Dragon Laffs #1366


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Good Morning My Friends!

As you may be able to guess from the header, today’s issue is VERY video heavy!  There are some outstanding videos to watch.  So, follow the link, go to the website and watch the movies!  It’ll be fun!

Well, it’s been an interesting week.  Remember the snowpocalypse from last week?  Well, this was the other day:
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“Doo, Doo, Doo Lookin’ out my back door!” Another inch yesterday and another 2 to 4 inches tomorrow.  Normal annual snow average for Indiana is 26.2 inches.  As of yesterday, we’ve had 28.1 inches and the season is just about half way over. 

Can I say it just this once?  “Global Warming My ASS!!!”01Dragon coffee 2

Some bad news, our dear friend Lethal Leprechaun may be off line for a while.  He had a major technological meltdown at Keebler Towers.  It all started when the Liberals launched a coordinated land and air attack right after Michael Moore (The FAR Left dumbass film maker) came out publicly saying that Obama care was a mess. We both knew the end was near at that time.  Most everyone escaped from Keebler Towers and the Dragon Lair safely, we’re still checking for survivors and such; there are some Dwarves and Orcs that are unaccounted for.  A bugbear or two that are MIA and one pet firedrake that may have flown off on it’s own, but there are no definite dead at this time.  At 01Dragon coffeeany rate, poor Lethal’s laptop didn’t survive the assault. 

We’re fairly sure that it is dead beyond recovery, but Lethal is a true magician when it comes to I.T. electronics and my money is on him.  Otherwise, he’s afraid that it could be up to 8 weeks before he can acquire a new laptop.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that it may just be me for a few weeks.  I know how disappointing that is to a lot of you, but you’ll have to put up with it.  There isn’t a lot we can do about it unless someone has a spare laptop laying around somewhere.

Anyway, for those interested, the knee is doing better.  Physical therapy 3 times a week and doing as much as I can around the house and I’ll be back at work sooner than I really want to be.  LOL!

Okay, so let’s get this party started!

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Here’s a great video to start with.  Very timely.  Even though all of my favorites have now been knocked out of playoff contention, it’s still football…and there ain’t nothing better to do then watch a game, with family and friends, eating football food (PIZZA!!!) and beer!  Enjoy.

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Here’s another great video, even if a bit embarrassing for me.  Yes, I’m the one who thought it was a giant bowl of Cocoa-Puffs!  There is a picture floating around somewhere of the “Monster of Lake Michigan” with a large silver hump on its back.  Well, that was just me with my cereal spoon tucked under my wing.  To all the newspaper reporters out there who treated that as a real story, I’m truly sorry for the confusion.

Lake Michigan is full of these weird ice balls

If you live near the Great Lakes, you may have seen these super-strange balls of ice near the shoreline. They form as layers slowly build up around smaller chunks of ice. The waves shape them into spheres until they look like a gigantic, surreal bowl of Cocoa Puffs washing up on shore.

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Well, it looks like today is going to be a video day, cause here’s another one.  This one is a bit more serious than the others.  Immigration reform explained with gumballs.  Watch this one.  It’s important.

This one was sent by my dad.  Thanks for the enlightenment, Dad.

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When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had Sex.

“Tarzan not know Sex,” he replied.

Jane explained to him what Sex was.

Tarzan said, “Oh ….Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree.”

Horrified, Jane said, “Tarzan, you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it properly.”

She took off her clothing, and lay down on the ground.

“Here,” she said, pointing to her privates, “you must put it in here.”

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood, stepped closer to her, and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually, she managed to gasp for air, and screamed, “What did you do that for?!”

Tarzan replied, “Check for squirrel.”

 

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Joe the Plumber

Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come and fix it.
 
Joe drives to Obama’s house, which is located in a very nice neighborhood and where it’s clear that all the residents make more than $250,000 per year.
 
Joe arrives and takes his tools into the house. Joe is led to the room that contains the leaky pipe under a sink. Joe assesses the problem and tells Obama, who is standing near the door, that it’s an easy repair that will take less than 10 minutes.
 
