Good Morning Campers!
I hope everyone is doing great today.
I had a monstrously busy day today. Tis now about midnight and I’m still trying to put this issue to bed, as well as myself. So, the opening monologue is going to be cut short and I’m going to go right into the wonderfulness that is this issue of Dragon Laffs!
I know the tech tips are usually Lethal’s gig, but this one is so simple-easy that I thought I wouldn’t be stepping on any toes to pass this one on. How to take a screen shot of your cell phone. I know it’s easy, but I didn’t know how to do it! LOL!
Now we all know how to do it! Now maybe some of those crazy conversations that go on between us mythical creatures can soon come to you in picture form.
You know how at hockey games and basketball games they do that Kiss Cam on the Jumbotron? The camera swoops around the arena and whichever couple it lands on have to kiss. Well, one guy at a Minnesota Gophers hockey game came prepared with an epic response. You have to see it!
Can you see the dragon? Pretty girls are always wanting to pet us on the snout. It’s a burden this dragon bears with a smile!
A RETIREE’S LAST TRIP TO KROGER’S..
Yesterday I was at my local Kroger’s grocery buying a large bag of Purina Dog Chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think…I had an elephant?
So because I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.
Kroger’s won’t let me shop there anymore.
I tried looking for this one on youtube so you guys wouldn’t have to go anywhere to watch this video, but I just couldn’t find it. But trust me when I tell you it is WELL WORTH clicking this link if you want to see some young men perform a juggling act like you have NEVER seen before!!! http://videos.komando.com/watch/5059/viral-videos-youve-never-seen-juggling-like-this-before?utm_medium=nl&utm_source=tvkim&utm_content=2014-02-09-article-screen-shot-b
This is supposed to be Canada’s list of the Top 10 Stupid Things Wrong with America. I’m not sure if the Canada part is true, but I surely think this is a pretty good top 10 of our own stupidity. Makes me sad…
Only in America…could politicians talk about the greed of the rich at a $35,000.00 a plate campaign fund-raising event.
Only in America …could people claim that the government still discriminates against black Americans when they have a black President, a black Attorney General and roughly 20% of the federal workforce is black while only 14% of the population is black 40+% of all federal entitlements goes to black Americans – 3X the rate that go to whites, 5X the rate that go to Hispanics!
Only in America…could they have had the two people most responsible for our tax code, Timothy Geithner (the head of the Treasury Department) and Charles Rangel (who once ran the Ways and Means Committee), BOTH turn out to be tax cheats who are in favor of higher taxes.
Only in America…can they have terrorists kill people in the name of Allah and have the media primarily react by fretting that Muslims might be harmed by the backlash.
Only in America…would they make people who want to legally become American citizens wait for years in their home countries and pay tens of thousands of dollars for the privilege, while they discuss letting anyone who sneaks into the country illegally just ‘magically’ become American citizens.
Only in America….could the people who believe in balancing the budget and sticking by the country’s Constitution be thought of as “extremists.”
Only in America…could you need to present a driver’s license to cash a check or buy alcohol, but not to vote.
Only in America…could people demand the government investigate whether oil companies are gouging the public because the price of gas went up when the return on equity invested in a major U.S. oil company (Marathon Oil) is less than half of a company making tennis shoes (Nike).
Only in America….could the government collect more tax dollars from the people than any nation in recorded history, still spend a Trillion dollars more than it has per year – for total spending of $7-Million PER MINUTE, and complain that it doesn’t have nearly enough money.
And the Number 1)
Only in America…could the rich people – who pay 86% of all income taxes – be accused of not paying their “fair share” by people who don’t pay any income taxes at all.
”Every country has the government it deserves.”
One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the fairway.
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge knot on his head and the golf ball lying right beside him. “Goodness,” says the golfer then proceeds to revive the poor little guy.
Upon awakening, the little guy says, “Well, you caught me fair and square. I am a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes.”
The man says “I can’t take anything from you, I’m just glad I didn’t hurt you too badly,” and walks away.
Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun says, “Well, he was a nice enough guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I’ll give him the three things that I would want. I’ll give him unlimited money, a great golf game, and a great sex life.”
Well, a year goes past (as they often do in jokes like this) and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and asks how he is doing.
The leprechaun says, “I’m fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?”
The golfer says, “It’s great! I hit under par every time.”
“I did that for you,” responds the leprechaun, “And might I ask how your money is holding out?”
“Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in my pocket, I pull out a hundred dollar bill” he replied.
The leprechaun smiles and says, “I did that for you. And might I ask how your sex life is?”
Now the golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, “Well, maybe once or twice a week.”
Floored, the leprechaun stammers, “Once or twice a week?!?”
