Obama?
At a minimum, it suggests that he takes his conception of himself as a citizen of the world more seriously than he takes his role as President of the United States. Undoubtedly At worst, he may consider Americans’ interests expendable in the grand scheme of things internationally. If so, this would explain a lot of his foreign policy disasters around the world, which seem inexplicable otherwise.  This would be the point in this essay where Lethal and I both say, in very loud words, “WE TOLD YOU SO!”  Over and over we’ve been saying this for YEARS!  This guy is more interested in the people OUTSIDE of the country he was elected to lead than those he is responsible for!  He is doing his damnedest to destroy the very country who elected him to power.  WHOSE FAULT IS THAT??!!  All the left facing, entitled, freeloading, lazy, good-for-nothing morons who voted for him.  It’s YOUR fault this great country is a shadow of what it once was.  (Taking a deep breath, counting to ten, drinking a shot and taking another deep breath) Okay, moving on.
Those critics who have been citing Barack Obama’s foreign policy fiascoes and disasters as evidence that he is incompetent may be overlooking the possibility that he has different priorities than the protection of the American people and America’s interests as a nation.
This is a monstrous possibility. But no one familiar with the history of the twentieth century should consider monstrous possibilities as things to dismiss automatically. Nor should anyone who has followed Barack Obama’s behavior over his lifetime, and the values that behavior reveals.  We’ve told you before, that he wasn’t incompetent, he was doing all this crap on purpose!
A few critics who, early on, sensed something un-American, if not anti-American, in Barack Obama, succumbed to the idea that he was not a native-born citizen. That claim blew up in their faces.

Nor was birthplace crucial anyway. People born overseas have put their lives on the line to defend America, and scientists who escaped from Europe in the 1930s played a major role in creating the nuclear bomb that made the United States a superpower. Conversely, the country’s most notorious traitor — Benedict Arnold — was born on American soil.
Whatever the reason, or combination of reasons, that led to President Obama’s foreign policy disasters around the world — with the crowning disaster of all, a nuclear Iran, looming on the horizon — it cannot be a simple lack of knowledge or experience. Various former members of the Obama administration are telling the same story, of information and advice from knowledgeable and experienced officials being ignored by this vain and headstrong man.  Again…told you so!  Okay, that’s enough of that.
Back in the 18th century, Edmund Burke pointed out that, whatever the institutions of government, most of the outcomes of what it does “must depend upon the exercise of the powers which are left at large to the prudence and uprightness of ministers of state.”
What did the American voters know about the prudence and uprightness of this untried man they elected president, as a result of his glib rhetoric and his racial symbolism? It is not just bad luck when a reckless gamble turns out disastrously.  What did those voters know?  They knew that the man was going to give them free-shit!  Gimme, gimme, gimme!  You OWE me!  I DESERVE it!  Without any regard as to who is going to PAY for it!  TANSTAAFL!!!!!!  (And triple points to anyone who can tell me what it stands for, what author made the acronym prominent and which book of his it was.)
No one knows at this point how big the Ebola danger may turn out to be. But what we do know is that official reassurances about this and other dangers have become worthless.  As ALL reassurances and official statements have become.
The erosion of Constitutional government over the years has become, under the Obama administration, a deluge of arbitrary edicts and defiant lawlessness protected by a grossly politicized Department of Justice.  All hail the emperor!
It may be time to consider reorganizing the institutions of government, so that high officials who try to reassure the public about medical crises are not officials who serve “at the pleasure of the president.” Nor should the Attorney General, whose duty is to enforce the laws, be part of an administration whose law-breakers the Justice Department can protect from prosecution.  Amen!
Amen
Thomas Sowell is a senior fellow at the Hoover Institution, Stanford University, Stanford, CA 94305. His website is http://www.tsowell.com/. To find out more about Thomas Sowell and read features by other Creators Syndicate columnists and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at http://www.creators.com/.

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    And again…. I get to use my picture.  This is number three.

 

 

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11 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1407

  1. paul says:

    POOR KITTY –
    OK RUBY – SHOW THEM HOW IT’S DONE

  2. Ginny says:

    Hey Impish finally got to read your latest issue. Been having major problems with my computer or as I call it my MAGIC BOX. I can see your wheels turning already….my MAGIC BOX in my laptop that holds all my friends and family. To me it’s magically how I can send an email to Diaman in California by just clicking a button. What can I tell you, I learned to type on a manual typewriter!
    Anywho…..your issue was outstanding. Thanks for sharing all your vacation pics, looks like you all had fun…even with the rain. The one item to make me really laugh was the camel eating the kid and the parents took pictures first.

  3. kevin says:

    great issue as always, heres the answer to your question
    TANSTAAFL – There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch

  4. Deborah says:

    Love the pumpkins!

  5. Henry says:

    Just a GREAT post. Glad you had good vacation.

  6. maggie culligan says:

    AMEN to the Last Word

    • lethalleprechaun says:

      Lethal here Maggie-
      I have been asking for years how and why it is that these people can go to outbreak crisis area for serious infectious & contagious diseases for which there is no cure or effective treatment and then fly home commercial air where people are forced to breath the same recycled air they are in an enclosed space for a prolonged period. Let’s not EVEN talk about the fact that upon their return they are not held in quarantine or medically screened prior to release back into society.

      If the military does the same mission they are held like lab rats for up to 30 days in some cases to make sure they do not infect
      other members of their units upon return but when it comes to the civilian populace… EH!

      I don’t see that as right, nor do I see there being any valid reason not to refuse to allow people to enter (or reenter) the country from areas in which the outbreaks occur. Freedom to spread potentially lethal infections and diseases IS NOT discussed ANYPLACE in your Constitution or Bill or Rights but the responsibility of the Government and Military to protect us against ALL THREATS certainly is.

      The Government and the Military recognize the destructive potential and the existence of Bio & Germ warfare so why are they doing nothing to prevent these threat vectors prior to them reaching our communities?

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