Obama asks Joe how much it will cost. Joe immediately says, “$9,500.”“$9,500?” Obama asks, stunned, “But you said it’s an easy repair!”

“Yes, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than $250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free,” explains Joe. “It’s always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied government to pass this philosophy as law, and it did pass earlier this year, so now all plumbers have to do business this way. It’s known as ‘Joe’s Fair Plumbing Act of 2013.’ Surprised you haven’t heard of it.”

 
In spite of that, Obama tells Joe there’s no way he’s paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe leaves. Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book looking for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses listed have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Joe’s price, Obama does nothing. The leak under Obama’s sink goes unrepaired for the next several days.
 
A week later the leak is so bad that Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour, and there’s a risk that the room will flood, so Obama calls Joe and pleads with him to return. Joe goes back to Obama’s house, looks at the leaky pipe, and says, “Let’s see – this will cost you about $21,000.”
 
“A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!” Obama quickly fires back.
 
Joe explains the reason for the dramatic increase. “Well, because of the ‘Joe’s Fair Plumbing Act,’ a lot of rich people are learning how to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all the free plumbing I’m doing for the people who make less than $250,000. As a result, the rate I have to charge my wealthy paying customers rises every day.

I’ve got nothing more to say about that…well…except…ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION, AMERICA???!!!

 

So, anyone out there still texting while driving?  Well, this idiot is…

And the whole thing is caught on the cops dash cam!

 

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We try very hard to be non-political around here…well, in the sense that we haven’t, as yet, chosen a candidate to back.  Now, everyone also knows that I’m from New Jersey.  (Yes, for all of you out there cracking jokes, I’m a Jersey Dragon) So, it would not have been odd at all for Chris Christie to give me a call for some advice.  We’re both Jersey boys and go way back.  Anyway, there was this picture and the press took it completely the wrong way.  And…well, let me show you the picture:
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Anyway, as you can see, it looks a lot like I’m defending or supporting him, when in fact, all I did was step outside for a quick cigar.  You just can’t see the cigar because I’m right handed and it’s behind me in the picture.  So, no support, just advice and a complete and total misunderstanding.

I hope we are ALL clear on this subject now.

 

This has got to be the best marriage proposal video, EVER!  That’s saying a lot, since you can go to YouTube and search for marriage proposals and you get about 488,000 results.  This one may not be THE best, but it’s the best I’ve ever seen.  I hope you enjoy.

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Hee, Hee, Hee!  I’ve got to admit, this is probably my favorite section!

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I laughed so hard at this next video!  11 month old Husky pup named Blaze is behaving just like some of our children (you know the ones that I’m talking about) when told it’s time to go to bed.

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J.C. Penney is closing 33 stores. Shocking. Penney’s still has stores?
USA Today reports a bank robbery was foiled in Arizona last week due to a
spectacular foul-up. The bank teller couldn’t read the terrible handwriting in
the robber’s hold-up note. It’s just terrible what happens to doctors after
Obamacare pushes them out of business.
President Obama warned Congress he’ll use executive action if they don’t
move on his agenda. His words sounded like a threat. He just called Chris
Christie and asked how you’d restrict access to the road in Washington
leading from the U.S. Capitol to The Palm steakhouse.
The White House website published the recipe Thursday for President Obama’s
home-brewed beer, which he brews himself in the president’s living quarters.
That’s how bad the economy is. Not only is our president drinking, he’s
drinking beer he made in his bathtub.
The FBI said Monday it found no law-breaking in the IRS’s targeting of the
Tea Party. Last summer the IRS admitted it was targeting conservative groups.
President Obama called it an outrageous practice and said he’d immediately
have his Benghazi investigators look into it.
Iran claimed victory over the West Tuesday when they revealed a secret
paragraph in last month’s deal that allows Iran to continue upgrading their
centrifuges. They’re playing with fire. President Obama doesn’t need to send
cruise missiles to destroy Iran, he just needs to send them his economic
advisors, and within a week the country will be on its knees.
Chris Christie is trying to move on from the bridge scandal.  But if he runs
for President in ’16, I’m pretty sure his campaign theme song won’t be
“Life in the Fast Lane.

