Dragon Laffs #1370


Header83

Live, Love, Laugh!

Good morning my friends.  I hope everyone is doing well this morning.  I’ve had a pretty good week.  I graduated from physical therapy on Wednesday and on Thursday, the doctor said I could go back to work on light duty.  So, on Monday, I’ll be going back to work.  Believe it or not, I’m really looking forward to it.

As you might have noticed from today’s header, my little dragonette and I had a little father daughter project this week and we made our own homemade soft pretzels.  That was a lot of fun and the pretzels came out really well!  Delicious! 

Well, we’re going to jump right into today’s issue. So…

coollogo_com-14712666

Gotta love this.  Pure throwback to Saturday Night Live.  Father Guido Sarducci explains the meaning of life.  Vita est lavorum:

Finding out that most nuns are reincarnated mob hit men is not really THAT surprising.

799

coollogo_com-89903902

798

coollogo_com-14712642

a2

We are worshipped creatures.  Even this small mockup of our image is being raised high in the air for all to marvel and worship.          Or something like that.

I agree with our Native American population–I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as warriors, but nay nay….

We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

Let’s ditch The Kansas City Chiefs, The Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians. If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of the militant Blacks from the 60’s alive. Gone. Offensive to us white folk.

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population. Do you see a team named for the Confederacy? No! There is no room for any reference to that tragic war between the states that cost this country so many young men’s lives.

Besides, the South shall rise again!!
I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our football team names. Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres. The fact that there are birds on their shirts does not protect either the Arizona or the St. Louis
Cardinals—gone!

Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged as their way of life. We are talking the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children—and it is all about the children.
The Green Bay Packers and the St. Louis Rams–promote gay men. Wrong message to our children.

The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible spending habits. Wrong message to our children.

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity—a growing childhood epidemic. Wrong message to our children.

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates. Wrong message to our children.
The Milwaukee Brewers—well, that goes without saying…. Wrong message to our children.
So, there you go. We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. A high priority directly behind efficiently managing our country’s health care. Amen.

800

This one is called, “More NFL Bad Lip Reading.”  It is funny as hell.  I hope you enjoy.

801

Artificial Intelligence is no match for
Natural Stupidity!

coollogo_com-89903301

f2009071913

coollogo_com-135181883

This one is from our dear friend Kim Komando.  Here, in her words:
If this fun password guesser can figure out your login info, it’s time for a new password! Play the fun but sobering password guessing game 

 

3a

Ain’t that the truth!!!

Now THIS is MY kinda Gal!!!
3c

3b

 

 

Well guys, with the Super Bowl on TV tomorrow, you may find this video VERY interesting…”10 Super Bowl Facts That Will Change The Way You Watch The Game.”

 

And we have to have the commercials…but why was the uncensored version of this one cut from the line up?

Why was this “uncensored” ad rejected from the Super Bowl? Not because of Scarlett Johansson’s racy antics. Nope. The Super Bowl balked at the last line and left SodaStream basking in the free publicity of an “uncensored,” “banned” ad starring Hollywood’s sexpot-du-jour.

and since we seem to be doing another video issue, how about one called Lucky People. 

Which just goes to show you that it’s better to be lucky than smart.

 

coollogo_com-199371414

Wrestling

would

women drivers

wisdon

Winter

windows

wifi

Okay, so that last one was pretty bad.  Not quite a groaner, but just plain bad!

 

Thanks to Ginny for this one.  For you fellow aircraft fans.

X-47B: Pilots are quickly being phased out of the scheme of air power…..

Just a few months ago ( July 10, 2013 ) the Navy successfully conducted take-offs and landings from a fairly new nuclear aircraft carrier, the USS George W. Bush, with a new stealth jet called theX-47B.

What is so different about this plane is the fact that it is a ‘drone’. Yes, it is completely unmanned.  Drones come in all sizes, and the X-47B is likely one of the larger ones.

What is so ironic about all of this is, the fact that the enemy cannot detect a plane like this in the first place.  In the unlikely event they get lucky at shooting one down, there will be no human loss of life or captivity.  As you view the flight deck crew signaling the plane, they are simply signaling the on-board cameras, who in turn are being manned by staff inside the command intelligence center ( CIC ) onboard the ship.

Also check out the short distance this plane needs for a takeoff. Impressive Indeed.

coollogo_com-89903852

I want to take a second to thank Ginny publicly for her continued submissions to our Observations section.  Thanks Ginny, you make this easier and more fun!

