Dragon Laffs #1363


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Good Morning My Friends.  Welcome to another edition of Dragon Laffs.  Your favorite on line e-zine of all time.  Well, as you can see from the above picture, I’m back to work, although I haven’t left my home.  For several days this week, I have teleworked, which means working from my work laptop while at home.  It’s about the same thing that many other people do when they work from home, so that’s not anything special.  But for me, it’s pretty cool. 

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This is a pretty cool movie.  Behind the scenes of the movie Gravity.  Shows how they do a lot of the special effects.  I do have to warn you, there are some spoilers involved, so be advised.

I want to print this up and hang it up in my office!

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Google glass is  not just a fad anymore.  Watch this video from CBS News about a one of a kind doctor, using cutting edge technology in the operating room

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A young lawyer decided that his life needed a hobby. Since his buddies talked about sailing, he thought he’d give it a go. He went to the local boat show and asked a lot of questions. Everything seemed to be going well when he said, “How do you dock the boat?” The salesman replied, “Well, you really don’t dock the sailboat, you tie it up to a float just beyond the dock. This way you don’t bang up the finish on the craft.” “Well then,” the lawyer asked, “How do you get out to the sailboat?” “Good question.” The salesman told him. “You can get a small raft and paddle out to the boat, or you can just walk out to the boat, if you don’t mind getting wet. “ “Oh, I get it,” the lawyer replied, “It’s Row vs Wade.”

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O’Leary was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, he said “Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and I’ll give up me whiskey.” Miraculously, a parking place appeared. O’Leary looked up again and said “Never mind Lord. I found one.”

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A fellow CBRNE Instructor had designed some changes in our curriculum for one of our most important classes. He asked my help in putting it into operation and training the other instructors. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one instructor and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the classes, she sighed with relief. “I’m so glad you’re teaching me instead of him.” Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. “Yes,” she said, “but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around really smart people.”

OUCH!! Ouch

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Okay, so I guess it’s just a morning for groaners.  Now, I have to warn you that this one is especially stinky!

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. “I think it’s raining,” he said to his wife. “No, that felt more like snow to me,” she replied. “No, I’m sure it was just rain, he said.” Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. “Let’s not fight about it,” the man said, “let’s ask Comrade Rudolph whether it’s officially raining or snowing.” As the official approached, the man said, “Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?” “It’s raining, of course,” he answered and walked on. But the woman insisted: “I know that felt like snow!” To which the man quietly replied: “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!” 

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I’m not even going to bother putting up a warning for this one.

A pregnant woman from Washington, D.C. gets in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, “Ma’am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your brother from Maryland came in and named them.” The woman thinks to herself, “No, not my brother… he’s an idiot!” She asks the doctor, “Well, what’s the girl’s name?” “Denise.” “Wow, that’s not a bad name, I like it! What’s the boy’s name?” “Denephew.” 

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Because of an ear infection, my young son, Casey, had to go to the pediatrician. I was impressed with the way the doctor directed his comments and questions to my son. When he asked Casey, “Is there anything you are allergic to?” Casey nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to me. Without looking at it, I tucked it into my purse. Later, the pharmacist filled the order, remarking on the unusual food-drug interaction my son must have. When he saw my puzzled expression, he showed me the label on the bottle. As per the doctor’s instructions, it read: “Do not take with broccoli.”

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A stalwart Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just as it had been before the Pilgrims landed. He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence; cut down trees to create a clearing; built a house and a small barn; cleared land for pasture, dug a well and over several years just generally worked his fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat, productive farm. Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and marveled rather fulsomely, and at great length, at all that “you and God have done together.” “Eh,” the farmer said dubiously. “Ya shoulda seen the place when God ran it on his own.”

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Today’s Last Word is sent to us, by none other than our own Lethal Leprechaun.  This is pretty special, not only because of my connection to the State Police and Law Enforcement in general, but also because it is such a great story.  Please watch this and enjoy the story.

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