California Governor Jerry Brown has ruled out a run for President. He is
75 years old. If he runs in 2016 even John McCain is thinking about running
against him on a youth movement.

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Okay, even when I’m running late with Dragon Laffs, I’m almost never running this late.  And the whole reason is that I can’t seem to write today’s Last Word the way I want.  It’s almost midnight on Friday and I’m getting pretty damn salty because what I want to say is, “What the hell is going on in our schools!”  But, I know it’s not really the schools.  It’s the whole damn country.  It just so happens to be manifesting itself in our schools right now.

What am I talking about?

I’ll tell you what I’m talking about, a 12 year old kid is being bullied enough that he feels he has to take a shotgun to school to fix the problem?  I’m talking about the 12 year old boy in Roswell, New Mexico who shot two kids before school who were hanging out in the gym with a bunch of other kids to stay warm.

12 years old.

The same age as my dragonette. 

Kids that age very rarely have a clue about the true consequences of their actions.  Hell, they are just barely past the age of believing in Santa Claus.  They play their x-boxes where if they get killed, their avatars stand right back up again.  And they talk to each other and watch the news where more and more school shootings are becoming so much more common.  As I’m writing this, the app on my tablet is telling me of a boy and a girl, aged 15, who were shot this afternoon in a gym in a Philadelphia school.

What is our society, us, as parents and examples, what are we teaching these kids?  I say “we”, but find it very difficult to associate myself with the idea of the adults on the edges of these situations who haven’t secured their firearms, set a bad example, or perhaps did everything right but were just the victim of circumstances.  Too often, our parental influence is no longer as enforcing as we think or hope.  Our children are learning so much more away from home than they are AT home. 

Even watching the news with my daughter in the morning before school, trying to stay informed of world, national and local events, they are reporting the horrible things that are going on in our country right now like it’s just business as usual, there’s nothing to be upset about, it’s perfectly normal for kids to be killing kids, murders in the multiples being reporting from overnight.

Like it’s nothing!

Like it’s normal!

And I’m appalled about a kid my daughter’s age shooting two other kids my daughter’s age at school?  Gee, what the hell is wrong with me?  Let me just put my daughter on the bus for school and hope that people at her school are paying enough attention to watch out for another kid bringing a weapon to school. 

And she does complain about being bullied and picked on at school…

And she’s not even old enough to put herself on the bus down the block yet.  Simply because it is a long block and neighborhoods just aren’t what they were when I was a kid, I usually watch her get on the bus for school….

…and yet a kid her exact age shot two other kids her exact age…

…with a sawed off shotgun….

…at school…

Yeah, I get it.  What the hell IS wrong with me?

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4 Responses to Dragon Laffs #1366

  1. Ginny says:

    Glad to hear your leg is improving. At least your wonderful creativity didn’t suffer any….great issue, still laughing at the Husky not wanting to go to bed.

  2. Hank says:

    Why can’t i rate if i like the post anymore, without having to create, an account in WordPress . I have to many accounts floating in Cyber Space without adding another one. I used to be able to rate 1 thru 5 stars and that’s gone

    • I’m not sure why you can no longer rate the e-zine. Since I, of course, have a WordPress account, it’s hard for me to figure out. But I’ll see what I can do and let you know.

      • lethalleprechaun says:

        Sometimes it takes an inordinate amount of time for those stars to show up. Several times I’ve read entire DragonLaffs (fallen asleep during doing so) and woken up to find them just finally loading.

        As to why you cannot vote w/o signing in- blame that on increased security by WordPress for a host of reasons. See advertisers pay by hits and there are minimum levels before advertisers will consider you. THe few bad apples were faking hits and votes. By requiring everyone that votes to have an account you make this way harder than it was and in turn way fairer.

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