President Obama in his State of the Union announced new NSA guidelines to guard against unconstitutional snooping. They are strict. The NSA can no longer violate your privacy rights and glean your personal information, that job has been outsourced to Target.
Target dropped its health care coverage plan for part-time store workers and blamed it on Obamacare rules . They’ll be alright. From now on, whenever Target workers want to pay for a doctor’s visit or an operation they’ll just use their customers’ credit card numbers.
Pope Francis declared that the Internet is a Gift from God during his weekly sermon in Vatican City. Democrats couldn’t be happier with the guy. First he softened church views on gay marriage, then he
denounced capitalism and now he acknowledges that Al Gore is God.
Weather Channel satellites show China’s smog is drifting across the Pacific Ocean and polluting L.A. It’s welcomed back with open arms. Los Angeles cleaned up its air twenty years ago and it’s made witness identification so easy you have to settle everything in court.
Just for the fun of it can some member of the “lame-stream” media ask Sarah Palin what she thinks of the Arizona Republican Party censuring John McCain for being too liberal?
GOP Rep. Trey Radel of Florida, who pleaded guilty to cocaine possession in November, will resign from Congress today. The most disappointed people? Democrats who were lining up to run against him.
Hillary Clinton says she hasn’t driven a car since 1996. Mostly because Bill is scared to death to let her behind the wheel when he is walking anywhere nearby.
The Royal Caribbean ship that reported 600 passengers with a stomach illness has returned to port in the U.S. That’s the last time the cruise line will have its Mexican buffet catered by Taco Bell.
In the German town of Rasdorf, a farm shed caught fire and exploded, reportedly due to methane gas from 90 flatulent cows. The cows all survived, although one was treated for burns. Maybe it was a bad idea to give old lady Leary that lantern.

3f

Things on my “To Do Before I Die – Bucket List” (okay, technically, #3 has to be done after I die, but you get the idea)

1. Buy 4 pigs. Paint numbers 1, 2, 3, & 5 on them.  Release them in the mall and watch security spend the rest of the day searching for number 4.

2. Answer the phone from a wrong number or a telemarketer by whispering: “It’s done.  But there’s blood everywhere.”

3. Have someone take my corpse after I’ve died, dress it in a superman costume and be thrown from a plane high over my home town.

4.  Next time I go in for a urine test, hide a small bottle of apple juice in my pocket.  Fill the cup with apple juice and carry it back out to the nurse.  Before handing her the cup, say something along the lines of, “My goodness, look how dark my urine is.  Let me go ahead and filter it one more time.” and then drink the cup down.

Okay, so what would be on YOUR list?

802

Okay, one more Super Bowl joke….

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl.
As he sat down, he noticed that the seat next to him was empty. He asked the man on the other side of the empty seat whether anyone was sitting there.
“No,” the man replied, “The seat is empty.”
“This is incredible,” said the first man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world and not use it?”
The second man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This will be the first Super bowl we haven’t been together since we got married in 1967.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else — a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?”
The man shook his head. “No, they’re all at the funeral.”

803

coollogo_com-89903732

coollogo_com-89903697

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1370

  1. lethalleprechaun says:

    Yo Impish!
    Couple observations on your issue as Editor in Sanity (or is it Editor Insanity/) of this rag-
    1.) You neglected to attribute that quote about ‘Flipping the Bitch Switch’ and its author is a wee bit put out about it. Mary Pat Christie wants you to give credit where credit it due before she makes good on her threat by having you done…permanently.
    2.) On a more personal level- Bro-Buddy Dude you KNOW I’ve always got your back even when it comes to your death and dying wishes> I at my own expense commissioned a custom dragon size Superman outfit replete with cape and real cloth o gold emblem and accents. The heavy lift sky-crane required to accomplish your wish is on retainer and contract to be available w/in 24 hours of your demise (and hopefully before I get arrested for being responsible for it).
    The problem is I’m unclear when you say ‘your home’ which one you are talking about. Are you referring to the home of your carcass, Grisson AFRES/Peru Indian or the home of your heart namely New Jersey? See from where I stand it’s an important distinction. If its the first and proper procedure isn’t followed you dropping out of the sky at great height and speed is likely to cause a ’99 Red Balloons Scenario’ I’d just as soon not be responsible for. They lay low period until something like that cools off is well lets just say Edward Snowden is likely to get a hero’s welcome back to the USA before the heat would be off me. On the other hand is were talking New Jersey well hell that’s just a normal Thursday morning occurrence on the Jersey Turnpike to see that happening though Chris Chrisite might want a say about the timing of it, which exit you block when you hit and for how long.

    I’d appreciate it if you’d clear this confusion up for me ASAP as you’re one generally seen to be one fat virgin away from having the big one.

    Regards,
    LL

  2. Henry says:

    Very GREAT post today, good video’s. After changing the team names, then we can quit keeping score so no one feels bad.

    • impishdragon says:

      You’re right Henry! We can quit keeping score; change it to a Nerf football and play two-handed touch so no one gets hurt. Heaven forbid ANYONE should be offended…

      Life is offensive. Get used to it. Thanks for your comment and for getting the point, Henry. It’s appreciated.

      Impish

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Why can’t we just do away with all men’s professional sports in favor of women’s longerie league? Who could object to watching the Victoria’s Secret Vixens trying ob the Fredrick’s of Hollywood Foxes for size? How about the GoDaddy Darlings gettig it on with the Land o’ Lakes Lolittas?
        I’d go on but I can see steam coming out of out of Impish’s ears already!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s