The golfer looks at him sheepishly and says, “Well, that’s not too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.
Yes! This is EXACTLY how I feel!!
It may already be snowing here, with what could possibly be the biggest snow event this year as you are reading this. Are you having a bad snow day? Well, this man of honor is working during the recent snow event in Washington, D.C., while the rest of the federal employees took a snow day off from work. And even better, Congress will be back in session soon to work on cutting his pay and benefits.
What did you expect to see??!!
Yup, you’re as sick and twisted as I am. I tried and tried and strained my eyeballs to try and peer into that back window, too!! Welcome to the club.
Although we might have done a lot of moronic things when I was a kid…remind me sometime to tell you the story of the shark fishing or the exploding balloons…but there was a limit, and even then, we KNEW when we were doing something dumb-assed stupid.
Just when you thought that all kids were rotten brats (okay, so a lot of them are!) here’s a sweet Valentine’s video to show you something a little out of the ordinary.
Revenge is a meal best served cold. Well, that’s what they say, but I say that revenge is best in a four wheel drift at ridiculous speeds while the butt end of the revenge is sitting in the back seat screaming like a little girl! Curious? Watch this next video and all will be revealed.
Well, at least he didn’t wet his pants.
Curious about the first video that this one refers to? Were you locked in a closet for the last year and haven’t seen it? Okay, so here’s the original one:
I want to shake the guy’s hand that wrote this…
Have you ever seen a Muslim hospital? Have you ever heard a Muslim orchestra? Have you seen a Muslim band march in a parade? Have you witnessed a Muslim charity? Bought cookies from a Muslim Girl Scout? Have you ever seen a Muslim Candy Striper?
Most probably the answer is no, you have not. Just ask yourself WHY??
Barack Obama, during his Cairo speech, said, “I know, too, that Islam has always been a part of America’s history.”
It has? Really?
AN AMERICAN CITIZEN’S RESPONSE
Dear Mr. Obama:
Were those Muslims that were in America when the Pilgrims first landed? Funny, I thought they were Native American Indians.
Were those Muslims that celebrated the first Thanksgiving day? Sorry again, those were Pilgrims and Native American Indians.
Can you show me one Muslim signature on the: United States Constitution?
Declaration of Independence ?
Bill of Rights?
Didn’t think so.
Did Muslims fight for this country’s freedom from England ? No.
Did Muslims fight during the Civil War to free the slaves in America ? No, they did not.
In fact, Muslims to this day are still the largest traffickers in human slavery. Your own half-brother, a devout Muslim, still advocates slavery himself, even though Muslims of Arabic descent refer to black Muslims as “pug nosed slaves.” Says a lot of what the Muslim world really thinks of your family’s “rich Islamic heritage,” doesn’t it Mr. Obama?
Where were Muslims during the Civil Rights era of this country?
There are no pictures or media accounts of Muslims walking side by side with Martin Luther King, Jr. or helping to advance the cause of Civil Rights.
Where were Muslims during this country’s Woman’s Suffrage era?
Again, not present. In fact, devout Muslims demand that women are subservient to men in the Islamic culture. So much so, that often they are beaten for not wearing the ‘hajib’ or for talking to a man who is not a direct family member or their husband. Yep, the Muslims are all for women’s rights, aren’t they?
Where were Muslims during World War II?
They were aligned with Adolf Hitler. The Muslim grand mufti himself met with Adolf Hitler, reviewed the troops and accepted support from the Nazi’s in killing Jews.
Finally, Mr. Obama, where were Muslims on Sept. 11th, 2001?
If they weren’t flying planes into the World Trade Center , the Pentagon or a field in Pennsylvania killing nearly 3,000 people on our own soil, they were rejoicing in the Middle East . No one can dispute the pictures shown from all parts of the Muslim world celebrating on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC and other cable news network’s that day. Strangely, the very “moderate” Muslims who’s asses you bent over backwards to kiss in Cairo, Egypt on were stone cold silent post 9-11. To many Americans, their silence has meant approval for the acts of that day.
And THAT, Mr. Obama, is the “rich heritage” Muslims have here in America …
Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot to mention the Barbary Pirates. They were Muslims.
And now we can add November 5, 2009 – the slaughter of American soldiers at Fort Hood by a Muslim major who is a doctor and a psychiatrist who was supposed to be counseling soldiers returning from battle in Iraq and Afghanistan .
Also, don’t forget the Boston Marathon bombing on April 15.2013 was done by 2 Muslim Brothers. That, Mr. Obama is the “Muslim heritage” in America
EVERY AMERICAN MUST READ THIS !
Muslim Heritage, my ass.
And if you don’t share this message, you are part of the problem!